{bluudud pov}
{🔵} I stared at the pasta in front of me, occasionally taking a few bites to not seem sad or show how much of a mental turmoil was stirring in my mind. I hated how much overthinking had been happening there. Color and electricity was quiet. Although he’s always quiet, his quietness was normal but the quiet felt so loud now, so uncomfortable. After a while my mom spoke. “Do you boys like the pasta?” She asked. Color of course didn't speak again, so I decided to say something to break the silence. A simple small sentence. “It’s good.” I said. After a while color and electricity finally spoke “Yeah..it's good” It felt all too normal, or whatever.. Usually color and electricity would be more energetic if they spoke, I hated it. Normality just felt wrong. I hated everything it was, silence felt too loud, normal felt too average. I just decided to quickly eat then, I cleaned my plates and ran up to my room and shut the door and just talked to c00lkidd over email. When I checked my inbox he already emailed me, about 30 seconds ago surprisingly. “ Hey bluu!! I just wanted to say good night to my favorite bluu-berry!” He said. I was a little tired and only wanted to sleep honestly. So I replied“Night , c00lkidd. I can't sleep so I might not sleep at all.” I waited for him to reply and somehow in about like 7 seconds he texted “You can't sleep either? I knew we were really alike!” I smiled a little at this, c00lkidd always knew how to make me feel better without even trying. I thought about what to type for a second and said “ Yeah, sure c00lkidd. By the way, how has your day been?” I watched the screen as he typed something and stopped, guessing he’s overthinking what to type for some reason? Hm. Oh, it's been great!” He finally replies. I think about how to respond, then I just type something casual. “Hm, same here. Boring and normal as usual.” I watched as the typing bubble appears and leaves multiple times, he seems to be thinking really hard about it? Hope I didn’t worry him somehow.. After like 2 minutes he says “Well, okay night!” Honestly, I wish we could talk more but he’s probably tired. I understand though. “Night c00lkidd.” I reply, then I turn off the computer and flop onto my bed and stare up at the bottom of color’s bunk bed. I let out a sigh and turn onto my side to face the wall, of course right when I'm trying to sleep the thoughts wedge their way back into my head. I worry so much about such a stupid thing, I love c00lkidd but ofcourse color and electricity does too. I mean, I do understand. C00lkidd really is such an amazing person. I just really wish it all wasn't so.. Complicated. I don't even know if he likes me back. Honestly, I just really wish I could hold him, hold him and be able to call him mine. But it feels like it's only a dream from a different universe. Why would he like me? He could have anyone. Right? Sometimes I wish I could see what other people see in me. It would be so easier that way, honestly. I wish every question I'd ever had could just be answered. I wish everything could just be stress and worry free, I wish i had c00lkidd right now. He always makes everything bad I'd ever thought or known just disappear for a moment, for those short times I'm with him. In those small moments I can finally feel fine. That's what I adore so much about c00lkidd. He’s just, perfect. Even if they say ‘Nobody is perfect’. In my eyes he always will be. God, I'm really head over heels for him ain’t I? Well, maybe that's not the worst thing. I'm glad I have him. After a while of staring at the wall my exhaustion finally takes over, sealing my eyes shut for me. Sending me into a moment of contentment and serenity, in dreams everything bad momentarily washes away. I'm glad for that.
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