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I was on my peaceful New Year holiday as I finally reunited with my family after long days of hard work in the city. That year was quite a subtle holiday for me. I wanted it to be similar to a vacation so that my body and soul could relax and enjoy every moment of comfort, and I could be away from the cramped everyday life in the hustle and bustle of the city.
I was a closeted gay with rough and masculine appearances, both in gestures and personality. For that, almost no one knew that I only had feelings for men. It was a strange feeling that gnawed at me forever. Though I wanted to deny it, I felt sizzling and bothered whenever I glimpsed at another man's masculine, muscular, and solid body. It was like an instinct.
There were many times when I did not accept myself as gay. I also wanted to have a family, have children, and live an ordinary life like many of my peers. But I couldn't. I really could not.
Do you know the suffering of closeted gays like me? It's not that we want to live a fake life. It's exhausting and uncomfortable. But we are in different situations. I have my family, and my parents always expected me to bring home a wife. They didn't understand the word "gay" since they lived in the countryside. I had a job where my coworkers weren't open about a man's dislike of women. I also had friends who grew up with me from a young age and believed I was a tough man from the outside to the inside. I had to learn to get used to a fake life because I thought I was living for others, not only for myself. Because of those hard to say words, I appreciated the moments I lived for myself and the feelings only I knew.
After all, that was a New Year holiday, so I put aside those troubles for a while. I assumed that I should spend more joy on myself.
I scarcely went anywhere that year. I stayed home with my loved ones because this little family was all I needed for that homecoming. Enjoying the holiday at home also offered unique fun. I could eat what I liked the most and oversleep without being disturbed.
New Year's Eve was very cozy, and the following three days were full of happiness. I still didn't find it boring when I enjoyed my holiday at home without going anywhere. Sometimes, there were a few unavoidable drinking contests during the visits of my relatives and my father's friends. Thus, the result was I got blind drunk. While being drunk, those middle aged men became surprisingly attractive despite their wrinkles. They then competitively took turns telling me about their sexual experiences with hookers and wives as if they were teaching me how to be a man. Unexpectedly, I felt interested, so the pecker in my pants kept getting stiff.
One day, a neighbor who was a friend of my father's and in his forties visited my family. Sitting at the same table with some of his buddies for a while, he turned to me: "You are much bigger since your last homecoming. A tall and vigorous guy like this must be a lady killer in the city, right? So when will you get married so that we can enjoy your wedding reception?"
"Here comes that legendary question again! Why is it asked every year?" I thought. Then, I could only smile wryly and reply, "As I have to focus on working, I haven't considered that yet. But I guess no one would notice a guy like me. Guess I'll have to ask you to become my matchmaker."
"You don't look too bad. You're handsome and have a stable job, but you still say you have never had a lover? Are you gay? When I was the same age as you, I dated all the lasses in this village and banged one after another. Honestly, I knew whether a girl in this village had big or small boobs and whether her pussy was juicy. Haha!" He laughed.
For his boastful statement, everyone burst into laughter. I happily played along, "Oh my gosh, I'm a man. I only like hot chicks. Even if you give me some handsome men with a 6 pack, I won't care. Haha." "Oh, what a phony statement of mine!"
"Haha, such a fantastic boy. But I'm so sorry. I have a daughter, but she's married. I can't introduce her to you. I only have one unmarried son around the same age as you left. I'll give him to you if you agree. Haha..."
It was a bit embarrassing for me when we suddenly talked about boys, but I still tried to make a fake reply because both of my parents were there, "Oh please, I don't need a boyfriend. I'm a normal and healthy man. By the way, do you have a son the same age as me? There's no one in this neighborhood that I don't know. But why don't I know anything about your son?"
"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I do have a son. He has been studying abroad in Australia since he was small. I sent him there that early because his aunt had settled there. It's been a while since he last came back. This boy is also worried about studying and working like you. He hasn't brought back any girl."
"Is he coming home this year?" I asked.
"He also came back on New Year's Eve like you. But until now, he's been lying on his bed and hasn't gone anywhere."
"Oh, yeah... I see."
I didn't show too much care for that boy because I was pretending to be a straight man. I continued drinking with these men, with all kinds of things here and there to talk about.
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