¥-Twenty-€
The irony was sour at best.
Pity lukewarm and condolences unheard of...
The paper that stared back at Okuyasu brought nothing out of him. A bright red 100% made him feel nothing.
The only reason he had succeeded then and there...was for a dying Josuke. Who else would teach him the material when he came back to school? He'd be so behind...when he *would* come back...
Okuyasu had to tell him this every time he visited Josuke, strewn about in IVs and tubes, sinking into the paleness of his bedsheets.
Holding the test in his aching hands, he barely could stick around to hear the teacher give him his congratulations and pitiful wishes. Everyone knew that Josuke was bedridden, a slave to the beat of destiny's drum. And everyone knew just how much it tore Okuyasu apart. And destiny told him and Tomako his chances weren't looking any better by the day.
"Cardiac insufficiency..."
That's all Okuyasu could bare to hear last time he was at the hospital, holding an utterly empty Tomako in his arms as the doctor gave her the doomed results of his health.
The medical nonsense was lost on him, but he forced himself to look up the word in a textbook later on that day, a feat he never thought capable.
Those words all but spelled out the end of Josuke Higashikata. And Okuyasu had one thing on his mind. He couldn't think of what would become of his poor mother, of Koichi and Jotaro and the others...
He only thought of the urge to spell a word on his cracked broken lips whenever he saw the other man.
I am in love, Josuke...I am in love.
The thought scared him to death. How could it have taken this long to understand, to accept and to embrace? How is it that love, something so beautifully sung about, was graced upon him in an instance like this? All those moments they had and all of those instances Josuke poured his everything into him. How could he have been so pathetically blind? Josuke's love...was what may have in the end...killed him.
Guilt was his new dearest friend, his latest qualm and lullaby that sang him into a miserable sleep night after night. Guilt was the look on Tomoko's face every time they saw Josuke in the hospital, when he'd come baring piles of notes in his messing handwriting of school lectures Josuke missed. Guilt was the vomit that stung his tongue any time he tried to eat. Guilt was eating Okuyasu alive, and he dreamed of the day he could take Josuke's place, in righteous punishment. A world without Okuyasu Nijimura was a world where Josuke could breathe again.
Tomoko's kindness was frightening. He wanted to believe she hated him, that she blamed him for Josuke's state. But Josuke's mother was all but insistent when she made a place for him in Josuke's deceased grandfather's room, pleading for him to stay.
Okuyasu had trusted his father enough to be left alone for the coming weeks, instructing the small green monstrosity dozens and dozens of times on how to use a phone in the case of him needing his son. But he knew it fell on deaf ears. Even when he did get the hang of dialing the Higashikata residence, where Okuyasu had been staying to care for a distressed Tomoko, he would only call to happily and blissfully grunt into the phone and hold up an unhappy stray cat to yowl into the speaker.
Okuyasu had figured the gesture at least was enough. It was enough to take him away from the impending reality that was an upcoming tragedy.
Staying with Josuke's mom felt like it was an obligation...a duty to watch over her considering he felt responsible for how badly hurt Josuke was.
She could barely eat or sleep, she could barely speak either. She would only wait by the phone, in a puddle of tears waiting for any and every call from the doctor
Pen in hand, Okuyasu rushed to write down what he could recall from class, a textbook in his lap, hair undone and in unkempt mess over his forehead. There was an upcoming test in the I shared science class, and he'd be dammed if Josuke didn't have the best notes for this test...
He was coming back, Okuyasu had to parrot this to himself. He could lie to himself all his wanted as he pushed himself to write more and more. How beautifully tragic, how he could only excel in such circumstances.
A light thrum trickled on the door and Okuyasu turned, pushing himself up from his place on the desk.
"Tomoko?"
The door opened and Koichi stood there, school bag in hand, other freehand in Yukako's.
His brows furrowed. He felt angry for a moment, how their love was rubbed in his face.
"I'm...I'm busy right now Koichi, you should come back later...."
Koichi could taste the poisonous anger on the other's face, and he turned to Yukkako, pointing down the stairs, murmuring something.
She looked slightly irritated, but leaned down to his level, pressing her lips to his cheek, and leaving the two to talk.
Koichi shut the door behind him, crossing the room to hoist himself up onto the bed.
Okuyasu turned back to his notes, pen in hand again as he continued to write.
He wasn't ready to talk to Koichi again. He wasn't ready to face what happened that day. The thoughts he lived in right now were thoughts of his dear Josuke still alive and well...
"I went to see Josuke today..."
Koichi paused.
"I talked to the doctors, they said he-"
"He's suffering cardiac insufficiency and his throat has swelled shut twice. He's suffered an intraperitonial hemorrhage and is at risk of losing functionality in the majority of his brain...they've discussed taking him off life support with Tomako three times at least..."
Koichi opened his mouth before shutting it again.
"I-I didn't know...you knew how to say half those words" Koichi laughed weakly.
"I learned them for the sake of Tomako. She couldn't bear half the news...so the doctors told me instead. I did the research and told it to her...if anyone deserves to bear the guilt of that woman suffering..it's me..."
Silence wrung at Okuyasu's neck as Koichi chose his words wisely.
"It's stupid how you blame yourself..."
"I need to Koichi...it's all that makes sense..."
Koichi placed his bag down, running a hand through his silver hair, clicking his tongue in anticipation, as if he were fighting with his own eternal thoughts.
"You need...you need to know something Okuyasu..." Koichi began.
"I told you in the ambulance but I...I think you blacked out before I could. Do you remember?"
Okuyasu searched the recesses of his mind, shaking his head.
"You know I'm not good for anything. Can't remember...no"
Koichi grimaced, fists balled up at his side.
"Just stop it dammit! If Josuke knew you were talking about yourself this way, he'd be livid!"
Okuyasu slammed his hand down, crumpling the paper into his fist, losing his cool. "It's all I am Koichi! It should have been me! I should be the one dying soon not him! That boy has done nothing but make my life have meaning! I owe him my everything! I love him!"
The last part slipped and Okuyasu knew he could never get it back.
Koichi stirred in a moment of realization, of sickening guilt and acceptance.
Could Okuyasu even possibly bare the fact that Josuke indeed loved that man back oh so dearly?
Could Okuyasu live with himself if Josuke saw him for him? The man was inconsolable in grief, in anger and in bargaining. Would telling him Josuke's dying secrets really help, even if the other loved him back just as much?
Koichi fumbled with his hands uncomfortably.
"Love hmm?...I suppose it was a matter of time"
Okuyasu tense up and turned around to face the other, tears pricking at the sides of his eyes.
"Don't get smart with me Koichi, I-"
"I didn't mean it that way at all" Koichi corrected, opening and closing his now sweaty palms.
"I just...I really think he..he needs to hear that...you know how much you mean to him...he loves you too..."
Okuyasu refused those words just as he thought.
"No dammit! I love him like I should love a girl, dammit! I'm a dirty homosexual in love with a man don't you see?!?!"
Okuyasu grew up knowing it was wrong for a man to love another man. He was destined to marry a woman after all. But could anyone ever love him? Was it destiny he'd fall for a man because it wasn't possible for a woman to even think of gracing his presence?
No, he would be more than blessed if Josuke would even spare a modicum of reciprocation...
Okuyasu collapsed back into his seat, chest palpitating as he sucked in short shaky breaths.
"It's pathetic I even say such words. It's pathetic how someone like me could even dream of saying such things to him...he's my everything...and letting him fall into this coma...is my punishment for loving him...for thinking I could even be worthy of loving him..."
Koichi swallowed. He was far from equipped with handling such a distressed Okuyasu.
So he could only say what he knew Josuke needed to hear if he were here...
"Tell Josuke..." his voice shook. "Tell him you love him Okuyasu please-"
"He's in a coma dammit, you've seen it before" Okuyasu shot back.
"...tell him you love him" Koichi repeated once again.
"If you could tell him now...tell him, confess what you need to confess...what needs to be heard, say it now...please"
Okuyasu's eyes watered and he swung a fist into the wall. His knuckles would bruise, but pain was a welcome friend and distraction from the distress that very statement suggested.
What would there even be to tell if he was doomed to die soon?
No, he couldn't risk his words entering this world, only to be utterly crushed, defeated and becoming utterly meaningless...
But the smaller gentleman coaxed him on.
For that very brief moment, birthday cake was on the tip of his tongue, and flowery bliss filled his tear soaked cheeks, as he confessed to the sky outside the bedroom window, to the Morioh Sky and to his sky full of stars called Josuke Higashikata.
"I...I would tell him..." his throat tightened and he felt dizzy.
"If I could I...I would I...oh Josuke..."
An overwhelmed Okuyasu got onto his knees, basking upon the graying afternoon light.
"...I don't know if you can hear me, but I need to say this, even if the words are just for me. Everyday, I sit here, watching over you...your mom...and I realize more and more how much you to me."
For the first time in a while, a smile blessed Okuyasu sunken face, as he thought of the other man.
"It's funny isn't it?"
His laugh was dry, full of the creeping guilt Okuyasu embraced in full force. "It's funny how we often moments for granted, assuming there will always be more of it- more moments to say what's in our hearts. But seeing you like that, silent and still, I can't hold back anymore"
Okuyasu curled in on himself, tears kissing the wooden floor he kneeled upon.
"I love you. I've loved you for a while now, even if I never had the courage to tell you. Your smile, your voice, and dammit, the way you make the world brighter without even trying- I miss all of it. I miss you."
Koichi watched as Okuyasu clasped his hands together, as if praying, begging and bargaining for a moment again where Josuke could be well and in good company like they used to be.
But all could not stay the same, all could not resist change. Okuyasu poured out his heart to the sun and moon that moment, and even thought Josuke could hear none of it, it would never truly be the same.
"And I keep imagining the day you'll wake up, the day I can look into your eyes and say everything I'm saying now. I don't know when that day will be, if that day ever will be...but I'll be here. Waiting. Loving you. Hoping for the chance to tell you face to face..."
Okuyasu stumbled to his feet, staring down at the crumpled piece of paper he threw aside.
Bending down, he carefully unfolds it, tracing fingers along the sloppy handwriting on the paper, a paper for Josuke when he'd soon awake, if he even could survive this coma...
"...just how deeply you've touched my heart, and just how deeply you've my Morioh has changed when there is a world where Josuke Higashikata is there every morning to walk with me to school..."
Koichi smiled, grateful that his friend found courage, even if just for a moment.
"That'll be enough Okuyasu" he assured, as he slipped something out from his pocket.
"It'll always be enough for Josuke...I promise"
With a click, Koichi pressed stop on a voice recorder he had tucked away.
"I just know it..."
—————————
Hello everyone
Wow, almost 4 years since I last touched this story.
I can't imagine the utter cliffhanger I left y'all on with Josuke straight up in a coma. I've been busy growing up as it's inevitable I suppose. We all can't be 16 in the middle of COVID forever. I since have moved back to the United States after attending University in Czechia and switched majors. I don't regret a moment overseas but classical music is a lonely world. So now I'm a 3D animator, ain't that something! I'll have you know that the JoJo openings are a HUGE inspiration for me as I work towards being a professional!
I apologize for my long ass hiatus, but due to some recent events, I got back into JoJo, and decided this story deserved justice and that a happy ending still needed to be written.
Looking back on this story now as a 21 year old, my writing at the time makes me cringe and so it warms my heart that people are able to look past it and actually truly enjoy it. To anyone from back in the day who has waited for a conclusion...well you're getting one I suppose haha.
You all are literally angels for waiting around...if anyone from back in the day even IS still around lmao.
Anyways I'll push out another chapter at some point this weekend if I have time! The happy homosexual ending I promise many manyyyy years ago will finally come to you, I swear.
Your pal,
Jameson 🦞
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