Regret ?
In my dream, it was pitch black, the only faint light that seemed to radiate from Taehyung's skin. I couldn't see his face clearly, but could only see his back getting farther and farther away, leaving me alone in the dark. No matter how fast I try to run, I can't keep up with Taehyung; No matter how hard he tried to scream his name, he never looked back once. Panicked... I woke up startled. It was only midnight, but I couldn't sleep anymore, time seemed to stretch to infinity. After that, almost every night, Taehyung walks into my dreams, and as always, there's always a distance between him and me.
For a month after the accident, everything became difficult for me, my nerves were always in a tight state like a string, especially the feeling of embarrassment, there was no way. make it disappear.
My courage is exhausted. The rest of the week, I'm aware that I'm in the center of attention. Unbelievable, Taeyong hangs around me all the time, the guy who is obsessed with fault must somehow compensate me. I had to try to convince Taeyong that what I want most in the world right now is for him to forget everything, I'm fine, but Taeyong persisted and begged. The guy lazily followed me from class to class; but that is not enough; at lunchtime, when our table was already full, Taeyong kept trying to squeeze in. This made Baekhyun and Suho, who had no feelings for each other, now appeared Taeyong, they were even less sympathetic towards the guy who came later. This is what makes me worried, did I just grow another reluctant "tail"?
Watch out. no one would believe Taehyung, even though I've been clear about it, told everything that he deserves to be a hero, it was he who pulled me out of harm's way, and almost he was also crushed. I enthusiastically explained and then left myself baffled. Jisoo, Baekhyun, Suho, among others, all claimed that it wasn't until the truck was pulled out that they saw Taehyung.
I wondered to myself why didn't anyone see Taehyung standing somewhere, before suddenly appearing and saving me "so spectacularly" like that. Frustrated at not being able to find the answer, I suddenly realized a possibility: no one cares and notices Taehyung like me. No one would be so intently looking for - even just seeing his face - for him like me. Wow how!
Taehyung was never asked by the crowd of curious people about the "success" he had achieved. As usual, people remained indifferent towards him. The Kim and Jung family are still sitting at the old table, they don't eat or drink, just talk to each other like that. None of them, especially Taehyung, glanced at me, like I was looking at them.
In biology class, Taehyung kept his usual sit-down at the table, as if he didn't seem to care at all about my presence in class. Just every now and then, his fists would suddenly tighten, his skin would stretch and become unusually white, whiter than bones. I don't know if he's really ignoring me or doing it on purpose - I thought.
He must've been wishing he hadn't pulled me out of the truck's path – I guess it was because he didn't know what else to think.
I really wanted to talk to Taehyung, after the day of the accident, I tried to start a conversation once. I remember the last time I saw him outside the emergency room, we were both like bombs exploding. I'm still angry that he didn't believe me so he didn't tell me the truth, even though I had followed our "covenant". But anyway, he saved my life, whatever it was, and, throughout the night, my anger slowly subsided, so that in the end it simply became deep gratitude.
When I walked into the biology class, I saw Jungkook sitting there, his eyes staring straight ahead. I took my seat, hoping he would turn to look at me. But no, Jungkook didn't show any signs of knowing that I had entered the class.
"Hi, Taehyung," I say cheerfully, trying to make him understand that I've changed my mind.
Taehyung turns his head slightly towards me, nods briefly and then turns away, refusing to even look at me.
That was the last time I had any contact with Taehyung, even though he was still here, every day, thirty centimeters from me. Every now and then, I peek at Taehyung - I can't stop myself from doing so - from a relatively long distance, in a restaurant or in a parking lot, for example. Day by day, I notice Taehyung's golden eyes turning black. Yet in class, I didn't seem to care about his presence as he did to me. It's miserable for me - the dreams of Taehyung keep happening, incessantly...
It's a matter at school, but at home... no matter how clever I am, through my sent emails, my mother can still sense that I am breaking down, "grandmother" calls I've been a few times, each time showing concern. I had no choice but to blame the weather, it was the weather that made me sob...
As for Baekhyun, at least he was satisfied when he sensed a cold war between me and "partner". It's not difficult to understand that Baekhyun used to stand still when he thought that Jungkook's "action-filled life save" would score for me; The guy breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it had the opposite result. Baekhyun is becoming more and more confident by the day, he likes to sit on the edge of my desk and talk before class starts, ignoring Jungkook's presence, just like Jungkook doesn't care at all. we are.
After that terrible frosty day, the snow was swept away. Baekhyun is disappointed that he missed out on a "blizzard battle", but still happy to be able to go to the beach. Day after day passed, but the rain did not decrease at all, it kept falling like that.
Jisoo told me about an event that happened in a faraway place – she called it the first Tuesday of March and "sorry" I invited Baekhyun (usually girls). will invite boys) to the spring prom that will take place in two weeks.
- Are you sure it'll be okay... You don't mean to invite Baekhyun? – Jisoo asked again and again when I told her that I had nothing to be upset about.
"Yeah, I won't attend," I insisted. Dancing, everyone can see clearly that it is not in my natural gift.
- It's fun - The friend tried to invite... but it was not sincere at all. I find it very suspicious, maybe this girl likes me more than my "tail". It's so hard to believe.
- You and Baekhyun should be happy - I encouraged Jisoo.
The next day, in my trigonometry and Vietnamese class, I was surprised to see that Jisoo was no longer chirping as usual. She walked beside me without saying a word, I couldn't help but worry but I didn't dare to ask. If Baekhyun had rejected Jisoo, I would have been the one she didn't want to tell the most.
My suspicions increased when during lunch, Jisoo always tried to stay away from Baekhyun, instead, she chatted animatedly with Suho. Baekhyun holds an unusually "meat-eating" attitude.
Baekhyun remained silent when he went to class with me, his face had an expression of an uncomfortable mood. Finally, when I was seated, and Baekhyun was sitting on the edge of the table, he began to confess:
- Well, it's Jisoo... she invited me to the spring prom - Baekhyun said while staring at the floor.
"That's great" I exclaimed happily excitedly "You have to have fun with Jisoo.
- Um... - Baekhyun falters at my smile, he obviously doesn't like that answer at all - I told her I need to think...
- Why did you do that? – I intentionally let my voice 'stained with protest', anyway, I was a little relieved to understand that Baekhyun didn't reject Jisoo outright.
Baekhyun's face turned red, he continued to look at the ground.
- I... I don't know if... you're going to invite me or not.
Silence, for a moment, I hate the feeling of guilt welling up in my heart. But apparently... I glance over at Taehyung and notice his head is tilted slightly towards me.
- Baekhyun-ah, I think you should agree...
- So you invited someone else? – I wonder if Taehyung knows Baekhyun just glanced at him?
"No," I insisted, "I just can't come to the ball, that's all.
- Why don't you go? - Baekhyun asked.
I didn't dare risk participating in that dance, because it would certainly embarrass me. Very quickly, I came up with another plan.
"Saturday, I have to go to Mokpo," I explained. And indeed, I also need to leave Boseong. Fortunately, this is a good opportunity for me to do just that.
- Why don't you let another Saturday go?
- I'm sorry, but I can't - I tried to explain - Anyway, you shouldn't let Jisoo wait for your answer any longer, it's weird.
"Yeah, you're right," Baekhyun mutters under his breath and returns to his seat, a sad expression on his face. I closed my eyes and rubbed my fingers over my temples, hoping to get the "guilty" and pitying feeling out of my head. Teacher Dong Wook started his lecture. Instinctively, I sighed and opened my eyes again.
Taehyung suddenly turns to look at me strangely, his usual disappointment in his dark eyes again, but this time, it's clearer than ever.
I turned my gaze back too, pretending not to understand the meaning of that look, hoping he would turn his face away. But no, Taehyung continues to stare deeply into my eyes, trying to find some emotion. How can I stop looking at him now? My arms started shaking.
- Invite me Kim Taehyung? - Teacher Dong Wook called Jungkook, he just asked something that I couldn't hear.
"Mr. Krebs Cycle," my "colleague" replied, seemingly reluctant to turn to look at the teacher.
I quickly lowered my eyes to the open book on the table, and as soon as I was no longer "tortured" by his magical eyes, I tried to keep up with the lecture. With my usual bubbly personality, I swept my hair to the right, trying to hide most of my face. To this day, I still can't believe why I was so easily confused and agitated—especially on the first day he looked at me about six weeks ago. Now I won't let him affect me anymore. It's so weak, and sometimes worse than weak, it's pathetic rather.
I try my best not to notice Taehyung, but maybe I can't do this, I'll just have to try not to let him know I'm paying attention to him. At last, the long-awaited bell rang; Like it or not, I was also forced to turn to Taehyung to pack up my things, laboratory equipment, hoping Taehyung would leave as usual.
- Amy? "Why is his voice so familiar to me, as if I've heard it all my life, not just the past few short weeks?"
I became reticent. I don't want to go back to the feeling I always have when I look at his so perfect face. But inescapably, cautiously, I turn to Taehyung. It's impossible to predict this person's feelings. He did not say a word.
- What's up? You want to talk to me again? – I spoke up, and no matter how hard I tried to restrain myself, somehow there was still a hint of anger in my voice.
Taehyung's lips move, trying to form a smile.
- No, not quite like that- he stammered.
- So what do you want, Taehyung? I asked and closed my eyes. In order not to be scared or embarrassed, I could only talk to him that way.
- I'm sorry -Taehyung replies, his voice sounding sincere-I was rude, I know, but it's better, I think.
I opened my eyes. He is very serious.
- I honestly don't understand - I confessed.
- We're better off not being friends- Taehyung said- Trust me.
My eyes darkened. I've heard this somewhere before, yes.
-Too bad you didn't realize it sooner-I said through gritted teeth-I regret it now.
- Regret? – My words and manner of speaking clearly hit the point of the "disgusting person" - What can I regret?
- Regret not letting that silly truck take me to heaven.
Taehyung looks at me in surprise. He didn't seem to believe his own ears.
He finally spoke, his voice almost indignant.
- You think I regret saving you?
- I know you are-I replied.
- You know what to say. - Now he's... crazy.
I veered to the other side, gritting my teeth, trying not to hurl harsh criticisms at him. I quickly grabbed my books and stood up, walking quickly to the door. I wanted to get out of this stuffy room immediately, but how careless, my foot tripped on the doorstep, all my books falling to the ground. I stood there for a while, thinking about leaving. But then in the end, I decided to bend down and pick it up... boring... I sighed. All of a sudden, Taehyung was already there; he has folded his books into neat stacks. Then the "disgusting person" handed it back to me, his face looked miserable.
-Thank you-I let out those two words coldly.
Taehyung's eyes darkened.
-Nothing-he replied.
I straightened up, left immediately, and just walked to the gym without looking back once.
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