breath
i couldn't breath...
my vison was blurry...
help...
i passed out. my breath was hard and miserable. my eyes closed tightly. i didn't know who i was or what i had done, my mind was just a blank space right now.
out of the blue, i sat up looking around the bedroom. blood scattered everywhere, even on my body. i saw a pocketknife with some blood on it, oh, i must have cut myself. i laughed at the thought. damn it bang chan, i hated you.
once again, my breath hitched, i choked. i coughed brutally right after, some tears started to flow down. i looked at the white linen, mouth formed a small smile, i was broken, but i couldn't let myself die.
i wished i hadn't known chan, wouldn't have been painful and pathetic. i hypervetilated difficultly, almost stopped breathing. i fell slowly on the bed, bit my lips harshly. i didn't want to curse but fuck bang chan, fuck everything you'd done to me.
i rolled to the right side, curled my body like a ball. silently crying, i let out sobs from time to time. the pain was literally killing me, could it just leave me alone for a moment?
i cried at the horrible situation i'd been in. i held the knife and cut myself non-stop. i suddenly squealed at the feelings and stinky smell of blood. now bang chan couldn't chase me. he couldn't find me in the heaven.
a few pills and bye bye...
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