Dancing With Fire (TO BE PUBLISHED)
Kabanata 16
Kabanata 16
"HINDI MO 'YON kawalan, Sera," alo ni Kikay.
"I just thought there was something between us," bulong ko.
Huminga ako nang malalim, pilit na hinahawi ang mga luha.
"Don't cry, he doesn't deserve your tears." She embraced me. I hugged her back and sniffled.
"G-Galing mo mag-advice," I tried to joke and pulled away.
"Hayop ka, Serafine." Natawa siya kahit ang mata'y naluluha na rin. "Napapa-English tuloy ako! Shit, dudugo na 'yong ilong ko! Makapag-Tagalog na nga lang!"
Umiling ako at niyakap siya pabalik. She held me quietly, comforting me.
"Huwag kang papaapekto. Huwag kang iiyak sa ganyang klaseng lalaki," she said firmly.
I nodded, biting my lip.
"I-I'm Serafine Mendez, sino ba siya?" I murmured, trying to sound brave. "He's nothing, too."
"Tama!" she exclaimed. "Tama 'yan, Sera. Ikaw pa ba?"
"I'm strong... sino ba siya, ha? He's just a stupid, ugly piece of shit." I gritted my teeth.
"Ugly... sure ka, 'te?" ani Kikay sabay silip sa akin.
Kumunot ang noo ko, tinulak ko ang noo niya, kaya humalakhak siya.
"Joke lang, Sera. Kung pangit siya, e 'di pangit! Aanhin mo ang kagwapuhan kung manloloko, 'di ba?"
Tumango ako at natahimik.
"Ano'ng balak mo? Mag-quit ka ba sa internship? Aalis sa firm?" Kikay asked.
"Hindi." I shrugged, already thinking it through. "Bakit ako aalis?"
"Kasi nasaktan ka?" takang tanong niya.
Umiling ako, binasa ang labi ko.
"Hindi ako aalis dahil hindi siya ang pinunta ko ro'n, Kikay," I murmured. "Bago pa siya dumating sa buhay ko, gusto ko nang maging Engineer. May pangarap na ako bago pa siya. If he hurt me, it doesn't mean my dreams will end with him."
Her mouth formed an O, then she clapped.
"Miss Universe!" she exclaimed. I smiled, shaking my head.
"I'm just being practical. Kung aalis ako, saan ako mag-iintern? An internship at his company will make a big difference in my credentials. Kapag naka-graduate ako, magkakaroon ako ng magagandang offer. Makakatulong 'yon para sa akin, para sa pamilya ko. Ano ngayon kung sinaktan niya ako? Hindi ako papayag na masaktan no'n ang pangarap ko."
"E, paano mo siya pakikitunguhan?" she asked curiously. "Like normal?"
"I don't think I can act normal with him around, Kikay," I confessed. "Hindi ko kayang pakisamahan siya kagaya ng dati."
"So... anong gagawin mo?"
I let out a sigh. "Act casual, like how an intern treats her boss. Bahala siyang mag-isip kung anong problema sa akin. Wala akong pakialam sa kanya."
"At ang card na binigay niya sa 'yo?" she raised her brow.
"Gagamitin ko. Akin 'yon," tuso kong sagot. "It has my name there, so I have the right to take it."
Ngumisi siya at siniko ako.
"Tama! Ganyan ang Sera na kilala ko, palaban!" she laughed.
"Kung tuso siya, mas tuso ako. He fooled me, and I'll fool him too. Ano ngayon kung gastusin ko? I'm a gold digger anyway." Sarkastiko at tuso kong sinabi.
"Kaunting tiis na lang, Sera," she consoled, touching my hand. "Malapit na ang semester matapos. 'Yong susunod, saglit na rin kasi graduating ka na."
"Kaya ko naman siguro, 'no?" I looked at her, asking for support.
She nodded without hesitation, giving me a thumbs-up.
"Oo naman, Serafine pa ba?!" she cheered, his tone absolute.
˚ˋঌ˖˚ˋঌ˖˚ˋঌ˖
NAGISING AKO KINABUKASAN sa sunod-sunod na pag-iingay ng phone. Mabilis ko iyong kinapa sa tabi ko, at nangunot ang noo ko sa sunod-sunod na pag-vibrate.
It was my day off. Wala ring pasok sa university, at off muna ako sa firm para makapagpahinga mula sa mahabang araw.
Migs left early, inihatid ng bantay kasama ang kapatid ni Kikay, kaya bumalik ako sa pagtulog.
I stopped and smiled bitterly when I saw who the caller was.
From: Daddy (six inches)
Morning, baby.
From: Daddy (six inches)
I went home last night. Sorry if I didn't visit you. May ginawa lang ako.
Kumuyom ang kamay ko, mabilis na nagpunta sa contacts, at iniba ang pangalan niya.
From: Engr. Miranda
Hindi ka papasok? I'm here in the office. I got gifts for you.
From: Engr. Miranda
Lando said you're still sleeping. Are you okay? Can I drop by to check on you?
From: Engr. Miranda
You're probably sleeping. Sorry for being clingy, I just missed you. Please text me when you wake up.
I put the phone down and stared at the ceiling, remembering how foolish I had been to fall for his trap.
Stupid, Serafine. You are so stupid.
Natigilan lang ako nang maramdaman ang basa sa gilid ng mga mata ko. I cursed, harshly wiping the tears away.
Malakas ako, oo, pero masakit pa rin dahil umasa akong may nagmahal talaga sa akin, kahit ano pa ako. Akala ko talaga may tatanggap sa akin. But well, expectation sucks. I assumed too much, and now, sinong umiiyak? Ako. Kasi umasa ako sa pesteng pinapakita niya.
Mag-isa lang ako sa bahay ngayon, kaya naglinis ako. Ayokong lumabas dahil sa galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko.
Ilang beses nang umilaw at nag-vibrate ang phone ko dahil sa mga tawag, kaya iritado ko itong sinulyapan.
Engr. Miranda calling...
"Asshole," I spat, then turned my phone off.
Lumabas ako ng bahay at nagdilig ng mga halaman. Natigilan ako nang makita si Lando.
"Good morning, Ma'am!" bati niya.
I stared at him coldly. "Bakit?"
"Uhm..." Halatang nagtataka siya sa asal ko, pero wala siyang sinabi. "Pinapatanong lang po ni Engineer kung bakit hindi kayo sumasagot sa mga tawag niya?"
"Tangina niya, pakisabi," I whispered.
"Po?" Nagtaka siya.
"Wala." I smiled faintly. "Papasok ako bukas, huwag siyang mag-alala. Gagawin ko 'yong mga pending na naka-assign sa akin."
Napakurap-kurap si Lando dahil sa sinabi ko.
"Uh, sige po." Tumango siya at sumulyap sa phone niya.
Tumalikod ako sa kanya. Papasok na sana ako sa bahay, pero nagsalita siya uli.
"Uh, tatawag daw po si Engineer."
Ngumiwi ako at nilingon ko siya. "Wala ako sa mood."
"Ma'am?"
"Tell him I'll see him tomorrow. Hindi na niya kailangang tumawag," I said, and before he could reply, I marched back inside and locked the door.
Fuck you, Miranda. Just fuck you. I loathe you so much.
˚ˋঌ˖˚ˋঌ˖˚ˋঌ˖
THE NEXT DAY, I felt Lando's curious glances, wondering why I was acting up.
He greeted me, but I just nodded without saying anything.
Pagpasok ko firm, deretso ang lakad ko, pero nakita ko si Alice kasama ang ibang engineers. They were busy discussing something.
She stopped when she saw me, a smirk plastered on her face.
My heart ached. Iiwasan ko sana siya, pero agad niya akong sinalubong.
"Miss Mendez!" she called cockily.
I glanced at her¸noticing her mocking eyes.
"Yes?" I asked seriously.
Natigilan ang mga kasama niya. Some of them even shifted their gaze toward me, curious.
"Go and get the chairwoman a cup of coffee," she demanded.
"Bakit siya pa, Engineer Tan? May secretary naman si Madame—"
"Siya ang gusto," Alice snapped.
"Okay," I said simply.
She looked irritated when she saw how relaxed I was. May sasabihin pa sana siya, pero bahagya na akong yumukod at umalis.
Pagdating sa opisina, lumapit agad ako kay Marco.
"Marco?" I called.
"Yes, Sera?" Tumayo siya kaagad.
"Busy ka ba? Paaensiya na, papatulong sana ako."
"Hindi naman. Para saan ba?"
"Kailangan ko kasing magtimpa ng kape—nautusan lang—but I don't know how to operate the coffee maker."
"Oh, sure! Tara," he said quickly, holding my arm. "Turuan kita."
"Thank you!" I smiled.
We walked together out of the office, but I froze when I saw Vioxx approaching.
He looked cold, but his mouth twitched into a smile when he saw me. I didn't smile back.
Even pretending—which I'm very good at—was hard to do now.
"Good morning, Engineer," Marco greeted.
He didn't answer. Napalitan ng pagtataka ang ekspresyon niya habang nakatitig sa 'kin.
"Good morning, Engineer," I said formally.
His jaw clenched, and his forehead creased at my tone.
"Where are you headed?" he asked Marco.
"Sa pantry. Magpapatulong lang si Sera sa coffee maker, Engineer," Marco replied.
"Ako na," Vioxx suddenly said.
"Po?"
"I'll help her," he offered.
I almost laughed. Kung magaling akong magpanggap, mukhang may mas pa pala sa 'kin!
"Si Marco na po," I said coldly.
It stopped him. I noticed the way his eyes sharpened, the frustration clear.
"Ako na ang sasama sa 'yo," he insisted, reaching for my hand, but I stepped back.
I saw emotions flash in his confused eyes.
"Ako na lang po ang sasama sa kanya," Marco said, holding my arm.
"Ako na," Vioxx insisted again, staring at me deeply. "Sasamahan ko si Serafine."
"Pero—"
"Ako na ang sasama sa kanya—"
"Si Marco na!" 'Di ko na napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses.
Vioxx stopped. I inhaled sharply, startled by my own outburst, then cleared my throat.
"Sorry, Sir. But we're fine, really," I said, calmly this time. I'm in an internship. After all, he's still my boss. I need to calm down. Lalo na at may ibang tao.
"Sera, I—"
"You've got other things to do, Sir." I smiled faintly. "You shouldn't waste your time with just... a girl like me."
The confusion intensified, this time, with alarm.
"Serafine," he called, his voice heavy. "What are you saying?"
I smiled and shook my head.
"Nothing. Excuse us, Engineer," I said formally, leaving him dumbfounded.
Hindi nagtanong si Marco, pero napansin ko ang pagtataka niya sa asta ko.
Sa pantry, tinulungan niya ako at tinuruan kung paano gumamit ng coffee maker.
Dinala ko ang kape sa opisina ng chairwoman at ni-ready ko ang sarili ko kung sakaling pagagalitan niya ako sa office niya. But it was a good thing she wasn't there when I arrived—tanging ang secretary niya lang ang naabutan ko.
Akala ko, magiging kalmado ang araw na ito, pero hindi pala. Ang pesteng engineer ay kanina pa labas-masok sa office niya. Ilang beses ko na siyang patingin-tingin sa table ko, pero hindi niya magawang lumapit.
What a good actor, Engineer Miranda. You fooled me into believing you were actually concerned.
I want to find peace and finish this once and for all.
I mentally noted to talk to my father. Tatay ko siya, pero hindi ko kakayanin kung totoong may ginawa siyang masama sa ibang tao. I will confront him. Ayaw ko nang magbulag-bulagan at kumbinsihin ang sariling 'di niya magagawa 'yon kahit masakit.
"Ma'am Sera, pinapatawag po kayo ni Engineer."
Hindi na ako nagulat nang lapitan ako ng secretary ni Vioxx.
"Okay," I said formally, and stood.
Kumunot ang noo ng secretary, nagtataka marahil, pero wala na siyang ibang sinabi.
I went to his office. Kinakabahan ako, pero mas nangingibabaw ang galit sa puso ko.
I found him pacing back and forth, looking troubled. Nang makita niya ako, bahagyang umawang ang mga labi niya at umayos ang tayo niya.
"Sera..." he called. I heard his tone and if I didn't know better, I might have mistaken it for longing.
Mabilis siyang naglakad papalapit sa 'kin, at muntik na akong manigas nang bigla niya akong niyakap.
"I missed you," he whispered.
Liar.
Hindi ako gumalaw, ni hindi ko itinaas ang mga braso koy para yakapin siya pabalik.
He paused when I didn't respond. Lumayo siya ng bahagya, at nakita ko ang pagguhit ng kung ano sa mga mata niya.
"Baby..." he called, slowly taking my hand.
I just stared at him, my bitter heart filled with rage.
He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it lightly. "Do... we have a problem?" he asked, his fingers grazing my palm.
"Mayro'n ba dapat?" I asked.
Tumitig siya sa mga mata ko. I almost got fooled when I saw pain cross his eyes. But I knew better.
"You're cold," he murmured.
Tumikhim ako. Unti-unti kong hinila ang kamay ko palayo sa hawak niya, at umawang ang bibig niya.
He took a deep breath and caught my eyes.
Hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin. "Kung wala ka nang ibang sasabihin, Engineer, lalabas na ako. May trabaho pa ako—"
"Fuck work—mag-uusap tayo!" He grabbed me, but I shook him off.
"May trabaho nga ako!" I exclaimed.
"Mag-uusap lang tayo—"
"It's office hours, Engineer Miranda, and I have fucking work to do. Kung wala kang iuutos, lalabas na ako!" I hissed.
He was alarmed.
"Let's talk," he insisted.
I rolled my eyes. I was about to turn around, but he grabbed my arm.
"Ano ba?!"
"Baby," he said gently, slowly pulling me against his body.
Kumawala ako, pero sinapo niya ang pisngi ko at hinawakan ang baywang ko.
"Let's talk, okay?" he murmured. "Let's fix whatever this is."
"Fix what?" I hissed.
"Let's just calm down." His voice was gentle, even though his eyes were sad and pained. "Tell me. Come on, I will listen."
"Let me fucking go—"
"I'm sorry..." he murmured.
I paused.
"I don't know why you're mad, but I'm sorry. Kung may nagawa akong mali, I'm so sorry."
My heart ached—para iyong dinudurog kahit hindi tama. 'Di ako dapat magpadala sa tonong 'to!
You know better now, Sera! He was fooling you! You can't fall for it again!
I tried to pull away, but he held me tighter.
"I'm so sorry. Whatever the problem is, please... can we talk about it calmly?"
I stayed silent, glaring at nothing. I struggled, but he only hugged me tighter.
"Please, baby? I don't want us to fight," napapaos niyang bulong.
Napatingin ako sa mga paper bag sa sofa at napatawa nang mapait sa isip ko. There—a good way to avoid the topic.
"Where are the things you bought for me?" I pushed him away, and he stepped back weakly and defeatedly.
He looked confused, his tired eyes fixed on me, but I avoided his gaze and walked to the sofa. He followed, lost in thought.
"Ito ba?" I pointed at the paper bags, sitting down on the sofa.
"Yes." He gulped. "Baby, how about—"
"Ano 'to? Mahal 'to, 'di ba?" I opened one of the paper bags.
He stayed standing beside me as I sat down and rummaged through the gifts for me.
"Sera," he called. "Let's talk."
"Ang pangit naman ng kulay nito," I complained upon seeing a dress.
He looked lost. "Ayaw mo ba?" nagtatanya ang tono niya, takot na may maling masabi.
"Ayaw ko rin ng kulay nito," I said, looking at another dress and pretending to be disappointed.
Oh, damn. These dresses are way too good, but I won't fucking give you the satisfaction, Miranda.
"Ang papangit. Wala akong gusto," I complained, slamming one of the paper bags down.
"What..." He blocked and held me as I stood up. "What kind of colors do you like so I can—"
"Wala. Wala akong gusto." I shrugged, trying to pull away from his grip, but he caught me again.
"What is it that you like then?" he rasped. "Gagawa ako ng paraan para makuha mo. Gagawan ko ng paraan, Sera, please..." he bargained, almost pleading.
You—out of my life. That's what I want.
"Bitiwan mo nga ako." I pushed his hand away.
"Sera," he pleaded, and it only irritated me.
Shit, he's getting on my nerves!
"What do you like?" He touched my forearm. "Please, tell me, so I can make it up to you—"
"Like gold diggers, right?" I smiled bitterly.
He froze. Umawang ang labi niya at napapikit.
"Well, turns out I am one." I chuckled coldly.
His jaw clenched, irritated by my words.
"Sera—"
"I want money, Engineer Miranda. Tons of it. Can you give it to me or not?" I challenged mockingly.
He stared at me, seeking questions for the questions he couldn't ask. He looked both confused and angry at whatever I was saying.
"Sera—"
"Oo o hindi lang, Engineer." My brows knitted tighter.
He stared at me, then gave up, sighing as he caught my fingers and caressed my hand.
"Of course, baby," he agreed, staring at me with those probably fake, pleading eyes of his. "I'll give you whatever you want."
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