End
Today is my engagement day, but I'm not happy. I don't know how to be happy if I see prison everywhere.
I tell you the truth. No matter where I go, there is no place for me to be free and comfortable. This is the common sadness of all women in this ancient world.
I used to live in a modern society. Of course I am not rich, but in a modern society, I can go anywhere I want, eat any delicious food I want, and meet anyone without asking permission. Life is modern but I am a normal person, I do not have to beg. Sometimes I have money problems but that is because of the way I use the money I earn.
The entertainment world is so vibrant. I wish I could go back there and live my youth forever. Videos, games, music, television,... And the wonderful brothers of my dreams. I would rather scream until my voice is hoarse cheering for my idols than live in this boring, leisurely place.
I was reborn rich, but that didn't mean anything if I couldn't spend money on what I wanted. Everything in the ancient world was primitive. If I wanted to invite some drinking buddies, I had to send a letter, and my parents and servants would scrutinize me. If I wanted ice cream, there was no refrigerator, and most of the ice was transported from the tops of the glaciers. On top of that, if I wanted to go out, I had to ride a horse. Every time I went out, I had to spend a fortune to bribe the guards, and if I got caught, I got beaten up.
The super-large houses were like big prisons to me, but I had nowhere to go if I left them. Life for ordinary people was very difficult. I would have no medical care, would be susceptible to infectious diseases, and would be vulnerable to attack. Women in ancient societies did not have jobs, they were only busy with housework, farming, and giving birth. This is obvious. If you have a father or a brother or a husband who is healthy and normal, they are the main workers, not you. Indeed, the work of this era is only hard and difficult for women, not to mention that it is humiliating for men to let women do the work for them.
"Lady... I think you've had a little too much to drink."
"Mind your own business. Leave me alone."
How sad is it? In this godforsaken place, the only joy is alcohol, not even beer. I can only turn to alcohol because I don't know any way out of my life. There is nothing but a vicious cycle of sewing, embroidery, housework, and having to give birth to a child for a guy whose face I don't know. I don't like fat old men, so I swear I will find a way to escape from my husband's house the day I am forced to marry.
If I live, I want to live a life that I can remember forever. Nothing can stop me from escaping the cycle whose future is as dark as the night of Chi Dau. I don't want money if I can't spend it as I like, I don't accept just sitting still and being leisurely like an old woman in her twilight years.
I'm young! I want to go out!
"Let me tell you, 100 years is still young."
I will be like Mi, escaping from the house of the village chief Pa Tra to follow the call of the revolution. I will seek a beautiful and happy life, a free life full of my dreams. There is no way I will accept being a gentle and docile wife or having to be submissive because I am afraid of a violent husband.
Throw away all the frilly decorations, throw away all the flashy clothes, I will become the person that I am. I don't need unnecessary formalities to boldly declare to this life who I am and what I live for. I don't care about the family interests of the rich, I will be selfish and I will live for myself.
The drunkenness makes me stagger. But I'll dance and sing until I can't run. Freedom is just a short walk away, maybe just through the window. I intended to, but someone was watching from below. With my legs spread, one leg on the railing, I would show off something under my clothes.
It was strange that people still wanted to walk in the garden at this late hour. The soldiers should have put the thieves in chains long ago, not let them go like children in the park.
Anyway, I don't care if someone wants to steal my parents' gold and silver treasures, I want revenge on those bad parents who are willing to sell their daughter for a little profit.
Regardless, I had to keep a straight face in front of my fiancé the next day. If anyone caught me red-handed or noticed any signs of me acting strangely since the night of drinking, I would be ruined. Nowadays, parents are considered to be violent towards their children, and to be honest, I always had to find ways to circumvent the law to avoid being discovered.
Luckily my fiancé isn't some weird old man, but not my type.
Of course I followed the old plan. Step 1 was to kick the ass of all obstacles, including my future husband. I had no grudge against the soldiers or my future husband, but a fight was necessary. Step 2 was to take the money and run.
That was the plan, but somehow, the following month, I still couldn't escape the predetermined fate. Even as I sat waiting for the wedding night, I still wondered why I couldn't succeed. It was not difficult to bribe the soldiers, some of the servants were even close to me, so I was sure that I had everything I needed to escape.
There were some glitches, but I'm sure I wasn't the cause. Someone smart enough to predict the path, or someone leaked the information.
Occasionally I would see a hateful face. He would grin at my misfortune, as if daring me to punch him in the face. When I was in a tree, when I was on the fence, I could crawl into a pre-dug cave, or even through a dog hole in the wall where only dogs could pass, he was always there as if waiting to help me.
I don't know what my husband thinks. There are girls who have tried to escape from marriage, but they failed and were punished as slaves. No one wants to make public a shameful story, such as a wife running away because her husband was too ugly. The punishment will be according to the law of the jungle, the private rules of the husband's family.
Luckily, unlike them, I was still in one piece after being captured. Logically speaking, running away was considered a gamble with my life. I would have only two choices, to be my husband's slave until death or to be tortured to death. For a common woman, the price of a woman could be so cheap that men would be willing to throw away the leftovers to find another more docile animal that knew how to serve its master.
He may be rich but he is stingy. I am rich, my parents are officials, the price to buy me is not cheap.
Stingy but kind, I guess? The way he grabbed me. Even though I was scratched and my clothes were covered in mud, he didn't mind getting dirty.
Owls can only be pet lovers.
It can't be, right? I didn't know who he was when I first met him, and there was nothing or event that I could remember that would make my husband like him. Most importantly, no one would treat their lover with violence, unless he had a strange hobby.
The wedding night was also the perfect opportunity for me to escape. I still failed, but what happened next was torture.
Sex between husband and wife is normal, but I am not a lover. So to be exact, I was raped. If I did not agree to have sex, I would be beaten until I agreed. A slap with all my strength could make my ears go numb. All I felt was fear, pain and despair, I had nothing to call pleasure.
The first time was terrible, not romantic at all. The next day my vagina still hurt. Men don't understand the pain from inside the body but there is no cure. Only I suffered, he didn't know anything so it kept going in and out, making me hurt like hell.
What can I expect from the ancients' backward knowledge? They don't understand where blood stains come from after sex, and women are forced to be discreet about embarrassing things. If I absolutely do not want to have sex, I will be forced to have sex a hundred times and it will still be the same. But it hurts so it's almost like it happens to first-timers, but I decided to learn from my experience and try to think of something romantic next time. Find a way to feel good, just a little but it will be better than having to endure it.
When there is an important event at home, or guests come to visit, I absolutely cannot escape from home. I don't know how to explain it, but I am really scared. I am afraid that if I get caught again, he will be humiliated and go crazy.
Some people love pets like that. They keep and care for them, consider them their own and control them.
My new home isn't too bad. It's more comfortable than my parents', but still cramped. Sometimes I let loose and have fun, doing things that are not in line with the rules of a good wife, and he just ignores them like they're nothing. Little things don't need to be yelled at, as long as I make sure I do my job.
Over time, I learned to accept my fate. The escapes were nothing more than a game to him, and I was pregnant and couldn't do any strenuous exercise.
Giving birth naturally was like walking to the edge of death. I had no medical check-ups to diagnose any illness or any warnings of any risks.
I am not ready to be a mother, but the child deserves to live. I am indeed a little curious about what the baby will look like, and I also hope it will not be premature. The rate of premature births is very high these days, but there is no facility for special care for children.
Waiting for the day to meet my child, I was both happy and disappointed because it was a girl. She had no chance of inheriting anything, and her husband's family would definitely push me again. I didn't want to hear complaints and be forced to drink some strange and weird liquid.
The childcare is outsourced, but there is nothing wrong with me wanting to visit my child. It is not that I love my child, I have no interest in a loveless marriage. My child is simply innocent, I am happy every time I take care of him or play with her.
I gradually wondered why he was secretly following the child. After I caught him coming and picking up the child once, I started to be more careful and discovered some unusual things. I worried too much, afraid that someone would think that raising a baby girl was useless, or that it was the reason why I postponed having another child,... I don't know what the old-fashioned people were thinking, maybe they were just monkeys who forced everything to go their way.
It is true that the environment for raising children is not good, I want to ensure that my children develop well but it is a bit difficult. No one wants to be in a place where they tell their children that they are useless every day.
Almost three years passed, I wanted to wait until the child was strong enough. I considered leaving home. I accepted the reality that I could not help my child even though I could foresee the outcome, but I could not selfishly seek my own happiness and abandon my child. Having a second child, I thought I should find happiness in confinement instead of looking for happiness outside.
It seems like all babies have monkey faces, but that doesn't matter anymore. I don't hate taking care of children. Even though they are troublesome and sometimes cry and are annoying, I still enjoy holding them.
My son is given more attention than anyone else. I see him growing up to be a spoiled brat.
Anyway, I don't love my husband, so it's not a problem for him to marry another wife or two. Sometimes I secretly rejoice that no one will pay attention to me or my child, I want my child to stay away from the toxic people.
I can't understand what my husband is thinking. He seems to have learned how to flirt but he can only say some cheesy lines from his grandparents' time. Maybe it's because I'm a modern person that I find that kind of poetry and literature old-fashioned. Just a little understanding, free time makes people want to find something to distract themselves like finding a way to express themselves. He doesn't need to flirt with me but he must mean that I should implicitly praise and flatter a monkey.
Too rich, really boring. Having a wife so easily makes him want to find something to do, I bet he will always like to do this to tell the world about his achievements.
Amidst the pressure, I temporarily accepted his flirting as a boring pastime. I saw a free guy doing stupid things, looking stupid made me somewhat happy.
I don't know why my health is getting worse. But for someone to live past 30 is considered a miracle. In this day and age, most children die from common illnesses like fever or diarrhea, and it's not uncommon for people to die before they reach their teens. Only kings and queens who are well cared for live long, the longest they can live is 40 or 50.
My consciousness faded on the bed. I heard a story from long ago, about a girl who was strangely intelligent. She always made everything bright, energetic and loved to run around. It sounded like some fairy tale about an angel who could make everything love her, so scary that a little devil didn't dare to come near her.
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