I doubt it
Chapter 15
The door slammed open, I was pressed against it, my mouth hungrily seeking the ones also coming for mine. P'Arthit and I have been kissing the moment we got out of his car. It took everything in me to control myself till we got to his house. When I spotted his porch I tugged him over in relief.
Who knew P'Arthit had also been holding himself back. Now it was a rough push back and forth between us as we tried to get more of each other. I was breathless, a little dizzy and burning with need. My fingers twisted in his hair as he fastened his lips on mine. Kissing had never felt so good, so raw.
A part of me couldn't believe this was happening, that we were kissing, the other part was so involved in the kiss that it was filled with nothing but color and taste and breathing. There was a hole in my chest that used to be filled with the love and reassurance P'Arthit gave me. It was completely empty and feeling P'Arthit push urgently against the closed the door, his fingers sliding under my shirt without reserve before dragging the hem over my head— feeling his desperation for me felt like a salve to my wounded and empty heart.
"mmh," I moaned and stepped back more making P'Arthit chase me. We wouldn't make it to the bedroom. It felt like we've already come as far as we could. I tripped a little before falling on the couch. We separated briefly.
I opened my eyes and P'Arthit was standing over me, his face flushed, his eyes bright. He looked so handsome, so desirable. I held my hand out as if inviting him.
He said, "This is funny. We just ended everything right here yesterday.
I found that funny too and chuckled. "It makes sense then, "I said. P'Arthit was one of those types who couldn't do it in inappropriate places. Couldn't is an exaggeration. P'Arthit could do it, if he was desperate enough, or wanted it just as bad, but more often than not, he was an in the bedroom and on the bed kind of person.
I was delighted when he pulled his shirt over his head looking both shy and sexy as all hell. I sat up impatiently and kissed the line of his stomach, my fingers clamped on his waist and drew him in. the minute my tongue found his navel, he laughed and pushed me away. I wanted to say something, to tease him, but his mouth was so pressing and demanding of my whole attention.
I lost my thought and hugged his back as I fell back together with him on the sofa. I let him lead the pace. It has been years since we touched each other, not that I haven't thought of it. I have dreamt of being with P'Arthit since the moment I saw him and I tried not to imagine having sex with him and what sex used to feel like with him. P'Arthit was different from me and needed to be left to explore his comfort zone. I was sure he still needed that even now since it seemed he hasn't dated much since.
"What's wrong," he whispered next to my ear, his voice husky and sending blood rushing down below. He was kissing my neck and my ear, making it impossible for me to patiently wait for him. I wanted his so bad, I gripped the sofa for control.
"Nothing," I answered.
"Then why aren't you doing anything." He pulled back to see my face, "the Kongpob I remember would have had me under him by now."
I laughed and touched his cheek, kissed his swollen lips, and said, "I don't want to rush you, I know it's been a while."
He moved in and kissed my chin, my jaw then moved downward to my chest. "Not that long."
"Of course. I know... with Puna, just, with a guy."
"Puna and I never did anything."
That startled some of the lust from my brain. "huh?"
He laughed, "Puna isn't the only person I've dated and I didn't only date women."
I sat up and he gave me the space to. "What are you saying that you've been with guys too? Sexually?"
He nodded still smiling. "P'Arthit." I sounded like I was whining.
He laughed, "I'm only joking. We only did hands stuff. "
"oh." He kissed my shoulder and I began to relax. "Ariel is the only person I dated."
P'Arthit paused and attacked my mouth vigorously; the kiss so deep and so good that I saw stars. "I don't want to talk about her," he groaned as he pulled on my pants.
"Really, what about you with those guys."
"There is only you for me either way. I never thought of anyone the way you thought of Ariel." He pulled away and stopped trying to get me naked, which was bad because I really wanted to be naked.
I cupped his cheek. "There is only you for me too. I wasn't interested in dating at all and she was such a good friend to me. I don't love anyone the way I love you P'Arthit.'
He pushed closer, straddling me in a way that made me moan and fall forward. "Show me the way you love me, Kongpob," he said.
He didn't have to ask for it. I turned us over so that P'Arthit was pressed under me and then we began to urgently tear at each other's pants.
... Two Months Later
It didn't take long for Kongpob to practically start living with me. We were moving too fast I thought, yet I made an extra key for him. I shouldn't let him settle too completely into my life yet we went to visit my mom.
My mom was pissed at Kong because she thought he has something to do with that period of time when I suffered. He did, but it was also my own fault. I thought I was doing what Kongpob wanted me to do but couldn't ask for and I left him, for eight years.
Every time I think about the years lost I almost want to hate myself. Kongpob can see through me. "Let's make the most of it, "he said, "It is not too late."
Finally, Kongpob moved in with me officially. We fitted in like puzzle pieces though we did have the occasional spats. Such as when Kongpob gets it in his head to pay me visits to the company which he knew I didn't like.
"You know people already know that we are dating right?" he asked from where he sat on the stool by the kitchen counter.
"Yeah but I don't think coming around so obviously with no real reason is a good idea." I was in the room changing into comfortable wear of a t-shirt and shorts.
"Why can't I come around during lunch?"
I returned to the living room. "Kongpob can't you just call me to come down?"
"I know you are not ashamed of me so I am trying not to take offense."
I laughed and came behind him to pretend to look at what he was reading before I perk his cheek. "I really don't mind, but it is kind of embarrassing when everyone notices that's all."
He turned and smiled, "okay P'Arthit. I will call next time so you can mentally prepare yourself."
"That's all I'm asking."
He smiled and kissed my lips then I left him and went toward the cabinets to starting haunting for a snack.
"Huh," Kongpob said behind me. I turned and waited for him to eventually tell me the reason for his surprise. "P'Arthit, look at this."
I came over and read the paper he was holding. I realized that it was an invite to a wedding. At first, I couldn't understand until I saw the name. "Ariel?" I asked in amazement.
"So I did see it right." He took the card back with a confused expression on his face. It hasn't been more than two months since they broke up and Kongpob just recently started working at his father's company. This was after some soul searching which was why it took this long, otherwise, he already had offers from at least three companies that wanted him but his ties to family and his father's age made him decide to go back to the family business.
At first, I felt guilty. Kongpob had left to study economics because he had no interest in working in his father's company, but he reassured me that it wasn't the only reason he hadn't wanted to work there. People would have thought he didn't earn it but now with his experience, no would doubt.
Or so he wants to convince me.
I knew he has been keeping in touch with Ariel but I pretended not to know. Things between Puna and me got a little awkward after Kongpob and I got together and she confessed to being more hurt and in need of space that I realized. She demanded two months' salary and submitted her resignation and that was the last time I saw her. I didn't expect Kongpob to have the same experience with Ariel but... I guess I am a little anxious.
I turned around to the other side of the counter and studied his face. "Is it that much of a shock?"
He started and met my eyes. It was, I could tell. "No, it's just I didn't think she would... I mean..." he flustered unable to find anything to say.
I was amazed. Kongpob was usually so collected but now he was being completely and obviously affected that he couldn't even gather his thoughts. I shoved my thoughts as to why he was this affected aside and asked, "Are you going."
I took the paper. "It even said you can bring a plus one." Ariel seemed to have moved on very fast but...
From the corner of my eyes, I watched Kongpob's expression
"hmm... I don't know if I should."
"Why?"
"It would be awkward."
"She doesn't think so."
"But I do! Okay?" He grabbed the card back and couldn't look at me. I was certain now.
"You are upset that she is getting married."
"What?" he didn't sound too alarmed that I thought that. I was right.
"If you hate it so much then why did you break up with her?"
"P'Arthit," he drew his breath carefully, "don't start. It's not about that."
"Are you sure?"
He glared at me without words but I merely answered it with a raised eyebrow. "If you are then why won't you go to the wedding."
"Sure, I will go if you will go."
"I have no reason to go."
"Neither do I. I don't..." he threw a suffering gaze at the card, "I don't even know why she invited me after what I did to her."
"Maybe she wants you to stop her."
"P'Arthit," the warning was clear and I shifted my weight from the counter, turned around to return back to my previous plan which was dinner.
"If you don't want to go then don't go, if you want to go, go."
I didn't make it far before I was grabbed. Kongpob held me captive between his legs and his arms circled my shoulder. "P'Arthit."
I didn't reply. My heart has gone cold. It reminded me of eight years ago when I suspected all of Kongpob's actions. I would try to look at it critically in other to hide my fear. I guess I am doing it again.
I sighed and covered his hand with mine. "Sorry."
"No," I felt his smile, "I am glad to see this side of you."
"Really, I don't like it."
"You are jealous P'Arthit because you think I have some special feelings for Ariel that I didn't resolve. "He squeezed me warmly. "When you are like this I feel like falling in love with you more, so much more but if I love you any more than this I am afraid I would disappear."
"What are you saying?" I wanted to laugh at his usual sweetness but his seriousness kept me still.
"P'Arthit, I don't have any more feelings for Ariel than friendship. I am concerned about if she isn't moving too fast."
"But you looked really upset."
"That's because I am selfish, I thought she loved me very much and I guess I am a little upset that it hadn't meant all that much to her. I don't know how anyone who feels love can just move on so fast. I couldn't stop loving you even after eight years. I don't know..."
"hmm," I turned in his arms, our faces inches apart. "I guess I would be upset too if it is like that. After all, she's someone whose love you have had all to yourself for years, to see it disappear so quickly would upset anyone."
"P'Arthit, you've gotten really good at being patient and understanding."
I clocked him lightly on the head, "who wouldn't with a person like you."
"But you are stuck with me forever P'Arthit, too bad for you." I laughed as he hugged me and became very clingy.
Would I always be patient and understanding as I was today, I doubt it. Would I never suspect Kongpob and trust him wholeheartedly, I doubt it too. But I know for a fact that this love that we have was worth all the chances. It took eight years and too much heartache, I won't let go so easily this time.
The end.
Author's note: I am not going to be posting for a while. I am very sorry but I am cooking up a new story so don't worry that I am going to stay away for too long. I don't have a synopsis yet but when I do I will send out an announcement. Thank you so much for sticking with this story till the end. Till next time.
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