Chapter 6
Author's Note: thank you all for voting. here is another chapter and the second to last chapter before the end of this part of the story. hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 6
Ashamed of bringing Paula along to our not date I texted Kongpob to warn him about Paula. Who would have thought that Paula herself couldn't make it.
"If you don't see him today you may never see him again," I told her as I began to leave. "Don't come bothering me about where he is transferring to because I don't have any plans of asking."
The guy was leaving, the last thing I needed was access to the person who didn't like me back. Unrequited love isn't the point of my life right now. Today was all about saying goodbye to Kongpob, for good.
"You don't sound too sad that I won't be going," she noted. We were at the door and I was tying my shoelace ready to leave.
"Is that so? I didn't know until you mentioned it." I tried not to roll my eyes. I stood straight and started to leave when she caught my shirt by the neck and used it to drag me back. Since I resisted it ended up choking me so I had to give in and go back to her. She was shorter than me so she had to reach on her tiptoe to whisper into my ear.
"Don't even thinking of doing anything erotic with him while I'm not there."
"What—" I shoved her hand of me and turned to glare at her. "Are you insane, why would I do that? And what does it have to do with you."
"humph, it's okay even if you don't understand, just don't do anything I would have to punish you for."
I grind my teeth and said nothing in return. This new obsession Paula had with me I wasn't sure what to make of it. All I could do was count the remaining days till I graduate then I can leave this house and never have to see her again. That brought my thoughts back to last night with my father.
I still don't know what to do. My mother's surgery can't be delayed any further so I needed to make a decision: my freedom for my mother's life. It shouldn't be this hard to make but I just can't give in. my freedom was the only thing keeping me sane while I lived with this family.
Thinking about this kept my mood down until I got to the place Kongpob and I set to meet. It was somewhere close to school but far enough that no one we knew could see us. At this point I wanted to keep my interactions with Kongpob as impersonal as possible and make sure that it is never recalled after.
"P'Arthit!" the person I am thinking of was calling behind me. I was about to turn when he ran into me and hugged me from the back. Startled, I couldn't react save for widening my eyes and dropping my jaw. "So glad you came. I was almost afraid you would change your mind."
"Kongpob!" I tried to remove his hands but he held on tight. "Just what are you doing?"
"I missed you. Why didn't you come to school the last three days?"
My heart skipped a bit and distracted me from getting out of his hold. I slanted my head to see his face and that smile that I never thought much of but now saw it as charming. I blushed a little and looked away, turning angry.
"What do you mean you missed me, just let go already."
He did, so suddenly that I had to take a moment to adjust. I found his smiling face looking at me and wanted to hit him. "What are you smiling at?"
"You still blush around me, that means you still like me right? For some reason that makes me happy."
"It doesn't make me happy."
"Come on."
I glared at him. "You are so insensitive. Didn't you say that you didn't like me back?"
"No I said I couldn't like you back."
I looked around with the word puzzled pasted on my forehead. "Isn't that the same thing?"
"It's not, and I will tell you why. But first lets go." He took my hand and began to pull me along.
"Hey let go," I grouched, "I can walk by myself thank you very much."
"Isn't this way better?"
I looked at his head and sighed. What did I have to lose? This was probably the last time I would see Kongpob again at least let me enjoy this feeling a little.
Like this I let him lead me all over the place. He located a theme park and we spent so much of the time having fun and laughing. Time flew by so fast, I hardly thought about my problems. When we finally slowed down it was to rest at the bridge while staring at ferry rides below and sipping on juice.
We shared some information between us that I liked.
"What do you like Blue or white?"
"White," I said.
"P'Arthit I can just tell that you are a neat freak."
I laughed. "What about you?"
"Me... white."
"Huh? But you just said..."
"I guess that means we are compatible."
"I lied, I like blue." He laughed and really looked happy. I stared at his face and felt my throat closed a little.
"What about food. I know you like pink milk."
"I know you like plain foods." We smiled at each other.
"I guess we really have been noticing each other a lot more than we realized P'Arthit."
"I only thought you were a snob." I had to correct him.
"What about now?" he blinked at me looking like my opinion really mattered. It made me feel warm and soft inside.
"Take a step back first and let me see."
He looked confused but still stepped back to let me look at him. I made a show of an up and down look as if I was sizing him up, bringing a smile to his lips.
"I still see... a snob."
"P'Arthit." his whine made me laugh. "And I thought you liked me."
"Liking is one thing. Your personality is another."
"But you still like Me." he came into my personal space all insisting and the more I tried to get away the more he followed. The more I denied liking him the more he insisted.
"Okay fine..." I finally had to give in, provoking a triumphant grin. "You are a handsome snob..."
"That..."
I chuckled, "that I like. Are you happy now?"
"Yes!" he pressed our foreheads together and nuzzled me. This caused us both to freeze. My eyes were as wide as his. "Um..."
He shifted away but I didn't let him go far. I caught his hand and pulled him back in place. My face felt hot and my heart raced. It was darker now but people could still see us yet that couldn't be further thing from my mind. I glanced at his lips and licked my own, my fingers trembling with a need to touch.
"P'Arthit." he said, his breath ghosting my lips.
"I like you..." I confessed, my voice a little heavy, "a lot more than I thought before." Just being this closed to him was making me heady with emotions. Emotions that didn't feel new, in fact they felt nostalgic somehow. "I know that you are leaving and I..." my eyes glanced to his lips and back.
"Just once."
"No, P'Arthit." he pulled away decisively, breaking the trance I had been in. why I thought he would let me was a thought I couldn't process.
"P'Arthit, the reason I brought you here was to tell you the truth. I can't return your feelings, because of my soulmate."
Was this déjà vu? It felt like I had heard this crushing statement before. "What do you mean by that? What soul mate. Are you still saying that to me?"
"Listen, "he grabbed my arm and met me deep in the eyes, " I can never love you, P'Arthit. The decision to love you has long been settled. This is the first time in my life that I have looked at anyone besides my soulmate. Which is why I did all of this, to see if you were my soulmate, but you are really... not."
"Soul mate soulmate, what the hell is that. How can you even know such a thing?"
"I can! I have always found them no matter where they are in all the lives we have lived. And I have only ever loved them. It is impossible for me to love anyone else."
My lips trembled and I dragged my arm away and covered my face. I was ashamed at how easily this was hurting me. I couldn't believe I actually wanted to cry, over this guy? I swallowed some air and turned.
"Okay, so this... all of this was just to confirm that I am not your soul mate, is that it. Good, okay. Then I will go."
"P'Arthit." he tried to grab for me as I made to leave but I evaded his hand. "Don't leave like this. I never meant to hurt you. In fact it is because I like you that is why I did this."
"P'Arthit please try to understand." I walked without looking back and was able to keep my cool until he grabbed me and turned me around. I met his eyes with my wounded one. My pride was hurt, my feelings. And for some reason I was crashing harder than anything. Perhaps it was the weight of my life finally taking its toll and this was just the straw that hit the camel's back or maybe... maybe I had just liked Kongpob way too much.
But it was so fast. How can something that barely lasted a second feel this painful. Kongpob stared in horror at my tear filled eyes and my anguished face which I couldn't hide.
I shook his hand off and wiped off tears that didn't have the right to fall. "Look, Kongpob. My life is a mess, I live like an wanted slave in my father's house, enduring harassment everyday and my mother is sick and in need of surgery that neither she nor I can ever afford. I am contemplating whether it is better to sell my body or my soul at this point and now this. If you can't love me Kongpob then let me go. Stop doing this... stop... just let me go."
He stared at me and I hated the pity I could see in his eyes, hated my weakness for still hoping that he would try to hold on to me. The weakness that thought I needed him. I turned and walked away and he didn't stop me. That was the last I would see Kongpob for many years.
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