Chapter Twenty Six
MIGS
It was as if my hand had a mind of its own when it reached up to touch Saskia's face. She was still asleep as the sun was just about to rise. My body clock wakes me up before the sun rises every morning to get ready for work. I should be up and about by now but I liked the heat her body emits against mine. It was welcoming as it enveloped me.
I wanted to get lost in her. To just feel and not think. Her tranquil heartbeat against my chest lulled me in the most peaceful state of serenity. It just felt so right and wrong at the same time to be with her. I tightly shut my eyes as guilt flooded me again. There were so many other things wrong in ways I didn't know I could make right. I had just gotten out of a relationship because I cheated on my fiancee and I didn't want to use Saskia as a rebound.
I took in a deep breath and left a soft kiss on her forehead before gently getting up, careful not to wake her up.
"Migs?" Saskia said in a raspy tone, her eyelids heavy with sleep.
"It's only four in the morning. Sleep." I told her, stroking her hair.
"Saan ka pupunta?" She slowly sat up, still dazed.
"I need to get ready for work." I answered.
"Ang dilim pa sa labas..." She rubbed her eyes and turned her head to the window.
"I have to be there before anyone else. I have to set a good example to my employees." I grinned playfully.
"Ikaw ang pinakamaagang nasa opisina pero ikaw din ang pinakahuling umuuwi. Baka naman inaabuso mo na yang katawan mo. Uso din magpahinga. Maiintindihan ka naman siguro nila." She yawned and stretched out her arms. "Ano'ng gusto mong almusal?"
"It's okay. I'll just drop by a coffee shop on my way to work. Matulog ka na ulit. Late ka na ngang natulog kagabi." I reached up and tucked small strands of her hair behind her ear.
"Ano ka ba? Di ba nga sabi nila is breakfast is the most wonderful time of the year. Saka ayaw ni baby na magutom si Daddy niya, malulungkot si baby." She stroked her belly.
I couldn't help but smile. "Let's have breakfast. Ayaw ko naman malungkot ang baby natin."
We both got out of bed and took our turns fixing ourselves in the bathroom before we headed downstairs. We went to the kitchen and I sat there while watching Saskia cook for me. She was in front of the stove, humming happily as she cooked our breakfast. I remembered Mama in her. How she'd always make our food for me, yung pag-aasikaso niya sa akin, yung pag-aalaga at pag-aalala niya. It had been a long time since I let someone take care of me like this and was it bad that it felt good?
"Kumakain ka naman ng champorado, ano?" She asked while pouring it in a bowl.
"Of course." I answered.
"Ang mga kapatid ko, gustong-gusto ang champorado ko. Pramis makakalimutan mo ang pangalan mo kapag natikman mo 'to." She bragged, smiling from ear to ear.
"Well, I'd love to have a taste of your champorado." I said.
Inilapag niya sa harap ko ang isang bowl nito. "Teka, masarap yan may gatas at maraming keso sa ibabaw."
She went to get cheese and milk from the fridge and went back to me. She cut the cheese in small pieces and put a lot of it on top of the champorado and she then poured milk on it.
"Tsibugin mo na. Masarap yan." She sat on the chair next to me, staring and waiting for me to eat it.
I lifted the spoon up and brought it to my mouth.
"Masarap ba?" She asked the moment I wrapped my lips around the spoon.
I nodded my head as I chewed and gave her a thumbs up. And it really was delicious. The tastes blended well together.
"This is so good, Saskia." I said after swallowing the food.
"Sabi sa'yo eh, pati mga kapitbahay namin paborito yang champorado ko. Dati kasi noong nagjajapan pa si Mammy, naiiwan ako kay Ninang tapos nagtitinda kami ng meryenda sa labas ng bahay. Palagi nilang hinahanap yang luto ko."
"Lumaki ka talaga sa Ninang mo, ano? That's why he's so overprotective of you." I said.
"Ay oo! Si Ninang na ang tumayong pangalawang nanay namin. Umaalis-alis kasi noon si Mammy, papunta at pabalik sa Japan. Tatlo-tatlong buwan lang naman siya doon kasi wala naman siyang papel pero noong nagbuntis siya kay Yuka umuwi siya dito sa Pilipinas kasama yung hapon na tatay ni Yuka. Pero bumukod sila ng bahay noon, natira sila sa condominium, ayaw naman akong pakuha ni Ninang para tumira doon kasama ang hapon kasi babae daw ako mahirap na, baka saktan-saktan lang daw ako o molestiyahin ako noong jowa niya. Yun nagflysung si hapon bago pa napanganak si Yuka, sabi babalik pero tinakasan na pala si Mammy. Ganon din ang nangyari noong jinowa niya yung tatay ni Cosme. Hindi din pumayag si Ninang na kunin kaming dalawa ni Yuka noong nagsama sila ng lalaki kahit halos yung inupahan nilang bahay nasa kabilang kanto lang ng bahay namin. Yun iniwan din siya ng lalaki noong tinakot sila ng asawa nito na idedemanda sila. Pero alam mo kahit naman gaga yan si Mammy at si Ninang, alam kong mahal na mahal kami niya." She softly laughed.
"You have a very colorful life." I couldn't help but laugh too.
"Sinabi mo pa." She agreed, grinning from ear to ear.
"Naaalala ko ang Ninong Rome ko sa ninang mo. Siya din yung kasa-kasama ko noong bata ako. I think your Ninang Jodie and my Ninong Rome would get a long well." I said.
"Baka naman jowain pa ni Ninang yun." She giggled.
"Ninong Rome has a husband." I said.
"Husband? Di ba husband, yung asawang lalaki? Tama ba ako?" Kunot ang noong tanong niya.
I nodded my head and smiled even wider.
"Yung Ninong mo baklush din?" She asked with amusement in her tone.
I nodded again. "I'm sure they'll get a long well when they meet. Are you not going to eat?"
"Mamaya na. Panoorin lang kitang kumain, busog na din ako." She rested her elbow on the table and put her chin over her hand. "Kain ka lang ng kain. Hay nako, Migs, pinaglilihian yata talaga kita."
"You have to taste how good your champorado is." I said taking a scoop and bringing it to her mouth.
"Sige na nga." She rolled her eyes, smiling before opening her mouth to take the spoon in.
I surprised myself with a chuckle as I felt a tickle in my stomach. It was an odd feeling but it was good and I liked it. Saskia makes me feel emotions I had never felt before. It felt as if I was holding my breath my whole life and then all of a sudden just letting go of it. All the weight in my lungs finally leaving and there was some sort of rush from my chest. She was a breath of fresh air. My much needed relief.
"Nagustuhan din ba ni baby?" I asked.
"Syempre, luto ko yan." She said, patting her belly. "Hindi ba nagustuhan mo ang luto ni Mommy, anak?"
"Isa pa daw sabi ni baby." I said, lifting another scoop to her mouth.
I had two big bowls of champorado but in my defense, I shared it with her and the little one in her tummy. Even though I didn't want to, I had to leave to go to work. I had to attend a presentation and two meetings today.
I came to work three hours later than the usual. The employees were already at work when I got there. I'd always taken pride in going to work earlier than everyone else and I was sure the meeting had already begun but I didn't feel an ounce of care. I felt like I had woken up in the right side of the bed this morning.
"Good morning, Mr. Cordova." One of my employees greeted me as I whistled my way to the function room.
"Good morning, Isabelle." I smiled and waved at my people. "Good morning, everyone."
And they all greeted me back. I opened the glass door to the meeting room and as I expected, everyone was already there and the only empty seat was my seat next to Coco's. Kahit ang kapatid ko na madalas na nalalate, naunahan ako.
I silently apologized as I sat down my chair.
"Thank God, you're finally here. I thought you'd never come. I'm tired of listening to these guys and thinking of what to tell them later. I'm having a bit of a hangover." He groaned, massaging his temples.
I looked at him and the first thing I noticed was his bruised jaw. I whispered to him, "Ano'ng nangyari sa mukha mo? Did you get into a fight?"
"No... Si Tito Axel at si Dad..." He sighed and shrugged. "It's a long story.
We went back to listening to the presentation and after it was through, I gave them feedbacks and just before lunch, I adjourned the meeting. Coco and I went to my office. I sat behind my desk while Coco sat in the armchair in front of it.
"Why were you late? This was the first time this ever happened." Coco asked, his forehead crumpling.
"I had a personal business I need to tend to." I said, clasping my hands together on top of the desk.
"Ano 'to, Kuya?" Coco quickly took notice of the small red bag that had a container of champorado inside. Kay Yuka talaga ang lunch bag na iyon pero ayaw nagbabaon ni Yuka ng pagkain. Coco rummaged through the bag before I could even stop him. He took out the container and opened it.
"Ano 'to? Champorado?" Coco asked. "Mukhang masarap."
"Coco, give me that. Akin yan!" I said, extending my arms.
"Patikim lang." He said and took the spoon from the bag.
"Coco, don't you dare!" My eyes narrowed into slits.
He mockingly grinned and slowly started lowering the spoon to the bowl.
"Eat it and I will stick my finger in your mouth and make you vomit it out. I'm not kidding." I warned him.
He took a big scoop out of it and I leaned over to my desk just so I take the bowl from his hand. "Coco, akin sabi yan!"
"Bakit ba ang damot mo? Champorado lang yan! Titikman ko lang naman." He said, bringing the spoon to his mouth.
I closed the container's lid and gave him a sharp glare. "Alam mo gusto kong gawin ngayon? Gusto kong dagdagan yang pasa sa mukha mo."
His cheeky laughter filled the whole room. "It's just food. Hindi ba sabi ni Mama huwag magdadamot lalong lalo na pagdating sa pagkain. Pero masarap nga, Kuya. Sino bang may gawa niyan?"
"Si... si Saskia." I answered.
"Ah, I see..." Coco nodded his head and let out a wide grin. "Personal business, eh?"
"Shut up." I shook my head, disaprovingly.
"Ibig sabihin niyan wala na kayong chance na magkabalikan kayo ni Hazel?" He asked.
"She doesn't want me anymore." Pain rippled from my chest.
"But you would go back to her if she takes you back?"
My eyes lowered to the table. A part of me wanted to say yes, I'd still go back to her. I wanted her to give me a chance to rebuild what I had ruined. Great expectations lie on our shoulders. We both didn't know how to tell everyone that we had already called the wedding off. I didn't want to. She had been the love of my life for the past two years. She still holds a special place in my heart.
And Saskia, she brings out the life in me. Parang ibang tao ako sa tuwing kasama ko siya. I could take off my mask and be who I really am with her. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I was starting to feel things for her. The kiss last night, I knew it wasn't just lust. It was something else so intense that I'd never felt before. But a question suddenly strucked me, what if she was just a passing fancy? I wanted something knew in my life, something different and Saskia came and brought in everything I wanted. What if she was just some type of novelty. She was different from any woman I'd ever met and she made me feel thing I'd never felt before. But what if the novelty wears off? Would the feelings still be there?
"I don't know... I'm not sure about anything in my life." I said in a somber tone and lifted my eyes up to look at him. "You know, sometime I get jealous of you."
"You? Jealous of me? Brother, you're like a game character who's unlocked everything there is to unlock and all you can do now is self-impose challenges to keep things interesting." He chuckled. "You're Mom and Dad's favorite child, you're a Harvard graduate, everybody literally loves you. You are Miguel Cordova."
"And that's the saddest part. I am me. I've always felt misplaced. Imagine all these people looking up to you but you know the truth about yourself. You know sometimes I think the reason why I sabotaged my relationship with Hazel was because I want her to know that I'm not who she thought I was... because deep down, I'm not sure if I really deserve her." I felt the lump in my throat.
"Why? You were perfect for each other."
"I'm not good enough, Coco. I don't feel good enough. I graduated from Harvard but the after that I go back to being me. I got engagement to Hazel but then I'm still me. It's like winning a prickly price, a fleeting admiration and recognition that leaves me feeling more empty. So I did it, now what? Ano na ang susunod pagkatapos nun? I have to climb a higher ladder. I have to do something bigger than the last thing I did. I need to achieve more and more and more to fill and fill and fill the emptiness with something. With anything. No matter how much I succeed, no matter how much I'm praised, it's never enough and I'm just tired..." I slumped against my seat and let out a lung full of air. "I'm exhausted of being me. And then one day, Saskia came and broke my streak. All my life, I've tried to be in control but I gave my chance to be broken with Saskia. She's the crack in my life that allowed light to shine through. She's my relief..."
"Ibig sabihin ba niyan may nararamdaman ka na din para kay Saskia?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure..."
"And you wind up justifying the pain you inflicted on Hazel because Saskia made you happy? Because hey it's love or, I don't know, something? But you can't use love to declare your innocence. Kahit saang korte walang tatanggap niyan. Magpapatuli ulit ako kapag nakahanap ka." He said in a preachy tone.
"Says the idiot who told me that having a 'last hurrah' before getting married is okay." I said, trying to make light of the conversation. I just wasn't used to having a sensible conversation with my not-so-sensible brother.
"It's only okay when you don't get caught." He snickered. "Speaking of marriage, mukhang mauunahan kita, brother."
"You're getting married? To who?" I asked, quite surprised.
"You'll know on Saturday. We're all going to have dinner at the house. Mandatory yun, brotha. Be there." He said, his tone changing into a cheerful one.
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