Find Yourself
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For half of her life, Riley had been eagerly anticipating this moment. She had dreamed of and longed for this moment since she was a teenager. Toby, her childhood friend, had always been the object of her affection. They had grown up together, sharing countless memories and experiences. Riley knew everything about Toby, from his favorite foods to his deepest fears. Despite her searing feelings for him, she had always been too afraid to confess her love. Her heart raced with anticipation as she wondered what the future held for her and Toby.
As Riley turned 30, she felt a sense of urgency to reveal her true feelings to Toby. She knew it was a risky move that highly could ruin their friendship forever, but the thought of living the rest of her life with regret was even more daunting. Riley knew what was best for herself. She needed to take a chance and tell Toby about her feelings, no matter how difficult. This decision's weight was heavy on her heart, but she was determined to take the leap of faith and see where it may take her.
During a stroll in the park, Riley mustered up all the courage to confess her deepest feelings to Toby. She poured her heart out, expressing how she had longed for this moment. Riley yearned to be the one to take him home tonight and believed that they could make their relationship work if they gave it a chance. She did not rush Toby because she wanted to wait for the perfect moment to take the next step. She even sang him her favorite song, "Find Yourself" by Before You Exit and Great Good Fine Ok, to express her concealed thoughts:
"I've been waiting
Half my life
Just to be the one to take you home tonight
We can make it
If we try
But I wanna wait until the time is right."
Toby was utterly surprised when Riley confessed her feelings to him. However, her words also stirred an intense feeling of warmth and tenderness within him. He had always sensed a deep connection between them, but that she shared his sentiment was entirely unexpected and thrilling. While he needed time to process the magnitude of her revelation, he also conveyed his eagerness to explore the potential of a more profound and meaningful relationship between them.
Over the next few weeks, Riley and Toby's relationship grew fast, and they started spending more and more time together. They went on long walks, exchanged stories and jokes, and indulged in their love for coffee. Slowly but surely, they started opening up to each other, sharing their deepest fears and desires. They took things at their own pace and never rushed into anything. And then, one day, they both knew they were ready to take the next step. They became a couple, and Riley felt deep contentment and joy. She knew she had found the one she had been searching for all along, and the wait had been worth it.
Despite their deep love for each other, Toby and Riley's relationship had challenges. After dating for a year, Toby landed a new job in another country, and the long-distance relationship began to take a toll on them. Despite their best efforts, they found themselves arguing more frequently and struggling to maintain the connection they once had. Eventually, regardless of the difficulty, they decided to temporarily end their relationship, hoping that some time apart would help them find their way back to each other.
Toby was okay with that, but Riley was not. Sometimes, she sat in her car, staring out the windshield as the rain poured and thinking about Toby. Riley had been through a tumultuous week since her temporary breakup with him. Despite her efforts to hold back the tears, she sensed that something was not right. Lately, Riley had been obsessed with the feeling that they were drifting apart further than she had initially realized. The thought of a permanent breakup sent shivers down her spine, leaving her feeling anxious and uncertain about the future of their relationship.
As she drove home, she could not stop thinking about Toby. He had told her to tell him what was on her mind before leaving for his flight, but she remained silent. Riley wanted to let him know everything but did not know where to start.
"I can not get you off my mind," she whispered, only loud enough for herself to hear. She had been thinking about Toby's soft voice and warm embrace, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that maybe they were meant to be over.
"Are we over or meant to be?" Riley asked herself, feeling lost and confused. She loved Toby but could not ignore the feeling they chased after dreams in different directions.
"I do not need to know the answer right now," she reminded herself, taking a deep breath. As she pondered her next steps, she was sure that the timing would eventually fall into place. She understood that she needed some time to figure out her goals and determine the path she wanted to take.
While pulling into her driveway, her mind wandered back to her last conversation with Toby. She replayed his words, trying to make sense of them. He sounded serious when he told her he could not let her make those mistakes with him. His words left her confused and lost, unsure of what to do next. Despite her inner turmoil, she knew that Toby's advice was sound. She needed to take her time and not rush into anything, no matter how much her heart wanted to.
"So don't let someone find you until you find yourself," Riley repeated to herself, feeling comforted by the lyrics from "Find Yourself" by Before You Exit and Great Good Fine Ok. Recognizing the importance of self-discovery and personal growth, she deliberately prioritized herself. Riley decided to take a much-needed break from the dating scene. She realized that she needed to comprehend and define her desires, values, and goals before establishing a fulfilling and meaningful relationship with someone.
With that thought in mind, Riley turned off the car and headed inside, ready to start her journey of self-discovery. The excitement was palpable. Her face lit up with a radiant smile, and her eyes gleamed with anticipation. She knew she had her flaws. One of them was the inability to change. Others had tried encouraging her to work on herself, but Riley had never taken it seriously. Whenever she and Toby got into heated arguments, she lost her temper and said hurtful things to him, causing him to break up with her. Riley used to be devastated. She had wondered many times whether she had lost Toby yet. It turned out that Riley lost track of herself and her identity instead. Riley still loved Toby but could not let her flaws hurt him anymore. Hence, Riley respected Toby's decision. She also was willing to support him even if he wanted to end their love story.
Over the next few weeks, Riley worked hard on herself. She went to therapy, read self-help books, and tried to become a better version of herself. She knew she could not change overnight but was determined to make progress.
Then, after nearly six months, Toby agreed to meet her again. They talked for hours, and Riley poured her heart out to him. She told him about her struggles and desire to change. Toby listened intently and was impressed by her honesty and vulnerability. He realized she had changed a lot. After much consideration, Toby decided to grant Riley another opportunity. He acknowledged her flaws but was confident in her willingness to make the necessary changes. Thus, they went on a fresh adventure filled with affection, mercy, and personal development.
Riley was grateful not only for Toby's forgiveness but also for the song "Find Yourself" and its message. Therefore, whenever things went wrong, she would start humming to the melody that filled her heart with hope and courage:
"Did I lose you?
I can't change
But you're free to turn and walk the other way
I won't abuse you
Either way
I don't know if there will be another day
Tell me what's on your mind
I can't get you off mine
Are we over or meant to be?
Don't need to know right now
Timing will work it out
Can't let you make those mistakes with me
So don't let someone find you until you find yourself
So don't let someone find you until you find yourself."
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