Kabanata 1
Kabanata 1
"Marcus..." My breath labored.
Nangunot lang lalo ang kanyang noo at tumiim ang panga. Isang mabilis na galaw lang ay nakaalis na siya sa ibabaw ko at naupo sa gilid ng kama.
"Get out," he said coldly.
Napaupo ako, sumusulyap sa kanya habang malakas ang kalabog ng dibdib.
"Marcus..."
"Get out," he repeated in a monotone and while looking at his face and the white bandage covering his eyes, my heart felt like it was squeezing.
What happened? Why was he like this? Hindi naman siya ganito no'ng nagpunta ako para sumilip saglit! He was fine! The kids were, too!
"Ang mga bata?" I asked, watching how his lips tugged into a sly and cold smile.
"What now? You're concerned about the kids? Ano, wala na ba ang perang kinuha mo sa akin?" matabang niyang sagot at mas lalo akong nalito.
"Anong pera?" I asked, confused, and yet, he chuckled nonchalantly.
"Stop shitting me, Storm," malamig niyang sabi. "Leave."
"But Marcus-"
"I said leave me the fuck alone!" he screamed, the veins on his neck showing with his sudden rage.
My eyes teared up. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at lumapit sa kanya ng bahagya. Hesitating, I lifted my hand to try and touch his face but he caught it immediately.
"Are you dumb? I. Said. Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone," he said, gripping my palm tightly.
Napasinghap ako sa bigla at mabilis na hinila ang kamay ko mula sa kanya.
"Ang mga anak n-natin..." I was scared and startled but my mind kept on wandering to the twins.
"Huh..." he chuckled. "And now, they're our kids, eh? Sad to say but you were stripped off your rights from them the moment you abandoned my kids."
Mabilis akong napailing. "Anong ibig mong s-sabihin?"
"You can't take my kids. They are mine, you understand?" His jaw was clenching while he was saying that. "Leave. Huwag na huwag kang magpapakita sa mga bata."
Mabilis kong inabot ang kamay niya at hinawakan, napatalon pa siya roon at pilit na kinuha ang kamay pero hinigpitan ko iyon.
"But they're my kids too, Marcus!" I exclaimed, panicking. "P-paanong wala akong karapatan sa kanila? I love them as much as you do-"
"Oh, fuck you! You are only a mother to them when it's convenient for you!" sigaw niya at hinila ang kamay niya mula sa akin. "Nasaan ka no'ng kailangan ka ng mga bata?! Tinaboy mo sila! Putangina, Storm! Mahal na mahal ka ng mga bata pero..."
He shook his head and pulled his hair, groaning.
"Pero tinaboy mo sila! Na nagsasawa ka na sa amin! Dahil kanino? Sa putanginang lalaki mo?! I gave you everything! Ano? Mas mapera ba 'yan? Is he great at sex, huh?" Dumiin lalo ang kanyang boses, tumaas ang balikat sa mabilis na paghinga. "Kahit hindi na ako, wala akong pakialam, pero 'yong mga anak mo? Anong klaseng ina ka para iwan dito ang mga anak mo?!"
My lips quivered, mabilis kong hinawi ang mga luha ko.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered. "Marcus, I'm sorry."
"Fuck you and your sorry," he murmured. "You are bullshit."
Umiling-iling ako, mabilis na pumunta sa harapan niya at walang pagdadalawang-isip na lumuhod.
"M-Marcus, please..." I begged, trying to get his hand. "M-magbabago ako! A-aalagaan ko sila, m-mamahalin ko, p-pangako...I'm sorry..."
"You lost the chance of being a mother when you hurt my children physically, Storm," malamig niyang sinabi at napaawang na ang labi ko.
What the fuck did you do to the children, Storm?!
"A-anong..." My voice trembled. "I-I've hurt the k-kids?"
"I see you have amnesia now?" he spat mockingly. "I would never forget the tears in my children's eyes, Storm Raina. Whatever you do won't take the tears my kids shed for a useless woman like you."
Hindi na ako nakapagsalita. I was frozen in my place, kneeling in front of him.
Storm hurt the kids...the kids were hurt and it was because of me.
Because I was...
"Leave. Ayokong makikita ka ng mga anak ko rito pagkauwi nila." Acid dripped from his voice. "Mas ina pa ang kapatid ko kaysa sa 'yo. I was a fucking mess, you see. I'm blind. More reasons why you have to leave my children. Hindi ka nila kailangan, Storm."
"Macky..." Mas lumapit ako sa kanya. "B-baka naman pwedeng-"
"You're a bitch." I know I wasn't but hearing it from his mouth made me feel it. "Wala ka no'ng kailangan ng mga anak ko ng ina. Wala ka no'ng kailangan ko ng a-asawa, Storm. W-wala ka."
He moved, tahimik nahiga siya sa kama at tumalikod sa akin habang ako'y nakatulala lang sa kanyang likod. Ang luha ay naging dahilan para manlabo ang paningin.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano pa ako nagtagal doong nakaluhod sa may ibaba ng kama, nakatulala sa kanya, walang lakas. I almost praised myself when I even got enough strength to stand from the floor at sa nanghihinang tuhod ay nagtungo sa pintuan para lumabas.
Before I left, I took a glance at Marcus lying on the bed with his back against me at ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko habang nakatingin sa kanyang likod.
"Babawi ako," bulong ko sa hangin. "Pangako, b-babawi ako."
When I closed the door behind me, I couldn't take it anymore. Dire-diretso ang lakad ko papunta sa kwarto ng mga bata at pagkasara ko pa lang ng pinto ay napaupo na ako sa likuran nito at bumagsak sa lapag.
Frantically, I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed my twin's phone number.
I put it on my ear. "Answer it, Storm," aariing sabi ko.
"Hello, sister!" Tumiim ang panga ko nang marinig ang saya sa boses niya nang sinagot ako.
"What have you done to the kids?" malamig at mariing tanong ko.
"What?" She sounded confused and mocking. "What did I do-"
"You hurt the twins, Storm Raina!" matigas kong sinabi. "You fucking hurt the twins!"
"Oh..." she murmured. "It's a natural thing, Varsha. They're kids, I was just disciplining them as a mother."
"But you don't have to hurt them like that, Storm!" I exclaimed. "You don't have to make them cry! You promised me you'll take care of them and now...bakit mo sinaktan ang mga b-bata, huh?" Nanghina ang boses ko.
"Varsha," she sighed. "That's what's mothers do. Disciplining the kids. That's what good mother do-"
"Stop me with your bullshit," malamig kong turan. "What happened here? Nasaan ang mga bata? What happened to Marcus? Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin ang nangyari sa kanya? You're taking money from him? Did I not give you enough? And you're cheating on him?"
"Ang dami namang tanong." Napatawa siya sa akin pero ni hindi man lang ako nangiti.
Ibang-iba na siya! This wasn't the sister I knew!
"I am not playing with you, Storm," I said coldly. "You answer me right now while I'm still good to you. Huwag mo akong susubukan."
"You'll figure it out, sis." She sighed. "And don't worry, a part of that money you've been giving me and him are going to nanay's dialysis. 'Yong iba ro'n, siyempre, sustento na niya sa mga bata."
"You are unbelievable," bulong ko at naipikit ang mata nang mariin.
"I'll be back soon if you like." She even chuckled playfully. "For now, can you play wifey with my handsome husband? Just so you know, he's a bit stern. Kaya 'di kami magkasundo pero malay mo't mahuli mo ang kiliti niya."
"Damn you, Storm," bulong ko. "What am I? A fucking substitute? You started this mess and now you won't take the responsibility? Nagpakahirap ako sa ibang bansa para-"
"Stop with the drama, Varsha." She sighed. "I'm so tired of everyone nagging me. You, Nanay, Marcus...and hell, I'm sure you'll be annoyed by that damn Darshana and Fleureah."
"Storm, hindi pa tayo tapos-"
"Oh, bye!" she chirped. "My boyfriend's calling me. Just enjoy playing wife to my husband there, malay mo't makuha mo ang loob n'ong dalawang makulit na bata," aniya at bago pa man ako makapagsalitang muli ay pinatayan na niya ako.
Gritting my teeth, my grip on the phone tightened.
Ano ba itong pinasok ko? If only Storm did what she promised me, we wouldn't be in this damn situation now!
Iba na siya! How could she change so drastically?! How could she be like this! I didn't fucking know her anymore!
I called nanay afterwards and she briefed me about everything I missed. Ayaw ko mang guluhin siya dahil nanghihina siya sa dialysis at nasa ospital pero ayokong walang alam habang narito.
Turns out, Marcus had two siblings-Darshana and Audette. Daru was his sibling who had been taking care of the kids and I couldn't wait to see her and thank her for everything.
Marcus got into an accident, the reason why he became like that, at kapag naaalala ko ang tingin niya noon kapag nakikita ko siya ay nalulungkot ako. Those blue eyes.
Nanlumo ako. He didn't deserve that but I knew I couldn't take back the mess my twin caused and while I was here, I had to fix everything and I was starting now.
Hinding-hindi ko mababawi ang sakit na ibinigay ni Storm sa kambal at kay Marcus, pero gusto kong bumawi sa kanila. Gusto kong ayusin ang gulong nasimulan namin ni Storm.
I fixed myself. Naghilamos ako para hindi mahalata ng mga tao na umiyak ako at inihanda ang sarili.
I checked Marcus first in his room and saw him sleeping on the bed in the same position I left him. His back against my direction in a fetus position, and it tugged my aching heart seeing him that way.
Marahan akong lumapit sa kanyang pwesto, naupo sa kanyang tabi at tumitig sa kanyang mukha. I couldn't see his face clearly because of the white cloth covering his eyes but I could see a glimpse of some scars near his forehead.
Sumikip ang dibdib ko, mabilis na nag-iwas ng tingin at tahimik na kinuha ang comforter para iangat iyon sa katawan niya.
He moved a little when I did that kaya natigil ako't kinabahan at mabuti't 'di siya nagising kaya umangat ang labi ko para sa maliit na ngiti.
"I'm sorry, Marcus," I mumbled. "You don't deserve this, I'm so sorry. Babawi ako, pangako."
He hummed a little, his red lips protruded as he moved his one hand just beside his ear.
Like a kid.
Napangiti akong lalo at inangat ang kamay para sana haplusin ang kanyang buhok pero naiwan iyon sa ere at napailing.
"This is wrong," bulong ko at ikinuyom ang kamay.
Pagkatapos kong ipagsawa ang mata sa kakatitig sa kanya habang malalim ang kanyang tulog ay lumabas ako.
Bumaba ako sa kusina pagkatapos at naabutan ang dalawang babae roong nagkumpulan at nag-uusap.
"Hello, kumain na kayo?" I greeted, startled when they immediately moved away from each other.
"M-ma'am, sorry po, nagkikwentuhan lang po," tuloy-tuloy na sabi n'ong isa kaya nangunot na ang noo ko't nagtaka pero sa huli'y ngumiti.
"Ayos lang, sige lang, kwentuhan lang kayo," sagot ko, nabakas ang gulat sa kanilang mata. "But can I ask if I could use the kitchen now?"
"Opo!" tango nila. "Opo, ma'am. Pwede. B-bakit naman hindi?"
"Gagawa sana ako ng macaroons para kay Sky, may ingredients kayang available rito?" marahang tanong ko.
"Opo...opo, mayro'n, ma'am," tango ng isa at kung tama ang pagkakatanda ko'y siya si Nancy? I couldn't be so sure but I remembered her when I went here in this house to check the kids before.
"Salamat, Nancy," marahang sinabi ko.
Napahawak siya sa dibdib. "Kilala mo pala ako, aa'am?" aniyang tuloy-tuloy kaya tumango ako at maliit muling ngumiti.
"You are Sky's nanny," I said. "Correct? And..." Lumingon ako at nakitang nakatitig din sa 'kin ang isa. "This is Alice, you're Sunny's nanny."
Tahimik lang silang dalawa, nakanganga sa akin at nagtaka ako. Naisip na parang ang daldal ko ata masyado kaya nag-init ang pisngi at tumikhim.
"Bakit naman ganyan ang itsura ninyo? Mukha ba akong multo?" natatawang tanong ko dahil nakatulala sila sa aking dalawa.
"Hala! Hala, hindi, Ma'am Storm!" iling ni Nancy. "Nakakagulat lang po kasi 'di mo kami tinatawag sa pangalan noon tapos 'di kinakausap."
I felt bad at that, naisip ko kaagad kung ano-anong kalokohang ginawa ni Storm kaya ngumiti na lang ako sa dalawa.
"Pasensya na, ah? Wala lang kasi ako sa sarili noon." I smiled. "Pero gagawa sana akong macaroons para kay Sky, pwede kaya?"
"Opo, ma'am. Sure po," tango nila. "May ingredients po rito si Ma'am Daru, gagawa sana no'ng nakaraan kaso 'di natuloy. Pwede n'yong gamitin."
I thanked them when they helped me prepare the ingredients for Sky's macaroons. I knew he liked this very much kaya nga kahit no'ng nasa ibang bansa ako'y gumagawa ako ng paraan para man lang mapadalhan ng pagkaing gano'n ang mga bata.
Sky liked macaroons in particular while the little and adorable Sunny liked nothing in particular. She enjoyed a variety of sweets, kahit ano basta masarap ay kakainin ni Sunny.
Natigilan ako sa paghahalo ng ingredients, sumasagi sa isip ang dalawang bata.
"'Yong dalawa..." Sumulyap ako kina Nancy at sa isa pang house help na tumutulong. "Are they doing fine in Daru's care?"
Nagkatinginan sila. Si Alice na ang sumagot kaya sumulyap ako sa kanya.
"Naku, ma'am. Sobrang bait po ni Ma'am Daru. Mama Daru nga po ang tawag ng kambal sa kanya. No'ng wala po kayo madalas, nandoon ang kambal, lalo na po kapag may trabaho si Sir Macky tapos po 'yong naaksidente si sir." Masakit man sa loob na gano'n ang nangyayari ay masaya pa rin akong may tumatayong nanay sa mga bata.
"Do they stay there often?"
"Ay, opo. Madalas nga kaming nando'n ni Nancy para bantayan ang kambal, ayaw din po kasi ni Sir Macky na nakikita siya n'ong dalawa na gano'n."
Natigilan ako sa paghalo. "Hindi alam ng kambal na gano'n ang nangyari kay Marcus?"
"Ay, alam po," Alice answered me. "Umiyak po 'yong dalawa tapos ayaw hiwalayan si sir no'ng nalaman pero alam mo naman si sir, ayaw na ayaw niyang nakikitang umiiyak 'yong dalawa kaya pinapapunta niya kina Ma'am Daru o kaya kay Ma'am Reah madalas. 'Yong nurse po ni sir t'wing gabi lang pumupunta rito."
Napatango-tango ako at tumitig sa ginagawa.
"I-is he doing fine, then?"
"Si sir po?" Nancy asked. I nodded. "Ayos naman po kaso sobrang tahimik na ngayon. Hindi naman po sa tahimik na siya dati pa pero mas sumobra lang ngayon. Madalas pong nakasigaw at mainit ang ulo, pero naiintindihan naman po namin kasi may nangyari sa kanya. Ayaw nga po niyang pinupuntahan siya sa kwarto, miski ang nurse niya."
"Then who's checking on him?" mahinang tanong ko, napapalunok. 'Di maipaliwanag ang hapdi sa dibdib sa naririnig sa kanya.
"Dinadalhan po namin ng pagkain pero madalas po'y hindi naman niya ginagalaw. Nagkukulong po sa kwarto, lumalabas lang po kapag pinupuntahan ni Ma'am Reah dito at inaalagaan."
I nodded, lowering my head.
"Kumain na ba siya ngayon?" I asked, remembering seeing him falling in the bathroom earlier.
"Hindi pa po, ayaw niya raw po kaya 'di na namin pinilit," sagot niya kaya tumango ako at nanahimik na.
They were reluctant to talk to me at first. I knew this might be because of Storm but after baking, I could see they were becoming a little comfortable with me which was a good start.
Pinabantayan ko muna sa kanila ang bi-ne-bake ko bago naghanda ng pagkain para sana kay Marcus. I put it on the tray and went to his room, only to see him sitting on it with his back resting on the headboard.
Nakakabinging katahimikan ang natagpuan ko pagkapasok at miski ako'y 'di alam kung paano niya iyon nakakaya.
I entered the room and opened my mouth to speak but he did before I could.
"What are you still here?" he asked in a nonchalant voice.
"K-kain ka." Lumunok ako.
"Leave."
Hindi ako nagpatinag at mas naglakad pa patungo sa kanyang pwesto.
"Marcus, kahit kaunti lang-"
"How many times do I have to tell you to leave me the fuck alone, Storm?!" he exclaimed. "Ayokong makikita ka ng mga bata rito sa pamamahay ko! Ayokong nandito ka, naiintindihan mo?!"
"Hindi kita guguluhin, pangako," mahinang sambit ko. "Gusto ko lang na kumain ka. Kagabi ka pa raw walang kain."
"So you care now?" he asked. "What do you need this time, Storm? A million? Sure, contact my secretary and she'll give you what you want. After that, will you leave me and my children alone?"
"Hindi ko kailangan ang pera, Marcus," paliwanag ko at inilapag ang tray sa side table, tumatabi sa kanya sa gilid ng kama. He moved away a little and it pained me seeing him so disgusted of me but what could I do?
"I am here because I want to take care of y-you. To take care of o-our kids." My voice broke. "Pangako, hindi ako hihingi ng kahit ano tungkol doon. You c-can prohibit me from anything about monetary issues. I am here for genuine reasons, Marcus. Gusto kitang alagaan at ang mga bata."
Hindi siya sumagot. Ni hindi siya gumalaw sa pwesto niya kaya binasa ko ang labi at muling nagsalita.
"I promise, Marcus," mahinang sabi ko. "Nandito lang ako para pakainin ka."
"I'm not hungry. Fuck off," matabang niyang sagot at akmang hihiga muli para talikuran ako kaya dali-dali kong inabot ang braso niya.
"Don't just think about yourself, Marcus," mahinang sinabi ko na. "Think about your children. How about them?"
"Why are you involving my kids here?" he asked icily, his jaw clenching. "Huwag na huwag mong idadamay ang mga anak ko rito-"
"Think of it, if you won't eat. If you starve yourself to death, what would Sky and Sunny feel?" Hindi siya nakasagot sa sinabi ko. "Kung magkakasakit ka, paano ang dalawa? Do you think they'll be happy you're s-suffering like this?"
"They won't see me anyway," he murmured. "They're with my sister."
"Yes, they can't, but do you think they aren't thinking of you?" tanong kong muli at tumitig sa mukha niya, huling-huli ang pagkunot ng noo niya.
He snorted, nag-iwas siya ng mukha sa akin pero mabilis kong sinapo ang kanyang pisngi at ipinaharap siya sa akin.
"The fuck are you doing..." bulong niyang mariin at pilit na lumalayo pero mas hinawakan ko ang kanyang pisngi, mabining hinaplos ang kanyang pisngi pababa sa kanyang panga.
"The kids love you so much, your whole family does. I heard you're cutting them off...?"
"What could a nuisance like me give them, huh? Headache? Bulag ako, Storm. Pabigat ako sa pamilya ko," mariing sinabi niya. "Stop me with your words like that, woman. You won't move me with those wise words of yours. You act like you care when you were the first one to leave me first."
Nangilid ang luha ko.
"Hindi..." bulong ko at pinakatitigan ang puting benda sa kanyang mga mata. "I-I care for you, Marcus. I genuinely do."
"Bullshit," he whispered back, mas nanghihina ang boses. "You care for me, hmm? After you broke your promise to me? That night when y-you came back, you promised me we'd try and fix this and you didn't, Storm! You lied to me. You fucking liar. You lied to me."
Napatango-tango ako, hinaplos kong lalo ang kanyang pisngi at idinikit ang aking noo sa kanya.
"I-I'm so sorry, Marcus. I am s-so sorry," bulong ko pang muli sa kanya. "I know it's too much to ask but c-can you give me another chance? I promise, I promise I'll be a g-good wife. I promise I'll t-take care of you and o-our kids."
"No..." iling niya. "I don't believe you."
Sumikip ang dibdib ko pero ayaw kong ipilit ang mga bagay na mahirap ibigay. If I forced him to give me another chance then it wouldn't be a genuine one. I must-somehow-even if it wasn't me, try and fix the relationships my twin had damaged.
"I understand." Tumango-tango ako at marahan siyang binitawan. "Just eat now-"
"Ayoko," simpleng sagot niya.
"Marcus-"
"Ayoko," ulit pa niya kaya nakagat ko ang labi, nahuhuli ang kilay na halos magsalubong kaya ngumuso ako.
"Para kang si Skyler," bulong-bulong ko pa pero narinig niya ata dahil nagsalita na.
"He's my son, woman. Of course, we are the same." He scoffed. Napailing ako.
No matter how stern Marcus was, I'd forever be grateful to him for accepting the kids and taking care of them. He was a great father, I knew. I'd do my very best for him to be better.
At saka...para na rin sa mga bata.
"Oh, siya, sige na." I gently put the tray on the bed. "Kakain ka, okay? Susubuan kita."
"I can feed myself," sabat niya. "I can do it alone," he said, lakas-loob pang humawak-hawak sa gilid niya. "Where the fuck is it?"
Hindi ako umimik, pinagmasdan ko ang kamay niyang kumakapa roon at saktong paglapit sa akin ay 'di ko alam kung bakit pero dagli kong hinuli ang kamay niya.
He was frozen. I noticed how he was stunned, unmoving, mostly when I filled the gaps of his fingers with mine. I gripped it.
Lumalim ang paghinga niya. "Let me go."
"Bibitawan kita kapag pumayag kang subuan kita," I offered.
"Storm Raina," mariing tawag niya at muling hinila paalis ang kamay niya.
"Marcus Aristaeus..." tawag ko rin kaya napanguso na siya.
"You are damn annoying, Storm. When did you became this nosy?" he asked, nagulat pa ako nang makitang nakaangat ang sulok ng kanyang labi.
I stifled a small laugh, tumitig ako sa kamay niyang hawak ko at pinakiramdaman ang kalmado at mainit kong puso.
He was a mestizo. His skin was fair kaya kapag namumula iyon ay kaagad mong mababakas. Matangkad at athletic ang katawan, tila sanay sa nakakapagod at pisikal na trabaho. I could see how proud his shoulders were and how hardened his chest was despite the shirt he was wearing, yakap-yakap nito ang kanyang braso at sa kita ko ang mga ugat na naroon.
Mas mahaba ang kanyang buhok na itim na itim pero may parteng kulay tsokolate. Mas matikwas iyon kaysa sa una kong kita sa kanya, but unlike before his aura was much darker. His prominent jaw could be seen even in his side profile, his curvaceous lips felt like they were teasing even with just a simple glance at them.
I looked at the white cloth covering his eyes and felt like I was in a museum watching art hidden from the world and having the privilege to be the first person to see.
Why am I this attached to you, Marcus? This is so wrong. You are my twin's husband and yet...
Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Mabilis kong nabitawan ang kamay niya at napansin ang pagkakatigil nito sa biglaan kong hila ng kamay ko.
The small smile on his lips faded, napaawang ang labi ko nang marahas na lumunok siya at ikinuyom ang kamay.
"Marcus," I called, realizing what I just did. "S-sorry-"
"Stop pretending you care, Storm. I know how disgusting I look right now. Hindi mo kailangang iparamdam. No one could stand me, why am I even expecting you would?" mahina, puno ng pait at malamig niyang sabi.
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