11-Kilig
Taehyung stares at his phone screen in disbelief.
How could he have possibly missed this? What had been so important to him that he would've glanced over this notification and not even thought twice about it?
Three days ago:
Yoonji's Birthday ❤️
He had never forgotten her birthday, not once since he met her, and yet it had completely slipped his mind just three days ago. Of course, it's not like she was around to celebrate with, but Taehyung had always taken the time on that day to talk to her, to fill her in on all the little things going on in his life as he lay in bed, hoping she could hear him wherever she was.
It was the only time he ventured to do so, because every other day, it was just a struggle to get up in the morning and not let his thoughts be consumed by the fact that she was no longer here.
No, on her birthday, he let himself be real, let himself face the fact that she would never come back.
Ever.
At this moment, he sinks down on his bed with Yeontan at his feet, who is staring up at his owner curiously. Taehyung had come to get the dog for his daily walk while Yoongi was in therapy, but now he sits unblinking, staring down at his phone and trying his hardest not to cry.
He feels so guilty.
What was he doing three days ago?
He closes his eyes and thinks, nearly losing himself when he remembers his date with Yoongi, the intimacy they shared later that night, curled up on his patient's bed. He remembers admitting to himself that he was attracted to his patient, that he may want something more with him and then he remembers Yoongi's meltdown and Jimin's phone call.
Since then, things have leveled out, and though Yoongi had been irate with him that night, they are now back to square one, though on more amiable terms. It feels much like an actual working relationship. Yoongi is nice and accepts help, and Taehyung is polite and offers it.
They don't talk about the date, the massage, the way the nurse's lips had Yoongi writhing in ecstasy. They don't talk about the anger built up inside each of them, the resentment of their pasts, or Taehyung's new sexual curiosity. But mostly, they don't talk about the near kiss, about the way Yoongi's eyes had fluttered shut in expectation. About how Taehyung had wanted nothing more than to connect their lips together and feel something again.
They simply ignore it.
As much as it bothers him, right now it's for the best.
Yoongi has been busy with Jimin, helping the younger man make arrangements for his mother. Taehyung can tell by the phone calls and the muttered statements that Yoongi was indeed close with Jimin 's mother, or had been during childhood. He doesn't know much about his patient's relationship with his own mother, but if it's anything like the one with his father, then it's strained at best.
Perhaps Taehyung has misstepped. Perhaps Yoongi had been moved by his consideration that night and was merely acting in the moment. Perhaps he doesn't feel the same way about Taehyung that the nurse is beginning to realize he feels about his patient.
It's for the best, he tells himself. Because his infatuation had caused him to forget the one person in his life that h3 had given everything to— Yoonji.
With this heavy in his heart, Taehyung leashes Yeontan up and makes his way down to the first floor. He's surprised to find the therapy room vacant and his patient sitting by the large windows overlooking Seoul with a cigarette in his hand.
Wrinkling his nose, the nurse hangs back by the staircase, watching Yoongi curiously. He's taking a phone call, his raspy voice curling up into the air much like the smoke from the stick dangling in his fingers. Taehyung really wishes he wouldn't smoke; he seems to be doing it more everyday, citing stress as the main reason and even Jungkook's incessant nagging at him to stop doesn't seem to be helping.
"Jimin, it will be ok," Yoongi breathes out, rubbing his temple with his forearm. "I'm sorry it happened like that. I really am. But soon it will be over and you'll be back here with me." He pauses then to listen to a reply before laughing. "I miss you so much too. Can't wait for you to be home."
Letting out a breath, Taehyung tugs at Yeontan and leaves the apartment. He's heard enough of that. He tells himself that the reason Yoongi's words have irritated him so much is because the elder makes him sound replaceable, like his work as a nurse means nothing and he's just some b-grade stand in for Jimin, who Yoongi truly cares about.
A sour feeling roils in Taehyung's gut as he stands outside and lets Yeontan frolic through the gardens. He really liked Jimin when they first met, had found the man kind and soft-hearted— which he is— but a part of him is now... jealous. Now that he realizes that he likes his patient as more than a possible friend, hearing that Jimin was Yoongi's first love doesn't sit well with him. Obviously, nothing would come of the infatuation— Yoongi had stated as much himself— but it still doesn't quell the rapidly-rising insecurity within the nurse.
Which is ridiculous, because isn't Taehyung the one hung up on his first love? Did he not take this job in the first place because Yoongi looked so similar to Yoonji? Isn't he nothing but a hypocrite?
Nothing will happen between them, he leaves in less than two months, and Jimin may be coming back early anyway, so—
"Hey!"
Taehyung turns around to find Seokjin strolling across the parking lot over to where Yeontan is attempting to eat a flower. The elder bends down and pets the dog, even accepting a few kisses in greeting.
"You ok?" Seokjin questions in his pristine chef's apparel, obviously intending on going into work later at the restaurant after he prepares Yoongi's meals.
With a sigh, the nurse nods, whistling for Yeontan to come back to him. "We were just finishing up our walk," he explains, falling in line with the chef as they walk towards the entrance of the apartments.
"Ah, I see. It's such a lovely day, which means Yoongi-ssi is probably not in a good mood," Seokjin teases.
Taehyung quirks a brow at this. "He's stressed, but because of Jimin-hyung's mother passing away. But other than that, I don't think I've really noticed a difference in his mood on days like this."
"Oh really? That strange. He's always so temperamental on sunny days, especially this close to spring. It's really noticeable, so I thought you would've caught on. Hmm...."
Taehyung tries not to gape at the chef as they take the elevator up, but he's now morbidly curious. "Why would be be upset on nice days? Does he want to go out more but feels like he can't?"
"That's what I used to think too, but Jimin told me the real reason once." Seokjin glances over at the nurse with narrowed eyes. "I'm not sure if I should tell you."
Opening his mouth to reply, Taehyung quickly finds himself interrupted when Seokjin breaks out in a laugh so high-pitched that it could rival a windshield wiper.
"I'm just teasing you, though Yoongi probably would deny any of this. But, Jimin once told me that Yoongi gets depressed on nice weather days because his mother used to come visit him and take him to the park on days like this."
"Really? Before or after the accident?"
Seokjin's face falls and he casts his glance towards the ground. "Before. For Yoongi, everything was always before."
When the elevator dings and Seokjin lets himself into the penthouse, Taehyung thinks that he's never heard a more relatable statement.
"Before.... Everything was always before."
He feels this way too, as if his life has been halted abruptly and he's just been floating in limbo, waiting for it to begin again. Every good and happy memory he has is of "Before". Every feeling of momentum, of moving forward with his life, of control, it was all Before.
Hence why he feels so bad about forgetting Yoonji's birthday. It only serves as a reminder that he still feels incredible guilt about moving on, even if he's finally finding some sense of happiness in the present.
Could he really move on as Yoongi had suggested? Even if it's not with Yoongi himself, could Taehyung find someone else to love and would he ever truly accept that Yoonji's passing was meant to be?
Now, his patient is no longer seated at the window, but he can smell the lingering traces of nicotine, the air still smoky. He finds Yoongi upstairs in the bedroom waiting for him.
"Where were you?" the elder questions, cocking his head.
"Oh, I was taking extra time walking Yeontan. I saw you on the phone and I wanted to give you some space, so...."
Yoongi nods. "Oh, that makes sense then. I just—"
"Why?" Taehyung interrupts. "I mean, why do you ask?"
"I was just curious." Yoongi shifts in his chair, looking around the room as if it was unfamiliar. This conversation is mundane, but it's also extremely awkward, and Taehyung hates that things have regressed to this once more.
"You were curious?"
"Seokjin just seemed so happy when he came up, I didn't know if you two had gone out together or not."
The nurse furrows his brows as Yeontan ventures to go sniff Yoongi's chair. "Uh no, we just walked up together," he clarifies. "But, just asking, is it ok if we did go out to do something? You know, when you're not needing me?"
"Do you have plans or something?" Yoongi is unusually tense, not even bothering to pick Yeontan up and cuddle him. He usually loves cuddling the dog, even if he'll never admit it.
Confused, Taehyung stands his ground. He's not sure what Yoongi seems so agitated about, but it's making their truce harder to maintain. "No, it's more of a hypothetical question."
"Hypothetical? Well, you can do whatever you want to do, I guess." Yoongi shrugs then wheels himself into the bathroom to get ready for his shower and the nurse follows numbly.
"Whatever I want to do," Taehyung repeats, standing in the doorway.
Yoongi doesn't even spare him a look when he replies. "Yeah, whatever you want to do, Taehyung."
The nurse frowns.
"Ok."
—————
It's late and Yoongi can't sleep, his mind restless with the events of the last few days. He closes his eyes and lets himself remember, just this once, the way Taehyung had made him feel, has made him feel ever since his planned date went to shit just days earlier.
The stroll through the park was nice, full of shy laughter and genuine smiles. Oddly, he had felt comfortable with the nurse in a way that he hasn't in quite sometime, which of course, had lead to the pleasure unleashed across his skin later that night.
He didn't tell Taehyung at the time, but he had felt him, deep within his groin. For the first time in four years, Yoongi could feel his erection, however faint, growing in his pants as the nurse massaged him and then delighted his skin with his mouth. It was possibly the most erotic thing that had ever happened to him, even considering his debauched past.
Naturally, such happiness had to come to an end. Yoongi isn't sure what had set him off more, the thought that he was merely a curious experiment for the nurse, or the realization that if they were to be intimate, that Yoongi couldn't provide Taehyung with what he needed. After all, all he was capable of doing was lying there and taking it.
He was fine with the concept before, when he intended on going on a date with a stranger, but the thought of being seen as less than desirable by the nurse was..... well, for lack of a better word, crippling. The fear and shame had washed over him instantly and he did what he always did to protect himself— push others away.
But Taehyung was persistent and they found themselves on a precipice of falling off that great cliff, the one no one ever survived. It was harrowing and Yoongi knew it was an act of fate when Jimin called to interrupt the near kiss.
His mother had been right. Mistakes were made after midnight, and mistakes always yielded pain.
That's what he supposes he's feeling now, the pain of the loss of something he never really had in the first place. He just needs time, he tells himself. To get over this infatuation, especially now that Jimin will come back sooner than expected. No use pursuing something that is the result of loneliness and desperation on both of their parts.
A steady thrum catches Yoongi's attention and he leans over to pick up his phone vibrating on the nightstand.
"Hey," he breathes into the receiver, relieved to be hearing from Jimin again.
"Hyung, I'm.... lonely."
Yoongi sucks in a breath at the words. Could this mean what he thinks it does? Were these not the words Yoongi himself uses when he wants a particular type of attention from his best friend? But why would Jimin be asking this of him?
"Oh.... is everything ok?"
He mentally curses at himself for the stupid question. Of course it's not ok. Jimin is mourning the loss of his mother.
"I didn't get to tell you earlier, but she.... told me something before she passed. I was alone in the room with her and she just told me."
Curious, Yoongi decides to tread carefully. "What was it? You don't have to tell me if you—"
"She had an affair when I was two," Jimin blurts out. "Remember when I told you that she left for a year to study in America when I was little? Turns out she had found out that she was pregnant and decided to leave. My father doesn't know."
All the air escapes Yoongi's lungs in a whoosh of air. He's shocked. "What? So she has another child? Your.... half-sibling?"
Jimin sighs. "That's what she made it sound like but she wouldn't tell me much more than that. She just started crying and the heart monitors went crazy. I think maybe she lost the baby and it was too painful to talk about or something."
"Shit, Jimin, I'm sorry."
"It's just amazing to me, you know? How people can just have these secrets their whole lives. I'm just.... upset," Jimin admits. "It sounds so selfish, but she ruined the way I thought of her right before I lost her and now I'm just left with this information and I don't know what to do."
Yoongi rubs his temples. "Are you going to tell your dad?"
"No. He doesn't deserve to feel like this. Right now, he's focusing on the good memories to get him through and I don't want to ruin that, you know?"
"I understand," Yoongi relays, sighing. "Jimin, I'm really sorry this all happened. I wish I was there with you."
It's an innocent statement, it really is, but as soon as Jimin opens his mouth to reply, the words become heavy and ripe with intention.
"I wish you were here too."
Yoongi swallows hard at the honeyed tone filtering through the phone. Surely Jimin doesn't intend on sounding so enticing— He's just lonely and sad...
"Hyung, what do you think about when we talk?" his best friend asks quietly.
"When we talk?"
"Yes, when we talk like this." Jimin's voice drops low, becoming breathy and needy, and Yoongi understands why his friend chose the profession he did. Just his voice alone is erotic and sinful. To hear such a thing talking you through the stages of pleasure is a religious experience within itself.
Squirming uncomfortably in his bed, Yoongi considers whether or not he should be truthful. "I— I guess I think about when we were in high school, when I used to want you all the time but I couldn't have you."
Jimin laughs, the sound sweet and tinkling. "Mmm, yeah, I remember those days. You weren't exactly subtle, always suggesting we wrestle when we got into arguments, always asking about my sexual experiences. My, how things have changed."
"Then we grew up and then it was you who had to listen to my stories," Yoongi teases.
"Yeah...." Jimin trails off then, leaving behind the steady staccato of his breathing. "Do you still think of me that way, hyung?"
Yoongi knows he shouldn't answer honestly; they had long since buried this topic underneath layers of faux sentiments and assurances of "it was just a crush, of course I don't still love you," but right now, sitting in the dark with his legs limp beneath the sheets, Yoongi finds himself emboldened.
"Yes," he admits, squeezing his eyes shut against the embarrassment, as if the simple action could help him.
Jimin doesn't reply immediately. He simply breathes into the phone, then, "Oh.... I mean, I thought so, but I hoped not—"
"It's really not a big deal," Yoongi interjects, letting out a breath.
"Isn't it though?" Jimin argues. "And here I am, letting you call me late at night and talking to you like this— I'm the worst kind of tease, aren't I?"
"But you're not teasing me, Jimin. I know you don't want me like that. And even if you did, I just— I always wondered why I chose you to fixate on. I always thought it was because you were my best friend and you're everything I ever wanted, but maybe it's because you're safe. When everything was complete shit at home, I could always come to you. You always made me feel better and I think that's why I got so attached."
Jimin hums in agreement. "I hated seeing you like that, hyung. But you never let me call the police and report it. Why?"
"Why do I do any of the shit I do?" Yoongi retorts darkly. "Because it's easier for me like this. The pain reminds me I'm not a weak fucking pussy like my father thinks I am."
"Being a punching bag for everyone else doesn't make you a man, hyung." Jimin's voice is no longer soft, now just sharp and firm. "It doesn't make you stronger, no matter how much you tell yourself that."
"Yeah? What does it make me then?"
"Human," Jimin explains. "And I think that's what you're most afraid of, like my mother was. She hid her secret away for so long because that pain was easier to endure than stepping out into the light and being exposed. Because if you hold it inside, it's your choice, but if you let it out and the world rejects you, you no longer have control."
Yoongi grimaces at the truth in those words. He's had enough of this. "Jimin, just drop it —"
"No, hyung, don't do that shit were you throw a tantrum and try to make me feel like shit for saying the truth. I've watched you sit out on life for far too long, hating yourself for the way you think. I can't stand to let you keep doing this to yourself."
"I'm not doing anything—"
Jimin's laugh is biting and dark. "Oh? So harboring feelings for me but not being honest with me when we start getting intimate is a healthy thing to do? You should've spoken up, should've told me to stop because it means something different to you than it does me and I'm hurting you—"
"I don't care if you're hurting me!" Yoongi fires back, gripping his phone tightly. "It doesn't matter if you don't want me back!"
"Hyung, that's your problem! You don't care what happens to you, if your body gets broken, if your heart gets shattered. I don't think you've ever really cared if things are difficult and that really worries me."
Yoongi is tempted to end this call. He's already had Taehyung poke at this sensitive subject and he shouldn't have to sit here and listen to it all again. "It doesn't matter. None of this fucking matters. You just feel like you owe me something because we're friends. That's all. You don't really care what I do."
"How can you say that?" Jimin gasps, furious. "Do you not realize that you're like a brother to me, more so than my own brother? Hyung, if I could've take those beatings for you, I would've. If I could've been the one in that car that night—"
"Don't do this," Yoongi begs. "Please."
And much to his surprise, Jimin doesn't press any further. They've only talked about the accident a handful of times and each time, Yoongi never fully admitted to why he was in the car that night. All his friend knows is that the accident was caused by driving while under the influence, but he didn't know why Yoongi ended up high and behind the wheel. He doesn't know all the little things that had slowly suffocated his will to live.
He doesn't know.
"I talked to Taehyung," Jimin admits after a few minutes. "He told me about your date."
Now Yoongi is really pissed. How dare the nurse bring Jimin into this. "What the fuck is this? Two parents trying to talk some sense into their reckless teenage son?"
"All he said was that your date wasn't who you thought he was and that he ended up taking you out instead. Said you went to the park and had fun. He told me he thought you were beautiful."
"H-He's just being nice."
Beautiful. Taehyung had called him that, but now he was telling other people....
"He's in love with you."
Letting out a frustrated growl, Yoongi moves to end the call but his friend stops him.
"No, hyung! Listen to me. The way he talks about you, the way he described the date with you— you used to talk about me like that, like I could do no wrong. I don't think he really understands it yet, but remember when you told me about the moment you fell in love with me? How it was just something simmering beneath the surface slowly until it was overwhelming?"
Yoongi grits his teeth. He doesn't need to hear this. It doesn't matter anyway. "Yeah..."
"Right now, Taehyung is simmering and I think you are too."
"Me? Jimin, it's been two weeks since I've met the guy!"
Jimin sighs. "You may not be reciting poetry and skipping around the apartment out of joy, but you're quieter than normal, more contemplative. When I called about my mom, your words were softer. I'm not there, so I can't say for sure, but I bet you're different. I bet you catch yourself thinking about things a little too much, wishing for things to be different because you think that if they were, then maybe, just maybe, you would have the courage to pursue him."
This is what Yoongi has been thinking, down to the last detail. The truth is, had Yoongi never been in the accident, he would've approached Taehyung long ago, would have thought he was worthy. But now, he gets flustered at the simplest of things, turns angry at the smallest show of kindness. He isn't this person.
There was a time when he was so patient, when he held Jimin's hand through his first heartache, cuddled the younger when he was rejected by the dance school he idolized so much. There was a time when Yoongi held his tongue, weighed his words, and felt more compassion than any human ever could despite the near daily abuse hiding in the depths of his home.
What had happened to that little boy? What had lead him to a life of drugs and alcohol, ass up in the air for anyone to take? Then what happened to that man to make him into this bitter, jaded cripple who despised himself more than his situation, who used his disability as an excuse to flounder in life?
Because truthfully, Taehyung was right— Yoongi doesn't give a fuck that he's physically stunted, he cares more that's he's emotionally unavailable and there's nothing he can do about it.
"Hyung, you have a choice between living life or just merely watching it pass you by. Don't be like my mother. Don't hide yourself and suffer until the very end. Believe me, I'll never forget the regret in her eyes."
It's silent then, but Yoongi breathes louder just to let Jimin know that he's still on the line. His thoughts are racing; he feels so exposed, so raw. But as always, his friend had seen right through him, had delivered the truth, harsh but necessary.
"What do I do now?" Yoongi finally asks.
"If you want, let him in a little and then see how you feel. But don't give up on yourself, hyung. You deserve that much."
"Jimin," Yoongi breathes out, trying hard not cry. "I love you. And not just in the way I used to. I—"
"I know, hyung." Jimin sounds like he's smiling. "You don't have to explain it."
Yoongi laughs, wiping at his eyes. He's so grateful for his bitchy, amazing best friend.
"Now, go get that dick, hyung!" Jimin exclaims.
With a groan, Yoongi burrows himself further in the bed. "You just had to ruin it."
———————
Jungkook is staring at him from across the room.
It's making Taehyung uncomfortable, the way the physical therapist just watches with those wide doe eyes, happily wrapping up a pile of resistance bands that he had Yoongi using earlier in their session. The man is dressed in dark grey joggers and a muscle shirt that Taehyung swears reveals every indent in his sculpted torso. He wonders briefly if Yoongi has noticed just how built his therapist is and if he likes that sort of thing.
"Tae-hyung," Jungkook begins sweetly, putting away the bands in a bin by the wall. "Why do you keep looking at Yoongi-hyung like that?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, like you're waiting for something to happen."
Taehyung shrugs, completely confused. "I really don't understand what you—"
"This is you," Jungkook interrupts, making a blank face with comically-wide eyes at the wall. He then turns and affects a whole new persona, batting his eyelashes coyly and fluffing his hair. "And this is Yoongi-hyung," he explains. "What is going on?"
Laughing off the question, the nurse inclines his head towards the hallway where Yoongi is taking a phone call from Namjoon about work. "Uh, how long has he been on the phone? It's almost time for his shower."
"Can't wait to get him naked, Tae-hyung?" Jungkook questions, smirking something devilish. It's so unlike the usually demure young man that Taehyung has gotten to know.
"W-What?"
Jungkook cackles at the nurse's obvious embarrassment. "Relax, I'm just teasing you. But to answer your question, he's been out there for almost half an hour and it could take longer. Happens sometimes with work, you know?"
"Oh, ok, I'll just probably come back for him later then." Taehyung moves to exit the room, already thinking of taking Yeontan out for some extra garden time, but before he even gets close to the door, the therapist calls him out.
"You're really not going to answer my question, huh? The one where I asked why you both have been acting so strangely."
"We're not acting strangely," the nurse refutes, "it's just that, you know, we've finally stopped arguing all the time. It's.... nice."
Jungkook narrows his eyes in obvious suspicion. "Uh huh. Well, no offense to Hyung, but no one ever describes their relationship with him as 'nice'. Difficult, strained, requiring a lot of effort— those are the ways people describe him, not this breathy 'nice' like you just said."
"Breathy?" Taehyung cocks a brow and tries to stifle a chuckle.
Just what on earth had gotten into Jungkook? When had he gotten so nosy?
Or a better question would be— when had Taehyung and Yoongi become that obvious? Apparently, their tension has caught the attention of the others.
"Yeah, like, this dreamy, far away, drama 'nice' that the female lead always does when her best friend asks about her date with the most popular chaebol in school," the therapist explains.
Feigning offense, Taehyung slaps his chest and gasps. "I did not say it that way."
"You did, and you know what I think?" Jungkook coos, stalking forward with a maniacal bunny grin on his face. "You like him."
"He's my patient, of course I like him," Taehyung argues, willing his skin not to flush crimson at the remark. It's not like anything will come of his crush— it seems Yoongi is intent on keeping things professional and that's how it should be.
So what if they had shared some moments of intimacy? Yoongi clearly wasn't ready to go any further and Taehyung is too tripped up with his past to go anywhere.
"No, no," the therapist insists. "You like him."
"Jungkook-ah, he's my patient, my employer—"
Jungkook grins and Taehyung wonders what the younger is like off the clock, if he's the type to prowl nightclubs to woo girls. "That only makes it hotter," he states and the nurse blanches.
"Oh my god, we're not talking about this!" Taehyung exclaims, glancing over towards the door in case Yoongi decided to come back in. "This is not happening. There is nothing going on between Yoongi-hyung and I."
"Oh my god!" Jungkook repeats the high-pitched phrase just as the nurse had inflected it. "You're calling him 'hyung'? Did he ask you to?"
"Yes, but—"
"He told me that he would never let you call him hyung. Oh my god, he likes you too! That's why he keeps on messing with his hair and fidgeting! And why he asked me that weird question today...."
This catches Taehyung's interest. "What weird question?"
"Why does it matter if you don't like him?" Jungkook teases, one perfect eyebrow cocked.
"I want to know because I'm his caretaker."
"And because you like him."
"I don't like him!"
"Ok, because you love him."
"I don't love him," Taehyung states, noticeably quieter than his previous denial. It's not his fault, the words just get stuck in his throat, and he coughs a few times to clear it. "I-I don't love him. I barely know him. I just... respect him, that's all."
Jungkook doesn't seem convinced, pursing his lips before sighing. "Right. Respect. I get that."
"So you can tell me what he asked," the nurse prods, wringing his hands. "So I can help him if he needs it."
"Ok..... so... Yoongi-hyung asked me about sex."
Taehyung nearly chokes on his own spit. "S-Sex?"
Why would Yoongi be asking about sex? Why would he ask Jungkook? Did the man intend on dating again? Taehyung thinks he's going to be sick, but his natural curiosity is keeping his stomach down.
"Yeah. Look, I don't know how much you know about spinal injuries, but Hyung shouldn't be putting too much pressure and weight on the base of his spine," the therapist explains. "For some reason, he seems concerned about sex causing him more damage or pain."
"Oh, well, that's— I mean, probably because he intends on dating and that happens when dating so—"
"I heard that his date didn't go well, so why would he consider trying with a stranger again?" Jungkook questions, and Taehyung does not like the glint in his eyes one bit. He knows exactly where this is going. "I think he has someone specific in mind."
Taehyung opens his mouth to protest vehemently. He can already feel his face heating up in embarrassment, but Jungkook is quick to cut him off.
"So I guess the real question is if you're cool with forgetting about missionary position and instead helping Yoongi-hyung ride you like a cowboy." The therapist looks so proud when he says this, like a child learning a new word and yelling it over and over again, and Taehyung instantly knows that the younger isn't the type to prowl nightclubs and flirt with women— he's just a cheeky little shit.
"Jungkook-ah!" the nurse snaps, though he's amused. "Who knew you were so vulgar? I'm disturbed!"
"I'm just trying to help you out," Jungkook teases, batting his eyes innocently. Then, in heavily accented English, he drawls, "Yeehaw!"
Flustered and thoroughly done with conversation, Taehyung makes his way into the hallway only to practically trip over Yoongi trying to go back into the therapy room.
"Oh, you're done with your phone call," he observes, "So, uh, are you ready to shower?"
"Actually, I didn't really break a sweat before Joon called, so it can wait." Yoongi pauses to look him over. "Are you ok? You're all red in the face..."
"I'm fine!" Taehyung chirps.
The door to the therapy room opens and Jungkook pokes his head out and grins. "Yeehaw."
Yoongi furrows his brows and looks over to the nurse. "What the fuck is he saying?"
"I have no idea— Oh, look! Hobi-hyung is here! I'm going to go help him!"
Hobi isn't there yet but Yoongi doesn't need to know that.
Taehyung just needs to get away from thoughts of Yoongi and riding horses.
———————
It was an impulsive decision, something he rarely ever does, but as usual, Yoongi can't sleep well, rolling over thoughts of Taehyung in his mind. So he grabs his phone and does some cleaning out of his photos, deletes the apps he doesn't use, and checks his emails, even the account for his father's company, and that's when he sees it.
An email sent three days ago.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Surgery Confirmation
Forward Message: [email protected]
Mr. Min,
Thank you for choosing Jaark Healing Center for your medical care needs. Your surgery has been scheduled with one of our board-certified surgeons. Please see the attached information regarding your specific surgery as well as pre-op instructions. Liability and medical release paperwork will be given to you prior to your arrival. We understand that you are an international client so a translator will be provided for you. This email has been translated for your benefit. If you have any questions, please call the reference number for international patients and select your language option....
Scrolling down, he notices the date.
Two weeks.
Yoongi can't read anymore. He locks his phone and stares at the wall, streaked with light filtering in through the blinds. He's in shock; his mouth is gaping.
His father scheduled the surgery without his consent. Was that even possible? Why would he do such a thing?
He knows the answer to these rather simplistic questions— His father didn't give a fuck about Yoongi's feelings or his body. He wanted a Min heir and since Jun Ki wasn't an option, the old man had to settle for his disabled baby brother. But of course, he wouldn't settle. He took matters into his own hands and by forwarding this email instead of calling, had sent a very clear message.
Yoongi would get the surgery or... nothing.
Nothing.
Growing up, Yoongi had seen his father at his worst, seen the way he phased out those lesser than him in the company. It was always a turbulent affair, complete with screaming and blacklisting, but perhaps the most unsettling instances were when the man did... nothing.
The doomed employee would show up and he would simply no longer have a job. Not only that, but the poor bastard would be erased from the company's records, books, benefactor lists— everything. It was as if he never existed. No explanation, no buffer.
Just.... nothing.
Maybe the man would run into some of his old coworkers at an event, and those former colleagues would smile with their yellowing teeth and round faces and ask "have we met before?"
President Min only erased those he found especially disappointing, those people who he had high regard for and therefore their failure was so aggravating that the man didn't want a single reminder of them.
Yoongi was already halfway there thanks to the accident and failing to heed his father's ultimatum would be met with a cold and swift erasure that would leave Yoongi without a family, a home built to suit his condition, and the necessary funding for his medical needs.
Fuck the relationship with his father; that had been erased by Yoongi himself years ago. He needed the security that came with putting up with the man.
So why did this hurt? Why does Yoongi feel stupid hot tears burning the corners of his eyes at the realization that his father cares so little for him and his mother had made no move to stop him? His brother hadn't even called. He has been left to himself, forced to piece back his life much like the surgeon intended to do with his anatomy.
Yoongi calls Jimin despite the late hour, but his friend doesn't pick up. He doesn't blame the younger. He's busy making the accommodations for his mother and is no doubt stressed out and in need of rest.
But he needs someone to talk to right now.
His cheeks are burning with tears; he can feel them collecting on his chin only to fall to the bed below. He's restless and quickly filling with rage— and no matter how much he wants to scream, he knows nothing would come of it. He would empty his lungs, reliving that harrowing day that they told him he had lost his ability to walk, and just like that day, it wouldn't change a damn thing.
Yoongi doesn't quite understand his next actions, all he knows is that they are driven by a desire to quell the despair bubbling up inside of him.
He calls the nurse, whose room is only a few doors down. Taehyung picks up instantly.
"Hyung? Are you ok?" There's music playing in the background, something soft and instrumental and Yoongi listens intently to the melody for a few minutes before finding the will to speak.
"Come get me."
Taehyung's shadow looms large in the doorway minutes later and then he's by Yoongi's side, taking note of his patient's tear-stained face. "Hyung, what happened?"
"I-I just don't want to be here anymore."
It's a statement that could be taken several different ways, and even Yoongi doesn't even understand what he truly means, but the nurse takes it literally and he promptly picks Yoongi up and puts him in his chair. He leads them both down the hall to his room, which is lit by the soft warmth of a lamp, that same music drifting from a small speaker on his desk. Yeontan is curled up on the bed and he lifts his sleepy head to watch them enter.
Yoongi doesn't realize he's still crying until Taehyung wipes his face gently with a tissue. "Can I put you in my bed? We can just lie there and listen to music. Tannie can give you cuddles."
Despite his grief, Yoongi snorts at the word "cuddles". The nurse always sounds like such a child when talking about his pet, but it's endearing. He would never admit as much to the other man, but it actually makes him feel better. He nods his consent.
Taehyung's arms are strong and warm around him when he's lifted out of the chair and soon he's settled on his side with Taehyung lying beside him, watching his face. He can tell that the nurse wants to press him for answers but is holding back. Perhaps it's for the best; Yoongi doesn't want to talk about it, not now.
So he just lets Taehyung watch him and Yeontan snuggle into his back. He gets lost in his tears, letting himself cry it out, no matter how ridiculous he must look. The nurse doesn't seem bothered by it, his dark eyes filled with concern as his gaze traverses his patient's face.
It seems like they lay there for hours, with Yoongi crying while the music fills the space. The songs change constantly, each one a unique surprise. One in particular elicits a laugh from Taehyung and he explains that the artist is a retro band from America and that his mother loved "The Beach Boys". Just listening to that deep timbre recalling his childhood has Yoongi's tears drying up and soon he's just staring at the nurse, his eyes heavy with sleep, but he refuses to look away.
Because Taehyung brings a hand up to stroke Yoongi's face, wiping away the remnants of saltwater. Because the song changes, and this time, Yoongi recognizes the foreign words.
Mrs. Park had a fondness for American music as well, and she would often sing in the house while he and Jimin were either goofing off or actually doing their homework for once. Yoongi always found her voice so lovely— especially singing this song— that he learned the words so he could better understand what she was saying while she swayed to the beat, sometimes pulling Jimin into her chest as she did so.
"Wise men say, only fools rush in...."
Taehyung's thumb brushes over his patient's chapped lips, and Yoongi sighs into the touch, exhausted and in need of comfort.
"But I can't help falling in love with you."
Though his hand is shaking, Yoongi dares to run his fingertips across the nurse's balm-covered lips. Cherry red— they're always cherry red and so soft looking.
And then it happens with no preamble or hesitation.
Taehyung gently grabs Yoongi's hand and cradles it while he leans in and kisses his patient. Yoongi's eyes flutter closed, reveling in the soft press of lips, the breathy sigh against his mouth.
"Like a river flows, surely to the sea..."
His fingers interlock with Taehyung's, squeezing and pulling the nurse towards him. He can feel his face being cupped, his head tilted until his mouth opens of its own accord and soon they're tasting each other, breathing as one as their lips continue to move slowly— oh so slowly— cherry balm and all.
"Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be."
Yoongi feels himself slipping away beneath Taehyung's mouth, his touch, his scent. He wants so badly to remain in this moment forever. To lay here swaddled in warmth, in the orange glow of affection, while the nurse teases his lips, kisses the corner of his mouth and then lets him back inside once more with a stuttered moan.
And all those days of partying, of looking down at the porcelain lid of a toilet at three white powdery lines, of waking up in bed with attractive strangers, of getting whatever he wanted when he wanted it— It all pales in comparison to this singular moment of this man's lips on his.
There's nothing more to say, so he doesn't venture to ruin the moment with words.
They stay like that for some time, tangled in each other, music lingering in the air. Their kisses grow less deep and more languid, each one flowing into the next as easily as breathing in air. Yoongi's lips are swollen and slick with Taehyung's lip balm, but it tastes good mingled with the nurse's natural taste.
Yoongi giggles; he's giddy. It's like being in high school again, stealing kisses while walking home from school. Holding hands under the table in the cafeteria. Catching each other's eye in the hallway. He sighs against the nurse.
Behind Taehyung, his phone lights up with a notification and Yoongi briefly sees the picture that the nurse has chosen as his background.
How strange—
Taehyung has a picture of him on his phone.
At least, it looks like him, but from a distance it's hard to tell, but Yoongi knows his features are unique. The heavily hooded eyes, the button nose, small lips. But he can't recall ever posing for such a close-up picture.
When Taehyung's lips meet his neck, Yoongi lets it go and just savors the moment without questions, without reservation.
Nothing is perfect and his world feels like it's crumbling around him, but trapped in this moment, he believes he's exactly where he's supposed to
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