11-First Love
2009, 27. July
Jiyoo invited Yoongi over.
Well, basically, Yoongi was the one who invited himself over.
Yoongi was still a bit scared of Hoseok and therefore he didn't want Jiyoo to see him this panicked again.
One time was enough really.
So when Jiyoo asked him to meet up, Yoongi tried to stall him by telling him he was busy with Namjoon as long as he was still upset.
Well, basically, he was, Namjoon and he hung out in the city all week, but then Namjoon left for vacation and Yoongi didn't feel good lying to Jiyoo.
He finally gave in and asked Jiyoo to meet up. He texted him, asking if they could maybe use the pool.
Of course, Jiyoo was more than happy to do so.
So in the afternoon, Yoongi found himself standing in Jiyoo's kitchen.
Jiyoo had poured him some lemonade and opened the fridge to get some melon out.
They were alone. Apparently, both of Jiyoo's parents needed to stay at work late, so they had the house all for themselves.
"I was wondering when you'd want to come over.", Jiyoo said while he pulled out the pre-sliced melon.
"I thought I did something wrong."
Yoongi felt guilty.
He didn't want Jiyoo to feel as if he did something wrong. Especially not after what he did for him at school.
Sometimes he noticed that Jiyoo's confident Alpha behaviour faltered when he was around him.
Yoongi didn't know if he should think it was cute or odd.
"You did nothing wrong.", Yoongi reassured him.
"I just wanted to spend more time with Namjoon before he went on vacation."
Just when Yoongi saw Jiyoo's thin smile, he realized how much that sounded as if he was the second choice only.
Only a way to spend time when no one else had time for Yoongi.
Which was ridiculous because he couldn't imagine hanging out with anyone except Namjoon and Jiyoo.
And not only because there was nobody else.
"I was just still shaken up by Hoseok's appearance.", Yoongi admitted, trying change the topic.
Jiyoo turned around and eyed Yoongi worriedly.
He placed the bowl on the kitchen countertop and closed the fridge.
"I guess you already figured he'd be a future student.", Jiyoo sighed, leaning on the counter, and then looked at Yoongi on the other side of it.
Yoongi nodded. He was running his finger along the rim of the glass, biting his bottom lip.
He wondered if Hoseok would lose interest in him, and leave him alone.
There was no way they wouldn't cross paths at one point.
Maybe competing with other Alpha's was more interesting than bullying Betas to him.
In the end, they did grow up a little.
Hoseok must have realized already that it was stupid what he did back then.
And even though Yoongi was worried, his Beta wanted to fight with Hoseok.
He didn't take shit from anyone. So why bother to be scared of Hoseok?
Alphas would make fun of him all the time, Hoseok wouldn't be an exception.
"I won't let him touch you.", Jiyoo suddenly said and Yoongi's eyes fluttered up to his determined face.
Jiyoo's eyebrows were furrowed.
He looked almost angry when he looked at Yoongi.
Yoongi couldn't help but laugh at how worked up Jiyoo was.
He was bad at handling situations in which people obviously showed Yoongi that he was important to them.
But something about Jiyoo's dark voice and strong eyes made Yoongi especially nervous.
"Hoseok never really touched me anyways.", Yoongi mumbled.
He knew how Jiyoo meant it.
That he'd protect Yoongi from any harm.
But even though Jiyoo was a strong Alpha, Yoongi wasn't sure if he could do it.
If the next months would develop anything like kindergarten or elementary school, Yoongi was sure that the whole 10th grade would hold some kind of grudge against him soon.
No matter if Yoongi was older or in a higher grade.
No matter what Alpha was by his side.
Apparently Hoseok was still good at setting others up against people he didn't like.
"Hoseok is a weak Alpha. He won't survive a week if he's planning to act up or anything.", Jiyoo said and pushed the bowl towards Yoongi.
Yoongi set his empty glass down and reached out to take one of the slices.
When he bit into it, a surprised whine escaped his throat because the juice from the fruit ran down his chin.
He held one hand underneath his chin, but he barely caught the drops.
Jiyoo only laughed and got some paper towels which he handed to Yoongi so he could wipe himself down.
"Sorry, I eat like a child.", Yoongi mumbled once he was able to swallow the melon and leaned down to wipe up the mess from the floor.
"Don't worry. It's cute."
Yoongi stayed crouched down a bit longer than he needed to.
You are cute.
You smell nice.
I like your hair.
Your eyelashes are so long.
Yoongi didn't know how to handle these compliments.
Most of the time he tried to smile, but he felt rather awkward about them.
It was an Alpha thing for sure.
Usually, only Omegas got praised like this and maybe Jiyoo just didn't make a difference.
Maybe he was nice to everyone and wanted to compliment them.
Still, it was hard for Yoongi to accept it.
His heart always picked up a faster rhythm, and he also needed to calm his mind so he wouldn't splutter some nonsense.
Namjoon was right.
Yoongi was falling too easily for Jiyoo's Alpha charm.
He felt like an attention-hungry child.
Once Yoongi strengthened up again, he threw the paper towels into the trash. Jiwoo already placed two beers on the counter and water.
Yoongi stared down at the beer.
He was 16 already, was allowed to drink beer, but something about drinking alcohol while his parents weren't around was foreign to him and therefore uncomfortable.
"Don't you want to drink?", Jiyoo asked, noticing Yoongi's skeptical gaze.
He didn't seem to judge Yoongi but he sounded astonished.
"Uh. I didn't drink anything yet. I mean without my parents around.", Yoongi admitted.
For a moment he was scared Jiyoo might laugh at him but only a soft chuckle left the Alpha's throat.
He lifted the beer up and showed Yoongi the low percentage.
"You don't need to drink it if you don't want to. But it's really nothing strong. I promise."
Yoongi bit his bottom lip before he looked up at Jiyoo and then back to the beer in his hands.
In the end, Yoongi shrugged his shoulders and agreed to try.
Maybe it wasn't as bad.
Sometimes Yoongi worried too much.
He trusted Jiyoo because he was older than Yoongi and seemed responsible.
Besides, if he was ready to protect Yoongi from other Alpha's, he wouldn't do anything to harm him.
Yoongi's Beta purred at the thought.
"Do you want to change?", Jiyoo asked, pointing over to Yoongi's bag on the counter.
Yoongi almost forgot he was here for the pool.
They could have spent the whole time in the kitchen and Yoongi wouldn't have minded it.
When Yoongi grabbed his bag, Jiyoo held both bottles of beer in one hand and picked up the bowl with his other. The bottle of water was under his arm.
Yoongi was always amazed by how big Jiyoo's hands were.
He himself would say that he had big hands, but they were still small compared to Alpha hands.
"You can also wear a shirt if you want to.", Jiyoo mentioned when Yoongi was almost in the guest bathroom.
Yoongi nodded.
It was nice that Jiyoo remembered that he didn't feel comfortable just in his swimming shorts.
He wasn't insecure in his body, but compared to other Beta's, Yoongi was a bit smaller and a lot thinner.
He didn't have chest muscles like Alphas or cute hips like Omegas.
So he preferred to hide himself.
Lucky that he did because when he saw Jiyoo, he became a lot more insecure.
Jiyoo's body was tanned. He spent most of his time outside apparently. Especially without a shirt because there was no spot left on his skin that wasn't deliciously brown.
And he was ripped.
Yoongi never realized how fit Jiyoo was. Maybe because his body was hidden in the big school uniform most of the time.
He always wore one size too big.
Of course, Yoongi noticed his strong arms, but seeing the Alpha's whole body, with his strong chest, toned abs, and muscular legs, made Yoongi believe this was the first time he saw Jiyoo.
His whole appearance was a bit intimidating.
Yoongi felt himself shrink into his shirt a bit more.
This feeling was confusing, because it wasn't bad, it wasn't scary or overwhelming, but impressive and that was what made Yoongi feel so small besides Jiyoo.
Besides his dad, Yoongi only saw Alphas when they were in the changing room before sports but usually Yoongi wasn't interested in them at all.
ut it was hard to look away from Jiyoo.
Luckily, he was busy connecting his phone with the Bluetooth speaker, so he didn't notice him staring. When the sound resonated which indicated the connection, Yoongi blinked out of his state and looked up to Jiyoo's face.
He looked satisfied and grinned at Yoongi.
"Only took me an eternity to connect them.", Jiyoo said and Yoongi chuckled.
Most of the things Jiyoo said were some kind of charming. Some were so simple, Yoongi wondered why he thought they were funny.
Yoongi bit his bottom lip so he won't laugh any longer and forced himself to look over to the pool.
"Is it really okay if I swim with my shirt on?", Yoongi asked carefully, pulling the fabric a bit from his chest as if this would help him to hide his body.
"Of course. It's just the two of us. I don't mind.", Jiyoo said right away and turned around to grab the beer bottles which were open now.
Some song was playing Yoongi didn't know. He should ask Jiyoo about the music he listened to, because Yoongi liked most of the tracks he heard so far.
But for now both of them walked towards the pool.
The sun was still burning relentlessly and Yoongi couldn't wait to jump in the pool.
Jiyoo placed the beer and the speaker by the pool so they could reach it from inside.
Yoongi looked into the pool water.
For a moment it felt as if he never stepped into a pool before.
Which was silly because he did that several times before but it was new to him when he was together with someone like Jiyoo.
Jiyoo apparently wasn't worrying at all, because he dove into the pool headfirst.
Probably because Jiyoo knew how deep their pool was so he wouldn't get hurt.
Yoongi couldn't imagine jumping in like that.
Instead he watched Jiyoo's body gliding along the floor of the pool before he emerged from the water again.
He pushed back the hair that escaped out of his bun and grinned up at Yoongi.
Yoongi pulled one side of his mouth up into a tiny smile.
He knew it wasn't cool at all, but he started to sit down on the edge of the pool and slid his feet in first.
The water was cool and Yoongi took a deep breath in before he slid his butt over the edge and into the water.
His shirt blew up for a moment before it soaked up the water and sunk into the water.
Yoongi sighed relieved when the water cooled down his heated body.
"If I were you, I wouldn't leave the pool the whole summer."
Jiyoo laughed loudly at Yoongi's comment.
He swam past Yoongi, starting to swim laps.
Yoongi stepped around at first but then tried to keep up with Jiyoo.
Sadly, compared to the Alpha, Yoongi seemed literally helpless in the water.
He couldn't drag his arms through the water like Jiyoo or paddle with his legs for a very long time. He was much slower.
At one point, Jiyoo swam to the edge of the pool and grabbed both bottles of beer.
Yoongi followed him and laid one arm on the edge before he took the beer.
They touched bottles and Yoongi took a hesitant sip.
He didn't drink this kind of beer before.
It tasted a bit odd, a bit too rich for Yoongi, and Jiyoo seemed to see his discomfort in his eyes, because he laughed, his pretty white teeth appeared.
Yoongi always stared at his canines. He couldn't help himself but to imagine how it would feel if Jiyoo would bite him.
"You don't need to drink it if you don't like it.", he offered but Yoongi shook his head.
He didn't want to give the impression that he couldn't handle a beer. How pathetic would that be?
"Nah, it's fine. I just never tasted it before.", Yoongi said and took another swig. He'd get used to the taste.
When the song changed, Yoongi brought up the topic about music.
They stayed on the edge of the pool while they talked about their favorite artists.
Yoongi didn't even realize how fast he emptied his bottle.
Sometimes he took a sip because he wanted to stop himself from smiling and sometimes he didn't want to seem awkward.
He regretted finishing the bottle so quickly.
He was fumbling with the empty bottle awkwardly until Jiyoo reached out for it.
"Do you want another one?", he asked and Yoongi hesitated to agree.
How many beers were too many when he was without his parents?
But then Yoongi saw Jiyoo's reassuring smile, he asked for another one.
When Jiyoo pressed himself out of the water, Yoongi's eyes wandered all over the Alphas body, making him gulp.
God, why was he so distracted?
Was it jealousy?
Yoongi wondered if deep inside, he wanted to be just as masculine as Jiyoo. Even though it wasn't possible.
Yoongi swam backward a little. He slid through the water with ease and enjoyed feeling weightless.
He floated on the surface and closed his eyes for a moment while he spread his limbs from his body.
Sometimes Yoongi forgot how heavy his body was. Usually he enjoyed every moment he could rest.
Laying or sitting. No matter what. But floating in the water was another kind of satisfying.
"Don't sleep in. I don't want you to drown."
Yoongi opened his eyes when Jiyoo spoke.
He placed two more bottles at the edge and this time Jiyoo also slid into the water a bit more gracefully.
He swam towards Yoongi and before he could react, Jiyoo was splashing water at him.
Yoongi twitched and sunk down a little before he caught himself and pouted at Jiyoo who only grinned at him.
"You think pouting is going to save you?", he asked and suddenly stood up, his massive body rising from the water as he marched towards Yoongi.
He didn't even notice he drifted into the shallow part of the pool.
Yoongi escaped a squeak when he realized what Jiyoo was about to do.
He tried to escape but he slipped when he tried to stand up as well and Jiyoo's hands encircled Yoongi's waist quickly.
Yoongi gasped when he felt Jiyoo's hands around his body.
They seemed almost ridiculously big around his waist, or Yoongi was just skinny.
But Jiyoo lifted Yoongi up and threw him into the deeper water with easy.
Yoongi waved his arms around and gasped shortly before the water swallowed him.
At first he had no orientation. But once he knew where the floor of the pool was, he pushed himself up and gasped for air.
He didn't expect Jiwoo to throw him like that.
It wasn't strong. More like as if he was throwing a child, but if something didn't sit right with Yoongi.
However, he tried to ignore it.
Jiyoo just wanted to be playful.
Yoongi didn't have and time to recover, when Jiyoo was by his side again.
He chuckled a 'C'mere' and grabbed Yoongi again. This time stronger than before and threw Yoongi a bit further.
He heard Jiyoo laugh.
It was a joke.
There was no need to panic for Yoongi.
But he did anyway.
Yoongi noticed he was scared when he called out Jiyoo's name and the Alpha threw him nonetheless.
The second time, it was harder for Yoongi to find orientation in the water.
It was frustrating how he couldn't come up as easy as he would like to.
But worse was when Jiyoo was right by his side and reached out to grab him again.
Yoongi grabbed Jiyoo by his shoulders, a loud smack resounding.
When Yoongi realized his hands were slipping from Jiyoo's skin, he grabbed for his neck.
His mind was running wild.
He didn't want this.
He didn't like this.
Being tossed around. Jiyoo manhandling him how he liked it.
Yoongi dug his nails into Jiyoo's neck when he was lifted up.
Jiyoo wanted to throw him again, looking at him with sparkling eyes.
He had so much joy playing this game with Yoongi.
But once their eyes met, Jiyoo's gaze changed. He noticed something was wrong.
Yoongi didn't even realize how he begged him to ' stop,stop,stop,stop' over and over again.
But he heard it once the Alpha loosened his grip around Yoongi.
Even though his body and mind realized Jiyoo wasn't going to toss him around anymore, Yoongi's breath was uneven.
He was sucking in air with force and pressed it out desperately.
His eyes were fixed on Jiyoo's.
He needed to make sure Jiyoo was getting the message.
"Oh my god, Yoongi. I'm sorry.", Jiyoo apologized right away.
He let go of Yoongi first.
But a whine escaped Yoongi when he did this, since it felt a bit like a rejection.
If Yoongi wasn't fun, Jiyoo wouldn't want him.
Yoongi didn't want to let go, so he kept clinging to Jiyoo's neck.
Jiyoo seemed to get the hint and pulled Yoongi closer again, this time not grabbing him but hugging him.
It felt nice to be flushed to Jiyoo's chest like that.
Yoongi laid his legs around the Alpha's hips and he knew he was clinging to him like a koala.
His arms now around his neck and face pressed to Jiyoo's neck, right where his scent gland was.
Sadly, there was no smell that would calm Yoongi's Beta down.
The Alpha started to rub Yoongi's back, hushing him and even stroking through his hair.
"I'm sorry.", Jiyoo mumbled, sounding truly regretful.
Yoongi was upset that he made Jiyoo sad. His Beta was upset that he couldn't have fun with the Alpha.
"No tossing.", Yoongi said. His breath was slowly calming down, just like his heart which was previously about to jump out of his chest. "Please don't throw me around.", he begged.
Jiyoo reassured him right away. Apologizing some more, telling him that he'd never do it again.
It felt good to hear those promises. Because Yoongi knew Jiyoo would keep them.
At one point Jiyoo had started to rock Yoongi. Slowly and gently until Yoongi stopped shaking and only clung to Jiyoo.
Yoongi could smell Jiyoo's scent. Only a bit stronger than usual.
And at this moment, Yoongi hated himself for being a Beta again.
He wished he could smell Jiyoo, calm down by his pheromones he was probably trying to give off.
But Yoongi was not an Omega. He wouldn't just relax because an Alpha was enveloping him in a nice scent.
He was thankful that Jiyoo was so patient though.
The Alpha caressed Yoongi, walked him over to the edge in case Yoongi would want to leave the pool.
But Yoongi just wanted to hug Jiyoo.
Even when he calmed down a long time ago, Yoongi wanted to stay a bit longer so he didn't slip from Jiyoo's embrace.
He let go of his hips though.
Loosening his legs around Jiyoo's hips.
Since the Alpha was still standing in the water, Yoongi's feet didn't touch the ground.
Jiyoo kept hugging Yoongi, didn't complain and after a time he started to scent Yoongi.
Yoongi didn't know what it meant.
If it was only an attempt to calm him down.
Or if it was something else.
Regardless, Yoongi was so happy, he stayed like this until the pool water became too cold.
That day, Yoongi walked home smelling like Jiyoo.
And he also couldn't stop thinking of the Alpha at night, when he was all alone in his room and his hands were around his cock.
2009, 2. September
"Have you thought about having sex with an Alpha before?"
Yoongi sat with Namjoon on a bench at the Han River.
They did a bike tour along the river.
Namjoon liked to just ride the bike and to get his mind off of things.
And Yoongi liked doing those trips with his friend.
Usually they talked about mundane things.
But something wasn't leaving Yoongi's mind.
Jiyoo.
After the incident, they saw each other more often.
Somehow Jiyoo was more straightforward these days. Inviting Yoongi over every other day, asking him to go out with him.
Sometimes he brought sweets and sometimes he gave Yoongi a shirt or a jacket to wear and never wanted them back.
He also invited Yoongi to his birthday in August but since Jiyoo celebrated big and his house was packed with people from their school, Yoongi refused to go.
Jiyoo didn't blame him. But he demanded that they'd go to the cinema together as a present.
Yoongi didn't mind.
Currently, Yoongi didn't know how to feel.
He was excited. So excited because it felt like Jiyoo was trying to court him.
But he was also insecure. And he wondered what Namjoon thought of it.
His friend looked at him with furrowed brows.
At first he seemed extremely irritated but then he shook his head.
"No, not really. Why?"
Namjoon knew why but he still asked.
He was giving Yoongi the chance to back out of the conversation they were about to have.
But Yoongi didn't want to.
Of course Jiyoo wasn't the first person Yoongi thought of when he touched himself.
But he was the first male Alpha for sure.
Namjoon and Yoongi recommended each other pornos sometimes, Yoongi liked girls from higher grades before, knowing very well that he didn't have a chance.
That didn't stop his fantasy though.
No matter if they were Alpha, Beta, or Omega.
So besides Namjoon, who already had sex with some people, Yoongi never touched another person before. At least in an intimate way.
And Yoongi wondered.
Wondered how it would be with an Alpha. With another man.
"Dunno. I'm just wondering.", Yoongi mumbled, fumbling with his fingers. "You know...how it would be with an Alpha."
Namjoon eyed Yoongi but he didn't dare to look back. It felt as if Namjoon would read Yoongi's mind once their eyes would meet.
"With an Alpha woman... or?", Namjoon sounded unsure.
He didn't want to offend Yoongi, but something in his voice made Yoongi wonder if Namjoon had any prejudices about men liking men.
They never talked about it before.
Namjoon has only been with women as well.
And even though Yoongi was always confident in their friendship, he chickened out.
No matter how curious he was.
"Of course a woman.", Yoongi mumbled and looked up at Namjoon who looked away right away.
"Yeah sure.", Namjoon mumbled back, sinking lower on the bench.
He looked out at the river and chewed at his bottom lip. Then he cleared his throat.
"I think Alpha women are still very dominant. I don't know. If you like that. Check if she wants to be fucked or fuck you, you know. How did you meet her?"
Yoongi was a bit baffled by Namjoon's words. He didn't expect him to speak so openly.
Fuck or being fucked.
Yoongi didn't think about that.
Right.
He felt his neck heat up when he realized.
While his mind wandered off to how he'd look underneath Jiyoo, Namjoon kept staring at the river and waiting for an answer.
Yoongi felt deeply embarrassed.
It felt odd to think about it suddenly. After all the years he spent looking after girls and women.
He noticed that he now only looked at the Alpha in pornos, only came when the Alpha was knotting the Omega, grunting in lust.
Only then Yoongi felt aroused to the point he could cum.
But did he consider touching his butt yet? Not yet.
But maybe it was time.
Maybe Jiyoo would fuck him.
"Uh...", Yoongi didn't think about where he met her . So he stuttered a bit before he answered.
"At Jiyoo's. It's a friend of his. You know. Alpha stuff."
Yoongi would have liked to facepalm himself. Namjoon wouldn't buy that lame lie.
But Namjoon only pressed his lips together and kept staring at the river.
He hummed and pulled his hands out of his pockets to fumble with his fingers.
"I don't know. Talk to her. Did she ask you to sleep with her? Or do you only feel like she wants to?"
Now Namjoon was looking at him and Yoongi looked right back.
It felt awful that Yoongi couldn't say the truth. He wanted to squeal about how Jiyoo held him during summer break.
How softly he touched Yoongi and what kind of sweet things he already told him.
But he was sure Namjoon wouldn't understand.
Because he didn't like Jiyoo and maybe he also didn't like men that liked men as well.
He couldn't lose Namjoon.
"I feel like it. She's very nice to me. But not friendship-nice. Like.... closer.", Yoongi tried to explain. He thought he sounded too insecure. Too silly.
"I believe you when you say that you feel that she's interested.", Namjoon said and smiled at Yoongi. It was reassuring and warm.
"I hope it works out. If you like her as well, that'd be cool."
Yoongi snorted. He couldn't imagine having sex with some stranger.
"Yeah, I like her.", Yoongi mumbled and looked down to his knees.
Skin peaked through the ripped jeans.
Yoongi wondered if Jiyoo really liked him that way.
He should talk to him.
"But I don't know how to address it.", Yoongi said, frowning. He never had this conversation before and he felt as if he should have had it already.
"Nobody really does.", Namjoon reassured him and stood up with a groan.
"There is good timing though. But you will know when to talk about it. But I bet she will be quicker than you."
Namjoon giggled.
Yoongi argued with him a bit more about who'd ask first while they pulled their bikes from the ground.
That evening Yoongi looked up on how to have anal sex.
Even though he was scared his parents might burst into his room any second, it was insightful.
Yoongi just wasn't sure if he could do it.
The next few weeks, Yoongi felt nervous around Jiyoo.
He couldn't bring himself to ask him.
Not only because he was too nervous, but also because there wasn't the mood for it.
They mostly did fun stuff, there was barely any silence between them and Jiyoo also didn't try to touch him much.
Yoongi wanted a moment where they'd look at each other's eyes for a while- really see each other before he'd ask.
But it never occurred.
Yoongi was willing to be patient.
Especially when Jiyoo prepared for his exam for university, he'd write it in November.
Those results would determine what Jiyoo could study.
Yoongi planned to give him something.
A lunch box and a little gift.
Something so Jiyoo would understand Yoongi was thinking of him on that day.
But while Yoongi waited patiently, school life didn't just pass on like usual.
Hoseok had noticed him.
It was from afar.
They saw each other at lunch sometimes or when they walked through the building.
Hoseok's eyes were fixed on Yoongi then and it was an uncomfortable feeling.
They never crossed paths though.
Yoongi always held his breath when he saw Hoseok look at him from afar.
It was a weird feeling. Some kind of anxiety and rage - and something else. Yoongi couldn't pinpoint it.
He wanted to yell at Hoseok to leave him alone even though he didn't do anything. He just stared.
But at the same time, he was anxious he'd walk over and bully him again.
Even though Hoseok wasn't as muscular as other Alphas his age, he was still an Alpha.
And Yoogni couldn't deny that he was feeling tiny under his gaze.
Luckily, Jiyoo was around a lot.
Having him by his side was a relief.
Maybe that was why Hoseok kept his distance. Because there was another Alpha around Yoongi.
Jiyoo often asked Yoongi if he had an encounter with Hoseok.
He seemed worried, and Yoongi was too. But he always told him that Hoseok didn't come near him and that he should focus on studying.
Nonetheless, did he show up at Yoongi's classroom a lot.
Always followed Yoongi outside of the school and only left when Yoongi took the bus home with Namjoon, even when he still had classes.
Yoongi felt so happy about it.
He really liked Jiyoo.
And he hoped Jiyoo also liked him since he was so protective of him.
But on the day Jiyoo wrote his exam, Yoongi didn't have someone to guard him.
On November 20th, everyone was off school.
Yoongi woke up early anyway.
He wanted to pack lunch for Jiyoo so he could eat something after he finished.
But Yoongi was really bad at making sandwiches. They all looked horrible but he decided to pack them up anyways.
He stuck a little good luck charm on the box and packed the lunch box up before he left the flat.
He was at the school building before most students appeared and once Yoongi spotted Jiyoo, he waved at him.
Yoongi wasn't allowed to walk on campus that day so it was easy to catch him.
He handed a surprised Jiyoo the lunch box and told him about the good luck charm he got him.
Jiyoo seemed honestly moved and hugged Yoongi close before he went on campus.
It felt nice when the Alpha didn't let go of him for a long time.
It was a soft embrace and even though both of them wore thick coats already, Yoongi imagined he could feel Jiyoo's body heat.
Yoongi couldn't believe he'd write this important exam next year as well.
But for now he thought about Jiyoo only.
Until he couldn't anymore because when he turned to leave, he ran into two people.
Yoongi gasped and mumbled an apology but when he tried to pass by them, the girl stepped into his way.
"Bringing your Alpha to the important exam?"
Yoongi looked up with huge eyes when he recognized Jiae's voice.
She sounded just as mean as before. Her voice a bit squeaky and nasal. She sounded like a spoiled child.
She also looked like one when she grinned at Yoongi.
Yoongi looked over to the other person and faced Minjun who towered over him.
A whole head taller than him. A dirty grin on his face.
"He's not my Alpha.", Yoongi bit back.
He wasn't scared of them. He was just nervous.
Nervous if Hoseok was around. But a passing view behind them and Yoongi knew they were alone.
Probably sending someone off as well in a bit.
"You are right. Who'd want to be your Alpha.", Minjun mentioned and scoffed.
"Apart from both of you being guys."
Jiae screwed up her nose in disgust.
Yoongi's chest hurt. Because of both comments.
But maybe more because of the first one.
"What do you want?", Yoongi grumbled. He didn't want to be there but he couldn't walk past them and he wasn't sure if he wanted to turn his back on them.
"Nothing. Feel free to leave.", Minjun said, shrugging as if Jiae wasn't staying in his way.
Yoongi scoffed and stepped aside, but no matter what, Jiae mirrored him, not letting him pass.
"What are you waiting for?", Jiae asked, grinning.
How could an Omega be this mean? Weren't they supposed to be sensitive?
Or maybe it was childish to believe that all Omegas had an empathetic nature.
Yoongi stared at her and then at Minjun.
"Are you serious?", he asked. He didn't know if they thought it was funny.
But when Yoongi looked at Minjun's grin, he knew it was a game they were playing.
They didn't grow up one bit.
"You are fucking ridiculous.", Yoongi spat. It was true. He couldn't believe they were acting this way.
He took a step back and looked Jiae up and down for a moment.
"Fuck off.", Yoongi said and turned around to leave.
Suddenly Minjun grabbed him by his scarf and pulled Yoongi back.
The fabric tightened around Yoongi's throat uncomfortably.
He reached up to pull Minjun's hand off but wasn't really successful.
"What did you just say?", the Alpha growled.
Apparently Minjun had a bad temper and couldn't handle people talking back to him.
But Yoongi didn't expect him to snap so quickly. He was sure Minjun's scent was flaring up around them.
Luckily he could barely smell him and his Beta encouraged Yoongi to oppose him instead of backing down.
If he expected Yoongi to shy away, he was wrong.
He stared back at Minjun. If he wanted to punch Yoongi, he could.
Yoongi couldn't stop him from doing so.
But they were still younger than him. Both of them.
And they didn't get to know this side of Yoongi. The confident side.
"I said: Fuck off. Don't you have anything better to do than harassing me?", Yoongi spat back, his voice wasn't shaking one bit even though Minjun looked furious.
Apparently, he couldn't believe Yoongi wasn't scared.
Before either of them two could talk back, some teacher ran over to them.
When they asked what they were doing, Minjun let go of Yoongi and told him to screw off.
Yoongi suppressed a smile when he was able to walk past them.
But he didn't miss when Minjun said to better watch out.
Yoongi didn't know what to expect. But it wasn't important for now.
He was proud. Proud that he was able to stand up to two of his sworn enemies.
Now he'd only need to stand up to Hoseok eventually.
2009, 10. December
On the morning of the tenth of December, Yoongi found a letter on his table.
He was confused for a moment.
It wasn't from Jiyoo.
It was a pink envelope and inside was a letter from a girl.
She was from 10th grade and asked Yoongi to show up on the rooftop later that day.
Yoongi read the letter over and over. This could only mean one thing.
And he couldn't believe it was true.
He folded the letter and put it back into the envelope when Jiyoo stepped foot into the classroom.
Jiyoo looked happy when he walked over to Yoongi's tiny table.
He was sitting in the back now, and Namjoon sat beside him as usual, but he wasn't there yet. Maybe he'd run late but there were still most of the students missing.
These days Namjoon was a bit sleepy and sometimes missed his bus.
"Yoongi, are you free on the weekend?"
Yoongi sighed right away when Jiyoo asked him.
Namjoon and he already planned a sleepover and to bake cookies then. These days Jiyoo always asked him for days he wasn't free.
"I'm sorry. I'll be at Namjoon's. Can we meet the weekend after?"
Jiyoo pulled back Namjoon's chair and sat on it so he could talk comfortably with Yoongi.
"Okay. I would like to have you over for a movie night? To celebrate my results from the exam."
Yoongi's eyes grew wide.
He remembered that Jiyoo had sent Yoongi pictures of him eating his sandwiches on the day of the exam.
Jiyoo had said it was exhausting but looking at Yoongi's good luck charm made him cheer up during the exam.
He had a good feeling but Yoongi wanted to know about the results for so long.
"The results!? How did they turn out? Are you satisfied?", Yoongi asked right away.
He couldn't wait for a whole week.
"Well, I guess you need to come over in order to find out."
Yoongi frowned at Jiyoo who then broke into laughter.
He really thought it was funny.
Yoongi tried to convince him to come out with it, but Jiyoo's lips were sealed.
Therefore Yoongi had to wait for next week, apparently.
At a wave of courage and because it felt just very good to talk to Jiyoo, Yoongi said something dumb.
"I also want to tell you something then."
Jiyoo raised his eyebrows and Yoongi was glad not many people were in the classroom yet.
Two guys were playing games on their phone and another girl was listening to music while her friend cleaned the blackboard.
Otherwise they might have stared and make Yoongi nervous.
Jiyoo leaned on the backrest of the chair he was sitting on and hummed.
"Now I know why you pouted before. I don't like to wait too."
Yoongi snorted and ran his hands through his now shorter hair.
His mother cut it a while ago because Yoongi's bangs already fell into his eyes.
"Your loss.", Yoongi mumbled back and grinned at Jiyoo who smiled back at him softly.
Just then Yoongi noticed that Jiyoo wasn't smug about it. He was just looking at him.
Very careful and with a sparkle in his eyes.
Yoongi wondered what he was thinking.
But he might not find out until next week because Namjoon just then entered the class.
Yoongi turned around to him right away, greeting him.
Jiyoo stood up from his chair and offered him the seat.
"I thought you were late.", Yoongi said once Namjoon sat down and unpacked his bag.
"Nah. I just needed to stop by the club. I prepared batter for our pancakes today.", Namjoon said and placed his bag beside his desk.
Yoongi was pretty sure Namjoon's mother was the one preparing it.
"By the way, how long will you take part in club activities?", Namjoon suddenly asked Jiyoo.
These days he tried to be a bit kinder towards him.
Even Yoongi noticed.
"In January we will drop out of club activities because we need to focus on our studies. I will miss the club.", Jiyoo answered, standing besides Yoongi's table, his fingers grazing gently over the surface.
"Will you study something related to movies? Do you have your results yet?"
Jiyoo hummed and looked towards Yoongi with a grin.
"I won't spoil it. I plan on telling Yoongi next week."
At this Yoongi frowned and pouted up to him, but Jiyoo could only laugh about it.
Namjoon looked over to Yoongi and then huffed a laugh.
"Okay cool. Tell me then as well."
Jiyoo agreed to do so.
They did some more small talk before Jiyoo decided to leave for his own class again.
Yoongi felt curiosity prickle in his body which deflated once he opened up his table again and the pink envelope stared back at him.
To be honest, Yoongi didn't want to go up there but it would also be rude not to go.
Maybe it wasn't even a confession Yoongi had to face.
Yoongi just hoped it wasn't some kind of prank.
"Hey, Namjoon. I need to take care of something after school. Can you tell the others I will join the club later?", Yoongi asked, pushing the letter under a couple of notebooks.
"Sure. What do you need to do?", Namjoon asked but Yoongi only waved him off.
"I will tell you later, okay?"
Namjoon hummed and opened his books.
Yoongi really hoped it was something he could tell Namjoon without feeling embarrassed.
But he started to doubt it once he walked the stairs up to the rooftop.
Yoongi took the letter with himself in case the girl would like to get the letter back.
He felt insecure when he took the last steps towards the open door.
Usually they weren't allowed up there.
Sometimes there were club activities up here but since it was cold and almost freezing, they usually closed it and they also couldn't spend time here during lunch break.
Yoongi stepped outside carefully.
He looked around if more people were around but the girl by the fence was alone.
When she heard Yoongi's steps, she turned around and Yoongi remembered her right away.
She stood at his stand last school year and asked him about the cooking club.
They talked for quite a while before Jiyoo arrived later.
Yoongi didn't even notice her these past month.
He wondered why she was trying to reach out to him. Maybe because both of them were Betas?
Yoongi smiled at her when she walked towards him.
She only wore the school uniform and her own cardigan.
The skirt she wore only reached up to her knees and Yoongi figured she must be really cold.
Yoongi thought she was pretty.
Her brown hair was very smooth and there were hairpins in her hair, holding her hair behind her ears.
She looked neat, just like back then.
He bangs were ruffled up by the wind and her cheeks pink.
"It's freezing, are you okay?", Yoongi asked when she stopped in front of him.
"We can go inside as well.", he offered but the girl shook his head.
"N-No. I would like to talk up here. I'm okay.", she answered, pulling the cardigan a bit tighter around herself.
"I'm glad you showed up. I was scared you wouldn't come."
Yoongi's smile thinned down into a tiny simper.
Now he felt how nervous he really was.
They looked at each other for a while without saying something.
Should Yoongi speak up? Did she change her mind? Yoongi wouldn't press her to speak up.
"Uhm."
Yoongi held his breath when she spoke up.
She looked as if she had mixed feelings and she hesitated before she continued.
"I asked you up here because I want to tell you something."
Yoongi nodded encouragingly.
Whatever it was, it couldn't be something mean, right?
She looked too shy for that.
She averted her eyes and looked to the floor.
While she fumbled with her hand, she nibbled on her top lip.
She pulled it inside and Yoongi watched how the pink flesh ran through her teeth.
And he also noticed how it did nothing to him.
"I was thankful that you were so nice to me the day we were allowed to look at all the clubs. I was scared people were mean to Betas at high school."
Yoongi chuckled and scratched his neck. He thought just the same back then.
He would have liked to tell her that but she seemed to continue so Yoongi didn't reply.
"And I was looking at you from afar, Yoongi. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you earlier. I don't want to come off as a creep."
"You don't. It's okay.", Yoongi reassured her calmly.
It was hard for her to look at him. Whenever her eyes flickered up to him, they flew back to their feet right away again.
She seemed very nervous and she gulped loudly before she continued.
Yoongi felt sorry for her. She was going through so much stress for nothing.
Nobody ever confessed to him before but Yoongi imagined himself looking like that when he'd confess his love.
He'd probably be even more anxious.
"But I really like you.", she said, looking at Yoongi through her lashes.
"I think you are very nice. You never get into fights and you just seem very cool."
Why would someone like her like someone like Yoongi?
"And I wanted to ask if you'd want to be my boyfriend."
She covered her mouth once she said it. Her words came out clumsy and she slurred her words as if she was too embarrassed.
And her red face told Yoongi just the same.
Yoongi wondered what it was that this girl really liked about him.
If she looked at him from afar, how could she tell that he was cool? What if Yoongi was a creep?
They didn't talk too much. Maybe Yoongi was just nice because he needed to.
It was odd that she thought he was a good human without knowing him.
She looked honestly hopeful though. Yoongi didn't want to judge her. He knew her just as little as she did know him.
"I'm sorry.", Yoongi started. He didn't want to hurt her.
"But I can't.", he answered.
The look in the girls eyes changed from shy to disappointed.
She pressed her lips together.
Luckily she didn't look as if she was about to cry, but when she looked to the floor again, Yoongi saw that she was thinking about something.
He waited patiently until she finished her thoughts.
"Is it because of that Alpha?", she suddenly asked and Yoongi almost gasped out loud.
He stared at her and when she looked up, she looked a bit taken back.
"Both of you get along very well. I was already wondering. People are saying you smell like him very often."
Yoongi's heart picked up speed. Did he?
Yoongi's beta was thoroughly satisfied by her words. Maybe people really knew that Jiyoo was taking care of him.
But it also scared him that people were talking about them.
Yoongi didn't want to deny it nor confirm. But he knew she expected an answer.
But Yoongi couldn't provide it.
"I'm sorry.", Yoongi said once more, hoping it was enough. This time he looked away.
It didn't feel fair to look at her.
"Okay.", she finally whispered. "I understand."
Yoongi wasn't sure if she really did.
But she didn't seem angry or upset. Instead she seemed slightly relieved.
Especially when she had it off her chest.
Yoongi wanted to offer that they could be friends. That maybe they could start talking to each other.
But it seemed silly in the current situation.
And before Yoongi could change his mind again, the girl bowed.
"Thank you for listening to me.", she said and Yoongi bowed back to her after a short moment of confusion.
He didn't know why she was so formal, but the moment she raised again, she walked past Yoongi.
She hurried off the roof and Yoongi looked after her.
Just then he remembered that he wanted to offer her to take the letter back.
So he started to hurry after her.
At first Yoongi wanted to ask her to stop leaving, but he realized that he didn't even know her name.
"Hey!", he yelled out when he saw her two stairs below him. "Wait a moment."
She seemed to slow down but when Yoongi caught up to her, Yoongi saw why.
She stopped on the main floor. Another person was with the girl and Yoongi almost stumbled down the last row of stairs when he saw who that was.
He stayed put on top while he watched the girl stroke tears from her cheeks.
Hoseok was holding her by her shoulders and stared up at Yoongi with an intense gaze.
He didn't seem the tiniest bit surprised.
Yoongi on the other hand was surprised.
Usually there was more space between them. This was the first time they were so close again and Yoongi's body felt weird.
He could barely breathe and he felt ants crawl under his skin.
Somehow Yoongi wanted to walk down the stairs, but he was also frozen in place.
Why did he want to go down there?
"It's okay.", Hoseok suddenly said and laid his arm around the girls shoulders.
He didn't spare Yoongi another glance.
Both of them walked slowly along the hallway, away from Yoongi.
The further they walked, the better Yoongi felt because the weight on Yoongi's chest disappeared.
At one point Yoongi gasped for air.
He couldn't believe Hoseok showed up.
And Yoongi didn't know what to think about the fact that the girl was apparently friends with Hoseok.
Or whatever that was.
Yoongi didn't talk with Namjoon about it.
2009, 14. December
Things were different when Yoongi came to school that day.
Yoongi packed cookies which Namjoon and he baked that weekend.
Usually, Jiyoo looked for Yoongi in the morning, but that day he didn't.
Yoongi waited for him.
He really wanted to give those cookies to Jiyoo.
But even after lunch break, Jiyoo was nowhere to be seen.
"Maybe he's sick?", Namjoon offered an explanation once they sat on their usual spot in the hallway, watching the schoolyard.
Yoongi didn't say it out loud, but Namjoon must have sensed that he was a bit upset.
"I don't know. I'm pretty sure he would have sent a message by now.", Yoongi said, checking his cell phone again.
No message from Jiyoo.
"Why don't you send one first?", Namjoon asked, stating the obvious.
But Yoongi didn't even know why he didn't want to send one first.
Suddenly Namjoon said 'oh' softly and pointed down in the schoolyard.
Yoongi almost gasped when he saw Jiyoo with Minjun, but he swallowed it.
Instead, he watched how Minjun and Jiyoo walked over the schoolyard towards a group of people.
Yoongi spotted Hoseok right away, he turned towards Minjun once they joined the crowd.
There were a lot of twelfth-graders. Probably Jiyoo's friends. But Yoongi and Namjoon never spotted them together before.
Maybe something happened over the weekend and Yoongi regretted not meeting up with Jiyoo last weekend.
Yoongi's thoughts were running wild.
Was Jiyoo now friends with Hoseok? Why were they suddenly joining the rest of Jiyoo's friends?
They saw his classmates in the schoolyard often, but they often just lingered around, smoked or joked around.
They also didn't seem to be bothered that Jiyoo usually spent his lunch breaks with Yoongi.
But Yoongi and Namjoon barely saw Jiyoo joining the others, not to mention that Hoseok and his friends were suddenly hanging out with them.
Something was up and Yoongi's stomach was feeling odd.
He was feeling sick.
Hopefully, he was thinking too much into it.
Hopefully, Jiyoo just felt the urge to have an eye on Hoseok.
"I will look for him later.", Yoongi said and looked down at his lunch and picked up a small sausage to munch on it.
"I don't know, Yoongi. I think you should wait for Jiyoo to approach you.", Namjoon said.
Yoongi looked at him with a frown. "Why?"
Didn't Namjoon advise him to take the first step a moment ago?
"Yoongi, don't you think it's odd that Jiyoo is suddenly hanging out with them ?"
Yoongi looked down to the group again.
Jiyoo seemed to have fun, laughed with Minjun, and showed Hoseok something on his phone.
That didn't sit right with Yoongi. And Namjoon was right but Yoongi wanted an explanation.
So of course Yoongi walked up to Jiyoo's classroom once his last lesson ended.
Namjoon tried to stop him several times by asking him to leave instead, but Yoongi didn't want to listen.
Yoongi needed to know. Needed to know if Jiyoo has been playing with him all along.
But once they reached Jiyoo's classroom, Namjoon held him back physically.
He grabbed Yoongi's arm before he could walk into the classroom.
"Yoongi, please. It is not a good idea. Why can't you accept that?"
He didn't expect Namjoon to understand.
But if Yoongi would find out the truth, then today. And not any other day.
"Because I don't want to. If you think it's bullshit, then leave.", Yoongi forced out and pulled his arm out of Namjoon's grip.
He knew all of this seemed a bit dramatic, but Yoongi was angry.
Usually there were a lot of things that needed to happen so Yoongi would get angry.
Someone would at least try to make fun of him and push him around before Yoongi would get annoyed.
But now, only seeing Jiyoo with his enemies was enough for him to make him almost burst.
Namjoon only frowned at Yoongi but didn't hold him back anymore.
He also didn't seem to think about leaving.
Yoongi turned his back onto Namjoon and walked towards the door at the front of the class.
Once he pulled it open, a couple people looked up.
Jiyoo had self-study class now but once Yoongi laid eyes on Jiyoo's chair, it was empty.
He frowned. Jiyoo was always studying.
Suddenly he heard a couple students whisper and others giggle.
Yoongi must look stupid.
"Jiyoo isn't here.", a boy suddenly said.
Yoongi looked over to him and saw a smug smile on his lips.
"He's taking a smoking break."
Confusion was written all over Yoongi's face.
Jiyoo? Smoking?
Never.
Jiyoo didn't smoke.
They only knew one spot where they could be.
At first Yoongi's anger deflated a little. Was it worth it to run after Jiyoo?
Yoongi didn't even thank the boy and left the classroom right away.
He pulled the door shut with a loud bang.
Yoongi was chewing his bottom lip. Was it worth it to search for Jiyoo? Who knew who he was with.
But Yoongi didn't have much time to think about it.
"Who do we have here?"
Yoongi looked over to his left so fast, he thought he might get whiplash.
In the hallway stood Jiyoo but he wasn't alone.
Around him were standing a couple classmates and Minjun was standing right beside him.
Jiae and Hoseok appeared a bit later.
Yoongi discovered them once all of them stopped in the hallway.
Hoseok looked past everyone, his eyes fixed on Yoongi.
Suddenly Yoongi wasn't so sure if he still wanted to talk to Jiyoo anymore.
At least not when there were so many people. And when they were smiling at Yoongi as if they knew something he didn't.
"It's nice to see you.", Minjun said, he seemed too amused about the fact that they met Yoongi.
Yoongi sucked in air. His eyes flickered from Minjun to Jiyoo and he waited.
Waited for Jiyoo to say something.
To explain himself because he also looked miserable.
His face was white and his eyes rueful.
He looked a bit nervous besides Minjun.
And Yoongi never noticed how big Minjun really was. Beside him, Jiyoo looked average.
Yoongi didn't know if he could expect anything from Jiyoo now.
He looked like a scared puppy.
Some of Jiyoo's classmates opened the door at the other end of the classroom and walked inside.
Yoongi heard them say that Jiyoo and Yoongi were outside.
Seconds later, a few faces appeared in the windows to the classroom.
The weight on Yoongi got heavier. He felt Namjoon pull on his arm.
He should have listened to his friend because suddenly Hoseok spoke.
"Didn't expect you to be a fag as well."
To say Yoongi was shocked was an understatement.
A fag? Why would Hoseok call him that? Yoongi couldn't control his face.
He didn't know what to say when the girl that confessed to him the week before appeared beside Hoseok, looking at him with judging eyes.
"Swooning over a male Alpha.", Minjun said and shook his head as if he was disappointed.
"We knew you were weird, but that weird? Nah. Right, Jiyoo?"
Jiyoo pressed his lips together.
He clenched his fists.
While Yoongi had his eyes fixed on him, Jiyoo looked around the hallway and at all the faces in the windows.
He seemed nervous. His ears were getting pink.
Suddenly he frowned.
Yoongi wondered what was going on in his head.
But he would probably never find out.
"Tell him.", Hoseok said and Yoongi still felt his gaze burning. But he decided not to look away from Jiyoo. "Or are you a fag too?"
If anything Jiyoo said or did these past month wasn't an act, he would stand up for Yoongi.
He would tell the others to fuck off.
But Yoongi was right, Alphas were shit.
"I'm not into guys.", Jiyoo pressed out, averting his eyes, staring at the floor.
"I'm not like that."
Yoongi clenched his jaw.
He couldn't believe this bastard didn't even look at him when saying it.
While Yoongi felt a deep and burning anger, there was something else in his chest.
And just like this, Yoongi experienced his first heartbreak.
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