4-Stand Up
1998, 24. August
It was another very hot summer day.
Yoongi had to line up for Miss Choi to apply sunscreen on him and after she was done, he wasn't sure if she did it just as accurate as his mother.
So he took it upon himself to apply some more sun cream, which his mom always stored in his backpack.
While he rubbed it onto his nose in small circular motions he saw some of the kids gather in the middle of the playground.
It was really spacious, and there were at least six kids already.
Yoongi saw more kids runing towards them, and there were a lot he didn't know yet.
Today another group within the kindergarten joined them.
Yoongi looked for Mrs. Lee but he wasn't able to spot her.
Apparently, it wasn't her group.
Yoongi had been thinking about his grandma's words a lot even today, when his mom was driving him to the kindergarten.
Today he should try and approach some of the kids.
He even saw Hoseok.
He got a haircut and bangs were much shorter now, revealing his forehead.
He wore shorts and a white shirt, something Yoongi's mom would never allow him to wear outside.
He knew his parents only forced him to wear these things when someone important visited them or when they were going out.
So, of course, Yoongi always wore old clothes.
Hoseok on the other hand always looked so neat and pretty.
Yoongi was amazed by that. It made him want to wear shorts as well.
He started to walk towards the group.
Maybe he could talk to Hoseok first.
Then maybe he wouldn't think he was a ghost anymore.
As Yoongi walked closer, he was picking up pieces of their conversations.
Everyone was telling each other their name.
For a moment Yoongi wondered if anyone would want to know his name or if he should ask someone.
Nevertheless,his eyes were fixed on Hoseok's figure again.
Something was pulling him straight towards him and it didn't take Yoongi very long to reach him.
He reached out for Hoseok's neatly ironed white shirt.
He wanted to thug on it, but suddenly Hoseok turned around and he reached past him.
They looked at each other for a moment, Hoseok's eyes grew in size.
Luckily, Yoongi finally found his voice.
" Can I join you?" he asked.
Around them, a couple of Hoseok's friends were looking at him.
He even heard someone say, "No. We don't want you to play with us!"
Yoongi was already hurt by those words but he was staring at Hoseok's lips, hoping that something else would come out of his mouth.
Hoseok turned around and leaned over to a friend, whispering something in his ear.
They giggled and then smiled at each other.
Hoseok then turned back and said, "Sure. We are playing hide and seek. You can hide."
Relief washed over Yoongi.
He was really allowed to play with them!
He smiled at them and bounced up and down on his feet.
The kids kept whispering a bit more but then everyone seemed to agree on the rules of the game.
Yoongi didn't mind that he wasn't able to speak his mind.
He was just happy that Hoseok looked at him once more with a smile.
"Okay, everyone. I will search! You have 20 seconds to hide."
Once Hoseok announced this, everyone started moving.
Hoseok covered his face and started counting loudly.
Yoongi looked around.
He decided to run close to the building.
He walked along the facade and reached a hedge at the end.
There was a small gap in between the building and the greens.
Yoongi crouched down and realized, he was able to squeeze through,so he slowly crawled in and a few inches forward until he thought the others couldn't find him easily.
He sat there quietly and tried to breathe calmly.
Yoongi stared at the branches in front of him and suddenly he heard something rustle.
He held his breath for a moment.
Did Hoseok already reach the hedge?
Suddenly something emerged from deeper within the branches.
Yoongi almost yelled, but only a soft yelp escaped his lips when the grey cat showed up.
The cat seemed just as surprised and looked at him with big eyes.
At first, it seemed very focused but then it just looked passed him as it walked through branches and towards him.
The cat stopped in front of him and sniffed his knee.
She tried to capture something, but Yoongi wasn't sure what, so he waited and just observed the animal.
Finally, it sniffed Yoongi's hand and rubbed its head against the back of it.
Yoongi smiled as he tried to get more comfortable on the ground.
The cat didn't run away. Instead, it started to cuddle up to him once Yoongi started to stroke its soft fur.
The cat kept rubbing its head against Yoongi's palm and crawled into his lap.
Yoongi was amazed when it snuggled into his lap and got comfortable.
He kept stroking it.
The cat's body was warm, its fur soft and somehow it calmed Yoongi down. He wasn't as excited anymore. He wouldn't mind staying there a bit longer.
Yoongi didn't know how much time passed, his eyes got heavy, but he didn't want to move with the cat in his lap.
Eventually, he closed his eyes and doze off.
The yell of his name made him wake up.
"Yoongi!? Baby, where are you?"
Yoongi opened his eyes to the loud voice of his mom.
The cat disappeared from his lap, only a bunch of fur left.
Yoongi rubbed his eyes before he crawled out from his hideout.
His mother stood mere feet from his hideout.
Somehow Yoongi was proud she hasn't been able to find him.
Once he stumbled towards her, she turned around and ran towards him.
"Yoongi! There you are! Were you hiding??" she asked, worry prominent in her voice.
"Where are the others?"she asked and looked around.
Yoongi frowned when he realized barely anyone was outside anymore.
"Almost everyone went home already, Yoongi. God, you scared me so much."
"I'm sorry." Yoongi said and hugged his mommy.
He felt she was distressed.
"I met a cat!" Yoongi said once his mom pulled back.
She let out an airy breath and shook her head.
"Yeah, I can see that." she said, picking the cat fur from his clothes.
Yoongi looked around and he was looking for Hoseok.
The boy didn't find him, and it seemed like he didn't even wonder where he was.
Somehow this made Yoongi sad.
1998, 27. August
It was around 9 p.m. when Yoongi decided to get up and leave his room.
He looked at his green LED clock and then slowly climbed down on the stairs of his bunk bed.
His dad had built it for him so he could store his toys underneath it.
Yoongi thought about his friend, Younjae, who had a bed that looked like a car. He thought that was really cool, but he really liked his own as well.
He pulled his slippers on and then walked over to his door.
His mommy always left the door ajar, so he only pulled on it a bit and walked out into the hallway.
Tonight a movie was playing which Yoongi wanted to see.
His parents still didn't allow him to stay awake until late but he still wanted to take a peek to see if they were watching it without him.
So Yoongi walked to the stairs really slow and made sure not to be too loud.
Once he reached the stairs, he sat down on it, then looked into the living room from in between the wooden handrail.
Yoongi blinked a couple of times. He was quite tired but really wanted to watch the movie.
However, the TV was turned off and his parents just sat on the couch.
On the table there was a bottle of wine and two almost empty glasses.
His parents were cuddling on the couch and Yoongi felt odd as he watched them.
There was a weird scent in the air.
His parents didn't smell like this usually.
"I'm so worried." he heard his mother mumble.
She was running her hands through her hair over and over again.
His daddy was rubbing over her knees and leaned into her.
"You don't need to. Calm down," he said and kissed her temples.
He grabbed her hands and squeezed them.
"He's okay. He's a strong boy. He'll be strong once he's grown up."
"I don't want him to be super strong. I want him to be happy. I know that he hates it there."
"Honey.", his dad said and kissed her.
"I'm sorry. But we can't switch him back to his other kindergarten. They have no space for him anymore."
Yoongi's mommy sighed heavily and hugged his daddy.
"I hate this. I want to keep him home."
"I know. I'm sorry we can't afford that now."
"It's okay.", she whispered and started to scent him.
He rubbed her back and nosed at her scent gland as well.
Yoongi pouted. He wanted to cuddle with his parents as well.
He only caught a bit of their conversation but he wanted to be surrounded by his parents now.
So he stood up and walked down the stairs.
His parents noticed him right away.
"Why are you awake, pup?", his dad asked.
He ran over to the couch and tried to crawl up in between them.
His mother instantly helped him and pulled him into her arms.
"Baby, you need to sleep.", she said and stroke over his head.
"I want to cuddle.", Yoongi mumbled and pressed his feet against his dad's belly.
He grabbed his son's legs and massaged them while his mother cuddled him.
"Can I sleep in your bed today?", Yoongi asked and looked up at his mommy and then at his daddy.
They looked at each other before his mommy smiled.
"Of course you can.", she said and kissed his nose.
Yoongi crunched up his nose but giggled.
His parents didn't seem as tense anymore.
He loved the attention he got from his parents and he closed his tired eyes for a moment to enjoy his dad's big hands on his legs and his mom's soft fingers on his cheeks.
He felt so light and calm that he fell asleep immediately.
1998, 05. September
Yoongi had gotten invited to a costume party.
His mother just placed the hat on top of his head.
Yoongi dressed up as a cowboy because his dad suggested that.
He himself bought all the stuff for him and made sure Yoongi was dressed properly.
His mommy made sure that he arrived at the party.
Hoseok was the one who invited him.
At first, Yoongi thought it was odd. But then more people talked about the party and someone told his mommy as well.
Maybe one of the other parents.
So now they stood in front of this big house which belonged to the Jung family.
Their own house looked nothing like this.
This one looked expensive.
Yoongi was a bit surprised when they stopped in front of that building.
He didn't find any words for the house.
They had a big gate and a front yard with flowers - even a fountain.
Yoongi saw something like this at a hotel before but he was sure Hoseok's family wasn't living in a hotel, right?
Yoongi's mom parked in front of the house and then walked up to the door with him.
When they rang the bell, a sweet melody was playing and it didn't take long for the door to open.
A pretty and young woman opened the door and looked at Yoongi first before she looked up his mommy.
Yoongi recognized her right away as Hoseok's mother.
She only picked up the boy from time to time but Hoseok always smelled very strongly like her.
"Haerin! I'm happy Yoongi was able to come.", she said with a very sweet voice and opened the door for them a bit further.
"I'm sorry. We were busy with the costume and therefore took longer than planned."
"No worries.", the woman said and closed the door as soon as they stepped inside.
"But did nobody tell you the costumes got canceled?"
The woman looked down at Yoongi and pulled her eyebrows up.
Something about her was weird.
Yoongi didn't really like her but he wanted to be kind because it was Hoseok's mommy.
"Canceled?", Yoongi asked and looked up to his own mom.
What did that mean?
"Ah...", his mom gasped, then looked down to Yoongi with a sad look.
"My god. I don't have anything for him to change."
"No worries. I will send our housekeeper to get him a proper shirt."
Yoongi liked his outfit. His parents put much effort into the costume and he didn't want to peel out of it now.
"It's okay.", Yoongi said and smiled a bit.
"I like it."
His mother looked at him with regretful eyes and kneeled down in front of him.
"Are you sure, baby?", she asked and stroke Yoongi's cheek a couple times.
"Yes, I'm sure.", Yoongi answered and shrugged.
His mother pressed his lips together -something she did when she wasn't convinced completely.
"Can I go play now?", Yoongi asked and looked past his mother.
He still was curious what the others were playing.
His mommy sighed heavily and then gave him a wet kiss on his cheek before she stood up again.
Yoongi scrunched up his face and made his mom giggle.
"Fine. Have fun.", she said and let go of her son.
Yoongi walked towards the noises then.
He looked around and noticed all the family pictures.
Their family looked so neat and pretty.
Everyone looked perfect in the pictures.
Suddenly two girls ran from the kitchen towards the living room which was so close, Yoongi already spotted the carpet.
Those were kids Yoongi didn't know.
And he was surprised when they stopped for a moment.
"What are you dressed as?", one of them asked and put a bonbon in her mouth.
"I'm a cowboy.", Yoongi said, a bit unsure.
"But this is no costume party.", the other girl said. Her voice was a bit too high for Yoongi's liking.
"I know.", Yoongi only said and looked down.
He knew but still hoped that they didn't care.
"I will pick you up in a couple of hours.", Yoongi heard his mom say and he turned around to look at her.
She waved at him and only left when Yoongi waved back.
Hoseok's mother closed the door after her and then looked at the two girls and Yoongi again before she said," Go play," and then disappeared into another room.
Yoongi blinked a couple of times.
Wouldn't Hoseok's mom join them?
When he looked back at the girls, he felt their pair of eyes all over his body.
They were scanning him up and down.
"That's a bit weird. But it looks good.", one of them said and the other smiled.
Yoongi smiled back and pulled on the front of his hat as his dad showed him at home.
"Thank you!", he said and looked up again when some giggles came from the living room.
"Come. We are playing princess and knight with Hoseok's toys! We still need a princess."
Yoongi didn't mind playing a princess as long as he was allowed to play with them.
So he gladly followed them when they dragged him along.
Yoongi gasped when he entered the living room.
It was huge.
So huge that several kids were building one big castle with Hoseok's Playmobil.
He didn't know many of them, but he only looked for Hoseok anyways.
The boy was at the very back of the room, discussing something at the moment.
Aparently, someone took a piece of Playmobil Hoseok needed now.
The girls who Yoongi walked with, pulled him around the building and then placed a figurine in his hand which looked much like a princess.
Yoongi looked at the toy and then around.
He didn't really know what to do.
Everyone was either building something or talking to each other.
And because the two girls from before ran around already again, Yoongi bowed down to pick up a red module.
He looked over the towers and bridges they built and thought about where to put the piece.
Therefore he wandered around a bit.
There were a lot of kids Yoongi didn't know.
Some looked at him weirdly, others curiously.
The kids from kindergarten didn't pay any attention to him. But it was obvious that they tried to avoid him and that they got out of his way once he walked too close.
It felt wrong.
Yoongi felt really lonely in a room full with other kids.
Kids he thought could become his friends.
"You stole it!"
Yoongi got startled by the loud voice which belonged to Hoseok.
The boy looked Yoongi up and down, his nose wrinkled.
He stood right in front of Yoongi.
He immediately noticed how his heart speed up.
"I picked it up.", Yoongi said with a shaky voice and raised the brick.
Hoseok clicked his tongue.
He quickly grabbed the red module and again looked Yoongi up and down.
Then he took some steps back.
"You look like a freak. I don't even know why my mom let you in.", he spat and then quickly turned around to run back to his previously spot.
Yoongi swallowed a big lump in his throat.
Hoseok was so intimidating, a cold shiver ran down his spine.
His eyes were burning, but didn't want to cry in front of the other kids, so he quickly dropped the figurine on the floor and ran into the hallway.
He heard how the kids in the living room giggled.
The hallway was empty and Yoongi walked up the stairs so he could sit down for a moment.
He pressed his hands against his eyes and tried to keep the tears in. Maybe if he'd press long enough, the tears won't spill out.
Yoongi sniffled his nose tho. That was the only sound he made.
"Are you a cowboy?", someone asked and Yoongi slowly pulled his hands away.
His eyes hurt from the pressure and he needed to blink a couple of times until he could see the one at the feet of the stairs.
A boy with round cheeks and curious eyes.
He had no confidence left to actually answer the question.
He was so scared the boy would make fun of him as well.
The boy raised his hand, in it a bunch of sour gummy worms.
"Do you want some?", the boy asked, but Yoongi just eyed him.
Maybe he'd pull away once Yoongi would reach out.
But instead of leaving Yoongi because he was weird, the boy climbed the stairs with clumsy steps and sat down beside him.
"What's your favorite? Mine are the yellow ones!", the boy kept mumbling and opened his palms.
He showed many yellow ones and Yoongi gulped.
"Those are my favorites as well.", Yoongi finally said softly and the boy beside him giggled.
"Good thing I took most of them with me."
He was still offering them to Yoongi and finally, Yoongi had enough trust to actually reach out.
The boy didn't pull away, nor did he tell Yoongi to keep his hands away.
So Yoongi carefully picked one yellow worm and started sucking in the sour surface.
He scrunched up his face but then laughed when the other boy did too.
"I like that outfit! The others were mean.", the boy pouted a bit when he said, then he sucked in a worm as well.
"I look stupid.", Yoongi mumbled and shrugged.
The others were right. Yoongi looked ridiculous.
"That's not true. You look good! It's no costume party but it's not your fault you didn't know.", the boy said and patted his back, maybe a bit too strong.
Yoongi wasn't hurt though. Instead, he felt good and kind of happy.
The boy pressed another worm into his hands.
"I wish I would have such a cool outfit!", he added. "Can I wear your hat?"
Yoongi nodded then took the hat off his head and handed it to the boy who was pretty excited to place it on his head.
"How do I look?"
"You look good.", Yoongi answered and got greeted by a kind smile.
"I'm Kim Namjoon. We live down the street so I got invited."
Yoongi hummed as he chewed on his worm.
"Did he invite the whole street?", Yoongi asked and Namjoon shook his head.
"Hoseok and his friends only play with a couple of people. Their parents tell them to stay with people who have money as well."
Yoongi opened his mouth for a moment.
He didn't know what Namjoon meant by that. His parents had money too. That was what they paid with every time they went grocery shopping.
What made Hoseok so special?
"But my mom always tells me not to talk about it.", Namjoon added, taking another gummy worm.
"So you play with Hoseok?", Yoongi asked, curiously.
"Sometimes. But he's bossy, so not very often."
"Bossy?", Yoongi looked down the stairs.
Hoseok really ordered others around sometimes.
"I would like to play with Hoseok.", Yoongi mumbled.
Sometimes he wondered why but he didn't feel like Hoseok wasn't that bad even after all the things he already said.
"No, you don't.", Namjoon simply said and gave Yoongi another worm.
Suddenly two kids from Yoongi's kindergarten rounded the corner and walked towards the toilet.
"Freak! You are still here?", one of them said and Yoongi lowered his gaze again.
Couldn't he just walk home?
Maybe Hoseok's mommy would drive him home?
"Stop being mean!", Namjoon said, standing up.
"He's cooler than you!"
The kids from kindergarten looked at each other and then at Yoongi.
After an unsure look at Namjoon, they kept walking.
Yoongi was surprised.
Nobody ever stood up for him before.
"Thank you.", he shyly said and looked up at Namjoon who grinned at him widely.
Namjoon placed the last yellow worm in his hands and then walked down the stairs.
"Do you want to leave? We can walk to my place! I have a treehouse and we have a dog."
Yoongi was so excited that Namjoon invited him.
He clenched the worm in his hand and walked down the stairs as well.
"Yes! I'd love to play with you!"
Nobody stopped them when they walked out of the house. Not Mrs. Jung, nor any of the kids or the housemaid.
Later Mrs. Kim scolded Namjoon and Yoongi for leaving on their own.
They promised not to leave ever again without telling about it.
When Namjoon's mommy called Yoongi's, he was worried his mother would be really angry at him and take him with her immediately.
But once she arrived, she was only angry at him for a while and then she let him play with Namjoon a bit longer.
Yoongi was so happy when he was able to play tea party with Namjoon and his plushy friends.
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