Kabanata 14
Kabanata 14 (Revised First Version with Major Revisions)
Another tiring day for me. My soles are kinda aching for the nonstop dance practice I did for next week's event but it is worth it.
Dancing has always been so worth it. Kahit maingay, magulo at nakakapagod ang mundo kung nasaan ako, ang pagsasayaw ang naging karamay ko roon. Dancing became my peace—it was my safe haven.
Carrying my shoes and a bag is on my shoulders while I make my way out of dance studio to go home.
"Magandang gabi po, Ma'am Sibyl," the guards greeted and I stopped on my tracks to look at them.
"Good evening," pormal kong sabi, may kaakibat pang maliit na labi sa ngiti.
"Ginabi kayo sa practice, Ma'am, ah? May sundo na po ba kayo?" the guard asked and I shook my head.
"They're busy," I answered, "I'm just gonna commute."
"Sige po, hatid na kita, Ma'am?" he offered and I nodded and smiled.
Kuya was kind enough and helped me with my things, sinamahan pa niya ako sa may antayan ng cab para sa pag-uwi ko sana pero habang nag-aantay kami ay may tumawag sa akin.
I shifted my head, my lips lifting for a smile when I saw my friend, Wyatt.
"Going home?" he asked the moment he parked in front of me, bumaba siya ng sasakyan pa para salubungin ako kaya nangiti ako at nang inilahad niya ang braso ay yumakap din ako.
"Yeah, but you see, wala akong sundo," tawa ko kaya ngumisi siya at umiling sabay sulyap sa guard na nanunuod sa aming dalawa.
"Salamat po sa paghatid ditong kay Sibyl, Kuya, ako na bahala maghatid." He said and the guard glanced at me, his eyes are asking kaya tumango ako.
"Sige po, sasabay na lang ako pauwi sa kanya. Salamat, Kuya." Tango ko sa kanya at nakangiting inabot niya rin sa akin ang gamit ko.
"Ingat, Ma'am," he said, sabay baling kay Wyatt. "Sir, pakiingat si Ma'am, ah? Naku't talagang babaligtad sa galit si Zeijan kapag nasugatan iyang anak niya."
I felt Wyatt glancing at me, his stares felt like it's gaze through me kaya tumikhim ako.
"Si Kuya talaga..." tawag ko sa pansin ng guard, "sige, Kuya. Uuna na kami, ah?"
"Sige, Ma'am, ingat!" sumaludo pa siya at kaagad na kinuha ng kaibigan ang mga gamit ko at ipinasok sa loob ng kanyang sasakyan. He even opened the car door for me like a gentleman and it made me smile.
He's always caring.
I've known Wyatt for years now. He's my classmate in the last year in college and we became friends since then. He cared for me, he treated me like a friend—not just a daughter of a celebrity.
People on my college only wanted to be close to me because I am Alyx Sandejas' daughter and nothing else. They'd use me as a trophy friend pero kapag struggling ako sa steps, wala sila para tumulong at nagkakanya-kanyang grupo.
I wasn't fond of physical affection, I wasn't fond of having large circle of friends because I find it better when it's quiet and peaceful. I couldn't say I am independent because I'm not. Nakadepende pa rin ako sa parents ko, sa pamilya namin. Sa bestfriend kong si Adi, kay Wyatt.
He's the only person who showed me I could have friends like a normal person and I am grateful at that.
Nawala ang utak ko sa kwentuhan naming dalawa nang mapansing tinatahak na namin ang pamilyar na daan at maya-maya'y nasa tapat na kami ng village.
"Oh?" I uttered, "nandito na tayo?"
"Oo," tumawa siya at iniliko ang sasakyan. Hinarang muna kami ng guard para magtanong pero pinapasok din kaagad nang makita ako.
Nagtataka pa rin ako at may naiisip. Naihatid niya ako sa tapat pa mismo ng mansyon at pinagbuksan pa ako para makababa, pagkatapos ay kinuha ang gamit ko bago inabot sa akin.
"There, pasok ka na, Sib," he smiled. "Gabi na, oh. Kanina ka pa tine-text ng Dad mo, 'di ba?"
I nodded and checked my phone again. Nagpaalam ako para umalis na sana pero hindi matahimik ang isip ko kaya muli akong lumingon.
"Wyatt," I called. That's when he stopped from walking towards his car to look at me.
"Hmm?" he smiled.
"Uh, how did you know where our house is?" I asked, watching his face.
He was stunned. Natahimik siyang bigla pero biglang tumawa.
"Silly! You told me, remember?" pinaalala niya pero wala talaga akong maisip.
"I did?" I asked, natanto kong ngayon pa lang ako nagpahatid sa kanya sa buong pagkakaibigan namin dahil hatid-sundo ako ng sasakyan namin.
"Oo," he stood straight and put his hands on his pocket. "Noong nakaraang araw. We were talking about our houses and you happened to mention this exclusive village where you are living."
Napatango-tango ako, "I guess so? But how about the house?"
"You described it," seryosong sagot niya sa akin. "Large, white one. Sabi mo may gold outlines pa ang gate." Sabay turo niya sa gate namin kaya napabaling ako roon at napatango.
It has gold outlines. Yeah. I may have told him, right?
"What's with the look? You don't believe me?" he asked kaya mabilis akong umiling at natawa.
"No...no!" I shook my head, "I think I'm just having memory lapses? Gutom lang siguro kaya ulyanin na."
He smirked, nang maglakad siya paabante ay napaatras ako.
"Oh, why?" he looked shock upon asking that at doon ko lang natantong may nagawa kaya tumigil din.
"Nothing," I shook my head and smiled. "Ah, sige, una na ako sa loob, hmm?"
"Baka gusto mong kumain muna saglit sa labas?" he suddenly offered, "I know a perfect resto—"
"Dad's calling me," I lifted my phone and showed him. Kasabay noon ang pagbubukas ng gate ng bahay kaya napalingon kami at nakita si Kuya na lumalabas. Nakahubad pa ang pang-itaas, nakasabit ang shirt sa balikat at naka-bun ang buhok.
"Kuya!" I called and he looked at my direction.
"Pretty ghourl!" he called me back kaya napatawa na ako sabay baling kay Wyatt na nakatingin kay Kuya, wala na ang malambot na tingin at malamig na lang.
"Mukhang may bisita ka, ah?" Kuya said upon noticing Wyatt. Sinuot pa niya ang shirt bago lumapit sabay kuha ng mga dala-dala ko at tumabi. "Who are you?"
Wyatt cleared his throat, bring his smile back.
"Wyatt. Sibyl's friend. You're Zion, right? The racer?" he asked and Kuya nodded a little pero ang mata'y nang-uusyoso.
Hell, he's probably thinking it's my suitor or whatever. Parehas sila ni Daddy!
"Yeah. Nice meeting you. Hinatid mo pala ang kapatid ko—"
"Una na muna ako, Wyatt. I'll see you tomorrow?" putol ko bago pa man mag-eskandalo ang Kuya.
Wyatt's smile faded for a little before it returned and nodded.
"I see," he said and glanced at my brother again. "Nice meeting you, Zion. I took Sibyl home so she'd be safe. I think this won't be the last time we'll see each other again?" he offered him his hand.
"You bet," Kuya smirked, accepting his hand for a handshake at umakbay sa akin ang kapatid ko habang pinagmasdan ko si Wyatt nang makapasok na sa sasakyan hanggang sa makaalis.
"You know that man, Sib?" Kuya suddenly asked kaya ngumuso ako.
"He's a friend, don't overreact. Mamaya niyan mag-bend na kayo ni Daddy sa pagka-OA n'yo."
Humalakhak siya at ginulo ang buhok ko.
"Pinoprotektahan ka lang, kayo ni Zire. Alam mo namang sa ganda ng lahi natin maraming manliligaw sa inyo. Wala namang masama roon pero s'yempre, ang pinakamahalaga sa amin ang safety n'yo. Nakakainis na madaming nanliligaw pero sa kagandahang taglay n'yo 'di maiiwasan."
"I know, right?" I flipped my hair playfully kaya nagtawanan kaming dalawa.
"Ayon nga, ingat-ingat din. Alam mo namang sa sobrang perfect ng family natin maraming kaaway, 'di ba?" he asked, "you have to understand where dad and I are coming from. Hindi tayo sigurado sa kanila. Kaya nga 'yang si daddy may ready palaging baril—nga lang, fake madalas ang dala niya. Panakot daw."
"Silly," I hissed, "Wyatt's a friend, we've been friends for years."
"Oh? How come I didn't know him?"
"Aba, ewan ko sa 'yo?" I rolled my eyes.
"But do you trust him?" he asked, muling sumulyap sa daan kung nasaan nagmaneho si Wyatt. "He feels off."
"Tss, you are being paranoid," reklamo ko na. "He's a friend, okay? And kung may balak 'yan, edi sana noon pa? Ang tagal na naming magkaibigan?"
Napatango-tango siya, humawak pa sa ulo ko bago isuot sa balikat niya ang bag ko.
"Pero inferness, kilala ako. Sa bagay, agaw-pansin naman kasi talaga ang mukhang 'to. Mukhang super fan ko pa ata." Aniya at bumusangot na ako, pabirong sinapok na siya kaya humahalakhak siya pagpasok habang ako'y nakabusangot lang.
I trusted him, he's my friend for years and he cared for me. He showed me I could be friends with someone like a normal person. Na hindi ako kinakaibigan lang dapat dahil sikat at may kaya ang pamilya ko.
Our surname itself has a heavy toll and responsibility for me so being friends with him is my breather but it all crumbled down in just a snap.
I shouldn't have trusted so much. I shouldn't have let him in our home. Sana hindi ko ginawa kung ang kapalit noon ay ang kapahamakan sa pamilya ko.
The breather I am anticipating while being friends with him squeezed in. Ang maluwag na espasyo ng kaginhawaan ay naging masikip—sinasakal ako, kinukuha ang karapatan kong huminga. Ang liwanag ay kinain ng dilim at ang kalayaang gusto ay nawala, sa halip ay ginamit pa, sa sobrang pag-aasam ko nito na dahilan para ikulong ako sa sariling kulungan.
Blood splatters, screams, cries from my little sister while looking at the horrible sight. My father doing his best to fight those men with my mother protecting us—hugging us, shielding us from the bullets and my brother who ran to get and protect us.
One sound of a gunshot and he fell, ang dugo ay kumalat ang natulala ako, namamanhid habang nakatitig doon. Ang luha'y nahuhulog habang wala nang halos maramdaman.
"I-I'm s-sorry, Kuya," I cried loudly, "s-sorry... sorry... sorry!"
Napabalikwas ako sa kama, sapo-sapo ang dibdib at hilam ang pisngi sa luha ay dali-dali kong inabot ang phone para mag-text.
To: Kuya Gwapo
Kuya, good morning! How are you? Are you okay?
I was nervous while waiting for his replies and my phone beeped.
From: Kuya Gwapo
Hi, pretty ghourl! Good morning too! Ang aga namang maging sweet, ah? Haha! I'm fine, princess. Why do you ask?
Doon na lumuwag ang pakiramdam ko.
To: Kuya Gwapo
Nothing, I was just worried baka pumangit ka na :)
From: Kuya Gwapo
YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME! Pero I love you!!! Kumain ka ng marami, okay? Nakakabawas ng kagandahan kapag gutom. Bawasan din ang kape, okay?
To: Kuya Gwapo
K.
Ibinaba ko ang phone. Inihilamos ko ang mukha at pagod na tumayo mula sa kama para maligo at hinayaang ang tubig na nahuhulog mula sa shower na alisin ang mga iniisip.
I thought the day would be better but things came. Sa tawag na lang ako na-inform ni mama at papa na bumiyahe sila paputang Sydney para sa negosyo at pamamasyal na rin siguro. Biglaan din kaya 'di nakapagpaalam kaya mag-isa lang ako sa bahay.
Na naman. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit pero kung kailan sila nagkaedad atsaka naging Dora the Explorer kaya 'di na rin nakakagulat. Noon nga'y may mga family get together tapos malalaman naming nasa Greece na silang dalawa.
It's great anyway. I rarely see a love like my grandparents had. Pure, timeless, golden. They deserved the vacation and their love for each other.
"Don't worry, princess. We made sure the house helps will cook you foods and all. Ibinilin na rin kita kay Solomon." Papa Jer reminded me.
Humugot ako ng hininga at malantang naupo sa sofa pagkatapos ayusin ang ballet shoes na suot.
How could Sol check on me when he's back at school? Sino na kasama ko rito? Ayaw ko pa namang mag-isa sa ganitong kalaking bahay.
I can't go to the market since the workers are back from vacation at sila na ang bahala. Even Liza's with Sol in school so...
I pouted more and crossed my arms on my chest. My Daddy's been calling me a lot these days and when I said it's a lot. It is a lot. As in countless.
"Hello, Ma'am, nakalimutan kong sabihin may iniwan pala si Sol para sa 'yo," ani ni Mary na pumasok sa studio kaya nilingon ko na siya.
"What is it?" I asked curiously.
"Ah, turon po. Atsaka ginawan ka raw niya ng coffee shake, ito po." Inilapag niya ang hawak sa lamesa sa tabi ko. "Isa lang naman daw po ang klase niya at nandito na siya mamaya."
I nodded, tumitig ako sa pagkaing inilapag niya sa tabi ko at nakagat ang labi.
A soft smile played on my lips when I saw a small folded note near it so I took it.
Maaga akong uuwi, angel. Alam kong patay na patay ka sa 'kin pero sana h'wag mo ako masyadong ma-miss.
I stifled a laugh, "this idiot." Bulong ko sabay kuha ng shake at tikim no'n.
I asked Mary not to disturb me or not let anyone in while I'm practicing. I have read from my email earlier na months from now, an audition would take place for an international dance company and I am on the list for qualified dancers and I plan to try my luck.
No, I'll make sure I'll get in. Gusto kong ipakita pa ang talento hindi lang sa Pilipinas kung hindi sa mas malawak pang audience. I wanted to flex my talent, I wanted it to be known or maybe to inspire more people.
I did a quick warm up to make sure my body is well. I did some feet exercises at ang puhunan at buong buhay ko ay nasa mga paang ito.
A song from swan lake played and I puffed a relaxed sigh as I put both my feet flat on the floor first to start off before gently tilting it until my toes are pointed.
Inangat ko ang kamay ng marahan sa ere, kasabay ng mabagal na paggalaw ng paa pero nang marinig ang tamang indak ay bumilis iyon sabay angat ko ng isang paa sa ere.
My feet would move soft and quicker as the beat of the song intensifies. Every time the beat drops, I would move my hand flawlessly from side to side.
Ah... dancing. My escape.
My eyes are closed, smiling, I kept on moving my body—my pointed toes are the one giving support to my whole body. I did three perfect pirouette and felt satisfied.
Gracefully, I'd jump and sway my body and as the end of the song started approaching, my moves calmed down as if a swan settling herself in the warm lake underneath the setting sun.
Kasabay ng pagbaba ng kamay ko ay ang pagtapak ng talampakan sa lapag at sinalubong ng tingin ko ang kontentong itsura ko sa tapat ng salamin. May ngiti sa labi.
Dancing has always been my safe haven. If I'm stressed, I'll dance. Every sway and twirls could temporarily ease my worries away. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kung mawawala 'to.
I couldn't imagine a life without dancing. I never could.
Nawala lang ang momentum ko nang makarinig ng ingay na parang tumama. My forehead creased, mabilis akong lumingon pero natigilan nang makitang wala naman.
"Who the hell is that?" I asked coldly when I realized the door's open and yet, no one is there—or someone must've peeked.
I already told Mary about this!
Walang sumagot kaya mas kumunot ang noo ko.
"Who is it?" I asked, nagiging iritado na. "How many times do I have to say I don't want anyone disturbing me—"
Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan nang muling sumilip at nakita ko kung sino iyon.
"A-Ate, s-sorry po..."
"Fritz?" I called, shocked at unti-unti'y mas pumasok siya sa studio, yakap-yakap pa 'yong biik.
"U-Uh," she looked so shy, "w-watch lang po sana kami mag-dance ikaw. Sorry po, Ate. 'Di ko po alam na bawal po magsilip—"
"No, it's okay," mabilis akong tumango at kumurap-kurap, halos sampalin na ang bibig na walang pasensya. "Come here, you can watch."
She was hesitant, gumalaw-galaw pa sa braso niya 'yong biik kaya kumunot ang noo ko.
"Is that biik clean?" I asked out of nowhere.
"Ah, opo," she nodded. "Papaligo po namin siya ni Kuya Sol po, Ate."
I nodded a little and stared at the piglet going down her arms to run towards me kaya halos mapasigaw ako sa gulat nang dumating iyon sa paa ko at inilapit ang katawan niya.
"Hala, Pookie!" Fritz called, "h'wag ikaw makulit! Tara, uuwi na tayo! Nagsasayaw si Ate!" she ran towards the pig.
"No, no, it's okay..." I said, staring at the pig who then calmed down and rested its body just beside my feet.
"Hoy, Pookie," I called. Napatawa pa ako nang inangat no'ng biik 'yong mukha niya sabay amoy-amoy kaya marahan kong ibinaba ang katawan para abutin 'yong biik.
Hesitant pa nga ako noong una pero nang matantong kalmado lang ang baboy ay ngumuso ako at ngumiti sabay haplos doon.
"It's calm, ah?" sulyap ko kay Fritz na nahihiyang ngumiti sa akin sabay tango.
"Opo, sasanay po siya sa tao, Ate." Aniya sa akin kaya tumango ako.
I left the pig where it is, kinuha ko ang alcohol ko para mag-sanitize ng kamay bago tinawag si Fritz na lumapit sa akin.
She's wearing a cute pink dress and flats. Naka-ponytail pa ang buhok niya at habang nakatitig ay pakiramdam ko'y nakikita ko si Sol sa kanya.
It's like she's the girl and mini version of Sol. They looked really alike.
Of course, Sib. They're siblings. Obviously, right?
"Kumain ka na?" I asked.
She nodded, her hand's still on her back.
"Opo, Ate. Sorry po nagsisilip po kami ni Pookie, galing po kasi ikaw mag-dance. Sobra po."
Seeing the adoration on the little girl's eyes made my heart soften. I know how one's eyes sparks with hope and adoration. I know how eyes sparks for the dreams you wanted so bad to achieve because I have the same ones.
"Thank you, Fritz," marahang sinabi ko. "You wanna join? You can watch everytime if you like. It's okay. Medyo may pagkainitin lang ng ulo si Ate Sib pero hindi naman ako galit kanina."
"Ate? H'wag ka po gagalit, ah?" nag-aalangan siyang tumingin sa akin. "Gusto lang po kita panoorin sa sayaw po, hindi po ako magulo o makulit. Behave lang po ako."
I stared at her and she was one of the purest souls I'd ever met. Malambing ang mata niyang may halong itim at tsokolate kapag tititigan. Mapula ang pisngi at inosente man ay kitang-kita ang determinasyon sa mukha.
The fuck are you doing, Sibyl? Why did you spit those words to innocent kids?
"Fritz, I'm sorry," I uttered, seeing how her eyes grew wider.
"Po? Bakit po ikaw nag-so-sorry, Ate?" she asked, "ako po dapat kasi makulit po ako—"
"Come here, baby," marahang tinapik ko ang hita at nahihiyang lumapit siya sa akin. I helped her up and put her on my lap sideways before looking at her eyes.
"I'm sorry for what I said before, remembered when you practiced ballet with the kids?" I asked, "when I called you out and said dancing is n-not..." parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko. "N-not for you?"
The lone expression on her eyes made me feel so bad about my attitude. Parang lahat ata ng sama ng loob sinalo ko no'ng araw na 'yon.
Naramdaman ko ang pagtusok ng maliliit na karayom sa dibdib habang inaalala ang mga nagawa.
If you are angry or if the world turned its back on you, it never justified you getting angry at other people who did nothing to you.
"W-wala po ikaw kasalanan, Ate," she shook her head, "h-hindi naman po talaga ako galing mag-dance."
"W-What?" I asked, "n-no, Fritz, no! You are great, okay?" I cupped her cheek.
"Sabi po ng classmates ko po, Ate, pangit daw po ako mag-dance." She said, "nahuhuli raw po ako sa steps, Ate, tapos po minsan nagda-drop na lang po ako sa floor."
"What? Why?" kumunot ang noo ko.
"May sakit po ako, Ate, 'yong parang bigla pong nag-nginig po 'yong katawan?" she murmured, "palagi nga po ako nasa hospital kaya po si Kuya Sol hindi po nag-study kasi po babayad siya ng hospital ko."
Fuck you, Sibyl.
Bulong ng isip ko sa akin habang nakikinig ako kay Fritz, hindi alam kung bakit pero nangingilid ang luha.
"You have epilepsy?" I asked and she nodded at me shyly.
"O-opo, Ate. Kaya nga po 'di ako magaling. Sabi ko nga po kay Kuya h'wag na niya ako isama sa sayaw-sayaw kaso makulit po siya. Si Mama Lena po, Ate, sinama ako sa foundation n'yo po kaya medyo marunong na po pero 'di po ako magaling."
"You are a great dancer, Fritz," I stared off and she looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Alam mo ba no'ng araw na 'yon, ikaw lang 'yong batang nakita kong sobrang focus sa ginagawa. Every kid were there to have fun and that's not a bad thing pero ikaw? You went there to learn."
"Ate..." she blinked her eyes, "pero 'di po ako makasabay."
"Practice makes perfect, Fritz," I murmured, "you were there to learn, to practice. Hindi 'yon competition at hindi ka man makasabay sa una, ayos lang dahil napag-aaralan iyan. Ako ang mali roon, Fritz. You know, you don't need to understand Ate Sib's reason because what I did was unreasonable but I am wrong. Mabilis na uminit ang ulo ko, mabilis na mairita sa bagay na hindi perpekto at hindi nasusunod na nakalimutan ko na gano'n din ako..."
"Ate, why po ikaw nag-cry?" I froze when she touched my cheek at doon ko lang naramdaman ang basa roon. "Gagalit po si Kuya kapag nag-iyak po ikaw."
"I'm o-okay," I helped her dry my tears. "Ako rin kasi, Fritz, hindi ako marunong dati. Noong nag-uumpisa si Ate? Noong maliit pa ako kagaya sa 'yo? Madalas din ako nahuhulog."
"Talaga po?" her eyes twinkled.
"Opo," I nodded and smiled at her, "but everytime I'll fall, I won't let it like that. Sa bawat pagsayaw ko tapos natutumba, nadadapa at nahuhulog ako—tatayo ako ulit tapos kahit balik sa umpisa, kahit paulit-ulit. Kahit nakakapagod na, sasayaw pa rin."
Her eyes brightened and yet, there are still tears in it.
"Pero may s-sakit po ako, Ate. Ayaw ko pong mahulog ako ulit sa lapag po tapos dadalhin ako sa ospital ni Kuya. Late po si Kuya nag-aral kasi po napupunta sa akin 'yong money po na ipo n-niya. G-gusto ko po aaral lang si Kuya, a-ayaw kong tigil siya para sa 'kin..."
Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa naririnig kaya ngumiti ako sa kanya.
"I'll help you, hmm?" I hummed, "you shouldn't stop dancing because of your sickness, you shouldn't stop doing what you like because of what other people tells you."
Wow, Sibyl. What a great advice and yet, you can't apply it to yourself.
"Mali ako, Fritz. Hindi totoong hindi para sa 'yo ang pagsasayaw. Dancing chose you, Fritz and no matter what people say. No matter what people like me say, h'wag kang maniniwala kasi walang mas nakakaalam ng kakayahan mo ng lubos kung hindi ikaw sa sarili mo."
"A-Ate..." mas nahulog ang luha ko nang umiyak na siya, "s-salamat po, A-ate. I-idol po kita, galing mo po mag-dance, Ate."
"T-thank you too, Fritz," I whispered. Mabilis ko siyang hinila para sa yakap at halik sa ulo niya. "You m-made me realize w-what kind of person I turned myself i-into."
Hindi ko aakalaing magiging malapit pa ako sa isang bata pwera na lang sa kapatid ko. Well, Zire isn't exactly a child now but hindi kasi ako mapaglapit sa ibang tao—lalo na ngayon.
Pwera na lang siguro kung kamag-anak ko. Gustong-gusto ko kasing magpaiyak ng bata. I don't like the noise but hearing them crying because I was such a bitch is entertaining. Well, I love them nonetheless.
"Here, hold this," sabi ko kay Fritz at pinapahawak siya sa metal sa side para mai-balance niya ang sarili. We've been here for an hour now and I was teaching her ways to help her body weight since ballet is a dance of coordination and balance. Once you messed up in one, you'll mess everything up.
I asked Fritz to changed her clothes to her ballerina ones so she'd enjoy our mini practice and here she is now, looking so pretty and bubbly at the same time.
"Ganito po, Ate?" she asked and I smiled and nodded, didn't know why but I think I got a bit more patience now than what I had before.
I can't stand teaching others. Ayaw ko ng paulit-ulit kaya nga kapag practice, mas gusto kong ako lang mag-isa ang nagkakabisado ng akin dahil magaling ako at mabilis magkabisa ng formation kaya sa actual kapag magkakasama kami, mabilis akong nakakasabay dahil alam ko na.
Isa pa, sa sobrang kakulitan ni Sol ay baka nga dahil do'n kaya medyo humaba ang pasensya ko't hindi na siya nakakaltukan pa.
"And then lower your feet," I instructed and she did. "To the left..." turo ko at doon din siya gumalaw, "and right."
"Great!" I cheered, "now, can you do it continuously?"
She nodded, she looked so shy at first but I showed her a smile and raised my hand to show her she could do it and she did—not professionally but good for her age.
Silly, Sibyl. How do you expect children to do stunts flawlessly when grown adults find it hard to do at times.
Naguguluhan siya sa direksyon kaya itinuro ko sa kanya paano niya mas maaalala at nang medyo nakuha niya 'yon at 'tsaka kami nagdesisyong magpahingang dalawa.
I took Pookie on my lap. This piglet's cute I admit, I can imagine dresses to make her wear nan ga kaya habang nagpapahinga kami ni Fritz ay kausap ko si Ate Crest at nagtatanong kung possible ba niya akong tahian ng damit nitong baboy.
"Thank you po, Ate, sa pagturo sa akin po!" I smiled heartily when I heard Fritz. Naupo siya sa may lapag at inabot din si Pookie na feel na feel kakahiga sa hita ko at natutulog na.
"Welcome, Fritz. You can always come here to watch and I'll teach you more if you like?"
"Talaga po?!" her eyes twinkled. "Yehey! Tuturo ako mag-dance ng idol ko! P'wede po kita tawag po Ate na teacher?"
"Sure! You're teacher's scholar," I winked again. She screamed in glee.
She even stood, wiggled her small body cutely and I giggled, amused and happy seeing her with such genuine happiness.
"It's an honor teaching such talented kid, I know you'll be someone great when you grow up. Just keep the determination going, don't give up. You may stumble and fall, Fritz, but stand and dance again."
Her eyes twinkling while listening attentively, "yes po!"
She sat beside me after, petting the sossy piglet while iwas fixing the small ribbon on her neck.
"I'm glad you learned dancing, Fritz. I rarely see kids into ballet bukod sa foundation na mga bata."
"Galing po kasi mag-dance si Kuya Sol, Ate!" aniya kaya natigilan na ako at gulat siyang hinarap.
"Really?! Solomon's dancing?!"
"Opo! 'Di mo po alam?" I shook my head, "ah! Baka hiya lang po si Kuya pero galing po siya mag-dance! Minsan mo kapag may dance number po sa school po si Kuya Sol ang nagturo sa kanila mag-dance!"
Wow... I grinned.
"What is he dancing, darling?" hinaplos ko ang pisngi ni Fritz para hawiin ang buhok na nahulog doon.
"Hindi po siya ballet, Ate, pero po parang 'di ko po alam tawag po, Ate. Pero po parang uso po 'yong kanta?"
"Oh? Hip hop dancing?" I asked and when she nodded, my smile widened.
I always loved trying to dance hip hop. I actually know how, madalas kasi si Kuya Zy na nakikigamit ng studio ko sa bahay at napapanuod ko siyang nagbibiro pa minsan pero magaling naman.
I just don't show them, pretending I'm not into dancing that genre and loved only ballet but it's not the truth. I know a lot of genres, ballet, contemporary, jazz, even hip hop but I'm shy letting them see since I grew up only with ballet.
Unknowingly, I have learned to dance various genres. Not that great since it's self-taught but tolerable. I believe dancing is a form of universal language. It speaks, it's freedom and peace. Everyone can learn it if they wanted.
"Why ka po nag-smile, Ate?"
"Nothing," I chuckled, "I'm just imagining your brother dancing..."
And oh, I bet it's hot.
"Magaling siya, Ate! Promise! Nagsisigaw nga po ang mga girls kapag si Kuya!"
Nagsalubong bigla ang kilay ko, "sinong mga babae?"
"Po?" she asked, confused. I suddenly realized my sharp tone kaya napatikhim at umiling.
"Nothing, uhm... are your parents good with dancing? Kasi nagmana kayo ni Kuya Sol?"
"'Di ko alam po, Ate, eh." She smiled, "'di ko po kasi kita na si Mama po atsaka si Papa. 'Di na po inabot ko. Sabi po ni Nanay atsaka Kuya po nasa heaven na sila..."
"Oh..." I nodded, my forehead creasing, a bit confused.. "Sorry for asking, baby."
"Okay lang po, Ate. Ang mahalaga nand'yan naman po si Nanay tapos po si Kuya Sol po. Love na love po nila ako, si Kuya nga po hindi nag-study para sa ospital ko kaya dapat po galing ako sa school. Atsaka bata pa po si Kuya Sol no'ng napunta sa heaven sina Mama at Papa kaya siya na po ang Papa ko."
"Hmm... how old are you again?"
"Six!" she grinned and showed me her fingers.
I remembered Sol's story. Bata pa raw siya no'ng nawala ang parents nila then, maybe Fritz's still little when they got into an accident.
"Anyway, bakit mo nga pala dala-dala itong si Pookie?" sabay hawak ko sa ulo ng baboy.
"Ah! Anak 'yan po ng alagang baboy ni Kuya na binenta po para sa ospital! Si Mikkie! Kaya po name niya si Pookie."
Napatawa akong malakas at umiling-iling, naalala ko tuloy iyong mga aso namin dati. Si Didith at Dudut. Kaso, unfortunately, tumanda sila at nawala. We buried them in Tito Dash's mini dog cemetery.
"Ate, okay lang po ba na uwi po muna ako bahay baka po hahanap ako ni Nanay! Okay lang po ba if dito muna si Pookie? Balikan ko po mamaya," paalam niya.
"Sure," I smiled. "Dahan-dahan lang sa pagbaba ng hagdan at madulas. Humawak sa gilid, ah? H'wag tatakbo."
"Opo!" she chirped and I smiled while watching her ran away to go home.
I chuckled. I like that kid. So adorable.
Pinakialaman ko ang biik na gising na, bilog na bilog at cute. Malinis nga kaya napataawa ako at kinuha ang tape measure ni Mama Lena para sukatin ang katawan.
"Dapat medyo maluwag," I said while the pig's being its malikot self on the floor. "Lalaki ka rin naman kaya kahit dalawa lang—"
"At bakit mo naman sinusukatan ang baboy?" I almost fell flat on the floor when I heard a voice, napasigaw pa ako't paglingon ay nandoon si Solomon at nakasandal sa may pintuan ko, nanunuod.
"You are creepy," irap ko sa hangin sabay tingin sa baboy pero ngumiwi lang nang wala na sa harapan ko. "Wala na, sinusukatan ko nga 'yong biik! Umaalis tuloy, ikaw kasi!"
He laughed and walked towards me. He looked somehow new now that his hair's freshly shaved on each side and a bit spiky and messy on the top.
Wearing his usual red shirt and black pants, nakapamulsa pa at may bag sa may balikat.
"Ano 'yan? Back to school outfit?" I asked and stood, naglakad ako pabalik sa sofa para mag-alcohol at napanguso nang tamad niya akong inabot sabay yakap sa baywang at tago ng mukha sa leeg.
"Na-miss kita, anghel ko," bulong-bulong niya.
"OA," I whispered. "We've seen each other last night and you just went to class for just a few hours. Akala ko ba ako 'yong miss na miss ka? Eh, mukhang ikaw naman ang patay na patay sa kagandahan ko?"
I sniffed his cologne and felt like a teenager feeling giddy all over.
"Hindi, ah," bulong niya. "Ikaw kaya nanligaw sa ating dalawa."
"Ang kapal ng mukha!" nilingon ko na siya para awayin pero saktong paglingon ko ay sinadya pa ng loko na hulihin ang labi ko sa halik.
"Ano b-ba, Sol," reklamo ko nan ang lumayo sa kanya pero ngumisi lang siya sabay hawak sa akin paharap at haplos sa buhok ko.
"Sorry, ayaw mo bang hinahalikan kita?" he asked me, removing a strand from my falling hair.
"H'wag mo kasi 'kong binibigla," reklamo ko na.
"Ay, gano'n?" humalakhak siya, "paano 'yon, papaalam ako sa 'yo?"
"Oo, para ano...para ready ako lumaban," bulong ko pa, nag-iinit ang pisngi nang pinisil niya ang baywang ko sabay hila pa palapit sa akin sa katawa niya.
"Okay, can I kiss you then, angel?" I lifted my head to stare at his eyes and gulped.
"K." Tipid kong sambit, balak sanang magtaray pero nawala lahat ng pagtataray ko nang muli niyang inilapit ang mukha sa akin.
A peck should be enough but it wasn't for me.
"You smelled great, kumain ka na? Lutuan kita," bulong niya sa labi ko pero dali-dali ko lang hinatak ang batok niya palapit sa akin hanggang sa magkahugapo nang muli ang mga labi.
Our lips are connected, sa bawat pisil niya sa baywang ko ay siya ring paglabas ng malamyos na ungol sa labi ko. I hugged his nape and kissed him sensually on the lips. I was the first one to make a move and bit his lower lip so he'd let me in.
I tasted every corner of his mouth, mint mixing with coffee. Parang gusto kong maadik sa lasang iyon at mas idinikit pa sa kanya ang dibdib hanggang sa maghiwalay na kami.
He placed his forehead on mine as I hugged his nape.
"Fuck, angel," he whispered after some time of breathless breathing. "W-we can't..."
"Why?" antok pa ata ako nang titigan ko ang mata niya.
"Papaalam pa ako sa Daddy mo," he whispered, "alam mo namang tropa ko 'yang si Pareng Zeijan pero mapuputulan ako ng paa kapag nalaman niyang niligawan ako ng pretty ghourl niya—"
I bumped my head against his and frowned.
"Napakakapal ng mukha," I roared when he laughed, "akala mo naman siya hindi gusto! Ayaw mo lang aminin na nabihag ka ng alindog ko—"
"Gusto nga sabi kita," natulos ako sa narinig mula sa mga labi niya.
"H-Huh?"
"H-Huh?" he mimicked, "asus, ang Sibyl na 'yan, kunwari walang narinig. Ilang beses ko bang uulit sa 'yong gusto kita?"
"You... liked me?" ulit ko pa, nangingiti na pero sa totoo'y gusto lang na naririnig iyon sa kanya.
"Oo," he nodded, "dati pa. Mailap ka lang kasi talaga."
"Dati?" I inquired, "what do you mean—"
"Wala," he kissed me on the forehead, "bihis ka muna, kain tayo sa bahay."
"Sa bahay n'yo?" namilog ang mata ko at tumingala para mas makita ang mukha niya.
"Oo," he nodded, "galing ako ro'n, sabi ni Nanay magluluto siya at isama raw kita."
"O-Oh," I snapped. "Alright! Perhaps, d-did she know we're...?"
"Oo, alam niya," he grinned, "hindi naman ako makakapagsinungaling kay Nanay. Atsaka gusto ka niyang makilala."
My heart pounded nervously, "is it okay with her? I m-mean, na g-girlfriend mo 'ko? Okay lang bang sumama ako?"
"Bakit naman hindi?" he raised his brow.
Muli ko tuloy naalala iyong doon sa palengke noon.
"Kasi 'di ba, 'yong sa palengke?" I remembered her grandma's face. "O k-kaya kung bakit hindi iba 'yong girlfriend mo? Kung bakit ako—"
"Bakit hindi ikaw?" he asked me back, leaving me definitely tongue-tied and blushing hard.
"You got into a fight last time because of me, of course, her impression on me might be bad kasi ako..."
"Excited 'yong makita ka," he said, "come on, Sib, why do you always have judgment to yourself?"
"What do you mean?" my forehead creased.
"Hindi mo lang siguro pansin pero napapansin ko sa 'yo, madalas kang ganyan. Iniisip mo hindi mo deserve ang ibang bagay ng mayro'n na nasa sa iyo ngayon. Kapag masaya ka bigla mong papawiin, kapag nakangiti ka bigla kang sisimangot. Mahilig ka sa sobra kahit hindi ka naman talaga masaya. Madalas, sa sobrang kagustuhan mo ng mas, 'yong mga dumadaan sa 'yo hindi mo na napagtutuunan."
I sighed, when Sol offered me his arms, I crawled in it like a baby and rested my head on his chest.
"B-Baka nagdadalawang-isip ka lang, sigurado ka bang gusto mo 'ko? Hindi naman kita pinipilit, ah? Kung ayaw mo sa 'kin sabihin mo lang," hindi ko alam kung bakit hinang-hina ako ng sabihin 'yon.
Parang ayaw kong marinig na ayaw niya sa 'kin...parang 'di ko kakayanin.
"Gusto kita, Sibyl Timothea. Ako ba hindi mo gusto?" he reached for my chin and tilted my head up until we're staring at each other.
I bit my lower lip, kalmadong-kalmado ang pakiramdam sa kabila ng hataw sa dibdib.
"I..." I gulped.
"I?" he inquired and brushed his soft lips against mine, "I what, Sib? Gusto mo rin ba ako kasi ako..." muli niya akong hinalikan ng marahan, halos 'di ko na maramdaman, "ako gustong-gusto kita, parang gago kasi ang bilis pero ang ginhawa ng pakiramdam ko sa 'yo kahit masungit ka."
"Insulto ba 'yan?" bulong kong natatawa.
"Hindi," he grinned, "fact kasi 'yon, Sib. Kagaya ng katotohanang ikaw ang nanligaw sa akin—"
"I like you too!" I snapped, my cheeks blushing so hard as I stared at his shock face. "I-I'm comfortable with you. H-hindi ka man kagwapuhan pero p-pwede na."
"Anak ng Pookie," tinuro niya ang inosenteng biik na natigil kakaikot, "kinikilig na ako tapos biglang..." he glared at me and I giggled a little and jumped on his nape to give him a hug.
"Tss, swerte mo patay na patay ako sa 'yo," he whispered and dropped his bag so he could hold me more. "Pero nakakatuwa naman—he kissed the tip of my nose—dati lang halos buhusan mo 'ko ng alcohol tapos ngayon sobrang clingy mo pala. Tarsier 'yan?"
"You idiot..." I spat and smacked his arm. Napatili ako nang basta niya lang akong iniangat kaya naipatong ko ang paa sa kanya at napatawa dahil naglakad siya habang nakatapak ako roon sa paa niya.
"Nakakagulat lang kasi Miss Sweet Lips, hindi ko akalaing magiging ganito tayo kalapit. Sino ba naman ako? Ako lang naman ang pinakagwapo sa Sta. Monica."
"You could easily pass as Dad's long-lost son," I pointed out, "'di kaya ikaw ang totoong Sandejas?"
Humalakhak siya, "hindi, pareho lang kami gwapo ni Sir pero ikaw 'yong Sandejas pero 'di naman na tatagal 'yon."
"Huh?"
"Gagawin natin 'yang Alejo," sabay niya kaya natulala ako, napaigik pa ng basta na lang hinawakan sa baywang at buhat ng kaunti hanggang sa nakahiga na ako sa sofa at nakaluhod siya sa may gilid ko.
"P-Puro ka kalokohan, Solomon," reklamo ko, nag-iinit na ang pisngi.
"Anong loko?" he chuckled, mas lumuhod siya sa may sofa hanggang sa nasa ibabaw ko na siya, ipinapatong pa ang braso sa gilid ng ulo ko. "Palabiro at gwapo lang ako pero kapag may gusto ako gagawin ko 'yon."
"You mean if time comes, you'll marry m-me?" I never imagined myself asking that but he nodded.
"Oo, pero s'yempre hindi pa ngayon. Kapag dumating ang panahon at gusto mo pa rin ako. Aayain kita magpakasal kapag tayo pa rin kapag may ibubuga na ako."
"What do you mean?"
"Magtatapos ako ng pag-aaral tapos mag-iipon ako. Pangarap ko mapatayuan ng malaking bahay sina Nanay tapos gumaling na si Fritz, kapag okay na 'yon, mag-iipon ako para may ipagmamalaki ako sa 'yo at sa pamilya mo."
"They weren't like that," I said, "ako pa siguro may pagkamatapobre pero sina Mommy hindi," umiling ako.
"Kahit na, gusto ko kaya ko kayong buhayin ng mga anak natin. Gusto ko hindi magiging issue sa atin ang pera kasi may sapat ako para buhayin kayo."
"Hmm, but I don't want kids, Sol," I sulked. Iniyakap ko ang braso ko sa batok niya habang naroon siya sa ibabaw ko.
"Ayaw mo?" he asked, quite shocked kaya tumango ako.
Saglit siyang natitigilan at napatitig sa akin, binabasa ang reaksyon ko.
"Kids are annoying and loud," I murmured.
"Paano si Fritz, ayaw mo?" he asked, "kunwari... uh, ako ang mag-aalaga sa kanya hanggang sa lumaki siya. Alam naman nating matanda na si Nanay." he moistened his lower lip while staring at me.
"Why not? Fritz is a great kid, I like her so much. Atsaka ikaw naman na talaga ang dapat umalalay sa kapatid mo habang lumalaki. Wala na kayong parents at ikaw ang tumayong magulang niya, I have no worries."
"Pero sabi mo ayaw sa bata?" nabakas ko ang kung ano sa mata niya, he might be thinking I can't like Fritz but he's wrong.
I like Solomon, so so much and I like Fritz, too. He kept on calling me angel but it's the other way around. I'm that demon and he's that angel who opened the door for me.
"Hindi naman sa ayaw talaga pero 'di kasi ako magaling mag-alaga. I can't still imagine bearing a child or something like that? I have witnessed how hard it is to be pregnant and raise a kid. of course, I admire people who raised kids knowing how challenging it is. Personal thing lang. I just can't seem to see myself as a mother to a child." I confessed, watching his reaction to see if he'd like it but what he said next surprised me.
"Okay, no kids," he nodded, "masaya naman 'yon kahit tayong dalawa lang. Ako na lang gawin mong baby."
"Wow, that's new," my forehead creased, "I thought you'd like kids."
"Gusto ko, oo, pero kung ayaw mo nirerespeto ko 'yon." He answered me back.
My lip twitched.
"Atsaka tama ka, mahirap magpalaki ng bata. Kung nakita mo lang kung gaano kakulit si Fritzy," natawa siyang mahina. "pero ayos lang sa 'yo si Fritz?"
"Uh-hmm, I like Fritzy. Great kid, talented and smart. Chef's kiss." I grinned and showed how chef's kiss was. Mas lumambing ang tingin niya. "I don't mind having her around with Pookie. I have a lot of things to teach her. Pero hindi si Fritz ang usapan natin ngayon, Sol, I have a question.
I decided to challenge him more, "isn't it great having kids? Bakit okay lang sa 'yo na ayaw ko? Of course, you'd like someone to bear your name."
"Ang pag-aanak desisyon 'yan, hindi naman namimilit ang mga anak na ipagbuntis mo sila. It happened because you did things and you should be responsible for it. Desisyon iyon, kapag pinili mong magkaanak, kailangan ay handa kang tustusan sila simula bata hanggang sa kayanin na nilang tumayo sa sariling paa." His tone's positive and courage.
I hid my smile to hide my admiration.
"Paano kapag hindi expected ang anak? Na hindi plinano pero dumating? In that case, hindi ba ang mga anak ang dapat magtataguyod sa magulang paglaki para thank you kasi pinalaki sila?" I raised my brow, anticipating his answer.
"Did they asked to be born?" that thick accent made me shiver but I wanted to tease him and hear his interesting mindset.
I shrugged, "maybe?" I teased, enjoying how his face crumpled.
"Mali," pinitik niya ang noo ko. "Ang magulang ay nagdesisyong mag-anak kaya sila ang tataguyod sa mga anak nila. Ginusto nila iyon kaya karapatan ng mga anak ang magkaroon ng edukasyon at kung kaya ay magandang buhay at ang kasunod no'n, mapag-uusapan iyan—it's better if you would help your parents if you could pero hindi ka nanganak para lang gawin silang charity case paglaki."
"Then how about those people saying na...kami nga noon nahirapan mag-aral tapos kayo pasarap? Kami nga noon mas mahirap or something?" I inquired.
"Isn't that the parent's number one goal?" he asked, "to give their children a better life than theirs?"
"Oh..." I bit my lip to suppress my smiles.
"Aksidente man o planado, hindi responsibilidad ng mga bata na magkaroon ng utang na loob sa mga taong responsibilidad na bigyan sila ng magandang buhay at kinabukasan," aniya at marahang inilagay ang buhok ko sa likod ng tainga ko.
"S'yempre, hindi tayo dapat tamad. Kailangang nagsisikap din tayo pero bilang magulang, ang hangad mo ay ang mas magandang buhay sa mga anak mo para 'di nila maranasan ang naranasan mo noon. If your mindset would be stuck in the one—na mas magaling ka kasi mas nahirapan ka at dapat gano'n din ang anak mo then what's the point of bearing kids, right? It's not that they begged you to be born, you decided you'd want a child so work on giving them a bright future."
Oh, I like you so damn much, Solomon. You know what made you more handsome, baby? Your mindset.
"Then, it's okay if ayaw kong magkaanak tayo?"
"Okay lang," muli siyang dumukwang hanggang sa kalahati na ng katawan niya ay nakapatong sa akin. "It's not a woman's responsibility to bear a child. That's your body and decision, hawak mo 'yan. Hindi ng ibang tao."
I couldn't hide my smile anymore. Hinila ko ang batok ni Sol para magpatak ng halik bago siya muling titigan.
"You know what, baby?" I called.
"Hmm?" he hummed, his lazy and sleepy soulful orbs stared back at me.
"You are so sexy," I bit my lip, "would you like to marry me?"
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