Kabanata 24
Kabanata 24
It's funny how falling in love literally means the name itself, falling. Mahuhulog na walang kasiguraduhan. Mahirap sa pagbagsak, hindi ka sigurado kung masasalo ka o mahuhulog ng tuluyan at masasaktan.
But the thing was, no one forced you to fall in love. You just felt like it, you just fell and loving, for me was about protecting those people. Protecting them not just from other people but also protecting them from myself.
If I have to cut a piece of me just to fill the pain I've caused Sol, I would. Mahal na mahal ko siya at kung ang tanging paraan para maprotektahan ko sila ni Fritzy ay ang paglayo, walang pagdadalawang-isip na gagawin ko 'yon.
Kahit mahirap. Kahit masakit.
Him denying me in front of Barbara was painful, I'm not a hypocrite not to say it isn't but I don't blame him. He did the right thing.
He should distance himself for a trouble like me. I won't do him good.
Nagulat si Barbara sa sagot ng huli, halatang hindi inaasahan ang sagot nito pero matapos no'n ay natahimik siya't hindi nanggulo. I can still see her checking us out from time to time looking for opportunity to ruin my name and Sol's and I won't give her a chance to.
Matagal ng pangarap ni Sol ang umangat at mabigyan ng magandang buhay si Fritzy. It's always been his dream and I won't take it away from him. I will protect him just so he could have it.
Solomon deserved it. He worked hard for this pero kahit naman natahimik na si Barbara ay hindi ibig sabihing titigilan niya kami. As long as I'm near Sol, trouble would come for him.
I don't have the heart to witness that.
"Sorry, Hen, but can I leave first? Medyo hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko, eh."
"Hmm?" sumulyap siya sa orasan, "alright, let me take you—"
"Ayos lang. I can hail a cab to the hotel."
"I insist," umiling siya at inilahad ang kamay. "I'm getting bored, anyway. Let me take you back, on the way na rin naman ang hotel."
I smiled and thanked him. Kinuha ko ang nakalahad niyang kamay at saglit na napasulyap kung nasaan si Sol.
Our eyes met. His eyes fell on my hand on Henry's then looked away, his jaw clenching.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at dumiretso na lang kasama si Henry nang humarang si Liza sa akin.
"Saan ka, friend?" takang tanong niya sabay sulyap kay Henry na katabi ko at taas ng kilay.
"Medyo masama kasi ang pakiramdam ko, Liza," I smiled at her. "Mauuna na ako pabalik sa hotel, ayos lang ba?"
Her eyes widened, suddenly worried.
"Talaga?" inabot niya ang leeg ko at dinama. "Wala ka namang lagnat pero sige, go lang. Mamaya pa kasi kami ni Sol, two hours pa siguro bago matapos ang event. May sasakyan ka ba? Walang maghahatid sa 'yo. Teka, sabihin ko kay Sol..."
"No!" I panicked. "I mean, I don't wanna bother him. Don't worry, Henry will take me back to the hotel. It's on his way naman, I'll be alright." I smiled and moved a bit to hug my friend who gasped, hugging me back.
"Oh, okay," her voice softened. "Nakakagulat naman ang yakap mo, friend. Balik kami mamaya kaagad, hmm? H'wag kang mag-alala dadalhan ka namin ni Boss ng maraming pagkain, tapos movie marathon tayo!"
I closed my eyes and nodded, feeling the pain lingering inside my chest.
I'm sorry, friend...
"S-Sure," I nodded, squeezing her tight. "It was nice meeting you again. Thank you for everything, Liza."
Her eyes softened as she stared at me when I pulled away.
"Mabilis lang kami, friend, promise." She reassured, her eyes gentle. "Antayin mo kami, ah?"
I just smiled, took a short pause to glance at Sol again who obviously is watching over me with his hawk-eyes at para mapigil ang luhang paamba ay nag-iwas ako kaagad.
I was silent while we're on the way back to the hotel. I was thankful to Henry for not pressing me out about it. Siguro ay nakuha niya ang dahilan kung bakit ako ganito katahimik.
"Thanks, Hen," I kissed his cheek when I went out of the car.
"No worries, Sib," he gave me a handsome smile but his eyes are worried. "Are you okay? Or do you need anything—"
"You did too much for me." Umiling ako sa kanya, "I appreciate it, Hen. Thank you. I guess I'm seeing you around?"
"Dinner?" he teased, lifting his brow.
"Dinner," I nodded and gave him a small hug.
Hinatid pa niya ako hanggang sa entrance ng hotel at nang tuluyan na siyang mawala ay napawi ang maliit na ngiti sa labi ko.
Feeling down and pained, I made my way back to the hotel room. I have my keycard with me and luckily, I did not unpack my things kaya hindi na ako nahirapan.
I stripped off my clothes and chose to wear a comfy dress and boots before taking a piece of paper and wrote in it.
Hi, Sol!
It was nice seeing you and Liza again! I wasn't expecting to see you and Liza, I got mixed emotions but mostly, I was glad. And proud. For the both of you. I hope you did well for the past years, our parting wasn't great but thank you for staying casual and good to me. I heard Fritzy is doing well! Please send her my regards, please, tell her Ate Sibyl is proud of her and I wish to see her on stage one of these days. Also!!! Take care of Pookie and the little piglets. I don't like the name Pookie Mon but alright, I want the other two to be named as Pookie Chu and Liem Pooh.
Anyway, it's your decision, that's just my suggestions but please! Please take care of Pookie, okay? Alam kong maliit na ang chance na magkita tayo ulit pero kapag nalaman kong ni-lechon si Pookie, sinasabi ko sa 'yo! Hahanapin kita! Bibisitahin kita hanggang bangungot mong nakangiti at may hawak na bread knife! But kidding aside, I actually mean it.
First, I would like to thank you for your kindness and letting me stay here for the night. Second, thank you for being good to me, kayo ni Liza. Mas sumaya ang stay ko dahil sa inyong dalawa. Miss na miss ko na kayo and third, I would like to apologize.
I did nothing but bring trouble with me na sa huli nadadamay na kayong dalawa. Sorry, I didn't mean to. I wanted to protect you both kasi importante kayo sa akin kaso kapag nandito ako, mas lalong magugulo kayo kaya sorry. Pasensya na kay Barbara, sa mga issue na baka sakaling madamay kayo. I'm sorry. I promise to do my best not to get you involve and affect your career. Sorry if always, simula dati pa ay perwisyo na ang hatid ko pero sana someday I could make amends and make up for it. I'm sorry.
I am leaving the hotel. I am sure I will find a room nearby. Please, don't worry about me. I am leaving not because I don't want to be with the two of you but to explore and stay out of trouble. Alam kong busy din kayong dalawa. Thank you, Sol. Maybe, if chance would give us a chance, then, I hope you would say hi to me. I hope you'd still smile for me.
You will always be the freedom I would seek for.
Sincerely,
Sibyl
Hinawi ko ang luha at suminghap pa nang mabasa at mahulog ang iilang butil no'n sa papel na sinulatan. I shook my head and folded the paper on the bed side table before standing.
I looked around, cherished that one night I get to spend with important people in my life and smiled sadly.
I'll see you around...
Umalis ako. Suot-suot ang cap ay sinigurado kong hindi ako pansinin pagkalabas.
I lurked around the streets of Cebu trying my luck about empty rooms but my unlucky self is winning. There's none. I tried online, I tried asking in actual, going to one hotel to another but the thing was, Sinulog daw ngayon kaya maraming tao at fully booked ang mga hotel.
My feet are already aching. My knees are wobbling. I was so tired but if I go home, my family would be worried of me. My Dad will be worried.
My phone beeped. I glanced at it when I saw that familiar phone number. Kahit hindi na siya nakapangalan dito ay kabisadong-kabisado ko pa rin.
He didn't change his digits?
My heart swelled. I was so tempted to answer but my beliefs stayed.
From: Unknown Number
Nasaan ka?
From: Unknown Number
Answer the call, Sibyl!
From: Unknown Number
Where are you? I'll fetch you, okay? I'm not mad.
I suppressed a sob.
No, Sib... being selfish would only hurt them. No.
I fisted my phone and continued walking, ignoring its vibration.
From: Unknown Number
Where are you, angel? Please, tell me. I'm not mad.
From: Unknown Number
Please...
Can I be selfish, Lord?
A loud gasp left my lips when suddenly, a man ran past me, bumping my shoulders harshly and grabbed my phone.
Sa sobrang gulat ay natulala na lang ako't napaupo sa lapag habang pinagmasdan ang lalaking naglaho sa paningin ko.
"P-Phone ko..." I whispered. Tears clouded my eyes until it started trickling down my cheek. One-by-one, each one getting more and more painful.
In the middle of the night, near midnight, in the streets of the beautiful and lively Cebu was a trying hard woman hiding behind her mask. A woman, crying her out now of too much pain she couldn't bear no longer.
I folded my knees and cried loudly, sobbing in the corner like a lost child.
I thought I'm past this. I thought I won't cry this much again. Akala ko 'di na masakit, na mas matatag na ako pero bakit ang hina-hina ko pa rin?
Bakit 'di ako tuluyang maging masaya? Bakit ang sayang nagkaroon ako'y 'di pangmatagalan? Bakit? Bakit kulang na kulang pa rin?
Funny how world works because it played with me. Like dramatic telenovelas I'm starring, it started raining. Mas niyakap ko ang sarili sa lamig. Sa gilid ng daan ay umiyak habang yupyop ang mga hita, nanginginig sa lamig.
I wanted to dance again. I wanted to be free again. I wanted Sol again but I couldn't do either. I couldn't have anything.
I felt a presence coming closer to me. Hindi ako lumingon at hinayaan na kung sino man iyon na kunin ang lahat sa akin.
Baka bumalik ang snatcher. Baka gusto niyang kunin na rin ang wallet ko at ang buong maleta.
"T-Take it," mahinang sinabi ko sa snatcher. "Take it, p-please... I won't tell the police."
The presence didn't move. It stayed standing just beside me.
"T-Take it and l-leave, please," I mumbled. "Just d-don't hurt me, i-iiyak ang Daddy k-ko."
The snatcher even had the guts to put something on the top of my head and around my shoulder. Probably a jacket or something. I flinched and groaned.
"Sabi nang kunin mo na lang—" the shout I had vanished upon seeing a familiar face kneeling just beside me. Like me, he was drenched with the rain and staring at me intently with the intense black eyes.
Nagtagpo ang mata naming dalawa at hindi makapaniwalang napatawa ako sa kabila ng mga luha, naiiling.
"S-Silly, I'm i-imagining things now." I whispered while staring at his structure and face. "Maybe the antidepressants d-don't work anymore?"
A shift of emotion lingered on his eyes when he heard it.
"Angel..." Sol's apparition called.
"Sol," I mumbled and moved a little, lifting my shaking palm to touch his palm and oh, God. It was warm. It was as if he's real. "H-Hi, baby..." I whispered and cried more.
I saw a tear fell from his eyes and abruptly, I had to remove those tears away.
"Shh, why are you crying?" I whispered. "You should be happy in my hallucinations, not crying."
"Sib, come on," he whispered but I shook my head and cupped his cheek more.
"You are s-so warm," I mumbled. He touched my palm on his cheek and nodded.
"Come on, it's raining," he said gently and kissed my palm, "balik na tayo—"
"N-No, no, stay..." I desperately cupped his cheek, "this is the only chance I'd get to be this close to you."
"Sib..."
"I-I don't wanna wake up," I whispered desperately but he squeezed my palm and cupped my cheek this time.
"Hindi 'to panaginip. Nandito ako," he answered me gently, stopping me.
My forehead creased. I touched his cheek again and felt how warm he is on my skin. Basang-basa na rin siya sa ulan kagaya ko kaya...
I flinched. I withdraw my palms from his cheek and moved away from him.
"Sib..."
Tumayo ako. Sa nanginginig na tuhod ay hinila ko ang maleta paalis.
"Sibyl..."
"I said don't follow me! Bakit nandito ka?!" singhal ko sa nanginginig na boses at hinila ang maleta.
The wheels squeaked because of the rain water. I didn't mind and walked faster.
"Sibyl!" he called. I heard his footsteps behind me. "Halika na! Umuulan! Magkakasakit ka—"
"I don't care!" I hissed, "I said don't follow me! Bakit ka sumunod?!" mas binilisan ko ang lakad pero nahila niya ang maleta ko pabalik.
I shifted my gaze and glared at him. He sighed and shook his head, reaching for me.
"Come on..." hinila ko ang maleta pabalik pero hinatak niya rin kaya iritadong binitawan ko na.
"Edi sa 'yo na! Sige, suotin mo mga bikini d'yan!" I gritted my teeth.
"Sibyl..." he warned, "mag-usap tayo. Hindi 'yong nagsisigawan tayo sa gabi sa gilid ng daan. Let's just go back and talk, hmm?" Kalmado niyang sabi pero nagmatigas ako.
"No," umiling ako at naglakad patawid sa kalsada. "I said leave me alone! I will find another hotel! You don't need to—" a loud honk from a truck stopped me.
I got frozen in place and almost got blinded by the lights. I couldn't move a muscle. I was already accepting the fate of dying when a harsh pull made me snap out of it.
Ang sunod ko na lang narinig ay ang malakas at galit na sigaw ng driver. Namilog ang mata ko nang makitang nasa bisig na ako ni Sol habang nakatumba kami sa gilid ng daan.
"S-Sol..." I called nervously when I realized his head was on the ground with me on top of him. "H-Hey..." fear started creeping inside of me when I realized his eyes are closed with his palm on my back.
"S-Sol..." I called. My heart thumped. I was starting to nauseous and scared when slowly, he opened his eyes.
"Ayos ka lang?" mahina niyang tanong.
"You!" suminghap na ako, mabilis na tumayo paalis sa lapag at mas napahikbi. "Why did you... paano kapag tumama ang ulo mo d'yan?!"
He frowned and sat on the ground. Sa halip na sagutin ay kaagad niyang inabot ang braso ko at chineck.
"Are you hurt?" he asked abruptly, even cupping my cheek. "May sugat ba? Masakit? Sibyl!"
"I-I'm fine," I answered and looked away. Sa nanginginig na paa ay muli akong tumayo.
Damn it, Sibyl! Look at what you've done! What if he bumped his head on the ground? Napahamak mo na naman siya! Palagi na lang!
"Sibyl..." he called again.
"Stay away from me, Sol," I mumbled. He levelled my gaze when he stood and cupped my cheek.
"Bakit ako lalayo?" mariing sinabi niya habang nakatitig sa mga mata ko, "tell me a reason why."
"Let's just go with what you said earlier! Be strangers! You don't know me and that's good! You should stay away—"
"I did that to fucking protect you, Sibyl!" he hissed under his breath, natigilan ako. "Sa tingin mo ba gusto kong nakikita kang pinagkakaisahan sa social media? Hindi! Do you think I want them to ruin you? No! Kaya sinabi kong hindi kita kilala para sa 'yo! Para protektahan ka!"
Umiling ako at ibinaba ang palad niya sa pisngi ko.
"I don't want to fucking taint your name, Sibyl! You are a Sandejas! Ano ang magiging epekto sa pangalan mo kung madadawit ka sa akin, ah?! Masisira ang career mo! I am nowhere near you—"
"No, Sol," umiling ako. "Ako ang walang-wala para sa 'yo. I-I..." I touched my chest, "I was the one to hurt you! I was the first one to ruin you! Kung 'di ako dumating sa b-buhay mo, sana'y 'di ka naging miserable! P-Pinaglaruan kita! Sinaktan! Pinerwisyo kaya l-lumayo ka na lang, please..."
His bloodshot eyes softened.
"Baby..." he called.
"S-Simula no'ng dumating ka sa buhay ko, nasira ko ang iyo. Y-You are my freedom, Sol. Pero ang kapalit no'n? I was selfish, k-kasi kinulong lang kita sa akin. A-At ngayon, ito na naman tayo... I wanted to set you free, too. From me. I-I don't want to cage you with me. Ayaw kong nasasakal ka s-sa akin..."
"You're not caging me..." he whispered and grasped my palm. "Oo, nagalit ako sa 'yo. Nagalit dahil akala ko'y pinaglalaruan mo lang ako. Nagalit ako dahil akala ko'y kinukulong mo ako sa 'yo pero hindi! I am with you because I'm madly in love with you! It was me who wanted to be in cage with you because I wanted you for myself! Hindi ka nakakasakal, angel..."
My eyes stung while staring at his desperate eyes, "you will only get hurt because of me..."
"I'd willing would, if that's the only way to protect you." I saw the hope on his eyes. It was bloodshot and wet. Ang butil ng ulan ay nahuhulog sa kanyang pisngi at gustong-gusto maging makasarili pero alam ko ang magiging kapalit noon.
"S-Sorry, Sol," I whispered and shook my head. Umawang ang labi niya at tumalikod na ako para maglakad muli, nanginginig sa lamig pero nanatili siyang nakasunod.
"Sibyl..." he called again, "come on. Wala ng hotel ang bukas ngayon."
"Edi sa gilid ng daan matulog," bulong ko at mas bumilis ang paglalakad.
"H'wag makulit..." he sighed and caught my wrist, "magkakasakit ka, hmm? Tara na, balik na tayo..."
"Just leave..." I shook my head and pulled my hand, "hindi ako babalik—"
"Isa pang sabi, Sibyl, talagang bubuhatin na kita paalis dito!" he scolded, "umuulan! Magkakasakit ka! You can shout at me how loud you like if we got back, okay? H'wag dito! Basang-basa ka na—"
Hinarap ko siya.
"Leave me! Save yourself from me, Solomon! I am a mess, can't you see? Who would want to be with me, huh? I will only destroy you!"
"I don't care!" he exclaimed frustratedly and walked towards me in large steps, cupping my cheek. "Destroy me, angel. I'll be the happiest wreck."
Mas napaiyak na ako nang yakapin niya ako ng mahigpit.
"I'll make it up to you. Please, don't push me away," he whispered on my ear. "Kung ayaw mo na sa 'kin, rerespetuhin ko 'yon pero gagawin ko lahat... lahat para tanggapin mo lang ako ulit."
"I won't, I-I'm telling you..."
"Paano mo naman nasabi?" he hugged me even tighter, "nakita mo na ba akong manligaw?"
"Shut up," I smacked his back but he pulled me back.
"Kasing instant ng kape ang pagiging boyfriend ko sa 'yo noon," he whispered. "Let me make it up to you, hmm? Before you push me again, let me prove myself. No, you're staying here in five days, right? That's enough for me. Give me five days to prove to you my love. 'Di mo ba napapansin? Mas naging yummy ako ngayon?"
"Y-You're an idiot," I cried and smacked his chest.
"I know, angel." He chuckled and kissed my ear. "I know."
"Ayon! Abangan sa susunod na kabanata!" we both jumped when we heard a manly voice, tinulak ko si Sol palayo at gulat na napatingin sa sasakyan sa may likod lang namin.
"Ano ba 'yan, Nash!" Liza smacked him, "wala pa ngang kissing scene!"
"Liza..." Sol and I both called.
"Ay!" humagikhik siya, "sorry, sorry! Masyado akong nag-enjoy manuod! Kanina pa kami dito 'di n'yo napansin?"
Umiling si Sol at inabot ang kamay ko. Nilalamig ako pero dahil sa palad niya'y napalitan ng init ang puso ko.
I glanced at the two and saw Nash taking her hand.
"Hindi nga nila napansin, babe—" Liza smacked him again.
"H'wag mo 'kong ma-babe-babe d'yan. H'wag mo 'kong hawakan! Baka nakalimutan mong mag-ex na tayo?" she spat.
My forehead creased. They broke up?
"Oh? Bakit sila, mag-ex din?" sumulyap sa amin si Nash, "pero magkahawak-kamay?"
I jumped and pulled my hand from Sol's grip. He groaned.
"Tang inang Nash," Sol hissed.
Nag-init ang pisngi ko at nilakad ang direksyon ng maleta ko but Sol beat me to it and tried taking my hand again but I shot my brow up and hid it behind my back.
"What?" I spat.
He moistened his lower lip, "angel—"
"Nope," I answered and turned my back on him to get inside Nash's car, didn't care at all if I'm fully drenched. The rain had stopped but my clothes are obviously wet.
Naririnig ko ang reklamo ni Sol sa likuran ko. Pagkapasok ko pa lang ay inabutan na ako ni Liza ng twalya at pinisil ang kamay ko.
"Sorry, Liza," I said gently.
"Ayos lang," she squeezed it again. "Alam mo namang dito lang kami palagi para sa 'yo, 'di ba? Kapag may problema ka, kaming bahala rumesbak ni Admi—"
"Liza..." Sol called. Napaupo ng maayos si Liza at ngumisi sa akin. Nilingon kami sa likod ni Nash, sumasaludo sa akin.
"Hi, Sib,"
"Nash..." I nodded.
Sol then got inside the car and smacked the laughing Nash on the steering wheel.
"Ano?!" humalakhak ang huli. Hinagisan ni Liza ng twalya si Sol na kaagad na sinalo ng huli at pinatong sa ulo niya. "Sinasabi ko lang naman na p'wede kaming mag-holding hands ni Liza kasi kayo rin. 'Di ba, mag-ex kayo?"
"Tang ina mo. Bumalik ka na lang sa Going Bulilit," Sol spat and kicked the seat.
Nash cackled, "mag-thank you ka nga sa 'kin, basa na 'yong upuan ko—"
"Manahimik ka na nga," Liza whispered something to him and he stopped and whispered back hanggang sa silang dalawa na ang nagtatawanan doon sa harapan.
My forehead creased, still confused but managed to ask.
"I thought you guys are exes?" I asked and my lip twitched when the two blushed and looked away from each other.
I narrowed my gaze at the both of them. Tumikhim si Nash at pinaandar ang sasakyan.
I didn't ask any further. I will corner Liza if I'm at least decent enough.
I can feel Sol's gaze beside me but I refrain myself from glancing back. I gripped the towel on my shoulder together with his jacket when I felt cold again.
"Liza, pakihinaan no'ng aircon," ani Sol kaya napatalon ang nasa unahan at pinatay ang aircon.
Habang nasa byahe ay tahimik ko lang na pinagmamasdan ang buhay na buhay na Cebu. It was late at night but the lights are still alive. Ang layo din pala ng nilakad ko?
We stopped by a coffee shop and they fetched me a warm coffee. Sumimsim ako roon at dinama ang init sa tiyan.
"Kakauwi mo lang, Nash?" Sol asked.
"Oo, kakarating ko lang sa hotel no'ng nanghila na 'tong babe ko—"
"Ex, Nash. Ex." Liza emphasized, "wala akong jowa na pupuntang America walang paalam!"
Nash sighed, "I told you already. I am doing—"
"Shh, ayoko na makinig. Mag-usap na kayo niyang si Solomon tutal naman pareho kayong gagong mga ex." Nabulunan ako at biglang napatawa.
"Gago ako, angel?!" Sol whined beside me. Umirap ako sa hangin at uminom ulit ng kape sabay tapik sa likod ni Liza.
"Oh, 'di ba?" humalakhak siya, "girl power 'to kaya shattap na lang kayo!"
The whole ride I was quiet enough, exhausted. Sa likod ng hotel pumarada si Nash at sa pagbaba ay umalalay sa akin si Sol.
Hindi ko sana tatanggapin ang palad niya pero walang lakas ang mga paa ko pagkababa at medyo nanakit kaya napadaing at muntik nang mahulog.
He caught me.
"Ayos lang," marahang sinabi ko bago muling sumubok tumayo pero naulit lang at hindi ko na napigilan si Sol sa susunod na ginawa.
He carried me on his arms. A loud gasp left my lips when he did that in a bridal style.
Sina Nash at Liza at kumuha ng maleta ko sa likod and I was thankful enough that maleta from Paris is water proof and I don't have to worry about my clothes.
Nga lang, ang phone ko.
How would I call my Dad?
Inayos ni Sol ang pagbuhat niya sa akin nang makapasok. I realized there are a few people in there kaya dali-dali akong nagtago sa kanyang dibdib at yumakap sa kanyang batok.
He smelled like earth and rain water mixed with his perfume. Basa rin siya pero mas nangingibabaw ang init na hatid niya sa akin.
He carried me protectively while we're inside the elevator at may sumabay. Liza and Nash stood in front of us to hide me, too. Pansin ko ang panaka-nakang tingin ng mga babae sa pwesto ko kaya mas sumubsob lang ako sa leeg naman ni Sol at umamoy doon.
I felt him tensing up. He stiffened a little when I moved the tip of my nose on his neck and tightened his grip on me.
"Why, hmm?" he whispered, brushing his lips on my temple. Umiling ako at ipinikit ang mata.
We reached his suite in no time and got inside.
"Naks naman, big time na big time ka na, Pareng Sol! Presidential suite 'to, 'di ba?" Nash asked while Sol's lowering me down on the couch.
"Management ang nag-book nito. Mahal-mahal ng isang gabi, sa tingin mo ba magsasayang ako sa ganito?" Lumuhod si Sol sa harapan ko at inabot ang twalya sa balikat ko bago ilagay sa ulo ko para tuyuin ang buhok ko.
I watched him do it eagerly, kneeling in front of me and drying my hair. Seryoso ang kanyang mga mata, walang pakialam kahit siya mismo ay basa rin.
Our eyes met and that's when he tilted his head and brushed his thumb on my cheek.
"What is it, hmm? Masakit ang ulo mo?" marahan niyang tanong.
Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot at nanatiling nakatitig sa kanya kaya napabuntonghininga na siya. He rose a little and kissed my forehead, my eyes dropped closed.
"Liza, may gamot ka ba d'yan? Baka magkasakit si Sib."
"Oo, mayro'n ako sa bag," ani Liza.
The three of them talked and I let them. I was just so exhausted and sleepy. Sumandal ako sa sofa at hinayaan sila, halos makatulog na kung 'di ko lang naramdaman na may humahawak sa paa ko.
I jumped a bit and saw Sol removing my boots. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa at doon na siya nagsalita.
"Don't sleep on me, hmm? Kailangan mo munang maligo para 'di ka magkasakit. Atsaka h'wag mong papabayaan ang paa mo," aniya bago unti-unting ibinaba ang paa ko sa maligamgam na tubig.
I felt relief when he did that. Mas lalo akong napasandal at pinagmasdan siyang walang imik pagkatapos habang inaahon ang paa ko at pinupunasan ang paa ko.
"It doesn't really matter," I said in a low voice. Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin kaya itinuloy ko ang sabihin. "I don't really have to take care of my feet, it's not like I can use it the same way."
"Sino nagsabing hindi?" he tilted his head and gently lowered my feet on the ground after placing a slipper.
"I'm sure you know what happened, Sol," maliit akong ngumiti. "I couldn't dance anymore."
"You can't because you kept on telling yourself you couldn't, angel," sinabi niya habang inaasikaso ang isa kong paa. "Habang may buhay, may pag-asa, sabi nga nila. Na kaya raw tayo nagigising kada umaga ay dahil may pag-asa tayong nararamdaman. Ako, naniniwala ako sa 'yo, alam kong makakabalik ka."
"I did therapies," I mumbled and bit my lower lip. "Countless of them, best in their field but..." umiling ako.
"Pagsasayaw lang ba ang talento mo?" he asked, I remembered my father's words. "Magaling kang photographer, magaling kang modelo, magaling kang artista—mahal kita pero na-stress ako do'n sa sabunutan n'yo ng bida sa drama sa hapon."
I froze and chuckled. My heart thumped loudly.
I don't know if it's because he's funny or because he just said he's in love with me.
His eyes glinted and he sat beside me to dry my hair.
"You're watching?" I asked.
Natahimik siya saglit at tumikhim, nagkikibit-balikat.
"Na...nakita ko lang si Liza nanunuod." He blushed, "m-marami din akong ginagawa kaya 'di nakakanuod tapos—"
"You are blushing, Solomon," I pointed out kaya mas nagseryoso siya't tumiim pa ang panga. I smirked when he covered my eyes with the towel, disguising it into drying my hair.
Hinawi ko ang twalya sa mukha ko at napaiwas siya, muling tumitikhim.
"Inihanda ko ang bath tub," aniya. "Pagkatapos uminom ka ng gamot—"
"What's your favorite scene?" I asked.
"'Yong pinatapon ka na sa probinsya," mabilis niyang sagot kaya mas napatawa na ako.
"And now you're saying you don't watch!" I hissed.
Shyly, he tilted his head and moistened his lower lip.
"Isang beses lang—"
"Weh?" I tilted my head. Napatitig siya sa akin habang ngising-ngisi ako't nang-aasar. "Why don't you just tell me, hmm?" kinalabit ko ang ilong niya, nang-aasar.
"Sibyl..." he warned. Ngumisi ako sabay lapit ng mukha sa kanya. He tensed up.
"What, Mr. Alejo?" I smirked, "it's okay to admit you liked watching it—probably binge watching it, either. Don't be shy, just tell—" napatili ako sa gulat nang bigla siyang umabante kaya napasandal ako sa may arm rest at namilog ang mata.
He towered me, putting his palm at the side of my body, caging me.
"Oo, nanunuod ako dahil nando'n ka. Oo, wala akong pakialam sa trabaho para lang abangan ang palabas kasi do'n lang kita nakikita. Am I missing you? Yes, Sibyl Timothea. Am I watching because I'm still madly in love with you? Yes." He sighed and roamed his eyes on my face, "oo, patay na patay pa rin ako sa 'yo. There, happy, angel?"
I didn't know I was holding my breath until he tilted his head to wait for my answer.
"H-Huh?" sa dami ng gusto kong sabihin ay 'yon lang ang lumabas sa mga labi.
"Huh?" his lips thinned, "sa lahat ng sinabi ko 'yon lang sagot mo?"
"A-Anong gusto mong sabihin ko?!" singhal kong nauwi lang sa maliit na boses nang ilapit niya ang mukha sa akin.
"Gusto kong sabihin?" he inquired.
"Oo!" I snapped.
"Gusto kong sabihin mong..." I gasped loudly when he moved his face closer until the tips of our nose are touching," na miss mo na rin ako. Na tatanggapin mo akong ulit."
"I..." I melted with his gaze, "I told you already, Mr. Alejo. No."
"Liligawan kita," he announced, mas siniksik ako. I could feel his breath from his lips almost touching mine, almost.
"Babastedin kita," I answered back, mas palaban at umawang pa ang labi para sana antayin ang halik pero bumaba lang ang labi niya sa panga ko bago idinikit ang noo sa akin.
"Tang ina, mahal na mahal pa rin kita..." he breathed.
My heart was in haywire. I could literally feel my stomach churning and when our eyes met again, he moved his body away from me.
My inner goddess groaned inside my head.
Get a grip, Sib!
"Maligo ka na, Sib," seryoso niyang sabi at umayos ng tayo. Tila naiinitang tinanggal niya ang pagkakabutones ng kanyang basang puting long sleeves.
My eyes literally were in the verge of popping out of its socket when I saw his muscled back. Doon ko lang talaga napatunayang mas siya... mas gumwapo, mas naging macho, mas naging yummy!
Kita ko ang pagkakabatak ng muscle sa kanyang likod at braso. He isn't bulky but tall and sporty type. Halatang sa trabaho nahubog ang katawan! There's even a damn twin dimple of muscles on his back.
Fuck!
I checked the side of dress again and thanked the underwear company sa pagiging matibay niya sa mga ganitong mga pagsubok sa pagkababae ko! Kailangang bigyan ng raise ang kompanyang 'to at mga workers!
Kung ibang T-back siguro baka na-loose thread na 'to sa ganitong mga pagsubok.
I mindlessly salivated on his back as he dried his body with the towel and when he faced me, the six-pack abs and fucking V-line from his waist hiding down his black slacks is what I saw.
"Open minded ka ba sa business, Sol?" I suddenly asked.
Humagalpak siya. Natulos ako at napatakip ng mukha nang lumapit siya sa akin.
"Oo naman, Miss Sweet Lips. Kung aayain mo 'kong mag-networking ibibigay ko sa 'yo buong sweldo ko," he cackled. I parted my fingers to see his abs saying hi to me pero sinipa ko si Sol na tatawa-tawa.
"Asshole..."
"Libre hawak para sa 'yo," biglang hinila niya ang kamay ko papunta sa kanyang tiyan. Napatili ako pero sa pagmulat ng mata ay natigil sa pagsigaw at nag-enjoy kakatusok sa kanyang tiyan.
"Nag-gym ka?" I asked.
"Hindi, kaunting work out lang," aniya.
I nodded. Like my eyes evolved into a microscope, I scanned his body then gulped. I could feel my nipples hardening on my chest, my T-back in the verge of ripping to offer him itself! I am sure!
I knew he felt the same way. I saw how the hardened proof on his slacks. It got more visible on his crotch.
Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa at binasa ko ang labi sabay kagat ng labi ko at taas ng kilay kay Sol.
His eyes are dark. His jaw clenching.
"Do you..." paos kong tanong.
"No, angel," nahihirapang umiling siya at bahagyang itinagilid ang sarili pero hinila kong muli hanggang sa maupo siya sa tabi ko.
"Why so?" I whined, "I can see how affected you are, tapos... tapos ako rin kaya... it's casual! We're two consenting adults! We could forget what happened the next day—"
"Kung kaya mong kalimutan, pwes, hindi ako, Sandejas." My eyes widened when he knelt in front of me, his blazing eyes are burning as he cupped my cheek. "My feelings aren't casual when it comes to you..."
"I..." binasa ko ang labi ko, "I told you already, I don't want any relationship with you. Ayokong madamay ka sa akin kaya itong tensyon na 'to, ito lang 'yon. It's been a while, baka hindi mo naman na talaga ako mahal—"
"I don't just want sex, I want you as a whole Sibyl Timothea," he confessed, "sa oras na mahawakan kita ulit, hinding-hindi na kita mapapakawalan. Sa oras na mahalikan kita, tang ina, wala akong pakialam kung kaninong pangalan ang masisira basta maging sa 'kin ka..."
"Sol..." I fisted my palm, my heart couldn't take his words anymore. "You can't love me. It's not like there is something left to love..."
"Is there something not to love about you, hmm, angel?" hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko pababa sa labi ko hanggang sa umawang na ito. "Your wits, your sarcasm, the way your forehead crease and your brows shot up. The taste of caffeine on your lips, lahat ng perpekto at hindi sa 'yo mahal na mahal ko..."
To feel like crying with my panties wet, too, is unbelievably possible. Gusto ko na lang mag-cry!
The Sandejas Family will be very disappointed of me!
We stared at each other and felt how the tension slowly turning into something heavier, na tila nag-uusap ang aming mga tingin. My eyes stung.
"I'm not good with managing my anger, angel. Minahal kasi kita ng sobra-sobra, noon hanggang ngayon kaya lahat... lahat ng galit namuo dito no'ng nalaman kong pinagpustahan n'yo ako..."
"S-Sol," my heart ache the same time my eyes stung when his eyes turned bloodshot.
"Mahal na mahal k-kasi kita..." his voice broke the same time a tear fell, "mahal na mahal ka namin ni Fritzy kaya masakit..."
"Sorry..." I dried his tears, "you don't have to explain, I understand, h-hmm? Kung ako... kung ako magagalit din kaya naiintindihan ko..."
"No, if only I listened more... maybe I haven't missed a chance to be with you." Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko, "kung hindi lang ako nagpadala sa galit, sana nando'n ako sa tabi no'ng kailangan mo ng makakapitan. I was mad at you, I pushed you away but you stayed when I needed you! Pero tang ina, no'ng ako naman ang kailangan mo wala akong lakas ng loob puntahan ka para damayan kasi hiyang-hiya ako sa 'yo... sa sarili ko... sa mga nasabi ko..."
I sniffed.
"Kasi Sib, hindi ka gano'n." Umiling siya at unti-unting ginagap ang kamay ko. "You are the most amazing woman I'd ever met. Nasaktan mo ako, oo. Durog na durog ako no'ng nagsabay-sabay ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ikaw na pinagkatiwalaan ko, na plano kong bigyan ng lahat tapos..." muling nahulog ang luha niya. "A-Ang sakit l-lang..."
"You don't have to apologize, h-hmm?" I cupped his cheek and brushed his tears away. "I understand your pain. The pain you've felt about what I did, and h-how Mila played with us... I understand and I am sorry, Sol. The happiest times became your worst because of me.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "no amount of apologies I could give is enough to compensate for what you felt—to take away your pain. Wala ako no'ng kailangan mo ng makakapitan, no'ng naghihirap ka wala ako kaya ngayon... ngayon gusto kong nandito ako para sa 'yo. Gusto kong maging paa mo hanggang sa makuha mo nang muli ang pangarap mo."
He stared at my eyes, as if worshipping me while kneeling in front of me.
"You inspired me to be the best version of myself, angel. You inspired me to become a better person, a better grandson to Nanay, a better father for Fritz. A better half for you..." he closed his eyes and placed it on my forehead. "Galit ako sa nangyari pero mas nagagalit ako sa sarili no'ng naiwala kita. N-No'ng natanto kong 'di ko pala kaya kapag wala ka..."
I whimpered and met his gaze, "if I could turn back time and the only way for you to meet me again is through that bet, I'd willingly become your pawn, baby. Play with me all you want b-because I'm always yours... I'm yours to play with."
"Y-You're not a toy, don't say that," umiling ako. "I was wrong, Sol. I was wrong and still repenting for all the mistakes that turned me into that monster I am before pero lahat... lahat-lahat ng mga pinakita ko, lahat 'yon ay totoo, Sol. No'ng sinabi kong mahal kita... mahal kita pero 'yong pagmamahal na 'yon, nakasakit lang sa 'yo kaya..."
"No, angel, no..." he cupped my cheek again until I'm staring at him. "I love you, Sibyl. Mahal na mahal kita. If only you know how you made me feel like I mattered, if only you knew how happy I became because of you. If only you knew how alive you made me and Fritzy. A-Akala ko'y wala ng tatanggap sa amin pero ikaw... you're fucking amazing, Sibyl. I hope you know that."
"Sol..."
"I wanted to hurt myself after saying those words to you before but that's the only thing I know how to drive you away from me before," he whispered. "Hindi ka perwisyo, Sibyl. Hindi mo ako ikinukulong. Hindi ka nakakasakal. Hindi ka lahat ng sinabi ko. Hindi ka gano'n, anghel ko.
"You are the most amazing woman I'd ever met, the most talented, the most beautiful. One of the purest hearts I'd ever known hiding beneath that mask. I hope you won't be hard at yourself, saying you don't deserve things because you do, angel. You deserved everything! I wanted to give you everything..." he moved his face closer until our nose are touching. "If you want me to rip my heart out of my chest and give you, I would. Just say a word, my baby. I'll give you."
Hindi ako nakasagot at mas umiyak lang sa pagsabog ng nararamdaman sa puso.
"Nasaktan kita pero umaasa pa rin akong balang-araw ay tayo pa rin, Sib. I worked hard in the hopes of meeting you again when I'm better, when I have something to be proud of. Para sa inyo ni Fritzy, para hindi ako nakakahiyang ipakilala sa pamilya mo..."
"Don't say that," I squeezed his arm, mas napahugot ako ng hininga nang yakapin niya ako ng mahigpit. "I'm proud of you, Sol. Noon hanggang ngayon, proud na proud ako sa 'yo..."
"I will court you, angel," he whispered. "I hope you'll let me—no, please, I'm begging you, please give me a chance. I-I'll prove myself, I'll do my best, angel. I'll prove I'm still deserving of your attention. I want you, Sib. I want all of you, your flaws and imperfections, the painful sides of you lahat 'yon gustong-gusto ko.
Lumayo siya sa akin para titigan ang mga mata ko, "if I touch you, once I kissed you, I would demand an us, angel. Once I claimed you, I will make sure to marry you, I will make sure to build a home with you and our Fritzy."
I cried loudly, smacking his chest. "H-How could you say that? I'm hurting you, Sol! I'm destroying you! My career would ruin you! Ni hindi na ako makakasayaw! Anong ipagmamalaki ko sa inyo, ah? A-Anong..."
"Is simply being you not something to be proud of, hmm?" he placed strands of my hair behind my ear.
Natahimik kaming dalawa para kalmahin ang sarili, nagtititigan. I dried his tears and he did with me. He smiled and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"Mahal na mahal kita, Miss Sandejas," he whispered. "Give me a chance, please..."
I found my voice after a minute or two and glared at him.
"You're an idiot! What it is with me that you're like that..." umiling ako, "there are better girls for you..."
"Damn, angel," he chuckled and touched my lips. "I hope you could see yourself in my eyes. Maybe, in that way you'll see how fucking beautiful you are."
My heart raced.
"Still a no!" bumusangot ako pero hindi man lang siya natinag at nagkibit-balikat lang sa akin.
"Maybe we could change that," the kissed the tip of my nose. "I said I would accept whatever your decision about us but I won't back out a fight without even wielding a sword, angel."
"Sword?" tinulak ko ang noo niya kahit napapasinghot pa, "anong klaseng sword, Mr. Alejo? Mapapaungol ba 'ko niyan?"
"Sibyl!" he hissed, and blushed. Tumaas ang kilay ko at tinagilid ang ulo ko.
This should still stay casual! I'm standing on my belief not to involve myself with him, to protect him and Fritzy from my toxic world.
"I'm telling you, baby, we're just craving for each other." Ngumuso ako, "why don't we give it a try and then... kapag wala na after, move-on na—" I whimpered when he pushed me back on the couch and towered me again.
I shivered when I felt how his warm chest got pressed on mine. My nipples hardened more. I gasped.
"If I fuck you, I would marry you, angel." Bumaba ang tingin niya sa dress ko at napasinghap na ako nang maramdaman ko siya sa may tiyan ko. "Are you up for the challenge, hmm?"
"A-Ano ba..." tinulak ko siya pero 'di man lang siya natinag.
"Chickening out now, hmm, angel?" he kissed my jaw sensually, "we're still both wet from the rain, it won't be hard stripping you off these tiny clothes of yours."
"S-Sol..." dumaing ako nang bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko.
"I promise to make you scream so bad for more while I'm pounding inside you, angel," bulong niya sa tainga ko.
"Then do!" I spat, "puro ka salita—"
"Are you agreeing, then? I'll make your toes curl now and you'll marry me tomorrow?" doon na nanlaki ang mata ko. "Do we have a deal, Miss Sandejas?" he smirked handsomely.
Natulala ako at nanuyo ang lalamunan habang nakikipagtitigan sa itim na itim niyang mga mata.
Just how fast I could switch my emotions to another while I'm with him? Gano'n ko talaga siya kamahal?!
"That's why I'm asking you for a casual one! I mean, we could get off this heat—"
"I won't be able to get this off me, angel. Alam kong alam mo 'yon," he pressed himself more. "Feel how hard I am? That's because of you, but no matter how I wanted to taste you and your pretty pussy again, I wanted to bargain. Marry me, I'll fuck your brains out for the rest of your life."
It was tempting...
He cupped my breast and squeezed it. I groaned.
"Well, angel? Marry me?" he whispered. Natauhan naman ako bigla.
"Hell no!" singhal ko na sabay sama ng tingin sa kanya pero tumango-tango lang si gago.
"Okay," he did a quick kiss in between my breast and sat up straight. Napadaing ako.
"Ihh! Solomon!" I whined and kicked my feet, "ayaw mo bang tikman ang delicacy ko?!"
"Deli... ano?!" humagalpak na siya kaya iritadong inayos ko ang dress at binato sa mukha niya ang unan na tatawa-tawa niyang hinarangan. "Fuck! Anong klaseng delicacy ba 'yan, angel? Bibingka?"
My cheeks heated, embarrassed.
"Gago! Pangit mo!" singhal ko sabay tayo nang mag-ring ang telepono sa kwarto.
"Angel..." natatawang habol niya pasunod sa akin, "sorry... sorry..." mas tumawa pa siya at humabol.
"Idiot, shut up!" iritang sabi ko.
Nakakahiya ka, Sibyl! Sana lamunin na lang ako ng lupa!
"Angel..." naabutan niya ako pagkakuha ko ng telepono. I felt him hugged me from behind and kissed my shoulder. "Joke lang, Miss Sweet Lips. Gusto ko rin naman ng bibingka mo—"
"Mananahimik ka o itatali ko 'tong cord sa leeg mong gago ka?" singhal ko, mas napatawa siya at hinigpitan ang yakap.
Naiiling na dinala ko ang telepono sa tainga ko at narinig ang boses ng receptionist.
"Yes?" I asked formally.
"Hi, Miss Sibyl po, right?" she asked.
"Yes, speaking," tango ko at sinipa ng pasimple si Sol na bumubulong sa kabilang tainga ko ng "bibingka". Gago talaga.
"Hi, Ma'am, I'm sorry for the trouble. I know it's late at night but someone is looking for you?"
Natigilan ako at kinurot si Solomon, "can I ask who?"
"Uhm, Zeijan Sandejas daw po," ani ng receptionist at doon ay parang gusto ko na talagang lamunin ng lupa.
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