Kabanata 26
Hi! Sorry for the late updates! This chapter is looooong! Katumbas ang word count sa two parts. Enjoy!
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Kabanata 26
I was happy. The week was cut short because of his work. Kinailangan niyang umalis kinabukasan no'n para sa emergency meeting nila kaya naiwanan ako sa Cebu.
I could actually go home but sayang naman ang punta ko roon kaya kahit mag-isa ay nag-explore ako. Sol made sure to give me directions where to go if I needed an alone time. Kasama ko rin naman ang mag-ex daw na si Nash at Liza kaya 'di ako nahirapan.
However, I think it will be greater having Sol here.
Pero okay naman, it's not like I'm a third wheel or something. Si Nash nga ata ang naging extra sa aming dalawa't naging tagabitbit ng pagkain at taga-picture.
During my stay, I think I had a great alone time. Nga lang, pagkauwi ko'y sumabak kaagad ako sa trabaho. Ang shooting ng second half ng telenovela namin ay sinimulan.
Patok na patok kasi sa masa at maraming side stories sa mga characters. The story revolved around the siblings, me and the other actress which is also great. She's professional, too.
I was an antagonist at first, masama ang ugali at maldita. Nagsabunutan pa kami ng bida kaya napagalitan ako't ipinatapon sa probinsya at doon ko makikita ang love life ko.
I smiled upon reading my script.
I remembered Sol. That idiot.
My smile faded.
Sol again. Walang maisip si Sibyl Timothea kung hindi'y puro Solomon! Kung bawat isip ko sa kanya'y nagkakaroon ako ng tattoo baka napuno na ang katawan ko.
Speaking of him, he said he'll contact me after but why isn't he reaching me out?
Bumusangot ako at sinulyapan ang phone. No calls, not even texts. Nangungumusta lang siya noong nasa Cebu sa pagte-text kina Liza.
How about me naman?!
He has my number! Why can't he text me?!
Mas humaba ang nguso ko at pumahumbaba, malungkot kong kinuha ang pen para bilugan na lang ang mga sasabihin ko at medyo intense ang lines ko today.
It a good thing, Sib. You said you'll only ruin his career just by merely associating yourself! It's a blessing in disguise. You don't have to worry about him.
He deserved everything. You can't ruin it for him.
My chest felt tighter but realized that's my sole purpose, my sole mission. To protect him and Fritz from this messy world. My dancing career before was toxic but being in showbiz, mas toxic na ito ngayon.
Artists like me are getting judged and ruined every day. Kahit 'di naman nila kami kilala, may nasasabi ang mga tao. They would make issues about us, make stories to affect people around us. It was exhausting, really.
Akala ng iba'y masarap maging artista o maging public figure at oo, masaya kasi may napapasaya kang fans, naipapakita mo ang talento mo pero masalimuot din.
There are instances artists are most vulnerable. Hindi lahat ng tao'y kayang makatanggap ng judgement at criticisms mula sa iba. Masakit din kasi minsan kapag akala mo'y ibinigay mo na lahat—kulang pa pala sa kanila.
Our mental health is getting compromised, too. We have a life other than the spotlight and they think they have the right to invade it, too. Hindi naman nila alam kung sino ako sa likod ng camera, hindi nila ako kilala pero kung makapanghusga'y pag-usapan ka sa likuran ay tila kilala nila ang buong pagkatao mo.
Mapanghusga ako noon kaya alam ko ito at nang mahusgahan na'y naramdaman ang sakit na naidulot ko sa ibang tao. I've been in two sides of judgement—the judge and the judged.
Kaya hindi na ako uulit. Mas lumawak ang pananaw ko sa mga bagay at natuto.
We are humans, we make mistakes and learn from it. We are toxic in a point of our lives, it's just up to us to acknowledge the bad deed and learn or get caged in that behavior.
It's hard but it's better to admit when you're wrong than making excuses for it. You won't grow in the part, you'll end up getting stuck.
"Sib, come here!" ibinaba ko ang script at nagtungo kay Rey na tinawag ako.
"Yes?" nang ilahad niya ang kamay ay sumulyap ako roon at napangiti nang makita ang scout na nag-recruit sa akin to enter the showbiz.
"I know you know Sir Rendle," aniya at tumango-tango ako habang nakatingin sa lalaking medyo may kaedaran.
"Of course! Hi, Sir," I greeted.
"Ang ganda mo talaga, hija!" bati niya bago inilahad ang kamay sa akin.
"Thank you," I greeted and accepted his palm for a firm shake.
His eyes lingered around my face, he was still shaking my hand, almost squeezing it and when I felt his finger on my wrist, I was uncomfortable. Hindi pinapahalata, hinila ko ng pasimple ang kamay ko sabay sulyap kay Rey na nakangiti.
"So, ayon na nga, Sib," aniya. "Sir Rendle is asking if you're available for a movie this time."
My heart pounded. I glanced at him expectantly, grateful.
"Really?"
"Oo, hija," ngumisi siya sa akin, "we'll talk more about the offer, okay? You can proceed into your shoot for now. You have a potential, I'm glad seeing you debut in acting because of my recommendation. Pareho kayong magaling ng Mommy mo."
I smiled a little, "I owe you this, thank you."
"No worries," he pulled me for a hug, shocking me. "Magaling kang umarte, parang si Alyx. Maganda pa to add! Hawig na hawig talaga kayong dalawa."
He tapped my back while a timid smile is plastered on my lips.
"Anyway, nakahanap na kami ng papalit sa original love team mo sana rito," nang magsalita na si Rey ay kinuha ko iyong pagkakataon para lumayo sa lalaki. "We have to welcome a new member in set, sila 'yong makakasama mo sa mga scene while in the province."
The way my manager's eyes gave me a look is suspicious. I think this won't be good, eh?
"Who?"
"Oh, good! Buti nasabi mo!" Rendle exclaimed, "ang dami pa lang talented sa inyo, hija! I've recruited Teresa too and then James will be here as your love interest!"
What... the... fuck?
Nagkatinginan kami ni Rey at nanatiling nagpipigil ng ngiwi.
"Great, right?! What a good trio!" Rendle exclaimed happily as if something is fun with it, "mas magiging kontrobersyal ang palabas at mga sikat ang gaganap! Aren't this fun?"
"No—" siniko ako ni Rey kaya awkward akong tumawa at pumalakpak.
"Yeah..." I chuckled blankly, "this will be... fun."
It was fun, indeed. Kinabukasan ay naghahasik na ng lagim ang gaga. She's having her main character moment when she got into our shooting area with all those assistants she had, of course with James beside her na titig na titig pagdating pa lang niya.
'Di ko pinansin. I won't mind having them around and let them be if wala naman silang gagawing nakakainis pero ano pa bang aasahan ko?
Asar na kaagad ako kay Teresa pagkalapit niya para bumati, "oh, hi, Sib! How are you? Grabe, fancy seeing you here! It's my debut in acting! What can we say, huh? Baka magawan na kita ng spotlight?"
I almost rolled my eyes.
"Welcome, Teresa," tipid kong sabi at nakipagbeso sa kanya.
She rolled her eyes at me but when she noticed my make-up artist, Sandra, is watching, ngumisi siya.
"Grabe, mas lalo kang gumaganda, ah? Mukhang nagkalaman ka, ah?" bahagya pa siyang ngumiwi sabay ngisi.
"Gano'n talaga kapag may pambili ng pagkain, Teresa," I answered her instead, not once intimidated by her backhanded compliment.
She pursed her lips, I'm sure she didn't expect my answer.
"Hmm, good for you. Pero mas bagay sana kung kagaya ng dati, mag-diet ka ng kaunti para hindi—"
"What's wrong with my body?" sumulyap ako sa sarili at halos kagaya pa rin naman noon, nagkalaman lang ang pisngi. "I'm still pretty, Teresa."
"I know, you are! Just, hindi lang ako sanay na may laman ang pisngi mo. Mas maganda sana kung—"
"Mas maganda kung 'di ka na makikialam ng buhay ng iba," I cut her off. Her mouth parted.
I heard Sandra stifling a laugh, napaubo si Rey sabay paypay ng abaniko niya sa mukha.
"Why are you so mean to me?" biglang nagpaawa ang bruha sabay sandal kay James. James' eyes widened and tried to take a step back, muntik nang matumba ang bruha kaya dumaing ito sabay sulyap sa likod.
"Dapat sinasalo mo 'ko!" singhal niya kaya nag-aalangang hinawakan siya ni James.
"Teresa, stop it. We're on a shoot—"
"No, James! I was complimenting her and giving suggestions—"
"Suggestions or backhanded compliments? May pagkakaiba do'n bukod sa spelling," I answered and tilted my head. Her mouth parted.
"How dare you! Feeling mo magaling ka, feeling mo maganda ka!"
"I am," I answered straightforwardly, locking gazes with her. "Wanna bet?"
She cursed under her breath, gusto pang lumaban sana pero tinawag ng manager niya kaya busangot na umalis.
"Sorry, Sib," ani James at suminghap, "don't mind her, you've always been beautiful."
I nodded, "I know, palagi naman," tipid kong sabi.
"Anyway, I... I'm looking forward working with you. Hindi na pala kami ni Teresa, I broke up with her." He smiled handsomely, as if waiting for my happy giggles and a kiss.
"Ahh..." tumango ako sabay hikab at sulyap sa daliri, "Sandra, nasira ang nails ko, oh." Sabay talikod ko lahad ng daliri sa make-up artist.
We are shooting outside and it's super hot. Tirik na tirik ang araw. We are about to shoot the scene where in I was whining while pulling my luggage under the sun's heat kasi nga pinatapon ako sa probinsya.
It was pretty accurate, actually. Ganitong-ganito ako noong una kong punta sa Sta. Monica, muntik ko pa ngang itapon ang maleta.
We had a break after kaya inayusan ako nina Sandra habang sinasabing single na nga raw ulit si James.
"What am I gonna do?" ngumiwi ako, "not interested."
"Oo nga, mas gwapo iyong boylet niya!" hagikhik ni Rey sabay turo sa akin. "Gwapo, matangkad at moreno! Daddy na daddy!"
"Pst!" pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata sabay lagay ng daliri sa labi ko, "akin 'yon!"
Tumawa sina Rey at Liza, ngumuso ako at mahinang tumawa rin pero naiwan akong gano'n na parang tanga nang matigil ang dalawa sa kakatawa at napatulala sa likod ko.
"Bakit?" I asked.
"Hoy, boss, rinig mo 'yon? Sa kanya ka raw!" hearing that feminine voice, my stomach churned. Napatalon ako halos lumuwa ang mata nang makita ang nasa likod.
"U-Uy..." nauutal na tawag ko at kumurap-kurap.
Solomon smirked at me. Dali-dali akong tumayo. I lifted my palm.
"Hindi, hindi sa gano'n! What I mean was—"
"Sa 'yo lang naman ako talaga," he answered seriously and extended a small paper bag and a bouquet of flowers.
Tumili si Sandra at hinampas-hampas ako ni Rey at Liza. Nag-iinit ang pisnging kinuha ko ang bouquet sa kanya at ang iced coffee.
"Thanks..." tumikhim ako't mas nagwala ang puso sa titig niya, "nag-abala ka pa."
"Kumain ka na?" aniya, tila walang tao sa paligid kung hindi kami lang kung makaasta.
Umiling ako at tumikhim. Pasimple kong nilagay ang tikwas ng buhok sa likod ng tainga.
Si Liza na ang OA ang tili sabay alog sa akin, halos sabunutan na ako kung hindi lang siya sinimangutan ni Solomon.
"Liza," he called, "dahan-dahan, mapanot ang anghel ko."
But instead of calming down, mas inalog lang ako ng kaibigan.
I'm dead. My heart is racing I think I'm gonna faint.
Ipinagkanulo ako nina Rey sa kanila. I asked how did they got in at mukhang kakuntsaba nila si Rey na mukhang bagong bestfriend na ni Liza.
Sol and I were side to side inside my tent. We haven't seen each other since Cebu at yakap-yakap ko ang flowers habang sumisimsim ng kape't pinagmamasdan siyang buksan ang mga Tupperware na dala niya.
Si Liza kasi ay abala makipagdaldalan sa manager ko at kay Sandra.
Our gazes met while he's opening the last lid. He winked. I rolled my eyes.
"What?" he chuckled, "kanina ka pa umiirap, wala pa naman akong dalang bendita ngayon, angel."
"Idiot," I spat and hugged my flowers more. "Why didn't you text me? Tapos ano? Bigla kang lilitaw dito? Mushroom ka ba?"
"Bakit?" he asked, his eyes brightened.
"Huh?"
"Nagpi-pick-up line ka, 'di ba? Kaya sabi ko bakit—"
"Tutuktukan na talaga kita," kunwari'y inangat ko ang flowers para hampasin siya. "Nagtatanong ako ng seryoso, ah!"
The side of his lips lifted. I'm annoyed but still couldn't stop praising how handsome he is today. The way he moistened his lips and give me a side grin is enough to make my heart churn.
"Bakit? Miss mo 'ko?" he tilted his head.
"Feeling," bumusangot akong lalo. "Masama bang magtanong?"
"Sasagutin ko 'yan pero sabihin mo munang nami-miss mo 'ko,"
"Nope," I pursed my lips.
"What? Why?" he moistened his lower lip and placed his palm on the chair's arm rest and moved his body closer.
My breath hitched.
"Ano ba..." galit dapat pero malamya ang naging tunog nang maamoy ko siya sa pagkakalapit na iyon.
He tilted his head and followed my gaze, the side of his lips lifting playfully.
"You don't miss me, angel?" he asked.
"Lelang mo na miss," I hissed on his face but it didn't scare him even a bit. Mas inilapit niya lang ang mukha at napasinghap na ako nang unti-unti'y ngumiti na siya.
"That's too bad, then, since I missed you damn much." His eyes lingered at me for another moment until he pinched my cheek and whispered.
"Ang ganda mo," aniya sabay alis.
If being this damn hot and handsome is illegal then he might be facing multiple charges already. Mas lalo lang ako naglaway at sinipsip ang straw, halos nguyain na ata 'yon habang nakatitig sa kanya.
He's wearing only a simple black polo and khaki pants pero malinis na malinis. Isang tingin pa lang, ulam na!
Wala sa sariling inabot ko ang kutsara sabay subo ng kanin at nuod sa kanyang tinatawag si Liza na nasa labas ng tent ko habang nakahalukipkip.
Those biceps and triceps... how his six-packed delicious hidden treasure look inside that polo... and those long...
"Angel?"
"Ay, mahaba!" muntik na akong mabulunan at napatakip ng bibig.
"Ano? Anong mahaba?" as usual, pulos kabaliwanan na naman ang tinanong. He even had this malicious look on his eyes I chose to ignore.
"Mahaba ang... break ko!" palusot ko sabay abot sa kanya ng flowers ko, "you cooked?"
He didn't press me more but I know he's thinking of something funny.
"Oo," ngumisi siya bago naupo, napasinghap ako nang pasimple niyang hinila ang upuan ko kaya nagdikit ang braso namin. "Paborito mo 'to no'ng nasa probinsya pa kaya..."
My heart raced, napatawa pa ako nang makita ang tuyo doon at egg na may kamatis kaya tinuro ko iyon, nagpapalambing.
"Gusto ko 'yon," malambing kong sabi sabay turo at nga-nga. "Ahhh! Feed me!"
"Of course," he kissed my forehead briefly, taking all the childish whims I had away. Mas bumilis lang ang puso ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang dedicated sa ginagawa.
I stayed silent, finding no words to say to him. Pinunasan niya ng daliri ang gilid ng labi kong may butil ng kanin bago dalhin iyon sa labi niya para kainin.
Mas nag-init ang pisngi ko at mahigpit na humawak sa skirt, nagpipigil sa paghaharumentado.
"Sorry, 'di kita natawagan," aniya habang sumusubo rin ng kanya. "Pinuntahan ko kasi muna si Fritz at may kailangang asikasuhin sa embassy."
"Fritz..." hearing my little ballerina's name made me smile. I missed her. "How is she? Is her school done now? She's great, I'm sure!"
"Hmm..." tumango siya at sinubuan ako ng itlog na may kamatis, "nahirapan maka-adjust no'ng una pero Aussie na ngayon, h'wag ka, angel! Makikipaglaban na ng Inglesan 'yon sa 'yo! Ganda ng accent, parang dumugo na rin ilong ko."
I chuckled, inabot ko ang iced coffee ko at inilapit sa kanya kaya uminom siya ro'n.
"Is she coming here with you soon?"
"Oo," he's smiling genuinely, "tinatapos lang nila ang klase at nailipat ko na rin ang mga importanteng gamit namin sa bahay. Uuwi siguro ako ulit mga sa susunod na linggo para i-check."
"You're staying in Sta. Monica again?" I asked.
"Hindi na permanente siguro," aniya sa akin. "Main office kasi namin dito sa Maynila, baka bakasyon na lang muna sa Sta. Monica, pinapaayos ko kasi ang bahay do'n."
"Really?" my heart felt so soft while listening to him. It's his dream. To build a house for Fritzy and Nanay.
"Oo," ngumiti siya ng maliit. "Patapos na 'yong second floor, sayang nga lang kasi 'di na naabutan ni Nanay."
"I'm sure Nanay would be so proud," I reached for his palm and squeezed it. His dark orbs stared at me intently, softening.
"Thank you," nag-iwas siya ng tingin at sumeryoso. He suddenly looked distant upon reminiscing things.
"Sinong kasama niya do'n?" I asked to divert the topic.
"Kumuha ako ng kasama sa bahay," aniya. "Siya 'yong kasama ng anak ko ngayon. Mabait naman, halos mas bata lang kay Nanay. Filipina rin."
"Oh, mabuti naman at ayos lang sa kanya? Alam kong 'di ka naman ka-miss-miss pero hindi ka ba niya na-miss?"
His lips protruded.
"Grabe ka talaga, angel! Aping-api na 'ko sa 'yo, ah?" he touched his chest. I chuckled again and winked at him.
"Idiot," ngumiti akong muli, napapadalas talaga ata kapag ganito siya. Buti 'di pa sumasakit ang panga ko.
"Bagay na bagay talaga sa 'yong ngumiti," he noticed. My smile froze. Tinikom ko ang bibig at ngumuso sa kanya.
"Nakanguso ka naman ngayon?" he smiled lazily and stared at me intently. "Kahit ano atang ekspresyon mo patay na patay pa rin ako sa 'yo."
"Ikaw..." my heart raced. "Parang ka... Napakaano mo!" suminghap na ako at ramdam na ang pagsabog ng pisngi sabay malakas hampas sa kanya na nauwi sa singhap nang mahulog siya sa ginawa ko.
Solomon and Liza stayed during the duration of our shoot. Their support made me happy and excited, nga lang ay nahihiya ako kay Solomon na napapatakip pa sa bibig niya sa mga nangyayari.
"Oh, gano'n pala next na mangyayari," ani Liza sa kanya. "Grabe, boss! Level up na tayo!"
Solomon nodded, watching the screen in awe while they're replaying the scene. He looked so thrilled, like he's watching his favorite telenovela in 4D.
"Gago, ganito pala feeling kapag naka-angel premium," aniya na narinig ng buong set, dahilan para magtawanan sila.
"Ay, sorry po," gulat na ani niya nang matantong malakas ang pagkakasabi sabay awkward na ngisi. "Na-excite lang."
Napailing ako.
Sol and Liza were supportive. Parang may fans club pa nga ata silang dalawa at walang mintis sa kakapunta araw-araw para dalhan ako ng pagkain. If only I didn't know na hindi mahilig sa social media si Sol baka isipin kong may fan account 'tong mga 'to.
Si Liza p'wede pa, nakita ko siyang pinipicturan ako no'ng nakaraan. Pero si Sol? Hmm, I'm not sure if he's included.
Pero the flowers? It's the same arrangement as to what I've been receiving before. Hindi kaya si Liza ang may pakana?
"Baka tumaba naman ako niyan," reklamo ko nan ang magpapapyesta na naman ata sila.
"Tumataba ka ba? Hindi naman ata?" ani Liza sa akin, "sexy mo nga, eh!"
"Oo kaya, look at my cheek, oh. It's a bit fluffy I think?" sabay hawak ko sa pisngi. Liza reached for my cheek to see. Ngumuso ako pero 'di pa siya nakakapagkomento ay inagaw na ni Sol ang mukha ko.
My heart pounded rapidly when our eyes met. I stilled.
Seryoso ang mata niya habang pinapalibot ang tingin sa mukha ko. Naka-freeze tuloy ang nguso ko habang magkalapit ang mukha namin.
"Wala naman akong nakikita, puro kagandahan lang," if words could make someone melt. I'm in a liquid state right now.
His fingers brushed on my cheek down my jaw and smiled, "and if your cheek became fluffier, is there something wrong with it? Whatever your size and shape is, kahit maging cute pa 'yang pisngi mo maganda ka pa rin. Maganda ka palagi."
Oh, dear Lord. What did I do to have someone like him?
He was persistent. Hindi ko alam kung ano kami ngayon o kung magkakaroon ba ng meaning ang lahat ng 'to pero mas lalo ko lang siyang na-appreciate.
He was always serious while watching. Kapag break ko ay may nakahanda na akong bottled water from him, pinapaypayan pa ako at kahit anong pambibwisit sa akin ni Teresa ay 'di ko siya masyadong napapansin dahil sa mas mahalaga ang presensya ni Sol.
I was standing in the middle of the set while reading my next script when Sol came closer and shade me from the heat. Napangiti ako at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya na pinapayungan ako.
"Kabisado mo na?" he asked. Inilapit niya sa akin ang tubigan na may straw kaya sumimsim ako ro'n at nang matapos ay pinaypayan naman niya ako.
"Of course, ako pa ba?" I answered playfully.
"Of course, you are," he chuckled and moved closer behind me. I felt his chest touching my back, making me gasp. Napigil ko ang hininga nang isinandal niya ang chin sa balikat ko habang nakasilip sa script.
"May kissing scene ka?" aniya.
"W-Well..." nag-init ang pisngi ko at tumango, sumusulyap sa kanya mula sa balikat. "Why... ayaw mo ba?"
Nanahimik siya. I felt him tensing up behind me that I expected him saying yes but his answer made my heart jump.
"Sa 'kin lang dapat 'yang labi mo, Miss Sweet Lips," he started and breathed on my neck. "Pero ayaw ko namang maging makasarili. Trabaho mo 'yan, wala akong problema kung masaya ka sa ginagawa mo."
Mababaw ata ang luha ko dahil sa umaamba na ito ngayon. Huminga ako nang malalim sabay abot sa pisngi ni Sol sa balikat ko habang nagpapanggap pa ring nagbabasa ng script.
"Thank you..."
"Wala 'yon," aniya. "'Di mo naman kailangang magpasalamat sa mga bagay na parte ng propesyon mo. Basta hindi ka naaagrabyado, ayos ako."
"Aren't you jealous? Sabi mo mahal mo 'ko?" bulong ko.
"S'yempre seselos..." nakagat ko ang labi nang pumirmi at umikot ang braso niya sa tiyan ko habang nakatalikod kami sa mga tao at nakatakip ng payong sa paningin nila. "Nakakaselos na may ibang hahalik sa 'yo, lalo na 'yang gago mong ex pero anong magagawa kapag nag-amok ako, 'di ba? All I could do now, with that profession you have is to support you..."
I closed my eyes when his hug tightened.
"Akin ka pero hindi kita ikukulong ng ganito," he whispered. "I wanted to be that one you are labelling me. Solace. I wanna be your freedom, angel."
"Naks naman! Gwapo naman ng P.A.!" biglang entrada ni Liza kaya dali-dali akong pumihit sabay takip ng script sa mukha ko. "Kayo, ah—"
"Hindi kami nagyayakapan!" singhal ko na kay Liza pero nang unti-unting matanto ang nasabi ay natahimik na bigla. Tinawanan nila ako.
However, every happiness comes to an end. Hindi ko pinansin ang patingin-tingin ni Teresa kay Sol at panunuod sa amin kapag magkasama na nakakuha siya ng tyansa para sirain ang kasiyahan ko.
A few days after Sol came to the set and pampered me, a blind item emerged. I don't have to guess where it came from.
Barbara.
Finally, she found her chance now to ruin me.
I was devastated. Hindi nila inilabas ang mukha si Sol pero may mga blind item silang inilabas tungkol sa kanya—sa amin. It's about how he became a part of boy toy collection. And how people like Sol needed to get out of industry.
Kung ako raw ay mahilig mangolekta ng laruan, si Sol daw ay kumakapit sa sikat para sa negosyo. It was even mentioned that certain "man" I'm seeing was also in an auction in Cebu and that he's desperately crawling his way up to the social circle.
He's a male gold digger. They said.
My mother contacted me. My Dad even asked but he didn't press me more after seeing my face.
I know he was curious about that certain man the tabloid is mentioning but he understood me. Hindi siya umimik at hinayaan akong pumunta sa kwarto.
"Who was it, misis?" I heard him asking.
"Let me work on this, Zeij," Mom answered. "Let's give her some space."
I was grumpy. 'Yon ang napansin ko sa mga sumunod na araw. Wala si Sol sa araw na 'yon dahil daw sa trabaho at 'di ko siya sinagot, miski sa text.
"Cut! What the hell are you doing, Sibyl? Focus!" sigaw ng director sa akin.
"Sorry, direk," mahinang sinabi ko.
"Okay, five minutes muna!" he exclaimed, "ikondisyon mo ang sarili mo! Kailangan nating humabol sa airing!"
I nodded and apologized again. Kinuha ako nina Rey at Liza mula sa gitna at habang inaayusan ay naramdaman ko ang tingin kung saan.
My eyes caught Teresa's. She smirked and lifted her brow. Sumimsim siya sa inumin habang nagyayabang na nakatingin.
"Nakausap ko si Madame Alyx, Sib," bulong sa akin ni Rey. "Siya na raw ang bahala. Actually, as of now, the articles are down."
"Hmm..." walang-gana akong tumango.
"H'wag ka na malungkot," he squeezed my palm. "I know for sure Sol won't mind. Alam naman niyang hindi totoo."
He assured me. They assured me it's fine. It isn't. At least not for me.
Sol kept on texting. Hindi siya nakakapunta rito para sa trabaho at abala raw, nangakong dadaan kapag may free time pero alam kong naaapektuhan ang career niya ng akin.
Why is he so good? So good that it's hurting me. Too good. Too good for me.
I don't deserve such goodness. I don't.
Like how my defense mechanism work, I caged myself back in the bubble I struggled to get out. I let them see I'm fine but I really don't.
Nasasaktan ako para kay Sol. Opportunities are with him but just his association with me is ruining it for him.
Halo-halo ang naging reaksyon ng lahat. May kampi sa akin, may kampi sa article. They didn't even know the whole story but they loved the teas so much they are having the time of their lives.
RiaMercado: Run, mysterious man! Daming issues nakadikit sa babaeng 'yan! Sira career mo kung sino ka man lol
Markjay: may lalaki pa pa lang pumapatol dito? Lol, ni hindi naman magaling umarte! Trying hard masyado parang nanay niya! Sumayaw ka na lang! Ay... 'di ka na pala nakakasayaw hahahaha
RiaMercado: Oppsss! :D
GoTeresa: Go, Queen Teresa! Lampasuhin mo si trying hard!
TeresaLovers: Walang kupas grabe! Kahit sa ballet man o acting wala pa ring tatalo sa ating Queen!
Markjay: Trying hard kasi masyado. Mas okay pa sanang sumasayaw siya, bagay kasi maputi ang singit kaso napilay pala hahahaha sayang
Markjay: ganda ng katawan eh kaso sayang benta mo na lang sa producer yan! Bukaka ka don ka naman magaling
RiaMercado: Downfall part 2 ba to??? Mukhang may madadamay namang iba, ah?
Wala na akong maramdaman. I promised myself not to see other people's opinion because it doesn't define me. Pero 'di ibig sabihin no'y hindi na ako naaapektuhan.
Tao din naman ako...
My family reached out on me. Si Adi ay napadalas ang punta sa bahay pero nag-iiba lang ako ng topic, pinapakitang mas mahalaga sa aking suklayan ang buhok niyang sabog kaysa sa sabog kong buhay.
"Don't worry too much! I promise, inaasikaso na naman nina Kuya ang mga case. Don't worry." Adi assured me. "Dito lang ako palagi, ah? Kapag iiyak ka, sabihin mo, Sib. Kasi, iiyak din ako. Magkasama tayong iiyak."
I hugged her tightly, whispering her my thanks but it wasn't really enough to silence my struggling self-worth questions, it wasn't enough to silence these thoughts running inside my head. Isang salita galing sa iba lang ay nawala na lahat ng mga magagandang salita mula sa mga mahal ko.
How powerful words could be, hmm? How powerful is it to make a person whole then break it in shattered pieces the next time.
SibylProtectionSquad: WALA NAMAN KAYONG ALAM
Markjay: Ay may sumusuporta pala sa kanya??? hahahaha
SibylProtectionSquad: @Markjay Oo, kami, bakit?
Markjay: sus, iwan n'yo na 'di naman worth it! bat di na lang kayo sumuporta ng iba? Laos naman na 'yang trying hard na 'yan!
SibylProtectionSquad: Mas trying hard ka gago
Markjay: Tignan mo kahit fan page bastos? Boo, hanap na lang kayong ibang pagkakaabalahan! Wala naman kayong sweldo sa pagtatanggol diyan mag-sexy star na lang kamo siya
SibylProtectionSquad: Bakit? Ikaw, may sweldo ka ba para manira ng tao? Kung may bayad pagiging bastos at walang respeto milyonaryo ka na sana! Tanga!
Markjay: Gago ka ah!
SibylProtectionSquad: Hello, guys! We appreciate the love and support for our lovely Sibyl! We wanted to make it clear that all allegations to our angel are nothing but mere false information. Please not resort to any argument and rude approach in protecting her. Let's be kind.
I apologized in behalf of my co-admin, Admin S. Hindi na po ito mauulit.
-Admin L
I stared intently at the posts, realizing everything made sense. It was them... all this time it was them. They are supporting me in any way possible.
I don't. I don't deserve this.
Sa huling araw ng taping namin ay naroon siya, hindi ko inaasahan. Nag-ingay ang production staff nang dumating si Sol na may bulaklak at hawak na paperbag ng pagkain.
"Uy, si lover boy," nakangiting bulong ni Rey.
"Hindi kami," halos pabulong na sinabi ko na at sumulyap kay Sol na pinaghandaan ng upuan ng staff.
He thanked them and settled, kumaway pa siya sa akin at inangat ang bulaklak. Hindi alam ang gagawin, nag-iwas na lang ako.
"Hmm... persistent, huh?" in the duration of our breaks, Teresa found her way to mock me. "Tignan natin kung persistent pa pag nasira na nang tuluyan ang career?"
"Hindi kami, naiintindihan mo?" malamig kong sinabi, "at h'wag na h'wag mo siyang idadamay dito. Kung inggit ka sa mayro'n ako, ako ang punteryahin mo. H'wag mong idadamay ang ibang tao."
"Huh! Why would I even envy you? You have nothing, Sibyl. I can act! I can still dance! How about you? What do you have na wala ako?"
"Class." I lifted one finger, I enumerated. "Manners. Breeding."
Her eyes sharpened, "how dare you!"
"Oh, darling. I forgot, you also have something I didn't."
"What?"
"Audacity," I answered and flashed a cold smile. When her jaw dropped, I smirked and tilted my head to walk away.
Hindi ko pinansin si Sol na nag-aantay. Sa bawat break ay nakaabang siya sa akin dala-dala ang tubig, halatadong pagod sa trabaho dahil sa lamlam ng mga mata't suot na damit.
Sporting a white dress shirt and brown slacks. He looked so professional and yet here he was, fanning my face while giving me a bottled water.
"Ayos na sabi ako." Malamig kong sinabi.
"Isa pa," aniya, "kaunti lang ang ininom mo. Kumain ka na ba? May dala rin akong pagkain sa 'yo—"
"Sinabi nang mamaya na, 'di ba?" I spat coldly. He stopped.
I immediately regretted it, seeing the pain on his eyes.
"Sorry, sige," tumango siya at maliit na ngiti. "Upo lang ako do'n, antayin kita matapos. Sabay na rin tayo kumain. Sorry sa istorbo."
He smiled apologetically before turning his back and walked back to his chair.
Inabot na kami ng madaling-araw dahil last day na ng taping at anong oras na ay hindi pa rin umuuwi si Sol. Ilang beses ko na siyang sinulyapan at nahuhuling humihikab. Pinanlakihan niya ang mata pagkatapos at nag-unat pero matapos ng isang oras ay tulog na sa upuan niya, hawak ang bulaklak na para sa akin.
I squinted my eyes closed. My heart tugged painfully.
"Sib, pahigain natin sa tent mo?" bulong ni Rey.
I wanted to nod but he will think I'm concerned and I wanted to selfishly keep him which I already do but... not this way. Maybe, not in this lifetime.
"No, let him," I stopped Rey by further talking when I turned my back and started rehearsing for lines with the other actress pero nang nilingon ko siya'y naroon na sa gilid ni Sol.
Sol looked sleepy and yet, he smiled. Itinuturo ni Rey ang tent ko pero umiling lang si Sol at sumulyap sa akin. Nag-iwas ako.
"You're so selfish," Teresa mumbled beside me, "pulling other people with your downfall."
And it got stuck in my mind.
Dire-diretso ako sa van pagkatapos ng mag-ayos at naiwan na kami sa set.
"May maghahatid sa 'yo?" marahang tanong niya sabay tayo sa tabi ko, "'di na malamig ang kape mo, sorry. Gusto mo pa ba? P'wede pa akong—"
"Ayos na, salamat." Tipid kong sabi habang inaayos ang bag.
"Bulaklak," he muttered. "For you."
"Thanks," mabilis kong kinuha sa braso niya ang bulaklak at nilapag sa lamesa.
Tumulong siya sa akin sa pagsakop ng mga script ko para ilagay sa folder habang nag-aantay sina Rey sa van sa 'di kalayuan. Nilingon ko siya.
"Bakit ka pa nandito? 'Di ba, sinabi ko sa 'yong umuwi ka na?"
"Hmm?" he shot his brow up and glanced at me sideways, "nag-text ako sa 'yo, abala ako sa trabaho kaya 'di kita nabisita. Ngayon naman maaga ako nakauwi kaya nandito ako. Gusto lang kitang makita."
I was frozen in place hearing the genuine tone he had.
"H'wag ka nang mag-abala," umiling ako. "I hope this would be the last time you'll go here, okay?"
"Bakit?" nagtataka niyang tanong. "Bawal... na ba?" nag-aalangan siya.
"I just..." I swallowed the lump on my throat. "I just don't want you here, Mr. Alejo."
"Sib..." he called, kumukunot ang noo at hinarap na ako. "What is it? May... may mali ba akong nagawa?"
I bit my lower lip and stared at him intently.
His eyes softened, "tell me, hmm? Have I done something wrong? May 'di ka ba nagustuhang nangyari? Tell me. Let's talk about it to fix—"
"There's nothing to fix, Sol," acid dripped on my voice. "Hindi naman tayo—hindi magiging tayo. Walang tayo."
Pain reflected on his eyes but he nodded, moistening his lower lip.
"Alam ko," he nodded. "Willing naman akong maghintay. Kahit gaano katagal, Sib. Sabihin mo lang—hindi, kahit 'di mo sabihin gaano katagal handa naman akong maghintay."
"I won't give you a chance," I shook my head. "There no us to give a chance."
"Liligawan kita," he answered. "Nililigawan kita, Sib. Hindi ko nalinaw pero kaya ako nandito para sa 'yo."
"Wala akong pakialam!" I snapped. "Ayoko na! Ayoko sa atin! Ayoko sa 'yo! Ayokong nandito ka pa rin sa buhay ko pagkatapos ng lahat!"
"Sib..." kalmado niyang tawag, "mag-usap tayo ng mahinahon, hmm? Hindi kailangang magtaasan ng boses."
"No, I am raising my voice because you just won't listen!" I sighed loudly, "can't you see your career is affected? Because of me?"
"What are you saying..." kumunot ang noo niya.
"Oh, don't play with me, Sol!" suminghap ako, "let's stop pretending that it was nothing to you! Stop pretending us is possible because it is fucking not!"
"Sibyl..." his jaw clenched, "I am not forcing you, handa akong maghintay, 'di ba? Sinabi ko na sa 'yo? 'Yong mga sinasabi ng tao, hayaan mo sila. Wala naman silang alam sa 'yo. Wala silang alam sa atin. Wala silang alam sa pinagdaan mo—"
"Paano ang sa 'yo?" kumunot ang noo ko, "are you forgetting the pain I've put you through, Solomon? Nakalimutan mo na ba ang ginawa ko sa 'yo? Pinagpustahan ka namin! Pinaglaruan! I caged you with the idea what we had was genuine!"
"I closed my mind into listening because I was hurt, Sib," his jaw clenched. "Pero inintindi ko. Nabulag ako sa galit pero alam kong lahat ng pinakita mo sa amin ng anak ko ay totoo! Mali ako sa sinabi ko sa 'yo noon at handa akong pagsisihan 'yon at humingi ng tyansa—"
"What you said before was the truth," I combed my hair frustratedly. "Look at you now! You became successful because I left! Look at you and think what would happen if I caged you with me! Masasakal kita!"
"Hindi mo ako sinasakal, Sibyl!" he closed his eyes tightly. "Hindi... hindi ka gano'n..."
My eyes stung. Hinawi ko ang luha ko.
"Stop labelling me like I'm some saint. I'm not! Angel? No, Sol! My presence will be your downfall! I let you down in our relationship before! Tapos ngayon? Pati ang trabaho mo naaapektuhan na dahil sa akin! Nakakasakal ako, Sol! Look at us now! Look at what those tabloids are saying! What? You're a gold digger? Na kapit sa sikat? No, Sol! See what's happening—"
"Your opinion of me is the only thing that matters," mahinahon niyang sinabi. "Kaya kong tumayo sa mga paa ko kahit anong sabihin nila sa akin! Kasi alam ko ang kaya ko! Ang abilidad ko! Kilala ko ang sarili ko! Kilala mo ako! Ng mga mahal ko! Iisipin ko pa ba sila?"
"You're crazy..." umiling ako at tinulak siya nang lumapit siya. "Let's stop this, Solomon."
"Angel..." his eyes are bloodshot as he stared at me. "Mahal mo pa ako..."
Bumuntonghininga ako at umiling, "let go—"
"What's stopping you from loving me, then?" he sounded so desperate while grasping my palm. "Tell me, baby, please. I'll... I'll fight for you, hmm? Please, don't cage yourself with their opinion of us. We know better—"
"Yes, we know better! Kaya alam dapat nating hindi tayo p'wede sa isa't-isa, Solomon!" I exclaimed loudly.
"Angel..." his voice turned somber, "don't say that—"
"Oo, mahal kita! Mahal kita pero itong pagmamahal na 'to? Walang ikakabuti 'to! Hindi sa ating dalawa!" I screamed, "kaya p'wede bang... p'wede bang pakawalan mo na 'ko?"
"Sibyl..." he closed his eyes tightly and when he opened it, I saw a tear fell. "Baby, please..."
Mas sumikip ang dibdib ko nang makita ang desperasyon sa kanya. Malakas na akong napasinghap nang unti-unti'y ibinaba niya ang sarili, lumuluhod sa harapan ko.
"W-What the fuck are you doing?!" my voice shook. My tears fell more. "Tumayo ka d'yan!"
"Tell me," he mumbled desperately, his eyes stuck on mine. "Tell me what I could do... sabihin mo paano kita makukumbinsing p'wede pa tayo? G-Gagawin ko lahat, Sib."
"No..." I shook my head. "Sol, please... just... stand and..."
"Gagawin ko lahat!" he sounded so desperate, even kissing my palms. "Parang-awa mo na, gagawin ko lahat... sabihin mo lang. Sabihin mo lang gagawin ko. You want me to kneel more? I-I'd..." tinungo niya ang ulo at yumakap na sa paa ko kaya nauwi na ako sa paghagulgol.
"S-Solomon!"
"I'll do everything, anything!" he frustratedly exclaimed, "I'm b-begging you, angel, please... h'wag mo n-naman akong itulak palayo."
"Masasaktan ka lang, Solomon!"
"Mas masasaktan ako kapag wala ka!" he lifted his bloodshot eyes at me. "Sa tingin mo ba nagsumikap lang ako para sa amin ni Fritzy? Nagsumikap ako para rin sa 'yo! Para k-kapag bumalik ako... kapag maayos ka na... kapag p'wede na tayo may maipagmamalaki na ako sa 'yo! H-Hindi na ako walang pinag-aralan..."
"S-Stop it..." I cried and pulled him up, "d-don't say that! Stop degrading yourself!"
"Then, stop degrading yours, too!" He snapped and when I cried and fell on the ground, he cupped my cheek. "P-Paanong maniniwala ako sa 'yong h'wag ibaba ang sarili kung gano'n din ang ginagawa mo sa sarili mo?"
"I-I don't deserve you," my voice cracked. "I-I don't, Sol. I'm nothing—"
"You are my everything!" he exclaimed, "stop insulting me..."
Kumunot ang noo ko.
"You are nothing? Paano naman akong ikaw ang lahat sa akin, hmm?" his bloodshot eyes seek for mine.
Umiling ako, "I'm m-messed up, c-can't you see?"
"Let's be mess together, then," he mumbled.
I stared at him. Crying, I made up my mind and sighed loudly.
"Sorry..." mahinang sabi ko at umatras para tumayo, "l-leave, Sol. I'm no good for you. You... you deserved someone better."
I left him kneeling on the ground, his bloodshot eyes begging for me. I was so tempted to be selfish and take him back. I want not to care much about our careers and messed up with each others lives pero hindi naman gano'n ang pagmamahal, hindi ba?
I was crying on our way home but Rey and Sandra didn't ask me a thing which I appreciated. I'm worried my parents would see me crying kaya sa condo ko ako nagpadala at umiyak doon buong gabi, yakap-yakap ang unan.
I touched my necklace while staring at the old videos of me dancing ballet in the screen of my television. I was sobbing while clutching my chest.
Gusto ko si Sol. Gusto kong umarte. Gusto kong sumayaw ulit. Gustong-gusto ko pero hindi na p'wede.
Hindi kami p'wede ni Sol. Hindi ako magaling sa pag-arte. Hindi na ako ulit makakasayaw.
Mas napahagulgol ako't nagmukmok sa condo buong araw kinabukasan kaya gulat na gulat ako pagkagising ng mag-gagabi na at nakita ang pamilya ko sa kwarto.
"Princess..." I covered my face when Dad stood from resting on the couch.
"D-Dad..." my voice broke, "what are you doing here?"
"Hmm? Wala naman, binibisita ko lang pretty ghourl ko." He smiled gently, "'di mo ba na-miss si Daddy Pogi?"
He spread his arms and like a kid, I stood from the bed and hugged him. I didn't mind my swollen eyes from nonstop crying and felt my father's warmth. He gave me comfort.
"Umiiyak ang ganda ko," he mumbled and moved a bit to cupped my cheek, hinawi niya ang luha ko nang marahan. "What is it, anak? Sinong umaway sa 'yo, hmm? Susuntukin 'yan ni Daddy ng malakas. Tulog sila."
I cried more instead while laughing. Niyakap niya ako.
"D-Daddy," I cried. "D-Dad, 'di k-ko na po alam... b-bumabalik na naman. N-Nahihirapan na po a-ako..."
"Shh..." he hummed on my ear, I heard him sniffing. "It's okay, cry it out, hmm? I will protect you. D-Daddy will cry with you. Iiyak tayong dalawa."
I melted and sobbed endlessly na kinailangan pa niya akong buhatin pabalik sa kama at hinawi ang mga luha ko.
The door opened, we saw my Mom entering with a tray of foods on her hand.
"I hope I didn't disturb you two," she smiled gently and went closer.
I crawled closer to her for a hug.
"Oh, my princess," she whispered. "Mommy and Daddy are always here for you. I know, this industry is so hard, naranasan ko na ang ganyan anak kaya sana, hayaan mo si Mommy na nandito para sa 'yo."
Pinagitnaan ako nina Mommy at Daddy sa kama habang nagpe-play ang mga previous recital ko na katulugan kong panoorin kanina. It was in a loop. Repeating again and again in an endless cycle.
"Alam n'yo bang ang bilog ay circle?" muntik na akong mabulunan ng mansanas sa entrada ni Daddy.
"Ano ba 'yan, Zeijan!" Mom almost choked in shock, too. "Magseryoso ka nga, tignan mo 'yong prinsesa..."
"Pinapatawa ko lang kayo," Dad chuckled and fed me a piece of sliced apple again. "Pero seryoso na, related kasi do'n ang sasabihin ko."
Inalis ko ang tingin sa T.V. at sinulyapan siya.
"Alam n'yo kasi ang buhay, parang life," madrama niyang sabi. Mom and I both groaned.
He cackled when Mom attempted to smack him with a pillow, "joke lang! Ito na seryoso," tumikhim siya at inayos ang shirt niya.
"Life is like circle," aniya. We stared at him intently. "Teka, wait! 'Di pa tapos, iniisip ko pa ang kasunod."
Nagpigil ako ng ngiti at nahuli ko ang pagliwanag ng mukha ni Daddy sa nangyari.
"If we caged ourselves in endless possibilities, we'll get trap in circles. Like loops." He lifted his finger and made a circle shape in the air. "Alam naman natin ang bilog, walang katapusan. Walang exit. Pabalik-balik ka lang."
"We couldn't control what will happen to us. Each day, we struggle for possibilities and what ifs. If we couldn't predict what would happen now, bakit masyado tayong nagkukulong sa sarili natin kakaisip at problema sa kinabukasan? Life is taking risks. Every day, we're in silent battles and wars. Not be physically but mentally, we're struggling with something. Each decision, even the tiniest will affect what our future would be, anak."
I stared at him.
"I'm no good with advices because you know me, right? But as a father, and as someone who got through toughest parts of life—from losing your Tita Zidney before, almost losing Mommy Lena and si Misis..." sumulyap siya kay Mom. "Naranasan ko na ang ganyan, anak. Na hindi makausad at nakukulong sa sariling mundo sa dami nang iniisip. Ang nagkukulong sa sarili natin ay walang iba kung hindi tayo rin."
"It was us who make choices what would our lives turn out. Will we cage ourselves in an endless circle with no way out or stop spinning and accept we can't continue doing the same things again and again? We are humans, anak. We make mistakes, we make fucked up decisions at nagsisisi tayo. Ang tanong, buong buhay ka bang makukulong sa pace na 'yon sa buhay mo or accept the consequences, stand up and stop moving in circles?"
It made me think.
"But... those people, what they're saying was the truth." Bulong ko sa hangin, "I'm no good to the people around me, I'm not a great actress. T-Trying hard and... I couldn't... I couldn't even d-dance anymore." My voice broke.
"You aren't, darling," Mom squeezed my palm. "Hindi gano'n, 'di ganyan ang tingin namin sa 'yo. We are your family at mahal ka namin, we accept everything. Your flaws and everything. And who told you you're not a good actress? I'm a veteran! I know a great one when I saw one..."
Mas kumislap ang mata ko at hinaplos ni Mommy ang pisngi ko.
"R-Really?"
"They said mother knows best," she mumbled. "As a mother and as a fellow actress, anak, ang galing mo. M-Mommy..." her eyes swelled. "Mommy and Daddy are so proud of y-you..."
I sniffed. Dad squeezed my palm.
"Alam mo bang sa Mommy na palabas mo lang ako nag-aadik? Pero no'ng artista na rin ang super talented at magandang perfect kong pretty ghourl, mas matagal na akong nakatutok sa T.V., anak." Dad smiled gently, his blue eyes softened. "Medyo malabo na nga ata mata ni Daddy mo pero kapag kayong dalawa ang nasa screen nagti-20/20 vision ako. Sabi ko nga, grabe sa galing, nakaka-sheyt sa galing. Galing na kontrabida, gusto kitang sabunutan sa screen, anak."
I cackled but then sniffed again when Dad pressed a kiss on my cheek.
"I'm so proud of you, princess. Not just for being a great dancer, actress and a talented photographer. I'm so proud of how brave you are."
I cried more and hugged them both.
"But I still... G-Gusto kong..." my chest felt heavier. "G-Gusto ko pong s-sumayaw u-ulit. Gusto k-ko..." I cried.
They hugged me for comfort. They cried with me and it felt lighter after.
Nakasandal na ako sa balikat ni Daddy matapos no'n at si Mommy ay hawak-hawak ang kamay ko habang pinapanuod namin ang video sa T.V. It was my first time seeing it. My Dad brought it here.
It was now my very first ballet recital. I was a kid. Maybe around six or something?
I was in the middle and was struggling, afraid of people in stage.
"Ang cute ni pretty ghourl, oh!" Dad pointed the screen. I smiled.
Bata pa lang ay star na ako sa ballet at kitang-kita ang pink tutu ko habang nasa gitna at may korona. The song started and I was expecting the little Sibyl dancing but she was frozen in place.
"Oh..." I gasped, "why am I stunned?"
"Stage fright," Mommy answered. I stopped and glanced at her.
"I do?"
"Yes," she smiled. "Gusto mong sumayaw pero kinakabahan ka sa maraming tao bukod sa mga kasama ko."
Oh, God. I was embarrassed by the little Sibyl in the video who was stunned even if the song started and her co-ballerinas are dancing in not so sync ways. She was frozen like a chuck of ice, pale and gripping her tutu.
Dance, come on! I exclaimed inside my head.
Then a few seconds later, a familiar man went on stage. Napanganga ako nang makita si Daddy na umaakyat na sa stage habang buhat pa ang toddler na si Zirena sa braso niya.
Mommy laughed, "tignan mo ang Tatay mong bida-bida!"
Confused, the little Sibyl glanced at her father who went in the middle of the stage beside her with the mini Zirena holding her milk bottle in front. And he's wearing a pink tutu!
"What the heck?" turo ko sa T.V. sabay tawa. Daddy blushed shyly.
"Bakit? Bagay naman sa akin, ah?" ngisi niya, nahihiya.
I watched intently and then slowly, Dad whispered something to the little Sibyl. Her eyes brightened and gently, Dad lifted his hand like the ballet dance steps, as if teaching the little Sibyl the correct moves.
Oh, God...
Narinig ko ang tawanan sa crowd pero si Daddy ay walang hiya-hiyang ginaya ang steps ng mga mga batang ballerina, he even tiptoed and twirled.
"P'wede ba mabulag saglit?" Dad asked. Napatawa ng malakas si Mommy pero nanatili lang akong nanunuod at nakita ang batang Sibyl na sumasabay na at ginagaya ang kanyang Daddy Zeijan.
Slowly, the frightened mini Sibyl overcame her fears and while mimicking her father, she started dancing, too.
My eyes swelled.
"Go, Sibyl! Ang galing mo!" I know my family was screaming in the camera.
"Ginalingan masyado, go, Zeijan beybe!" Tito Dash screamed happily and then in the camera, sumilip ang batang si Adi na may kagat pang lollipop at kumaway.
"Galing naman ikaw, Sibyl!" Adi screamed happily, "wow! Ballet ikaw!"
The next video was me in the middle, takot pa rin ako sa sumunod pero ang Daddy ko ay nasa ibaba ng stage, katabi ang coach at may hawak pang wand at naka-tutu dahil alam niyang siya ang papanoorin at susundin ko.
"Go, pretty ghourl! Galing naman ng anak ko! Ayan, twirl!" he said happily. Shamelessly. He looked like an idiot, honestly but I was touched.
Hinawi ko ang luha ko at kinagat ang labi.
"Sibyl is the best!" my whole family cheered in one of my recitals where my Dad wasn't assisting me anymore, may banner pa sila at sa camera ay sumisigaw.
Mas naiyak ako.
"D-Dad... t-thank you..." I cried and hugged him, narinig ko ang singhot niya bago humalik sa buhok ko.
"We believe in you, anak," Daddy assured. "You can dance again."
"B-But I'm not that great anymore. My knees are weak." I whispered.
"Look," he whispered then moved away. Tinuro niya ang T.V. kaya nakita ko ang batang Sibyl na malaki ang ngiti at umiikot sa stage, hindi man sync ang steps ay masayang-masaya.
"Look at her," he pointed me in the screen, "can you say to that little kid she couldn't dance?"
I bit my lip.
"Sa bawat sinasabi mong 'di mo kaya, sinasabi mo sa kanyang hindi niya kaya..." Dad said gently, "tignan mo siya, hindi magaling sa una. Hindi man sabay sa ritmo ng musika ang ang galaw ng paa, natuto siya. Walang magaling sa una, anak. Look how the little Sibyl went from scared into confident? Do you think she started as a pro? No? She fell and tumbled on the ground first but... look, she stood again."
"D-Dad..."
"What's important is that the small Sibyl made it to here, now," inilahad niya ako. "Mas gumagaling. Nasasaktan pero hindi susuko? Tatayo sa pagkakadapa."
I sniffed and nodded my head.
"Dad, Mom..." sinulyapan ko sila, "t-thank you."
"Freedom isn't just with the help of other people, anak," Mommy smiled with tears on her eyes. "Freedom, also, is letting yourself go. Letting the little Sibyl escape again and have fun, letting the little Sibyl guide her matured self to not stop hoping. To find her peace. Her freedom. Her Solace."
I was hugging my parents when we heard a loud stereo from outside of the door. Maya-maya pa ay bumukas iyon at nangunot ang noo ko nang makita si Kuya Zy na buhat ang speaker habang nasa braso si Twinkle na sumasayaw din.
Zire twerked her way inside and sang, "let's party!"
The familiar Levitating song from Dua Lipa played, sending me the déjà vu. Biglang tumayo si Daddy at inilahad ang kamay niya.
"Dance with us, pretty ghourl," confused and smiling, I took Dad's hand and stood.
Binaba ni Kuya si Twinkle sa lapag na biglang ginaya si Zirena na kumekembot ang pwet.
"Oh, God!" Mom gasped loudly, "Zirena, ang kapatid mo! Twila Klein!"
"Twerk!" she said happily and danced with her Ate Zire.
Pinaikot ako ni Dad sa braso niya. I chuckled and danced, too.
"Sinong the best?!" Kuya exclaimed.
"Sibyl!" they sang altogether with the beat at ang iyak ko'y naglaho habang tumatawa.
Dad and Mom danced, si Kuya ay feel na feel ang yakap niya sa speaker sabay pang-robot na dance steps niya. Twinkle was mimicking Zire kaya nang hinila na nila ako ay hinawi ko ang buhok ko.
"Sorry, huh? Wala kayo kapag nakita n'yo 'kong mag-twerk!" I exclaimed and when I mimicked Zirena's booty moves, halos 'di na kami makahinga sa kakatawa. Bumalentong pa ako sa sahig, naghahabol ng hininga sa kagagahan habang pumapalakpak.
"Grabe talagang family na 'to, ang perfect!" Dad exclaimed and I agreed. This sounded like a hopeless case but this family... they are the best.
I haven't had the chance to see Sol again. He didn't text me again.
I went to States for a week for my monthly check-up with Uncle Roux. Kasama ko si Twinkle na nag-e-enjoy sa kakatingin ng mga view sa ibang bansa. Behave lang siya at ginagaya pa madalas ang ginagawa ko.
Our eyes met. She smiled cutely at me.
"Come here, baby," marahang sinabi ko at niyakap siya. "You think Ate Sib could dance again?"
"Opow," she mumbled. "Sabi po Tito dance ikaw po..." sabay layo niya sa akin, taas ng kamay at ikot na parang ballerina.
I chuckled. She's adorable.
Ang ganda-ganda pa ng kulay ng mga mata. Marahang inabot ko siya at pinugpog ng halik ang kanyang matambok na pisngi.
Baon-baon ko 'yon pagkauwi ng Pinas nang maka-receive ng tawag mula kay Rendle na scout ko sa acting. He said it was an urgent meeting for a movie. He could see me starring the movie and I was glad.
He sent me the details and I realized it was a bit closer to Sta. Monica! From the location, I could ride a bus for an hour and half tapos diretso ako sa mansyon! Sina Mama at Papa kasi ay nasa ancestral. Tamang-tama!
I kept it a secret. I told my parents I will spend some time somewhere and they let me. I also did not contact Rey, not wanting to call my manager since alam kong hihindi siya dito. He said my name right now is in the rocks and it's better to lie low.
But... I wanna do something productive. Baka mabaliw na ako nang tuluyan kapag nanahimik na naman ako.
A movie starring me sounds great. Maybe I could hone my skills more.
But what I wasn't expecting was the quick consequences of my action. I reached a large mansion and went into the producer's study, on to be shocked with what he wanted.
"Sleep with me and I will do my best to make you the star," he offered.
"L-Let me go!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, pushing him away from me.
"H'wag mo akong artehan!" he exclaimed, napangiwi ako nang tumama ang kanyang palad sa pisngi ko.
"Y-You asshole!" I screamed, mabilis siyang tinulak palayo sa akin.
He cursed out loud, akmang susugod muli pero malakas ako at naalala ang turo sa akin ng Dad at Kuya para sa self-defense.
"A-Aba, pokpok ka!" he exclaimed, was about to attack me again when I kicked his balls.
Napasigaw siya sa galit, napatalon siya, hawak ang kanyang pantalon, gusto pang manugod pero walang pakundangan kong sinapak ang mukha niya.
He fell on the ground, dumadaing siya sa lapag.
"Y-You bitch!" he exclaimed. "A-Ang kapal ng mukha mo! K-Kung hindi dahil sa akin, wala kang debut sa pag-arte! L-Laos ka na rin kagaya ng Nanay mo—"
I kicked his face, galit ako sa ginawa niya sa akin pero mas dumagdag lang ang galit sa biglang pagdamay niya sa Mommy ko.
"I don't need your fucking help, asshole!" I cursed, dumudugo na ang kanyang ilong.
"Serves you right," I hissed coldly and brushed my hair.
Mabilis akong tumakbo sa pintuan at binuksan iyon para makatakbo palabas pero biglang umalingawngaw ang sigaw niya.
"N-Nakatakas! G-Get her!" he screamed.
"Shit!" I cursed and ran before his stupid goons get me.
My heart is pounding hard, hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakatakas sa kanila.
I ran outside, mabuti na lang at walang bantay at nakalabas ako kaagad.
I looked around, kinapa ang phone sa bag pero napamura nang matantong nahulog ko ata kung saan.
I cursed loudly, looking around the secluded area where the mansion was. Kumakalabog ang puso ko sa kaba, I'm afraid they'll get me. Baka may gawin silang masama.
My parents trained me well but I am not that skilled!
My eyes got fixed to a truck parked near me. Tela lang ang takip nito sa likod.
I was hesitant at first, natatakot na pumasok doon at magtago pero mas natatakot akong makuha ng mga gagong iyon kaya suminghap ako at mabilis na tinulak ang gate para tumakbo patungo roon.
It was kinda hard entering the truck, mataas at naka-heels at dress pa ako pero parang lalaki akong sumampa roon, wala nang pakialam at basta makalayo na lang.
Pagpasok ko ay puro gulay ang nasa loob, kinagat ko ang labi ko at nagtago sa may karton, yakap ang hita at nagtatago ng ulo. Kinakabahan at punong-puno ng takot.
"Tang ina! Natakasan tayo! Nasaan na ba 'yon?!" I heard their voices.
"Puta! Hanapin n'yo! Kapag 'yan nagsumbong sa pulis patay tayo!" I gasped and covered my lips. Nag-usap pa sila sa may gilid ng truck kaya tahimik na nagtago ako roon.
My heart hammered inside my chest, nangingilid na ang luha sa takot. I am afraid they'll find me. I'm afraid they'll hurt me.
No, I can't get hurt! Daddy will be mad! He will cry!
I froze when the truck moved, halos mapatalon ako nang umandar paalis ang truck. Gusto kong tumalon palabas pero biglang naisip ang mga nag-aabang sa akin kaya takot na muli akong nagtago at inisip kung saan ako mapapadpad.
I was shaking in fear. I had escaped and it's a good thing, however, the memory of him touching my shoulder lewdly made me shiver.
I have to report this but how?
Malayo ang naging biyahe, siguro'y dahil sa takot at pagod ay hinila ako ng antok at nakatulog.
I only woke up when I heard a loud voice, may humawak sa akin na halos manghatak kaya napatalon ako bigla.
"Sino ka?!" I gasped when an old man pulled me harshly out of the truck, muntik pa akong madapa kaya napasinghap ako sa gulat.
"Sumagot ka! Sino ka?!" I was a bit disoriented by that, gulong napatingin ako sa matanda na galit na galit. "Magnanakaw ka, ano?!"
"W-What? H-Hindi po!" I exclaimed, horrified.
"Bakit ka nand'yan, huh?! Siguro nagnanakaw ka—"
"H-Hindi po!" nanginig ang boses ko, natatakot na. "M-Magpapaliwanag po ako, t-tatawagan ko lang po ang pamilya—"
"Sa barangay ka na magpaliwanag!" I gasped when he pulled my arm harshly, nanginig ako sa takot, muling sumagi sa utak kung paano ako hinawakan ng matanda kanina.
I desperately shook my head. Showing him my pleading eyes. I have to go home! Paano kapag maabutan ako ng mga 'yon?
"P-Parang awa n'yo na po—"
"Ano 'yan, Tay Lito?" I stopped when I heard a voice.
I am still shaking, my eyes watered more when I saw a tall man came from nowhere, kunot ang noo at seryoso pero bahagyang nanlaki ang mata nang makita ako.
Sol... oh my God, Sol!
Gusto kong umiyak at yakapin siya pero nanginginig lang ako.
"Oh, ito kasi nasa truck ko, magnanakaw—"
"H-Hindi..." I shook my head, staring at the tall man.
"Anong hindi? Oh, bakit ka nasa loob ng truck?!" he exclaimed.
"H-Hindi po talaga," I shook my head.
Sol's jaw is clenching, his voice is cold. He's mad. I know he is. Mas nilakumos ko ang skirt ng dress ko sa kaba.
"Hindi 'yan magnanakaw, Tay Lito." Miski ako ay natigilan nang magsalita ang huli, nagkatinginan kami at nakita ko ang seryoso niyang itim na mata.
"Aba't kilala mo ba ito?" the old man asked. He remained staring at the old man's grip on my arm. Mas dumilim ang tingin niya at binasa ang labi.
Sol nodded, muling hinanap ang mata ko at nagitla pa ako nang hinuli nito ang braso ko mula sa matanda.
"Ayos lang po, Tay. Kilala ko iyan." The old man let me go, mas bumilis ang kalabog ng puso ko nang marahang hinawakan ng matangkad ang braso ko at unti-unti akong inilapit sa kanya.
"Pero, hijo—"
"Kilala ko po ito, ayos lang. Puntahan kita mamaya para magpaliwanag." The man answered formally and I gasped.
"Oh, s-siya, sige." The man nodded, glanced at me and shook his head. "Mamaya, ah?"
"Opo," he answered.
The old man left, muli kaming nagkatinginan ni Sol at doon ay napailing siya. Naghahalo ang pagtataka at concern sa kanya pero mas nangibabaw ang lamig. Unti-unting hinubad ang maong na jacket at inilagay sa balikat ko.
"S-Sol... I..."
"Sa bahay ka muna," pinutol niya ako't hinawakan ang kamay ko at hinila.
I am still feeling bad about what's happening. I realized we're in Sta. Monica market, the truck took me here and Sol, he was mad but he's still holding me like this.
Wala siyang naging imik patungo kung saan habang hawak ako hanggang sa may tumawag sa kanyang matanda. Nag-usap sila, nakita ko ang pagsulyap ng huli sa kamay kong hawak ni Sol kaya nahihiyang hinila ko paalis ang kamay.
Sol glanced at me. His cold eyes sharpened in confusion.
Tinago ko ang kamay ko at tahimik na nakinig sa kanila.
When the old lady left, muling inabot ni Sol ang braso ko pero umatras akong muli, hiyang-hiya.
"Alright," he sighed. "I get it that you don't want me, pero pati ba naman pag-alalay ayaw mo?"
"Hindi..." umiling ako. "Hindi naman sa gano'n."
"Tara sa sasakyan," he sighed. He pursed his lips and walked away, dali-dali akong sumunod sa kanya.
Malalaki ang kanyang hakbang palayo at humabol ako, natutulala pa rin at kinakabahan. Sa galit niya at sa nangyari kanina pero wala akong masabing kung ano.
How was it that it was too easy telling other people to say they're harassed pero mahirap gawin kapag ikaw na? Parang nakakatakot? Parang nakakahiya... nakakaabala.
Ang matangkad niyang likod ay kitang-kita ko sa lamp post na nadadaan. From the distance, I could see a black car pero 'yon na lang ang singhap ko nang mapatid at tuluyan nang bumagsak sa lupa.
My knees got scratched.
"A-Aray..." bulong ko sabay hawak sa hita at doon ay tuluyan nang nangilid ang luha.
"Fuck..." I heard him curse. I heard his footsteps coming closer to me and when he knelt and cupped my cheek, his eyes are serious and seeking for mine.
"Ayos ka lang?" he asked hastily.
"M-Ma..." I sniffed and cried, "S-Sol, masakit... t-takot ako..." ngawa ko at narinig ko ang sunod-sunod niyang mura bago ako hawakan at niyakap.
"Dapat galit ako," he breathed and kissed my hair. "Tang ina, hindi talaga kita matiis..." mas humigpit ang yakap niya.
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