CHAPTER 42
The trainee who shot Samira has been in a state of guilt and unable to sleep for several days since Samira's death. Simultaneously, Viv has also stayed up all the time, although she still completed her daily training activities well; otherwise, she was just absent-minded. Outsiders would think that Viv had returned to her normal, introverted, emotionless mood, but no one knew that her eyes were empty.
Daph was the captain of a trainee branch in the camp at that time. During her lunch break duty, she went around Block B to check the trainees' rooms. When Daph passed by Viv's room, she saw Viv lying on the lower bunk, her body curled up facing the corner of the wall. Daph didn't hear any sound or see any movement coming from her. Daph approached very carefully to check on Viv's condition; perhaps Viv was too sad and tired, so she let down her guard and didn't realize someone was approaching her. Daph saw her burying her face in the pillow, part of her face revealing her red eyes, while her normally white skin was now even paler. She was breathing so lightly that Daph suspected she had stopped breathing.
Daph was a little startled and worried. Her hands instinctively wanted to touch Viv's face to check, but this time Viv suddenly reacted and jumped up slightly to avoid it. Viv slowly raised her head, looking at Daph with a mixture of wariness and confusion.
"What are you doing here?" Viv asked lightly, her voice mixed with trembling.
"My duty is to check all the chambers and make sure everybody is fine," Daph quickly withdrew her hand and replied in a calm voice to hide her confusion.
"Everything is fine... Can you please leave my bunk? ... I want to be alone for a moment," Viv didn't even look at Daph and said dryly, then she lay back down facing the wall. Her whole body was so weak and tired that she could no longer hide it.
Daph clicked her tongue; she still did not leave the room, just staring at Viv's back for so long that Viv started to feel uncomfortable. When she couldn't stand it anymore, Viv turned around in annoyance with the intention of scolding Daph.
"Why are you so fucking annoying..." Before Viv could even finish speaking, Daph interrupted her, her tone calm and gentle in an attempt to reassure Viv.
"I know you are suffering... She was my friend... I feel for you" as she spoke, she slowly approached Viv. Although Viv still avoided following Daph's movements, Daph continued to speak.
"How much would it hurt her to see you like that? ... torturing yourself ... by sorrowing to death?" Daph whispered and approached Viv slowly.
After hearing that, Viv froze for a moment. She wiped her tears lightly and finally looked at Daph with her clouded gaze from depression.
"I think she wouldn't... because I'm trying not to kill myself" Viv murmured to Daph with her slightly trembling voice, then she continued, "At least I will try to live."
Daph heard that and was silent for a long time. She didn't dare touch Viv for too long; she just rubbed her arm as if to comfort her, then whispered softly, "Yeah... You should live, not just survive."
The trainee whom Viv assumed had unintentionally "murdered" Samira was named Asher. He was always scared and couldn't sleep because he would constantly remember the moment he shot Samira. He had sleepwalked and gone to the previous accident area many times. When he couldn't stand the pressure and paranoia, the only thing he wanted to do at that moment was to go find "the victim's girlfriend" to beg for forgiveness.
Asher stopped Viv in a deserted place, even though he was very afraid that Viv might not forgive him and could kill him at any time without anyone knowing. When facing Asher, Viv still kept her deadpan expression, but her black eyes full of suppressed resentment.
Asher trembled, not daring to look straight into Viv's eyes; each word coming out of his mouth was difficult.
"It was an accident... It was too dark then... I didn't see her," he sobbed, his voice increasingly broken. Viv just stared at him and said nothing. Then he continued,
"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to..." Asher couldn't even stand still; he could only lean against the wall.
"Please forgive me... I'm begging you... relieve me..."
Finally, Viv couldn't keep silent anymore. She crossed her arms and looked deeply into Asher's eyes as if she wanted to verify whether his sincerity was real or fake.
"Relieve you? ... Whereas you didn't get punished when it was pointed out that you didn't do it on purpose?" Viv smirked, saying it bitterly and sarcastically.
Asher didn't know what to say; he just cried even harder because it seemed like what Viv said was completely correct, so he couldn't defend himself. When Viv saw him sobbing more violently, she couldn't hide her confusion. She immediately stood up straight, glanced around, then said to Asher in an annoyed manner, "Can you just stop crying?" She paused, then looked at him disdainfully, "I should be the one crying."
Asher's crying gradually faded away. He looked at Viv in surprise, his face showing obvious shame. Viv glanced at him, then clicked her tongue, turned away angrily, and did not forget to leave a parting sentence:
"I don't want to see your face... stay away from me."
Viv's back gradually disappeared. Asher was confused as to whether he was seeing things or not, and he felt a part of the burden in his body suddenly lighten.
Finally, maybe Viv's decision was forgiveness. She didn't know if her actions just now made Samira hate her because she had let the person who shot Samira move on so easily. But Viv was still very aware that the truth was that Asher didn't mean it. No matter how much she tortured him, Viv wouldn't feel at peace; Samira wouldn't come back to life. If that were the case, then the next person to suffer and live in guilt would be Viv.
And up to this moment, Viv still didn't regret her decision.
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