Kabanata 21
Kabanata 21
"DADA?" she mumbled.
I gulped. Kaagad akong napaharap kay Thorn at nakita kong nakatitig siya sa anak ko.
He was staring at her deeply and I saw how my daughter smiled cheekily when she met his black eyes.
"He's not Dada, Clyte..." I whispered.
"No?" I saw how her lips protruded at that.
"Hmm," I nodded. She blinked, nakita ko ang lungkot sa mata ng anak ko kaya napahugot ako ng hininga at humalik sa pisngi niya.
I'm sorry, Clyte...
"Okay..." she smiled a little but still staring at Thorn who's still looking at her intently.
"Hi, little girl..." Thorn suddenly spoke, his eyes screaming adoration with a bit of sadness.
"Hi! I'm Clyte!" she exclaimed.
"I'm Uncle Thorn," aniya. I saw my daughter closing her eyes, nagpapa-cute kumbaga sa lalaki.
"Candies?" she suddenly asked him. I heard Thorn chuckled and nodded.
"Yes, Clyte... I have candies," aniya sa malambing na tono.
"She can't eat candies..." I stopped him, nakita kong nag-angat ng tingin sa akin si Clyte at napatingin naman si Thorn.
"W-why?" Clyte pouted. I sighed, mas inayos ko ang pagkakakarga sa anak ko at nagsalita.
"Your teeth will hurt, baby ko..." lambing ko. She put her hands on her cheek and stared at me softly.
"Tooth fairy?" she asked. Napatawa ako bigla roon, I nodded, chuckling and kissed her cheek.
"Yes, baby. Tooth fairy will go get your teeth if you eat sweets," paliwanag ko sa kanya.
I suddenly became aware of Thorn's stares kaya napabaling ako sa kanya. I saw him staring intently at me and my smile faded.
"We got to go..." I cleared my throat bago tumalikod sa kanya.
I carried my daughter on my arms as I felt her pointing at somewhere.
"T-Tito!" she exclaimed.
I stilled, nang humarap ako sa anak ko ay nakita kong nakatitig pa rin siya kay Thorn at inaabot ang kamay niya rito.
"P-play!" she exclaimed.
"Clyte, baby..." tawag ko sa atensyon niya. "We gotta go, tayo na lang maglaro sa bahay..."
"No! No! Play!" pagpupumilit niya.
"Baby..." I sighed.
"Play! No!" she wiggled from my arms and tried reaching Thorn. "I want play!"
My forehead creased, kinagat ko ang labi ko at mahinahong nagsalita.
"Baby, we can play with Tito Zeijan and—"
"No! Tito! Play!" maktol niya at nang makitang naluluha na siya habang pinipilit ako ay napasulyap ako kay Thorn.
I saw him smiling a little when he met my eyes, kaagad akong tumikhim at nagsalita.
"She wants to..."
"Let's go?" aniya at mabilis na nakalapit sa akin. I was startled at that, nagulat na lang ako nang humagikhik ang anak ko at inabot ang kamay niya kay Thorn na inaayos ang salamin habang nakatingin sa kanya.
"Karga! Karga!" she exclaimed at kumalabog ang dibdib ko roon.
"Can I?" Thorn looked at me with his hopeful eyes at nang sumulyap ako kay Clyte na mukhang excited ay tumango ako.
I saw how Thorn reached for her and gathered her on his arms.
"Yey!" Clyte cheered, clapping her hands.
"Hi, Clyte. Nice meeting you, you're lovely like your Mom," aniya at humalik sa pisngi nito. Clyte giggled and touched his jaw, napansin kong may kaunti ng facial hair siya roon kaya napalabi ako.
"I'm pretty?" Clyte asked him with her twinkling, beautiful eyes and put her hands on her cheeks.
Thorn's eyes filled with amusement and nodded at her.
"Yes, Clyte. Pretty..." aniya at mahinang tumawa.
I watched him as he played with my daughter on our way to his car, he was tickling her and she was laughing hard and pulled his hair.
"No! No!" she exclaimed.
"Na-uh," Thorn teased her and kissed her neck, making her chuckled heartily.
Thorn honestly looked good with a child with him, he can gather her in his arms perfectly and I saw how the ladies from our building looked at the both of them with amusement.
As if they were amazed, glancing at such a good looking man with a child with him.
"We can actually use my car..." pagpuputol ko kay Thorn.
He stared at me, I saw him smiled and shook his head.
"No, we can use mine..." aniya. "Ihahatid ko na rin kayo mamaya pauwi."
Wala na akong imik doon, gusto ko mang tumutol ay hindi ko nagawa dahil na rin sa kagustuhan ni Clyte. I only want the best for her and if she wants to be with Thorn for a while then fine, even if that tortures me a lot.
Active na active si Clyte habang nasa byahe kami, I remained silent, ngingitian ko lang ang anak ko kapag titingin siya sa akin. Thorn was talking to her, kahit minsan ay hindi na maintindihan ang pinagsasabi nito ay sagot pa rin siya nang sagot sa bata.
We reached the mall at nang pumarada si Thorn at lumabas ay kaagad niya kaming pinagbuksan. Clyte instantly went to him, asking him to carry her at walang pag-aalangang binuhat niya ito.
He treated Clyte like she's his and I couldn't help but to stare at him.
It's a good sight to see but still, the pain was still unbearable, na kahit ilang taon ang lumipas ay sobrang nasasaktan pa rin ako sa ginawa niyang pag-abandona sa akin noon.
"Pink!" Clyte exclaimed as she hugged her new Barbies. Ilang ulit kong pinigil si Thorn na bilhin ito dahil marami naman siyang mga Barbies sa bahay pero hindi ito nagpaawat at ibinili pa rin ito.
"You like that, baby?" Thorn asked her as he fixed her hair. Clyte was sitting on his lap with her new Barbies, nasa isang fast food chain kaming tatlo dahil sa request din nito.
"Yesh!" she cheered. Nangiti ako nang makita ang saya sa mga mata ni Clyte, this was the first time I saw her this excited and happy again.
"Then, Tito will buy you more Barbies if we meet again!" lambing ni Thorn at humalik sa noo nito.
"Yehey! My! My!" tawag sa akin ni Clyte kaya nilingon ko siya at nginitian.
"Yes, Clyte?"
"I'm happy, My!" sinserong sabi nito sa akin at lumambot ang puso ko roon.
"Then, Mommy's happy too..." I whispered and she gave me a flying kiss and winked playfully.
Thorn fed her the food she requested, ako nama'y tahimik lang ring kumakain sa harapan nila at nakikita ko ang panaka-nakang sulyap sa akin ni Thorn.
He's smiling every time he'll caught my eye at umiiwas lang ako ng tingin sa kanya at hindi siya tinatapunan ng ngiti.
"Zid?" I stopped from my tracks when I heard my name. Kaagad akong nag-angat ng tingin at 'yon na lang ang gulat ko ng makita kung sinong nasa may harapan namin.
"Wendell?" I called him.
I saw Thorn stilled, nakita kong nawala ang ngiti niya habang hinaharot si Clyte at iniangat ang tingin niya.
"Kasama mo 'to?" I saw how shocked Wendell was when he saw Thorn with me.
"Wen..." I called him.
"Any problem with that?" Thorn's hard, baritone voice said and looked at him coldly. I saw his jaw clenched, the nerve on his neck slightly showing.
"Seriously, Zidney? Itong nanapak na 'to ang kasama mo?" asik ni Wendell sa akin. I almost rolled my eyes at him but I remained calm, I won't bitch out in front of my daughter.
"Please, leave us alone, Wen..." my cold voice said.
"Hindi eh, you were cheating on me—"
"You fucking asshole—" nanlaki ang mata ko nang umambang tatayo si Thorn kaya mabilis kong hinaklit ang kamay niya.
"Si Clyte! Calm down!" I told him sharply.
Nakita kong natigil siya. I saw him took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly, nakita kong muli siyang humawak sa anak ko at sumubsob sa balikat nito.
"Oh, ano? Weak ka naman pala, eh!" Wendell mocked. "Akala mo kung sinong nanununtok, ang yabang—"
"Don't let me start bitching out, Wendell..." malamig kong turan sa kanya.
"But Zidney..." Wendell's jaw clenched. "Ayokong—"
"You won't like it if you keep on doing that," I said and threw him a bored look. "Not on my daughter's watch."
"Zidney! I can father your child! Hindi mo na kailangang—"
"I'm cutting off our family's connection, Mr. Ramos..." I said in finality. I saw his mouth parted, nakita ko kung paano manlaki ang mata niya at akmang magsasalita ay kaagad akong tumayo sa upuan ko.
"Let's go, Thorn..." I said coldly and I saw Thorn stood from his seat, his eyes were still cold and sharp. Maingat niyang binuhat si Clyte na mukhang walang kaalam-alam sa nangyayari at sumulyap kay Wendell na gulat na gulat pa rin.
He walked at binangga pa ang balikat nito kaya napamura ang huli pero kumunot lang ang noo ni Thorn at hinawakan ang baywang ko.
I walked gracefully and my head held high towards the exit. Thorn was still on my side and Clyte was on his arms, hugging his neck, clinging to him.
"Gago, akala niya..." Thorn said out of nowhere kaya nangunot ang noo ko. Kaagad ko siyang nilingon at sinimangutan.
"Your mouth!" I hissed.
"My, what's gagow?" Clyte suddenly spoke and stared at me curiously.
His eyes widened, nakita kong napakagat siya ng labi at halos murahin ko na rin siya dahil sa bibig niya.
"Uhm, baby..." Thorn said kaya pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Wala 'yon, baby... Tito's just murmuring some words," ani Thorn sa inosenteng si Clyte kaya napailing ako roon.
Ngunit nang ma-realize kong nasa baywang ko ang kamay niya ay kaagad ko iyong tinapik paalis.
"Don't touch me!" mariing sabi ko bago tumalikod sa kanya at mabilis siyang napasinghap at humabol sa akin.
"Zid, saan niyo gustong gumala?" Thorn asked when he caught me but I didn't get to answer him when I saw someone familiar to me and my dreams.
I froze.
Kaagad na kumalabog ang dibdib ko at napaatras nang makita ang lalaki roon sa hindi kalayuan na nakatingin sa akin.
I saw with my very eyes that man with the tattoo on his neck, staring at me with a smirk on his face.
"Zid?" Thorn called me.
Nanlamig ako, my body started shaking when I saw him took a glance at Thorn and my daughter as he shook his head disapprovingly.
"Hey, Zid..." Thorn's voice softened and held my arm softly but my attention was still on that man.
He saw my scared face and he grinned evilly and put his hand on his neck, making it look that he'll kill me.
Bumilis ang paghinga ko, my chest went up and down and my hand started shaking when Thorn held my arm and shifted my position. I was startled when he pushed me softly on his chest kaya napasubsob ako roon at napatalikod sa lalaki.
"Sshh, Zid... Don't look at him," Thorn whispered darkly and held me on his chest.
Suminghap ako, my tears fell and I sobbed and I felt his heavy breaths.
"Damn it, they still won't stop," He whispered.
I gulped. Mas nanginig ang katawan ko at narinig kong suminghap siya at mas niyakap ako para takpan.
"My, crying?" Clyte's voice asked.
"Mommy's fine, Clyte," ani Thorn at naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa buhok ko.
"He's gone now, Zid," he whispered. "It's alright, queen."
"P-papatayin niya ako..." I whimpered.
"No... He won't..." bulong niya. "I won't let him, hindi na ako papadala sa kanila."
"My is crying! My, candies?" Clyte asked at nang humiwalay ako kay Thorn ay kaagad akong sumulyap sa anak kong malambing na nakatingin sa akin.
"Clyte..." I called her and gathered her in my arms. Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap at humikbi.
"My?"
"Baby..." bulong ko at humalik sa pisngi niya. I cried silently while I carried her, my body was still shaking and my hands were still trembling in fear.
I can almost saw blood, this was what always happened when I'm about to have an episode so I closed my eyes tightly and heaved a deep sigh.
Calm down, Zid!
"Zid, shit..." naramdaman ko ang pagkuha mula sa akin ni Thorn kay Clyte at mabilis akong inakay pabalik sa sasakyan.
My mind's in chaos, my ear started ringing and my eyes were swelling from tears.
Isinakay ako ni Thorn sa sasakyan, my daughter stayed on his lap while I did my best to control myself.
"Zid, come on, calm down..." aniya. I shook my head, kumuyom ang kamay ko at nang makarinig ng mga boses sa tainga ko ay napaigtad ako at napatakip roon.
"Ikaw na ang susunod..." The voice said.
"N-no..." I whispered.
"Zid, come on..." Thorn said but I was preoccupied with the voices inside my head. My hands trembled more and I closed them to stop shaking but I just can't.
"Pinatay mo sila..." whispers again.
"H-hindi ko sila pinatay..." I murmured. I felt something in my hand, napatalon ako roon at kaagad na iniwas ang kamay ko.
"H'wag! H'wag mo kong sasaktan." I whimpered, my eyes still closed.
"It's Thorn, Zid..." a voice said. "Come on, open your eyes, it's just me..."
I swallowed hard, breathing heavily. Naabot niya ang kamay ko, I felt him opening my fisted palm and caressed it softly.
"Hey, it's just me..." masuyong sabi nito at mas hinaplos ang palad ko. "It's Thorn, you know me, right? Open your eyes, Zid... Come back to me." He whispered softly.
Unti-unting bumagal ang paghinga ko. My heart was slowly calming, naramdaman ko ang pagtigil ng panginginig ng kamay ko.
"Sshh, it's alright..." aniya. "When you open your eyes, your daughter's waiting for you."
Slowly, I opened my eyes and I saw a pair of midnight black eyes staring right through mine, his eyes were bloodshot and laced with concern.
Mula sa kanya ay bumaba ang tingin ko sa anak ko. She was eyeing me softly and my mouth parted when I saw her crying.
"M-my, why cry..." she murmured and sobbed at nanghina ako roon at marahang kinuha ang anak ko at tinahan siya.
"N-No, Clyte... Sorry," I murmured and repeatedly kissed her head.
"D-did I do bad and—"
"No, anak... You did not..." bulong ko at mas niyakap siya. Habang lumuluha rin ako ay nakita kong nakatitig lang sa amin si Thorn.
I saw how he removed the tears on his cheek and lowered his head.
"I-I'm sorry..." he whispered, stared at me at hindi na ako sumagot roon at sumulyap na lang sa anak ko.
The whole duration of the ride was filled with silence. Clyte already fell asleep in my arms while I stared at the lights from the posts were passing.
I still can't process everything, I was still in shock. I could still remember how I broke down in front of him and I blame myself for that.
Bakit ba kahit anong pilit kong maging matatag ay ang hina-hina ko pa rin?
We stopped in front of our mansion, my Mom and Dad wasn't here because they went abroad at kami lang ng anak ko at mga tauhan ang tao rito ngayon.
Kaagad akong sumulyap kay Thorn na nakatitig lang sa manibela at walang sinasabi.
"Thank you for today..." I said to break the silence. Nang hindi siya sumagot ay tinanggal ko ang seatbelt ko para makalabas pero nahawakan niya ang braso ko kaya nilingon ko siya.
"C-can we talk, Zid?" his tired voice said, nakita kong malamlam ang mga mata niya at dahil ayoko na ring makipagbangayan sa kanya ay tumango ako.
"Wait for me here..." I said coldly.
He let go of my arm softly at nang lumabas ako ng sasakyan ay kaagad akong dumiretso sa kwarto namin ni Clyte at marahang inilapag ko siya sa kama bago kunin ang envelope na itinago ko sa loob ng tatlong taon.
I kissed my daughter and went down, nakita ko pang nagluluto ang nga kasambahay at binati ako kaya pagod akong ngumiti at tumango lang sa kanila.
Naglakad ako palabas ng gate ng mansyon at kaagad kong nakita si Thorn nakatungo at nakasandal sa sasakyan niya. I took a step forward at nakita kong napaayos siya ng tayo nang marinig ang takong ko.
"Zid..." he smiled a little when he saw me. "Thank you for letting me speak to you," sinsero niyang sabi.
I stared at him coldly, nodding my head.
"I hope this will be the last time I'll get to talk you..." I said.
I saw how his smile faded with my remark. Nakita kong umayos siya ng tayo at pinasadahan ng kamay ang magulong buhok.
"Z-Zid, what are you saying?" aniya.
"I appreciate everything today, and thank you for making my daughter happy, and for calming me down earlier," I told him.
Lumamlam ang mata niya, I saw him bit his lip but still tried smiling at me again.
"You're welcome, I... I won't hesitate to do that again if—"
"Please stop this..." I stopped him.
"Zid?" pumiyok ang boses niya at pumikit. "Don't be like this, please, give me a chance?"
"Then explain why. I'll just hear your explanation, then we're good," mahinang sabi ko.
"Zid..." he breathe and took a step closer while I remained standing there.
"I... I never wanted to do that," bulong niya.
Oh, really?
"I was forced to do that," he whispered, staring at me with his gloomy, bloodshot eyes.
"I... I was left with no choice, my queen..." pumiyok siya at tumiim ang bagang.
"Then, did your parents finally become proud of you?" I asked him, still aching for the memories and how he left me alone, tired and wounded by that said love.
"Z-Zid, no..." he murmured. "It's not them—"
"They must have felt really proud of their youngest son..." I said bitterly.
"Z-Zid, it's not—" he tried reaching me but I shook my head.
"I was really proud of you, Thorn..." I murmured and stared at his eyes. "Kahit noong hindi ka pa nila napapansin, sobrang hanga ako sa 'yo."
His tears fell, nakita ko ang pag-iling niya sa akin at ang pag-igting ng panga niya.
"K-kasi you understand me, you helped me a lot, pinaramdam mong mahal mo ako kahit hindi." Hinawi ko ang luhang tumulo sa mga mata ko at kinagat ang labi ko.
"I-I love you, Scira..." he stopped me.
"Stop lying, Thorn..." pagod kong sabi at muli siyang hinarap. "We both know you don't."
"R-reyna ko," he murmured. "I love you, please..."
"But you know what, I was very disappointed at you when you left me there, alone..." I said and I saw the pain escaped his eyes. The agony filled the hollow of his eyes as his tears fell down uncontrollably.
"S-Scira..."
"Here..." I lifted my hand and showed him the envelope.
Umiling siya habang nakatitig roon at nakita ko ang hindi maipaliwanag na sakit sa mga mata niya.
I was hurting too, I can feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces as I reminisce the scenes.
"Walang bawas 'yan..." I told him.
"S-Scira..." he stared at me and shook his head.
"Sorry if I gave the money back too late," sabi ko sa kanya.
"Y-you don't have to—"
"I don't want any connection betwee us, anymore..." nanghihina kong sabi.
"D-don't say that..." bulong niya. "I-I'll make it up to you, I-I promise I'll be a good man, I won't do anything—"
"Just go..." sabi ko. "You'll only bring the bad memories back..."
"P-please?" he murmured and begged.
"I'm sorry, I can't..." I sighed.
"Give me a chance," aniya at hinagilap ang kamay ko. "I-I won't mess up this time, promise... H-Hindi na ako magpapakaduwag—"
"Just leave..." inabot ko ang kamay niya at ibinalik sa kanya ang envelope at nakita ko kung paano siya napatitig roon at mas napaluha.
"Z-Zid..." he murmured and closed his eyes. I saw him weakened, maya-maya pa ay napaatras ako sa gulat nang walang pagdadalawang-isip siyang lumuhod sa harapan ko at tumungo.
"T-Thorn..." my mouth parted.
"I love you..." he cried. "P-please, Zid... Don't push me away..."
"J-just go, stop kneeling..." I murmured and shook my head.
"N-nagmamakaawa ako..." bulong niya. "H'wag namang ganito, Zid... Please."
I closed my eyes tightly when he hugged my legs and sobbed.
"I-I need you, Zid... Please, g-give me a chance..." Napahikbi rin ako but my heart remained hard and untouched.
I held his hand, pilit ko iyong kinalas sa paa ko at iling siya nang iling doon.
"Z-Zid, no..."
"I'm sorry..." I murmured and when I took a step back, I saw him lost his remaining strength at napasalampak na sa semento.
I entered the mansion and ran towards my room, kaagad akong tumabi kay Clyte at niyakap siya bago tahimik na umiyak doon.
The next morning ay para ata akong magkakasakit, I cried the whole night. Sa banyo ako nagtungo para hindi maistorbo si Clyte at kahit napapagod pa ay napagdesisyunang pumunta sa isag lugar kung saan ako palagi nagtutungo kapag nalulungkot ako o gusto kong magkwento.
My Clyte played beside me at the back of the car while we're on our way to that place.
"Ma'am, nandito na po..." I stopped and stared at the place.
"Sige po, pahintay na lang po kami, mabilis lang..." I said at nang tumango siya ay dagli akong lumabas buhat si Clyte na nilalaro ang buhok ko at ang pumpon ng bulaklak na hawak ko.
I walked slowly towards the spot and I smiled when I saw the place where she is.
Marahan akong lumapit doon at ngumiti.
"Hi," I smiled softly, greeting her.
Ibinaba ko si Clyte sa tabi ko at ang bulaklak na dala ko bago sinindihan ang kandilang puti roon sa gilid.
I closed my eyes and smiled.
"I have so many stories to tell you..." bulong ko sa hangin at ngumiti.
I miss her, my friend for almost a year, that one who helped me and stayed with me even just for a while.
"Hey, baby Clyte, come here..." I called her.
Clyte immediately crawled on my lap from observing the place and smiled, her brown eyes smiling too. I kissed her cheek, she giggled at nakangiting tinuro ko ang lapida sa harapan namin at nagsalita.
"Say hi to your real Mommy," I said. She blinked, nakita kong sumulyap siya sa itinuturo ko bago ngumiti nang matamis at pumalakpak.
"Hi, Mama Ritch!" she exclaimed happily.
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