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"I am a flat tire

and you are a pothole

full of lugnuts."

-Neil Hilborn

There are three things that Min Yoongi knows.

Three.

Threethreethree.

1. Girl clothes are expensive and thin, you need more of them layered to feel warm.

2. Straight men are toxic and weird when it comes to dudes in skirts.

3. This is probably going to hurt.

Spoilers: it does hurt.

It hurts like a bitch.

The punch is so hard that it has his knees buckling, hitting the ground, rosying them up a darker shade of pink. His lips stain red from the steady dripping of blood blood from somewhere on his face (he's not sure, the world is a little upside down right now) and Yoongi vaguely thinks that this is a look: red lips. Blood red lips. He saved a dollar on a tube of lipstick from the dollar store this way.

But then his head is yanked back hard by his hair (his hair, his hair because he paid for this wig and the wig is attached to the hair on his scalp and it fucking hurts) and Yoongi groans in pain.

"You're a sick fuck, know that? You're disgusting? You're a fucking man. I almost—I'm not gay," the man snarls out.

"It's not gay," Yoongi says slowly. "Not with me. I don't count."

"Because you're a whore?"

Yoongi nods. "Exactly. Whores don't count. It's not gay. It's not gay."

It's not gay. Yoongi opens his mouth even though it hurts, it hurts. It's not gay. Yoongi swallows him down and ignores the pain. It's not gay. Yoongi lets him cum on his face, the milky white mixing with the blood red. It's not gay.

It's not.

Because Yoongi isn't even human anymore.

It doesn't count.

When it's over, Yoongi's jaw aches and his lip is swollen, his head hurts and his wig is messed up. When he gets off his knees he groans at the creaking they do, then dusts off his stockings and curses at the tears on the knees.

It could be worse.

But it's not.

He's alive and there's cash in his pocket so he counts it as a win. It's not enough for rent yet but no one's going to want to fuck Him like this, banged up and bruised and bleeding (unless they're sick fucks but he can't handle that right now), so he grabs his bag and walks, head down, and quickly towards the train.

It's so late that the train is nearly empty when he gets on. There's a few people sprinkled around but they don't pay him any attention as he gets on, keeping his face down as he sits down. He shivers from the cold, grips the edges of the plaid skirt tightly out of nerves.

Once he's home it'll be better. He'll feel better. He'll be safe and warm and—

"Rough night?"

The voice creeps up on him and Yoongi freezes up, body stiffening painfully, and he keeps his eyes down as he nods.

At this angle he can see the man's shoes. They're weird. Some sort of designer, probably, and they're clean. So clean and slightly hidden by baggy jeans that are probably also designer but sort of ugly too. This bottom half is ugly and Yoongi is too tired, too fucking annoyed to look up to see if the rest matches so he doesn't.

He nods and hopes he leaves. Fucking begs whatever deity out there to make this guy leave because he's met so many men like him. So many men with ugly designer shit that hang out around this area for one reason only and that's to get their dick wet.

Yoongi doesn't want that.

He's probably a weirdo in bed and Yoongi doesn't want a weirdo in his bed, not tonight.

But the stranger doesn't take the hint and keeps talking anyways. "Are you cold?"

Yoongi shakes his head but his body betrays him and he shivers. This is the part where the man will brush his hair back behind his ear and lean in and whisper I can warm you up . And Yoongi will spend the next hour doing things that'll make him want to cry for hours later, but he won't cry-he never cries.

Instead, he hears a zipper and he looks up in time to catch the man taking off his hoodie and carefully placing it on Yoongi's shoulders. He smiles tightly at Yoongi and nods. "You can keep it," he says easily. "I hope your night gets better for you, get some rest," he says and walks away from Yoongi.

Yoongi stares after him and waits until he disappears before he's shoving his arms through the sleeves and curling close into it. The night could be worse. But it's not. He has a free sweater and it smells...good. Yoongi keeps his nose buried in it and closes his eyes.

This way he feels safe and warm until he gets all the way home.

*

When Namjoon was fifteen, he published his first comic book.

Online.

For free.

And it sucked.

But he still finished it.

And he gained a massive cult following from it.

Minki and the Starwhale by RM.

He didn't expect anything from it, didn't think it'd even be seen. But when he was seventeen and the online comic was finished, he received an award for best webcomic. And then got an email from a company asking to publish it and he didn't think anyone would buy it if it was free online anyways....but the physical copy of the comic was in the number one spot for a solid year until it was knocked down to second place and now, even years later, his comic is in the top fifteen comics of the last decade .

But after the whole number one spot thing, well, that's when the real dreams came in. The movie deal, the merch options, the toys, sponsors, brand deals. It was so much that he, Kim Namjoon, got his own personal assistant and everything at not even seventeen. Then, at eighteen, he was out of the house and living in a city he didn't even dream of living in because he never thought he'd even be able to afford a fucking cornerstone there.

Now he's been living here in New York fucking City for fucking years, he owns a house with some yard around it and a park that's walking distance. He has (had) a fucking dog and he's only fucking twenty four. He's living the fucking good life. He loves (loved) it.

All because of a stupid webcomic he started after he broke his own heart with a boy.

It still hits him sometimes.

Most times.

Always.

It's hard not to when the entire reason for his success is in direct correlation with his biggest heartbreak. It's still just all about a boy because when is it not? A boy who texts him everyday even now, a boy that also lives in New York with his two lovely boyfriends that Namjoon introduced him to. It's hard because the only reason they ever met was because Jin is his manager. Jimin was his friend after Jin introduced them.

Taehyung was his first love.

He watched them all fall in love, watched them break each other's hearts, watched them all and hurt each other, held them when they cried, helped them talk when no one was willing to even open a text message until they figured out their shit and now they're living together and in love and Taehyung is so fucking happy and in fucking love and it's notwithNamjoon.

Sometimes it hits him hard, like a wave of grief or nostalgia, the tiny voice in the back of his head, the you will never be enough that's been getting louder and louder the longer he goes without getting new work out. The first and only work he's put out being Minki and the Starwhale and it's been....fucking years at this point but it's still so popular.

And maybe it'd be fine but the thing is Namjoon needs to publish something else. He has deadlines and shit but something always happens that fucks him over. Like Taehyung moving to New York too because he missed his best friend. Like Taehyung falling in love with someone else. Like his fucking dog dying--

That....that one really fucked him up.

The little water and food bowl that sit in the corner are now dusty and the little dog bed Namjoon got Rapmon when he was a pup and still too small to sleep alone is still on the floor, even his stupid puppy pee pee pad is still there because Namjoon doesn't have the fucking heart to move it. He doesn't want to. He doesn't believe that RapMon is really gone and he's honestly just waiting for the fucker to jump on his bed with muddy paws and lick his face awake and Namjoon will be annoyed and, fuck, he'd do anything to have RapMon shit on his floor again.

Namjoon opens his front door when he gets home from a failed attempt at getting some sort of inspiration from the city and is greeted by silence. Long, lengthy, heavy silence that's settled deep into his bones and he doesn't know how he'll ever get it out. He swallows thickly, puts his keys in the little dish (that Taehyung made for him in some pottery class he and his boyfriends went to for Valentine's Day and Namjoon got absolutely fucked up that night over) on the counter of his kitchen and moves to sit on his couch. There's no one there excited to see him anymore. No one waiting for him.

He's alone.

He swallows thickly and pulls out his phone, scrolls through pictures he took that day and sighs, deleting anything he doesn't like. So far nothing is being saved. It's supposed to be inspiration for his newest work that he hasn't started. Doesn't even know if he will. Doesn't know what it's supposed to be anymore.

The story sucks, it's lazy and unoriginal, but the visuals are nice? He guesses?

Fuck.

Minki and the Starwhale was so easy, it was--it was a little prince who was so lonely and met the loneliest creature out there: the Starwhale and saved it, binding them to each other. And Minki was in love with his best friend who was this beautiful little thing that Minki loved more than anything. The Starwhale had stolen Minki away and together they roamed the entire galaxy together, saving life after life after life until Minki went home to finally, finally be with his best friend.

And that's where the ending doesn't do what everyone expects.

Namjoon had promised everyone a happy ending and it fucking was. At the time, at least. It really fucking was.

Minki didn't stay with his best friend. No one died. Instead, Minki lets his best friend go romantically, comes to the conclusion that he's not right for his best friend because he's toxic and just in love with an idea, he's too lonely to be good for his best friend. And then he lets the Starwhale go too, realizing that while he was off saving the entire world, he needed to save himself the most.

The Starwhale cried for him, cried out a constellation and promised Minki they'd be together again one day, that he'd find him again and their souls would be reunited and they'd go on adventures until the end of time.

Namjoon, wholeheartedly, understands that he's projected his entire fucked up heart into a comic but now? Now...now he can't project anything. Can't do anything. Can barely even get up some days.

He tried to project his feelings recently and the comic had ended up with some guy laying down on his bed and never getting up, the room slowly turning into a forest the longer he laid down and Namjoon had named it 'One Day Namjoon Laid Down and Never Got Back Up' and then threw it in the trash and cried. But at least RapMon was there to curl up with him too.

But now he's gone too.

Taehyung had been the one to find RapMon's body on the side of the road literally a few feet away from their driveway, ribs crushed, body cold. It was a party Namjoon was hosting for his friends, just a little get together that they usually have where they drink and grill out. RapMon was so good about not going onto the road, so good. Wouldn't even walk two feet away from Namjoon without his leash on. So how he ended up under the tire of a massive truck Namjoon will never know.

But he'll forever see his four year old dog's dead body in his mind, he'll know how heavy his body was as he carried him off the side of the road. He knows and he wants to not know. He wants to forget, wants to sell his house, wants to burn it to the ground--maybe become president and make cars fucking illegal so other fucking damn dog will never be run over again.

He digs his fingers into the couch and sighs, stomach growling loudly. Taehyung tried to get him to go on some diet recently, his doctor told him to stop eating bread because he's developed some sort of new allergy. Taehyung tried to help, tried to get him to hyper focus on anything else but now his cupboards are filled with fucking bread because he likes the way his throat likes to swell up and burn because at least he fucking feels something. Anything.

He's empty and alone and can't even draw anymore because nothing's felt right for a really long time and now it feels even worse. He doesn't feel human anymore. Feels like he's an outsider looking in, like everyone around him knows how to be happy and get better and he's got no fucking clue how to do that.

Maybe that's why he spends his nights that he can't sleep on trains that lead him to nowhere, taking fake inspiration pictures that he'll just delete when he gets home.

Maybe.

*

Three days later, Namjoon wakes up at three in the morning and his insides are aching. His whole body feels fucking terrible. He needs to get out of the house, the skin around his ribs feels too, too tight and if he doesn't leave, the skin will surely break the bones and the bones will pierce his lungs and--and he won't be able to breathe. He can barely breathe now but if he stays it'll be for sure guaranteed ticket to no air land.

He reaches around for his hoodie and barely remembers giving it up to some girl on the bus that looked like she had a worst night than him, and then reaches for a different one. He pulls it over his head, grabs a beanie, pulls the hoodie up, and then slips into some shoes. Sockless because RapMon loved to steal his socks and, honestly, he fucking hates socks right now because of that.

He's not really all there, not really anywhere, but he knows he needs to be not here. So he gets on the subway at three fucking am like it's the safest thing to do. Only weirdos are out at this time. He's joined their ranks, he presumes.

He stays on that fucking train thing until people get on fifteen minutes later and then he's practically running out of there, the world still feels too tight. So he walks, and walks, and then finds himself in some tiny drug store looking for something to drink because his mouth--his tongue is like sandpaper, sanding down the roof of his mouth.

But he's still not all there, not really. Not anywhere. So he's aimlessly walking down the aisle when he trips over something, someone, and he fucking faceplants into the floor like a goddamned idiot. He tastes blood but only at the top of his teeth so he reaches up and feels around at his face until he realizes it's just his nose bleeding.

Then he turns, sits on his ass and stretches out his long legs in front of him and stares at the person he tripped over. She's tiny, dark haired, and wearing his hoodie. Namjoon smiles, shows off his bloody teeth without thinking, but the feeling of it is just empty.

"Your teeth are bloody," she--she says. Her voice is so fucking low, so scratchy. It's...weird?

Namjoon stops smiling.

"Did I--sorry, I didn't see you," Namjoon murmurs, looks over her.

She's wearing practically the same thing as last time, but she looks....worse. Her face is more bruised up, her cheek swollen, and her hands tremble, holding bandaids and antiseptic. She doesn't respond to him, just nods and moves off the floor and into a crouching position in front of the medical supplies again.

"I--" Namjoon starts, licks his dry lips a bit. "I can--I can help you. I mean--I can, I can help," he rushes out. "I won't hurt you. I'm just--I'm an idiot and I'm clumsy and I'm used to cleaning up my face and shit. I can help you," he rushes out.

The girl nods once and then shakes her head. "No," she says quickly. "I'm not...I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm not a girl," she-- he says. "I'm not a girl so you can just fucking move on. You can just--you can take your stupid hoodie back, you can--

"Hey," Namjoon whispers and he's moving from his sitting position to a kneeling position next to him. "It's ok," he says soothingly. "It's ok. You're not a girl, ok, I get it. But I still--I can still help. I can, you can keep the jacket, it's fine. I have plenty and it's fucking cold so just--it's fine. I can help," he insists.

The boy sighs, closes his eyes, and nods. "Ok," he whispers, voice breaking, looking defeated.

Namjoon pays. For the medical stuff and for bottled sodas for the both of them and then pulls the boy into the bathroom and has him rest his weight on the sink, leaning into it. Namjoon works quickly to wipe at his face, dabbing all around, making sure to get the blood caked on his pretty, pretty face off.

When Namjoon's done, he pulls back and looks over him, stockings torn to shreds, skirt mussed up, his shirt also a bit bloody. What the actual fuck happened to him? He doesn't ask, though.

It surprises Namjoon when the boy talks again, whispers low when he says, "my jaw hurts."

So Namjoon blinks at him a few times and nods, steps back and grabs the drink from the bag and walks up and places the cool drink on his face. "We could've gotten you some ice."

The boy blinks up at him. "That's--I didn't--I can't pay you back with a blowjob because my jaw hurts," the boy explains.

Namjoon's insides toss and turn and he feels a little sick, he shakes his head quickly. "You don't have to pay me back."

"You gave me your hoodie and paid for this shit and helped me, I owe you. I have to pay you back but I need my money but my jaw hurts. You can fuck me. Without a condom if you're clean, just--just not my mouth," he says, voice void of emotion and Namjoon hates that. Hates it more than fucking anything in this world.

He swallows thickly and he nods. "I--can I walk you home?" He asks slowly. "Can that be my payback?"

When the boy tenses up, Namjoon retracts his offer. "How about your name? It can be a fake one. That's cool, too. Just--we'll call it even."

The boy mulls it over for a second before he says quietly, "Yoongi."

Namjoon likes the sound of his name.

*

They sit together on the subway, silent, but not alone. Yoongi agreed to let Namjoon ride with him until their stop if Namjoon promised not to follow him. Namjoon promised. He's going to keep his promise.

"Are...do you prefer he pronouns?" Namjoon asks quietly, turning his head a bit to look at Yoongi.

Yoongi looks up at him, frowns a bit at the bangs from his wig and nods. "Yeah."

"Ok."

"I'm a boy. I just--it's easier like this, sometimes," he whispers and blushes. "But I--I kinda like it, too. Sometimes I just, I like looking pretty. But looking pretty gets me more money but sometimes the dudes don't--they know, ya know? They always know but they don't want to know so they take out their gay panic frustration on me. But, like, if they feel guilty enough they usually give more, ya know?"

Namjoon nods despite not knowing at all. "Aren't you scared?" He whispers.

"No," Yoongi admits and Namjoon believes him. "This...this, my stop's coming up soon. If you follow me, I'll kill you," he threatens.

"I'm not gonna follow you," Namjoon repeats from earlier and then smiles a bit. "You have a knife?"

"No, I got a gun in my bag. That's why I'm not scared, if they get too rough I'll kill them and move on. I'll kill you too if you follow me. No one will care about another dead body where I'm from anyways."

No one will care regardless. Namjoon breathes out hotly and nods. Yoongi would be doing him a favor. He doesn't say it out loud and just keeps quiet until they're at his stop and Yoongi is standing up.

"Be safe, Yoongi."

"Bye.....uh...."

"Namjoon," he offers and smiles. "My name is Namjoon."

"Namjoon," Yoongi repeats and his mouth sets into a tight line. "See you."

Then he's gone and Namjoon rides the subway for another hour before he finally goes home and sleeps.

*

Yoongi isn't stupid. He's been on the streets long enough to know to not be stupid. But he feels a little stupid when he gets off on an exit earlier than his because of his paranoia only to not have Namjoon following him. It's a good thing, but he's got another twenty minute walk ahead of him and he's fucking hurting.

Everything hurts.

And he's glad Namjoon didn't want to get paid back because he hates crying, hasn't done it in years but with how he's feeling right now, he would've cried. Yoongi doesn't feel human most days, but he feels it today. His body feels weak, run down, and all he wants to do is be home and curl up until the world fades away.

He's quiet when he goes into his building, punching in the code at the front and then silently heading inside. Yoongi glances at the the landlord's door on the bottom floor before he's bounding up the stairs, fully intent on just crashing and going to sleep when he gets to his own apartment.

But when the door opens, he's met with big wide eyes and a large frown and Yoongi curses. "Kook, you're supposed to be asleep," Yoongi says and walks into the shittiest, tiniest apartment in New York. But it's fucking his.

"You're late. You said you, you said you were gonna be home by three and it's not three. It's almost five. Yoongi, you said three," Jungkook rushes out, words sounding a little off because of his speech issues and Yoongi sighs.

He's only seven.

Seven and sleeping in a shitty apartment with his older brother who sleeps with people for money and dresses up like a girl to do it and comes home beaten and broken more often than not. God, he's in for some serious therapy when he grows up, Yoongi thinks bitterly. "Needed more money, rent's due, kid."

"We can sleep outside again," Jungkook offers.

"We're not sleeping outside, Kook. Don't want you gettin' sick on me again," he murmurs and moves to sit down on the edge of their bed. "I got the money tonight. I'll pay tomorrow and rest for a little bit, yeah? We can spend tomorrow together. We can go to the park and...and I'll get you pancakes," Yoongi offers quickly.

Jungkook blinks up at him and turns to look at their jar. It's a spending jar. Jungkook is old enough to count the single bills in there and shakes his head. "You'll have to work--

"I have to work regardless, Kookie. These are apology pancakes, we can share a stack," Yoongi offers and bites at his bottom lip, ignores the pain.

Jungkook agrees because he's seven and loves pancakes and loves Yoongi. Pancakes are out of budget, technically, but he can skip a few boxes of cigarettes to give Kook this. To give him a normal fucking day.

"Can we sleep now?" Yoongi asks softly, takes his wig off and sighs a bit.

Jungkook can see his face clearly now and he sighs. "Why didn't you kill them?" He asks seriously and fuck, Yoongi is fucking up this kid but he's got no other fuckin' choice. He won't let Kook go into the system.

"Because rent is due," he answers honestly, thinks back to the fact that their landlord John had already threatened them more than once if Yoongi was late again, and then takes off the hoodie and his platform shoes before he's standing up to change into something soft, warm, and back into Namjoon's hoodie. "Now come on. I'm tired and you should be sleeping," Yoongi says softly.

Jungkook doesn't argue and Yoongi's thankful for that, he doesn't ask any more questions and Yoongi's especially thankful for that. He won't lie to Kook, not ever, but sometimes he wishes Kook didn't ask, didn't want to know. Sometimes he wishes that Kook could be a normal kid, have a normal life but he knows that's just the stupid side of his brain talking. If he wants Kook to have a normal life, he just needs to work harder. He can give him a normal life. He can. He will.

Yoongi sighs and lays down on his side, curls up, and Jungkook lays down beside of him and become the little spoon, the tiny spoon and Yoongi hugs him close to him. "I'll get us out of here, Kook," he whispers.

Jungkook closes his eyes tightly and nods. "It's ok if you don't. I'll do it if you don't. When I'm big and strong, I'll protect you."

"But for now I'm the big, strong one so I'll protect you," Yoongi says and grins a bit. "You're my little baby and tomorrow we get pancakes."

The fact that Yoongi is giving himself a day off tomorrow is what has Jungkook mostly excited. Because it gives time to the bruises and cuts to heal. So it's perfect. It's so perfect.

*

Yoongi doesn't like to wear his skirts when him and Jungkook hang out. He doesn't like it when people stare, doesn't like it when it gives Jungkook unnecessary attention, doesn't like it when his seven year old brother gets mad and tries to take on adults. So he wears some worn down jeans with some sneakers and Namjoon's hoodie (he doesn't know why he likes it so much, but it's so big it swallows him up entirely).

It's fine.

The park is fucking fantastic because it's free and Kook gets to swing and slide and they get to walk and then look at the ducks and it's great. It's so great because Kook gets to tell him about school, about his art teacher, and about a story he's trying to draw. "It's--she's a dragon slayer," Kook says, standing on top of the jungle gym. "She slays them with her dragon sword."

"Yeah?" Yoongi asks and smiles. "What's her name?"

"Uh," Jungkook frowns, makes a face, then smiles. "Akimigaara."

"That's a long ass fucking name, Kook, can you even spell it?" Yoongi teases and then laughs and runs away when Jungkook comes after him.

They topple over each other and Yoongi is a bit too out of shape and too breathless for the short run, but still. They're tangled up in each other and Jungkook is smiling and happy and Yoongi's already forgotten the shittiest night he had yesterday. This is worth it: Jungkook's happiness.

"Mrs. Sterling says I'm too im--imag--imag--

"Imaginative?" Yoongi offers, helps both of them up, then holds Kook's hand as they walk towards a tiny, cheap diner with pancakes.

"Yeah, she says that and that I need to cen-censor my drawings."

"Is it the blood?" Yoongi asks bluntly.

Jungkook nods. "Akimigaara is a dragon slayer. Dragons bleed."

"Mrs. Sterling is a fuckin' idiot," Yoongi huffs and looks both ways before he guides them across the street and into a booth in the back. "Dragons bleed. Maybe draw those scenes at home?" Jungkook blushes and makes a face, looking down into his hands and Yoongi stares at him intensely. "Why can't you draw at home?"

"I can--I can just--it's ok," Jungkook rushes out.

"Kook?"

"I don't need it," Kook says desperately. "I don't need it. I don't even like drawing. I don't need it."

Yoongi blinks rapidly at the little display from Jungkook before he reaches out gently to grab at his tiny hands. "Kook, it's ok," he whispers and squeezes. "It's ok. Remember? I won't get mad," he says gently. "I won't ever get mad at you, it's ok to talk to me about anything. We can figure it out."

Jungkook takes a deep breath and then looks away from Yoongi. "We don't have crayons. Or markers."

It's not a big deal. Not at all. Not to anyone, really. But to Jungkook it is and Yoongi stares at him a little wide eyed and feeling a little hurt because it's a big deal to Jungkook because even if he's a kid and Yoongi's done everything to protect him and shield him, Jungkook is smart and he fucking knows that Yoongi gets money in fucked up ways. He knows. Crayons and markers and paper cost money. Money that they barely have. Money that Yoongi works for. Money that Jungkook hates spending because it means Yoongi comes home in the mornings looking like he's gotten into fights more often if they spend money.

Yoongi steels himself and then smiles, leans in and grins at him. "Crayons and markers and paper, Kookie, are cheap," he says slowly. "I promise you, it's ok. I can get them."

"But I don't want them," Jungkook argues. "I don't. I'll just draw at school, Yoongi."

Yoongi nods but doesn't lie to him and say he won't get them. He won't lie to Jungkook. Not ever.

*

It's four nights later that Yoongi finds himself next to a building, hunched over and throwing up. His entire body is trembling and he feels so fucking out of it, he feels so wrong, so disgusting. He doesn't want to be human. He doesn't.

He's never had to use his gun, never really thought of it. But tonight was the first night he panicked when his bag was too far for him to reach. Tonight was the first night he's ever fucking thought of crying and the worst part of it is, they laughed. They fucking laughed and when it was over and he was still trembling, still scared, still so fucking hurt , the money was thrown and he was covered in their semen and they watched him gather up the bills as desperately and as fast as possible before he was running out of there.

Then he ran. And ran. Until he knew they wouldn't find him and threw up. It's a waste of money to throw up his dinner but at this point, he doesn't know if he'll ever fuckin' eat again. His pocket is heavy with bills but he wishes he were more broker. He wishes he wouldn't have gone.

Yoongi goes into the store, intent on buying something to drink (maybe bleach will do it) when he passes by the art section. He was going to get him crayons from the dollar store but the money is too fucking heavy, too fucking much, so he angrily grabs at the name brand art ones. He takes those and other things, anything that he usually can't fuckin' afford and holds it tightly as he makes his way up to the front of the store to buy.

Yoongi fuckin' took it like a champ, he's going to fuckin' spoil his goddamn brother with fucking art shit. He--he--

"Do you draw?"

Yoongi freezes up at the voice and then turns and...he doesn't know why but when he sees it's Namjoon, he just...relaxes. He sighs. Then shakes his head. "No, uh, I--my brother," he says hesitantly and then looks up and watches Namjoon's face soften and smile.

"Lucky kid, that's good stuff to start with," he says easily enough and then it's Namjoon's turn to look him up and down and...something on his face shifts, barely, but it's enough for Yoongi to notice. "You're shaking."

"Bad night," Yoongi replies instantly. Bad night is an understatement. "I--I--

"Yoongi, do you need--do you need to go to the hospital?"

Probably. "No," Yoongi whispers. "I just--I want to go home."

"I'll ride the bus with you," Namjoon says instantly. "I won't follow you, I swear. I just, I wanna make sure you get home safe, ok?"

Yoongi is fucking weak right now. So weak and everything hurts and he doesn't even fuckin' know why, doesn't want to know, but he just looks up at Namjoon with big eyes and just whispers a small, "can you walk me all the way home?"

It's not safe. Not at all. Clients shouldn't know where he lives but Namjoon isn't a client but Yoongi is fucking terrified right now.

Namjoon nods, Yoongi looks down at their feet and makes a face at Namjoon's shoes. They're ugly, brightly colored, and designer. "Why're you even out here? You don't belong around these parts."

Namjoon just reaches for one of the art supply things falling out of Yoongi's hands and helps him carry it to the cash register. "My--I lost my dog."

"Oh, shit, sorry. Maybe...maybe we can find it," Yoongi offers. "I'm sure you'll find him."

Namjoon doesn't have the heart to correct him, so he doesn't. Just silently stands back and lets Yoongi pay for art stuff (all of that heavy money goes away and Yoongi feels lighter already) and then buys them bottled sodas and some candy for the walk. And then he's the one that carries the bag of stuff out of the store as Yoongi limps in front of him.

They walk in silence, mostly. And Yoongi rejected the candy bar, but a few minutes later he was changing his mind and reaching for it, chewing into it quickly. "My jaw doesn't hurt," Yoongi says after a long while. "Well, my jaw hurts the least," he corrects.

Namjoon hums and nods. "We can take you to a hospital," he offers again.

Yoongi shakes his head. "I'm not complaining. I'm offering," he responds numbly.

"I--I'm ok," Namjoon responds and just walks alongside Yoongi. "Do you always wear skirts?" Namjoon asks quietly.

"To work, yeah. Sometimes outside of it but...but...yeah," Yoongi finishes off lamely.

"I like them," Namjoon murmurs. "It's cool. But, uhm, can I give you my number?"

Yoongi sucks at his top teeth, rolls his eyes because he fucking knew it and stops walking. "Why?" His tone is sharp and cutting and his eyes are so fucking fierce as he glares at Namjoon.

In turn, Namjoon looks down at his feet again and shrugs. "Just--I don't--if you ever want someone to, I don't know, walk you home or something, you can text me and I'll be there. I'll--I just want to make sure you get home ok next time too."

That....was not the answer Yoongi was expecting. It catches him so off guard that it melts away the anger and replaces it with just confusion. "Wait, what? I mean, what, uh, what about your own job? Your own life? I'm not--I don't do nine to five, dude. I'm not--yeah."

Namjoon snorts at that question and shakes his head. "It's...my job is complicated. But, like, I'm free. A lot. So if you need someone to walk you home or just, like, talk, you can call me or text me."

Yoongi doesn't trust strangers. He lives by certain rules and one of them is to not give clients his number. But Namjoon is so red, so stuttery and shy with asking for his number politely just to walk him home that Yoongi can't help but take off his bag to dig into it and grab his phone from the bottom and hand it over to Namjoon. He doesn't tell Namjoon that he doesn't plan on ever using the dude's number, or ever seeing him again, really. But Namjoon's been so nice and the least he can do is accept it and then ignore it.

He stuffs his phone back into the bottom of his bag and keeps walking. When they're a street over from his place he stops walking and stares ahead. "This is as far as you can come," he murmurs, refuses to look up at Namjoon. "You follow me and I kill you."

Namjoon nods and smiles a bit. "I promise I won't follow you," he promises and Yoongi turns to stare at him.

"Good, 'cause I don't want to have to kill you. My landlord wouldn't think twice about me cleaning up your dead body," Yoongi says softly and then turns and walks away. He waits until Namjoon isn't looking to sneak into his building and go upstairs, leaving the art supplies out on the little table they have in his apartment and sneaking into bed with Jungkook, holding him tight as Yoongi refuses to cry, just digs his nails into his arm until he bleeds.

*

Namjoon doesn't expect Yoongi to text him. But he wanted the option there. So it's fine he doesn't get a text, it's totally fine. He's fine.

Taehyung texts him, though. Doesn't even ask to come over, just tells him he's already there and then lets himself inside, curses a bit when he looks around. "Joon," he sighs and walks into the bedroom, kicks off his shoes, and crawls into bed to hold him. "Do you need me to clean up his stuff?" He asks quietly, tucks his face in the back of Namjoon's neck.

Stuff like this is why Namjoon can't let him go. Because Taehyung is always fucking there. No matter what. He's always been there and Namjoon's so fucking scared he's never going to be able to love anyone like he's loved Taehyung.

"No," Namjoon murmurs, keeps his eyes closed.

"Joon, you need to leave the house," Taehyung whispers. "You can come over. We can--

"I have," he argues. "I've gone out."

"Going on walks in the middle of the night when you can't sleep doesn't count," Tae says quietly, presses a platonic kiss to Namjoon's cheek and sighs. "I mean go out and meet new people. H-

"I met someone," Namjoon blurts out.

Taehyung makes a soft sound at that and sits up, forces Namjoon to roll over onto his back and stares down at him with a smirk. "You dirty little slut," he laughs.

"It's--I walked him home," Namjoon says, omits the part about Yoongi threatening to kill him, and smiles. "I gave him my number."

"Has he called?"

"No."

"He will," Taehyung says and then lays back down and onto Namjoon's chest. "I promise he will, Joonie."

Namjoon hums in response and doesn't say anything more.

"When he does, you should ask him to go grab coffee or food with you," Taehyung says lightly. "And then you should get dressed in the next few minutes, me and Jimin are going to lunch and you can have friend time and avoid Jin."

Namjoon agrees so fast it hurts.

*

About a week later, it's not even two in the morning when Yoongi gets home. Against Yoongi's wishes, Jungkook is still up and waiting for him. He's sitting at their tiny little table with his new crayons, carefully picking out where to use the colors in his newest art piece when Yoongi comes into the tiny apartment. Jungkook grins, grabs his unfinished drawing to show it off but stops when he looks up at Yoongi and sees a long, dark mark across his neck.

"Yoon?"

"Go--," Yoongi chokes, reaches up to brush his fingers along the bruise and then pulls the hoodie on him tighter to hide it instead.

Then he takes an unsteady step forward, stumbling a bit on his way to the cupboards to grab an empty glass and fills it to the brim with tap water and then chugs it down desperately. Once he's done, he sets the glass down gently even with trembling hands, and then wipes at his mouth with his fingers before letting himself lean against the counter, bracing his hands on it. "Go to bed, Kook," Yoongi rasps out.

"Why did--

"Go to bed," Yoongi repeats, closes his eyes tightly and just breathes. "Please?"

Jungkook doesn't argue anymore, just calmly grabs his things and cleans them up. He's quick to climb into bed, waiting patiently for Yoongi to come hold him so he can finally fall asleep. But Yoongi stays standing against the counter, keeps his head down and just breathes heavily for a long while until he lifts his head up and staggers his way to the bed.

He sets on the edge and grabs his wig before he angrily tugs it off, tossing it onto the bed and staring into nothing. Jungkook knows the drill, knows that sometimes when things are too bad that Yoongi will be different. He'd once explained that it was like a movie was playing in his head but that movie didn't want to turn off and that was all that he could see. Jungkook knows the drill to this, knows that he needs to help turn the movie off.

Carefully, he crawls from his side of the bed and next to Yoongi, tangles their vastly different sized fingers together and squeezes. "Yoongi?"

But Yoongi doesn't respond, doesn't even seem to have heard Jungkook at all. It makes the youngest sigh, has him crawling out of bed to grab the wig from the corner and running his fingers through it to get the hair to calm down then sets it aside gently. He moves back towards the bed and crawls in, tugging Yoongi along with him until the eldest is laying down on his side and facing away from Jungkook.

"Yoongi?" Jungkook whispers, runs his tiny fingers through Yoongi's short hair and then kisses his temple. "Yoongi, It's ok," he whispers. "You're home now. You're safe."

Something stings Yoongi's eyes and he feels them prickle with wetness but he refuses, he absolutely refuses to let it out. He turns around instead, smiles gently at his little brother and tucks a few strands of hair behind his ear. "Yeah, baby?"

"Do you have to go back to work?" Jungkook whispers, pleads with his eyes that he doesn't want the answer Yoongi gives him but Yoongi can't help it.

"Yeah," he replies softly, tries not to let Jungkook's disappointment hurt as much as it does but he fails. "I know you don't want me to."

Jungkook shakes his head. "You can stay with me. You can—you can—we can just-

"We're not sleeping outside, Kook," Yoongi says quietly. "I promised we would never sleep outside again and what did I say about promises?"

"Don't make them unless you can keep them," Jungkook murmurs. "But—

"And what did I say about staying up, huh? You've got school. You need sleep."

"I'm scared."

Yoongi glances up at his money jar and bites at his lower lip. Jungkook is seven. He needs a babysitter but the best he can do is the old lady across the hall who makes sure nothing happens. The money jar can't afford a babysitter but he can work more days to makeup for that difference. He can charge differently, can skip some meals, he can do whatever if Jungkook needs someone here when he's gone. "We can look into babysitters next week?" Yoongi offers.

"I'm not scared of being by myself," Jungkook says softly. "I'm scared for you. What if one day you don't come home? I can't sleep unless you're safe, Yoongi. Don't go back to work. Please? Yoongi, please?"

"Jungkook—

"Please. I'll be good. Please? I don't need crayons or, or, or toys. I don't need pancakes. I don't need it. Please? Yoongi please don't go again."

"Jungkookie, I have to," Yoongi says softly and pulls Jungkook closer. "I have to."

And Jungkook is a tough kid. He's lived outside before, ate from trashcans, wore shoes that had holes bigger than quarters, held up signs begging for money for hours on end before. He's the toughest kid Yoongi has ever met and when the toughest kid he's ever met starts to cry, Yoongi pulls him closer and hides his little cries in his chest and feels the guilt eat away at everything inside of him. "I don't need it," Jungkook cries. "I don't need it."

Yoongi holds him tightly and grinds his teeth together. He will sleep with the entire world, do whatever it fucking takes to give Jungkook a place he's not afraid to come home to like Yoongi used to be. He'll burn the entire city down if it meant keeping Jungkook warm. He'd carve out his own heart and serve it on a silver fucking plate to keep Jungkook fed.

So if Jungkook is scared of Yoongi not coming home, he'll do anything to help stop that fear.

He'll do absolutely anything.

*

When Namjoon receives a text from Yoongi, it's a solid week and three days later and it's just him sending his location with a short message of 'offer still up?'

And, yes, yes it is. Namjoon ignores the fact that it's three in the fucking morning and it's across town. He gets on the subway and meets Yoongi almost forty five minutes later and Yoongi looks--well, he doesn't look bad. His bruises are clearing up and he's not bleeding, his skirt isn't rumpled and his stockings are fine.

It's a first and Namjoon likes this look on Yoongi, likes that his eyes don't look so scared, that he doesn't jump at every small noise.

"Did I wake you?" Yoongi asks softly.

Namjoon shakes his head. "Can't sleep."

"Is it cause of your dog?" He asks bluntly. "We can look for him. Right now. It's fine. Dogs really like parks, we can start there."

Namjoon stares at Yoongi silently, looks over his face, sees the wind push his long dark hair over his eyes and shakes his head. "My dog's dead."

Yoongi's eyes widen. "I'm--I'm so, I didn't--I'm sorry."

"It's....not ok," Namjoon whispers. "He's--he was my service dog. I--I have like...depression and shit. And, and he helped with that. My therapist told me to get him years ago and I did, she said it helped to not focus on yourself, to have something else to come home to and, and--it's fine."

Yoongi stares at him and nods. "Is that what you've been doing with me?" He asks. "Hyperfocusing on the whore with bloody knees?"

Namjoon shakes his head. "That's not...no," he murmurs. "I don't like seeing people hurt. I don't--you're not a whore."

"Yeah, I am," Yoongi argues. "I sleep with men for money. I'm not a girl. I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm a whore."

Namjoon doesn't know what to say, so he stares at his shoes before he opens his mouth to talk. "I'll pay you," he murmurs and then looks up in time to see Yoongi laugh and nod, eyes distant, looking disappointment. "What can...three hundred get me?"

Yoongi grits his teeth together. "Two hours. If you want just plain sex. An hour if you wanna do whatever you want to me, no limits."

Perfect. "I'll take the hour," Namjoon says and reaches into his pocket to grab his wallet, takes the cash out and hands it over.

"Where do you wanna do this?" Yoongi asks, won't look him in the eyes.

"Here."

Yoongi nods.

"Take my hand," Namjoon whispers.

Yoongi does it without question, lets Namjoon tangle their fingers together, and then makes a small noise when Namjoon tugs and just...walks? "What--where're we going?"

"I--I don't know," Namjoon whispers. "It's an hour of whatever I want, right?" He asks and then continues when Yoongi nods. "I want to hold your hand for an hour."

"Namjoon, that's not--

"Whatever I want," Namjoon repeats and smiles over at Yoongi before he continues walking. "I want food. What do you like?"

"I don't know," Yoongi murmurs, shivers beside Namjoon. "Soup?"

Namjoon's the one to find them a diner that serves soup and he sits right across Yoongi and Yoongi plays with Namjoon's hands and fingers because he said he wanted an hour of hand holding.

"I want you to eat," Namjoon whispers.

"Ok," Yoongi agrees and then looks down at the menu.

That's when Namjoon sees it; the tension in Yoongi's shoulders, the forced feather light touches across the back of Namjoon's hand, and he feels shitty about this whole thing now. Shitty because even if Yoongi isn't sleeping with him for the money, Yoongi is still having to pretend and do something to get that money. Namjoon is still paying him to be here. Fuck. "I'm sorry," Namjoon murmurs, pulls his hands back from under Yoongi's, shakes his head. "I didn't--you don't have to hold my hand if you don't want to. I just--you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You don't. I just--I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't--I'm sorry."

Yoongi slowly looks up from the menu and pulls his hand back slowly. "How do you want me to react?"

It stings a bit and Namjoon deserves it. He sighs. "Like....like you would normally," Namjoon says softly.

Yoongi nods. "Fuck you," he whispers, grits his teeth in anger and then looks down at the menu.

When the waitress comes over and asks for their order, Yoongi's eyes never leave Namjoon and he simply asks, "what do I want to eat, Namjoon?" without a hint of emotion.

Namjoon feels sick to his stomach and shakes his head. "Soup. The soup," he murmurs. "I want the same."

The waitress doesn't say another word and leaves. Yoongi doesn't stop staring. "I don't want your pity."

"I--I'm sorry."

"Don't ever do that again," Yoongi says sternly.

"I won't," Namjoon agrees and nods.

They're silent for a while before Yoongi sighs a bit and leans forward to talk again. "You're a dick for doing that but--uh, but thank you," Yoongi whispers, and finally relents and looks down at his hands. "Thank you for coming and...and...taking me to get soup. I--thank you. But don't ever pay me again if you ever want to speak to me again. I don't give my number to my clients and I don't let them know where I live. If you're a client that's all you get to be. Unless that's what you want."

"It's not," Namjoon says softly and looks up to stare at Yoongi. Even though his face has healed over there's something about his eyes that's not right, something that's too soft and it makes Namjoon a little sick to know that there's men out there that hurt him, that look into Yoongi's eyes and still want nothing more than to take. "Not at all. I want--no. I want...friends."

"You want friends?" Yoongi asks slowly, a little confused.

"Yeah," Namjoon laughs nervously. "I want--no. I want--you? I want you to be my friend. I want to be friends with you. Friendship?" He asks and points between the two of them, his cheeks a deep pink in embarrassment.

Yoongi stares silently and then slowly starts to smile, just something crooked, a tiny little smirk, but it's something. "You want to be my friend?"

Namjoon nods.

"I don't--I don't have friends," Yoongi says softly, looks down at his hands as he toys with his own fingers. "We can be friends," he finally agrees. "No more bullshit, though."

Namjoon grins. "Promise."

Yoongi doesn't like promises and he makes it obvious with the way he recoils from the word, but he doesn't say anything about it. They eat the soup even if it's shit and Yoongi pays for it, using the money Namjoon gave him and tipping well to get rid more of it. He's a whore but he's got so much pride it hurts sometimes.

When Namjoon walks him home, they don't hold hands again. They stay right at each other's side all the way to Yoongi's apartment building and stops him right where the steps start. Yoongi hesitates and then turns around to look at him. "If, if you're not busy sleeping or whatever, you can walk me home tomorrow too."

"Only if...yeah, ok," Namjoon chickens out and Yoongi makes a face.

"No, no, go on."

"I was--it's a joke. I was gonna say only if you agree to let me get you something to eat," Namjoon says and scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's a joke. It's not funny business, I--"

Yoongi smiles anyways. "Ok."

And then leaves without another word.

*

Namjoon gets a text the next night of Yoongi's location again and walks him home again . And again. And again. He walks him home four nights in a row where Yoongi takes Namjoon the long way to get to his apartment and they fill up the silence with some random conversations.

Yoongi grabs his hand the fourth night and Namjoon pretends he can't see the tips of Yoongi's ear turn a bright red as he does so.

*

When Namjoon gets a text a few hours later from Yoongi telling him he's not working for a few days, something in Namjoon's gut twists a bit. He's glad Yoongi's not working, glad he gets to take a break. But he's walked the boy home four nights in a row, he's--no. No. He's being needy. Too much. He's being stupid, selfish.

Of course he's happy Yoongi's getting a break. It's fine. Absolutely fine. He can just work on his future work. Yeah.

So, a few hours later and in Namjoon's home studio, he stares down at the blank piece of paper in front of him and just stares. There's nothing on the page and he reaches down beside of him subconsciously only for his fingers to curl into the air and remind him again that Rapmon is gone and never coming back.

Namjoon is all alone.

It takes him less than a few minutes to leave his stuff out on his desk, suddenly too tired to put it away, and crawl back into bed and not move again.

*

When Yoongi texts him three days later asking to be walked home, Namjoon almost tells him he doesn't have the energy to get out of bed. Almost. But he forces himself out of bed because Yoongi is all alone out there and he just wants to make sure Yoongi gets home safe. Namjoon needs to walk him home.

So he goes, brushes his teeth for the first time in days and actually uses deodorant, actually changes his clothes, and then he's off getting on the train and following the little bubble in his phone all the way to Yoongi who's somewhere in the middle of the city waiting for him.

Yoongi reaches for his hand as soon as Namjoon is close enough and takes them the long way again. "I'm sorry," Yoongi whispers randomly when Namjoon can see his apartment building from across the street.

"For what?"

"Not texting you last night," Yoong replies sheepishly. "I—I was just—I just wanted you to walk me home for a few days. Just—it wasn't supposed to happen again. It was temporary but I walked home yesterday and took the short way and it just—I didn't like walking home alone," Yoongi admits quietly, looking down at his feet as the tips of his ears go bright red. "I wasn't supposed to text you today but I did it anyways because I wanted to see you."

Maybe Namjoon should be mad? Hurt? But Namjoon doesn't really know the correct way to feel because all he feels is sort of thankful that Yoongi wanted to see him too. "It's ok. I-I wanted to see you too," he admits softly as they cross the street together.

Yoongi is hesitant to leave, usually just goes up the steps without really saying much for goodbye or even glancing back. But this time he just stares and squeezes Namjoon's hand before he turns around to say something that he never gets a chance to say.

Namjoon musters up enough courage to ask Yoongi to hang out in broad daylight, asks him to go grab lunch. "It's not a date," he adds in quickly. "Doesn't have to be. I just--friends hang out and we're, uh, friends."

And Yoongi rolls his eyes and agrees quietly, moving to walk up the stairs and inside but he stops at the top one and turns around. "Be here tomorrow," Yoongi says and starts to leave but then hesitated and stops. "And, uh, Namjoon? It can be a date," he adds in before he's sneaking inside of the building and leaving Namjoon to grin down at the ground.

It's a date.

*

When tomorrow comes Namjoon waits at the bottom of the stairs nervously. He shoves his hands deep into his pockets and watches as the door opens, he stiffens up and then relaxes when it's just an older man leaving. They nod politely at each other and it's another few minutes before Yoongi is stepping out with a little boy next to him.

For the first time, Yoongi isn't wearing a wig or a skirt. He's in dark jeans and his hair is short, dark, and a bit messy. It's similar to the little boy's but his is slightly less disheveled, like someone might have forced a brush through it in a hurry. He's a cute kid. Small. Chubby in the face with very rounded cheeks similar to Yoongi's.

And he thinks this little boy might be the reason why Yoongi's eyes aren't quite as sharp, why he looks a little more open, softer, even if the little boy looks fierce and ready to attack. It's cute. Protective. A deep contrast to the Yoongi he sees now.

Namjoon thinks he likes Yoongi looking like this the best, likes it a lot. The softness of his eyes suits him.

"Kook, this is my friend," Yoongi says slowly, keeps his voice low, and stops at the bottom of the steps of the stoop.

The little boy looks up and glares at Namjoon before he nods. "You're tall," the little boy, Kook, says. "I'm Jungkook. I protect Yoongi. I'm a warrior."

Yoongi smiles down at the little boy and nods. "He's very good at what he does," he says quietly. "This is Namjoon, ok? We talked about him, remember? He's my very good friend who walks me home sometimes."

"You don't hurt Yoongi?" Jungkook asks very seriously.

Namjoon shakes his head. "No," he says and bends down low so they can be eye level with each other. "See, I like walking Yoongi home. I like making sure he's safe. I help protect him when you're not around."

At that, Jungkook's shoulders seem to relax a bit but he's still hesitant, still suspicious of Namjoon but that's alright. Namjoon will just have to prove himself, anyways. So he stands back up, smiles at the both of them and then offers out his hand to Yoongi to help him down the last step. "So, does anyone like parks?"

Jungkook makes a soft noise of approval and then pouts because he's been caught. "Maybe."

"Maybe? Ok, ok. Personally, I love the park. I love it so much, I used to go everyday. The swings are my favorite," he says easily because none of it is a lie and that's the part that stings. RapMon loved parks. "Yoongi, do you like parks?"

Yoongi grins shyly, takes back his hand after a few moments and nods. "We love parks. Wanna go, Kook?"

And Jungkook replies with a shy and quiet, "yes."

When they're at the park and Jungkook is lost somewhere inside the crowded jungle gym, Yoongi turns to look at Namjoon, hands hidden in his pockets, looking a bit guilty. "I was playing a trick on you," Yoongi whispers. "I was seeing if me bringing my brother along would have you running for the hills. Should've known you're braver than that, you did ask a whore out on a date."

The comment is rude but Namjoon laughs softly at it anyways. "I like kids," he says simply and something in him aches a bit. "My dog was like my kid, honestly. I loved spoiling him. He--he was a good dog," he murmurs. "Jungkook is sweet. He hates my guts, though."

Yoongi laughs loudly, throws his head back and Namjoon stares as something happy and warm radiates from the other boy. He's so different, so much softer, sweeter. He likes this side of Yoongi. "He does," Yoongi agrees. "He doesn't like anyone I bring around. He's...protective."

Namjoon grins, turns to watch as Jungkook climbs up the slide instead of going down it and nods. "I saw," Namjoon chuckles. "He's brave and smart, all good attributes for being a good warrior."

When Namjoon glances up at Jungkook again, he doesn't see a little boy in a parka and jeans going up the slide. He sees a little boy with hands wrapped up and white, flowing robes as he climbs up a mountain. He sees a warrior in training and his fingers itch to sketch it out, to elaborate more on the mini world he sees in his head but then shakes the thought away. That's weird.

"He's a good artist," Yoongi says quietly. "He's the one I bought the art stuff for."

"Oh, how'd he like it?"

"He cried and told me to give it back," Yoongi says slowly and sighs. "He uses it, though. Not a lot, he says he wants it to last, ya know? Kook's never had anything so nice like that before. I can't ever afford it. He's--he's a good kid, just wants to appreciate it."

It's sweet. Suddenly the warrior in his head is soft, is running his fingers along the side of a blade and understands that all life is precious. Namjoon smiles and nods. "What's his favorite food?" Namjoon asks quietly.

"He's obsessed with pancakes."

"Ok," he murmurs.

When Jungkook's tired himself out, Namjoon offers out pancakes and Jungkook is suddenly not giving him death glares, instead he wants to lead the way to his favorite pancake place, he's picking out their booth and sitting next to Yoongi across from Namjoon.

He's cute when he looks up at the waitress, all big eyes and bunny teeth as he orders a stack of pancakes but when Namjoon orders something else, the boy's eyes widen and he looks ready to cry and panic. "We--we can't. That's--that's--it's too muc-

"Hey, hey it's ok," Namjoon soothes, sits up to look at Jungkook firmly while Yoongi rubs his arms to get him to calm down. "It's ok. You can get whatever you want."

The facade of the strong big boy quickly falls and suddenly he's just a little boy sitting in a booth too scared to order more than pancakes. "Our money jar doesn't have enough," Jungkook says and he looks up at Yoongi desperately. "I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. I don't want it. I'm not hungry."

"Kook--

"I brought my money jar, Kook," Namjoon says, even softer now. "I saved up to take us to get pancakes, Kook. You can get whatever you want because I'm getting it for you."

Jungkook still shakes and he turns to look up at Yoongi desperately. "Pr-pr-promise you won't have to, to, promise you won't have to go away more?"

Yoongi nods. "I promise," he whispers and grinds his teeth together.

"You won't have to work more too?" Jungkook turns and asks Namjoon and, wow, Namjoon feels his insides completely shatter and he wants nothing more than to give Jungkook the entire world and more. How much would it cost to just buy a pancake house and give it to the little boy?

"I have a special job," Namjoon starts off. "My job is to draw. I draw a lot. I draw comic books, Kook. And I don't have any hours, it's all just based on if I draw a lot. And I draw all of the time, ok? So, no, I don't have to work more, Kook. Get more pancakes, get chocolate milk, it's ok, buddy. This is a date and I'm paying for it."

"Joon, you don't have to--

"I want to," Namjoon interrupts Yoongi before he can argue too and smiles. "I want to."

Yoongi nods hesitantly and Jungkook still doesn't look convinced but he relaxes when Yoongi orders something else for himself to eat and then orders Jungkook hot chocolate and eggs to go with the pancakes.

"I didn't know you drew," Yoongi says once they're done ordering and Jungkook is busy with coloring in his kids menu. "That's cool."

Namjoon smiles a bit and nods. "Yeah, I--I draw comic books. Well. It's just one. I--" he wants to tell Yoongi about it all, about how it started and how huge it got. He wants to tell him that he doesn't even need to read it, he can just go to Netflix and watch the film they produced and released a year ago. But he doesn't. "It's just one comic book."

"What's it called?" Yoongi asks.

"Minki and the Starwhale. I did it when I was still in high school," he laughs softly. "But the problem with that is that I've hit a major artist's block and I haven't done anything since so my company's been pissed with me. But Minki and the Starwhale got such good reviews that they wouldn't drop me. I just need to start something else but it's fine," Namjoon says and then bites at his lower lip, looks down. "Sorry for ranting. I just--

"No, no," Yoongi stops him and smiles more. "I liked it. Keep talking about it. What's it about? Tell me about Minki. What the hell is a Starwhale?"

Yoongi seems so genuinely interested that Namjoon can't help but start ranting about it again, talking about Minki, explaining it all. He's so passionate about it that even Jungkook looks up and starts to ask questions, demands for Namjoon to draw him something and Namjoon grabs a piece of paper and draws Jungkook like he saw him earlier. With the warrior's robes and a sword on a mountain.

"Who's this?" Jungkook asks and stares.

"It's you," Namjoon explains.

"I'm not big like that. Or strong."

Namjoon shakes his head and laughs. "It's how I see you. I see you as a strong warrior willing to protect what he loves most. I see you as the bravest little boy of all of New York."

Yoongi can't disagree with that. The two older ones lock eyes across the table and smile a bit softly, secretly, and then look away when the food comes.

When they're done eating and paid their bill, Jungkook drags the both of them out of there with only one thing in mind. "Play."

"Kook, you just ate. Don't run around, you'll vom everywhere," Yoongi says lightly but Jungkook runs anyways.

They're at a different park, something nicer, with walkways and ice skating and different areas. It took them a fifteen minute taxi ride (because Namjoon complained that the subway would be too crowded) over to get to it. It's so nice. Yoongi loves it.

There's a pirate ship along the pathway, off to the side, where it's empty because it's cold and kids don't want to play with a cold metal pirate ship. But Kook does. He climbs on board and walks the plank, sits on the edge of it and lets his little legs swing.

Namjoon stares silently and smiles, imagines Kook in a pirate outfit, setting sail for the angry seas when Jungkook completely destroys that image by saying "I've never been to the ocean."

"I'll take you," Yoongi says quickly.

Jungkook shakes his head furiously. "I don't want to go, the ocean is stupid. I like the sky, it's free," he says and tilts his head back.

"The sky," Namjoon murmurs.

Jungkook, in his head, isn't on the sea. He's on an airship, a brave little prince in the middle of the sky. And...and there's a crew there, watching him, protecting him. He's older, maybe eighteen, wearing long, flowy white robes that almost mimic the sails on the airship and--

"Joon?" Yoongi whispers, hand on his arm to get his attention. "You ok?"

Namjoon smiles wide and nods, blinking his way back into reality. "Sorry, yeah. I just--I got inspired," he says softly and steps up towards Jungkook. "Ok, so no ocean pirate. What about if there were air pirates?" He asks seriously. "Think those are cool?"

Yoongi laughs behind him, grabs at his jacket, and follows Namjoon closer. "Air pirates?" Yoongi asks and grins. "Air pirates sound cooler than regular pirates," he agrees. "Kookie, wanna be an air pirate for halloween?"

Jungkook laughs and nods. "Air pirates are the coolest."

*

This is weird.

It's so weird.

Right?

He shouldn't be doing this.

Namjoon sits at his desk in his house and stares at the blank piece of paper before him. He has inspiration. Lots of it. So much of it that it woke him up in the middle of his nap begging to be drawn and he's nothing but a slave to his inspiration.

But it's wrong.

Right?

Fuck. He can't stop himself. He's been itching to draw this since his date two days ago. But now he really can't help himself.

Fuck it.

He starts to sketch, careful of smudging the lines as he goes quickly, too quickly but he's scared the inspiration will fly away, and draws a massive airship. Something of a hybrid—a normal pirate ship but so many sails that drape and fly out behind it as it soars through the sky and a steam airship with vents that puff out massive smoke that linger behind that create lingering clouds in the air. But on the front of this ship, along the long line of whatever that part of the ship is called (he'll have to look into ship parts later), sits the prince and his long ceremonial robes that fly out behind him.

He's not an air pirate. He's a prince. A lost prince, a runaway prince that's contemplating something on an airship with a ragtag crew that has been brought together by random circumstances.

A crew .

An assassin sent on a mission to kill the prince but has a change of heart.

A captain so nice but so fierce.

And...and...a regular, normal human they picked up along the way.

Fuck. He's got no idea what the hell the story is about but suddenly he's sketched out five different characters with several variations of them, and four airships, and a few cities. But not just any cities. Vertical cities.

This is an airworld.

With an "open air market" and different rules of the land ("vertical, it has to be vertical") and people that are used to it. People that are used to looking up instead of sideways to see more land. It's vertical with a different sort of mapping system, maybe a sound map? Would that work?

It's details he doesn't understand quite yet, it's a world that's still building itself. A tiny organism that's still stuck in the water but will eventually evolve and learn to walk.

This is the big bang and Namjoon stays up for hours drawing it up until he's nearly blind and mad with inspiration.

*

"Slow down," Jin says, staring wide eyed at Namjoon over dinner that very night.

Namjoon had texted him in a frenzy, practically begging for dinner with Jin. He'd been cancelling on his manager for ages now, too ashamed to admit he had nothing and go empty handed. But now they're sitting across from each other and Namjoon's hands are trembling with the file in his hand with all of the sketches.

"Sorry," Namjoon laughs. "Sorry, I--ok. Hear me out? Air pirates. Think, like, beautiful watercolor, think light and airy, ethereal. Think this," Namjoon says and slides across a piece of paper with a sketch on it.

It's a massive ship, similar to the old pirate ship looking ones but the sails are huge, tripled in number, with a tilt to them. "The airship is a hybrid. Last of its kind," Namjoon explains.

"And who's this?" Jin asks, points to the little human sitting at the edge of the ship with layers of his robes flowing around and behind him.

"The prince," Namjoon says. "He's--he's not lonely. He's got--he's not the captain. He's on that ship for an adventure or something. He's got protectors. He left with them and gave up his responsibility for love...for a chance to be free."

Jin stares and then smiles. "This--is this inspiration?" Jin asks and laughs a bit. "Inspiration without me riding your dick about it? Fuck. Wait until I tell Taehyung."

"Taehyung's gonna fucking scream," Namjoon laughs and then breathes out a bit.

"I'm gonna fucking scream," Jin says and then takes the folder from Namjoon and looks through the rest of the sketches. "Jesus christ, you changed your style."

"I told you, I wanted it to look ethereal," Namjoon explains. "I want it...I want it to be lovely. It's an airworld, Jin. It's got to be lovely and soft."

The colors will be soft but the line work will be intense, it'll distort the character's faces a bit but that's what he wants. He wants it to be beautiful.

"Can I send this in?" Jin asks and then closes the file up. "Or not yet?"

Namjoon debates it shakes his head. "Not yet," he finally decides on. "No, wait until I've got something more...more solid," he says.

Jin nods and agrees to that easily. "I'll just drop hints that you've got something good coming."

"That's fair."

"But," Jin starts and sits up. "Do tell where this random burst of inspiration came from."

Now Namjoon isn't quite so eager to talk about that. He's shy, makes a face, and then says, "I went on a date," and waits for Jin to laugh it off or something.

Instead, Jin just smiles wide and then grabs at his chest right over his heart. "A date?" He coos. "Fuck, Joon. This is literally--fuck. Ok. Ok. Tell me about the date. Don't spare me any details. Does Tae know?"

Namjoon nods. "He doesn't know how it went. I just told him it was happening, he--Jin, I think it went good. I held his hand sometimes and, like, he was really nice. He let me talk about my comic and--

"You told him?"

"Not everything," Namjoon says. "But he let me rant and stuff about it. And his little brother was so sweet. He was on that pirate ship in the park, you know the one?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Ok, but he tells me that he's never been to the ocean and doesn't want to go. He prefers the skies instead and honestly, I swear I've never been quicker to take notes and shit. Like I woke up from my nap to draw this shit. You know how I love my naps."

Everyone knows how much Namjoon loves his naps. Jin smiles bigger now and then laughs. "So. Second date?"

"I hope so."

"You should ask him. For another date."

"I'll ask him tonight," Namjoon says. "I walk him home from work like all the time. I'm--yeah, I'm gonna ask him tonight. I'm gonna ask him out again."

And Jin looks ready to cry but he just nods and reaches across the table and holds Namjoon's hand. "Fuck, I--yeah. Take him somewhere really awesome, ok? And tell me all about it next time we grab dinner. And I expect more from this story too, ok? Two birds, one stone."

Namjoon nods quickly. "Promise."

*

That night, Yoongi grabs Namjoon's hand as they walk towards Yoongi's apartment. "Is this ok?" He whispers.

Namjoon smiles and nods. "It's--yeah, it's perfect," he says easily enough and squeezes his hand in reassurance. "Work ok?"

Yoongi shrugs. "Didn't get beat up, paid my landlord on time," he says and laughs a bit. "Yeah, it was ok. I--thank you, by the way. I never got to thank you for pancakes. Sorry about Kook too. He's just-

"The greatest thing to ever happen to the universe and deserves everything in the world?" Namjoon asks.

And Yoongi laughs loudly, again, and nods. "Yeah, exactly," he says easily and walks closer to Namjoon.

His stockings aren't ripped up and Namjoon finds he likes them better like that, likes Yoongi looking happy. "I--uh--about our date, though," Namjoon starts off slowly and Yoongi slows down until he stops walking and looks up at Namjoon from under the wig's bangs. "I really liked it."

"Me too," Yoongi agrees and looks seriously up at him.

"But, like, it ended," Namjoon says seriously. "And I was wondering if you and Kook would like a second date?"

"Me and Kook?"

Namjoon nods. "Yeah. Both of you. I want to take you out again."

Yoongi bites at his bottom lip and looks down at the concrete sidewalk. "I--ok. I just, I can't afford stuff, ok? So, like--

"Don't worry about that, ok?" Namjoon whispers. "I like spending time with you. And Kook. And there's...does Kook like museums? There's this cool science museum downtown that I think he might like. Do you like them?

Yoongi looks up from the ground and stares at Namjoon until his eyes are a bit more sparkly. "Yeah, we like museums."

"And, uh, I can take you guys out for dinner."

"Lunch is on me," Yoongi adds in quickly. "And, uh, ice cream. Or, like, whatever dessert you guys want. It's on me."

"You don't have to--

"I want to," Yoongi interrupts and smiles.

Joon smiles back at him and then they keep walking, slowly, all the way to Yoongi's place where he gives Namjoon a quiet goodbye and walks inside.

"Doing ok, Yoongi?" His landlord asks as soon as he's inside, startling him.

Yoongi chuckles, nods a bit. "Yeah, John. I'm ok. Working hard."

"Don't work too hard, pretty faces like yours don't need to be working so hard," he says lightly.

"A pretty face is what gets me my rent," Yoongi jokes back easily and shrugs. "See you."

"Don't bring clients home, Yoongi. You know my rule."

Yoongi's three steps up the stairs before he turns and shakes his head at John. "I would never."

"Who's that boy that's been following you around like a lost puppy then?"

Yoongi smiles and keeps walking. "He's not a client. Goodnight, John!"

He doesn't give a shit when John doesn't bother saying it back.

*

The date is scheduled for two days out, Yoongi texts Namjoon both days a little later than usual. He looks a little more debauched than he has in a while and Something in Namjoon stirs unpleasantly but he doesn't comment on it, just holds Yoongi's hand all the way home both nights.

When the day for their date comes, Namjoon stands on the steps waiting for Jungkook and Yoongi, he nervously chews on his lip until they come out and Yoongi isn't wearing jeans like last time. He's wearing a skirt (but not the one from his work nights). It's shorter, lighter, jean colored with different stockings, patterned ones, and his usual platforms. He's got some plain top on but with Namjoon's jacket on him and his wig that's been styled to have two little spacebuns on top and pink lipstick.

He looks more nervous than usual, holding Kook's hand tightly as he walks down to meet Namjoon at the bottom. "Is--is this ok? I didn't--

"You look beautiful," Namjoon murmurs and smiles. "Like always."

Yoongi smiles too, reaches out for Namjoon's hand but Jungkook beats him to it. "Yoongi said you're taking us to a museum. My class took us to one but we couldn't talk or touch stuff."

Namjoon shakes his head, starts leading the way. "No, this one you can touch everything. You're supposed to. It's science stuff. You learn while having so much fun," he explains.

When they get to the museum, Namjoon makes sure Jungkook is distracted by something that Yoongi needs to explain so when he pays, Jungkook doesn't freak out again. And once they're inside, Jungkook's eyes widen and his mouth drops and Yoongi doesn't even have time to say anything before he's off and running towards everywhere to try and get his hands on everything.

But this leaves Namjoon's hand free and Yoongi takes full advantage of it and takes his hand finally and walks next to him, smiling wide. "God, he's gonna destroy this place."

"Honestly, I love this place. I'll help him," Joon laughs and they follow after Kook to do the fun stuff.

It's so many areas, so many things. Jungkook is so overwhelmed with it all, he gets to do everything, gets to learn so much. By the time they're done, their stomachs are practically eating themselves from how hungry they are. So Yoongi drags them all down to a pizza place and buys them each slices and two drinks (he shares with Kook).

And that's when Jungkook's panic starts. "Yoongi," he whispers, tugging at Yoongi's sweater, looking up at him. "Can--can we share? One p-piece?" He asks hopefully. "I'm not hungry."

"Kook--

"I'm not hungry," Jungkook insists. "Or thirsty. I'm not, I promise."

"Kook, it's ok," Yoongi whispers, bends down to be eye level with him. "It's ok. I had some nice people give me extra this week," he whispers. It's not a complete lie, he wouldn't lie, not to Kook. But he bends the truth a bit. "The money jar is ok."

"But, but, but--

"Kookie, it's ok, baby," he insists, grabs Jungkook's face gently and smiles. "It's really ok."

Kook's eyes water and he nods. "You were gone extra."

"I know, baby. But...but I wasn't gone too much extra and a lot of it was because Joon was walking me home. We took the long way," he explains.

Namjoon nods. "I walk Yoongi home every time he works, Kook. I make sure he's safe," Namjoon agrees softly. "Sorry we took the long way back, I just wanted to hold Yoongi's hand a little bit longer."

Jungkook relents, finally, and lets Yoongi pay (Yoongi sends them both away to grab a table, Namjoon takes that moment alone with Jungkook to complain that he wanted to pay for Yoongi and Kook but Yoongi wouldn't let him) before he makes his way over to them again. He finds them laughing, hunched over a napkin as Namjoon sketches something out on it.

"What're you two plotting?"

"Look, he drew Akimigaara," Kook says and then takes the little napkin and slides it over to Yoongi.

"His imagination is insane," Joon says happily. "He's--she slays dragons," Namjoon says about the drawing.

"They," Jungkook corrects. "Akimigaara doesn't like he or she. They. They kick dragon butt."

"Sorry, bub, they," Namjoon corrects himself. "I stan a woke legend," he says softly and has Yoongi snorting.

Akimigaara is eerily familiar. They rock a long dark skirt, torn stockings, and hair up to their shoulders with bangs. Yoongi smiles. It looks a lot like him, he thinks.

"I like them, they look cool," he says softly and sits down next to Kook. "Why don't you draw them?"

"I'm not as good as Joon."

When did Jungkook start liking Namjoon enough to call him Joon? To want to hold his hand when they walk? Yoongi just smiles and kisses the top of Jungkook's head as Joon replies. "I'm not better than you, Kook. You're amazing. You just have to practice everyday. I promise you, you'll be selling comic books left and right when you get older."

"Yoongi, did you hear that?" Jungkook asks excitedly. "I'm gonna be rich. When I'm rich, I'll take care of you. Both of you," Jungkook says happily and takes Namjoon's pen to start copying Joon's design of the character. "But only if you never make Yoongi cry."

Namjoon looks over Jungkook's head and at Yoongi and smiles softly. "I swear I'll never make Yoongi cry," he whispers.

Yoongi blushes a deep red and refuses to meet his eyes until after their pizza slices get there and their bellies are full.

Then it's time for the next part of the date. The part where Namjoon takes them in another taxi across the city near his own place and to the movie theatre there where he knows there's couches instead of regular seats. He's already bought the tickets on his phone so the hassle of Jungkook getting upset is completely avoided and instead they just get to their little reclinable couch and place Jungkook in the middle of the two of them.

"I figured Kook would like something like this," Namjoon explains as the movie starts.

"I like something like this," Yoongi replies with a grin. "I love anime."

"Have you seen Spirited away?"

"Only a thousand times," Yoongi laughs.

"A thousand and one today, then," Namjoon says easily and they get quiet when the movie plays.

It's so quiet and so pretty that Jungkook and his tiny, tiny worn out seven year old body knock right out during the first half. His head is on Namjoon's chest while his legs splay over Yoongi's. It's..nice. It feels so nice.

And Yoongi is a little overwhelmed with how perfect the day has been that he turns when the final act is playing and looks right at Namjoon. "Hey," he murmurs.

Namjoon turns, smiles at him. "Hey."

"Kiss me?"

Namjoon doesn't hesitate in reaching up to grab Yoongi's face, pulling him closer so he can kiss his forehead, then his cheeks, his chin, the tip of his nose, and finally his lips. It's sweet, closed mouth, and Yoongi's body breaks out in goosebumps from it.

It's the best first kiss he's ever had and he pulls away when Jungkook whines in his sleep. "Thank you," he whispers to Namjoon.

Namjoon smiles at him back and holds his hand silently throughout the rest of the movie.

Jungkook is still knocked out by the end of it so Namjoon carries him as gently as possible, is careful when they get into the cab, and even carries him all the way up to Yoongi's apartment.

It's the first time anyone else has been there and Yoongi is so nervous he almost feels sick, he panics a bit because his apartment is shit. But Namjoon doesn't comment on it, just lays Jungkook down on the bed carefully and tucks Him in.

He takes the two steps it takes to get to the little table and sits down, watches as Yoongi moves around, gets the coffee going, and sits down across from him. "You're the first person that's ever been in here," he murmurs. "I'm paranoid about someone finding this place. I'm scared for Kook."

Namjoon hums and nods. "I won't ever let anything bad happen to either of you," he whispers. "As long as I'm around, I swear you're safe."

Yoongi smiles shyly and reaches out to play with Namjoon's fingers, brings them up to his mouth and kisses the knuckles. "Thank you."

Namjoon opens his hand and reaches up to cup Yoongi's face gently, lets his thumb rub over his cheek and nods. "No, thank you."

They're quiet, a little shy with their touches and not really able to do anything more in the tiny apartment besides sit next to each other and hold hands. But it's nice, it's easy. Yoongi likes this.

They have to whisper so Jungkook doesn't wake up from his nap, and Namjoon's low voice is soothing it almost lulls Yoongi into a small nap too. But, when Namjoon's voice gets a little strained, he looks up at him and stares.

"I--" Namjoon hesitates. "I have to ask you something."

Yoongi nods, bites at his bottom lip as he waits patiently for Namjoon to continue.

"Is...is it ok if...if I--you just--

"Yeah, you can fuck me."

Namjoon's nervous laugh is too loud and he covers his mouth to stifle it as Jungkook squirms on the bed. "That's--no. I--I was gonna ask if I could use that inspiration from the park the other day for my new work. Felt weird talking about it to my manager without your permission."

"Oh."

"Just—you and Kook really inspired me and I just-

"75%," Yoongi interrupts him.

Namjoon frowns. "What?"

"We want 75% of your earnings when you publish it. And a yacht. And those weird ugly shoes you wear but not new ones I want those ones you wear," Yoongi lists out his demands. "And ten kisses."

Namjoon's frown quickly disappears and melts into a wide smile. "70% of my earnings, a boat and not a yacht, and you only get the left shoe. Ten kisses is fine, though."

"Deal," Yoongi agrees and laughs softly.

When Namjoon leaves a little while later, Jungkook is still asleep. Yoongi walks him to the door and kisses him quietly before he opens it and watches him leave, waving goodbye and watching until his too-tall of a figure is finally out of sight only to have the wiry, crooked frame of John coming into view.

"I thought I told you no clients."

Yoongi rolls his eyes and slams his door closed before John can finish walking up the stairs.

*

The first time they hang out alone together at not an ungodly hour, is when Jungkook is at school. Yoongi took the subway all the way to Namjoon's and nervously stood outside the nice house for too long. He was too nervous to knock and eventually Namjoon saw him and went to grab him anyways.

He's not wearing his skirt today. But he still wears Namjoon's hoodie, it still swallows him whole, makes him look so tiny. Namjoon loves it.

When Namjoon drags Yoongi inside, he worries at the skin of his thumb, bites at it as Yoongi looks around the house, can probably see Rapmon's things he's still refusing to put away and maybe he should have? Before Yoongi came? But that felt wrong. He cleaned, though. Cleaned everything four times until the house had smelled like bleach and he had to spray it down with something that smells good and then even bought a few candles so it smelled like a home again. It's fine.

Maybe.

Yoongi steps around into the living room, takes note of everything and then stiffens up a bit. He looks uncomfortable and Namjoon is uncomfortable. Maybe it was too soon? Maybe Yoongi hates his house? Maybe leaving his dead dog's things still out is too weird? Maybe--

"Nice," Yoongi whispers, bites at his lower lip and looks up at Namjoon with big, brown eyes. "Your house is nice."

"I—ah, thanks. It was my first big purchase after I got my big break," he explains. "I--uh, it was my dream to live here, ya know? Small town kid or whatever, always dreamed of living in a big fancy city and when I got that first fuckin' paycheck I ended up buying this place and moved here as soon as I could."

"How old were you?" Yoongi asks, runs his fingers along the back of Namjoon's couch and hums. "When you got the house?"

Namjoon hums and shrugs, nervously stands around in his dining room area as Yoongi keeps looking around. "Like nineteen? I think?"

Yoongi smiles softly. "That's cool," he finally replies and looks finally over at Namjoon. "It's nice."

"I—ah, thanks," he murmurs. "We can—we can watch TV. Like-like in the living room. Or bedroom," he offers.

"Bedroom," Yoongi says and smiles a bit. "If that's cool."

It's more than ok. Namjoon prefers watching movies in his room anyways. So he leads them around the corner and into the hallway to the master bedroom. It's not huge but it's nice, it's bigger than what Yoongi's used to and he climbs onto the fluffy bed happily.

It's weird without Jungkook. Maybe Yoongi's sort of used him as an excuse to not get closer, but now Jungkook's not there and he wants to be closer. He wants to know Namjoon more and he wants Namjoon to know him. Want Namjoon to know everything.

They're watching another anime movie, settled into bed and curled close together, the movie is at some part with parents and showing off good parenting skills when Yoongi blurts out, "our parents are pieces of shit."

Namjoon stays quiet, waits for Yoongi to continue but then looks over at him when he doesn't. "Yeah?"

Yoongi nods. "Yeah," he agrees. "We--we don't have the same dad. He's my half brother. But we have the same mom, obviously, and, like, my dad sucked. He ran out on us so fuckin' long ago I don't remember him. But Jungkook's dad was...well, he sucked worse. He was in and out of my life for a long time and then Jungkook happened and he stayed the longest when Jungkook was born. He stayed. But then mom died when Jungkook was almost three and I was barely eighteen but I couldn't let him have Kook and I didn't want the system to take him. So I just....I did it. I took him. He's been mine since," Yoongi explains and smiles softly to himself.

Namjoon hums softly, reaches out to tangle their fingers together and squeezes. "Kook is an amazing kid. You've done a good ass job raising him, Yoon."

The nickname has him looking up to meet Namjoon's stare and he swallows thickly. "I'm scared I'm fucking him up," he admits in a whisper. "I mean, I mean his brother is a crossdressing whore. I--I mean he's fucking scared of spending money because of me. You've seen him and how he gets. It's my fault. I just--I'm trying to fuckin' shield him away from everything but I can't lie to him and he's too smart for his own good. He fuckin' knows something's up but doesn't know what exactly. I don't...I don't want him to know. I don't want him to ever find out what I do to put a roof over our heads."

"Are you ashamed?" Namjoon whispers, looks over Yoongi's face. "Is that why you were trying to run me off?"

Yoongi nods. "You and your designer fucking shoes. I just--I am ashamed, Joon. I'm a fucking whore. I'm just another fucking whore."

The words hurt and Namjoon turns on his side, watches as Yoongi does the same and they're so close Namjoon would just have to move another into to kiss him. But he doesn't. "You are...amazing," he starts. "You are a masterpiece, you're a fucking work of art, ok? Never in my life have I ever met anyone like you. You're--you're so self sacrificing, Yoongi. You do whatever you need to do and don't even think twice about doing it. You love him so fucking much and he's so happy because of you. He's smart and so aware, like, like, that kid, I swear to you, that kid is going places and it's all because of you."

"You don't—you don't think I'm ruining his life?" Yoongi asks quietly, hopefully.

Namjoon shakes his head. "I think you're the best thing for Jungkook," he says honestly and smiles more when Yoongi curls all around him, tucking his head under Namjoon's chin and hiding in him. Namjoon runs his fingers up and down Yoongi's spine until he's shivering from the touch but doesn't push for more.

"You can fuck me," Yoongi whispers into his throat. "It's ok."

But Namjoon shakes his head. "I just wanna hold you, is that ok?"

It's more than ok and Yoongi's mouth runs a little dry. It's so sweet and Yoongi's heart beats a little too hard in his chest. This is nice. He likes this. A lot.

He likes Namjoon.

Yoongi stays until the anime ends and Namjoon doesn't try to feel him up or anything, he keeps his hands in PG-Rated places. So, naturally, when the movie ends, so does Yoongi's Patience. He gently shoves Namjoon onto his back and crawls over him, smiles widely down at him. "Hi."

Namjoon grins up at him, places his hands on his hips. "Hi back."

That's when Yoongi sneaks in a kiss, something soft and sweet, onto Namjoon's plump lips. This is only their second kiss ever and Namjoon doesn't let the first overshadow this one. When their lips connect, he moves his hand up to cradle the back of Yoongi's head, urging him to tilt his head so he can slot their mouths properly together, deepening the kiss.

They chase after each other's taste, Yoongi hums in the back of his throat in approval, and then squeaks when Namjoon flips him over on the bed. "Sorry. Didn't hurt you, did I?"

Yoongi stares up at him, sees the slight flush on his cheeks and shakes his head. He reaches up to trace over Namjoon's features (the prominent Cupid's bow, the ridge of his nose, his mole) and sighs softly. Out of everyone Yoongi's ever been with, he's the only one to be so careful and gentle. He's the only one who asks, who doesn't take. He's...he's so special it makes something in Yoongi ache.

Namjoon walks him home, takes Jungkook on their dates, doesn't ask for much at all. He's...he's so special. "I really, really like you, Namjoon," Yoongi whispers.

"I really, really like you too, Yoongi. You and Jungkook," he replies and leans in to peck the corner of his mouth.

"Fuck me?"

Namjoon shakes his head. "Not yet," he whispers. "Not yet."

Neither of them are ready.

And maybe Yoongi's not really ready when Namjoon asks to be boyfriends, all shy and quiet and looking like he maybe asked without really thinking too much into it and he sort of wants to crawl into a hole and die because of Yoongi's shocked face. But when Yoongi thinks about it, really thinks about it, he smiles so wide it hurts.

Yoongi should say no. He's a whore. He doesn't count, barely exists. His apartment is shit. He's so broke. He's everything Namjoon doesn't need in his life.

But Yoongi is so selfish that he can't stop himself from surging up and pressing his lips to Namjoon's hungrily and whispering a soft "yes" into his mouth and laughing when Namjoon presses kisses all over his face and holds them close.

*

When Jungkook walks out of the school a couple of hours later, he's grinning like a mad man and running over to them, reaching out for Namjoon and hugging the other one first instead. Yoongi's been betrayed but he lets it go because Namjoon is his boyfriend now and it's ok, he guesses. Just this time.

"I drew a ship that can fly," he says proudly, waves the drawing in Namjoon's face. "Because I'm an air pirate."

"Don't be rude, Kook," Yoongi scolds lightly.

"Oh. Hi, Joon. I drew a ship for the air pirates," Jungkook repeats and Namjoon plucks it from his fingers (and lets go of Yoongi's hand to do so).

"Jungkook, you're gonna put me out of business, look at this detail, babe," Namjoon says and holds it out to Yoongi. "Amazing."

Yoongi sees blobs. With scribbles. But he's still proud and he grins and nods. "It's perfect," he says easily and walks around to the other side of Jungkook to take his hand and sandwich him in when they start walking. "So how was class?"

"Is Joon gonna pick me up everyday?" Jungkook asks instead of answering.

"Do you want me to?" Namjoon asks him and smiles over at Yoongi.

"Yes. He likes art stuff. He's cool."

"If he wants to come then yeah."

"I do," Namjoon agrees easily before he and Jungkook start to babble away about stories and art stuff and Yoongi feels a little out of it in the best way possible.

He feels...happy. At peace. He feels settled it almost scares him.

Almost.

"Akimigaara fought bad guys, Joon," Jungkook starts to rant and pulls Yoongi out of his head.

"But you need a good back story for them," Namjoon starts to explain, holds Jungkook's hand in on and Yoongi's hand in the other so he's in a little sandwich of family and love. "You need to humanize them so the audience can connect with 'em and feel for the character."

Jungkook mulls it over for a bit before he speaks up. "Akimigaara is sad and lonely and wants to fight all of the dragons but, but, but then she meets this big, big dragon who doesn't hurt them and, is, uh, scared of them even though they're so big but Akimigaara is so much cooler and better. And then Akimigaara, oh, Joon! Aakimigaara re-rea-

"Realizes."

"Realizes!" Jungkook shouts and laughs, "Akimigaara realizes that maybe it's not all dragons that are evil. Some are really good. So Akimigaara and that dragon protect each other and nothing bad ever happens to Akimigaara again because they're finally safe with the dragon. They finally found a family and a home."

"I like that," Yoongi says softly and looks up at Namjoon. "I like that a lot," he trails off quietly and holds Namjoon's hand all the way home.