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WEDDING WRECKER

Prologue

Knock.

Silence...

Knock.

Silence...

Okay...

KNOCK VERY LOUDLY.

S.I.L.E.N.C.E

This was getting annoying. The beautifully ridiculous huge white mansion with Greek- style pillars before me couldn't have been a haunted house, right? I mean, it looked all fabulous and well taken care of and all that...

Besides, who would want to have ghosts as your in-laws?

I was standing at the door of my future husband's house, eagerly waiting for him to welcome me after years of separation. It was a nerve-racking wait, for we hadn't met for ten years, and I was afraid he would not recognize me anymore. It'd been such a long, long time since we got married...

...at the age of eight.

Well, it wasn't exactly a marriage ceremony. Basically, he asked me if I wanted to be his wife, to which I happily said yes, and we did a small vows exchange in front of Father Kim's tomb. I guess that counts, right?

We were three years apart, which made us both legal for matrimony now. I had been hunting down his address for a while, and as soon as my birthday passed I set off to find him, my gorgeous husband.

Wait...that was him ten years ago...He probably got plastic surgery... Never mind.

Even if he got ugly, I would still marry him. After all, it was a vow, a very serious vow between an eight year old and an eleven year old, both very serious kids. We only needed to make it official by signing papers now.

But that is only if this freaking door was going to freaking open.

The moment I raised my foot, ready to kick at the door, it sprang open, causing me to jump back on a start. Holding the door knob was a young man my age with spiked, dark- brown dyed hair, untidily dressed in a black tuxedo, his bow untied, his shirt untugged, the upper half unbuttoned, revealing a nicely developed chest. He furrowed his dark, thick eyebrows and stared at me curiously with his gracefully long eyes.

...

That was me being speechless at his hotness, if you still haven't figured it out.

"Are you looking for someone, miss?"- He asked. His voice was funny - high, raspy and scratchy like a sick cat. Maybe he never managed to get through puberty?

"Yes. Is there anyone named Kim Junsu here?"

The young man pursed his lips into a sheepish, yet amused, smile. "There is. May I ask who is looking for him?"

I bit my lip, hesitant. I wanted to surprise Junsu, giving him the greatest happiness of having his long lost wife suddenly appearing like a gift from God. Besides, explaining our history to outsiders would be a bit troublesome. I always had to start with "It's a long story," but nobody really believed that it was truly a looooooooong story and kept nagging me to go on. They usually hated me after three hours, which was the time it took to finish the story. Moral? Run away when people say "It's a long story."

"Umm...I'm an old friend," I didn't lie. "Can you tell him it's Kim Tae Yeon from the o---"

"Oppa!"

A girl, probably no older than me, poked her head from behind the door, cutting short my introduction.

"What is it, Ri In?" - The young man's voice turned sweet. Ri In skipped to his side and laced her fingers with his. I turned slightly away to avoid being prying.

"Umma wants you to go back at once. She's really angry because you walked off like

that. Didn't you hear her screaming after you, Junsu oppa?"

Oh, was that why he was storming out of the house? Poor guy, looks like he was in trouble...Not that I particularly cared, but it is always bad when you have to deal with your mother and her never-ending ranting about everything, this Junsu...

Uh, Junsu...

Wait, what?

If my eyes had legs, they would certainly jump out of my sockets right now. I gasped at the person who was scratching his head and wincing guiltily at me.

"Jun...Junsu?"- I struggled to pull my dropped jaw up.

"Yes, it's me. Sorry for not telling you earlier. I was only curious who you were, since I

didn't recognize you. Have we met, miss?"

Couldn't blame him. It'd been ten years...I didn't recognize him either. He'd gotten so hot...

Did that mean I'd gotten much hotter, too?

In any case, something was bothering me. Something.

My eyes involuntarily fixed on the tightly held hands of the couple before me. Couple. Why were they holding hands so intimately? Did she say "umma"? I never had any sibling, so I wasn't sure - do you know if siblings hold hands?

"It's Kim Tae Yeon...errr...from the...err...the orphanage..." I stuttered, unsure of what else to say. I had mentally prepared this whole long surprise speech, but it felt awkward throwing it at him with this girl here, holding his hand like that.

"Oh," the girl exclaimed cheerfully, "is this your friend from the orphanage you stayed at before umma adopted you, oppa?" Extending her delicate hand to me, she gave me a blindingly bright smile, "nice to meet you! I'm his fiancée."

Wow, fiancée, nice. She seemed like a nice person. Maybe we'd get along well after

Junsu and I got married... Uh...

Wait, WHAT?

....

01.

[Opening credits] Korea's latest drama hit

Starring: Kim Tae Yeon as A Klutz

Kim Junsu as A Butt

Jang Ri In as A...

...[blank screen]

[The author failed to find any word that rhymes, besides "Slut", which is NOT what she

(Ri In) is.] Enjoy.

01.

I fluttered my eyes open to a white, intricately decorated ceiling. What the heck, who used Greek patterns and angel carvings in this century? And gosh, I swear I'd never seen any ceiling so spotlessly white like this before...

Wait.

Where am I?

Uh...

...on a very soft, rose scented bed...in a spacious white room, with white curtains, a white desk, white chairs, white everything. This very white place reminded me of something...

HEAVEN.

Not that I had ever been there, just, in movies, Heaven is always white, so I kinda took it that way. Horrified, I jerked up to feel my body. Arms? Check. Legs? Check. Ok, it seemed that I was still alive, but where was I? Did I lose my memory? No! Amnesia is... worse than death. I couldn't afford to be amnesiac! I had to tell Kim Junsu that he couldn't marry that girl because he had already vowed to marry me!

Oh.

So I still had my memory. Cool.

I was getting out of the bed when there came chattering noise from behind the door. My ears perked up when I caught the word "wedding."

"Mom, will you quit it? Now we have to put off the wedding for another month."- it was

his voice, so recognizable.

"I don't like his face. His mouth is out of proportion to his nose."- a woman's voice, probably the umma, because it sounded deep and...err...old.

"Mom, maybe -just maybe- I agree with you that the face of the wedding planner is, um, very important to our wedding, but you already fired 30 people before him. Do you expect us to plan everything ourselves?"

"Oppa..."- came Ri In's soft, nervous whisper. "We should be quiet...Tae Yeon-sshi might still be asleep."

"Who's that girl?"- the umma asked, her voice slightly raised, "why did she faint in front of our house?" I fainted?

"Oh. She's my friend, from the orphanage...I think." Think? "I don't really remember."

Huh?

Guys, I'm gonna kill myself. Right now.

The love of my life said he didn't remember me, let alone our marriage. What did I go all the way here for? Gosh, I hadn't felt this sad ever since my lunch box got stolen on the train. That time I almost killed the thief. This time I wanted to kill myself, which

probably meant I was more heartbroken. (Un)luckily, Ri In opened the door and poked her head in- which was cute, and scared the sh!t out of me, would she please stop doing that?- just in time to stop me from committing a suicide.

"Kim Tae Yeon-sshi? Thank God you're awake. How are you feeling now?" "Uh...I'm...fine." And want to die.

Ri In walked to the side of my bed, followed by Junsu and a middle-aged woman in a cream colored suit, exquisitely cut and adorned with a silk scarf around the collar. If she took her I'm-the-ultimate-power-of-this-house expression off her face, she'd look a lot younger with her flawless, smooth skin and elegant features.

"The doctor said it was only fatique. You must have had a long trip."- Ri In smiled, handing me a glass of water. Though I wasn't that thirsty, I drank it anyway, because I didn't want to explain the reason of my fainting. I'll tell you, just...promise me that you won't tell anyone, ok?

I didn't have breakfast.

Nice and slim as my body was, it needed constant intake of food, or else it would malfunction. I was too excited this morning to see Kim Junsu that I even forgot to feed myself. Such a sacrifice for love, and what did I get? Getting married in a month? How old were they? 18, 21? What was the rush? You had your future, you know, go...study or something!

"So, Tae Yeon-sshi," Junsu started, flashing me a gorgeously awkward grin. Look at those lips."it's been a long time. What a surprise to see you here."

I knew it was a disguised "what did you come here for when I don't even remember you" kind of question. Being a kind soul that my gorgeous husband was, he had put it in a very polite way.

"Oh...I came to let you know that Sister Park passed away..." seven years ago "... because you were one of her favorite students...and we couldn't reach you through airmail..." Man, I should audition for KBS or MBC's acting schools.

Junsu let out a small disappointed sigh, mumbling something about how the nun was also his favorite teacher. He did remember her, not me? Despite the awesomeness of Sister Park, how could she outlive me in his mind? Unless...he proposed to her, too...

Ok, that's a little sick. Sorry. I was going mental, out of despair. My life is tragic, I tell you. Shakespeare-ish, k-drama-ish. Tragic.

I gazed at him with my glassy, forlorn eyes, hoping to evoke some memories in him, only to be blocked from his sight by the beautiful head of Ms.Ri In, who had sat on the bed next to me.

"It's very nice of you to come and inform us in person," she actually looked moved, "you can rest here as long as you want. When you feel better, we should hang out! I'm sure

you and Junsu have a lot to catch up on." Yeah, our marriage. "We will leave now..."

No! I screamed in my head. She couldn't leave now! I had something extremely important I needed to tell her, right now! A matter of life and death...

"Excuse me, I'm really hungry. Do you have anything to eat?"- I asked, with all due sincerity.

...

I should probably hate Jang Ri In -that's her full name by the way - for being engaged to my husband, but for now, I loved her, as much as I loved my mom who died of childbirth a few minutes after I was born, because Ri In offered me rice, meat, and fruit to eat. If someone gives me good, she/he must be a nice person, which automatically means I love them, because I'm nice, too.

Junsu and the umma had gone back to their quarrel somewhere else in the house, leaving us alone in the kitchen. I kept stuffing food in my mouth and nodded to whatever Ri In was saying. I have only one mouth, you know. After a while, she gave up and let silence fall between us. I felt a little guilty for making her feel ignored, thus threw a random question to strike up a conversation.

"Sho jew guys err geddy marrid?" - blame the humongous piece of meat I was trying to chew.

"Yes. But we don't have any wedding planner now. My mom is a little of a perfectionist."

- she forced a lop-sided smile. Of course, sacking someone because of their nose was not that much an act of perfectionism.

Through Ri In's stories, I learned that Junsu was adopted by Ri In's umma, and apparently this woman, while treating him as a real son, did not have a problem with her daughter and Junsu falling in love, for she trusted no other man but Junsu. In fact, she wanted them to get married as soon as possible before they couldn't control their hormones and did something rash like having premarital sex or worse, breaking up. What a...foxy woman.

"Plus," Ri In tiredly added, "most of the companies are very...um, cautious of us now." She meant "scared".

My brain started to work at rapid speed, now that I had pumped in the energy. Before I got Junsu to remember me, I needed a reason to hang around this house...as someone of some consequence.

"I can help you out." I wiped my mouth, trying to look as nonchalant as I could. "I'm working for a wedding planning company. I can be your wedding planner, if you want."

Gosh, I'm officially the future star of the Korean wave, the next Choi Ji Woo, Tae Yeon- hime. I never knew I could lie that well. Trust me, I'm usually a good person. This is all for love! I mean, it's L.O.V.E! It's...noble!

I guess.

"Really?" Ri In exclaimed happily. "But...my mom is really picky, I really don't want to trouble you..."

"It's ok. Junsu is my old, good friend." AND HUSBAND. "Besides, I'm really inexperienced," Or more like, completely clueless. "Maybe your mom won't hire me."

"Hire whom?"

Speaking of the devil. She was walking in, all high and mighty, without Junsu by her

side.

"Mom!" Ri In hastily ran to her side, all smiling and sunshine, "Tae Yeon-sshi works for a wedding planning company! We can hire her!"

Mrs.Jang frowned and cast a thorough look at me, from my head to my toe as if to gauge how asymmetric my body was. "How old are you?"- she asked calmly.

"Eighteen." I swallowed a big lump of saliva. This woman was going to get me busted. "You're too young. Is there anyone else in your company? Older and more experienced?" "Yes, my boss. He's really good at what he does, and likes...challenges. I just need to call

him." And ask him if he exists .

"Well..." she smacked her tongue, "it's worth a try. When can we come to your office?" Wow, she actually wanted to try, and I was lying faster than my brain can process.

Amazing.

"Off...office? We're based in Busan," that's where the orphanage was. "But I know he'd love to come here for a job. He loves Seoul. We do business here sometimes... connections, you know..."

"That sounds good. If your boss can come here within this week, we can talk about that." My jaw practically fell to the floor. I could think of only one reason why she overlooked

my suspicious offer: I was from the orphanage. Somehow people always get this impression that we orphaned kids are pure and honest and have a miserable life, which I don't really complain much about -they give me food. Kudos to Charles Dickens for that

- Oliver Twist kicks so much ass.

But lies can only go so far. I was praying that she wouldn't ask any more questions, since

I was really running out of my creative juice, and thankfully, God answered my prayer. "Hi mom. Hi Ri In. Hi person I don't know."

In came a tall boy, lanky and buff - okay, his arms were muscular, but his face and body were screaming for nutrition. He might be a rare case of mis-nutrition: feeding yourself the wrong way.

"Why are you so late?" Mrs.Jang focused all her attention on the boy now. "You should have been here a minute ago. I have been waiting."

"Yeah. Whatever." He rolled his eyes and proceeded to rummage through the fridge for food, not even bothering to acknowledge me. He quickly brought out a bottle of milk, and

poured it into...

...a bowl of kimchi.

Told you he was mis-nourished.

"Oppa?" Ri In cleared her throat. "Let me introduce. This is Kim Tae Yeon, Junsu's oppa's friend. Tae Yeon-sshi, this is Changmin, my older brother."

He lifted his head from his bowl to toss me an ok-whatever-hi-I-need-to-eat look. I winced, not exactly because I was fascinated by his unique way of eating kimchi, but because his face was vaguely familiar. I must have met him somewhere recently...

"When you finish eating, come to my room. There are matters to discuss."- his mom, realizing her son was totally paying her no heed, said with a frown. Just as she began to leave, I jumped on my seat and slapped my lap loudly.

"I know you! We met in that clu- "

"MOM I'M DONE EATING LET'S GO." - he abruptly stood up and spoke at full volume. Did he just cut me off? I hate it when people jump into my throat. It...offends me. So I tried again.

"We met in tha---"

"MOM LET'S GO." - he pulled his mom, who appeared very confused, by the arm. Okay. This *beep* guy had better *beep* let me *beep* finish my *beep* sentence or

else I'm so *beep* gonna *beep* cut his *beep* balls off.

FYI, I censor my thoughts, in case God hears it and thinks badly of me.

I stomped to their front and crossed my arms across my chest, looking very serious. "Will you please let me finish? We met i-"

...

That was the silence that suddenly enveloped the room, for Mrs. and Ms.Jang were gaping at young Mr.Jang, who was clasping his hand over my mouth to stop me from talking.

"What is wrong with you, Changmin? Let her talk!"- Mrs.Jang glared at him

"Mom, I'll be in your room in a minute."

And with his hand still tightly wrapped around my mouth, he dragged me away, despite my vehement muffled "FUKUBUSTULUTMUGU" protest. When a Korean guy drags a Korean girl away, there can only be two possibilities:

1/he will kiss her.

2/he will hit her. Either way...

I'm so *beep* dead.

02.

Kim Tae Yeon

Here lies the greatest angel

Who visited Earth from 1989 to 2007

Kim Junsu's one and only unmarried wife

Rest in peace and loneliness

That would be my epitaph.

Sorry people, the story has to end now because the main character will be murdered in a matter of minutes by this ridiculous Changmilk, I mean, Changmin, who, by the way, dragged me to his room, threw me inside, and locked the door carefully.

Oooh, guess what he is gonna do to me?

"What are you going to do to me?"- I let out a scream. Now I know why people in danger like to scream - just for the cool sound effect, you know? I mean, whatever the villain is going to do, you'll know soon enough, right?

"Why wouldn't you shut up?"- He scowled at me, in a very cold, serial-killer way. "If you want me to shut up, then just say it! Why did you have to interrupt me?" - I

retorted. Um.

Here's the thing. When you want people to shut up, the easiest way is to shout at them, "Shut up!" right? Sometimes people get annoyed at me and I have no idea why. The only things they ever say are "I think you've talked enough" or "Why don't we change the topic?", and when I disagree with them (because I haven't talked enough or don't want to change the topic) they hate on me. The world needs more love, I tell you...

"Whatever. Just shut up and don't tell my mom about that club, got it?"

"Yay!" I jumped for joy. "So you ARE that guy who was almost hit by that other guy with that thing but then was saved by You-Know-Who!"

...

Got it? No? Well...

Let me fill you in with the story.

The reason why I wasn't sure if Changmin was the guy I met at the club was he looked completely different back then, with at least ten earrings pierced through each of his ear, their shapes reminiscent of "Pirates of the Caribbean" 1, 2, 3 and maybe 4. The end of his eyebrows were dotted with several metal pieces of questionable symbols, on his nose stuck a nail that was a part of a silver chain connected to one of his earrings. His hair was spiked up like quills of a porcupine, his eyes circled with thick black eyeliner. I wonder how long it took him to take all those decorations off his face. It must be painful...

Anyway, back to the story. When I first arrived at Seoul, I didn't know anyone except for this guy who used to volunteer at our orphanage, so I called him up. Surprisingly, he now owned a club, whose name was fittingly "Dark Lord", because he was known to everybody as You-Know-Who, for a reason. His parents, apparently having no

knowledge of the English language, named him Yoo Suk, the proud son of the Oh family. Oh Yoo Suk - it sounds very nice in Korean, I can guarantee you, just, his club got quite

a handful of regular English-speaking customers...

Sorry, back AGAIN to the story. So, I came to the club, and was enjoying the rock gig they were having while waiting for Yoo Suk. Changmin was the lead singer, drumming at his guitar while writhing on the stage with various expressions of extreme pain. I would have called the ambulance, because his face looked so much like he was having serious constipation, if I hadn't overheard other customers telling one another that he was quite well-known in the underground emo rock world as "The Boy Who Screams." Indeed, he was screaming incomprehensible Korean lyrics, sometimes tossing in a few equally incomprehensible English words. Things were all going all dandy, for he had changed to

a song that sounded happy, when suddenly an unidentified flying object...flew right at him from the audience. Now I wish he weren't able to dodge it and had had his brain smashed into pulp right then.

"WHO THE HELL THREW THIS...THIS...THING AT ME?" - He screamed deafeningly into the microphone.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SINGING?"- A Korean man with a heavy accent and an unnecessarily loud voice angrily stomped to the stage. I didn't know old people listen to

emo rock these days. "What is your problem?"

"This is a public place, for God's sake!" he threw his arms into the air, dramatically, "how dare you sing "Potty let's potty it's potty time"?"

As you might have figured out, he was singing "Party let's party it's party time." The man turned out to be a Korean-American and perhaps was very strict on

pronunciation. They broke into a completely pointless argument and were on the verge of a real fist fight if Yoo Suk didn't appear in time to stop them both. He led a fuming Changmin off the stage to where I was sitting, trying to shower Changmin with a consolation speech.

"Give it a rest, ok? I know you're usually calm unless somebody bitches about your pronunciation, which, I assure you, is fabulous..."

"Whatever."- Changmin grunted. I bet it was the first word he learned to speak when he was an infant.

"Hey Tae Yeon! Wow, you've grown up!" Yoo Suk gave me a friendly hug. The guy was well-built and had acceptably big eyes, unlike most Korean men. I used to wonder why I never fell for him. Except for the scar at the tail of his left eye, Yoo Suk had practically no fault. He was kind to everybody (he did volunteer work, duh!) and had manners (unlike somebody), which was why I entrusted my living arrangement in Seoul in his hands.

"Hey Yoo Su--I mean, You-Know-Who! How have you been?"

"Kicking ass!" Yoo Suk grinned widely, and wagged his hand between me and Changmin. "Tae Yeon, this is Shim Changmin. Minnie, Kim Tae Yeon, my friend all the way from Busan."

I bowed slightly and gave him my greetings. If staring for 30 seconds and then blinking his eyes was how he greeted people, then, yes, he did greet me back, very politely. He stayed for a few minutes and then left for another round of screaming, to my greatest sadness. He was such pleasant company - unlike many people, he would only nod or shake his head no matter what you say, and he did not try to jump into my and Yoo Suk's conversation even though he was completely left out and ignored. Shim Changmin was very special!

Wait, that reminds me...

"Why did you lie about your name? You should be Jang Changmin right?"

"No."

"Why are you Shim, then? Don't tell me your mom adopted you too..." "Shut up."

I did. See? Life is simple.

"Anyway," he leaned back against the door, arms folded across his chest, "breathe a word about me and "Dark Lord" and you'll die, are we clear?"

"Oh, and how are you going to do that?"- I titled my head, blinking tauntingly. I mean, he couldn't kill me for real, right? Unless he didn't really understand the meaning of the word "die", seeing how limited his vocabulary was...

Changmin said nothing, as usual, and leisurely walked towards me, cornering me to...

...his bed.

HOLY CRAP! ALTHOUGH CRAP IS NOT HOLY, CAN'T HE BE A LITTLE MORE CREATIVE AND DO SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN RAPE ME?

"He...hey...what...what are you trying to...to...do?" - I stuttered, wiping sweat off my forehead. There was only a bed and a desk in the room, meaning no hiding place, even if I ran away.

"Kill you?" - He shrugged.

"Ha..ha..." I laughed nervously, plopping on the bed as he stared me down, "do you think

I'm gonna buy that?"

The corner of his mouth lifted vaguely in some form of a twisted smirk, a flash of light flickered in his eyes. As his hands reached for me - or my neck, not sure - his lips parted and from it left the most frightening word in the world...

"Whatever."

... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

I broke out in an explosive shout, and a second later there was loud banging on the door. "Changmin, what's wrong?"

Junsu's voice! The fact that he showed up at the exact right time proved that he's my

Mr.Right! I don't know why people have to fuss over "Mr.Right" that much - he is simply someone who shows up whenever you're in danger, even if you're in Korea and he lives

in the US, pawning every possible power Keannu Reeves might ever have. Kim Junsu is definitely my The One!

Flashing me a menacing glare, Changmin languidly opened the door for a frowning, handsome, sexy, cute, gorgeous, et cetera Junsu.

"I heard screaming from your room. What happened?" "Nothing." LIAR.

"Did something happen, Tae Yeon-sshi?" Junsu turned to me with a faint smile. I rose to my feet and ran to him, opening my mouth, just to have Changmin interrupt me, AGAIN.

"Can you stop being an ajumma and worry about your damn wedding instead, Kim

Junsu?"

Eating kimchi with milk definitely got to his head. Why was he so rude? Isn't Junsu his brother? I tossed Changmin a hateful glower (and was glad he didn't see it), pushed past him, telling Junsu that we needed to talk in private. Just as I stepped out of the door, Changmin grabbed my hand forcefully to hold me back.

"Let go of her hand." - Junsu's voice and face suddenly turned icy cold. "She's not going anywhere." Changmin remained expressionless.

"I said LET GO OF HER HAND." Junsu growled. I almost jumped.

But Changmin didn't flinch, only tightened his grip. Junsu's face turned red, and before we knew it he too had got hold of my other hand and successfully yanked me out of Changmin's grasp. The weird thing was, he looked just as confused as Changmin and me, as though his hand had jerked out on its own. Darting his eyes up and down awkwardly for a few seconds, he dragged me away, leaving a completely perplexed Changmin

behind. My heart began to beat rapidly as I felt the warmth of his palm enveloping mine -

the same feeling when we used to run hand in hand in the vast rice field...

Okay, enough with the cheesiness. His reaction kindled in me a flame of hope, though I was sincerely tired of being dragged around by these hot men. I had never understood why Korean women never resist when men use force on them, until now - you would be so numb drooling over the men's hotness that your reaction slows down tremendously. Still, I feel bad for those Korean actresses, being pulled around like a piece of meat by those actors in those TV dramas...

"Don't you remember? You used to take me around, holding my hand like this." I asked smilingly as he led me out to the garden. At the sound of my voice he abruptly stopped

and dropped my hand.

"No," he shook his head tiredly after gazing at me blankly for a while. "I don't know why I pulled you away like this, sorry. And no matter how hard I try, nothing about you comes up. I apologize."

"No, try!" My voice almost cracked. "Remember how we met? You thought my head was a pumpkin and tried to pluck it off my neck! Then, remember? When Park Yoochun bullied me, you..."

He raised his hand, motioning for me to stop, while rubbing furiously at his forehead with the other hand, wincing.

"I don't know why, but what you said brought me unbearable headaches. Please wait here. I need some water."

Normally, what he said can be translated as "You're talking such nonsense it hurts my head so shut up" but I believed he was in real pain, judging from his expression. I watched mournfully as he walked back into the house. God, I made a promise to you that if you let me find Kim Junsu I would eat only one bowl of rice per meal instead of two. I fulfilled my promise, why did you play this joke on me?

Heartbroken, I flipped open my cell phone and quickly found the number I needed. It was the only number I called every time I felt down.

"Jae Joong?"

"Hey sexy." - Somehow his flirting voice didn't annoy me as much as usual. "What are you doing?"

"Missing you like crazy. Are you missing me too?"

Err...

JaeJoong's mushy lines never failed to give me goose bumps, yet I couldn't help cackling. Everything about Kim Jae Joong was amusing. I had a major accident when I was nine, and was accepted without charge into a children hospital in Boston in the US for surgery.

I stayed there for a year, which was why I lost contact with Junsu, for he was adopted around the same time. Jae Joong was at the same hospital, although I was never sure what his sickness was and thought he was being treated for either looking too girly or too pale. We weren't really friends until one day, I overheard him confessing to this girl on the rooftop, my favorite nap-taking place. I knew the girl- she was born in the US, spoke

only a little Korean, and was the perfect doll of our wing.

"Tiffany, you are..." he started softly in English, then, maybe for dramatic/romantic

effect, switched to Korean, "noui mamsoge."

It was actually very sweet, for the phrase means "in my heart." I was trying so hard not to burst out laughing. Man, people still use this kind of line in the 20th century? Well, girls fall for that kind of sap, so maybe she would blush profusely and kiss him on the cheek now...

Smack.

Huh?

That sounded like an extraordinary kiss. I poked my head carefully out of my hiding place to see what was happening. Jae Joong was holding his cheek, red not with the trace of lips but...fingers. She slapped him?

"How dare you?" - Tiffany shrieked with her high-pitched voice. "What?" - Jae Joong gasped.

"You just said "no your mom's so gay." How dare you say my mom is gay? Unbelievable!"

And then she angrily stormed off...leaving Jae Joong kneeling down in unimaginable grief....

...and me rolling on the floor laughing. I'm sorry, it sounds very mean of me to laugh at people's misery, but, DUH?

Because I'm not mean, I spent the whole night comforting him, which would be my biggest regret years later, because the next morning, he came to my bed with a bouquet of flowers and declared loudly:

"Kim TaeYeon, you will be my only love from now on."

It was...um...April Fool, so of course I accepted his confession with a grin and even thought it was a pretty good joke, until he kept telling me the same thing days later. Incidentally, he lived in Busan too, and when we came back to Korea we even went to the same school, and I became known as "JaeJoong's true love" - "true" because he had

many other "loves". Kim JaeJoong was born a player, mind you, and had every quality to be one, what with his otherworldly elegance and beauty. There was a time in high school when he got seriously serious and pressed me for an answer, and I was so horrified that I was in denial for a while, trying to convince myself that he was gay and that he was just using me as decoy. But thanks to him, I never got asked out (what other reasons could there be?), and could stay faithful to my hubby.

So, yeah, Kim JaeJoong was my best friend, even though he called me his "love".

"Yeah, yeah, I miss you so much I can't sleep in the morning." I stuck out my tongue, imagining his cocky face in my head. "Joongie, I need your help." I told him my tragic love story. He had known about Junsu long ago, but I didn't tell him why I left for Seoul.

"So...can you give me a hand?" I asked, hopeful. "Baby maybe." Whatever that means.

"Don't "maybe" me. Yes or no?"

"Yes, of course, how can I refuse my baby? But," he paused, "I have one condition." "Shoot."

"If after we try our best and he still can't remember you and your...err...marriage, you have to forget him and go out with me, deal?"

[Radio Interview Excerpt]

DJ: Welcome, the author of the latest k-drama hit, "Wedding Wrecker"! Can you share with us the great meaning behind the extremely entertaining story?

The author (TA): Huh? I wrote it for fun. No meaning intended.

DJ: Oh, come on. We all know you hid a great message behind it. It can't be all fluffy romance and useless love triangles right?

TA: Uh...I think that's what it is...

DJ: Err...haha, you have a great sense of humor! Just give us your honest answer!

TA: Honestly? I need somewhere to b1tch about life, so I wrote this sto----

DJ: Oh, we have to end the program early today. Sorry, listeners, see you next time!

[silence]

... Enjoy.

03.

Hi guys, you don't have to read anymore, I'll just summarize everything for you: so, like most dramas and fanfics, I agreed to Jaejoong's condition, and failed to snatch Junsu back, and realized it was Jaejoong I'd loved all along, and...

Uh...

"ARE YOU NUTS?"

"I'm being serious, TaeYeon." Jaejoong calmly replied to my shriek. His voice suddenly lost its silky female quality and acquired the husky masculinity. This meant...he was serious.

"But you're my best friend!" I whined, knowing it wouldn't work. Normal guys, when being labeled "best friend" by a girl, would obediently retreat, because their brains function normally.

But Jaejoong's brain...Let's just assume he fell down the stairs when he was young and hit his head really badly.

"So? Do I care? Of course I don't, because you're my only love." -...REALLY BADLY. "Cut the crap! Look, Boojae, there'll be a lot of young, hopeful girls at the wedding, and

you know how girls tend to get emotional at weddings seeing the bride next to the hot groom is not them. Chances, Joongie, chances! I bet they're way prettier than me."

"To me you're the prettiest."

"You can be the ultimate wedding crasher!" "I only want you."

It took me THAT long to finally realize that there was actually no cure for his malfunctioning brain.

"FINE! Forget it! I'm gonna get Junsu back on my own!" I screamed through the phone and was satisfied to hear an "ouch" from the other end. I wouldn't be too sad if he became deaf.

"And don't ever ask me to go to the gym with you again!" I added before snapping the phone shut, stood up with hands on my hips and a triumphant grin on my lips, letting my hair flow gloriously in the wind, feeling as if I could conquer not only Junsu's heart but the whole wide world...

OH MY GOD I LOOK SO FREAKING COOL, DON'T YOU THINK SO? Ok, I know you don't, but I do.

After all, I just rejected the heart-throb that claims the hearts of all the girls in our school, that's something to be proud of...

...until I realized my problem still hasn't been solved. Where the hell will I find my nonexistent boss? Maybe I should ask Yoo Suk. That guy is a little slow sometimes, but he's kind and definitely doesn't want to be my boyfriend...I think.

"Hey." Junsu's voice interrupted my thought. I swung around to find him handing out a glass of water to me. I took it and both of us sat down on a bench in the garden.

"It's really weird," Junsu began as I was taking small sips of the water. "I remember everything about the orphanage, but you." Oh great, I'm so special. "Are you sure...we were friends?"

"Yeah..." I forced a lop-sided smile. "You used to call me Loony Yeonnie." "I don't remember."

"And I called you Dolphin Butt." "Dolphin has butt?"

"Well...you do."

"I don't remember..." "Having a butt?"

Junsu stared at me for a good minute and started cracking up. I wasn't surprised - it happened many times before. I said something, and people burst into laugh after staring at me, though I had no clue why. It's not like there is soot smeared on my cheeks or anything...

It was actually pleasant, nonetheless. I had missed his laugh, so limpid, so clear, as if it rang from the bottom of his heart. Perhaps laughing would help him remember?

"I can't believe I forgot such an...interesting friend like you." Junsu said between breaths, trying to recover from hysterics.

Honestly, that moment, I almost whacked his head with the glass in my hand - that's how badly I wanted him to remember; and believe me, it's not me being violent and stupid at all! That method works all the time, in dramas and manga, you know? Hit somebody in the head and they'll remember, every single time, 100% perfect. How? No idea. Even condom has a success rate of only 99.9%.

Still, how can I ever hurt my precious love? I can't have his perfect head tainted with a scratch, and of all people, from me!

"I can help you gain back your memories...if you want." I fixed my eyes on my dangling feet, blushing faintly. God, how come it sounds just like a proposal?

"Do you think..." he trailed off, hesitant to finish the sentence. "Do you think that I

forgot you and everything that has to do with our friendship because...because there's something I didn't want to remember?"

His words struck me with a pang of panic. I never thought of that possibility before. But between us there wasn't anything so dramatic that he had to erase his mind like that! The most traumatic experience may be when I knocked him unconscious for eating the very birthday cake that he bought for me. Don't tell me he had developed deep grudges ever since and decided to get rid of me from his life?

"Not that know of." I answered truthfully. "The only way to find out is...to get back your memories."

"But I..."

"It's ok if you don't want to, I understand. You've got your wedding and all that..." "Actually..."

"In any case, I will always consider you a...um...friend, even if you don't remember anything. But you know, it won't be so bad to remember. We had a good childhood together, I swear! But then again it's selfish of me to ask you, what if you really have something painful you want to bury forever? No wait, if it concerns me, I should have known! And I don't know, so there shouldn't be. But wait, what do I know? Maybe something happened and I didn't know, I..."

If you understand what I was trying to say, I'd give you cookies.

Apparently, Junsu realized I was losing it, and because he couldn't cut in my rant, he had to use violence.

He slapped me.

...

Just kidding. Who do you think he is? Not all Korean men are jerks!

"Tae Yeon-sshi!"- he shook me gently by the shoulders, forcing me to look straight into his eyes. Ah, if only I could describe his eyes...To quote those romance novels, "a deep unfathomable sea of mystery that sucks the soul out of anyone who falls into it..."

"Tae Yeon-sshi, let's work hard." - he smiled brightly. "Let's get back my memory, together."

"But...but...what if there's something you wanted to bury forever?" I really should shut up.

"It's ok."- he let go of my shoulders, to my utmost grief, and gazed absently into the

distance. "You seem to cherish those memories a lot, it must be something worth remembering. Even if something painful comes along the way, you'll be there with me, right?"

I was glad he didn't look at me, or else I would have melted.

Right there, in the house of the girl he was getting married to, and right then, a month before his wedding with someone else, I knew.

It would take death for me to let go of this man.

...

We talked a little more after that, and I bid them farewell. Truth was, I was dying to be invited to stay for dinner, but hey, I'm not that shameless. So I grudgingly trod back home, to the small, shabby rented room Yoo Suk found for me. With the money I had, it was the best he could do, I couldn't blame him. It was habitable, at least. Besides, the neighborhood was safe - no gangs, no thugs to suddenly jump out of the dark and lock your neck in their muscular arms, threatening for money.

Or not.

The second I pushed the gate to the house, a muscular arm out of nowhere wrapped around my neck, pulling me back from behind.

Oh no.

"HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

Fear shot through my body as I screamed for my life, kicking and thrusting my elbows backwards.

"Calm down! It's me!"- a voice, oddly familiar, cooed in my ears.

"Me WHO?"- I shrilled. As far as I know, I'm not involved in any illegal activities. "The Voice" cackled: "Your soon-to-be boyfriend."

OH RIGHT.

I easily threw the arm off - just realized that it wasn't tightly clamping my neck- and spun around to see nobody else but everybody's favorite...

Kim Jae Joong. Damn it.

"Tsk tsk," he clucked, shaking his head while I was trying to kill him with my glares.

"Only a week and you already forgot my voice. You need more dose of Jaejoong's charm, baby."

"I nearly died from overdose already, thank you very much. Why are you here?"

"To reclaim your heart."- he raised his left eyebrow for a split second, seductively I must add. I hate it when he does that - he looked so alluring I almost considered accepting his condition.

"Correct me, but I think it has never belonged to you?"

"Ah, my sweetheart is too cruel! I'm only here to help you."

"Jaejoong," I rubbed my temples furiously. Is it just me or headache is contagious? It feels like I was getting the same pain Junsu was going through. "How many times do I have to tell you? I can't be your girlfriend!"

"Forget about that condition," he flashed a wicked smirk, "you're gonna be my girlfriend in the end anyway." YOU BET. "This wedding wrecking thing sounds fun to me, and guess what? It's summer, and I'm bored."

You might wonder why he didn't have summer classes. Jaejoong, being of the same age as Junsu, was in his third year in university. Despite his malfunctioning brain, he seemed to get by alright and still had a lot of time to fool around, mainly because studying in Korea isn't as nightmarish as the news usually makes it out to be. Don't you watch dramas? If students had homework, they would be zombies already, how could they ever running around loving one another like that? Trust me, only truth and wisdom comes out of my mouth.

"Are you for real?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"Didn't I say I would do anything for my baby? Besides..." he brushed his long bangs off to reveal his high, gorgeous forehead, "I'm the best chance you have. You said the mother is quite OCD right? She won't fire me, if I pretend to be your boss. Where else can you find such a perfect face as mine?"

He had a point. A damn good point.

And this is how life sucks even though your hot-beyond-control best friend has the hots for you.

...

Because Jaejoong was helping me for free, I had to let him stay in the same room with

me, after making sure that he would stay away from me within 2 meter diameter. It turned out that he had been in Seoul since yesterday (what do you expect? Boojae's only supernatural power is his hotness, not flying), which explained how he appeared so fast at

my doorsteps. He found my address through Yoo Suk (that traitor!), and came right to my home after the phone call (that freak!).

I called the Jang residence the next morning, and since it was Sunday, Mrs.Jang told us to come over. I freaked out a little bit, but Jaejoong confidently urged me to agree with the appointment.

"Whoa," I gaped when Jaejoong came out of the bathroom, "where did you get that suit?" "It's Yoo Suk. Aren't I well prepared?"- he gave me a toothy grin.

"Come to think of it, Yoo Suk treats you really well. You guys would make a good couple."

"Tae Yeon!" Jaejoong sounded pissed for once. "When will you stop saying that I'm gay?"

"When you stop saying that you're gonna be my boyfriend. Seriously, Boojae, you have many girls around you, why not pick one of them?" - I shrugged. We had this discussion a zillion times before.

Jaejoong heaved a deep sigh. "You still don't know?" "Know what? That you're gay?"

"That I hang out with those girls only to get you jealous?"

With that he effectively shut my mouth and ended the argument. This is exactly why I

hated my best friend, with a passion.

We stayed silent on the way to Junsu's house, an awkward atmosphere hovering over us. When we finally arrived, I let out a relieved sigh, as if I just saw heaven. Ri In came out to greet us, shining like an angel.

"Tae Yeon! Welcome back! And here is..."- she turned to Jaejoong, who had come back to Earth and his playboy nature. He promptly extended his hand to her, and beamed his most charming smile.

"Her boss, Kim Jaejoong. Please tell me that you are not the bride, or else my heart would break seeing such a beautiful lady belong to someone else."

Ri In's already rosy cheeks turned rosier. She chuckled and held out her hand to shake his.

"Jang Ri In, nice to meet you. I'm looking forward to see your plan for my wedding."

I discreetly stamped on Jaejoong's foot as he feigned a disappointed sigh and opened his mouth for more cheesy pick-up lines. If he could seduce Ri In, it'd be perfect: I could get rid of his annoying "you're my only love" and get Junsu back. Still...standing in front of the innocent Ri In, the only thing I could think of was to...protect her from the claws of the playboy, if that even makes sense. Yeah right, I am SUCH a hypocrite, but, I can't help it.

Maybe it was why Junsu fell in love with her. How could anyone hate her, if she smiled like that?

"Please wait, my mom will be right with you." She ushered us to the couch in the living room and brought out some tea. "She's talking to my best friend, who is going to the bridesmaid."

"Who is the best man?"- I asked randomly.

"Changmin oppa." Ri In said, with a wry smile. She looked extremely troubled when she said his name. I bet they didn't want to show off his kimchi eating skills to people.

Speaking of the devil, he stormed into the house the moment we mentioned him. It's like he had this magical power to appear whenever he is not needed or something.

"Ri In," he grunted through clenched teeth, "where is that pink berry?"

Huh? Since when did berry become pink?

"What's wrong, oppa?" Ri In's eyes widened in confusion. "Tiffany is talking to umma..."

"YOU PINK BERRY!" Everybody jumped at the sound of his shout. He was pointing at a girl who just came out from the kitchen, his finger trembling as if about to fall off his hand.

"OPPA!"- the girl's shout was no less deafening, only a lot more high-pitched. "Awww what a loving word, pink berry! You can't even bear to call me b1cth, can you?"

Oh.

The girl had short hair that wrapped neatly around her neck, almost touching her shoulders. Double eyelids, high, slender nose, heart-shaped lips, sparkling eyes, white straight teeth - she was the epitome of cuteness and beauty.

"What is your problem?" Changmin glared at her, while she kept smiling sheepishly at him. "You...you wrote...a story about me, and it's not even true!"

Tiffany batted her eyes in the most innocent manner. "It's called "fanfic", oppa-yah! It's

fiction! Every uljjang has fanfics dedicated to them, and you're such a famous uljjang, so..."

"Whatever." Right. "Take it off the Internet, or you're dead."

"Awwwww!" She squealed, cupping her hands under her chin. "Oppa sounds so hot! I

know you like me, but express it through violence! Oppa, saranghaeeeeeee!"

She opened her arms and ran to him, but Changmin was faster and had pushed her aside before she could hug him. Moral? The girl who calls a guy "oppa" will never get him. You need stronger words, like "jerk", "bastard", etc.

"Guys," Ri In coughed, trying her best to keep a straight face, "we have guests." She quickly introduced everybody to everybody. The girl was Tiffany Hwang, the best friend she was talking about.

"Tif...Tiffany?"- Jaejoong stammered when he heard her name, after gasping at the girl for what seemed like a century.

Tiffany arched her eyebrows, not sure how to react. I chimed in.

"Sorry, we once knew a Tiffany Hwang, but she was a lot chubbier than you, had single eyelid, not as pretty, and..."

"No your mom's so gay?"- Tiffany cut in.

Huh? Did she just say my mom was so gay? Hey, how could she insult dead people like that? I swear on the dead body of my mother...

Wait.

What did she just say?

[Opening Interview]

- So, Junsu-sshi, tell us how you feel about starring in my fanfic, again!

- I'm glad you didn't make me so emo this time. For some odd reason, fic authors like to make me all depressed and heart-broken...

- Because emo guys are hot! To tell you the truth, I had a hard time making you look hot in this fic, which was why you had to be a little...revealing...in the first chapter.

- Yeah, I wasn't comfortable with my shirt unbuttoned...

- I even considered ripping you naked, but the readers might...wait, where are you going?

Kim Junsu, come back here, we're not done yet! Xiah! Junsu! Kim...

... [blank screen]

Enjoy.

04.

Let's do a simple calculation.

There are 6,700,000,000 people on Earth.

Kim Jaejoong is one of them, if you ignore his hotness and retardedness and count him as human. Tiffany Hwang is also one of them. The chance that a Kim Jaejoong will meet a Tiffany Hwang is 1/6,700,000,000, which roughly equals to

0.000000000014925373134328358...DOESN'T-MATTER. Can we just say...NONE?

And the chance that this Tiffany Hwang we were staring at is THE Tiffany from THE Kim Jaejoong's dim and distant past again is...subzero, I think, but don't trust me. Although I'm Asian, I'm not really good at Math.

That being said...you guys are having the honor of witnessing an event that only happens once every hundred years: a man reuniting with his childhood sweetheart who slapped him and scarred his childhood forever because she thought he said her mom was very

gay. Tiffany's face was slowly getting red and her eyes flared with fire as she glowered at

Jaejoong. Man, that confession must have left an indelible pain in her heart...so much

that she had to change her appearance completely to forget. I actually admired her. Plastic surgery with a cause is a noble act!

"You have...grown up."- was my good for nothing remark in an attempt to break the ice. My attempt was so successful that I was almost shot dead by Tiffany's death glares.

"You guys know each other?"- Ri In asked, turning from me, who was admiring the ceiling, to Jaejoong, who was having trouble closing his mouth, to Tiffany, whose eyes seemed to be welling up with what looked an awful lot like tears.

As I opened my pretty mouth to give everybody a proper explanation, Mrs. Jang entered the room, followed by my gorgeous husband-but-not-really Junsu, who was wearing a white, short-sleeved T-shirt neatly embracing the curves of his chest muscles, aptly matched by a pair of black jeans pants nicely complimenting his behind.

Hubby-ah, I swear to God that I'm not chasing after you because of your sexiness.

Really.

While my soul was flying off to cloud nine, he gave Ri In a quick smooch on the cheek, and waved at us with a warm grin.

"Wow, it's a party over here. What am I missing?"

"World War III. I mean, a friendly reunion of childhood buddies, right, Jaejoong?"

I put on the most natural smile possible and gave Jaejoong a sharp nudge. The freak shook his head slightly to snap out of whatever he was in, and smiled charmingly to Mrs.Jang. His smile faded a little when I introduced Junsu, whose eyes squinted with amusement when Jaejoong shook his hand. I glanced at their grip and realized from the popping veins in his hand that Jaejoong was using more force than necessary.

Mrs.Jang sat herself on the white sofa, with Ri In and Junsu at one side. It was only then that I noticed how well-matched they were: his gentle features and her large eyes and warm smile, his crisp spiky hair and her velvet, flowing locks. They were one of those couples who simply look good when placed next to each other, like a pair of well-made shoes, compatible and inseparable.

Realizing I was staring at them too much, I ducked my head down to sip at the tea. Was it just me or was the tea oddly bitter today?

"Changmin, where are you going?"- Mrs.Jang called out to the boy who was silently trudging away.

"Room."- he shrugged. Insolent brat! Even I never talked to my mom that way. Wait, my mom died when I was born...oh...well, you get the point.

"I will go with oppa!"- said Tiffany in her usual high-pitched, cheerful voice, clutching Changmin's arm. As he was trying to throw her down the floor, Mrs.Jang said with a frown.

"Stay, both of you. Changmin, you've been avoiding us since the start of the arrangements, and you're the best man. Why don't you try to care about this wedding a little?"

"Why? Let me think," he casually scratched his head, and heaps of tiny little white specks of dust fell down from his hair.

Just kidding. No human can have that much dandruff! Changmin's was only enough to make a snowfall...

"Oh, because I really don't care?"- was his nonchalant conclusion after "thinking". "Changmin!"- Mrs.Jang glared angrily at him, her voice stern and demanding.

Changmin mumbled an annoyed "aish" and grudgingly squatted on a short sofa opposite my armchair. Tiffany skipped to his side and shyly asked if she could sit with him.

He rolled his eyes. "What..."

"...ever." - I finished his catch phrase. Simply out of reflex. He tossed me a dirty look. Pssh, WHATEVER.

"So, Mr.Kim," Mrs.Jang said while examining Jaejoong's face, "can you tell us a little bit about your company?"

"To tell the truth," Jaejoong leaned forward with elbows on his knees and began with his smooth, leisurely voice, "it is a very small family company. My father is the director, with the help of my mother as chief event planner. Although I'm still in my third year in university, I have been taking charge of various tasks in the planning process since high school. Our family believes in the importance of a well-planned wedding, for it is the setting stone of a long-standing marriage. Being a happy family ourselves, we have always tried to bring the warm and loving familial atmosphere to our events with utmost enthusiasm, despite our modest number of staff members. We believe in the bond between the wedding planner and the clients, for such cooperation will bring the best out of both sides and make the wedding the most memorable moments in their and their families lives."

...

...

Wait a second, I need to take a breath.

Huff...

OK.

HOLY MOLLY JOLLY FOLLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING HERE. Did he speak in Korean?

Not a single word he spoke was true, yet he didn't even need to rehearse! Everybody, from Mrs. Jang to Changmin, practically gaped at Jaejoong as if he were the Eighth Wonder of the World. It was...surreal, even though Jaejoong has always been known for his talent in bullsh1tting. Once we had this literature quiz contest at school; and our team only needed to get the final question to win. The question asked about the name of the main character in a story, and Jaejoong, never having touched the book, shouted out "Jimmie." And guess what?

The correct answer was "James." We won. Yeah. Life.

Did I mention he majored in Advertising?

In any case, I'm thankful, because Mrs.Jang seemed thoroughly moved and perhaps was convinced enough not to detect any fault on Jaejoong's face. Look, she was opening her mouth with her lips raised in some vague version of a smile...

"Your lips are too red." Forget what I said about a smile.

"I eat a lot of vitamin A, ma'am."- Jaejoong replied coolly, with me nodding in sympathy on the side. It's actually really sad. He can't cook anything, even instant noodles, but he knows how to put an egg into a pot of boiling water, hence the vitamin A influx.

"Your skin is too white."

"It's a genetic thing. My great-grandfather's cousin's wife's mother was from Europe." Yeah, and her name's Snow White.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT major in Advertising.

"Mom," Junsu shifted uncomfortably on his seat, "it may not be obvious to you, but you're being, um, a little too direct..."

"But he does look too girly!" Mrs.Jang exclaimed, shaking her head slightly.

Crap! Much as I agreed with her, I couldn't let her win this game. Holding my breath, I

blurted out before Jaejoong could give her anymore of his expertise.

"It's a sad story." I blurted. "We met in the hospital when he was being treated for a hormonal disorder that makes his face look like a girl..."

Cough, cough. Clang. Puff, puff. Pfff.

A series of noise suddenly erupted. Ri In coughed violently, apparently choking on her tea. Mrs.Jang slammed her cup, unintentionally, on the glass table. Changmin spit out the tea he was drinking on Tiffany's skirt, and Junsu buried his face in the pillow, his shoulders trembling with suppressed laughter.

What an animated family.

Jaejoong heaved a secret sigh and instantly flashed his charming smile to the family. "I'm...sorry, my employee...She was being treated for delusion...OUCH! Tae Yeon stop

pinching me! Anyway, Mrs.Jang, you should know that meterosexuality is the new hype nowadays. Under the influence of Korean TV drama, the definition of male attractiveness

has shifted from "handsome" to "pretty." The gayer a man looks, the more popular he is. Speaking in Freudian language, the trend represents the society's despair when it can no longer find true beauty in the female sex, considering 9.5 out of 10 women have plastic surgery these days. Working in a industry that is so competitive and requires the instant liking of customers, I can't help but follow the trend, so please understand my dilemma."

Wow.

What he said sounded like the jabbering language of Mars to me, but somehow it had this really cool...feel to it. Thank God his brain functioned once in a while.

Mrs.Jang lips were raised, again, in a very strange imitation of a smile - it's like she was trying to show her teeth rather than naturally smile, but I don't blame her. Everybody is bad at something, right?

"Well, then, I guess we can give you a chance."

I couldn't help jumping on my seat, screeching a loud "YES".

Everybody else also broke out into dancing happily on their feet, singing "Summer! Summer! Wedding! Wedding!"

...

Are you kidding me? What do you think this is, High School Musical 3?

Except me everybody was still calmly on their seat, with their eyes weirdly on me. "Looks like you're finally getting married, Ri Inie." Tiffany pouted while still rubbing

vigorously at the spot on her skirt that Changmin spit tea on. I swear that she had licked and kissed it just seconds ago.

Ri In blushed profusely, lowering her head to avoid Junsu's beaming face and loving gaze. One hand still holding hers, he reached with his other hand for his mom's, murmuring a thank-you.

Instinctively, I clutched tightly at the hem of Jaejoong's sleeve. I'd succeeded at my first step to gain back my husband, why was my heart sinking so badly?

...

After talking to Mrs.Jang, we found out that although they'd been preparing for this wedding for...over a year and much of the arrangement was all set, everything was not well coordinated because of the constant change in wedding planners. I mean, what is a restaurant to do if one day Mr. A wants to have steak for the guests, and the next day a Mr. B shows up changing the whole menu into vegetarian food, because he used to be a

tree-hugging hippie?

Which explained why the first thing we had to do was choosing the venue and checking the food. I booked a table at the restaurant of a famous hotel so that we could come and have a taste. It turned out that Ri In was busy that day, which meant...it would be me and Junsu ALONE. We would have a romantic dinner together, and he would surprise me by playing the piano and singing some random romantic song the way Park Shin Yang did in that drama, "Lovers in Paris." Actually I wasn't sure if he knew how to play the piano but since he was the main character of my love story he must be able to play something.

The thought made me squirm with excitement and dance ten rounds around the house, until I noticed a thing called Kim Jaejoong slumping in the chair like a bag of meat looking gloomy like a rat without cheese - hey it rhymes! I am such a good poet...

"Hey, what's up? You did a great job the other day, by the way, dear grand master of the art of bullshiting." I slapped his thigh while shoving some candies into his lap.

"Why was she there? Just my luck!"- he groaned, turning away from the candies. Kim

Jaejoong ignored my act of affection? It's like Linsay Lohan no longer frequenting rehab. "Come on, it's ages ago!"

"I'm gonna get revenge." Jaejoong clenched his teeth. I had never seen him this angry ever since a boy in our school mistook him for a girl and kissed him on the forehead. "She was the only one that dared to reject the Almighty Sexy Kim Jaejoong."

Oh? The ONLY one? Did I say yes to his confession and forget that I did? Did I? Did I? "Baby, thank you." He suddenly gave me a tight hug, the manly scent of his cologne

attacking my nose. "If it weren't for your retarded plan I wouldn't have the chance to get back at Tiffany. We're in this game together!"

"Whatever." Ugh, why does this sound familiar? "Go have dinner yourself, Jae. I have a date today."

I pushed him off and quickly ran to the bathroom to prepare for the ultimate romantic dinner with my soon-to-be-again husband. It must be my imagination, but as I turned away, I heard a puff that sounded a lot like a deep, deep sigh.

[Star Focus]

- Hi everybody, I'm Kim Tae Yeon, the main character of this story. In real life, I'm actually not retarded as portrayed in this story. If you've watched Mnet Girls Go To School, you know that I'm very cute and think like a normal person, right? If you ask me, the author must have been on crack when she created my personality in this story...OUCH! Don't push me with your feet! Wait, author, I haven't fi---

[blank screen]

[The author once again apologizes for the foolishness of her characters.] Enjoy.

05.

If I were to describe to you the feeling in my stomach now , "butterfly" would not be enough. It felt...enthralling...no, thrilling - like that night you roll from left to right on your bed before your first school trip, like that second you sniff in the smell of a deliciously roasted chicken and saliva starts to water your mouth. Humming a song, I skipped to the restaurant cheerfully the way you did on the first day of elementary school

- I know school is not exactly the happiest thing in the world, but back then, we were naïve, weren't we? We thought of school as this...heavenly place where we would be free of parents' glares, where we would have the most fun learning all the new things about the world...

...until we learned the greatest lesson that homework, not love, is the only thing in this world that won't end. In other words, we didn't know suffering would lie ahead, as I didn't know the date would end in disaster...but that is for later. Right now, I couldn't really talk to you guys, because...

I tripped.

And fell face-down on the ground. Oh joy.

Karma. It's karma!

I hate high-heel shoes, with a passion. I mean, look at those women walking in high- heels! It's...disturbing- the hips, the butts...swaying, you know? They SWAY. Like, from left to right and right to left and back to forth. Plus, how could they ever balance and not fall down walking on those sticks that look more dangerous than rope-walking? I scorn at them (the shoes, not the women), and yet today I was wearing a pair of sparkling - oh

yes, they sparkled! - silver-colored 5 cm tall high-heels. And I was wise enough to skip. The shoes were taking their revenge on me!

"TaeYeon-sshi, are you okay?" Omo, that voice!

From the sky, Junsu flew down with white wings and appeared inches before my nose, looking down with pity at me. Ok, forget the wings, he had something far better: a French beige overcoat falling loosely above his knees, pleasantly contrasted by the black shirt

and pants it was covering. He bent down to offer me his hand, smiling with his eyebrows slightly tipped.

"I'm...I'm fine, thanks."

I pushed myself up immediately without his help. I could feel the redness of my face pressing against the skin and pouring out through every pore. After two excruciating hours of preparation, this was how I presented myself to him! Now don't you take me wrong, the only make-up I managed to put on was a little lip gloss, a thin layer of foundation and a little curling of the eyelashes. That, however, took me an hour because I

had to go to a store to buy all those, having never worn make-up before in my life. It took the shopkeeper half an hour to explain to me what I would need and that first you have to put on foundation, and then...what is it...oh shit, I forgot...something else, then another layer that you dabbed on that...

...WOMEN!

"TaeYeon-sshi, are you hurt?" Junsu asked hesitantly, scratching his head, trying really hard not to giggle at me brushing off imaginary dust from my skirt.

"No, not a scratch. Let's go!" I grinned awkwardly, adjusted my skirt one last time, and walked side by side with Junsu to the restaurant.

We arrived at the Millennium Seoul Hilton Hotel, one of the best five-star hotels in Seoul. It has restaurants featuring Mediterranean, Italian, French, Chinese, and Japanese cuisines

- and no Korean restaurant. I suspect their future heiress has something to do with this bizarre arrangement. Maybe after coming back from a party, probably either drunk or high or both, she realized that the hotel was located in the capital of South Korea where, obviously, there were a lot of Korean restaurants already and decided that foreigners

coming from other parts of the world did not need to have a taste of the country they were visiting. Paris Hilton totally owns the logic game, baby.

I chose the French restaurant, for French cuisines are famous for their delicacy and because...I had never had French food before. The restaurant was spacious and lit in soft, yellow light, with brown chairs nicely standing around small, square tables in spotlessly white tablecloth. Our reserved table was in the center of the room, and around us were mostly foreigners talking in English and French. The waiter quickly pulled out chairs for us and handed us the menu.

"TaeYeon-sshi, what do you think the guests would like?" - Junsu asked, glancing through the menu.

"Uh..." I stammered, still struggling to figure out what the heck "filo pastry" or

"mignardises" was. "Maybe we can try number one and three for appetizer, number seven and nine for main courses, and number eleven for dessert?"

As you can tell, I picked all the odd numbers, because only God (assuming He isn't vegetarian) knows how "Sea Scallops with Riesling Wine and Celery Root" is different from "Lobster and Tarragon Ravioli".

Without looking up I could tell the waiter was raising his eyebrows with the can't-you- tell-this-is-not-a-fast food-restaurant expression. Junsu pursed his lips, pondering over my choices and read his decision to the waiter.

After the waiter left, there was a brief moment of silence, since neither of us was sure what to say. I would have tossed everything straight on the table, something like "Hey remember, we vowed to get married when we were kids so let's turn this whole wedding into ours?" if I had the guts, but hey, I'm not nuts!

"I..." - we spoke simultaneously. "Go ahead." Junsu waved a hand.

I tapped at the empty wine glass on my side of the table. "Um...I was just curious...how long have you guys been dating?"

"Three years, officially." Junsu leaned back on his chair, blushing mildly. "We kind of had a mutual crush way before that."

"What are you studying in college?" I abruptly changed the topic, making Junsu's eyes widen for a second. I didn't want that funny sensation in my stomach to continue, that same sinking feeling I had when I saw them together.

"Photography. What about you?"

His answer startled me a little, for he was far from the usual image of an unshaved, long- haired, rugged photographer who likes to wander and take in every snapshot of life. Still,

I remembered even when he was a kid, Junsu already had a very special visual perception of the world. After all, we met because he thought my head - I had bob haircut back then

- was a...pumpkin. I was sitting on the green grass and my orange hat somehow stood out enough for him to make SUCH a mistake.

"I'm gonna enter a teacher's college this Fall," I said, straightening my back in pride. My dream, besides getting married to Junsu, was to become a teacher and come back to

work at the orphanage. Not many people thought it was a good idea. Some advised me to try for a music school to major in violin, but I knew I wasn't good enough to get a scholarship to afford the tuition fees. Some tried desperately to talk me out of it, fearing what I might teach the kids. Although it's true that I taught the younger kids in the

orphanage to play all kinds of dangerous physical games and many of them had scars all over their legs and arms, some even had to go to the hospital, it doesn't mean I can't be a good teacher, right?

"Are you still with the orphanage?" Junsu asked.

"I am. Actually I will come back there after college. It's my home." And used to be yours, too.

"I haven't visited the place for so long," he sighed. "Maybe I could go with Ri In after the wedding."

A pang hit me as I felt my stomach twisted in pain. I decided the only way to get rid of this annoying sensation was to tell him the whole story.

"Junsu-sshi, there is something I need to tell you." I took a deep breath. "We..." "AH CHOO."

"God bless you." "Bless you." "Bless you."

...

A man near our table sneezed loudly, and my voice was drowned in a burst of "Bless you" in English from other tables shot at the poor soul.

"Pardon me?"- Junsu leaned forward, unable to hear me clearly. I cleared my throat to start again.

"The truth is, I..." "AH CHOO!" "Bless you." "Bless you." "Bless you."

...

Okay. So much blessing here.

"Let me start again. Other than letting you know about Sister Park's death, the reason why I came here to find you is," I paused to look over my shoulder at the sneezer, and after half a minute of safe silence, I continued, "we..."

"AH CHOO!" "God bless..."

"...EVERYBODY, SNEEZING OR NOT. AMEN."

There. THAT would put an end to the chaos and save God a lot of work. People don't understand that God is busy, too! Somebody had to be the hero and tell them, right? I...

Wait.

Every head in the restaurant, from the waiters to the patrons to the fish head on the plate on the opposite table, turned to me. I was standing, my arms propping myself up against the table, still panting slightly from shouting too loudly.

"Tae...Tae Yeon-sshi..."- Junsu patted my hand gently.

I panicked and plopped right back to my seat, ducking my head down to stare intensely at the empty plate as if it were so delicious I could eat it right away. Before I could resume the conversation, Junsu suddenly smiled widely at me...

Jang Ri In.

No, she did not appear from a twinkling mass of magical dust, but waltzed very humanly to our table from the door, wearing a knee-length, white semi-formal sundress with a

loose waist, a draped, cross-over neckline, and a simple embroidered flowery pattern near the hem on the left side. I glanced down at my plain, baby blue skirt and top, and fell the flush rushing to my face again. I mean, I had to look up on the Internet to know what a "canvas skirt" is, who am I to complain?

"Ri In called me earlier and said she's finished her work and could join us, I hope you don't mind. I had meant to tell you earlier." Junsu asked as he stood up to hold Ri In's hand and squeezed it affectionately.

"Of course I don't mind. It's great that you can make it here, Ri In-sshi."

I gave Ri In a toothy grin as she greeted me, hoping I didn't look like one of those jealous third-wheel girls in Korean drama who would shoot glares like daggers at the main innocent lead girl. I was so disappointed that I might as well go hang myself, but sitting here to eat delicious French food and drool over Junsu's hotness sounded better to me.

"Initially Tiffany wanted me to go to that Global Warming protest with her," Ri In explained, "but then she said it was too hot outside so she canceled it."

Junsu let out a sympathetic chuckle as Ri In shook her head tiredly. The waiter had come back with wine and the appetizers on his tray, and as he began to arrange everything on the table, a high-pitched sound - so high it exceeded the frequency that human ears could catch - pierced us like the fatal shears of Death God...

"Oppa, I found them!"

God, I know you're exhausted from blessing sneezing people but can you please be nice for once and bless me too? Like, make my wish come true? Like, make it not Tiffany and Changmin who were approaching us?

"Oh, I told Tiffany we would be here, so she convinced mom that she and Changmin should come, too."

Somehow Ri In's words reminded me of that creepy eyeless ghost in "The Grudge" who for the whole movie could only "khe...khe...khe" very scarily and uselessly. It gave me chills. But it was just my imagination, because her voice was ever so soothing and sweet. It must be the names that she mentioned.

And why couldn't that boy with the grumbling face as if he made money from polluting the atmosphere and that girl with a so-pink-it-hurts skirt be a product of my imagination, too? They felt so...real as they positioned their chairs beside us, and soon the small table became too crowded that we had to move to another one. Was this a party or something? Where did all these people come from? From their mothers' tummies, I know, but...where?

"This is fucking retarded. What am I doing here?" - Changmin scoffed. I almost nodded in agreement.

"Oppa," Ri In smacked her tongue, "no swearing, remember? I will tell you on umma." She said the last words with a wink, making sure he knew it was a joke. That may explain why he had to use that bizarre word, "pink berry."

Tiffany leaned over to Changmin, smiling sheepishly. "Oppa, why do you have to look so angry?" Yeah, I wonder why. "At least I'm here for you."

Junsu turned away to hide an amused cough, and rubbed his hands together excitedly. "Well, let's eat before things get cold. We should tell Tae Yeon-sshi what we like so that

she can talk to the hotel."

"Oh, let me tell you guys something very funny." Tiffany said as we began to put food onto our plates. "I was telling my Dad that I want to join "Korea's Next Top Model"..."

"Eh?," Ri In cut in, "What happened to your dream of becoming a feminist who opposes to the objectification of women..."

"What about it?"- Tiffany asked, still focusing on her plate.

Since I was sitting opposite Ri In, I accidentally caught her eyes. I grinned as we exchanged a meaningful look.

"No, nothing," Ri In shrugged, "go on."

"OK. So...my Dad burst into this rant about how Koreans are too Americanized nowadays, copying programs like "America's Next Top Model", throwing in careless English into songs and all that stuff. He told me he saw a boy singing at this...Dark God or Dark Lord something club, and his fobby English was ridiculous, as if he had no idea what he was singing about. He sang something like "Potty let's potty potty time"..oh my God, oppa, are you alright?"

On the seat next to Ri In, Changmin was grabbing his own neck, apparently having trouble swallowing a snail from the Escargot en filo something something dish we were having. Ri In quickly handed him a big glass of water and Tiffany continuously stroked his back while he was drinking, trying to push down the food with water.

I whistled wickedly. "I agree with your father. Some people like to try too hard." Changmin, having recovered from the choke, crossed his arms to glare at me from across

the table."Yeah, and some try so hard that they become frauds." "What do you mean?"- I eyed him cautiously.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Surprisingly I don't, unless you're talking about what I think you're talking about." "Well, I guess you don't know that I know?"

"I know what you know I know. But I don't think you know what you think you know."

"Wait wait, excuse me here," Junsu raised both of his hands over his head. "Can you two please talk in a language that the rest of us can understand?"

"OK, since this concerns you and your wedding," Changmin's lips formed a quick smirk, which died down when he caught Ri In's gaze. "I have a friend who happens to know her," he pointed his chin at me, "and she has been lying to you guys all along. Her boss is actually...AAAAAAAAA."

Before he could finish, I had kicked with all my strength at his chair. Since he was crossing his arms, he lost his balance, and...

...fell on the floor.

06. In every person, there is a dark corner.

You might not be vicious in nature, but there will be times when you feel that monster inside creeping up your head, pouring evil thoughts into your mind. For example, that time when you are waiting in a one-block long line for the new iPhone and someone cuts into the line, robbing you of the chance to be the 1000000001st person to get hold of the ground-bombing mobile phone. Wouldn't you want to strangle them?

In all honesty, I am the perfectly nice, kind, sweet girl who only hurts a fly if it messes with my yummy cheesecake. Still, as I was gaping at Changmin groaning on the floor, I couldn't help but wish I could jump and choke him to death, saving several eardrums from The Boy Who Screams.

"OPPA! Oppa! Are you alright? Are you hurt? Is there any scratch? Should I call an ambulance?"

Ugh, maybe there was another one I needed to jump. Or kill.

"Kim Tae Yeon-sshi, what was that about?"- Tiffany hissed without looking at me. She was busy helping up Changmin, who tried to shove her away but couldn't because he himself was busy rubbing his precious butt. As soon as he was up on his feet, Changmin screamed with his finger pointing at me, his face contorted in anger.

"YOU! YOU ARE NOT---"

"Changmin-sshi, you must go to the bathroom to check if there's any injury. I will...escort you. Let's go."- I interrupted loudly and despite his vulgar protest that I would rather not narrate here, dragged him to the women's restroom - hey, don't underestimate me, why, you think, do I eat that much food for?

In the restroom, there were two ladies fixing up their make-up in front of the mirrors. They froze the moment their eyes landed on Changmin, their mouth agape and their hands still in the air.

"Out." Changmin barked, yanking out of my grasp. The women was startled, but didn't move. "NOW!"...and they ran like they had never run before.

"Changmin-sshi," I cleared my throat as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the sink. "What do you mean I lied?"

"Oh please," Changmin scoffed, "if you want to be a fraud, at least remember that

Yoosuk can't lie to save his ass."

Yoosuk, I cursed under my breath. Did he pause to consider before telling the brother of the girl whose husband I am trying to steal, no, get back? I'm soooo gonna call him by his real name from now. With perfect American accent.

"Yah...yah..." I held my head high with my arms akimbo, "yah...Shim...Shim Changmin, shut...shut...up or I will tell your mom about your little gig!"

"So?" Changmin smirked. "Are you dumb or are you retarded? How can she believe a fraud?"

My head drooped in defeat. The woman might have serious mental problems, but it seems her brain functions well. We had to ask Yoosuk to print some fake name cards because she wanted proof for the existence of our "company". Only one word from Changmin and she would probably ask us to bring the whole company in front of her for evidence.

"Shim Chang Min, I..." I slammed my hands hard on the sink and looked up slowly to stare into his eyes.

"What?"

"...beg you. Would you please, please let us stay? It's...really important." "No."

"Why?" I cried in disbelief, grabbing my head with my own hands. "If you've heard the story from Yoosuk, can't you understand that Junsu...he...he...promised..."

My face got redder and redder as I tried to spit out the word "marry." It didn't help that

Changmin was tilting his head, the corners of his mouth tipped up in an amused smirk. "He has Ri In now."

"That's...that's because he completely forgets about me! Once I get him to remember..."

"Are you blind? Saw them out there? You have no chance, give it up already."- Changmin snorted dismissively and began walking away.

I knew I never liked Changmin, but that very moment, I hated him with every single cell of my body.

Because I wasn't blind, and somewhere in my heart, a voice was whispering to me that he was right.

"One month." I ran to seize Changmin's elbow. "Give me just one month. If before the wedding, I still can't get him to remember, I'll give up."

Changmin, being a head and a neck taller, looked down at me, showing no particular emotion. He clenched his jaw for a while, and asked with a calmer voice.

"Why are you so hung up on that dumb ass?"

My eyes dilated in surprise. Throughout our childhood, being with Junsu had always felt natural, I never asked myself why. Why I wanted to be with him so much, and why I was going through all this sh1t to be with him again.

"Because..." I paused, searching for the right words. "...life makes sense when I'm with him."

Changmin said no more, pulled his elbow from my grasp, and disappeared from the bathroom.

...

I splashed water on my face, knowing everything had to come to an end. There would be no reason for me to stay, no way to stop this marriage anymore.

Why. Why couldn't I let go?

It might sound like the corny line from "Princess Diaries", but Junsu saw me when I was invisible. Most of the kids at the orphanage were abandoned right after they were born, and had grown up together. Losing my family to a car accident, I came to the orphanage at the age of six, and it was literally a struggle to get everybody to remember that I was there, that I, Kim Tae Yeon, was the new member of this family. A popular game we usually played was Sumbekokjil. I would run to find a very good place to hide, and waited - just waited, and waited, sometimes more than two hours, yet the "it" never managed to find me. When I came back to the gathering spot, everybody was gone and the game had ended.

They didn't remember that they had to find me.

Junsu rarely joined in with us, since he preferred practicing soccer with some other boys. On the day that he first joined in, they made him the "it", and he cheerfully covered his eyes, counting until everybody had hidden. As usual, I found a brilliant place to hide: the empty chest in the storage room. It was dark inside, there was no way to tell if the sun had set and another day had gone by without anyone there to jump up and down in joy,

screaming at me, "Gotcha!"

I dozed off instantly, with a hope well-sheltered in my dreams.

"Yah, sleepy-head! Wake up!"- a raspy, grainy voice invaded my sleep.

When I fluttered my eyes open, the familiar brown-haired, small head came into view. He was patting my head gently and repeatedly.

"Dolphin Butt?" I rubbed my eyes. "I won, right?"

Junsu stuck out his tongue. "You'd better treat me to something nice. I found you first, but you were sleeping, so I just let you be. Hurry up, everybody is waiting!"

He grinned, and held out his hand for me. A hand I knew I never wished to let go. And yet.

Why do I have to find you now, Junsu?

I limped my way back to our table, expecting angry faces awaiting me. To my astonishment, they were eating and chatting happily. My jaw fell to the floor as I nervously sat down, glancing from one person to another.

"Tae Yeon-sshi, you didn't need to lie."- Ri In looked up from her plate with an ear-to-ear smile. "Changmin told us about your boss. It's no big deal, really."

Huh? It's no big deal that he is no wedding planner whatsoever and that we were only lying so that he could get revenge for his stupid confession and I could hang around Junsu? Maybe her mother's mental problems had passed on to her...

"No wonder he said that weird thing to me back then. And he's so pretty!" Tiffany shook her head knowingly. "It's all because Kim Jaejoong is gay."

"Excuse me?"- I asked, my voice turning hoarse like sounds from a scratched CD. "Changmin oppa, she never really told us about Jaejoong-sshi sexual orientation, so that's

not really lying. Besides, it doesn't matter anyway, you shouldn't have freaked her out like that." Ri In furrowed her eyebrows reprovingly at Changmin, and returned to me with a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, we know Jaejoong-sshi wants to be discreet about this. We won't say anything."

I threw a glare at Changmin, who shrugged and mouthed something like you're-so-dumb- play-along-already. Just then, the waiter came back with a new dish which looked mushy

with dark brown powder sprinkled on its surface. As he put the plate on the table, I

sniffed the steam coming from it and recognized the scent of cinnamon.

"Excuse me, is there cinnamon in this dish?" I asked the waiter, who confirmed my

guess. I immediately picked up the menu, canceled the dish with cinnamon and ordered a different one instead.

"Is the dish not good?" Ri In asked, eyeing the plate curiously. "Oh, no, just, Junsu is allergic to cinnamon, so..."

"He is?" Her eyes widened at Junsu.

"I found out when I was still at the orphanage. We never have cinnamon in our house, so nobody knows," he explained to Ri In, and smiled at me with a tipped eyebrow. "It's been so long, how can you still remember?"

I lowered my head, my voice decreased to a murmur. "I never forget anything."

About you.

...

The dinner went by peacefully, if you didn't count Tiffany's informative and absolutely delightful report on how ground-breaking the new nail-polish was or how she didn't eat breakfast for a whole week because she was upset over her idol's new haircut. We quickly decided on a menu for the rehearsal dinner and the main ceremony, and left the hotel.

"Tae Yeon-sshi," Ri In clasped my hands in hers, "thanks so much for today. You must be tired, do you want Changmin to give you a ride?"

"Uh, no, it's ok." I'd rather die.

Or maybe not. I could feel regret knocking at my head when Changmin drove his black convertible to our side, and with a smug look on his face got off the car, slamming the door loudly.

Dang, that's hot.

"Hop on, Ri In. I'll drop you home before I go to...uh...my friend's."

"Oh, I'm gonna go to a movie with Junsu oppa, you go on ahead, oppa." Ri In said as she walked towards Junsu, who had successfully hailed a cab for both of them. Changmin snorted, scrunching his nose, his face turning a faint shade of red.

"Tae Yeon, do you want me to call a cab for you?" Junsu asked, his eyes beaming with sincere concern.

"No, I'm..."

"...going home with me." Uh...yeah?

I turned very, very, very slowly, slower than the slow motion thing they do on TV, first my head, then my shoulders, then my hips, then my legs. Really, really slowly.

Kim Jaejoong.

What the heck? Why is he everywhere I go? Is he McDonalds or even worse, Wal-Mart? Out of nowhere, Jaejoong appeared magically by my side, in casual jeans pants and a

grey polo shirt. Everybody, except Changmin and me, stared at Jaejoong funny for a brief moment and looked away instantly. Ri In and Junsu bid me goodbye and took off on their cab. Tiffany invited herself into Changmin's car, but was violently thrown out the

moment she buckled the seatbelt. Ignoring her stomping her feet and throwing a furtive fit, Changmin motioned for me to step aside.

"I don't care about Junsu," he said with an unusual solemn, low voice. "But make Ri In cry, and you'll cry a million rivers. Are we clear?"

I gave him an obedient nod, while drawing up the mental image of him being strangled by threads of ramen. Wait, scratch that. I'd rather him live, because Tiffany, who was waving her cell phone triumphantly at his face, seemed to succeed at hitching a ride on his car. As they drove off, I couldn't help but grin like an idiot, imagining how long that ride of his would be.

"How was the date?" Jaejoong asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I told him the whole story, without mentioning the gay part, of course. Jaejoong sighed and patted my head.

"That guy had a point. Look at them, baby. You'll only get hurt if you keep this up." "I'm fine, Joongie. I want to do it." I answered firmly, bunching my hands into fists.

"I don't understand you," he slapped his forehead, "here I am, the best crafted specimen

of the human male, the epitome of perfection and gorgeousness, oozing with sexiness that surpasses even Narcissus, willing to give himself to you, and yet you keep chasing after someone who doesn't even remember who you are. Tae Yeon-ah..."

My heart leapt up to my throat. Jaejoong was calling me by name instead of "baby,"

which means something fishy was coming up.

"In your eyes, can't you see me? You..." he held my right hand and put it on his left chest, "...are in here."

"Joongie," I looked straight into his eyes, biting my lips in hesitation, "I just don't want you to have false hopes. Do you know that hope can also be great torture?"

We stood still for the longest time, until Jaejoong finally broke the silence . "Crap. I forgot you watched "Lovers in Paris"."

"Loser!" I pouted. "At least you could have used Park Shin Yang's lines. You know I

didn't like Lee Dong Gun!"

"I know it! Your taste is weird..."

Still holding my hand, he began walking and dragging me behind. The silver, sparkling high-heels rubbed against the back of my feet, the itchy, burning sensation escalated with every step.

"Wait," I pulled from his grasp. "I need to take off my shoes. They hurt like hell!" Without a word, Jaejoong knelt down to take the shoes off my feet, held them in one

hand, and smoothly hoisted me onto his back.

"Hey, it's ok, I can walk. Let me down!"- I cried, thumping his shoulders.

"When you get hurt, I'll stop you." Jaejoong said as he resumed walking with ease, although I was weighing down on his back like a bag of rice. "And that's my own line, FYI."

....

The next day, I was woken up by the sound of my cell phone ringing. The clock said ten, but I could barely open my eyes, having been unable to sleep until three in the morning. There was too much to think about, my brain grew tired, since I don't use it very often.

"Hel...hello, this is Tae Yeon's phone, she's really sleepy, please say what you have to say quickly and hang up. She will or will not call you back, depending on who you are."- I groaned into the speaker of my phone with my drawling voice, hardly aware of what I

was saying.

On the other end, there was a big, hearty, crispy laugh that sounded like it was chopped into three separate parts.

"Junsu?" Suddenly I was all wide awake, all my senses had come back to life.

"Hi, Tae Yeon. Sorry for...um, waking you up, but I just remember something I wanted to ask you yesterday."

I sat straight up on my bed and tightened my grip on the phone. "Yes?"

"The other day, you mentioned a name...Yoo...Yoo...something..." "Park Yoochun?"

"Right! Park Yoochun. The name sounds very familiar, but I can't quite recall who it is. Is he someone from the orphanage, too?"

I fell silent. There was only the sound of two of us breathing into the speaker of the phones.

"Tae Yeon?"

"Yoochun...Yoochun was your best friend who passed away nine years ago."

Entertainment News]

Announcer: The latest drama hit, "Wedding Wrecker", has distressed a lot of fans by revealing the death of a character. Critics predict that he might have died of toe cancer, while fans look forward to more deaths and illnesses to come.

[At a rock concert] Reporter: Hi, we're from KBS Entertainment News. What do you think will happen next on "Wedding Wrecker"?

Girl in black clothes, black lipstick, black eyeliners: Ri In will have leukemia and die. Junsu will go back to Tae Yeon but will catch a cold and have pneumonia and die. Tae Yeon will finally accept Jaejoong's love but will have a car accident and die. Jaejoong will find comfort in Tiffany but finds out that he's bisexual and falls for Changmin instead. However, Changmin...

[Reporter]: Thank you for your wonderful answer. This is KBS Entertainment News, thanks for watching! Don't go away, "Wedding Wrecker" is up next.

Enjoy.

07. With every good thing comes a bad one.

With candies comes a dentist. With romantic stories comes cancer.

With Kim Junsu came Park Yoochun, aka the doom of my childhood life.

To be honest, he wasn't that bad. I had a good first impression of him. In the orphanage, he was a slightly different case, since he was Sister Park's nephew, unlike us who had no relatives left. Maybe that was why he always held his head high and his chin up, as if he was the king of the world. I wasn't friends with him until I hung out with Junsu, Yoochun's best friend.

"Hi, I'm Micky."- Yoochun greeted me when Junsu introduced us. I titled my head on one side, perplexed. Micky? What kind of name is Micky? Is it short for Microphone?

"Hi, I'm Donald."- I grinned, thinking it was a joke and...joked back.

Both Junsu and Yoochun gaped, and then bent down with laughter. I wasn't sure why.

All in all, our friendship had a good kick-off and remained pleasant for a few weeks, until Yoochun became extremely unpleasant. When the three of us were together, if I wanted to eat ice-cream, he would eat hot soup. If I said the sky was blue, he would try to argue that it was red. At first I only thought he was color-blind, but when I said Junsu was a boy and he tried to prove that Junsu was a girl, it was the last straw.

"Park Yoochun! Why must you fight with me all the time?"- I fumed, feeling my face flushed in red.

"I like to. Can't I do what I like?" he pulled the skin under one of his eyes and stuck out his tongue.

"But it's ridiculous! We're both Junsu's friends, be nice!"

"That's my way of being nice," he blinked innocently. "Got a problem?"

"A huge problem! When I say no, you say yes. I say blue, you red. Are you waiting for me to tell you to live, so that you'll go die?"

I was half joking, but Yoochun looked startled for a split second, then put both hands in his pockets, mumbling loud enough for me to hear.

"Pssh, who do you think you are? Why would I die because you tell me to?"

"Um, that's not the logic of your..."- I trailed off as he walk away, bobbing his head up and down in an imaginary beat.

The guy was really weird.

After Junsu promised to marry me, we spent more and more time together, which meant Micky spent less and less time with us, and his dislike for me became more and more obvious. Perhaps he was bitter that Junsu didn't hang out with him as much anymore, but my tolerance ran out when he repeatedly kicked the soccer into my face and hung a

bucket of water on top of his class's door so that water poured all over me when I came to visit Junsu.

"Park..."- I choked as I stood among bursting laughter, soaking wet. Junsu scurried to my side and wiped my face with his handkerchief.

"Yoochun, that's not funny." Junsu squeezed my hand in his while glaring sternly at

Yoochun, who simply crossed his legs and shrugged.

"I just do her a favor. She stinks. Need some washing, ya know?"

"I don't stink! I took a bath yesterday!"- I yelled. I hate it when somebody accuses me of being dirty. Apart from not doing laundry for a month, I'm a clean freak.

"You so stink. Like a cockroach," Micky snickered.

"I am not a cockroach! A cockroach is not human, and I am human, so I am not a cockroach!"

"A cockroach is dirty, and you are dirty, so you are a cockroach." "I said I took a bath yesterday!"

"No you didn't."

"I did! How did you know I didn't?"

"I just know, I'm cool like that. You didn't." "DID!"

"DIDN'T!" "DID!" "DIDN'T!"

We started shouting into each other's face, spitting saliva everywhere, and pushed away anyone who came near us, until Junsu roared "ENOUGH!" and dragged me out. The same scene, with different causes, would replay every single day, until...

...that accident.

That day, Yoochun was picked up at school by the people that were going to adopt him,

as they'd leave the orphanage after Yoochun finished packing. Junsu was sick at home, so I had no one to walk back with, and the driver was kind enough to offer me a ride. I couldn't remember much of the accident, aside from waking up in a hospital in Seoul, with people telling me that I miraculously survived a car accident, and Park Yoochun didn't. After that, I had to undergo several other surgeries for my injuries, and through a non-profit organization I was transferred to Boston to be treated for free. A life without bickering with Yoochun felt a little strange, but there was Jaejoong. Sometimes I would smile to myself, thinking Yoochun must have requested God to send Jaejoong to get on my nerves in his place.

I never saw Junsu ever since. I had wanted to be with him. It dreaded me just to imagine how he would receive the news of his best friend's death, at the age of twelve. Even now, without any memories of Park Yoochun, and nine years had passed, Junsu still looked shocked and upset when I related Micky's story to him. I made no mention of our promise, however. The sneezing man and the God-blessing madmen yesterday had extinguished all my courage. I was afraid he would laugh it off as a joke, and thought I was lying to him. No, I won't tell him, not until he remembers who I am - or was, in his life.

We were sitting in a café in Itaewon. From the glass windows I could see groups of tourists passing by. It was summer, and the tourist district was busier than ever.

"I don't understand," Junsu heaved a deep sigh. "Why do I forget who seem to be the most two important friends in the orphanage? I'm so sorry, Tae Yeon."

"You're a gorgeous being so you're forgiven" was what I really wanted to say, but instead, I simply said:

"Oh, it's fine. After all, amnesia is quite popular among Koreans."

"I want to visit Yoochun's grave some time," Junsu mused, sipping his coffee slowly. "It's really close to the orphanage, you can go when you visit us."

"Oh," He put down his cup, his face lit up a little, "how is the orphanage? Does Sister Lee still think she is Maria from "The Sound of Music" and run to hill to sing," he cleared his throat with a cough and made a face, ""The hills are alive...with the sound of music..."?"

"Hell yeah!" I giggled. "She would do that until she meets her Captain Von Trapp. And, and," I leaned forward excitedly, "remember Sister Moon?"

"The one with the round face, like the moon?"

"Yes! The one who told us she is cousin twice removed of Eric Moon of Shinhwa and great great aunt fiftieth removed of Moon Hee Jun H.O.T. Anyway, she is our headmaster now. She-"

"No kidding!"- Junsu exclaimed before I could finish. "She's not..err...serious enough to be a headmaster."

"Well, she is a pretty decent headmaster, I must say. She uses Shinhwa songs for the kids'

morning exercises, and makes them listen to Britney Spears' new single as punishment for their mischief. Don't worry, they haven't learned English yet."

Junsu threw back his head in a peal of crispy laughter, covering his mouth with the upper part of his arm. I picked up my glass of water, and when the rim of the glass touched my lips, I realized they were tipping up in a broad smile.

"Tae Yeon," Junsu said while wiping tears from the laughing, "this might sound crazy, but do you want to-"

"Be your wife? Yes." "Huh?"

Crap. I waved a hand, feigning innocence. "No, nothing. Do I want to what?"

"Do you want to go to the orphanage now?" Huh?

Let me brief you a little bit about Korean geography. The orphanage is in Busan. We are in Seoul. The distance between Busan and Seoul is...

...is...

...some distance, I don't know, but some very very large distance. If you take the train, it'll be a five hour trip. Even if you take the high-speed train, it'll be almost three hours. Then from Busan station you will have to take the bus to the subway station, then walk to another bus station, then...

"It's...really far," I said in an uncertain voice. "And we can't just...leave for...Busan..." "Don't worry, we'll be back in the evening," Junsu clapped his hands together

enthusiastically. "I don't have any plans for today, do you?"

Jaejoong left early this morning and wrote me a note, telling me to meet up for lunch at

Yoosuk's place. I fingered my cell phone. Jaejoong will be there forever. But for Junsu, it's now or never.

"No, I don't." I replied firmly.

...

"This number is currently unavailable. Please call again later. Thank you."

I rolled my eyes and snapped the phone shut. Well I didn't actually roll my eyes -

seriously, who ever rolls their eyes?- it was a figure of speech for my anger. It was the

47th time I called Jaejoong's number, and after the 40th time or so the voice of the phone message had become endearing. I glanced over my phone. It was an old Samsung Anycall, back when Hyori was still starring in its ad. They should at least have some system that detects the number of calling times, and after the 20th or so replace the message with "ANY number but this one is available. We could do ANYthing but help. It will available again ANY time soon. Thanks to ANYone who has called and failed."

We had arrived at the Busan station, and I was waiting for Junsu to get back from the bathroom. I suspected he went to wash my saliva on his shirt.

No, I didn't lick him. What do you take me for? A dog?

The thing is, I was still sleepy, and with the noiseless, smooth high-speed train, it was so easy to fall asleep. So I did. I woke up from some tapping on my hand. Under my cheek was something half soft, half robust, and kind of wet. Took me a few minutes to realize it was his shoulder.

"Had a good nap?"- he grinned, two deep lines curving around the corner of his mouth. I looked at Junsu. Then at the wet spot on the shoulder of his shirt. Then at the floor.

Unfortunately I had no Superman power to dig a hole just by staring at it.

"You smell really nice," was all I managed to say. Not that it helped me feel any less embarrassed. But he did smell really nice, soap mixed with sweat and a rough but tender scent of his own body.

He chuckled, and left it at that.

It took us almost an hour and several bus rides to finally get to the orphanage, which was located in Gijang-gun, the most rural of Busan's districts. The modest, three-storey house was only five minute walk from the beach, and was surrounded by a spacious yard with ginkgo and pear trees. I called out loud as we approached the door.

"Anybody home? The Almighty Tae Yeon is back!"

There were sounds of footsteps running, and within a second about ten kids at elementary school age burst out of the floor, cheering as they ran. Look at how happy they are! Although I've only taught them how to play dangerous games that injured themselves, they still love me so much! Aw, how sweet, I thought, and opened my arms wide to welcome them.

Aw, here they come...

...running past me...

...and hug Junsu's legs?

"Oppa! You're so hot! Who are you? Where are you from? How old are you? Can I marry you?"

WHAT THE?

I whirled my head around to see the children, most of them girls, huddling around Junsu, jumping up and down to get his attention, while Junsu was laughing heartily, shaking their hands and patting their heads. I thought I heard boys' voices as well.

Children these days! Traitors! Traitors! Only go for superficial beauty! A hot guy appears and they instantly forget their unnie who lived with them for years!

Not that I'm any better, but since I'm older, I feel like saying something wise. "Ahem," I coughed loudly into my hands. The children paid me no heed. "Hey!" I raised my voice. The children still paid me no heed.

"HELLO, CHICKEN WINGS AND MOZZARELLA STICKS." I roared. The children immediately spun around and saw me. Gosh, talk about food addicts...

"Tae Yeon nuna!" Inhwan, the cute boy with fluffy hair and deep smiling lines in his cheeks waved at me. "You're back! Is this hyung," he poked at Junsu's leg, "your husband?"

I scratched my head, not knowing what to say. I told them that I went to Seoul to bring my husband back, but lying to children is a sin, and I didn't want to sin. If I said he was my husband, I was lying. If I said he wasn't, I was also lying. Um, so what is the truth? He is partly my husband? His soul his mine but his body is not? Soul is cool and all, but I want his body, too. Or maybe, half of his body and half of his soul is mine, and the other half is not? I'm getting confused...

"Haha, I'm her friend, kiddo," Junsu ruffled Inhwan's hair. "I grew up here, too."

I picked Inhwan up in my arms and pretended to let go of him, but raised him up right when he was about to slide down, laughing along with his excited squeal.

"You guys...," I wavered my forefinger threateningly at the kids, "I will cut down half of your dinner tonight for ignoring me."

The kids looked at each other. And shrugged.

I swear to God, they are 50 years old, not 5.

Junsu squatted down so that his face and theirs were at the same level and pinched Inhwan's cheek while jokingly giving me a stern look. "Tae Yeon, cut them some slack. They're only kids. "

"Oh," Inhwan shook his head, "it doesn't matter. Nuna always eats our food anyway. She eats like a pig."

I swear to you, kids are dangerous. They really are.

...

We played with the kids for a while on the ground that is used for playing, called playground, and nothing much happened except I was too excited when I was on the swing that I raised my feet too high and when the swing descended my legs flew right into Junsu's face. It was his fault for standing right in front of the swing, but I admit I felt a bit guilty.

We came back in time for dinner, and as the kids rushed to take a bath, Junsu and I went to greet the nuns in the kitchen. Sister Lee SonKyu - the "Maria", the youngest nun with a deep groove in her upper lip that makes her look like a cat, hugged Junsu tightly and cupped his face in her hands as if he were still a kid.

"Junsu! Dear God, are you really Junsu? Oh my God, I can't believe it! I swear to God, you've become so handsome! Jesus Christ, how long has it been? Good god, how come you never visit?"

Sister Moon, the chubbier, older and saner - depending on how you define "sane", smiled gently, and asked him about his family as she laid the table. As if on cue, as soon as she put down the last plate, the children whooshed into the room and sat neatly on their seats. Several older kids at middle school age who came back from summer classes also joined us. We didn't touch the subject of Junsu's amnesia even once. I guessed he himself wasn't too proud of his condition.

"Nuna," Inhwan widened his eyes curiously as we started picking our food with

chopsticks, "you're not doing the ritual today?"

I dropped my jaw in horror, putting a finger over my mouth to hush Inhwan, but too late. "Ritual?" Junsu asked innocently.

"Yeah," Inhwan replied just as innocently. "Nuna talks to food before she eats them." Goddamn it Inhwan! And I'd tried so hard not to do it anywhere outside of this house... "What else does she do?" Junsu pressed on, not forgetting to smile widely at me.

This time, not only Inhwan, but all the other kids had jumped into the conversation. "She runs out on the street and screams for no reason."

"Unnie thinks snakes are from another planet, because they have no feet but they can move."

"Tae Yeon nuna, remember that time you wore your uniform inside out..." When I was about to breath my last gasp, Sister Moon came to save the day. "Children, children, focus on eating, you don't want Tae Yeon to eat all the food, do

you?"

Thank you very much, Sister.

"For God's sake, everyone, stop teasing her!" Sister Lee chimed in while chewing a large piece of steak, "Tae Yeon is into food as much as I am into God. Oh my God, Junsu, remember the first and only time you guys fought? You guys were always so close, but you ate one fifth of her custard and she got really mad...thank God she only sulked for a few weeks. God only knows what would happen if you had eaten the whole custard..."

"Sister!"- I cried, feeling all the blood from my toe had rushed to my face. Junsu was trying so hard not to crack up that his cheeks were puffing out like a hamster's.

"You two were indeed very close," Sister Moon nodded in agreement. "Are you still?" We locked eyes for a brief moment and both shifted uneasily on our chairs. Junsu

answered hesitantly.

"Not...really....It's been a long time, Sister."

"Well," Sister Moon beamed warmly, "as I see it, you haven't changed at all. She hasn't changed either. I'm sure you two will get along well, like you used to."

"Oh God, no," of course it's Sister Lee, God forbids! "Sister Moon, it doesn't work that way, Good God. They haven't changed, but God only knows what they think of each

other now. Wait, actually not only God knows, why don't you tell us, Junsu? What do you think of God, I mean, Tae Yeon?"

There was absolute silence as everybody, even the kids who didn't really get what was going on, stared at Junsu, waiting for his reply. He pursed his lips tightly, humming an indistinct sound, lines creasing his forehead. I could feel a lump leaping from my heart to clog my throat.

The first time we talked in his house's garden, he laughed at me. The second time I talked to his family, he laughed at me.

The third time I tripped and fell before him, he looked at me oddly.

The forth time, in the restaurant...the fifth, on the train...ugh, I can't even count, there are too many.

Now he found out that I eat like a pig, am a food freak and a freak in general.

"I'm full," I suddenly said in a curt voice and ran away to our backyard. What could he possibly think about me? I must have been an idiot to him, a total weirdo compared to a proper, elegant Ri In.

What a great way to get your love back, Kim Tae Yeon. Just great.

As I sat under the gingko tree, holding my head in between my knees, some kind of salty liquid pushed through my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, sneaking into my mouth. I used a finger to wipe off a drop and examined it.

DEAR GOD, IT'S TEAR! I'm turning into an emo!

Next thing you know, I will paint my nails black and become bisexual tomorrow. "Why are you crying?"- a voice from above my head said. It must be God. "Uh..."

"Let me guess, did your boyfriend dump you for your sister?" "Nah..."

"Or did you dump your boyfriend because you have cancer?" "Nah..."

"Or worse, did your childhood friend forget you and fail to stop you from crying?" "Yeah...HUH?"

I snapped my head up to find Junsu stoop in front of me. "Junsu!"

"My k-drama jokes must have been very lame, huh?" He grinned sheepishly. "You didn't even laugh!"

"Oh no no," I denied. "They are really funny. I'm just..."

"Did something happen? Why did you suddenly leave like that?"

"I'm...I'm..." I stammered, knowing full well that my face was getting redder with every second.

"You don't have to tell me," Junsu waved a hand. "You should have stayed, though. I was gonna say that...that..." Now it was him who blushed and stammered, "...that I think you are extremely..."

My heart pounded. "...extremely..."

...pounded. "...interesting." Oh.

"Interesting" is an interesting word. You can't tell what the other person means. Interesting, what? Like, fried scorpion is interesting, but you're not interested in eating it?

I wasn't sure what he meant, so I simply forced a constipated smile - that kind of smile you have when you are constipated.

"Oh," Junsu abruptly snapped his fingers as if just recalling something. "Sister Moon showed me the stuff that I left here, and there's a notebook...Might be a diary. Keeping a diary sounds gay to me, but we should check. Wait here, I'll bring it to you."

And I waited, for what seemed like half an hour, but he never returned. I walked back to the house, a little annoyed, only to find Junsu sitting motionless on the couch, a small, black leather covered notebook on his lap.

"Junsu? Is that the diary?" I peered at the notebook, which Junsu quickly tugged under his thigh, as though to hide a secret.

Looking away from me, he said in a cold, restrained voice I had never heard from him before.

"Tae Yeon, let's quit this. I don't want to remember you."

08.

"You...what?"

"Park Yoochun, you, childhood. I don't want to remember any of it."

Junsu's words tingled as if a thousand armies of bees were building their nests inside my ears. I shook my head violently and let out a loud, quivering laugh.

"Ha...ha...that's...that's a funny joke."

Junsu stood up to face me with a stern look. If he was going for the deadpan humor style, it was definitely working.

"I'm not joking, Tae Yeon. It's been years. Let's move on. Those memories are...not important. We are still friends, aren't we?"

"You have had too much...too much orange juice for today," I stuttered, my face as pale as a dead body. "You're not sober now. I'll...I'll talk to you...later."

I backed away until my feet hit the door, and with a quick turn ran off for the beach. What is this madness? Maybe it was me who had too much orange juice today. Too much vitamin C can make you hallucinate...I think.

As I plunged my fingers in the sands with quick, wide steps, I heard Junsu calling and chasing after me. I didn't stop. Maybe he was only being weirded out by my behaviors. Maybe if he didn't see me for a while, he would calm down and forget what he just said. I bit my lips and ran even faster, but Junsu had caught up and held me by the elbow. I kept running while pulling myself out of his grasp, and my fierce yank pushed us both onto

the sand.

"Tae Yeon!" Junsu cried, slamming my hand down as I was propping myself up to run again. "Stop running!"

"No!" I kicked his legs frantically, trying to get away, in vain. He had held my other hand down, facing me in a kneeling position. If it had been a different situation, I would have died of happiness to be so close to him like this. But not now. Goddamn it, not now.

"Listen to me!" Junsu shouted over my noisy protests. He let go of my hands to seize my shoulders and gave them a strong shake. "Listen!"

When I had finally quieted down, Junsu spoke carefully between his and my panting. "There's a reason why I erased those memories from my mind. Trust me, it's better for

both of us."

"What reason?" I snapped, spitting out the sands in my mouth.

"I...I can't tell you," Junsu released my shoulders, his arms dropping helplessly to his sides. "I'm sorry."

"Don't "sorry" me!" I clenched my fists, squeezing in them a bunch of sands. "You don't want to remember me, who you promised to be with as long as you're alive? I never said

I loved my family, what the heck, I don't remember what they looked like anymore. But I

remember you. I said I loved you. You were my family."

"We were only kids. You can't take what kids say too seriously." Junsu interrupted coldly. I coughed out a dry laugh. "You mean what a kid says means nothing? You mean you

were just joking when you asked me to be your wife, in front of Father Kim's tomb? Father Kim, remember, your father? You have a great sense of humor, then."

"Tae Yeon..."

"You mean it was just a joke that I begged the nuns not to send me for adoption, because

I believed you'd come back to find me at the orphanage? You think I'm that funny?"

Junsu fell silent, while I kept staring at him, waiting for a reply. Perhaps I stared at him for too long, the sight before me started to blur and tears came gushing out of my eyes. A lot of tears. They kept streaming down and down, soaking my cheeks, my neck, my lap. I hate girls who cry. They look desperate. I never want to look desperate.

I hated myself.

I wiped my cheeks and nose furiously, but only ended up smearing sands on my face. They rubbed against my skin, leaving an itchy sensation. Junsu held my wrist, and used his right thumb to stroke the sands off. I jerked my head away.

"I was eight, but I knew a lot of things," I said quietly as I stood up, brushing off the

sands on my pants. "I knew my family was dead and not just "going away." I knew even though they would never come back, on this planet there was still someone I could adore. I even knew who that person was. You. Kim Junsu. It has always been you."

I quickly turned my back to him and began walking, so that he wouldn't see the stupid tears flowing again. But I couldn't go far.

He had stopped me.

By wrapping his arms around my shoulders. From behind.

That moment, I thought finally, magic had happened to me. I was in his embrace, his hard chest pressing against my back, his left cheek buried in the nape of my neck, his breath puffing hot on my collarbone. Maybe I was really hallucinating this time, but I could hear his heart beating in sync with mine. My knees were trembling, I could barely hold myself up. It was a dream.

And a dream only lasts for so long.

Before I could lift my hand to touch his, he had whispered softly into my ear, and let go of me.

Sorry.

As I collapsed on the sands, I could clearly see my dream shatter like shards of glass crunching under his feet when he walked away from the beach. The sea waves sobbed in the deep night winds, with no sympathy from the shivering palm trees.

The shore was empty, save for a girl who kept wondering why the water on her face was salty, despite not being from the sea.

...

I sat at the beach until the morning. When I returned, Sister Lee let me know Junsu had left, after asking her the way to Yoochun's grave. He told Sister Lee that I might not want to see him, and asked her to take care of me. Sister Lee and Sister Moon kept pressing me for what happened, only to receive dismissive waves of hands and shrugs from me. I didn't bother to return to Seoul, and started an infinite stay at the orphanage. I kept

myself busy from sunrise to sunset by cooking for the kids, for myself, and eating almost non-stop. My menu was indiscriminate - rice, carrots, potatoes, pork, beef, whatever in my grasp, whenever I could. When I woke up, then breakfast, then after breakfast, before lunch, lunch, after lunch, before dinner, dinner, after dinner, and various snacks in between. The nuns tried to hide food from my sight, but I could always manage to smuggle some with the kids' help. Although they were a little freaked out by my unending appetite, they believed me when I threatened to tell Santa Claus about their mischief.

When it came to Ihnwan to take charge of the smuggle, he pestered me about Junsu. I snapped in reply, which made the kid burst out crying. I didn't know what to do, so I hugged him and burst out crying, too. Both of us looked extremely dirty and stupid with snot smearing all over our faces, but I could care less.

It'd only been four days since Junsu left. On the first day, Jaejoong called my cell phone at least fifty times, which I ignored, hoping he would give up. Eventually, my patience ran out and I took off the battery. When his brilliant head finally figured it out to call the orphanage's phone, I ran away every time the nuns told me it was him. Jaejoong was the only one I would be happy to see, also the only one I didn't know how to face. How could I appear before him and say, hey, I guess you were right, I'm an idiot?

However, Jaejoong, like McDonalds, had the ability to come into sight regardless of whether he was wanted or not.

I was sitting listlessly on the sofa, gobbling up some ice-cream with a suspicious looking deep blue color. The TV was playing that song, "Girlfriend", again, and I almost threw the spoon at the screen when Avril Lavigne started jumping and screaming as though she were having seizures, which, to my dismay, reminded me of another really-trying-to-be punk rocker - Shim Changmin. For some reason his face kept popping up and replaced Avril's in the music video, which made it far more disturbing.

"That can be your song." A familiar voice startled me. I craned my neck and saw everybody's favorite Jaejoong munching some leftover rice on a chair in a corner of the living room. The simple sight sent a cool breeze over my heart. I fought back a smile, and made a face.

"Uh...excuse me?"

"Well, Junsu is not your boyfriend, but the lyrics fit," Jaejoong shrugged. "You need a new guy, baby. Yours is so...whatever."

I threw a pillow at him, which he was able to dodge. "Hey, he's not whatever, whatever that means."

"Then why are you here? Sister Lee told me he even left you here to go back alone. Now tell me what's so great about that?" Jaejoong plopped down beside me with his arms crossed, his eyebrows knitted.

"You...don't understand." I snarled, my voice muffled behind the pillow I was hugging. He swung his arms up in an exaggerated gesture. "Of course I don't understand! How

could I understand if you left without a word and refused to pick up the phone? I know

I'm pretty fantastic, but not telepathic!"

I opened my mouth to explain that it was his phone that was turned off in the first place, but tightened my lips instantly when I saw the look on his face. Jaejoong cared about his beauty more than anything - he put cucumber slices on his face almost daily, there was

no way he would let dark rings appear around his eyes like that. He must have been really worried.

"Sorry," I mumbled, almost inaudibly. Jaejoong's lips twitched in an amused smile. He cupped his hand around his ear, leaning close to me.

"What did you say?" "IsaidI'msorrythatIdidn'tcallyouoransweryourcalls," I shot out rapidly.

"Still can't hear you. What?" He leaned closer, his face only inches from mine. The straight line of his nose joined with the contour of his slightly perked up upper lip to form a breathtaking profile. The proximity between us made me squirm. Gathering air into my lungs, I shouted with all my strength into his closer ear.

"I'M SORRY!"

"OUCH!" Jaejoong jumped on his seat and covered his ear with a painful expression. He bent down to hide his head between his knees, and uttered incessant muted groans. I waited for him to get over it, but he kept moaning.

"Hey, Jae," I called. He showed no reaction. Darn, did I just turn him deaf?

"Jae, are you okay?" I bent down, prying his hand open to examine his ear. The moment my fingers slipped into his hand, he closed his palm and looked up with a wicked grin. I gasped, and before I could draw back, he had pulled me into his arms and squeezed me gently.

"Your apology is not accepted. Your bird brain will never understand how much I worried for you."

Not knowing what to say, I rested my chin on his shoulder, and patted him softly on the back. For a very, very brief moment, I closed my eyes and wished that when my eyelashes fluttered up, it would be Junsu that I see. But I knew. This particular sharp scent of cologne, of shaving cream, maybe even of a million other skin-care products I didn't know of, belonged to Kim Jaejoong, The one and only Kim Jaejoong. It would always be him that remained by my side - whether I wanted or not.

"Tae Yeon, can I ask you something?" he loosened his arms, and gazed at me with glassy eyes, as if tears were brimming. Although I was familiar with all his professional corn and cheese, in a sentimental situation like this, even I couldn't help blushing.

"Yes?" I asked shyly.

"How long..." he paused to consider his words, "...how long have you not taken a shower?"

Oh dear.

It fully dawned on me - why I had never fallen for Kim Jaejoong. I wanted to hug myself out of self-gratitude and self-pride. Hey, it requires extreme mental strength to resist lust, you know?

"Only three days. Why?"

Jaejoong gaped at me, his mouth twisted in a repulsed expression.

"Much as I love you, baby, I have to say you're very disgusting. Please go take a shower this instant!"

"Hey, why are you such a girl? Not everyone takes a shower everyday!" I retorted indignantly, albeit half-jokingly. A shadow suddenly fell over Jaejoong's face. He turned away from me to stare at the TV.

"Tae Yeon-ah," he was using my name again. "Remember my revenge plan on Tiffany? I

was gonna make her fall for me and then ditch her."

I didn't remember him telling me before, but nodded nonetheless. It was one of those moments you could really feel the murderous, cold air from the other person and just have to comply with whatever they say.

"That day, I thought you went shopping with Ri In or something, so I called Tiffany out for a date. Do you know what she told me?"

I wiggled uncomfortably on the sofa, sensing what was coming. "No. What did she tell you?"

"That you told them I was gay," Jaejoong said calmly and looked at me, his eyes steeped in an emotion I couldn't read.

"That's...that's...it was a very..." I stammered. It was Changmin's idea, but I was his partner-in-crime, there was hardly anything to say in my defense. Beads of sweat raced down my forehead. From the calmness in his voice, I could tell this was serious business. Being his best friend all these years was enough for me to realize that the calmer he sounds, the angrier he actually is inside.

"I'll...I'll go explain to them," I said, drooping my head, fixing my eyes on my lap as if I

had never seen my own thighs before.

Jaejoong lifted my chin up with his thumb and forefinger, and forced me to look straight at him. "I don't care what other people think about me. You are the problem. You've always been like this, saying that I'm gay. Tell me, Tae Yeon, is it really just a joke, or do you actually think so?"

My lips had barely parted for an answer when he pressed his thumb on them, and before I

understood what was going on, leaned in to press his own lips, on mine. What is he doing?

Why is his mouth clasping mine, stroking it back and forth as if fondling my lips? Is he kissing me?

HOLY CRAP HE IS REALLY KISSING ME!

My eyes almost jumped out as they saw his long eyelashes up close. The softness on my lips was sucking air out of my lungs. So this is why those girls never react when hot guys kiss them. I could hardly even breathe, let alone push him away.

Yet deep down somewhere in my paralyzed consciousness there were sparks of realization. I didn't push him away, because he was Kim Jaejoong. It was forceful, but not a punishing, threatening kiss. Against his lips, mine felt cherished and protected.

He loves me. He really does. The notion tugged wildly at my heart. He had been serious, all these years.

"Tell me, Tae Yeon," he said, almost in a whisper, when he finally pulled away from me. "Do you still think I'm not enough of a man for you?"

Lucky for me, I didn't have to answer. As soon as he finished his sentence, I...

...passed out.

...

The next day, I ran off to my room whenever I saw Jaejoong coming. He thumped on the door, trying to talk me out of hiding, to no avail. I was astonished to see him give up easily this time, for he didn't come back the ensuing days. Junsu, Jaejoong, the mere thought of their names drove me nuts. I even attempted suicide to stop thinking about them. Too bad, no one had ever died by banging their head against a pillow before. The sea didn't help, either. As usual, summer swamped the shore with tourists. Being the

kind-hearted girl that I was, I deemed it wrong to drown myself in front of other people and create unnecessary trauma for them, and at night it was too dark I feared no one could see my floating body soon enough to rescue me.

In short, I was having an early life crisis.

It didn't help that Ri In called several times, asking how I had been, and if her mom or oppa had done anything to upset me. From her I learned that Jae had returned to Seoul and continued the wedding planning business. It was intensely awkward answering her calls - I would never have picked up, had I recognized her number. It strangely resembled the number of the pizza place I usually order at, so I pressed the reply button

more than eagerly. I made the mistake every single time - there must be something wrong with my eyes, or head.

I wasted the days wandering on the beach, with a single thought in mind: should I forget Kim Junsu? Whatever reason he had, he was determined to deny his promise. Was there any reason left for me to remain on this one-man race?

As I traced back my own footsteps on the sand, I noticed a line of...food aligned along my trail. A box of blueberries, then a box of cherries, then bologna sandwich, coffee cheesecake...my favorite foods kept showing up as I picked each one of them up, gagging in awe. God had been very mean to me lately, is this the way he uses to say sorry?

Maybe I should follow Sister Lee and Sister Moon and become a nun and be close to food, I mean, God.

When there was no more item to pick up, I looked up to see a silhouette against the setting sun. I blinked to adjust my eyes to the light. Wow, God really knows how to shine...

...especially when he was Kim Jae Joong.

My arms were holding so much food I didn't want to run and drop them all. So I had to stay and stare at him blankly.

"Although I'm glad you didn't run away this time, somehow it feels a little sad to be in love with a girl who would choose food over her best friend." Jaejoong remarked with a sigh. He smiled at me as if nothing had happened, and gestured for me to sit down with him. I stood motionless.

"Come on, I'm not gonna eat or kiss you this time, I promise. Sit," he coaxed.

I squatted down to spread the foods, which were all in boxes, on the sand. Bouncing the box of cherries in my hand, I glowered at him.

"Do that again and the Kim family will end at your generation, understand?"

He clucked his tongue. "Why are you so angry? Are you jealous because I don't give up on my love easily, but you do?"

"Yah!"

"I thought you loved him enough to resist the sexy me for all these years," Jaejoong shook his head. "I'm gonna maintain my stance. Remember my condition? We should carry it out. If you fail to get him back, I'll make you my girlfriend."

I stepped back in shock. The drama of the past few days drew me into such a chain of headaches that I completely forgot the crap that was his "condition". I threw the box of cherries at his head, which caused him to bend down, wincing.

"I never accepted it! Who is your girlfriend? I was just...resting before the second match."

Rubbing what must have become a lump on his head, Jaejoong seemed relieved rather than disappointed.

"So you're coming back to Seoul with me today?" "Hell yeah!"

"Good," Jaejoong grinned, opened the cherry box, and tossed one into his mouth. "I like to have rivals. But answer me, is he really that more attractive than me?"

Also chewing a cherry, I was almost choked on the nut by his question. "Yah!" I slapped his shoulder. "I didn't choose him because of looks!"

"Good," Jaejoong nodded satisfactorily. "If he wins your heart because of his looks, I'd be so pissed. Because, you know, I have," he paused for dramatic effect, and stressed the last words, "a beauuuuuuutiful face."

...and Kim Jaejoong went home with two more beautiful lumps on his beautiful forehead.

...

The kids weren't sad at all when I left. I didn't blame them - I had eaten their food for too long. It was three weeks from the wedding date, we were getting busier with sending the invitations, checking the venue and the food, and all that jazz. I was glad none of the work involved talking to the groom, because I was not ready yet to be cool in front of him.

A few days after returning from Busan, I came to Dark Lord to talk to Yoosuk, or You- Know-Who, about the whole Changmin ordeal. If he yielded the information to Changmin for no decent reason at all, I swore I would beat him until he became You- Don't-Even-Know-Who.

"Hey!" I greeted him as he was struggling with a violin on the stage of the club. The sight

was horrendous: it was as if he tried to saw the strings off with the bow, rather than to make notes heard. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh, hi, Tae Yeon!" He waved cheerfully and stepped off the stage. "We're having a gala concert for the underground bands of Seoul tonight. I'm playing with Changmin's band."

"What?" I chuckled. "What does rock have to do with violin?"

Yoosuk wiggled his finger at me vainly. "Hey, be a little up-to-date, will you? Kanye West could rap with classical music, why can't we rock with some violin notes? The shrieking, scratchy sound of a violin played incorrectly fits perfectly with screaming rock music. Just you wait."

"Fine, fine," I raised my hands, surrendering. "Do as you wish. I came to talk to you about something else. Look, You-Know-Who..."

"Oh, I changed my name already. It's You-Know now."

"Huh? UNO?" I mimicked the pronunciation. "Why are you copying the United Nations

Organizations?"

"Uh uh," he laughed. "You as in You and I, written as U," he swung his finger in the shape of the letter, "U-Know."

"Why? Do you have an identity crisis? Suddenly realized you're somebody else?" "Nah," Yoosuk shook his head disapprovingly. "The idea is, when you want to mock

someone you hate, you can introduce me to them. You can be like, "Hey, this is my friend, U-Know," and they'd be like, "No, I don't, who is he?", and you'd continue, "My friend, U-Know Yoosuk, or Yoosuk U-Know." Isn't that cool?"

Maybe I shouldn't beat him up. His brain is in such a bad condition as it is. "Who..." I tried to keep a straight face,"...who fed you that idea?"

"Changmin!" You-Really-Suck-But-You-Don't-Know revealed with a content smile. "He gave me that idea in exchange for your and Jaejoong's personal information."

...

"Why do I have to play for you?" I yelled, pointing the bow at Changmin, who was wearing his usual tattered rocker clothes and a million earings, nose rings, whatever- rings.

"Shut up," Changmin growled while plugging the cords for his guitar. "You knocked him unconscious, you play in his place."

"I didn't!" I cried in protest, glaring at Yoosuk who was sulking in a corner. "I only punched him in the stomach, it was him who lost balance and hit his head on the table! And there wasn't even a scratch! He's conscious now, make him play!"

The drummer of the band, a chubby guy with a large beard, chimed in. "We did. After all, we needed someone who can't play, like him - not someone who can, like you. But he

said you gave him emotional distress because you didn't appreciate his name change, so..."

I wailed in helplessness. Changmin was using my secret to blackmail me again, so there was no way I could escape. Grudgingly I tuned the violin and practiced with them. Besides Changmin and the drummer, there were a bassist and a keyboardist, both roughly our age, and a lot more friendly than their main singer.

In my entire violin career, theirs was the weirdest piece I ever touched. The notes jumped in no comprehensible order at all, and the melody was very atonal. Classical music is supposed to make you relax and nurture your brain. Rock music is believed to excite you and make you more aggressive. Combined, they can guarantee you a bed in the asylum.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Changmin interrupted crossly. "Kim Tae Yeon, don't fucking change the chords!"

His roar made me jump, out of surprise rather than startle. I did secretly change the song here and there to make it somewhat more pleasant to the ears, but it was very perceptive of him to notice. I snorted in defeat, and resumed playing the correct chords.

A few minutes later, when I was actually getting into the song, feeling the drum beat and rocking back and forth to the sound of Changmin's guitar, he raised his arm again. Gosh, this guy is a real diva.

"Stop!"

"What now? I'm playing the right one!" I groaned.

"Not you," he frowned furiously at the audience seats. "but YOU. What the fuck are you doing here?"

Yeah, what the heck was Kim Jaejoong doing here? My eyes bulged out when I realized Jaejoong was sitting leisurely in one of the empty audience seats, crossing his legs in an elegant manner.

"I came to watch my baby's practice, and as far as I know, the owner of this place welcomes me here. And you don't look like the owner to me."

I slapped my forehead in despair, while Changmin wrung his guitar in fury. U-Know had

recovered from his tantrum and joined Jaejoong in an animated chat, which I bet was about his name change. We kept on practice until the evening, when the guests began flocking in. Jaejoong and U-know were busy talking to the guests, while the other band members either went off to greet their friends from other bands or get dressed. I hung out in the dressing room with a growling stomach, watching various people bustling in and out. The underground rock world was pretty interesting. There was a guy who was wearing what looked like a big black plastic bag around his waist. He might be promoting an environmental cause by reminding people to throw trash in the trash bin, which is usually covered with black plastic bags. Some didn't even have a piece of clothes on their upper body. I guess it must be hard to earn a living as a musician.

"Here," Changmin came in from nowhere and shoved a sandwich into my mouth. His push almost made me fall backwards. I suspected it was his scheme to suffocate me in the disguise of the noble act of feeding me, but I was hungry so I didn't complain. He

glanced at me up and down and pouted in contempt. "Your performing clothes?"

I nodded. "I didn't know I was gonna perform a circus act, how could I prepare?" Without a word, he grabbed a pair of scissors on the make-up table, knelt down and...

"WHY ARE YOU CUTTING MY MINI-SKIRT?" I screamed in horror and jumped back. He was cutting the hem of my skirt into fringes so that I'd look like a hobo.

Changmin frowned impatiently. "You can't perform in those rags." Rags? "People will laugh at you, which I don't care, but you're in the band, so it means they'll laugh at us."

I eyed him suspiciously. "Really? They'll laugh at me? Even though I'm the only one who wears human clothes in this club?"

Changmin nodded firmly, and pulled up the curtain for me to peek at the audience. Dear God, we were all teenagers, why did they have to torture themselves by dressing like zombies and aliens like that? I suppressed a sigh and let him destroy my skirt, rip apart the sleeves of my blouse, and tangle my hair into a bird nest. As he daubed a mixture of red and black powder on my face for special effects, Changmin suddenly asked with a lowered voice.

"Still not giving up? Didn't you become sensible last week? Got hit in the head and turned stupid again?"

It took me a few seconds to realize he was talking about me and Junsu. I grinned and gave him a V sign. He squinted his eyes, pushed the scraps of fabric into my face while mumbling "weirdo."

I think he was talking about himself.

While waiting for our turn,. I stood near the right wing to watch the concert. The first few performances were pretty low-key, there wasn't much response from the audience. I was about to leave for the dressing room when Yoosuk announced the appearance of an all- female rock band called "The Cool, The Cooler, and The Coolest". There were three "cool" members: the drummer had long hair that touched the ground, the bassist looked

as if she were on drugs with eyes half closed and mouth half open. The main guitarist- cum-singer was the most mysterious, with a wide-brimmed hat that hid away her face. All we could see was her hair that was plaited into a million tiny braids, dangling around her shoulders. She was tightly wrapped in a black shiny leather shirt seamless with the pants. The clothes discreetly covered every bit of her skin, at the same time exposed her every graceful curve. The black and white guitar across her waist added to the sharp, wake-of- the-dead look. Everybody held their breath in anticipation.

The singer clasped the standing microphone in her left hand, and spoke in a husky voice that sent goose bumps all over my body.

"Good evening. Here comes "God knows.""

And on cue with the drum, she started drumming her fingers rapidly and skillfully on the strings. The song began quite calmly at first, the beat strong and steady. Everybody was bobbing their heads up and down along. I too couldn't help tapping my feet in sync with the clear, yet powerful voice of the singer. Her high notes flew gracefully as if with wings, while still maintaining the rough, grungy quality typical of rock vocal.

I run past others with a parched heart. Sorry, I can't do anything.

You won't even let me

Share our pain together.

To live on without tarnish,

I face your back and head out without looking back on the lonely rail

As the song came to a crescendo, the drummer grinned widely when she banged harder on her drums, while the bassist looked a bit more awake. The guitarist jumped excitedly and danced her fingers up and down along the strings in complicated chords that made the audience burst into applause. I felt my heart throbbing like mad in my chest, not because of the deafening sound waves from the stereo system, but the poignant lyrics. Either I was under the emo effect, or she was really singing the story of my life.

Stop it, it's not like you to lie.

Look at my eyes and let's talk about our future. I am prepared,

Even if the future is bleak,

I might be able to change destiny if I become stronger.

But for my wish to come true, Everything is God knows...

The crowd was cheering wildly for her as she sang an octave higher for the last chorus. She ended the song with a powerful flick of the hand on the strings, in time with the final hit from the drummer. Half of the audience were already giving them a standing ovation. They bowed and hurriedly ran backstage. The crowd was still cheering, but the band didn't reappear. I dashed for the dressing room to find the singer.

"Hi," I called out when I saw her gathering her stuff, in a rush to take off. "I just wanted to tell you that your song was awesome!"

She was stooping to pick up her bag, with her back to me and at the sound of my voice froze in that position. I tiptoed to her front, and bent down to give her my hand.

"I also play tonight. Nice to meet..."

From the lower angle, I could see her face very clearly. And I couldn't finish my sentence, since I was busy gaping an gagging.

"...Ri In?"

[Making-of Interview]

Interviewer (IR): Some Korean places were mentioned in your story, and you seem to know them well. Are you of Korea descent?

Author (AT): Oh no, I'm 100% Vietnamese.

IR: Oh, Vietnam! I love the country! I became more curious after Angelina Jolie adopted that Vietnamese kid!

AT: See, that's why I absolutely worship her. Angelina did a great deed! After the publicity of her adoption, people stopped asking me if Vietnam was still at war. I can't say enough to thank her. Can I send a video message to her? Hey, Angie, I...

IR: Thank you for your wonderful answer, author! We should end it here - I believe that's your therapist calling about your medication?

[Blank screen] Enjoy.

09.

Let's do a quick recap of my life.

I was born, normally. I grew up, normally...almost - well, I did have an accident, and fall down the stairs now and then, but from what you've seen of me so far, I'm not a lunatic, right?

Then why am I having delusion? Why does this girl look so much like Ri In that she is in fact Ri In? Wait, I'm not making sense. SHE is not making sense either, with that Ri In face. Nothing is really making sense, especially when I'm talking in this nonsense manner.

"...Ri In?" Just to confirm that this is non-sense.

The rocker chick pulled down her unnecessarily wide hat to cover her face. "You've got the wrong person. I'm not..."

"Ri In! What's taking you so long? Come, we have to get out of here."

The drummer girl, whose incredibly long hair was actually a wig, rushed in, urgently pulling Ri In - yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her, unless she has a twin that her mom never gave birth to. Before I could get over my shock (and the happiness that I'm actually not insane) to stop her, Changmin had entered the room. They froze the moment they saw each other.

"Ri...Ri In?"

"Op...oppa?" She removed her hat to reveal her sweating forehead and horrified eyes. "You...too?"

That's what we call "genetic", girlfriend.

"Ri In? What are you doing here? Cosplaying as a rocker?" The bassist of our band came in, craning his neck behind Changmin's back.

"Ri In? What are you doing here? Cosplaying as a hooker?" The keyboardist stood behind the bassist, rubbing his chin.

"Ri In? What are you doing here? Cosplaying as Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider?" The drummer poked his head out from the keyboardist's back.

"HyukJae oppa? SungMin oppa? ShinDong oppa?" Ri In gasped as she pointed to each of the band members.

"Let's go, Ri In. We don't have time for this!" Her friend urged and started pulling her again, but couldn't. Changmin was holding her other hand with a stony expression. Ri In nodded miserably at the drummer girl.

"SooYoung, you and Jessica go on ahead. I need to talk to my...brother."

Once SooYoung had disappointedly left, Changmin dragged Ri In away. We secretly

followed, on tiptoe.

"Oppa...I'm sorry..." Ri In peered nervously at Changmin's face when they finally stopped at the back door. He was standing with his arms akimbo, his back facing her and us. As we were hiding behind the corner of the walls, Hyuk Jae whispered that Changmin might kill Ri In and then commit suicide, while Shin Dong thought he was preparing for an emo speech soaked with tears.

"Oppa?" At the timid touch of her hand on his shoulder, he turned. We held our breath. He was...

He was... He was...

...smiling?

S-M-I-L-I-N-G, as in, bending up his lips and showing his perfectly even teeth...

...and his uneven smiling eyes?

"Oppa," I nudged Sungmin. "Slap me. Something's wrong with my eyes." "Sshh," Sungmin hushed, "Watch the drama!"

"Study group, aye?" Changmin said in a teasing voice.

"I lied," Ri In sighed, "please don't tell mom, oppa. She'll kill me."

Changmin let out a small snicker and knocked Ri In's head playfully, as if he totally understood what she meant.

"That fight with mom was for this?"

Ri In nodded. "It's Juilliard, after all. I won't have time to even breathe, let alone playing the guitar..."

"She used to learn guitar with Changmin, then her mom stopped her so that she can focus on violin only. She wants Ri In to become a violinist famous all over the world..." Hyuk Jae explained to me in a low voice.

"Lucky for you, huh? That dumb ass proposed to you at the right time." Changmin said, disguising the words with a casual smile. He failed. We could all taste the bitterness from his tongue.

Ri In said nothing and began to twiddle her braids, rocking back and forth on her feet. Changmin frowned - he had noticed her anxiety.

"...and you accepted it at the right time," he continued coldly.

"We were all surprised when she said she was getting married," Hyuk Jae whispered in my ears again. "She always said she wanted to finish college before marrying."

"Stop giving subtitles, HyukJae!" Sungmin squinted at HyukJae. "Just watch!" "Oppa..." Ri In trailed off, backing away until her back hit the wall. Changmin was

closing their distance.

"You agreed to marry him for MUSIC?" He threw an angry punch at the wall, inches away from her left ear.

"There's no other way to convince mom to let me stay in Korea! And I know it's only a matter of time before we finally tie the knot..."

"What do you know? You're freaking eighteen!" Changmin fumed, his eyes wanting to explode from the fire in his throat.

Ri In calmly stared back at Changmin and said in a solemn voice: "I believe in our future, oppa. I know he will always love me."

Changmin gazed at her for a deadly long while, his big eyes welling with emotions that never made it to his lips. When he knew he was losing the staring game, he pulled away from her, dropping the final words as he knocked his rocker boots crossly on the polished floor.

"You don't fucking know anything."

...

As soon as Changmin was out of sight, HyukJae, ShinDong and SungMin swamped Ri In with questions and laughter. It turned out that they all used to mess around with their instruments in the garage at HyukJae's house.

"You look so different on stage," I remarked curiously.

"Because rock is the only thing I'm confident about," she smiled faintly.

I couldn't ask further, because U-Know's sonorous voice blasted at our earlobes.

"That's an awesome performance, SG Wannabe, aka Spice Girls Wannabe! Now, give it up for "The Sh1t"!"

Today was definitely a bad day for me. First my eyes went wrong (because I could find no other explanation for Changmin's smile; if dinosaur comes up to shake your hand would you think you're crazy?), now my ears had gone haywire. The Shit? What kind of name is "The Sh1t"? Do they really think that they're the shit? I believe in humankind - no one can be that conceited. They must have considered themselves "the real shit", a.k.a poop, then.

Poor guys.

"Let's go and rock it!" ShinDong shook his hips excitedly and raised his hand at me for a high-five.

"Huh?" I blurted, my shoulders still trembling from suppressed laughter.

"It's our turn! Let's go and SH1T IT!" And the three of them ran to the stage, clapping their hands on their mouths as if they were some Indian tribal chiefs.

Tell me again what I got myself into? Something like...deep sh1t?

If only I were deaf.

Ri In gave me a good-luck hug, which didn't seem to have any effect at all. I could hear the crowd's thundering cheer, and see their successful attempt at replicating the Middle Ages dressing style. Regret was rippling through my body. I moved with shaking legs to my position on the stage, feeling my face cold without any blood left. As my trembling hands struggled with the pegs, Changmin caught my stealthy glance at the door (wise men say only wise men run away). "The Boy Who Screams" jerked his chin up.

"Hey, chicken."

"Yes, Harry Potty?" I snapped, regaining control of my heartbeat. Anger does wonder! "That messy chord you made up..." he bit his lips, "play it if you want. It was...it

was..."

He stuttered, his face contorted as if choking on a rotten piece of meat. "It was nifty?" I winked with a grin.

He suddenly turned bright red, nodded with haste and turned immediately away to hide a disgusted look, probably at himself. Jesus, did he just vomit his compliment on me?

Still, his words did help me gain some confidence.

Truth be told, the performance was...pretty cool. Changmin followed my high-pitched opening violin riff with some slow sobbing vibrato of his guitar, which sounded like a requiem for the death, until it accelerated and was joined by the low, thumping bass and then the energetic beat of the drums. Soon my violin and SungMin's keyboard retreated to the background and lay down the melody of the song, so that Changmin's guitar and scream - I mean, singing voice could take off and soar glorious. After the first chorus, Changmin stepped forward, and stomped his right foot in sync with the rhythm of his solo guitar overdrive. When it was time for my part, he ran to my side with a huge grin, and arched his body along with the melody. His excitement was contagious, and before I

realized it I was writhing as if in pain, hair falling over my face. I poured all the tears that I hadn't cried on the fingers running rapidly on the strings, ignoring the pain searing my flesh. I could tell Changmin was feeling the same - though God only knows why. His eyes strayed often to where Ri In was standing in the maddening crowd, and when he sang the bridge - the quiet part, nothing was played except SungMin's keyboard, he was fixing his gaze on her.

I have an I, a Love, and a You

Pieces that don't fit

Rotten in my chest, decayed on lips

Bury them is all I can do

As soon as we finished the last note, I collapsed on my knees, my vision blurred with the beads of sweat rolling from my forehead. The only things I could sense were the thunderous applause from the crowd and the throbbing sound of my heart. It was...

...thrilling.

...

"You love her." I slurred, dropping myself with a thud on the ground. "But that's incest, you know?"

"Insect? I hate insects." He babbled, falling beside me. The tall handsome Shim Changmin, in his tattered rocker clothes, was trying in vain to stand out from the huge bags of trash around him.

The performance was so successful that we were dragged to a street food stand by some fans to drown ourselves in bottles and bottles of soju. When Jaejoong thought that I had drunk enough and wanted to take me home, Changmin's band-mates and fans linked arms with him and pulled him away- let's hope that they wouldn't rape him - leaving only Changmin and me in our drunken state. Ooohhh...only two of us. I smirked to myself. What could possible happen? a/ we get into a drunk fight and beat each other to death; b/ we get into a drunk fight and I beat him to death, c/ we get into a drunk fight and he beats me to death. Choice b seemed most implausible, but considering that he almost made out with a tree, I had high hopes that I'd be alright.

We were at a construction site, where parts of a new building rose against a mossed, half-

crumbling wall. How did we end up here? No idea. It had something to do with peeing... except we didn't remember which of us wanted to pee. So we staggered ahead, until we hit a sign that looked something like:

PLEASE DO ENTER

So we did! The sign was pleading, how could we refuse?

"Ri In!" I yelled into his ears. "Jang Ri In, you fool! Incest, you hear me? Incest!" His eyes flew open. He shook his head fast as if to chase away the effect of alcohol. "Incest my ass!" He yelled back into my face. "I was fucking adopted, idiot!" "What's wrong with your mom? Angelina Jolie Syndrome?"

"I'd like to know that, too." He scoffed. "Why did she adopt that dumb ass? I'm not good enough for a son?"

"Aw, don't blame yourself." I clucked, patting his head. "You might be rude, mean, aggressive, and unpleasant, but it's not why she took Junsu oppa in. He is simply too awesome and irresistible."

Suddenly Changmin cupped his hands around my face, palms on my cheeks. Holy crap, was he going to kiss me? I totally forgot to include "we get into a drunk fight and he rapes me" as one possible outcome. Should I wait and bite his lips, whack his head, and kick his balls before running? Should I...

Oh no. No.

"STOP SHAKING MY HEAD! IT'S NOT A SNOW GLOBE!" I shrieked. Drunk or not, this guy is nuts!

He let go my head and stood up, leaning on the wall for support. "Looks like you do have a brain. Use it. Give up before you fail."

"All I ask is a fair chance," I cried. "If he remembers me, but is in love with Ri In, I will back off."

"Do you really think that once he gets his memory back, he will return to your side?" "You're hoping the same thing, right?" I asked, avoiding Changmin's eyes. "That's why

you let me be."

He threw back his head in a bitter, mocking laugh. "Nah. Can't you see the point? If it were easy to break them apart, I could have succeeded a long time ago."

...

We found some graffiti cans rolling at the feet of the wall, and spent the rest of night arguing over them. It took our minds off things. At one point or another, I would trip and hit my head against his...chest. Ugh, why was his cleavage so low? Wanna show off breasts?

But...it was either the soju, or his chest - firm, carved with curves, that made my cheeks grow hotter by the minute. It must be the wine. We can always blame the wine, oh holy wine...drink and you can get pregnant or impregnate somebody any time...

That is not to say I was getting pregnant. I'd rather die than have a child with someone who can't spell English properly.

"What does that even mean? "Apple Loves Black Coffin"?"

"Hey," he threw the spraying can down. "That's what you wanted!" "I said "April Loves Black Coffee.""

"Your pronunciation is like sh1t!"

"Oh, should I learn from you then, Mr. Potty?"

He grimaced. Yahoo! I did a little dance in my head. His sour spot hadn't changed. "Whatever." Changmin snapped, and plopped down again on the ground, all hazy and

tired.

"Get up." I pinched his sleeve. "We gotta go home."

"I need to rest. Go yourself." He shooed me away, his head already drooping to the side. "If you get killed, I will be the last one seen with you. Get you lazy ass up and save me

some trouble, please."

"Sit." He pointed at the space next to him. I shook my head firmly. He growled in curses, and reached for my hand.

As a matter of course, he pulled me down. We didn't expect him to eat or lick my hand, right?

"Five minutes, and we'll go."

His drawling, gentle voice was such a far cry from the usual Changmin that I had to cave in. I even let him borrow my shoulder, after spending every ounce of sanity left to fight back the urge to split his head in two. His slightly curly hair tickled my chin, and I could feel the warmth of his cheek through the fabric of my shirt. It wasn't like those times when I let people on the bus lean on me when they slept. For one thing, none of those strangers was a sizzling hot guy. For another, the squirmy feeling I get every time someone leans on me was gone. It was disturbing how the weight of his head on my shoulder felt so...

...comfortable.

"Kim Tae Yeon..." He suddenly lifted his head and breathed into my ears. I shuddered. "What?"

"I want...I want..." His face was only inches from mine, so close I could feel the air vibrating on his lips. I held my breath, and began edging away.

"...to barf."

And he did. All over my body.

A very romantic way to throw up, don't you think?

...

The door swung open after my third press on the bell. I exhaled in relief - the last breath remained after helping Changmin from the taxi to the gate. It was very early in the morning when I managed to get us both back to Changmin's house. He was so much

taller and heavier - his arms probably weighed more than me - that I nearly stumbled and fell on the side a couple of times. How did he get so buff when he doesn't even eat half as much as I do? Talk about gender inequity!

"Excuse me, I---"

The words crumbled in my head when I saw Junsu standing dumbfounded at the door. His eyes locked with mine for the longest time, as though he had not seen me in a thousand years. It was as if there were nothing around us, on my shoulder, behind his back. We were in a world of our own, swirling in muted heartbeats and stifled cries.

"H...home?" Changmin's groan brought us back to reality. Without a word, Junsu took Changmin's body from me and motioned me to come in. While Junsu helped Changmin upstairs, I went to the bathroom to wash off as much as I could Changmin's mess from my shirt. The smell stunk to the 9th level of Hell - what the hell did he eat? Or did he eat

Hell itself?

"Sir, should I prepare breakfast for the lady guest as well?" I heard the family maid asking Junsu as I walked quietly towards the kitchen.

"Sure." Junsu replied. "We don't have strawberry milk, do we?" "No sir. Do you want me to go get it?"

"Please do. Get some strawberry cream cheese, too." "So you're not having your usual breakfast today, sir?"

"Oh, no," Junsu laughed lightly. "That's for Tae Yeon. I'll have my usual, thank you, Yuri."

"My pleasure, sir."

I almost jumped when the maid walked out of the kitchen and saw me sneaking in a corner of the corridor. She beamed a charming smile, bowed at me and left. I felt my stomach lurch as I made slow, careful steps into the kitchen.

Junsu had just told the maid to prepare my favorite type of breakfast. Junsu, the man with no memory of me.

[excerpt from a post in the "Recommended Drama" thread, www.dramareview.com] "... "Wedding Wrecker" is a great drama! It helped me become a better student! After watching a couple of episodes, I hated it so much that I stopped watching all kdrama and concentrate more on my study. If you want to enjoy a better life, watch "Wedding Wrecker"! It will make you cry, make you laugh, and make you hate kdrama forever!"

"Wedding Wrecker" Review Reviewer: insertusernamehere Author: insertusernamehere

Enjoy.

10.

Brainwave...checking... No signal...

Ok, I do not have supernatural brainwave. Junsu doesn't seem to have psychic powers either. He couldn't have asked Jaejoong, because Jaejoong wouldn't know. Strawberry

milk and strawberry cream cheese was my favorite type of breakfast, but I hadn't eaten it since I came back from the U.S. Worried about my health, sister Lee told me that if I kept having them for breakfast every single day, I would turn as pink as strawberry. Her words left such an indelible scar on my young soul that I dare not touch strawberry milk and strawberry cream cheese ever since, even after I realized she lied to me.

Then the only way he knew was...his memory. Or, better yet, he just happened to know, which only goes to prove that we are fated.

I put a hand on my chest lest my heart would jump out and roll on the floor. How should I face him now? If I walked in, his handsomeness and my awkwardness would collide and strangle me to death. Can't let that happen. Fixing my torn skirt, I began practicing my entrance.

"Hi, Kim Junsu-sshi." Ugh, too formal, too generic. "Hey, sexy." Gosh, I'm not Jaejoong.

"Oh, you're making breakfast? That's hot." Um, too Paris Hilton.

"Oh, Junsu, what a lovely kitchen you have there!" Great. Might as well compliment his body.

"Junsu, hi, actually..."

" "Good morning, Junsu" would do." A voice cut across my practice. Humph, annoying nosy people.

"No, that's lame." I mumbled, almost to myself. "Quiet, I'm practicing." "Let me know when you're done. I'd like you to stay for breakfast." "Sure." Wait. "Who..."

Oh, beloved God. Thank you oh so very much. Thanks to your consideration, I wouldn't have to spend more time to practice my greetings and some more energy to walk into the kitchen. Junsu was standing right next to me, smiling, probably extremely amused.

"H...hi..." was the result of all the straining practice. I could feel myself blushing again as Junsu turned sideways to hide his chuckle - I'd been blushing too much lately I could become Native American without much effort.

"Would you like something to drink?" Junsu asked after I had found a seat in the kitchen. "Strawberry milk, please?" I said deliberately. Junsu looked startled, and turned away so

fast he bonked his head against the high cabinet. He offered me something else to drink,

after which we sank into deadly silence. I twiddled my thumbs, gazing affectionately at the ceiling as if money were about to fall down from the sky, while Junsu massaged his head, so much that I was worried his hair would be rubbed off his scalp. It was one of those awkward moments that don't seem so awkward on TV because some sappy music would drag itself on the background. We both knew perfectly what to say, and neither wanted to open our mouth first. The awkwardness stretched and bounced around the room until it became a tickling cough leaping out of my throat.

"So...err...you and Changmin...um..." Junsu tapped on the kitchen cupboard, trying to form a coherent sentence.

"We...we went to a concert." I quickly lied, realizing for the first time since I brought Changmin back that, a/ my clothes were still terribly torn, b/ Changmin's clothes were worse, and c/ we didn't go home for the whole night. Conclusion from logical thinking: Kim Tae Yeon and Shim Changmin spent the night together doing...you know, stuff.

Ugh. Repulsive, utterly repulsive. "How was it?" Junsu asked.

"A lot of fun!" I clapped my hands, feeling the excitement from the performance running through my blood. "The music was awesome!"

"Did it...err...go on for the whole night?" Junsu frowned a little. Before I could lie my way out, Changmin trudged in, wearing the same rocker clothes, eyes half closed, hair all ruffled, face dirty from all the drinking we did last night. I blinked at him admiringly - he was the living proof that "hobosexual" was not a myth.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped at me.

"Hey, I brought you back!" I fumed. "Where's my taxi and clothes money, huh? You tore my skirt, remember?"

From the corner of my eyes, I could see Junsu drop something on the floor.

"Whatever. Anyway..." Changmin grumbled, "you were pretty good last night. We should do it again."

Fabulous. I'm officially a hooker now, thanks, Mr. Shim.

"Actually, we..." I frantically tried to explain. Junsu's face had changed into an ashen shade, his lips barely moved when he asked:

"You guys did...what?"

Changmin raised an amused eyebrow and shrugged. "You know, stuff," and gave me an

evil wink as he walked out, carrying his bowl of kimchi and milk. "Gonna take a nap. Tae

Yeon got me exhausted last night." Shit. Shit. Shit.

I wish I could give Shim Changmin the Nobel Prize in the science of Being A Total Jerk. Junsu was turning from grey to red now, which oddly made me quite happy inside. Was he being jealous? I couldn't disclose Changmin's secret anyway, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. Yuri came back and saved the day by saving us the need to talk. She told us stories about her family, her cat, her dog, the bird that her cat chased after, and the lady at the grocery store she went to ten years ago. She was really sweet, just like the strawberry milk and strawberry cream cheese I was enjoying. At first I was wary and only nipped at the spoon, until I saw Junsu's unsuccessful attempt at swallowing his food without choking from laughter and resolved to eat properly. It was such a delight to taste the distinct flavor after so many years - nothing changed. Strawberry milk was still

strawberry milk, and strawberry cream cheese was still strawberry cream cheese, rich and yummy and sweet.

"Can I ask you something?" I looked up from my plate, gazing at Junsu in earnest. "Go ahead." He nodded, blushing a little.

"Promise you'll answer truthfully?" "Of...of course."

"Am I turning pink?"

...

When I returned home, Jaejoong was all grumpy and sulky, two black circles around his eyes standing out from his creamy skin. I didn't ask if he had stayed up all night to wait for me and simply made him a big breakfast as a silent apology. The next day, we met up with Ri In and co. at the bridal shop to try on the wedding costumes. When the shop assistant brought out Ri In's wedding gown, we understood why it took nearly eight months to be completed. The strapless V-neck upper bodice hugged her gentle curves with simple criss-cross pleats. Her thin waistline was accentuated by a soft, light pink

sash, and the A-line dress complimented her petite figure. The gown didn't look overdone at all, yet the cleverly embroidered Swarovski crystal and the intricate chiffon layers must have taken forever to perfect. Ri In, with her natural long hair tumbling down her shoulders, was stunning in a shade of ivory white, elegant like a swan about to show off

its most marvelous dance, yet as docile as a fragile dove diving into the sky. I glanced at Jaejoong and Changmin. Both idiots looked like they had just smoked pot. Junsu gave her a peck on the forehead, whispering words I didn't hear, and probably wouldn't want to hear anyway.

"Ri In, you look beautiful!" Tiffany trilled, her eyes forming two crescent moons as she smiled cheerfully. Hmph, come to think of it, she was really cute..."...I was afraid that I will outshine you in the wedding, but it's fine now!" ...sometimes.

While Jaejoong took Changmin and Junsu to try on their tuxedos, I watched Ri In being surrounded by two tailors fixing small details on her dress. Tiffany did a spin on her high heels so that her short, puffy bridesmaid dress fluffed up like a graceful set of feathers. I was fully entranced at their royal air and sparkling beauty.

"Miss," one of the tailors called out to me, "can you hold this for a moment, please?" She pointed at the back of Ri In's dress, where they were tightening the waist. I pinched the area so that the needles wouldn't touch Ri In's skin, while waiting for them to go fetch something.

"Thank you, Tae Yeon," said Ri In suddenly as I pretended to gaze at Tiffany, who was absorbed in admiring herself in the mirror. I didn't want to stare at Ri In's milky skin as if I were going to lick her...or something.

"Huh?"

"For not telling my mom about...the other day..." She turned sideways to smile shyly at me, since I was standing behind her.

"Oh." I muttered, and stayed silent for a while before venturing a question I'd been dying to ask. "But...isn't it a little...unfair for Junsu?"

"The wedding? I...," she trailed, her head tilted, causing her smooth locks to slide on her bare shoulders. "I didn't want him to worry. I never tell him about my gigs, because I know he'd cover up for me in front of mom and then get into trouble. If I asked for his help to oppose mom, they would have a big fight and...It's really complicated, Tae Yeon- ah."

I rolled my eyes. What in life is not complicated? If everything is simple, there's no use for rice cooker because you can just eat plain uncooked rice.

"Would you regret the marriage? I thought you wanted to get married much later..." I asked, hoping for a certain answer. Common sense told me that what I was doing behind her back - um, no, I wasn't unzipping her gown or anything, I meant it figuratively - was not the most righteous thing you could come up with, but my mind was too occupied with only one single thought that it could barely process anything else. Kim Junsu.

"I won't, ever." Ri In answered firmly. "Junsu and rock music are what I live for."

My body deflated instantly like a balloon sucked of air. The tailors came back to tell us there was some problem with the dress and asked Ri In to stay a little longer so that they could fix it. She looked at her watch worriedly.

"I have to be at a rehearsal now. Tae Yeon, do you have time? Can you stand in for me, pretty please?"

The tailors frowned and glanced me up and down. "She might fit your dress, but..." "I'm sorry," Ri In shrunk her neck into her shoulders, smiling apologetically. "I'm the

concertmaster, the conductor will kill me if I'm late. Tae Yeon," she looked at me with huge, pleading eyes, "please?"

Because I had a heart so big it could fit the entire nation in, I agreed to help.

...

Fine, you got me. Like every girl in this world, I too wanted to know how I'd look like in a wedding dress. The moment I slipped into the gown, the soft fabric caressed my skin as if some magical Godmother (not the mafia Godfather's wife, the...Cinderella one) had flung her wand to transform me into a princess. My mouth fell agape as I saw myself in the mirror. There is a reason humans wear clothes, apart from fearing sunburns and the cold, after all.

"Ri In, how do I..." Junsu barged in, his hands fumbling with the tuxedo's bow. When he finally looked up at the stand and saw me instead of his bride, he almost fastened the bow around his neck and choked himself.

"You...um..." he scratched his nose, unable to finish his sentence. Did he still think I - gosh I couldn't even bear to think of the word - hooked up with Changmin? Did he think I looked ridiculous in this dress? My heart was pounding louder and louder as he simply stared at me, fingering the hem of his vest. It didn't help that the tailors began to work

their needles behind my back. Ugh, what if they made a wrong move and leave tiny holes on my skin?

"Will you stand still, please?" One tailor sighed. "We have to re-do it because you kept fidgeting."

"Sorry." I scratched my head. The tailor who scolded then left to help another customer, while the other ran towards Tiffany because she got her hair stuck in the curtain while doing a Miss Korea pose.

"You need help with the bow?" I asked tentatively. Junsu nodded with a miserable grin. "Thank you," said Junsu with a faint smile as I was trying to tie his bow. Gosh, since

when did bows become so difficult to deal with? But then again, the only bows I ever tied were those of dogs. The family whose children I used to baby-sit had great compassion

for their pets - they thought of the dogs as human and dressed them up like ladies from the 30s.

"You're...you're welcome." I faltered, acutely aware of his breath puffing on the top of my head. We were standing fearfully close, my nose merely inches from his chest. I didn't want to admit to him that I couldn't even work a bow, so I kept trying and trying, when the bow kept turning out ugly and uneven. Strangely, he didn't complain. I stole a glance up at him, and to my horror and pleasure and amusement and a kaleidoscope of a

hundred other emotions, he was closing his eyes serenely, his head tipping slightly on the side as if to smell my hair.

God, did I wash my hair this week? No, really, I'm asking you, did I?

Maybe my eyes exuded electricity or...eye-wave, Junsu suddenly snapped out of his daydreaming and caught me staring. We both turned tomato-red (I'm getting quite sick of this blushing business - there's only so much blood my body can regulate to my face, only so often, you see), and Junsu managed to stammer:

"You look..."

Oh no, so he did think I looked ridiculous in this gown. I mean, come on, Ri In was so much prettier than me. With bangs across my forehead and two childish buns behind my ears, I looked more like a bumpkin pretending to be a princess, a duck struggling to fit into a swan's feathers.

"I know I look funny in this dress, but Ri In had to go and asked me to help..." "Tae Yeon..."

"It's not like I want to wear this dress, really. Well, kind of, but, I mean, I don't usually wear dresses, so it looks really funny on me. Or it's me that looks funny. But you're not laughing, so I guess it's not funny, it's just funny - you know, the other funny, as in, weird..."

"Tae Yeon," Junsu spoke in a demanding tone, determined to interrupt my rant. "You look..."

I was staring at him so intensely with conspicuous anxiety that he got abashed and fell silent again. My hands were still clutching his bow, and I made sure that they stayed there, fighting the urge to reach his face and take his sharp jaw line in my palms. The scent of his shaving cream, the steep bridge of his nose, the roundness of his flustering lips...all were within reach. If I could just lift my hand...

"What are you two doing?"

A voice startled both of us. It was Changmin, who had mysteriously walked into the room

without us noticing. Frightened, I jumped away from Junsu at once, forgetting that I was wearing high heels and a very long wedding dress. I was such a fantastic jumper that...

...I fell. Face-down. On the floor.

...

I don't understand. In Korean dramas, whenever the female lead is about to fall, the male lead will never fail to catch her with a romantic arm wrapping around her waist. Why? Why didn't that happen to me? Am I not Korean?

The fall left me with a red nose and a million years of humiliation haunted by Changmin's sneer. The dress was torn at the edge, sending the tailors into seizures with the thought of dealing with more work. I swear one of them was trying to throw her needles at me, ninja style...

We came back to Ri In's house to put away the clothes and worked on the arrangement for the rehearsal dinner, which would be in their spacious, European style garden. Jaejoong and I were calculating the garden's area so that we can divide it evenly for each table - knowing how OCD Ri In's mom was - when Yuri came in and informed me that Junsu was waiting for me at the swimming pool.

"I'll be right here," Jaejoong said, "...if you need me."

I grinned and gave him an OK sign. He talked as if Junsu were going to silence me by drowning me in the pool or something. It' not possible - the drama I got myself into was too much like a TV drama, and in TV drama the main character doesn't die.

Wait. I forgot....

Only main characters in American movies don't ever die. Korean dramas kill off characters very often.

Hmph.

Junsu was sitting still on one of the beach chairs along the longer edge of the swimming pool, arms leaning on his knees, gazing at the pool. The night was sifting down, reflecting purple shades on the clear blue water. He looked so serious I had to bite my lips to hide my apprehension.

"You want to see me?" I asked, sitting on the chair next to his. "Tae Yeon..." he hesitated. "You're fired."

Um...what?

I shook my head to make sure I wasn't hearing things, that I didn't get Donald Trump's catch phrase into my head, because it was the only part in "The Apprentice" sensible enough to keep me awake.

"What did you just say?"

"I'm sorry," he clenched his jaw, frowning in an reluctant, apologetic expression. "I know it's sudden, but...I can find you another job, if you want."

"That's not the problem!" I jumped up on my feet, panicking. "What did I do wrong? Is it because I damaged the dress? I'll..."

"No, it's just...I don't think you should be our wedding planner, is all." "Why?"

"Tae Yeon...." Junsu also rose to his feet, in his eyes lurking what I thought was pain. Maybe it was a figment of my imagination. If it was pain, why was he doing this?

I scoffed, "Is it because of what I told you at the beach? Afraid I'll nag until you recover your memories?"

"Sort of." said Junsu, calmly. "If you hang around, I might remember you, and I already told you I don't want to. In other words...I don't want to see you."

The moment the last word left his lips, my whole body turned cold, as if frozen into an ice statue. I didn't have any strength left to cry - instead, tears flooded back inside, pouring through every corner of my existence, pricking, stinging, drops of liquid as sharp as a thousand needles poking holes through my skin so that blood would flow and my heart would be saved, or else it would be crushed under this pressure.

"Let's..." I stuttered, "let's talk and see if...there's any way..."

"I have nothing else to say. Goodbye, Tae Yeon," he said, and quickly turned away.

"Do you know how to swim?" I called after him. He stopped walking and looked back, confused.

"I don't." I smiled, and with arms wide open fell backwards into the pool.

Sounds familiar? I was using the same method that girl did in "Lovers in Paris." The girl jumped into the swimming pool after lying to the guy that she didn't know how to swim, so that the guy was forced to jump after her.

But hey, I'm not that lame. Angst is a divine business. If you're gonna be angsty, you have to be seriously and whole-heartedly angtsy. Angst to the t.

When I said I don't know how to swim, I didn't lie. I didn't.

[a comment recently seen posted in youtube.com, veoh.com, imeem.com, etc.] PLEASE DON'T READ THIS. THIS IS NOT A JOKE, THIS IS SO DAMN REAL! IF YOU DON'T SEND THIS TO 1001 OTHER PEOPLE YOUR MOM WILL HIT YOU IN THE HEAD IN THE NEXT SECOND.

[your mom comes in and hits you in the head]

...

See? Told you. Hurt much?

Oh, the THIS thing. THIS: READING WEDDING WRECKER CAN CURE CANCER!

SEND IT TO 1001 PEOPLE OR YOUR MOM...ok, you got the point.

[this is to be taken very seriously]

Enjoy.

11.

After I jumped into the pool, I suddenly found the Kingdom of the Sea, got married to

Prince of the Sea and turned into a fish. Right.

Jesus. Please tell me I didn't just jump into the pool? Grant me the magical power to float? Like, float, right now, not three days later because my body has absorbed enough water?

The moment water touched my hair, for the 1000000001st time in my life, I realized I was mentally challenged. Sure, people die for love, but what is the use of love when all you can do is drool over your beloved from six feet under? For this insanely stupid act, I deserve to die.

I'm gonna die now. Bye, Junsu, I love - and soon to be, "loved" - you. Bye, Jae, I'm gonna turn into a freaking ghost and haunt you for tainting my lips. Bye, orphanage kids, I bet you're happy I'm not there to steal your food anymore. Bye, Sisters, you took care

of me well, sorry that I can only repay that by meeting God and tell Him about your good deeds when I get to heaven. Bye, my room, I...

Wait just a second.

Why have I not died yet? Ooh. I see.

My feet were touching the bottom of the pool. Apparently, I fell into the more shallow part and was tall enough to stand with my head above the water. Hurray! I'm still alive! Sweeping away the water-dripping bangs from my eyes, I could see Junsu standing dumbfounded at the edge of the pool, a look of worry polluted by the most obvious restraint not to laugh contorting his handsome face into somewhat...a less handsome one.

Did I just look so cool a few seconds ago? And now am a complete psycho jumping into the pool because the weather was so hot?

Everybody say with me, one, two, three: SHlT!!!

I changed my mind now. Let me die! Let me die! This is so embarrassing. I totally lost any coolness I possibly had, and made an enormous fool of myself. Slowly I relaxed my knees, and let myself sink into the water again to hide my red-hot-like-chili-pepper face. Maybe I could stay under water until Junsu forgot about me and left, or until water

seeped through my skin into my brain so that I could have amnesia and erase this incident forever...

"Tae Yeon! What are you doing?"

Oh, Jaejoong. Lovely! Just what I needed! One more witness to the Biggest

Embarrassment of My Life!

"I'm...swimming," I grinned, flapping my arms like a bird trapped in water. Well, in a sense, I was swimming in a new style: the Not Moving At All stroke.

"If you knew how to swim, I'd be ugly!" Jae exclaimed. He saw Junsu covering his mouth awkwardly and quickly turned his attention to my beloved. "Kim Junsu-sshi, what happened?"

"She..." he stuttered, "she tripped and fell into the pool."

"That sounds more like it," Jaejoong nodded in satisfaction. Mental note: haunt him when die and become a ghost. "But then, why didn't you help her get out of the pool? I don't assume you to be as gallant as I am, but can't you be a gentleman?" Jaejoong crossed his arms, his face hardening in that I'm-very-angry-but-I'm-too-beautiful-to-frown-because-

I-don't-want-wrinkles expression. It wasn't surprising to see the usually cool Jaejoong get heated up, as he had never been particularly friendly to Junsu.

"I was going to, as you can see..." Junsu flustered.

"Judging by your attitude," Jaejoong didn't yield, "I suppose you know that she lo...um, likes you a lot?"

Junsu frowned slightly. "And that is relevant because...?"

"You also know she's sort of a wacko?" Best thing you could say about the girl you love, aye? Thanks, Jae.

Junsu seemed caught in a dilemma of whether to agree or vehemently lie otherwise. "Please be straight to the point."

"You called her here, and now she's in the pool. You don't expect me to think she randomly fell into the water, do you? If you know all the things I've said, why weren't you a little more careful?"

"Mr.Kim," Junsu emphasized the word, still sounding as polite as he could, "What happened between me and Tae Yeon-sshi has hardly anything - if nothing - to do with you. I don't think you should be so concerned."

"It has everything to do with me," Jaejoong smiled charmingly, "She's my baby." Although I had heard this line a thousand of times, it was shocking to see him say it with

such ease, in front of me and his rival. I worriedly glanced at Junsu, whose eyes were widening in shock.

"I thought...you were...err..." he trailed off.

"Gay," Jaejoong calmly interjected. "Well, let's just say I'm multisexual, rather." Sensing the climbing tension, I cleared my throat. "Guys..."

"Even so, does it grant you the right to interfere with her private matters?"

"I obviously have more right than someone who turns a blind eye to her affection and acts as if he were the only righteous man alive."

"Blah blah blah blah...." "Blah blah blah..."

Right. I didn't even have the strength to listen to them anymore. They completely ignored me and went on with their passionate little "debate." To be honest, it was nice to have two gorgeous men fight over you...especially when you are soaking wet, half submerged in water, trembling every time the wind blows at you. VERY NICE. Didn't Jaejoong come

here to help me? Was he truly multisexual and had fallen in love with Junsu instead? This is mighty proof that men are selfish, useless, heartless, etc. That's it. As soon as I get out of this pool, I'm going to convert to Feminism - yes it is just as great as any religion! - and join the Men-Are-Pigs hating trend.

Drained and heart-broken, I treaded wearily towards the stair on the other side of the

pool, planning to retreat quietly back to my house without anyone's notice. It was enough to call it an GAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

NO I DON'T WANNA DIE I AM HMMM SHMMM BRMMM...

...

As I tried to trace back the reasons why I ended up the way I did, the only idea I could come up with was, when I prayed to God, I might have mixed up the names. Like, I'd say, I love Jesus. I love Jesus. I love Junsu. I love Jesus.

There.

See? The names are too familiar. The main consonants are the same! Then God must have been jealous...

...and shrouded my mind in fog so that I forgot that the pool got deeper along its length, and when I reached the threshold between the one-meter-deep half of the pool and the Tae-Yeon-is-Definitely-Drowning half, I tripped, for real, and started sinking. I paddled like a mad dog but couldn't get myself to the water surface, and I doubted if the two gorgeous men even noticed that I had disappeared. When I thought my tragic life had

ended with style, a mass in the shape of a human dashed in the most graceful crawl stroke under water to me and dragged me onto the ground. "The human" performed a short CPR on me although I didn't even pass out yet, only mildly in a haze. The lips smelled of

peach and tasted like strawberry, soft and sweet. Jaejoong, if you use peach chap stick now, I will seriously have to terminate our long-term friendsh---

Oh. Tiffany.

Tif---tiffany? TIFFANY!!!

Not only her, there was a freaking filming crew hovering over us. It turned out that she was filming the reality segment, where they showed a candid clip of her real life, for the Super Model contest she registered for a few days ago. Since she was waiting for Ri In, they came to capture a moment of "sincere friendship", and when wandering the house, happened to see me drowning.

"Are you alright? Tae Yeon-sshi, I was so worried for you!" she pulled me into a tight hug.

"Th...thanks." I stammered, not really because of overwhelming gratitude. She really needed to let go of me, or else I'd die from choking in her arms...

"Oh dear," PLEASE LET GO OF ME, "if I weren't the best swimmer in our high school team, what would you do?"

When I could finally heave a sigh of relieve after she broke away, Jae rushed to me and squeezed me in his embrace.

"My heart almost stopped when I saw you slip," he breathed into my ears, "Are you alright?"

"Mmmm!!!"

"Tae Yeon?" he looked down at me. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know I was pressing you against my chest! That's why you can't talk!"

I took a deep, long gulp of air when he released me. Gosh, thirty seconds more and I'd have died from suffocation. Is everybody out to choke me or something?

Junsu's eyes didn't leave me for the whole time, but he didn't move. Then I was dragged away, in my wet clothes, to give a testimony about Tiffany's wonderful personality, while she went upstairs to change into a dry, presentable outfit. Jae was quick to unbutton his shirt and throw it over me, causing the cameras to turn away from me to the toned muscles of his skinny upper body. Junsu, in his most gentleman manner, removed the

shirt and wrapped me carefully in large, fluffy towels while asking Yuri to lend me some clothes. That didn't prevent the cold from standing too long in water against the winds, and I collapsed on their couch with a fever of 39 o C. I ended up spending the night at Ri In's house, because Tiffany had ignored Jaejoong's protest and insisted that I should not be moved around and she could take care of me. By that she meant giving orders to Yuri to buy medicine, feed me, and change my clothes, and occasionally popping in to film a scene or two with me.

I woke up in the morning, feeling the headache banging its hammers rhythmically on my skull. I tried to sit up, but the room started spinning, so I had to recline on the bed and close my eyes to regain balance. The door suddenly clicked, and fearing it was Tiffany and her crew again, I slowed down my breathing and kept my eyes shut. However, it seemed there was only one person, who cared enough to make as little noise as possible and sat down ever so gently on the side of my bed. I heard a sigh, then felt a hand warm

on my forehead. The person held it there longer than needed, if the intention was to gauge my temperature. I could tell, from the size and skin texture of the hand, that it was a man.

"You haven't changed at all, have you?" said the man, who, to my horror and joy, turned out to be Junsu. He was speaking in a low, almost whispering voice, letting the vowels roll leisurely down his tongue in an - pray that it wasn't my hallucination - affectionate way. "Still reckless and silly as ever," he added.

OK. What's with men these days, insulting girls as a way to show affection? First Jaejoong, now it's Junsu, too? I can't let this pass. The woman of the new generation, the new century, the new millennium, the new something something...has her pride!

"And you know that because you have forgotten everything about me?"

I sprang open my eyes and sat bolt-upright to question him, only to feel incredibly dizzy and fall back down on the bed. Junsu shook his head, and laid the pillow against the bedpost for me to lean on.

"Are you hungry yet?" he asked gently. "Yuri cooked some porridge..."

"Junsu," I said quietly, looking him in the eyes. "You know my favorite food. You act weird. I may be a little - just a little - silly, but I'm not stupid, you know."

I smiled wearily. Thanks to the medicine that Yuri bought, the fever had died down, for now, and my body was much less sore than last night. Still, when I sat next to him like this, facing him in all his glory - breathtakingly beautiful, frightfully tender, why did my left chest hurt so much, as if an invisible hand had thrust into my flesh, crushing my heart in its ruthless fingers?

Maybe I have breast cancer?

Ugh. Must not think negative thoughts. Especially after surviving near-death situationS. Junsu turned away from me, slightly hunching. The T-shirt strained tightly against his

arched back, revealing the outline of his broad shoulders and his firm back muscles. "To make me speak the truth, you drowned yourself?"

His voice was solemn, causing various embarrassing reflections of the incident to drown me mentally. I gagged, feeling heat that was not from the fever radiating from my body.

"It was...improvisation resulted from...a creative thinking process..." I managed at last. Jaejoong's talent had rubbed on me. Wonder if it's a good thing? Maybe I should really kick him out of the GAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Kim Junsu...

...just took my cheek in his hand.

In.His.Hand.

Can you die from losing your soul? Because I definitely saw my soul leaving my body, drifting upwards to heaven.

He held his hand still, but I could feel the tiny tremor of his fingers. Unknowingly I was titling my head to lean it on his hand, feeling his warm skin against mine, my cheek fitting comfortingly in his palm. Here, now, this moment - how long have I longed for it? It was no longer the soft, tiny childish hand of the boy I used to know, but his touch

roused the same rapturous rippling of blood in my veins, the euphoric cry of knowing that he was within my reach, that I could really hear his breath and sense the mix of sweat and soap of his odor. I wanted to take hold of this hand, and keep it forever on my cheek. At the same time, I wanted to run away - there was an intense pressure from his gaze, accusing, longing, threatening, pleading. Anger was etched in the pucker of his brows, while his eyes were veiling a thousand songs of nostalgia and loss.

"Do you know you could have died?"

"I know you'd save me," I mumbled, and swung my legs over the other side of the bed, away from him. We were sitting with our backs to each other.

"What if I couldn't save you?" he persisted.

"What do you care? You don't remember me anyway, I'd just die," I retorted, unable to bring myself to admit to him that I was stupid.

"Die?" He abruptly stood up and rushed to my side of the bed. I rose to my feet to face Junsu, whose face was reddening and whose voice was rising. "Just like that? Throw your life away? After all it took to save you from that accident?"

"What it took to save me...?" I asked, confused. Although the hospital fees were a

fortune, Junsu wasn't one to be so agitated over money. As if realizing his own slip of the tongue, he froze, the red shade fading from his face.

"Not...nothing," denied Junsu. He took a step backwards and walked away. "What is it, Junsu?" I yelled after him. "Tell me!"

"You should rest," he said and quickly opened the door. "If you need anything..." "Coward."

I dropped the word cold and sharp without really meaning it. It was an attempt to provoke him. There was more than surely a secret he was trying to hide, and I was not going to let him run away again this time.

Junsu stared at me for a moment, wide-eyed. "Tae Yeon..."

"What are you afraid of, Junsu? You have your memories back, right? What was in that diary?" My voice was quivering. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answers myself.

"So what if I have my memories back?" he asked in his icy voice, the voice that broke me into pieces at the beach. "Does it change anything?"

"It does," I cried. "If you have your memories back, we can return to the way we were!" "We've always been friends..."

"Not that!" I shook my head frantically. "You promised..."

He hung his head low, and when he finally looked up at me, I saw the saddest smile forming on his lush lips.

"I love Ri In."

My knees felt weak. The fever that I had been trying to ignore was emerging in full force. My head was spinning again, I could hardly hold myself up.

"You do?" I asked between my heavy breaths. "Even when you remember your feelings for me?"

"Feelings are like plants, Tae Yeon-ah. If you haven't nurtured them for a long time, they wither."

"That's only because you didn't remember I exist! It's not fair, not fair at all..."

"Has life ever been fair?" he chuckled bitterly. "What happened, happened. It's no one's fault, and neither you, or I, can do anything about it."

"What about me, then? What will I do about me?" I hugged myself, my nails digging deep into the elbows. "What will I do about my feelings?"

He smiled faintly. "Just don't nurture them anymore."

"Kim Junsu, you really don't understand, do you?" I let out a dry laugh, despite the tears welling up in my eyes. "I love you."

"Oppa?"

For the first time, her sweet voice sounded like the bell of Death.

Jang Ri In.

Previously on Wedding Wrecker]

Kim Tae Yeon was so screwed.

Enjoy.

12.

"Oppa?"

It was worse than the return of the Jedi, the phantom menace, the attack of the clones, or even the revenge of the Sith! Oh, the horror! There she stood, with...sadly, no one other than Mr. Precious Shim Changmin, looking baffled, forcing to crack a smile that quickly faded into a pitiful bend of the lips.

"What are you talking about?" Ri In faltered. "Who...loves who?"

Junsu and I exchanged an awkward look. It seemed she didn't catch the whole conversation, but the last sentence was enough a shock for her. After all, he was her fiancé, who am I to declare such a thing? I felt as though caught committing a crime, being consumed with guilt and embarrassment in the manner of a woman walking naked in her apartment and being seen by the neighbor through the transparent windows. Not to say that I've done that before. And you should not do that either - no one has the right to leave haunting images in others' mind.

"Ri In, I can explain," Junsu spoke gently, trying to soothe the tense atmosphere, "Tae

Yeon..." "...loves me." I looked up.

I looked down.

I looked around.

I even looked at my feet.

No, there is no omniscient being roaring through a loudspeaker from above, unless he's using an Invisibility Cloak, which can't happen because the voice that said the horrid line "Tae Yeon loves me" belonged to Shim Chang Min.

"WHAT?"- we all shouted in unison.

Changmin brushed past Junsu to pull me into him. Out of reflex I jumped away, but he was faster, locking my neck in his arm like a crab clasping a worm in its claws. How

affectionate!

"Right, Tae Yeon?" he jerked his chin at me. "You're too happy about us dating that you blurted it out when you saw me at the door, right?"

"Dating?" - again, in unison. We should form a choir.

"Since when?" I gaped. Ri In eyed me oddly - of course if we were dating I would know, wouldn't I?

He flashed a very fake smile and spun me around so that our faces were hidden from Ri

In and Junsu's view.

"Do me a favor?" he hissed. "Shut up?" "Why...? What...? When...? How...?"

"Leave Ri In out of your mess," he threatened in the manner of Darth Vader about to invade Earth. "She only heard your "I love you," so we can still cover it up. We started dating the day we stayed out late, get it?"

I blinked. Dating him would be like dating an active volcano. Who would want to date a mountain? I'd rather go out with a crab. At least after we break up I can boil and eat it. "What do you think I am? Insane?"

"Are you not?" Am I? "Just shut up if you don't want to be kicked out of the house."

I puckered my lips, musing. Ri In, aside from being engaged to Junsu, was a pretty cool gal. She had been taking care of me, been nice to me. It probably wasn't the best idea to disclose that Kim Tae Yeon, that little crazy kid who she entrusted her wedding to had been lying to her. Besides, while I held Changmin's secret in my hands, there's no way his mother would believe me unless I have proof.

"Fine," I sighed yieldingly. "But we're not really dating, are we?" He made a face. "What do you think I am? You?"

Since when was I synonymous with insults?

We turned back to Ri In and Junsu with our least fake smiles possible.

"We started dating the day we went to that concert together, you know, that night we stayed out until the morning," I said, stealing a glance at Junsu, whose colors changed for an imperceptible second. Oh snap! He still thought Changmin and I...AARGH!!! "...NOT doing anything," I added hastily, "I mean, of course we did things, but not that, you

know, that that..." Makes sense like whoa.

"Wow," Ri In clasped her hands together, beaming with overflowing bliss and, oddly, relief. "Congrats, oppa! You're lucky to have such a pretty girlfriend. Tae Yeon-ah, if my brother doesn't treat you well, just tell me, ok?"

Oh my dear, that would be a very long story.

...

"So where's the contract?" I crossed my arms, assuming a haughty, business look. "What contract?" Changmin frowned.

I wriggled my brows. He still frowned. I...ugh, screw it.

"You know, the dating contract," I explained impatiently. "Like, it's only pretense and after x days we will break up and other conditions, such as not giving me lustful glances as if I were a cheesecake when we're with Ri In and stuff?"

"You know who you should date?" he paused with a smirk. "A psychologist." "Yah!"

He ignored me and picked up his guitar, casually playing some chords. We were at Dark

Lord, waiting for some producer who saw our performance and got interested in the band

- including me. I had little interest in pursuing a musical career, but I didn't want to stay at the breakfast table any longer. To prove that we were really dating - and to irritate the hell out of each other - we took turns to display nauseating gestures of (disgusted) affection. When Changmin pinched my cheeks, I blew him air kisses, and so on. Ri In giggled, "I think he really likes you," so sincerely that I grabbed his arm as if it were a lifeboat to run off before Ri In wanted us to throw a wedding next month.

"Yo, Tae Yeon, Changmin!" the other members had arrived. Hyuk Jae - or as he was usually called, Eun Hyuk, kept blowing at the long bangs that swept over his eyebrows. Why was he trying to spit at his own face?

"Yah, stop doing that, will you?" Sungmin said huffily. "That guy calling you "My Hyuk, My Hyuk" wasn't enough?"

"Yeah, it sounded like "My Hulk, My Hulk,"" Shindong shuddered. "Very creepy." Horrid mental image of the green giant bouncing, bounce, bounce. Ugh.

"Who?" I asked.

They all turned their heads towards the door. In came a lanky, pretty girl wearing a man suit, her long, long, red hair tied like a horse tail dancing over her bottom, her long side bangs covering both of her ears.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen," ok, my bad, she was a man. Jaejoong-style. "I'm

Kim Heechul from S&M records, here to discuss a record deal with you." S&M? Sex and Money? Science and Math? Sadism...ugh let's not go there. "S&M?" Changmin cocked an eyebrow.

Heechul nodded, "Our label invests in underground rock aw you're so cute My Hyuk bands like you." Not breaking his sentence, he reached out to pinch Hyuk Jae's cheeks.

"Why should we sign with you?" asked Changmin cheekily. Sungmin shook his head frantically, while Shindong was mouthing "what are you saying, idiot?"

"Oh," Heechul shrugged with nonchalance, "because we are A COCKROACH OH MY GOD good at what we do, and most importantly, we are SHlT THE COCKROACH IS RUNNING AWAY interested in you. Do you think other labels would dig this deep underground and discover you?"

Hyuk Jae stood up and stepped on the cockroach. It died beautifully.

After being hushed and nudged at by Shindong and Sungmin, Changmin stopped being a diva and signed the deal. Heechul specifically requested that I participate as well, saying "my dear, your violin part is very eww wipe that juice on your mouth creative. It gives more edge to the song!"

"Err..." I hesitated, "I'm not sure if I'm good enough..."

"Oh, come on," Hyuk Jae grinned, "the audience was cheering very loudly for you!" "Well..." I smiled dreamily, indulging myself in memories of the performance.

"And you can earn a lot of money for college," Sungmin winked. "Yeah..."

"Dream big, Tae Yeon!" Shindong put his arm round my shoulder, flailing the other arm all over the place. "Imagine, we'll be famous! We'll perform in a stadium in front of thousands of people! They will chant "Kim Tae Yeon! Kim Tae Yeon!" so loudly they won't even hear what you're playing!"

"Haah..."

"So will you sign with us?" Heechul asked with a smile. "Y...yes..." I spoke timidly. Hey, a girl can dream, right? "Can't hear it," Hyuk Jae leaned to me, cupping his ear. "Yes!" I threw a fist into the air.

"We'll perform together!" Hyuk Jae and Shindong gushed in unison. "Yes!"

"We'll become famous together!" "Yes!"

"Meet my mom this weekend together." "Yes!" Wait. "No!"

Changmin angrily keyed something into his cell phone, cursing at the screen under his breath.

"It wasn't a question," he snapped.

"Are you freaking serious? We're not dating!" I gasped in horror, while the others buzzed, "what's going on? Who's mating?"

Changmin pulled me away from the group and shoved his cell phone into my face. It was a message from his mom, telling him to date Tiffany or else she'd lock his credit card and send him abroad. Things started to make sense. Considering how "unfriendly" Changmin was towards Tiffany, it would have been impossible for her to hang around him without getting hospitalized, though Tiffany may not mind. She seemed to enjoy his abuse anyway.

"But meeting your mom is like...making it...official...ish..." I stuttered, blushing a little at the thought of having a boyfriend. It sounded really weird, because I'd always thought of myself as having a husband. You know, being a married woman and all...

"Ri In will tell her anyway," he reasoned. "That Tif-fucking-fanny just won't let go of

me. If there's a girlfriend, she might give up. It's only until Ri In's wedding, ok? I'll leave the house after that."

"What?" I exclaimed. "I know you enjoy hobo-style clothing but hobo-style living isn't for you! Think it over, will you? You know, when winter comes, it'll be really cold...then you wont' have enough money to buy food...and you will have to go around selling matches and then hallucinate, dreaming of food, and then die..."

"Whatever." Yeah, right, hobo wannabe. "But..."

"Why are you so worried about me?" sneered Changmin. "Should we start dating for real?"

"Please don't say such disgusting things." "OK then, Saturday, 6pm."

...

I wish I were high or stoned when I nodded at the appointment. Not that I ever smoke pot before.

It was just inexplicable how I could agree to such an inane idea. Maybe I pitied him? Why didn't I object? Am I a pawn in his game, porn under his bed, dandruff on his hair, or what? I could hardly did otherwise, though - I'd gone too far to draw back. It was Monday then, and the following days of the week, I was constantly on the edge of my seat whenever I saw Tiffany, or his mom. It was silly, actually, since none of them knew anything yet. Ri In had asked us to give her some time to find the least painful way of breaking the news to Tiffany, and Changmin hadn't told his mom who his girlfriend was. Luckily enough Ri In had been calling me almost everyday to go shopping and hang out with her, so that I could legitimately beg Jae to deal with her mom and our business at their house alone.

"Tae Yeon, I'm really glad you're going out with Changmin oppa," Ri In smiled charmingly as we sat in "La Génération Des Filles," the famous bakery where we booked the wedding cake. "I like Tiffany a lot, but they don't get along very well."

"Oh we get along real fine," I waved a hand, feeling a little sad that my sarcasm was wasted on her. "I can't get enough of your brother."

Cue flashback of yesterday's fight in the studio. We started recording the day after Heechul came to see us, and everything went pretty well, if you consider Changmin and I dissing each other a type of human music. Changmin used "dates with my girlfriend" as an excuse for the recording sessions when it became weird that he would hang out with his guy friends all the time. Sure he didn't want his mom to think he's gay?

"I hope you're not bothered by his...unusual diet," said Ri In while sipping her

cappuccino. The froth stayed on the rim of her upper lip, drawing a lovely line like the contour of a kitten's lips.

"You've got..." I motioned over my own lips, and reached across the table to wipe the froth away with my forefinger. She smiled sheepishly, her black hair seemed to glitter under the bright summer sunlight sifting through the glass window. Ah, if only she were a doll that I could just steal away and put in my pocket...

"Well," I snapped out of my daydream and continued, "When we have Naengmyeon he drinks the soup and I eat the noodle. Economical much?"

Ri In laughed aloud. "And he doesn't eat bread crust, tofu skin, and freaks out over fish's eyes, right?"

I made a miserable face and we both burst out laughing.

"He needs someone like you," Ri In looked out of the window pensively. "Someone that can cheer him up. I'm glad that he is over it now."

"Over what?"

"Ah," she blushed lightly, "it's just...he used to be very stubborn about this certain girl. She's taken, so there's really nothing he can do about it, you know?"

I hid my face behind the huge coffee mug. By "this certain girl", she was clearly talking about herself.

"Not to put pressure on you," she held my hand in the manner of mother sending daughter away for marriage, "but I really hope you guys work out. Please make him happy."

I smiled but said nothing. Not only Changmin, Ri In-ah. Is there any way to make everybody happy?

"Oh, this is my favorite!" I squealed when "La campanella" started to dance its vibrant way from the speakers.

"You like Paganini?" said Ri In gaily. "His caprices are so hard! Do you like Bach?" "Uh...playing Bach was hell..."

We went into a heated discussion of music and violin, which I must admit I enjoyed wholeheartedly. Ri In was like the sister I wish I had, since most of the kids at the orphanage, if they did music, would choose piano and I rarely had the chance to talk about violin to anyone. I still remember when I first started learning the instrument and practiced at home, Sister Lee would run to my room crying because other kindergarten-

age kids wouldn't stop crying. They thought my violin playing was the sound of some child kidnappers coming to get them. Sure, it sounded a bit like pigs squeaking when they got their throats cut, but how could it be that bad? Such a tragic past, I tell ya.

"Talking about music...are you coming tonight?" asked Ri In. "Huh?"

"My concert. Didn't Changmin tell you?"

I racked my brain, trying to remember if he did. Maybe he told me in another language. Maybe I was just deaf to anything he said after all the insults that he threw me.

"Kind of..." I answered hesitatingly.

"So you are coming, right?" Ri In widened her dove eyes at me, looking hopeful. It was so hard to resist this girl that I automatically nodded.

She smiled with content. "I'm gonna go prepare for it now, wanna come?"

...

In life, there are things you must, I repeat, MUST, with all the youthful strength in your body and all the mental power in your head, say "no" to.

For example, when your boss tells you to go die.

Or, when a girl invites you to go on a beauty trip with her.

Oh God. Jaejoong often told me he liked it that I was "natural". Not that I believe if I stayed ugly and plain some day a prince on a white pig would come and with a shovel dig out my beautiful soul hidden inside. It was simply too time-consuming and full of horror- movie style tortures, and going with Ri In to the beauty shop confirmed my fear. I was on the verge of tears the whole time they plucked my eyebrows, punched - or as they call it, "massage" - my back, and waxed my legs. As I limped out of the shop, my heart

brimmed with admiration for those gorgeous girls we see on the street. No pain, no gain! Don't ever underestimate girls - you never know what they went through to..."AAAAH!"

"What's wrong, Tae Yeon?" Ri In cried, concerned.

"My nails are bleeding!" I looked again. "Oh, never mind."

It was hard getting used to your nails being painted BRIGHT RED, ya' know?

"I think the nail polish is dry now," Ri In patted me kindly. "You don't have to spread your fingers like that."

I smiled sheepishly. So the nail polish actually dries after an hour? Very intriguing.

Since I didn't bring any formal clothes here to Seoul, Ri In lent me one of hers. We had a good time trying on different sets of clothes, laughing over some of her sillier outfits, and striking ridiculous poses in front of the mirrors. We went to the concert hall early without the others, as Ri In needed to get ready and wanted to introduce her orchestra friends to me. It was the Seoul Youth Orchestra, and contrary to popular belief, they weren't preppy or nerdy at all. Everybody was really friendly, and the atmosphere felt so much like a

cozy big family.

"Ready for your last concert as a single woman, Ri In?" HanKyung, the young and handsome conductor, patted Ri In's head. I noticed he was very touchy-feely with her. Tch, probably very heart-broken that his concertmistress was getting married, aye?

"Oppa, don't make it sound like a horrible thing," Ri In chuckled, pushed him playfully, and turned to me. "Tae Yeon-ah, do you know what's up with Changmin oppa? He called me earlier and asked really weird questions."

I was about to reply when my phone vibrated. Speaking of the devil!

"We'll know why soon," I read the message and informed Ri In. "He wants to see me outside."

Thanks to Ri In, I looked pretty decent tonight in her black, V-neck dress with a dainty knot on the right hip. I skipped down the steps of the terrace, secretly hoping that Changmin would sincerely compliment me for once. My hope was instantly dashed when I saw him leaning against a pillar of the hall, his face scrunched up in the most unpleasant way possible.

"Yo," I waved nervously. Something was definitely wrong with him today. I mean, something is always wrong with him everyday - today was the worst I'd ever seen.

"Selfish brat," he spat.

"Excuse me?" I asked indignantly. Although we insulted each other on a daily basis, this time he was being dead serious, I could tell.

"Why?" he pushed himself off the pillar and closed the distance between us dangerously. "Why what?!?"

"Why did you tell Junsu Ri In's secret?"

Did I?

[DVD Special - deleted scenes]

Jaejoong went out from a shower, hair dripping wet, half-naked.

[Use your imagination]

Enjoy.

13.

I once wished my life were complicated, just so that it would be little more exciting, a little less ordinary. You know, that sort of life where your parents suddenly remember that they actually gave birth to a human child, not a frog, eighteen years ago. Then they will seek you out, since they have so much money they don't know whether to burn it or give it to you. You turn into a princess, and meet this prince who, as it transpires, is your

blood-related brother (just assume that your parents are forgetful about their offspring), and before you think things can't get any worse, you get cancer from eating too much French fries.

Nothing like that ever really happened. My parents would never come back from the Kingdom of Hades, and thank God I don't eat French fries. I was happy with my simple life. Living in the suburb of Busan, I didn't have much to do, and it could get mundane going through the same routine every single day: tickling Inhwan until he wakes up, trying to get out of the house before Jaejoong arrives or else I'd have to kick him in the shin when he tries to hug me, sitting in classes that taught quite the same thing: how to survive sleepiness without strangling yourself, and so on. I no longer wished to have cancer (I was slightly morbid), but somewhere at the back of my mind sparked a tiny

hope for some...drama, some sort of a moderately dramatic event that shook my universe.

I didn't expect it to come in the form of Shim Changmin - nor did I realize what "drama" entailed. A wave of heat washed over my face, sinking down my chest. It wasn't anger, or shame, or embarrassment.

It was fear.

Selfish brat.

The words thundered in my ears, echoing as if from a deep cave. I wasn't particularly fond of Shim Changmin, but it scared me, all the same, to hear such hateful words from him. And I didn't even catch what he was saying. What...telling Junsu...Ri In's secret...?

"I appreciate your effort to make it impossible to be your...um, friend," I laughed weakly. "But aren't you trying too hard?"

He scoffed, "Oh, who is trying hard here? Junsu knows about Ri In and her gigs now. Happy?"

My eyes bulged out as I finally realized he was accusing me of tattling Ri In's music business to Junsu. To be completely honest, I've lost a lot of important things in my life, such as twelve umbrellas - oh dear lord didn't I get soaking wet in the rain!, five sweaters, some panties, etc. but how could I possibly lose my memory?

"I didn't tell anyone! What are you talking about?"

"Of course you didn't," he crossed his arms, his face flushed with repressed anger. "Just like murder convicts don't actually kill people, right?"

"Changmin..."

"Or," his voice was rising, "are you going to tell me that you lost your cell phone, and the person who picked it up just happened to know everything about Ri In, and Junsu?"

I rummaged my backpack - yes I refuse to own a purse, so sue me? - and found the cell phone under a pile of other ridiculous things I didn't even remember I had. A quick check of the Outbox didn't clear up the matter one bit. There was a message sent to Junsu,

telling him how Ri In accepted his proposal to escape her mom's plans, how she had been hiding her music from him all along, and irrelevant as it was, about Changmin's band as well. The time of the message was 4:16 pm, when I was at Ri In's house trying on

clothes.

"This...this..." I struggled with my speech. Did I have a blackout and somehow manage to commit this evil act? Do I have a brain tumor? Uh, brain tumor - NOT FUNNY.

"Maybe..." I stammered. "Maybe...they are just gonna have a small fight and let it go...?" I gazed at Changmin expectantly. Junsu is generous, he wouldn't mind his fiancé hiding her most important dream from him, right? He wouldn't mind that she sort of used the marriage to fulfill that dream either, right?

Right?

"Whatever," said Changmin hoarsely. "If she cries, you're gonna pay." The bell rang, signaling the start of the concert.

I watched as he walked past me into the concert hall. The door closed with a quiet click.

Changmin's gone.

...

The concert was a huge success. Her expression was versatile - gentle like the rain when the piece was soft and fragile, vivacious and wild with the gypsy rhythm of "Carmen Fantasy." The audience burst into standing ovation as HanKyung shook Ri In's hand, and both bowed in exuberance to the deafening applaud. I squeezed my way through the orchestra members to the backstage with one single thought in my mind: explaining to Ri In that I didn't tattle her secret. I still wanted to go shopping with her. Get my nails done with her. Talk about music with her. I still wanted to see those sparkling eyes, the hair

that curled and bounced on her shoulders, that sweet, sweet laugh. I still wanted to be her friend, even if that means I am the biggest hypocrite in the world.

My running steps came to a halt when I saw Junsu there, quietly embracing Ri In with a strained, heavy expression. His fiancée, unaware of the imminent storm, was smiling more brightly than sunshine. She looked around, asking people if I came. She wanted to wait for me, but Tiffany convinced them that I was nowhere to be found. Changmin didn't say a word. He even let Tiffany lock arms with him, to her many happy squeals. I quickly hid myself behind the curtain, and drew deeper into the dark corner as they passed by, hand in hand, surrounded by friends and flowers.

I had no idea why I didn't confront them. What was I supposed to say? That I had blackouts and didn't remember what I did? Likely story. Then again, I couldn't explain why the message was in my cell phone.

"Tae Yeon! Tae Yeon!" Jaejoong scrambled to my bed and pulled me down. Uh, no, he wasn't trying to rape me. "Why are you banging your head into the wall like that? Wanna test how," he air-quoted, " "headstrong" you are?"

I told him what happened, leaving out Changmin's and my little deal. Save the world one less murder.

"...I just thought maybe hitting my head will help me remember something. Maybe I have a brain tumor..."

"Or you can actually get a tumor that way and it'd be a perfect excuse," mocked Jaejoong. He pressed his palm on my forehead - which should be decorated with a huge bump by now - and rubbed it gently.

"Hey Jae," I drummed my fingers on the mattress as if it were an invisible piano. "Am I

selfish?"

"Yes," he said lightly.

I plunged my head into the puffy pillow. "Why?"

"You never really thought Ri In would be just as miserable as you are if they broke up,

didn't you?," Jaejoong sighed. His lips opened as if to say something else, but closed instantly.

I said nothing and lay motionless. If I said I never thought about Ri In getting hurt, it would be a lie; but then again, I never considered the realistic consequence of their breakup with my entire common sense. All I ever imagined was my happy ending. My happily-ever-after. All these years, daydreaming of the moment when Junsu comes back, of us racing along the beach, our laugh bursting like iridescent soap bubbles from our chest. All these years, hoping, waiting, hoping.

If the prince and the princess are meant to end up together, who cares about the prince's fiancé, right?

Right?

"Life is unfair, huh?" I turned to face the ceiling. Jaejoong was sitting next to my pillow. "Duh." He chucked me under the chin. "Just look at me. How many people on Earth can

be so perfect? I have everything: I'm hot, I'm smart, I will eventually marry Kim Tae

Yeon, though she's still in denial now - yah, don't hit me!"

I kicked him in the legs, a smile cracking on my lips. I tilted my head to have a better

view of his face - porcelain skin, elegant lines that seem to come straight from a Japanese comics, especially the yaoi ones (that's a compliment, and no I'm entirely not into gawking at two men making out). I had always wondered why such a gorgeous guy

would stick with me for that long, while a million queen cars, I mean, queenkas at school would even strip before him just to get his attention. But I never asked.

"Why won't you give up on me, Jae?" I muttered.

He gaped in shock - reasonably, as I had never before sincerely addressed his feelings. I sat up and fiddled with my toes. It had always been easier to tease him, to say that he was gay. Now it felt horrible. Suddenly I felt like the most evil girl on the face of Earth. If we entered a show called "Who wants to be The Villain-naire?", I could probably knock out Dracula, You-Know-Who, Satan, or The Wicked Witch of the West, although they probably can't participate. Most game-shows are for humans, as far as I know.

"Then why won't you give up on Junsu?" Jaejoong smiled faintly. "You should know it best."

The days since I reunited with Junsu played across my mind, the images strung into a fast-forwarded movie. I searched and searched, but wasn't sure if I had the answer anymore.

Not anymore.

"Why didn't you stop me? Don't you feel hurt seeing me with another man?" I asked, almost to myself. A pang twitched in my chest as the scene of Ri In in the wedding dress and Junsu in his tuxedo flashed by, beautiful like a painting.

"Of course. But if I stopped you, you wouldn't be happy. That doesn't do me any good either," he grinned.

I collapsed on the bed with a loud thud. Jaejoong gently patted my cheek and stood up, but stopped abruptly.

"...although, I wonder if I should have stopped you..." he trailed off. "Why?"

"Since you came here," he said as he picked up his steps. "You smile less, and lie more often."

...

I woke up the next morning feeling fatigued from the dream of the previous night. In the dream I was chasing after the sun, and when I almost caught up with it, it transformed into Junsu, glowing brilliantly as if he had a huge halo behind, just like...What's-His- Name..oh, right, Buddha! Glowing like Buddha, except he's a lot thinner and hotter than that chubby Holy Being. And then he held out his hand for me, but before I could touch

it, a shadow appeared from behind and stabbed him with a knife. Junsu groaned and burst into ash.

HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE.

But that must be because Jaejoong and I watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer last night. That must be it. There was a somewhat similar, albeit much more terrifying scene. It might also have been caused by Jae's disturbing question, "I have always been with you, so of course I can't give up on you. But you didn't see Junsu for 10 years...are you sure you aren't in love with the idea of him, rather than the guy himself?" I discarded the

question as irrelevant. Feelings can't just wane with time, right? I hadn't seen a real snake for ten years, and am willing to kill whoever gets me near it. The feelings are as strong as ever.

Like I always say, absence makes the heart grow larger. Or fonder. Whichever. Don't know. Don't care.

We had another recording session today, though I didn't much fancy going. I still couldn't explain to Changmin why the message was in my cell phone. Jaejoong and I racked our brains to make up hypotheses, to no avail.

"Being the klutz that you are," Jaejoong laced his fingers in a very Sherlock Homes manner, "maybe you intended to message somebody else and pressed Ri In's number instead?"

"No way! Maybe..." I rubbed my chin, "I was hypnotized by Korean Secret Police..." "Or, you threw your backpack somewhere recklessly, as you always do, and someone

took your cell phone?"

"But who would know about Ri In's secret? MAYBE THERE IS A GHOST IN HER HOUSE!"

"Or a raccoon..."

Like that, our little investigation went nowhere.

I guess I just had to whack Changmin unconscious.

In front of our house, two girls were huddling together, whispering suspiciously. Hmm, are they Jaejoong's fans? I tiptoed near to hear what they were saying.

"So...you will slap her, and..."

"Hey, in Hana Yori Dango, they dump trash on Tsukushi, should we do that too?"

"No, that's Japan. In Korea, we begin by glaring - make sure your eyes bulge out - then we will cross our arms like we have nothing better to do, say that she's ugly and poor, and if she bitches back, slap her."

"Oh, ok...I never knew being a bitch is that complicated!"

God forbid. What kind of conversation is this? "On how to be a bitch effectively"?

I shook my head exasperatedly and walked away. Seconds later, I heard footsteps behind me - can't be the neighbor's dogs! They don't wear shoes! - and the two girls ran ahead to stop me. I gasped, recognizing them as Jessica and Soo Young, Ri In's band mates.

"We need to talk," Soo Young, the taller girl with a round face, scowled.

I fidgeted. "What about?" Something smelled funny. Something like...DOOM. "Huh," Jessica snorted. "Don't you know?"

"No, I don't," I blinked. "Oh, you so do!"

"Uh, no, I so do not."

"Stop, stop," Soo Young stepped between us, wiggling her eyebrows at Jessica as if signaling something. "Kim Tae Yeon, you're gonna pay for hazarding Ri In's relationship!"

Great, when I got first prize in the cooking contest at school, NOBODY knew. Now, it was just a text message that I didn't even send, and EVERYBODY knew. Why? Why?

"I didn't do it," I said slowly.

"We don't think so!" Soo Young raised her voice. They both cornered me until my back was pressing against the wall. "Did you ever pause to think what could happen to her, to our band, when you sent the message?"

"I said I didn't..."

"Shut up!" Soo Young yelled, pushing away Jessica who was pulling her arm to calm her down. "Why, huh? She's such a nice girl. She hasn't cried in years, and now you want to make her cry---" Soo Young punched her fist into the wall, "again?"

Her face was so close to me that I could see the tears in her eyes, threatening to stream down. My heart was filled with admiration for the girl. Soo Young must really care about Ri In...

"My hand..." she hiccupped, "...hurt."

...and passed out.

...

"I told you not to use force when you're hungry!" Jessica scolded as she wrapped Soo Young's fist in bandage. I had helped Jessica call a taxi and carry Soo Young back to Jessica's house, and cooked them a quick and, of course, delicious breakfast. They were nice, actually, and apparently had never terrorized anyone before. Tsk, what did they think they were? Totally underestimated the Ancient and Royal Art of Being Evil, these girls.

"Meh," Soo Young pouted, and gave me a sideways glare. "So you really didn't send that message?"

I nodded. "If you two want to test me, feel free to stab me with these," I pointed at the scissors on her desk, but immediately veered towards the pens when seeing Soo Young stood up.

"It's not like we want to be all bitchy and gangster or anything," Jessica heaved a deep sigh. "But Junsu is everything to her. They never had a single fight...until yesterday."

"Is it...is it that serious?" I wondered aloud.

Soo Young shook her head. "We don't know. Ri In likes to keep things to herself. We only know because Yuri walked in on them arguing."

"Yeah, sad but true - we're her best friends but whenever she's in trouble, we can only ask Yuri," Jessica added.

I wasn't surprised. The girl was indeed a gossiper - I still shuddered whenever I recalled the night Yuri took care of me. I was almost in a coma with my fever, but she kept going on and on: "Tae Yeon-sshi, I feel so bad for you! It must be horrible having a fever like this. You know, that lady next door also had a fever the other day, and stayed in bed for a week. Her husband was never at home during that time - he was cheating on her! I'm sure that he was - the grocery ajjuma told me! Oh, and her daughter is dating Yesung,

that famous rock singer, unbelievable, right? He always says he's gay. But it must be true

- I read it in the tabloids! And her sister..." and so on and so forth. Basically I learned everything about the neighbor's family, relatives, and friends, including who had sex with whom and whose pets died last year.

"Still, Junsu can't blame her for being so into music," Soo Young gritted her teeth. "It was what saved her from depression!"

"Depression?" I repeated. For someone who used to suffer from depression, Ri In looked too radiant to be true.

"Yup," Jessica nodded. "Ri In's father was in a car accident. No one ever understood why her mom adopted Junsu almost immediately after that...but it was Junsu and music that helped her through those years."

My eyes widened in shock. It was true that I never heard them mention Mr. Jang. I just sort of assumed there was a family tragedy that they would rather not talk about. At some point Jaejoong and I even speculated that Jang Dong Gun fucked up when he was young and had Ri In, a secret he hid from the public. But then again, the age doesn't quite match...

"The thing is," Soo Young continued, "Ri In used to think that it was her fault her father died. She was in a major school's play, and wanted him to be there. I guess he was in a hurry to be on time for his daughter. Don't you know that Junsu is Ri In's first and only boyfriend? Since her father's demise she never has the confidence to do anything - studying, relationships, you name it. It's always music and Junsu."

"I hope Junsu won't let men's stupid my-girl-doesn't-lie-to-me pride get in the way," Jessica smacked her lips. "It would be bad - really, really bad for Ri In - if anything

happens."

...

Running out of Jessica's house, I squeezed my way through the crowd at the subway station, trying to catch a train to Ri In's house as fast as I could. Honestly, I did not know what I would do there, but I needed to do...something. I could barely think of the future anymore. Marriage, eternal love, blah blah - fuck all that. I just wanted to stop what was happening at this very moment.

I didn't mean to get him back like this. Didn't I want a fair-play match? No lowly tricks, no backstabbing. As few casualties as possible. And yet.

Why did we all end up hurting?

Whoever said "all is fair in love and war" is obviously a brainless fuck.

...Einstein didn't say that, right? Hmm.

"Yuri!" I cried in relief when I saw Yuri walked slowly to the door. I was thinking of breaking in after pressing the bell for a long fifteen minutes, while there was definitely somebody at home. I heard noises, and Ri In's car was parked right along the fence.

"Where's Ri In? Is Junsu at home, too?" I asked urgently.

Yuri's lips quivered violently. She covered her face in her hands, her shoulders heaving up and down along with her loud sobs.

"He's...he's...dead."

[Side Story]

Once upon a table, there was a bottle of vinegar. A frog drank it, and turned into a bigger frog.

...He lived happily ever after.

The end.

Enjoy.

14. Wait.

Parental Advisory: If you suspect your boyfriend used to be a frog, use caution when kissing. He might be poisonous.

Enjoy (for real).

14.

"Where's Ri In? Is Junsu at home, too?" "He's...he's dead."

I waited for her laugh. There was none. "Who? Who's dead?"

"Heath...Heath Ledger!"

...Breathe. Breathe. Should not assault an innocent girl who took away twenty years from my life expectancy.

"It's a pity," I managed to say. "His movies were really good."

"Yeah," Yuri sobbed. "I haven't seen any of them, but his death was so sad! Heath loved his kid so much, but Michelle was afraid that--"

Michelle? ...Okay. "Where's Junsu?"

She stopped bawling for a moment, blinked at me with her pretty eyes, and...started bawling again. "He's dead, too!"

"WHAT?"

I grabbed at my chest. My heart was punching against my ribcage.

"He hasn't come back since yesterday! He called last night. The signal was really bad, but I could hear him say "...dead...a day or two...". That means he's gonna commit suicide!"

"Did he say anything else?"

"I couldn't hear anything...we tried to call back, but no one picked up."

I scurried past Yuri into the house. Ri In was sitting on the sofa, phone in one hand, staring blankly at some music video playing on the TV. They're trying to make Amy Winehouse go to rehab but she said no, no, no. Oh come on, give the girl a break. How can you not be an alcoholic when you've got a house full of wine?

"Any idea where he is?" I asked, trying to breathe.

"I've called all of his friends, hospitals, police stations. Nothing." she said, not taking her eyes off the TV.

"This is the classic cold-feet case." Yuri chimed in from behind me. When the hell did she get there? "I mean, after he marries you he will have to take care of the company and

give up his photography, so he must be quite nervous, right?"

Ri In smiled at Yuri. "Maybe. Or maybe he's having second thoughts."

Her bottomless eyes stopped at me for a fleeting second. A chilling thought ran through my nerves.

She knew.

"We need to talk," I sat down next to Ri In, waiting for Yuri to leave.

...ok, what's wrong with this girl? Is she bisexual? I swear, the way she was ogling us is just...wrong.

"Yuri?" I smiled. She smiled back. WRONG REACTION, YURI. "Oh, don't mind me. Talk!" chirped Yuri.

"...Please?"

She pouted and turned on her heels like a shooed puppy drooping its ears. Amy

Winehouse was still not going to rehab. Jesus.

"It's my fault," said Ri In quietly. I noticed the dark bags under her eyes. Did she stay up all night waiting like this?

"When he proposed to me, he only thought we'd stay engaged until I graduate from college. It was my idea to get married early. Mom kept nagging about Julliard. I needed something to stop her."

"But you do love him, right?" I asked.

She tightened her lips. It was as if her face had taken on a layer of glass, translucent enough to reveal the emotions trembling inside, but solid enough not to break.

"He never told me he was allergic to cinnamon." "Ri In..."

"He never tells me much, especially about his childhood. I thought I didn't mind. Why would the past matter if I was his present, right?"

She was looking at me now, her eyes unbearable. Too deep, and devastatingly innocent. I

could barely hear my heartbeat.

"He loves you," I said. "You should know that much."

"Does he?" She shot back, her voice strained. "Then what did you two want to hide from me? I'm not that stupid, Tae Yeon-ah. I could tell pretty much what was going on from that conversation. But the wedding was so close, I didn't want to stir things up. Why did he lie to me?"

"It's...it's not his fault," I pleaded. "Look, Ri In, I'm sure he's just stuck somewhere. Let's look for him, ok?"

She replied with a smile crippled with bitterness, and headed for the stairs. As if remembering something, she stopped in her track.

"Say, Tae Yeon, after the wedding, you will return to Busan, right?"

She waited me out. When I finally gave a slight nod, she walked away, her steps echoing slowly and heavily like a sad, sad song.

...

I need rehab. I do.

To recover from Excessive Phone Dialing. In the past two and a half hours I'd been pacing back and forth in the living room of the Jang's residence, calling all the flower shop, the bakery, the hotel...basically everywhere that had to do with the wedding, yet there was no news of Junsu. I also called Junsu and left a gazillion voice messages,

though I knew it was no use. Desperate, I asked Yuri where his room was, and sneaked in, hoping to find some clues as to where he could have gone.

...and no, I had no intention of stealing his underwear, thank you very much.

His room was white - a nod to the overall white of the house - but the wall adjacent to the bed had been covered with photos: large, small, black and white, colors. He took pictures of almost everything, everybody. A yellow-yielding-to-red-maple-leaf. A girl standing by the ice-cream truck. Groups of students hugging and cheering at a graduation ceremony. Ri In was his favorite subject. There were pictures of her from when she was a kid, emancipated, her hair clipped behind the ears on both side, smiling radiantly in her striped skirt. Then pictures of her in middle school and high school, with friends, going to karaoke, doing tea ceremony in a white-dotted-with-red kimono, or blocking the camera's lens with her hand - I could hear her laughter ringing from the picture.

His bed was half-made, the blanket casually touching the ground on one side. A small stack of books snuggled behind one leg of the bed, next to the PS2 machine. Though the room was rather neat, there were some soccer shorts and T-shirts thrown haphazardly on the bed. I couldn't help a smile. He still liked soccer, that addict. He used to carry a soccer ball with him all the time, just in case he got some free hours.

I scanned the room. Oddly enough, instead of a ball, there was a large portfolio-style album on the desk. It was his more professional photos, experimenting with different techniques and compositions, arranged chronologically. I flipped the pages and saw some recently-dated photos that looked strangely familiar. Wait, that place looks like...

"Holy shlt."

I cursed, and scampered for the door.

...

I'm a genius.

The one and only genius who figured out where Junsu was by a simple check of his room. Hah! Hah! Hah!

You see, sometimes modesty can be so detrimental. If I had believed more in my talent and opened a detective office, maybe I would have been saluted as the Korean Nancy Drew, the female Sherlock, or The Greatest Detective of All Time. I'd have been glorified.

...or maybe I was just Jaejoong-ified.

I watched silently as Junsu shot the ball into the goal, picked it up, and made another shoot. He was using his full strength, kicking at the ball so hard the grass under it was tossed into the air and scattered all over. Sweats were dripping from his temples, his

neck; the red T-shirt sticking to his wet back. He must have been doing this for hours, for after the tenth shoots or so he grabbed his knees and started panting. The hot, humid summer air didn't help. Junsu wiped his forehead and took off his shirt. The sinking sun drooled thick orange stripes on his firm, wash board abs and defined, but not overly so, arms.

God, this is so much better than porn.

...though the closest to porn I've seen was some woman giving birth to a kid - you know, the thing that happened after the actual porn. Very intense, I tell you.

Thing is, I'm nose-bleeding. Before I could bleed to death, I turned sharply away...

...and knocked myself against the tree behind me.

"OUCH!"

"Tae Yeon?" Junsu sprinted to me. "What are you doing?" OH MY F-BEEP GOD. STILL SHIRTLESS. HELP!

...Breathe. I didn't look like the genius that I am if I kept staring at the tree like this. Should I say I was talking to the tree? Nah. Must say something more intelligent.

"I'm...having a conversation with the tree!" Smart. Just smart, Tae Yeon.

"Oh, you know this tree too?" Junsu laughed. "He's my friend. What did you guys talk about?"

His tone was sincere, his laugh limpid. I looked at the tree again, and glanced around. So it was that tree. He used to climb up to its top, and jumped down to surprise me and Micky.

We were in Busan, in an area not too far away from the orphanage. Back then we were kids and couldn't run too far. This was our hiding place, a deserted soccer field with rusty goalposts and an open space whose end was the horizon.

"We talked about this guy who likes to lie," I patted the tree trunk.

Junsu's smile slowly dissipated. He put on his shirt, and reached for a towel to wipe his face.

"Why are you here?"

"People are worried sick for you at home. Why didn't you call? And...what exactly did you tell Yuri?"

Junsu frowned. "Huh? I told her that my cell phone was dead, and I'd be back in a day or two. I was using a public phone with bad connection..."

I sighed, taking out my cell phone to press Ri In's home number. "Here, call them....before Yuri thinks you're kidnapped by the E.T. in an UFO."

Suddenly he took the phone from my hand and snapped it close. "I'll take you to the train station. You should go back before it gets late."

"Not until you tell me what this is," I took out the photo from his album that I'd stuffed in my pocket before leaving his room.

Junsu's eyes widened. He gazed at the photo with a longing, yet fiery look. "This..."

I smiled, a corner of my heart singing with content...

...while the rest ached. "You remember."

...

Even if it's family, there are times you would want to run away.

In the orphanage, many of us have done that, at least once. Reasons vary. Those who were dropped here when they barely let out the first cry want to see the world, to see what is outside this roof that they've always been under. Those like us, losing our family before we could learn how to love them, can sometimes let the yearning claw at us, burn us, and find solace in a secret haven, where no one could find us.

The first time Junsu ran away, Micky got a semi panic attack, and I must have lost 15 pounds from crying. He came back safely after a day, and as a bribe to soothe us, he showed us where he hid - the soccer field - so that whatever happened, we would always know where to find him. Then he ran away again, the first time Sister Moon told him he was wanted for adoption. He wanted to stay with us. But that time, we couldn't find him at the soccer field. I sneaked out and waited for him the whole night in front of the orphanage's door, and got sick from morning frost. Junsu returned the following night, drenched, the knees of his pants covered in dirt.

"Junsu, please don't do this again," I said firmly. "If you run away again I'm gonna hunt you down and kick your ass. Or maybe kill you."

"I'm sorry," said Junsu gently. "From now on, if I ever want to hide, I will hide on the tree at the soccer field. You will find me, right?"

I nodded readily. Junsu grinned and held out his hand. In his fist was a tiny, freshly green four-leaf clover - the insanely rare sign of good luck.

"For you," he said simply.

I poked it with my little finger. "Thanks. But...why?" "'Coz...um, it'll bring you magic!"

I clapped excitedly. "Really? What kind of magic? A million years of free, delicious food?"

"N...no," Junsu scratched his head, blushing like a ripe tomato. "It'll bring you a...a...husband. Hang it on your door, and the next person to come in is your husband."

"Nah. I had a husband before. Didn't like it."

"Um...I mean a human. A boy. Not the hamster you named Husband." "Oh." I nodded knowingly and stuck the clover on my door with tape.

"Tae Yeon," said Junsu, rubbing the tip of his right foot on the floor awkwardly. "So...um...can I...can I come...tomorrow morning?"

It took me fifteen minutes to work the logic - Junsu doesn't go with me to the girl's bathroom, so he must be a boy, and he will come tomorrow morning, which means he is the first boy to...

Then I passed out from joy. A proposal.

I know, kids these days.

"Great picture," I smiled to the photo in my hand - the picture of a four-leaf clover glistening in little dots of dew.

"Took me a while to find those clovers," said Junsu while gulping down a water bottle. "Say," I twirled a wildflower in my fingers, "why can't people be happy with three-leaf

clovers? Isn't the third leaflet "love"?"

"But the forth one is "happiness". You can have love, and not happiness."

We both said nothing for a while. Junsu took out the SIM of his phone and used it on mine to call home. It was my idea. I didn't want Ri In to know we were together.

"Weird," he moved the phone away from his ear and eyed it suspiciously. "I have 237 voice messages."

OH NO.

NO NO NO.

Let's see. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Oh my Jesus.

235 of them were MINE! IN MY DEFENSE, I had nothing better to do on the train, so... "Err, Junsu, give me my phone, please?"

I lunged for my phone. Junsu beamed a wicked grin, mouthing "No", and caught my hands before I could reach his. I raised my knees to kick him, but he deftly spun me around and locked me with his arm across my shoulders, my back against his stomach.

"Ignore those messages, please!" I yelled helplessly. "Hush," he feigned a frown, and pressed the key. Message 1.

"Hi, Junsu. Jesus, how does this work? I hate answering machine. It's like talking to a ghost! Or worse, talking to yourself! Anyway, where the hell are you? Call me back when you receive this."

Message 2.

"I know I left you a message 5 minutes ago, but seriously, where are you? Yuri thinks you're dead. Or raped. Whichever. Call me back when you hear this message. See, this is ridiculous again: why leave a message when you know the person can't hear it right away anyway? You can just call back later, right? This is why cell phone is ev---GO TO HELL! Oh sorry didn't mean you, just...this Winehouse girl...ugh, never mind. Bye."

Message 3.

"I've thought about it. Maybe you heard the messages but didn't want to call back. Look, I know I've been bothering you with all that childhood talk, but that's not a reason to commit suicide! Look at the people in Iraq: their life is miserable, but they don't kill themselves! They die naturally in explosions and gunfights. Okay, damn it, when did I let Yuri's bull rub on me? You're not dead, and you will call me back! Bye."

Junsu was laughing uncontrollably now, so much that he had to release me and clutch at his stomach. I held my head, on the verge of pulling out my hair. There's no point in living anymore! Kim Tae Yeon's honor as a human has been ruined, ruined!

"Junsu, stop, please?" I pleaded. I actually could care less about being human - my honor had been lost long, long ago when I let Micky call me a goldfish and treat me like one. I just didn't want him to hear the last message.

As if reading my mind, he skipped to that very dreadful message, and started listening. "Junsu, you're running away again. I will find you. Wait for me?" I had paused, and

pulled the phone away until I no longer sounded like a whiny bargaining phone salesman or some heartbreaking missing-person ad. "See you."

Junsu lowered the phone from his ear. I buried my face in my hands, cursing myself for

sounding like a corny ass.

"If I said I waited, would you think I lie?" he asked.

"I don't know!" I shouted. "I don't know anymore. You got your memory back after we went to the orphanage, right? Why lied?"

"It's good for both of---"

I threw the soccer ball at his chest, cutting him off. "You know what I came all the way to

Seoul for! Good, for whom? Us? Does that include me?" "I'm sorry."

"Liar!" I tossed the ball at him again. He stood still with his head hung low, not dodging. "Cheater! Jerk! Jackass!"

I thumped his chest, tossing insults left and right. Soon I was tongue-tied, but I kept on thumping. Junsu slowly closed his arms around my shoulders until I was fully in his embrace. I pressed my face against his chest, so that the liquid on my cheeks could be absorbed by the T-shirt and mistaken for sweat. He squeezed me lightly.

"Santa." I grumbled.

"What?" The gravity on his face faded. He couldn't help a smile.

"That's an insult. Pedophilic SOB who lures children into being good and then announces he isn't real."

Junsu let out a loud laugh. He loosened his arms to look at my face. "I missed you." Above us, lush green leaves quivered tenderly in the breeze. The sky was an ever-

changing violet canopy, accentuated by glowing orange-pink dusky clouds. I closed my eyes to let the words from his lips kiss my ears, linger.

"I missed you, too."

I whispered, holding on to the words soft on my lips. Hold your breath, for this moment would shatter. This man was driving a knife into my heart, destroy it, caress it. But I hardly cared.

"I missed you." I chanted the spell, over and over again. It was either too real, or too beautiful.

15.

If you listen closely, you can hear hearts beat.

I pressed my cheek against his chest. It was warm and firm. I never realized his shoulders were so broad. He only wrapped his arms around me, and I was completely shielded from the world in his embrace.

Not that the world even matters now, anyway.

It felt as though I was treading on air, every single cell of my body tingling with happiness. I felt weightless - very figuratively of course, considering the food that I ate. But I knew. I was treading on ice. The happiness was too much, too overflowing it could break the surface, and we would drown.

For happiness is only as solid as a spring day's snow.

I could feel everything fading as Junsu slowly pulled away from me. The moment was divine and precious; why did it have to pass by so fast? The final pieces were falling apart, and I didn't want to break them more than they were. He gazed into my eyes,

waiting for me to speak. I told myself to pick my words with care. I should say something romantic and thoughtful. Something...cute.

"Why did you lie?" Damn you, SELF.

His eyes widened for a second. He fitted his palm on my forehead and smiled crookedly. "Because I know it'd be like this."

I ignored the implication. "Like what?" "So much harder to say goodbye."

I bit my lower lip, my teeth digging in until they tasted blood. "What was in that diary? Why did you lose your memories? And how did you get it back?"

He didn't reply right away. Rotating the ball in his hands, he leaned back against the tree and studied my face.

"That diary brings no one happiness, Taeyeon ah. Let it go."

"I just wanted to know why," I croaked. "Ten years, Junsu. Ten years. If you could crystallize the hopes and dreams I had for us all those years, I bet it's enough to gift-wrap them and send to depressed people. I deserve to know. At least give me that, will you?"

"It won't change anything. I am going to marry Ri In, and..." he paused, accidentally dropped the ball, clenching his fists so tightly the veins bulged, "you and I...can't be...what we used to be."

A pang of pain seared through my chest. Instinctively I grabbed the collar of my shirt, gasping silently for air. Dandelions were swaying in breezes as the evening slid under my feet. They were singing a sad song that I wouldn't listen to anymore.

"Are you happy, Taeyeon?" Junsu asked. "Oh, take a wild guess."

"Just answer. Are you? If we hadn't met again. If I hadn't told you anything."

I froze. It only occurred to me now how lucky I actually was for all these years. I had a hot best friend who cared for me. I had the Sisters and the kids. I had friends at school and a dream to pursue. I was happy.

"Yes...I guess," I hesitated.

He kicked himself off the tree and turned to face the horizon. The field stretched so far it was hard to tell where the limit was. We used to wonder, maybe there was a magical land at the end of the field? Or it could have been nothing, nothing at all.

"I first met Ri In at her dad's funeral," Junsu began. I held up a hand, signaling my unwillingness to hear his love story, but he continued. "Her mom was too busy with the guests that she didn't notice Ri In was hiding away in a corner. She was slapping herself. Left cheek, right cheek, left cheek. Her cheeks were swollen, and her eyes red. I wasn't sure if the tears were from the death, or from the pain. She kept mumbling to herself, "Appa, I'm a bad kid. I shouldn't have asked. I shouldn't have cried and threatened not to eat if you didn't come to the play. I shouldn't have..." I had to tie her hands up. It took her three years. It wasn't pretty, and she wouldn't have made it without...without us. She has suffered too much, Taeyeon ah. She needs me."

"Do you need her?"

He let out a brief sigh. "Maybe. That time, I was also messed up. After your and Micky's accident, I lost my memories of you both. I was always sad about something, but I didn't know what. There was this...void. Didn't go away. Didn't hurt. Just there. And Ri In helped me fill that void. We were two broken pieces that worked. Together."

"Enough..."

"You used to be my world," he stepped closer to me. "Just the sound of your name made me happier than I could ever be. But the world changed, Taeyeon ah. And so did I."

I had no strength left to stand. Junsu caught me before I collapsed and held me tightly. I wasn't aware of his arms around my back, or something moist from his cheeks on the nape of my neck. My heart had left me, and so was my soul. I barely heard his whisper.

"Goodbye, my first love. Goodbye."

....

Once upon a time, the world was made of his wide, bright smile. His peculiar laugh. His slender, long eyes.

And then the world was no longer.

I grew up in tales about fairy-tales. Books were rare, and movies never reached the far and isolated orphanage. I knew about Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid through my friends at school who indulged themselves in Disney animation. We firmly believed that the prince's fiancé was the Sea Witch, and the prince would live happily ever after with the little mermaid. We were never told the real fairy-tale, in which the fiancé was an innocent princess, and the mermaid died at the end.

Disney is evil.

On the ride back, I pretended to be sleeping, so that we didn't feel the need to talk or choke on our own silence. You can't pretend to be sleeping without closing your eyes and breathing slowly, so I did. And the train moved smoothly. Though sadness was wrapping around me like a cocoon, sleepiness still found it way into my mind.

...and I fell asleep for real.

When my eyes fluttered open, my head was on his shoulder. I was paralyzed. I closed my eyes immediately, and pretended to be asleep again. The scent of his sweat mitigated by soap, sprinkled with his own pleasant body odor teased me. The steady, unhurried rise

and fall of his shoulder lulled me. But I stayed wide awake. I tried to rest my head on his shoulder as naturally as possible, yet it still managed to slowly, slowly slide down. The moment it almost fell off, he gently pushed it back and titled his head so that mine was comfortably clamped in the nape of his neck. I could sense a hand hovering over my cheek. It never touched my skin.

When the train came to a halt, I jerked my head up, so quickly that I bumped against the window. It was quite late; a few passengers scattered on the platform, waiting for the final trains. Junsu and I stood face to face, the bright light of the station pouring on us. Neither of us wanted to move, and the silence grew more and more suffocating by the second. An announcement suddenly boomed from the speakers. Junsu finally spoke.

"You looked beautiful in that wedding gown," Junsu smiled with his lips, but not his

eyes. "You'll be a beautiful bride to somebody. Somebody who can make you happy."

I thought my tears would flow. None came. I stood numbly, neither sad nor angry. A passenger scurried by, slightly brushing my shoulder. He hastily apologized; I blankly nodded. My feelings had run dry.

"Let me take you home," he offered. "Don't worry about it," I shook my head.

"It's late, and this area is sketchy. I'll call Changmin. He can drive you---" "I don't want to see him."

"Did something happen?" Junsu asked, concerned. "Aren't you two dating?"

Oh, right. That. "Yeah. We even spent the night together." A childish content crept through me when I noticed the hard glint in Junsu's eyes. "Actually, I'm going to your house. I'm dying to see him."

To "break up". I deliberately left out that part, secretly enjoying the frown vaguely formed on Junsu's brows. Maybe the last sign of jealousy or something my wild imagination created.

"But I thought you didn't want Ri In to know you found me..." Junsu said.

"Oh, I have to explain to her anyway," I shrugged absently. "She asked me about us. I can help clear some suspicion. You don't want any bitter feelings before the wedding, do you?"

Junsu resigned himself to my suggestion and called a cab for us. On the way back to his house, I veered away from the thought of their wedding and focused on Changmin instead. It felt odd knowing that I would have to bid him goodbye soon. Junsu had made his choice, which meant I had no reason to hang around Changmin any longer. I had enjoyed the band; maybe I could talk to Heechul to prematurely terminate my record

deal. The thought dampened my mood even more. Fighting with Changmin was a helpful anger outlet. He was...amusing. Aside from anger management issues, he was a good guy. A talented musician. A caring brother - well, in a sense. I chuckled to myself. At the

brink of farewell, the "hatred" I had harbored for him seemed inconsequential like soap bubbles.

Yuri opened the gate for us and upon seeing Junsu burst into hysteric tears.

"Junsu-sshi! Why didn't you die? I mean, you didn't die! Heath Ledger did! NOOOO!!!" We had to leave her outside to cool down. I dragged my feet behind Junsu, who abruptly

stopped at the door the moment he opened it. I craned my neck to peer over his shoulders. Changmin was holding Ri In's chin in his hand, his lips pressing on hers.

He was... Was...

KISSING HER?

Junsu stood transfixed, his face getting redder and redder by the second. Ri In had noticed us and immediately tore herself away from Changmin. As she hurriedly wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands, I saw tears and make-up smeared horribly around her eyes.

"Oppa, it's not what you think," Ri In pleaded in her trembling voice. "We need to talk," Junsu said, the veins on his temples pulsing.

"There's nothing to talk," Changmin barked. "She had nothing to do with it. It was me." "I'm not talking to you," Junsu regarded him coldly.

Ri In looked from me to Junsu. "Oppa, why...why are you with Taeyeon? I thought you were visiting some friend in Busan?"

"It's...it's just..." he faltered.

"Huh, not so dignified anymore?" Changmin scoffed. "Who do you think you are? Run your ass off somewhere with this girl and leave Ri In like this?"

"That's no reason for you to kiss her," Junsu glared straight at Changmin.

Changmin opened his mouth, but Ri In put her hand on his arm to stop him. "Junsu oppa, I told you it's not like that. And Taeyeon," she turned to me, "maybe you can tell us why you are here?"

Her voice contained no malice, but I could feel the anger. "I..."

"There's no use in asking her. She'll probably lie," said Changmin scathingly. "Don't talk to her like that," Junsu's face hardened.

"Junsu oppa..."

"Oh, who are you? Her bodyguard?"

"Changmin oppa..."

Then they started all speaking, Changmin and Junsu squabbling back and forth while Ri In desperately trying to interrupt. It was like watching one of those soap opera shows where everybody was talking all at once and surprisingly they could all hear each other while the audience couldn't. God, it hadn't been this noisy since I left the orphanage.

"Hey," I coughed.

"DON'T BUTT IN!" They barked at me in unison. And resumed arguing. What the fuck?

"CHILDREN!" I hollered, hands on my hips the way I did every time the kids fight. "Shut the fuck up!"

They all jumped and stared at me. I nodded satisfactorily, "Good. Now, Ri In," I regarded her solemnly, "Junsu made a promise to me that he forgot, and I just wanted to know if he would keep it. He wouldn't, because he chooses you. There's nothing between us, and if you don't trust me, well, I don't care. And you," I glowered at Changmin, "exceptionally outstanding pain in the ass, I'm gonna pretend that I actually give a crap about your insult and run off crying. So I'm a liar, but you know what? I'm honest with my feelings. Congratulations on finally admitting your love after a million years. Did you just get new testicles or something? Where's the guts from? Not that I care. I'm out of here. Bye."

I turned on my heels and walked briskly out of the door. A host of emotions ran through me as I strode quickly down the road. It was not at all the ending I had been imagining. No flowers for liars, they say.

...okay, I made that up. But still.

A sound of footsteps looming from behind snapped me out of my trance. My heart raced faster and faster as the person drew closer and closer. Could it be...

"Changmin?" I turned around to find him in front of me, breathing fast from the jog. "Hey, what happened? You alright? I can take you home," he asked, the scathing

expression gone.

Am I? I wasn't sure. The stone on my chest was so heavy I wanted to cry, yet there was little will left in me even to shed a single tear. I shook my head.

"That's suspiciously very nice of you, but no thanks."

"Yah," he grabbed my arm, "You only got dumped. Don't look like you're about to die!"

"Oh, that helps a lot. Thanks. Go away." "Let's go," he started pulling me.

"Yah!" I struggled to yank my arm out of his hand. "Go away! I'm alright!" "You never insulted me so much before, you are NOT alright," he spat back. "I'm alright, you son of a bitch!"

"I hate my mom too, don't worry." Oh.

It never occurred to me that this particular insult is very degrading to women. You're not insulting the person - you're bashing his mom! Tch, totally anti-feminism.

...and where was I?

Turned out while I was contemplating the serious and important concept of feminism and female dogs, Changmin had successfully threw me into his car and drove me home. I yelped in protest but he ignored me. Eventually I settled into silence and...ignored him back. We were...uh, ignoring each other.

"Thanks," he muttered as the car pulled off in front of my house. "For letting Junsu and

Ri In be together."

"You're very welcome. Thanks for ruining my efforts, too," I said flatly.

"It was an impulsive thing," he groaned loudly, slamming his hand on the wheel. "Of course."

"Why wouldn't you believe me?" he shouted huffily, causing me to jump in surprise. Why would he care if I didn't believe him? That just made no sense. I mumbled goodnight and pushed open the door, but Changmin had locked it.

"If you wanna cry, go ahead," he grunted. "The car is soundproof. Better here than sobbing in your room and disturb other people."

"I told you I'm alright!"

He smirked. I thumped the doorknob angrily, until he gave up and let me go. "Remember we're still meeting my mom tomorrow," he said as I was getting out of the

car. "I'll tell her we're not meeting in our house. Be ready before 6, I'll pick you up." "Hey..." I protested, but he had driven off. Assface! Jerkface! Buttface! Hot face!

Well, he is. Not butt. Hot, I meant. I felt odd. Was I feeling...what, touched? He seemed to care...about me. I stood watching until his car was completely out of sight, wondering what kind of drama was waiting for him at home.

Sighing exasperatedly, I rushed into the house, yearning to see Jaejoong. For no reason at all I believed that as long as I saw him, everything would be alright. The world might be in chaos, but if Kim Jaejoong is there, at least the ten feet around him should be protected by his fangirls.

"Jae...e...e..." My excited shout was chopped into fragments of the vowel "eh" when I

saw what was in the tiny space called "the living room." Tiffany. Sitting, no, leaning on Jaejoong. Giggling.

"Hi Taeyeon," said Tiffany cheerfully, though her cheerful expression seemed to be a veil rather than the usual beaming one.

Jaejoong looked up. His expression was worse - cold and unaffected. "What's up?" "No, nothing." I feigned a smile and scrambled to my room. The apartment was so

shabby that I could still hear everything on the other side of the wall, despite the closed door.

"Jaejoong-sshi, I think I have cancer."...what? Was that why she looked so restrained? "Jesus. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, my nose bled this morning after I fell down the stairs. It bled exactly the way

Song Hye Kyo's did in "Autumn Tale". " I think I should go to bed.

"But wasn't that leukemia?"

"Holy Molly, you're right! That's so exciting! "Leukemia" sounds a lot better than cancer! I should tell Changmin oppa! He'll fall in love with me for sure!"

"Er, Tiffany-sshi, actually..."

"I still can't believe that ajumma is meeting Taeyeon tomorrow! She obviously tricked

Changmin oppa into dating her by sle---"

Jaejoong instantly hushed her. Their voices were so quiet that all I could hear was:

"You shouldn't....mumble mumble....because....mumble mumble some more," from Jaejoong, and then "But the recording...mumble mumble very dramatically...no doubt she...mumble mumble. Giggle. Mumble again," from Tiffany.

...Honestly. Why can't they be real women and bitch behind my back instead of next to my room?

The voices died down. It was silent for a while, and I heard them stand up and leave the house. I wanted to tell Jaejoong to stay. Have a good cry with me, maybe. So I can bury my face in his chest and use his shirt to wipe my snot. And bite him in the arm - he always let me, whenever I was really, really mad or really, really hungry.

I guess Jaejoong can't be there for me all the time. What right do I have to ask him to, anyway?

I turned off the light. The house was quiet, enveloped in blind darkness. I waited for Jae;

hours and hours seemed to pass and yet he never returned.

When the clock hand pointed to six and the sun began to peel off the velvet sky, I dove my head into the cushion.

And let the tears flow.

...

I woke up when it was almost noon. Jaejoong was still nowhere to be found. I chewed lazily on my brunch, feeling extremely guilty and not the least angry. Those times when I simply disappeared without a call, Jaejoong must have felt horrible waiting like this.

I never knew.

For the whole day, I lolled around in my room, rolling from one side of the bed to the other. Immensely depressed. I wanted to feel some physical pain, so that I could numb this constant ache in my heart. Should do something drastic - like stabbing self or something.

But then the knife was in the kitchen. I was too lazy to go.

At some point, the landlady who lived next door knocked on the door and scolded me for keeping a dog, since in the contract no pet was allowed. "I don't have any dog!" I exclaimed, but she swore she heard a dog yelping at six in the morning.

Told you the wall was thin.

Changmin called after noon telling me to get ready before seven. To avoid being late - I have chronic Being Late disorder - I dressed up an hour in advance and went downstairs to wait for him. But I realized I forgot my backpack, so I went up to get it. But then, who brings a backpack to a restaurant? I don't want to look too hobo. So I went up again to put it away. When I went down again, I couldn't find my keys anywhere, so I had to ask the landlady to open the door and find it.

...and so it was 7:15. WHY?

Luckily, Changmin called again. He was being held up in a traffic jam, so I decided just to wait in front of the gate. As I was skipping idly around, a group of young men in black suit, wearing black glasses approached me. They looked so rigid, as if just coming out of "Men Suddenly In Black." I mean, who wears BLACK under the scorching SUMMER sun? Though it was the evening already, I could tell they had been caked in this suit for the whole day.

One guy drew out a picture, eyeballed me for a good minute. Creep. "Kang In," he signaled to the stocky, bald guy next to him. "That's her." Kang In nodded like a robot, and beckoned to another guy. Together, they...

...MUFFLED MY MOUTH WITH CLOTH AND DRAGGED ME AWAY?!? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Taeyeon's diary]

03.02.03

Just read Bridget Jone's Diary today! Thought I should start a diary so that I can sell it later, in case I become a celeb. If not, will recycle it. ...paper IS recyclable right???

...

03.07.03

Just read The Princess' Diaries today! Plan to write own diary in series, just like Mia.

...

03.08.03

It's so exciting today! I had so much fun! First, Jaejoong OH DINNER! Gotta go, bye diary! Brb to edit.

...

03.09.03

Forgot to edit previous entry. Meh. Today it's really sunny.

Goodnight.

...

03.30.03

I'm sorry, diary. Ran out of paper to use for class. Will have to use yours. I'm just not destined to write diaries.

Rest in peace. [End]

Enjoy.

16.

So, I was like, in a car.

On my left was a man I didn't know.

On my right was also a man I didn't know.

In front of me were two men who, well, I HAD NEVER BEFORE SEEN IN MY LIFE. Basically, I was kidnapped. Did I owe someone money? Steal anyone's food?

Is my life made of WTF, or what?

The situation isn't that bad, if you ask me. They gagged me already, so I couldn't bite them. They also tied my hands, which meant no slapping and attacking on my part. Yay for world peace! And since I couldn't scream, I had time to slip into deep thoughts, which led me to conclude that this might be similar to Hana Yori Dango the drama, when Tsukushi was dragged to Tsukasa's house and got a thorough makeover. You know, when they just sort of stripped off her clothes and rubbed her skin like a pig?

After a short while, the car came to a halt and Kangin and whoever pulled me out. We were at a traditional looking building mimicking those mansions from the Choseon era, except it was a restaurant aptly named "Dae Jang Geum". Two women in red and black hanbok greeted us at the gate, and after some shady whispering from Kangin, one of them smilingly led us to a private room with a low table and cushions to sit on. Kangin slid the door - made of wood and paper - to reveal a man waiting inside, his back to us. The head looked oddly familiar...

"She's here," Kangin said in a low, unnecessarily dramatic voice. The man stood up to face us.

Surprise! It was Matsumoto Jun!

...NOT.

"MMMMMM!!!" was my muffled shout, translated as: CHANGMIN YOU JERK! That's right, it was him, unless he was knocked over by a car and lost his memory and

now thought he was Bae Yong Joon or something.

He looked just as shocked. "Hyung," he gestured at Kangin, "why...why is she like this?" "Sir," Kanging rigidly nodded. "You..."

"Hyung!" Changmin interrupted. "You're saying "sir" again."

"Sorry, sir," Kanging nodded again. "Sir, I just followed your order. You told us to take her here. You also told us she sometimes doesn't understand logic, so we thought we should just save time and take her here without explaining."

Changmin took a deep breath as if to calm down, untied the rope around my wrists and freed my mouth from the cloth.

"What was that about?" I asked huffily.

He shrugged. "Like I told you, I was stuck in traffic jam, so I asked Kangin hyung to come pick you up. Don't mind him. He's in charge of security at my mom's company, so he's a little...you know, violent."

"Thank you very much," I grinned amiably at Kangin. "That was the friendliest escort ever."

He bowed, his face serious. "You're welcome, Miss."

...for real.

Kangin and co. then excused themselves, though Changmin insisted that they stay and have dinner. Apparently the writer's strike is over and a new episode of Desperate Housewives was airing soon. They didn't want to miss it.

"Don't be nervous," Changmin said as I sat down next to him. "She doesn't bite." "Your dog?"

"My mom."

I sighed. I didn't want to have anything to do with this family anymore, but I didn't want to go back on my words either. We had agreed to the pretense, I might as well help him get out of the marriage arrangement with Tiffany. It should be a good outcome for her as well - living with him would be miserable if they weren't in love.

But something felt incredibly wrong.

"How many fingers do I have?" I put up three fingers.

"What?"

"Just want to make sure you're alright," I tutted. "You've been too nice to me lately. Are you sure you're not hallucinating me as Ri In?"

"YAH!" He squawked, his face cranberry red. "Nice...nice what? It's only because you...you are helping me!"

I cocked an eyebrow, but said no more. Why did he get so flustered? Something smelled fishy here.

...like the sushi in the menu! They looked so gorgeous that I forgot all about Changmin and kept ogling the colorful pictures. Maybe I should order all of them! It wasn't everyday that I got to eat at such a luxurious restaurant, and it's universally known that Kim Taeyeon doesn't have any mercy for food.

"Taeyeon, Taeyeon," Changmin nudged me urgently. "Stand up!"

"...Huh?" I asked absently, my eyes still fixed on the menu. Changmin pulled my elbow, trying to get me up but I lost balance and fell lying on the floor, my nose touching someone's feet...

Wa, nice feet. Or nice stockings, must I say.

I looked up and immediately crawled away when I realized it was Mrs.Jang. She had donned a dark blue wrap dress that was just formal enough for the restaurant, but casual enough to let us know she didn't spend more than half an hour on the outfit. We greeted each other and ordered food. As soon as the girl in pink hanbok slid the door close, Mrs.Jang looked from me to Changmin, pausing long enough at each with her sharp eyes. From the calm vibe of her gaze, somehow I got the feeling she knew everything.

"How long have you been dating?" she asked. "Two weeks," Changmin quickly replied.

"And you're telling me you'd rather be with her than someone you've known for almost all your life?" she regarded Changmin sternly.

"Please don't worry, Mrs.Jang, he still loves you," I chimed in for rescue. Changmin coughed and leaned over to whisper in my ears. "She meant Tiffany." Turning back to his mom, he said coldly. "Mom, that's exactly my point. All these years

and you still can't see that Tiffany and I will never work out? She's annoying." Mrs.Jang folded her hands on her lap, looking indignant. "I don't see anything wrong

with her. She's pretty, has a good family, and likes you a lot. Moreover..." she glanced at me, "you can't base your judgment on a two-week relationship."

"Why not?" Changmin retorted. "I like Taeyeon. She's funny, sometimes stupid, but cute."

My mouth hung open. I stared at him with all the surprise my eyes could muster. I mean, did he just compliment me? Wasn't it only a month ago that he would blush like mad and say that I had good violin skills in a very elusive way? He was probably just pretending now, but it still felt as astonishing as Voldermort suddenly turning gay and falling in love with Harry.

"Oppa, are you sure she's that great?"

The door slide open, and Tiffany sashayed in as if it were her bedroom...in her nightgown. Okay, she wasn't exactly wearing a nightgown, but a draped silver-grey top with leggings. To me it's the same as wearing a shirt without pants, which you can only do when you go to bed. Whenever I see someone wear leggings, I always expect to see their underwear as well.

She settled down next to Mrs.Jang, opposite me and Changmin. He glared at her, while

Mrs. Jang pleasantly asked her why she was here.

"Auntie," she beamed, "I'm sorry to intrude, but I just thought before you and Changmin oppa make any decision, you should see this."

She took out a tiny portable DVD player and inserted a disk in an exaggeratedly slow manner. Changmin and I exchanged a puzzled look. She made it seem so scandalous. Could it be a clip of that time I was reading tabloids while pooping in the toilet?

"This..." I gasped as soon as the clip started. Changmin frowned in discomfort, while

Mrs.Jang tried to suppress a cry.

It was the morning when Junsu visited me when I was sick. Our whole conversation played on the screen like a dramatic movie, and the scene continued until Ri In and Changmin came into the room. Hidden microphones might have been placed in the four corners of the wall, for when Changmin pulled me into a corner to discuss our impromptu plan, our words boomed through the speakers, as clear as crystal.

"You spied on us?" Changmin pounded the table, nearly knocking down his teacup. Tiffany pouted. "I don't do such despicable things, oppa! Remember, that day I had the

TV crew over? They planted camera in the room so that they didn't disturb her while filming me taking care of her. They couldn't remove the device until after she left, so it was...well, an accident?"

Right then, the waitress came back with three trays of sushi. I felt my stomach lurching with conflicting emotions. I glanced from Mrs.Jang to the food, feeling scared one second and hungry the next. The murderous air surrounding her told me I was about to end up

like those fish slices.

"Mrs.Jang, please let me explain," I said hastily.

"I'd say we order more food for me," Tiffany smilingly opened the menu, "finish this dinner, and find a new wedding planner for Ri In tomorrow."

"Tiffany my dear," Mrs.Jang gently put her hand on Tiffany's shoulder. "I need to talk to Ms.Kim in private. Why don't you and Changmin go to another room and have dinner there?"

"Mom, I'm not going anywhere!" Changmin protested.

Mrs.Jang smiled in that I-hear-you-but-my-decision-is-final kind of way. I turned to Changmin. "Just go. I'll catch you later."

"You can't..."

"Hey, I'm doing you a favor here. Won't you listen to me once?"

He gritted his teeth and grudgingly followed Tiffany out. I took a deep breath and looked straight into Mrs. Jang's eyes.

"I'm listening, ma'am."

She sipped at her tea, her eyebrows puckering vaguely. "First, you should know that I have nothing against you, except your wrinkled shirt collar, but what you did is hardly forgivable. You are sabotaging Junsu's future."

"I'm really sorry," I said earnestly. "But there's nothing to worry about, Junsu is going to marry Ri In, and I will try to find another wedding planner for you."

She smiled, observing me curiously. "You don't have to. The wedding is only a week away, I don't want anymore hassle. Considering that you've been faking from the beginning, I must say you did a good job at getting all the preparation together."

...My life is made of W, T, and F. I must have looked like an utter idiot gagging and gaping all the time since those Men Desperately In Black showed up at my apartment. It made sense, nonetheless. That we could easily fool a shrewd businesswoman like her was too good to be true.

"You know I wasn't a wedding planner all along?"

She nodded. "Then why...?"

"Sister Moon and I have been friends for a long time," she said. "She told me you're a good kid. And Ri In seemed to like you. I just thought I would let you try for a few days, but you and your friend worked hard. I guess I underestimated your impact on my son. Junsu and Ri In's relationship has always been strong. I didn't foresee that he would waver for you."

I lowered my head, fully embarrassed. It was horrible to merely think that I had been the fool from the very start, so convinced that I had her figured out. I just wanted this talk to be over.

I mean, I was hungry. It's not good to let raw fish sit on the table for too long, you know. It was also painful having to go through this "Junsu and Ri In will definitely get married"

persuasion game again. As if I didn't know it enough.

"Don't look so disappointed," Mrs.Jang spoke. Maybe she just looked slightly evil and wasn't truly evil. "Even if Junsu weren't in love with Ri In, you guys can't really be together." Oh, thanks, Madam!

"Why?" I asked, just because. Now what? We can't be together, because he is actually my long lost brother, or better yet, my sex-changed long lost sister?

The knowing, mysterious smile once again played across her lips. "Because forgiveness doesn't come easily."

...

Is it just me or has everybody on the face of Earth have read "The Davinci Code" and started to talk in cryptic language?

First it was Junsu and the Goddamn diary. Now it was his mom and her supposedly meaningful message whose meaning I didn't get. In a nutshell, Junsu and I can't be together, and that's all they would ever let me know.

Not that it mattered now.

Before we left the restaurant, Mrs. Jang carefully warned me: "I adopted Junsu for Ri In, so I will make sure they end up together." Thanks to Changmin's vehement insistence, she let him take me home and told Tiffany to accompany her to go late-night shopping.

"Sorry I couldn't help," I told Changmin when we were in his car.

He waved his hand, gesturing that it was nothing to worry over. He was silent for most of the ride, his face darkened. I couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Also sorry about what I said the other day," I said softly. "I know you have reasons not to confess to Ri In."

He let out a light snort. "Whatever." And I thought his speech improved. "Are you pitying me?"

I shifted sideways to look at him. "Trick question: which one is easier - stopping the war in Iraq, or YOU not being a diva? Come on, we could have been friends."

Changmin's face relaxed a little. He stayed silent for a while before finally speaking.

"It has always been Junsu. He can cheer her up, make her stop crying, and all that crap. I was there, but totally useless. So what if I told her I loved her? What would it do? Make her feel guilty?"

I twisted the seatbelt in my hands. I never took Jae's love seriously enough to agonize over it, but looking back, it was hard to imagine what he must have felt just waiting on the side for me to get over my Junsu fantasy. Then there was Junsu. Perhaps what I said to him put him in more distress than I thought.

"So...what are you gonna do now?" I asked.

"Be happy for her, what else?" he said, half joking. He was not that unpleasant when he didn't talk crap.

"No," I smiled. "I mean, about Tiffany."

His face was getting redder and redder, and the funny thing was, I could see the color rise from his neck to his cheek. Oddly adorable.

"Say," he took a quick glance at me, and turned away to gaze intently at the rear-view mirror. "Do you want to go out with me for real?"

... "What did you say?" "Go out with me." Silence.

... "...Oh, look, there's a house!" I exclaimed, pointing out of the window. "It has a door, how fascinating! Oh, and there's a window too. Can you see? Behind the house there is a...garden, awesome! In the garden there's..."

"YAH!" he snapped. "If you wanna say no, go ahead!"

"Don't go around asking random people to be your rebound!" I snapped back. "I do not!"

"Oh," I snapped...my fingers, "so like, two days ago you realized that being a jerk to me is boring and wanted to date me instead? No offense, but I don't socialize with boys who PMS."

"You're really stupid." "So's your face!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" "So's your face!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!...Wait, NOT FINE. Stop the car, I want to get off." "Why? I'm not gonna do anything. You're not rape material."

Why did it feel like an insult? God, did I just stop being feminist? I mean, I am occasionally passionate about women's equality, like men should really get pregnant and menstruation and all...

It was almost home anyway, so I leaned back on my seat with a jump (and hit my head, but I swallowed back tears of pain. I'm a strong girl! Yes! Like other Korean strong girls, I must behave like a brat and annoy the heck out of my opponent!). When the car pulled off in front of my house, I stomped out and slammed the door close. Hah! There! In your face!

"Can't you close a door properly?" I heard Changmin's voice from inside the car.

...Turned out I slammed the door too hard it bounced back and was now wide open. I grunted and slammed the door again. Changmin drove off without saying bye.

Seriously, this guy has problems. Did he really think because he's hot, girls would crawl on the floor while singing "I'm a, slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave for youuuu" in that whiny Britney voice?

When I came upstairs, Jaejoong was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, his eyes closed, in the manner of Dalai Lama meditating in front of that...tree...long ago. I tiptoed carefully and sat down opposite him. He was so beautiful I wanted to flatten him like a

pancake and paste him on a canvas. Then I would have the world's most stunning portrait and can sell it to the Louvre's to become a millionaire...

"Taeyeon?" His long eyelashes fluttered open. He blinked dreamily as I flashed a toothy grin his way. "Back already?"

"Yeah," I felt slightly odd. He asked as though he knew where I was. But I had decided to be honest with him and tell him everything. Maybe it was time to settle our feelings as well. "Jae, there's something I want to tell you..."

"Oh yeah? I also need to tell you something," he said offhandedly.

My heart started to knock its stupid self against my ribcage. His attitude had been weird lately, I had expected this talk to happen. It was nerve-racking all the same. "It's alright," I reassured myself. The worst that could happen is him announcing that he got Tiffany pregnant and was going to marry her, which...wasn't that bad, from Changmin's point of view.

After all...happiness is relative - it's the rule of the game. "You go first," I smiled at him awkwardly.

"Okay," he withdrew from his bag a tape recorder, and pressed play.

"So...err...you and Changmin...um..." "We...we went to a concert."

I widened my eyes at Jaejoong. It was the conversation between me and Junsu the night after my first performance at Dark Lord, the night Changmin vomited on me.

Where the hell...? How the heck...?

"Did it...err...go on for the whole night?"

The tape played on. I could hear Changmin enter the kitchen and his gruff voice bantering with me. I gasped. That line...

"Whatever. Anyway...you were pretty good last night. We should do it again."

It was that dreadful, easy to misunderstand joke Changmin played on me. Junsu's voice sounded shaky on the recording, when he was asking us what we did for the whole night.

"You know, stuff. Gonna take a nap. Tae Yeon got me exhausted last night."

"Jaejoong, it's not like that at all!" I panicked. "Where did you get this?"

"Tiffany," he composedly replied. That explained the whispering last night. "I don't know how she got it, and I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just trying to make a point. I'm tired, Taeyeon-ah."

"Of...of what?" I croaked.

"Of trying. For nearly ten years, I was content with having a rival who wasn't even there. I was fine with you being in denial and labeling me gay, because I always hoped. I

believe in falling in love with a person, not an idea, Taeyeon-ah. I thought after you saw the current Kim Junsu, you'd know that for ten years you were in love with a 11 year old Junsu, who doesn't exist anymore."

"We..."

"You didn't, and I thought, as long as you were happy, I was. But I'm not a saint. If you had told me what you'd been up to with Changmin, maybe I could have been a little less jealous."

"I...I..." I stammered, unable to find any excuse. You're guilty as charged, Kim Taeyeon. "From now on, you don't have to worry about me anymore," he stood up and breathed in

deeply, his eyes so cold I could feel the ice in them glinting. "You're free."

...

Jaejoong left and didn't return for the whole night, just like yesterday. I cursed myself for not chasing after him, but even if I had, what would I do? Say that I'm sorry, I've been an inconsiderate bitch for nearly ten years?

"Sorry" is too easy for the lips. What has been done can never be undone.

I dragged myself to the bakery. It was the cake testing day. I greeted Donghae, the handsome baker, half-heartedly. He looked disappointedly surprised at my lack of enthusiasm, and with good reasons. The cake looked striking - three layers in creamy white, decorated with blue and purple hand-drawn flowers. It tasted wonderful, too - or at least I imagined so. Everything going in my mouth today was bitter and sour, nothing more, nothing less.

"Ah, you're here! Taeyeon" a cheery voice made me turn. It was Yuri. She came to drive home the dessert for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow.

Oh crap, the rehearsal's tomorrow! I slapped my forehead in anger. There was so much to do, and I totally forgot. I'm so screwed, I mumbled.

Donghae and his colleagues brought out boxes of pastries and stacked them in Ri In's car,

which Yuri had parked on the other side of the street. "Is that everything?" Yuri asked.

"Uh huh," I answered absently, my mind occupied by what had happened last night. Changmin, Changmin's mom, Jaejoong...Argh! I felt as if steam was hissing from my head. I wish I had Intel chips. It made thinking so much faster.

...Potato chips would be fine, too. I'm not picky.

Yuri's voice went from my left ear to my right one. I nodded occasionally to pretend that I was listening, though I had no idea what she was talking about. I think there was something about a dress...? When people small-talk they expect you to give polite compliments, so I simple added "that's nice," "that's awesome" whenever she seemed to pause between sentences.

"...so that's how Ri In's dad and my father died ."

"That sounds awesome," I said. Wait, what was she saying?

Yuri gave me an odd look, which I could only grinned off. She dug her hand into her purse and gave me a small, black leather-covered notebook.

It was the diary Junsu found at the orphanage.

"I found it dropped in the house yesterday," Yuri explained. "I didn't know whose it was, so I had to read a bit. Is it yours? It seems to be written...to you."

"N---" I stopped myself. This is my chance to unravel the secret, and I was not going to miss it. "Yes, thank you, Yuri."

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow!" she waved me goodbye.

As soon as she walked out of the door, I rushed to a corner and opened the diary. My heart was beating so fast I could hardly breathe.

It stopped when I read the first line.

From: Park Yoochun

To: Kim Taeyeon

17.

From: Park Yoochun

To: Kim Taeyeon

09.10.96

You're an idiot. Kim Taeyeon, why are you so stupid?

Argh, why do I even write this diary? It's so gay I wanna slap myself.

But there's no other way. I can't tell you. I can't tell Junsu. I'll go insane.

Maybe someday I will give this diary to you and shoot myself in the face. Or maybe I

should just burn it. See what you did to me? I've turned emo before I turned 16!

You looked really pretty today with your hair tied up in a ponytail like that. I wanted to say something nice, but for some reason, when you poked your head into our classroom and called "Junsu! Junsu!", I knocked you on the head and teased you for being short. I couldn't help it.

You probably hate me. That's good, I guess. Then there won't be any drama between us. Junsu likes you. You like Junsu. I like you.

It's sort of complicated.

But no one needs to know that.

17.10.96

The way you look at Junsu...can't you just look at me like that, for once?

He always laughs the most when he's with you. I want to say that I'm happy for you both. But I can't.

I'm not there yet.

29.10.96

No one made me laugh like you do.

No one can make me feel this gay, having to write a diary, but you. It's fall already, why do you keep forgetting your coat at home? And you really thought some fairy left it on your desk for you? Babo.

But, what can I do? I don't even feel stupid for liking you anymore.

Kim Taeyeon, someday I should really make you pay for this.

How can someone feel utterly miserable and extremely happy at once?

My legs shook. I dropped myself on a chair, my mouth hung open, flabbergasted. Donghae rushed to my side, concerned.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm...fine," I stuttered. "Donghae-sshi, can I get some water please?"

The baker nodded and scurried away. I flipped through the pages, hoping it was all a lie. This diary must be fake. How could....how could Micky have liked me? We always fought like cats and dogs, or rather, like Tom and Jerry, except we weren't sadistic enough to beat each other up.

...Come to think of it, I always believed Tom was madly in love with Jerry.

I closed my eyes an rubbed my temples slowly. Memories of the past came flooding back, and to my horror, the signs had been there. It was me who never dared to admit it. The way he looked at me. The way he always, always picked a fight. If it wasn't his way of basking me in his attention, then he must have had a fetish for weird-looking faces like mine. I stroked the cover of the diary, tempted to read on, at the same time afraid. I felt out of breath just thinking of how much he was hurting, all those years.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the diary again. If Junsu was so determined to hide it from me, there must be something in it I should know. My phone suddenly vibrated, causing

me to twitch as if getting an electric shock. Donghae came out from the kitchen and looked at me oddly.

"Hello?"

"You fucking idiot get away from me oh hi Taeyeon!" U-Know squeaked. "Can you come and get Jaejoong home? He's been drinking at our place since last night."

"How's he?"

I stood up with a start, somehow feeling relieved that he didn't stay with some random girl. Jaejoong rarely drinks, but when he does, he has horrible drinking habits. Like...

"Yah you nasty bitch!"...um? "Don't grab my butt!"...ummmmm? "Kim Jaejoong, I swear...oh sorry Taeyeon, yeah, you know, as usual. All of my employees ran off because he started hugging and kissing them, now there's only me left fending him off. Come, now! Save me! I'm still a virgin!"

...why he told me that, I didn't want to know.

He hurriedly hung up, probably to have one more hand to push Jaejoong away. I shoved the diary into my backpack and dashed out of the shop, leaving the poor Donghae smiling perplexedly with the glass of water in his hands.

Micky was gone, and there was nothing I could fix. But Jaejoong... My mistakes could still be amended.

...

Scratch that...I changed my mind.

The moment I entered Dark Lord, my jaw dropped at the vaguely pornographic scene in front of me. Jaejoong was straddling a face-down U-Know, who was wiggling miserably like a caught fish. Maybe I should just let them date and leave the job of healing Jaejoong's heart to U-Know. It's so much easier for Jaejoong to date a man like U-Know: all the girls who chase after him would be too busy swooning over U-Know to get jealous.

"Hi, Taeyeon!" Jaejoong waved at me enthusiastically.

I pulled him off U-Know by the gruff of his neck. U-Know scrambled up and gasped for air.

"The other day he only slept over," he threw Jaejoong a traumatized, possibly hateful, glance. "Last night he drank like there's no tomorrow. What happened?"

I feigned a smile. "He had...food poison. So he drank to...err...vomit it out."

U-Know paused to think why that didn't sound implausible and stupid at all. "I see," he said agreeably. Oh God. "Gotta go. He's all yours now."

I mercilessly pushed Jaejoong onto a couch and wiped his face with a wet towel. It was hard work, since I kept being distracted by his impeccable skin. Ah, this is really even smoother than cream cheese! Poke, poke...

"What are you doing?" he suddenly chuckled, his eyes still closed.

I stuck out my tongue guiltily, quickly withdrawing my finger, but he had caught my hand and pressed it on his chest.

"Are you really here? If I open my eyes, there won't be smoke surrounding you, and you won't look at me wistfully and say it's a dream, right?"

I said nothing and patted his chest. He squeezed my hand tighter, at the same time

squeezing my heart. Why didn't I see this before? The sadness etched in the corner of his lips despite the thousand smiles he gave me; the melancholy dampening his voice despite the million sweet words like sugar he poured on me.

For ten years, I saw nothing, nothing at all.

"How ironic," Jaejoong laughed faintly. "Did you know I had always dreamed of this scene? I would come home, and you would hand me a wet towel, lovingly wipe my face, asking me how my day was. Then I would say something mushy and maybe kiss your cheeks saying that my day was bad, but now that I see you, it's not so bad anymore."

I trailed his jaw line with the towel and asked quietly. "Do you think I have been blind and stupid for all these years?"

He opened his eyes and smiled at me with surprise. "Do you think I have been even more stupid for all these years?"

I tittered, throwing the towel over his face so that he couldn't see the tears lurking in the corner of my eyes.

"Baby, don't feel guilty," said Jaejoong in his muffled voice. "My heart was too busy beating for you, it didn't have time to regret. I was happy, Taeyeon-ah, happy even when I was most miserable."

A pang pounded in my chest. He said exactly the same thing as Micky.

"Say, what if..." I wobbled through my words, "what if I make your dream come true?" Jaejoong pulled the towel down and looked at me pensively. I could feel my cheeks

burning. Was I too ambiguous? I blurted out "I love you" to Junsu back then with such ease, but why was this confession to Jaejoong so difficult? Did I phrase it the wrong way? Why did I sound like such a hooker? You know, the kind that approaches men and whispers sexily in their ears, "what if I make all your fantasies come true?", and by "fantasies" of course they weren't talking about Walt Disney-ish fantasies.

After what seemed like "The Godfather," "The Godfather Part II," and "The Godfather

Part III" combined, he still said nothing. I shifted uncomfortably on my seat.

"Um, Jae, this is the part where you look at me scornfully and say that you only want me to be your girlfriend on my own will, so on and so forth."

"And this is the part where you deny that you're taking pity on me and insist that you'll make me happy, at last," Jaejoong nodded smilingly.

"Cue music with lots of violin and piano sound," I grinned.

We both laughed. It had been like this since forever - neither of us had enough emo- energy to be awkward around each other for too long. It was as if he had never said he had stopped loving me, and even if he did in actuality, we would still go swimming together - I would wear a one-piece bathing suit that has a low neck and he would

comment that it reveals the right part of my body with his deadpan face. We would bet on dinners which girl at his school will confess to him next - a little cruel and childish, admittedly, but when it happens on a daily basis you are bound to be mildly callous.

He had become a part of me, the family I never had. And you don't hurt your family. Ever.

I flung off my slippers, and lay down on my side next to Jaejoong, my head on his arm, my back to him, keeping a short distance between us. On school trips, when the ride was long and wearisome, Jaejoong would always lend me his shoulders. Despite the frail frame of his lanky body, his muscles were toned, and his arms robust. His collarbones were nowhere as soft as a pillow, but the steady rise and fall of his breathing was so comforting I never had trouble falling asleep.

Jaejoong started singing ever so softly, his hand patting my back in slow rhythm like a mother lulling a child to sleep. It was a melody we both knew well, by heart and by soul.

It had to be you, it had to be you

I wandered around, and finally found, the somebody who

Could make me be true, and could make me be blue And even be glad, just to be sad, thinking of you Some others I've seen, might never be mean

Might never be cross, or try to be boss, but they wouldn't do

For nobody else, gave me the thrill - with all your faults, I love you still

It had to be you, wonderful you

It had to be you

When Jaejoong trilled the last notes and left them vibrate in our memory, I may have thought of Junsu. I may have, in my lucid dreams, packed the years with and without him into a crystal ball, and let the sound of his name fly away from my lips. I may have seen a wedding, and a pretty bride in a pink-blushed white dress.

I may have cried, ever so quietly.

...

There are many ways to screw up your life. For example: One, being in love with a soon-to-be-married guy.

Two, being asked out by the brother of the girl who is about to marry the guy you love.

Three, being seen sleeping in the same bed, or in my case, couch, with your best friend by the best friend of all gossip queens, Oh U-Know.

U-Know came back to Dark Lord and screeched in his highest pitch as he saw me curling next to Jaejoong, both of us fast asleep and APPARENTLY FULLY CLOTHED. When he had managed to wake us up with his unmanly high-pitched yelling, he kept wailing about how we had tainted Dark Lord's image by doing stuff on his couch.

"...not only that. Whenever my girlfriend and I stay after the club is close for a romantic dance in the dark, I will forever be haunted by the thought that you guys had...had sex on this couch," Oh God, Jaejoong exclaimed, trying to interrupt, in vain, "and then I'll get nervous, and then my girlfriend will think that I don't like her, and then she will break up with me...My life will be so...tragiiiiiiiiiic..."

"WE DID NOT HAVE....URG WHATEVER YOU THINK WE HAVE!" I hollered. "And unless you fall madly in love with a beautiful girl who then turns out to be your long lost sister and has cancer, your life can't be more tragic than mine!"

U-Know stared at me in shock, his mouth freezing in the shape of a big O. His eyes started to get misty, his lips trembling, and he tore away from me to storm out of the room. Jaejoong stifled a sigh and related to me U-Know's story: a week ago he started dating Jessica - I guess they met at the concert - but then found out he was her father's son, and his real name was Jung Yunho. Apparently his mom loathed his father, who deserted her when she got pregnant, so much that she gave him the name Yoosuk as a token of revenge.

Why does it feel weird to realize I have more sympathy for Korean dramas?

Not only the U-Know, Yunho, Yoosuk (I need to tell him that sometime: You know, Yunho, you suck!) story, but the whole being-with-the-one-who-loves-you-rather-than- the-one-you-love crap that I used to detest in drama actually makes sense, somehow. Humans can use some simplicity, you know? Cats don't stay with the one they love - i.e, another cat (of the opposite sex; I don't think homosexuality works in their case). They

stay with the one who loves them, that is, a human. The reason is simple: food. Why can't humans be like cats? We are always so complicated that we don't even realize that we're complicated. That's just too complicated for any complicated word to convey.

That being said, I couldn't deny the...complicatedness of my life. Though Jaejoong and I still had to talk things out, I had to run to a recording session and he had to run to the fire escape to find Yoo-err, Yunho. The air felt so stiff when I entered the room, seeing Changmin preparing his instrument. We didn't talk for the whole time, and every time we bumped into each other we would jump as if bitten by red ants. Shindong and Eunhyuk raised their eyebrows at us, while Sungmin just sort of looked thoughtful and wise. By that I mean he gave us occasional smirks and vaguely pissed off glances.

"Great, great! That was awesome!" Standing at the mixing table, Heechul clapped to

signal that he had finished recording. His voice was nasal from the nose surgery. He broke his nose when his favorite niece, Sohee, accidentally pushed him off the stairs because he tried to kiss her.

Changmin hurriedly picked up his stuff and scurried away. Sungmin snorted amusedly at me, "Awkward much? How was the sex?" and gave me a don't-answer-I-know nod. Why did he even ask? Or more like, WHY DID HE ASK SO? Sex with WHOM? Do I really look like a hooker to everybody?

"Taeyeon, come here," Heechul hooked his finger. Please don't tell me he is gonna ask for random sex.

"I wanna ask you two things," he looked at me, serious. "Have you ever thought of going on a tour, and what kind of dress do you think Sohee likes?"

"Err," I was trying to work out what Sohee's dress has to do with a band's tour. "No, and

I don't know."

"What? You've never thought of going on a tour oh look at this catalog how can you not know! You're a girl! See, do you think she'll like this yellow one or red one or a tour is a very good way to promote you guys but I know you have to go to college or maybe white? How about delaying admission and going on tour with us for a while and pick this cute one-piece, but I can't choose the color! What do you think?"

He was a famous producer. The effect of talking on multiple phones at the same time, I

suppose.

"I'll think about it," I said. "And yellow."

"You should really go ah yes yellow seems to work thank you! Changmin will be very happy if you do, so will Sohee!"

"...why?" I'd never met her.

"Oh, I mean she'll be happy about the dress. Anyway, Changmin likes you, right? So. Oh, come on, don't look so surprised! I can just tell from the way he talks to you. Men like to abuse the women they're attracted to!"

That's enlightening.

Seeing that he had flipped to the underwear portion of the catalog, I picked up my violin and ran for my life.

Sucks to be you, Sohee.

...

On the way home, I kept thinking about Heechul's offer. Going on tour was simply too grand an idea, and only because I never dared to think of it. When Eunhyuk told me about Ri In's dreams, about how she wanted her band to become the best female rock gig in Korea, I blushed. My dream sounded so pale in comparison: becoming a school teacher. I love kids, of course, but it was heavily influenced by The Other Big Dream - settling down with Junsu.

When I came back home, Jaejoong and I were too busy contacting the catering people,

the church, and a host of other...people to prepare for tomorrow's rehearsal dinner to have any talk. We received so many phone calls that I came to hate my ring tone - my up-

until-recently favorite song. I used to beam whenever Weird Al Yankovic started fake- sobbing, "...the only question with me now is, do I creep you out, do I creep you out?", but now it just crept me out.

The rehearsal dinner was the most important event after the wedding itself. It was a walk- through of the wedding to make sure everybody knows where they stand, and then the dinner will help the guests to get to know each other better. The real wedding would happen in a big church, so we picked the spacious garden at Ri In's house as the rehearsal place. Around six in the evening, people slowly poured in, mostly close relatives of Ri

In's mom.

Among the guests, I spot Ri In's uncle and aunt, not too different from the pictures I was given. Since Ri In had no one to escort her down the aisle (usually a brother will do the job in the father's absence, but, well, look at her brothers...one of whom was the groom, the other the best man...), her uncle received the honor. As far as I knew, her aunt was her father's only and very dear sister. After his death, she moved with her husband to America, and never returned once, until now. They did not have any kids.

The guests came in exquisite formal clothing, truly the rich's style. The men were proud and proper in suits, while the women are a little more colorful in long or knee-length dresses, with cleavage ranging from G to NC-17. Ri In's aunt stood out the most in her baby blue silk V-neck, draped dress. She must be around 40, yet looked no older than 30, thanks to her petite figure and milky skin.

"Hi, I'm Jang Nara, nice to meet you," she extended her hand to me while Jaejoong led her husband away to show him what to do. I shook her hand and introduced myself, feeling a vague sense of déjà vu. Did I see her somewhere before? There was something so familiar about her face that I could not pinpoint.

"How is Sister Moon doing?" she asked. I gaped - why did everyone seem to know Sister

Moon? Is this some kind of TV show like "Everyone loves Sister Moon" or something?

"She's...she's fine," I stuttered. She smiled and was about to ask me something else, but

Tiffany skipped cheerfully to stand right between us.

"Taeyeonnie!" she chirped. "This ring is too big for even my thumb. Can I wear it on my toe?"

As the Maid of Honor, her duty was to keep the Groom's ring, while Changmin had the Bride's one. Statistics say that of every ten rings misplaced or lost at wedding time, eight have been lost by the Maid of Honor, and I think I know why now.

"Actually, you can't..." I began to explain. She abruptly turned to Ri In's aunt and clapped excitedly.

"Auntie! I recognized you! Except the wrinkles around your eyes, you look exactly like the picture Ri In showed me! Nice to meet you, I'm Tiffany, Ri In's best friend."

Jang Nara reluctantly shook Tiffany's hand. They started a conversation about the U.S., and I stood awkwardly on the side, unable to jump in. After a while, I left for the center stage, where the other bridesmaids - Jessica and Sooyoung, on one side, the groomsmen

- Hankyung and Kangin (apparently Hankyung went to high school with both Ri In and Junsu and was close to Junsu, and I had no idea why Kangin was chosen. Secret security, maybe?), along with Changmin on the other side, are waiting. The Minister, Father Cho Kyuhyun, stood between them, wearing plain clothes and clutching his Bible nervously.

"My child," he said to me - he was really young, and...hot, so it felt really weird hearing him call me so. I know it's only religious, but it prompts me to think of having a young and hot father, which is very wrong, because you should NEVER think of your father as young and hot. "Do you think I should say the "I am required to ask anyone present, who knows a reason why these persons may not lawfully marry to declare it now" part?"

The guy was new at this job.

"You don't have to," I answered reassuringly. "People don't do it anymore. Plus, I'm sure if anyone objects to the wedding they would talk to the bride and groom beforehand."...and achieve nothing.

"But if I don't ask how would we know?" "Ask, then."

"But if I ask what if somebody does object? That'll ruin the wedding, right?" "Then don't ask."

"But if I don't ask..."

"Father," I said patiently. "It's up to you. The happiness of this couple is in your hands. Think wisely."

The guy looked even more terrified.

I rolled my eyes, and instructed the groomsmen and bridesmaid how they would enter the hall for the Processional, and how they would exit for Recessional. Junsu joined us, wearing his black tuxedo, his spiky hair smoothed down, his bangs swept to the side, slightly covering his thick eyebrows. I turned away, cursing myself for still skipping a beat when I saw him.

Just one more week. My heart needed time. Just one more week, and no matter how my heart skipped, it wouldn't mean anything anymore.

"Are you tired?" he asked, handing me a glass of orange juice. "No, not at all," I smiled. "You look really nice today."

"Well, I'm the groom. Shouldn't let anyone be more handsome than me, right?" he said half-jokingly, and as if noticing something about me, his smile froze on his lips, his gaze fixed on me. I did put on some make-up, and dressed nicely in a puff sleeved white mini dress, so presumably I looked nicer than usual, no wonder he was a bit entranced.

"Your..." he motioned over his lips. I didn't understand. So his lips were lush and sexy alright, but what did he possibly mean by...

THUMP.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest when he brushed his fingers under my lower lip. A simple touch from him could have electrocuted me.

"Must have been tasty," he chuckled, holding up his thumb for me to see. It was a tiny spot of mustard and a grain of rice.

Damn! Shouldn't have stolen that piece of sushi.

My face flushing red, I turned away and saw Jaejoong talking to Ri In and her uncle at the spot that would be the end of the aisle, if we were in the church. At the cue of my signal, the bride, in her simple creamy evening gown, hooked arms with her escort and confidently walked towards us. Tiffany had disappeared somewhere, so I had to fill in for her. As Father Cho explained the process to Junsu and Ri In, what they would have to say, and so on, I was constantly on edge, feeling terrified if Jessica or Sooyoung, who stood behind me in a diagonal line, saw what I saw.

Junsu was looking at me, over Ri In's shoulders, the whole time.

...

The dinner went well. I tried to avoid Junsu's eyes as much as possible, busying myself

with hopping from one table to another talking to people and making sure...they had enough food. Hankyung made a surprisingly touching toast to the couple, and Changmin gave him the biggest applause, as if Hankyung just said everything he wanted to say. He seemed to be truly wishing Ri In happiness.

When everybody had left, I pressed my cheek against the wall of the kitchen in tiredness. Jaejoong and Yuri were still outside, waiting for the caterer to leave so that they could check everything. Jaejoong insisted that I went to rest first in the kitchen, since I had been doing too much today. I didn't see Junsu anywhere in the house, so it was safe to sneak

in.

Fiddling around in the room, I wanted to scream out to let out all the stress, but that would make me look like a freak. Instead, I started freak-dancing to Big Bang's "Lie" in my head. I even sang softly along, making up lyrics along the way. "I'm so sorry but I love you, I don't make sense, why am I so stupid, yeah, I'm really stupid..."

"Taeyeon-sshi?" Ri In voice like a bullet shot through me. It was sweet as always. I just didn't want her to catch me dancing like...well, a freak.

"Hey," I grinned, unsure if it was appropriate. She probably still hated me after I shouted at her the other day. "What's up?"

"Just want to say that you did a great job today, you must be exhausted" she smiled gently.

"Thanks," I nodded. "You look more beat than me, though."

"Yeah...it's not the going-around-greeting-everybody that tired me. I'm...nervous. This dinner makes the wedding seem so much more...real, you know? More concrete."

I wanted to ask if it was because she wasn't ready, if she had doubts, et cetera, all the stuff that you shouldn't ask a bride but you ask anyway. Yet, I knew better and shut my mouth.

She drummed her fingers together, obviously wanting to say more. "What is it?" I asked encouragingly.

"The other day..." she said tentatively. "The kiss..." "Oh."

"I just want to let you know that it was a misunderstanding. It was just a goodbye kiss, some kind of closure. Changmin oppa was unsure if he was over me yet, so I told him to...test. That's all. It was really nothing."

I creased my eyebrows. "And why are you telling me this?"

"Because he likes you, and when I said I hoped you could make him happy, I wasn't lying so that you could stay away from Junsu oppa," said Ri In firmly. "I meant it."

"Why are you so sure?"

"I grew up with him. Did you really think I didn't know about his feelings? Taeyeon-sshi, I told you once already. He never lets any girl stay around him like he does with you. You are the only one that never noticed."

She gave me a knowing smile, waved me goodnight, and went up to her room.

...so I'm only like, the idiot that never knows if someone likes me.

Great job, Taeyeon. I never get first place in anything. Maybe at last I won in the category of Idiotic Obliviousness.

As I grunted to myself, my "Do I Creep You Out" ring tone shot into the air. "Hello?"

Silence.

The other person had hung up. The phone number was unfamiliar. Gee, why are there so many phone freaks these days? Don't you think it's funny that freaks always have a lot of free time to....freak people out?

The phone rang again. Same number. OH PLEASE. "Hello?" I snapped.

"Who's that?" a deep male voice on the other end asked. "Excuse me?"

"Who's that?" the voice repeated. Great, we should all randomly phone around and ask who the strangers we call are. Very useful socialization there.

"Who are YOU?"

"No, I'm asking, bitch. Who are you?" "Your mom?"

"YAH!" the man shouted. "Don't smart-mouth with me, bitch. There's this really drunk

ass that borrowed my phone and dialed your number, and now he's too drunk to go anywhere and I don't know what to do with him."

I held my breath. "What does he look like?" "How the heck do I know?"

"How can you not know?" I lost my patience. "Are you blind?"

"Yes." Oops. "Do you think I enjoy groping a man for his ID? This ass doesn't carry anything with him!"

As soon as the man gave me the location, I rushed there on a cab. It was quite a long ride before I reached the place - a back alley of a bar. The man had left. There was only a body leaning sloppily against the wall, ready to collapse anytime.

Kim Junsu.

"My goodness," I gasped, shaking him by the shoulders. "Did you mistake wine for water or something? How much did you drink?"

He ponderously opened his eyes, his face red like the setting sun. "Not...not much. I just don't have good...good tolerance."

"Come on," I tried to lift him up, to no avail. "Let's call a cab home." "N...no...I don't want to go home tonight."

"I'll call Ri In, then."

"I...d...don't really want her to see me like this." I bit my lips. "Then I'll stay with you."

He let out a small laugh, and put his hand over his face. "Taeyeon, you...you...are the last person I want to see today. Please g...go home. It's not sa...safe here."

I ignored the pain in my chest, and worriedly watched as he tried to stand up and stagger his away out of the alley. I followed, but as soon as he heard my footsteps, he turned and insisted that I went back first again. He even hailed a cab, forced me into it, babbled the address to the driver urging him to drive away. I shrieked, telling the driver to stop, and had to run back a few blocks to find him wobbling along the sidewalk. If he was that adamant not to see me...

"Hey, can I borrow your outfit for a bit?" I told the cute, pink pig mascot in front of a meat store. I didn't know meat stores were trying to be friendly recently. "Hey, look at

me, I'm all smiley and happy! Come in and you'll see my meat! Of course I was slaughtered!"- the mascot seemed to say.

"Why? What for?" the voice from inside the pig asked nervously. A woman from inside the store called out to the mascot, "Ryeowook, after your shift ends can you come and help us clean up?"

"Your shift is ending anyway, right? I just really need it. I can pay you." "I...I...can't..."

"Look, how about I give you a riddle, and if you can't solve it, you'll let me borrow it, deal?"

The pig - or Ryeowook - jumped excitedly. "Oh, I love riddles! Shoot away!" "Any riddle?"

"Uh huh!"

"'Kay. How many pair of shoes do I have?"

...and so I put on the outfit and ran to find Junsu. If he was determined not to go back, I

would stay with him.

He needed closure for our childhood promise, and so did I.

Wedding Wrecker Special Horoscope Bonus

[If Your Birthday is Today]

It's a good week to spice up your life and try something you've never done before, such as: taking a shower. You know your mom wants it (your cleanness, not the shower).

Enjoy.

18.

"BA BI BU BE Boorin! Hey evil forces, watch out, for Pig Girl of Love and Courage, otherwise called, Super Pig, has come to destroy you!"

...PUA HA HA HA HA!

I knew my main goal was to follow Junsu, but I couldn't help it. Standing on the sidewalk, I struck a "NOBUTA POWER ENTER!" pose and recited the transformation line from Tonde Buurin and added my own spice. I used to love it so much when Sailor Moon did that - it was so cool that no monster ever thought of attacking her while she was reciting her long ass speech to them.

Anyway.

Back to matter at hand (and the passers-by that gave me weird looks). I caught up with Junsu and carefully followed him. He didn't notice, until more and more people giggled and whispered as they walked past. He turned around, saw me, didn't react - I mean, it's hard to react to a pig - and walked again. People still giggled. He turned one more time, titled his head and asked, his speech still broken and slurred.

"Are you...are you...following me?"

I shook my pig head innocently. He frowned, and resumed walking.

"Are you still following me?" he asked again, when it was quite obvious that I was tailing him.

I nodded.

"Is...is there something wrong?" He leaned his shoulder against the wall and stared curiously at me. "Anything I can help you with?"

"No, it's me who want to help you, err, mister," I said in a squeaky, high-pitched voice. "You look really lost...and drunk."

He chuckled. "That's very kind of you, thank you. Go...go home, it's late. I c--can take care of myself."

I could feel my fist shaking. Jesus, why is he so stubborn? Fuming, I caught his hand in my pig hand - or foot, if you will - and pulled him along. Junsu couldn't even protest as he was ogling me in shock, his mouth agape.

"Mister, you might be fine with wandering around this neighborhood half drunk half asleep and getting mugged or raped or killed, but I'm not, because I'm...I'm Super Pig, the good-deed-doer!"

With a force I never knew I had, I dragged him to a pochangmacha nearby. The ajumma

of the pochangmacha eyed me suspiciously, while her daughter, probably my age, studied us with keen eyes. They lent us a clean wet towel, and brought some hot tea and some traditional herbs supposedly effective on hangovers.

I waited for him to wipe his face and rest his head on the table for a while to sober up a bit. Though his cheeks were flushing red, the clouds in his eyes were slowly dispersing.

"Here," I slammed the big glass of water in front of him. "Drink it. I won't let you go until you stop walking like Simba's dad about to die."

"He's a li--lion."

"Doesn't matter. Just drink it or I'll use my magical powers on you." He laughed aloud. "You remind me of someone."

"Sailor Moon?" I asked, expectant.

Junsu choked on his water and coughed violently. "I...I didn't watch Sailor Moon. But there's this girl...she's funny and different...like you." The corners of his lips tipped up in a tender smile, yet I could see his chest heave quietly in a half-sigh.

"What's with the long face?" I teased, feeling "funny and different" in the stomach. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not emotionally retarded. I knew exactly who he was talking about.

"I'm getting married in a few days," he smiled crookedly.

"Wow, congratulations!" I clapped. "Then you should go home and rest! Who wants to look ugly on their wedding day, right?"

"I just need to think something over..." he trailed off.

The image of Ri In in her creamy dress at the rehearsal popped up in my head. It'd be a

lie to say I didn't want to grasp this chance. He was wavering. I could talk him out of this marriage. I could say, oh hey, if you're not sure about the wedding, you shouldn't make yourself and the bride miserable. If you're having second thoughts, how about not having any thoughts at all and calling the whole thing off? Everything could be like I had always imagined, me in the wedding dress and nobody else, beside him in his stylish tuxedo, shyly exchanging our vows.

But then, would there be any happily-ever-after for us? "Why?" I asked simply.

He took a deep breath. "Are you in love?" "Maybe." I paused. "Yes."

"What would you do if the person you love told you he's been very confused lately? That there's a girl who used to be a big part of his life. He forgot her, and she came back one day, made him laugh, made him cry, made him everything he used to be and thought he had lost. That he never thought he'd have anyone but you on his mind, but there was someone who he had erased from his memories?"

Good thing I was in the pig suit. He wouldn't be able to see my face turning red, white,

and green like traffic lights every three seconds. My heart was beating so fast I felt it wasn't mine anymore.

"Why...why did he erase that girl from his memories in the first place, then?"

He clenched his jaws. "He did something so terrible to her that he couldn't forgive himself. So his brain automatically switched off."

I opened my mouth to ask The Ultimate Question ("what terrible thing?"), but Junsu had realized that was too much realistic information for a hypothetical situation for a pig. He blushed faintly, "So? What would you do?"

"Maybe I'd cry a lot," I shivered, recalling Ri In's lifeless face the day Junsu disappeared to Busan. "Maybe if I was too angry I'd slap That Other Bitch silly for wrecking my wedding," though I'm not Christian I'd still let people slap me freely, both cheeks. "Then I'd let him choose. But the jackass had better not run off with That Other Bitch. They would forever live in shame and guilt as the wedding wreckers."

Junsu let out a dry laugh. "Aren't you a good bride."

"That Other Bitch isn't worth it," I inclined my head. "She wanted to ruin your wedding. She can't compare to your bride. Don't be stupid. She'll be okay. No matter how she wants you back, ignore her. I mean, if heroin addicts can quit, so can I-she."

For a moment, I thought I blew my cover, for Junsu sat transfixed, doubts cast over his face. He didn't say anything for a while and took a swig at his tea.

"I guess...my biggest regret is that I never told her how much I loved her."

"You can tell me," I said softly. "I will find her and let her know." He cocked an eyebrow, amused. "I will! Come on, I'm a magical being!"

He closed his eyes as if drifting back to the past. "When I was a kid, my health wasn't the best, so everybody always looked out for me. Then she came. She was six, but she looked like she was in kindergarten, so...you know, boy's pride. I was happy that finally there

was somebody I could take care of. Such a lovely creature she was. Before I knew it, my life revolved around her. What games to play so that she could join us. How to stop her from crying night after night missing her family. How to make her laugh - I love her laugh. She has this way of laughing that makes her nose crease slightly. How my future would make sense without her was unthinkable back then. And, ha, I was the one to ruin it. Now I can't look straight at her without asking myself, what if? Time is a game I don't know how to play." He opened his eyes, and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, did I bore you with my story?"

I didn't reply. If he heard my voice, he would realize that it was raspy and nasal and watery. Yes, Junsu, you bored me to death with your story, so much that I had to cry to

entertain myself. Oh, stupid Taeyeon, where did you get all these tears from? I could have saved Africa from drought if I wanted to.

"Regret is a bitch," I muttered, turning away to remove the pig head, wipe my face dry, and look back at him. "Don't let it get to you."

"Tae...Taeyeon?" Junsu stammered, blinking rapidly as if to make sure it wasn't a hallucination from his hangover.

I shook the pig head, feigning a grin. "Buurin said she's gonna tell me, didn't she?"

We fell into silence, his eyes locking mine in a steady gaze. Time was ticking, ticking by. "What if everything was the way we dreamed it to be?" I spoke at last. "What if I was the

one who would stand next to you at the altar four days from now?"

"Then," smiled Junsu, the smile so doleful it sucked out my breath, "I'd be working for a local paper, while you'd teach at the orphanage..."

"What would we do on Sundays?"

"We could take Inhwan and the kids to the beach and have a picnic. They'd love it, don't you think?"

"Or we could stay at home, and I could make you a cheesecake to pay for your wonderful massage," I winked with a grin, ignoring the stream of tears trickling down my cheeks.

"Cheesecake?" a chuckle was caught in Junsu's throat. "I'd be fat, you know."

"I'd love a fat husband. Ten years from now, you'd be fat anyway. We'd have kids, and they'd love your round tummy."

"That'd be so lovely, wouldn't it?" said Junsu quietly. I nodded. "Really, really lovely."

The daughter of the pochangmacha owner appeared and told us that they were about to close. Junsu stood up, lurching as if falling down. I rushed forward, my knee hitting the table, to hold his arm. He pulled me into his arms, and brushed his lips softly on my forehead, leaving an invisible mark burning feverishly. I looked up at the sky. It must have been a new day. The night was fading in patches of pale violet. Summer mornings come faster than we would like them to.

We stood for a while, until Junsu tore away from me and staggered his way towards the large road for a cab. Hugging the pig head, I watched as he become a smaller and smaller

dot from afar.

"Be happy."

...

"Wow," Jaejoong pinched my cheeks when I came back home, still in the pig suit. "I'd turn vegetarian for you, cutest pig on Earth."

I smiled tiredly and took off the outfit. I briefly told Jaejoong what happened - I had decided not to hide from him anything anymore. He gave me a tight squeeze and offered to lend me his body as cushion for comfort. I appreciated the thought, but couldn't bring myself to accept the offer.

After tossing and turning on the bed until the sun came up, I gave up trying and rummaged my backpack for Yoochun's diary. Although his thoughts were mostly sweet and amusing, reading it was "Depression (remix)", with the original version being last night with Junsu.

Regret wasn't simply a bitch. It's the Queen of Bitches!

Soon I had come to the last pages. It was a few days before the day of the accident.

4.19.98

Junsu told me that today someone came for adoption. Usually they want younger kids, but this particular couple said they'd be happy with whoever, as long as it's a boy. Sister Moon recommended Junsu, and they seemed very pleased with him.

He isn't, though.

I know he wants to stay here, with you. He already told Sister that he didn't want to go, but she insisted it was good for him. I think he's gonna run away again.

Should I be happy, Taeyeon?

My eyes bulged out in shock.

Junsu, not Yoochun, was supposed to be adopted?

4.22.98

He's grown more restless. Sister was angry, for he's usually the good, obedient kid. Besides, the couple really like him. The wife is Sister's best friend in college. I guess she doesn't want to let them down.

Junsu came this afternoon, pacing back and forth in my room.

"Yah, if you wanna say something, go ahead," I snapped.

"Do you think you could..." he hesitated, "...you know...in my place...the adoption..." "What?"

"Never mind."

He left and didn't tell me what he really wanted, but I knew. I guess he does like you a lot.

4.26.98

Mrs. Lee was very nice. She had the appearance of a kid, and the eyes of the oldest mother. Infertility can age your soul that fast?

Luckily Mr. Lee had flown to the U.S. for his business. It made my job easier. I'm always good at talking with women.

"Hi, I'm Jang Nara, you must be Junsu's friend?" she shook my hand. "I'm Park Yoochun, and if you don't mind, I need to ask for a favor." "I'm all ears."

"Don't take Junsu. Take me."

4.27.98

Why am I writing all these, to you? Will you think I'm a hypocrite? Documenting my good deed so that you'll be moved later?

Haha. Maybe.

I will leave this diary here, among my stuff. If Sister throws them away, then it's fate. If not...I hope at least it gives you some peace of mind.

Would you be happy if you knew I didn't hate you, not at all? Would you be sad and remember me, if you knew I left, for you? I know I'll miss you.

A lot.

I clutched the diary close to my chest, as if doing so would soothe the pain soaring inside. Hurriedly grabbing my backpack, I dashed out of the house, so fast I couldn't answer Jaejong's yelping "Where are you going so early?"

I knew exactly where to go, and who to see.

[Because the guy who voiced "Previously on Wedding Wrecker" has been sacked, we will be doing a recap in "Gossip Girl" style]

Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous (yeah, very) lives of

Wedding Wrecker's characters.

(Junsu) "He did something so terrible to her that he couldn't forgive himself. So his brain automatically switched off."

(Yoochun) "Don't take Junsu. Take me."

Seems like major drama is about to start. It's about time. I mean, it's freaking chapter 19 already.

And who am I? That's a secret no one cares.

You know you love me (maybe).

Xoxo

Gossip Girl

Enjoy.

19.

I knew exactly where to go, and who to see.

I went to find Iron Man and asked him to beat Junsu up until he spilled the secret. Well.

He was busy with his movie. So. I called Ri In.

Jang Nara - could it be a coincidence? Sister Moon and Ri In's mom were definitely hiding something. It's not very wise to burst into their room and demand them to explain. There was another, more viable choice: Ri In.

"Is there anything wrong, Taeyeon?" Ri In smiled perplexedly as I almost toppled over rushing into the garage.

I rang earlier, and found out she was practicing together with Sooyoung and Jessica in

Jess's garage. Taking her to a corner so that the other two couldn't hear us, I asked:

"This is really important. I need your help." "Huh?"

"Your aunt...Was she going to adopt a kid ten years ago?" The smile died on her lips. Her eyes widened a little. "How did you know?"

I held my breath. It was her. "There was an accident, right? Do you know anything about it? Was there anything unusual about it?"

"Why are you asking me this, Taeyeon?"

I bit my lips. There should be no harm in yielding her the truth, right?

"There were two kids on the car. I was one of them, but I don't remember anything about the accident. They said I passed out as soon as the two cars crashed. There is something people are trying to hide from me, and I really need to know. Please help me, Ri In. Tell me, your aunt wasn't in the car, right?"

Ri In shook her head with difficulty. "No. She was waiting at the orphanage." "What about the driver? Do you know who he was? Is he still alive?"

"The driver..." she paused for a long time, and took a deep breath before uttering the words. "...was my father."

I stared at her unblinkingly, until my eyes almost teared up from the strain. Her face bore the same shocked expression, betraying no hints of untruthfulness. Feeling dizzy, I backed a few steps to keep balance, and paced back and forth trying to make sense of the new details.

"I first met Ri In at her dad's funeral."

"Just like that? Throw your life away? After all it took to save you from that accident?"

Junsu's words echoed inside my head. My stomach churned. "Why...why was your father there?" I asked at last.

"Uncle and auntie had just bought a house in Busan to settle down there after they adopted the kid, so my dad came down to see how things went. He was always worried about auntie. That's why..." she covered her face in her hands, "that's why I was angry. I wanted him to be at the play. It wasn't anything special...but I nagged him until he

promised. Maybe he was in a hurry to come back. He didn't want to miss the train...then...the accident..."

I placed a hand on her shoulder, unable to offer any comforting words. The only question

I wanted to ask was the one I didn't dare to.

Did he die trying to save me?

Jessica and Sooyoung ran to our side, fussing over Ri In. I thanked her and bid them goodbye.

The clock on my cell phone said 10 o'clock. Just in time for a train to Busan.

...

My town was small and quite reclusive, the kind where everyone knows everyone else's neighbors and you would want to shoot yourself in the face if your friends say hi to someone you don't know. As such it's easier for people to get along, and there isn't daily robbery or weekly plastic surgery to gush about. Working at the local daily news would be the most boring job on Earth, waddling through life with gossips about which house had been painted red, or which house blue.

This means the accident ten years ago should be a big deal. Huge. As sensational as Dong

Bang Shin Ki getting sex change. Or something.

The local library held issues from more than thirty years back, and it didn't take me long before I could find the issues of that month. The weirdest thing was there were only two articles on that incident. The first recounted how the accident came about. It was on a narrow turn of the mountain road leading to the beach. When the two cars crashed into each other, Mr. Jang's car was flung off the mountain road and tumbled down the slope. The other car was almost intact, but the shock gave the driver a heart attack, and no one was there to help him. He died.

"In the absence of eyewitness, the police is having difficulty identifying the cause of the crash. No evidence for mechanical malfunction was found in the intact car. The other severely damaged car is still being examined..."

The second one was slightly more helpful. A few days after the accident, forensic tests revealed that the engine of Mr. Jang's car had blown up, but not because of the crash. The man in the other car was identified as Mr. Kwon Ji Yong, 43, an office worker living in central Busan coming to our town on a business trip. His cell phone was found open on the car floor, leading to speculations from the police that he was talking on the phone and not paying attention to the road, thus crashing into Mr. Jang's car. The reporter, however, didn't buy this theory. He suspected someone had messed up Mr. Jang's car engine.

A murder.

I hastily grabbed the next issues and searched frantically for any other news, in vain. It was as if after that article, the reporter disappeared from the face of Earth, and no one ever talked about it anymore.

In fact, he didn't vanish into space. A week after his hypothesis of a murder was published, the newspaper posted a small notice saying he was sacked for "deliberately distorting information" in the previous article.

But...

Just what exactly did he distort?

...

"Hi, is Mr.Choi Seung Hyun at home?"

I smiled nervously at the man standing at the door in front of me. He was in his 40s, wearing a large white T-shirt with a short-sleeve shirt over it. The shirt had a splotchy pattern, like the skin of 101 Dalmatians, except in clashing colors.

"That's me. What do you want?" he asked curtly, glaring at me through the long, side- swept bangs that covered half of his face. Why did he do that? He wasn't even bad- looking. The bridge of his nose was sharp, and his eye (I can't see the other - too much hair) was big and impressive.

"I want to talk to you about an article you wrote ten years ago."

I didn't expect him to be at home at all. It was the afternoon; people are still at work. Since there was only his home address in the directory book, I decided to go anyway and see where it was.

"What article?"

"The one about the accident. The one around the time when you were...err..."...fired. I

swallowed my own saliva as he gave me a sharp frown.

"Don't remember," Seung Hyun snapped and almost slammed the door shut, but I was quicker.

"Yah!" he scowled at the foot I had put in the chink. I grinned pitifully.

"Please, talk to me. I'm Kim Taeyeon, one of the two kids on that car. I want to know the truth," I threw out my last card. "I believe you. I believe it was a murder. They were

wrong in firing you."

He paused and studied me skeptically. I knew I had hit the right spot. His expression slowly relaxed.

"Come on in."

It was a shabby house - or rather, room. There was only one room and a bathroom. His bed was in one corner, a wall and another corner made up the kitchen. Papers were scattered everywhere. There were at least four ash trays around the barely furnished "house."

"So you were that girl, the only survivor?" he asked after we both sat on the floor around a low table.

"Yes." I nodded, feeling slightly ill at ease. The way he put it made me feel as if my survival were wrongly earned.

"Why now? It's been ten years."

"I don't remember anything about that accident. I didn't suspect anything...until recently. I think they have been trying to hide something from me. "

He let out a scornful snort. "Great. Ten years later and the only person who believes me is someone who doesn't have a clue."

"If we find out the truth, we can restore your reputation as a reporter..."

"See this?" he took a glance at his own nest. "I've been working as a freelance writer. No newspapers would give me a job with my record. Who would care about a small-town, insignificant reporter that "violated the journalist's integrity"? For ten years, everyone thought I was a liar, that I wanted sensational news to boost the sales. It's been too long, kid. What's the point?"

I bit my lips in silence. All I wanted was the truth, but it seemed the truth was of use to no one.

"Please just tell me what happened back then," I said. "I can't move on not knowing if the last ten years of my life has been a big fat lie."

He lit up a cigarette, ignoring my alarmed face. "You read my article, correct?" "Yes."

"I had another article written. It was meant to be a series of investigative reports. But before I could get it out..." he took a deep puff on the cigarette. "The engine blew up

because there was no oil in that car." "The car I was on?"

He nodded. "If your car is out of oil to lubricate the engine, it will blow up within minutes, and the car will stop. Imagine, that Jajangmyun man" - "Mr. Jang," I corrected him. "that Jang man did not know that the oil had been leaking. It was his sister's car - why would he bother to check the oil level? Say the other man wasn't paying attention. They both were driving pretty fast, and suddenly Jang's car stopped. Kwon couldn't have expected it. It was a narrow turn. Kwon hit Jang from behind, and voila, Jang's car flew off."

I gawked at him for the longest time. "Did you tell the police all this?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course. I'm pretty sure they figured it out before me. But they never initiated an investigation. And then I was kicked out. What a bunch of dumbasses. It only convinced me that it wasn't a pure accident."

"Did the Jang family do anything about it? Didn't they suspect?"

"Nope," Seung Hyun breathed out circles of smoke. "Nothing. As quiet as mice."

"I think I know what to do now," I stood up urgently. Mrs.Jang definitely had stories to tell, what with her equivocal words to me. "I'll let you know as soon as I find out anything."

"Wait," he called after me. "You said you were amnesiac?"

"Yes. Besides...I think I passed out as soon as the crash happened, so..."

He gazed at me for a good minute, pondering. "Then there's something else you should know."

...

"Noona, noona, wait up!" Inhwan cried, running desperately after me. Normally I would stop and hug and kiss him until his face was wet with my saliva, but not today. Not now.

I stopped as soon as the door to Sister Moon's office came into sight. Breathe, I told myself. Must not storm in and shout at Sister "WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?" in the manner of traumatized Harry harassing Dumbledore.

"WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?"

"Taeyeon!" Sister Moon glared at me sternly. I had never burst into her office without knocking, neither had I screamed at her like a maniac before.

"You lied to me, for ten years!" My whole body shook. I could barely contain myself. Everything in front me blurred in the shade of blood red. I was yelling at the top of my lungs, yet it didn't feel enough. "You lied to me!" I wanted to scream until my voice was lost, until the horrible truth inside my heart was drained out.

"Did you want me to live my whole life as an ungrateful brat?" I stared straight into her eyes. "Why did you never tell me about Micky?"

About how he died to save me?

20. "Why don't you sit down first?"

Sister Moon asked, returning my glare with a calm, meaningful look. I clutched the straps of my backpack tightly and sat down, my gaze not straying from her for one second.

"He died to save me, didn't he? Tell me everything, now, and don't you lie to me. Lying is not cool." Pause. "Even Jesus said so."

Sister Moon leaned back in her chair and folded her hands on her lap. "I never lied to you, my child. Withholding information a person never asks for is hardly lying."

"Of course I never asked! How was I supposed to know?" I shot back in a cracking, almost pleading, voice.

"Because you weren't supposed to know." "Why wasn't I supposed to know?"

"You weren't supposed to know that, either." "Sister!"

Sister Moon sighed, fingering her cross pendant and breathing slowly as if a stone had clogged up her throat. "When you were six, you drew clothes for Jesus on a crucifix..."

"I thought he was cold!"

"...and to protect you Junsu took it on himself and told us it was his doing. Do you remember?"

I nodded. The pounding anger in my chest soothed for a second at the thought of Junsu's

stern smile when he stopped me from admitting to the little "crime". He was grounded for a whole day before I gathered enough courage to knock on Sister Moon's door.

"Then," Sister continued, "because you felt so guilty, you..."

"...secretly starved myself as punishment for a full week before you discovered and punished me for punishing myself," I cut her off sullenly.

"You are always so ready to feel guilty that we dreaded what would happen. We were afraid you would blame Yoochun's death on yourself. You were too young. How could we let a child grow up with a burden in her heart that she was at fault for her friend's death?"

"Just tell me what happened and you'll know what my reactions will be."

Sister pursed her lips, her mouth forming a determined, thin line. She said nothing for a while, and then stood up to walk to the crucifix hung on the wall.

"When the firemen came, the driver was already dead," she started deliberately. "The car was turned over, and you were unconscious. The firemen were going to get Yoochun out first, because he was bleeding more than you, but he wouldn't let them, unless they got you out. He lied to them that the blood on his shirt was from the driver, although it was from a large wound pierced by a metal bar from the car. By the time they rushed him to the hospital, he had lost too much blood..."

I sat still. The image of Sister in front of me was going blurry as if I was being pulled into a different world, and soon I saw myself surrounded by paramedics shouting at each other and running back and forth from the car to the ambulance. Streaks of smoke relentlessly belched out from the engine, the burnt doors, and the broken pieces of the car scattered

on the ground. I saw an eight year old me being carried on a stretcher, with bandages all over my legs and arms. I saw a fireman crawl in and pull Micky out, inch by inch. Blood was dripping down his forehead, smearing on his face, dying his white shirt in large blotches of red. His legs stuck under the seat. The fireman called for some tools, and with his face scrunched up in worries extended his arms further to disentangle Micky's flesh from the metal. When he was finally put on the stretcher, he had passed out. I cried out

his name, but he didn't open his eyes. The blood on his eyelashes was too heavy. But how could he hear me? I couldn't hear my own voice. I screamed, and screamed, yet Micky didn't move. When I had used up all the air in my lungs for one last cry, his body exploded, all flesh and blood splattered on my face, my hands, my body.

I wiped the blood off my eyes. Sister was kneeling down beside me, for I was on my knees, muttering Micky, Micky. He thought I was stupid. Was he any smarter? Be all heroic and save me? I wasn't worth it. If I had realized his feelings earlier, maybe he hadn't had to leave the orphanage. Then he wouldn't have been on that car. He would grow up to be a handsome man. Would he be taller than Junsu? Would his "eye-smile" still be bright? For a moment, I thought the adult Park Yoochun was in front of me, all

smiley with high cheek bones and a ridiculously permed hair. I blinked. There was no Micky, and I was alone again.

...

"Taeyeon, let's go home."

I looked up at the source of the soft voice. Jaejoong was so pale he stood out in the night, and with his plain white T-shirt, he could have fooled me that he was an angel without wings. Sister must have called Jaejoong when she knew her words were useless on me.

"Leave me alone," I said frigidly.

"No need to go cranky on me," Jaejoong patted my head. "Sister Moon told me everything. You okay?"

I nodded and changed the position of my legs. They were asleep long before I realized it. "You've sat by Micky's grave for a whole afternoon," Jaejoong chided. "I mean,

depression aside, how could you stand the smell? An undertaker told me when I walked in that he threw up here last night."

"Really???"

"No, I made it up. Point is, you need to go home, baby. The kids are already very happy that you're not at home for dinner."

Holy beef and fried chicken! Children these days! I know I always eat all of their food, but hey, I have a situation here: my friend died for me! How could they eat happily when their dearest sister is so...

"Hungry, right?" Jaejoong folded his arms smugly. "A...a little bit," I weakly admitted.

"Then let's go!" "But..."

"I didn't really want to do this," he squatted down before me and said impatiently, "I thought you were mature enough to avoid all that "my friend died because of me" crap. Listen: you didn't make Micky sacrifice himself. You were good friends. He thought it was worth it to save you. You didn't cause any of that. It was just an accident. "

"No, it wasn't!" I jumped up. "It was a murder!"

I told him about my meeting with Choi Seunghyun. Jaejoong listened with care, cocking his eyebrows with his mouth slightly tipped up, amused. When I finished, he squared his shoulders and looked at me with a genuine, sad expression. "Sometimes it's really painful to be smart, you know? Seeing people less smart than me is not fun. Come," he pulled me up, "let's see what this "murder" of yours really is."

Jaejoong took Mr. Choi's address from me and drove me there. When Choi Seunghyun appeared at the door with the same grouchy face he greeted me, Jaejoong smiled cordially and extended a hand for him.

"Hello, I'm Taeyeon's friend. Just want to have a quick question..." "What?" Mr.Choi barked.

"What the hell is the problem with you?" Mr.Choi jerked back in angry surprise, while Jaejoong's grin had yet to wane. "Just because she looks cute doesn't mean you can fool her. Someone drained the oil, but there's no way he or she could have predicted that somebody would be driving carelessly behind Mr. Jang and crash into him. The car could have been stopped anywhere - it's a rural area, the risk of accident is actually low. The culprit was either very stupid, if he wanted murder, or very smart, if he wanted to keep Mr. Jang here."

I gawked at Jaejoong. "How so?"

"Because other ways don't work," Choi Seunghyun cut in, flashing me a what-an- obvious-question smirk. What a saggy ass. I mean, an ass. He's old. "Gas leak is easy to detect, and he needed time. If the car is broken down right when it's started, Mr. Jang could have fixed it or changed to another vehicle."

"Very clever!" Jaejoong clapped. "Now you'd better give me a good reason why you lied to my Taeyeon, or..."

"No reason," said Seunghyun nonchalantly. "It's hot today, so I'm feeling a little mean." "What?" Jaejoong scoffed and seized Seunghyun by the collar. Mr. Choi didn't flinch.

"Mister, either you apologize right now or," he glanced sideways at a woman popping out of the house next to Seunghyun's, and leaned dangerously close to Seunghyun's face,

"I'm gonna kiss you so passionately that your neighbor will know you're gay."

Despite being in a hellhole of depression an hour ago I couldn't help but feel amused and sorry for Jaejoong. As if anyone was going to be threatened by---

"I'm sorry," ...okay. "I got annoyed, that's all," Mr. Choi said grudgingly, his eyes darting towards the neighbor. "Everybody keeps coming to ask me about that accident like I'm Dr. Phil or something."

"Everybody?" asked Jaejoong as he flicked his wrists expertly to release Seunghyun, who staggered backwards. "There were others?"

"Are you really the girl in the accident?" Mr. Choi looked at me askance. "Yes," I frowned. "So you didn't believe me?"

"Well, another girl came about two months ago. She said the same thing. When you came, I thought you were messing with me, so I played along."

Jaejoong and I shared a look of disbelief. Mr. Choi didn't look like he was lying, yet the story was almost too impossible to believe. Who would want to pretend to be me? Heck, even I don't want to pretend to be me! I'm too short. And not rich. And have a friend who's dead because of me.

"Do you remember what she looked like?" I asked.

"Definitely taller than you," gees, thanks. "Has a mouth, a nose, two eyes, and a hot body."

"Oh, that's helpful."

"Hey, at least you don't have to look for people with disability."

"You'd better not be lying, sir, or you will be the one with disability." Jaejoong waved a menacing finger.

Mr. Choi scoffed and immediately scurried into his house when he noticed his neighbor was approaching us.

"Hi, I'm Seunghyun's neighbor," she smiled gaily at Jaejoong. "We haven't met before, but the moment I saw you, I knew I had to ask you this question."

"I'd be happy to answer, ma'am."

"What kind of facial cream are you using?"

...

We returned to Seoul that night, though I didn't really want to. I had this fantastically unrealistic idea that if I stayed away from Seoul, I could at least pretend that my life was normal, that the guy I had a twelve year crush on wouldn't be getting married in three days to the daughter of the man who was killed together with a friend I cruelly ignored in an accident whose cause was still a mystery.

God, that was a mouthful.

You'd say, oh, it's all in the past, just drop the subject and enjoy your misery already.

Like they said, what's the use of finding the culprit? It won't bring Micky back. You have to move on with your life, and so on. Frankly? That's so glass-half-full, and I'm not the glass-half-full type. I'm not the glass-half-empty type, either. I'm the holy-shi.t-who-the- fuck-drank-half-of-my-glass type.

Enough said.

As I was drowning myself in depression waiting for the W-day to come, I desperately wished my life was a romance novel, minus the sex. No matter what happens, there will always be a happy ending. Say, what if the culprit of the deadly prank ten years ago suddenly showed up at the wedding to admit his crime and show his true identity: a vampire! He felt so bad that before Micky exhaled his last breath, he bit Micky, and made Micky immortal! Micky showed up at the wedding and used his vampire-ness to seduce Ri In, and I conveniently ended up with Junsu!

...somebody shoot me in the face, please. Where's the bad guy when you need him? In jail?

It's either the excessive influx of news on "Twilight" or I'd been drinking too much. Yes, folks, I drink, so shoot me? (Please?) As of this very second, I'd had my fifth bottle, and it was a miracle I was still alive...

"Baby, stop drinking cranberry juice. You've peed like the hundredth time and I need the bathroom to get ready!"

Did I mention I drank cranberry juice? Well, you know now.

"You can't blame me, Jae," I stuck out my tongue at him. "Who needs an hour to fix his hair?"

"Extra beauty needs extra care. Now, hurry up and get dressed," Jaejoong shoved the dress to me and pushed me into my room.

Today was W-day. Wedding day. Last night we stayed until one in the morning to supervise the setup, and today we had to be at the venue before six in the morning. After the wedding ceremony inside the church, the reception would happen in a lovely garden in the evening to avoid the summer heat. Leaving Jaejoong at the church to check on the settings and the guests, I left for Ri In's house to help her get ready. Changmin, instead of Yuri, opened the door for me. I was going walk past him indifferently when he motioned for me to follow him. When we were standing in the garden, I waited impatiently for him to speak, but he just...stood there.

"So?" I asked at last.

He cleared his throat and drew from his pocket a piece a paper. He started reading from it without stopping for breath, in a monotonous, flat voice.

"I'm sorry that I asked you out so suddenly it might have scared you I understand that you need time to think I am also sorry for being rude after you have bravely rejected me maybe we should start things slowly what do you think about a dinner you don't have to answer me right away."

I stared at him blankly.

"...So?" Changmin spurted out.

"So what? Did you expect me to cry like I'm on Oprah?"

He crumbled the piece of paper in his hands and gritted his teeth. "At least answer the question!"

"You said I don't have to answer right away in that lovely speech of yours," I raised an eyebrow. "Who wrote it?"

He blushed and averted his eyes. "It's not like Ri In told me what to say and I wrote it down because we were afraid that I'd screw up. I'm just not good at this stuff, all right?"

His fluster made me feel guilty. I did avoid the subject when he approached me with it, and not in the nicest way...you know, pointing at houses and all that.

"Look, I'm sorry, too. I should have made it clear that I don't want to go out with you, not because you're a little bit of a jerk. It's just...it's too sudden, you know? Why do you even like me? We fight all the time! I thought you hated me!"

Changmin shoved his hands into his pockets - oh, need to mention that he was wearing a very nice suit, which created the illusion of a gentleman - and angrily walked away while grumbling like a grandma. I sighed and was heading for Ri In's room when Changmin turned and stopped me in my tracks.

"You want to know the reason, right?" he asked roughly. "Maybe." He glared. "Okay, yes."

"This is gonna be embarrassing for me so after I finish, just pretend it never happens." He took a deep breath, and started speaking rapidly. "There are certain things that certain people don't do, like pooping on the streets---"

"Whoever does THAT?"

"Shut up. Just an example. Anyway. I don't do confessions, okay? I don't...talk about my feelings. If I like someone, I don't say it. It's not my thing. Not that it's any good. Maybe if I had told Ri In how I felt, things would have been different. It was a mistake. And I don't wanna make that same mistake again, with you. I don't act like it, but I...hum, I..I... like you. You're so stupid, and annoying. You grate on my nerves so much I want to yell at you all the time, but I like that. I like you."

He exhaled and waited for the effect to sink in before stomping off, his head held high. Almost instantly I had this horrible mental image of him serenading me under the moonlight, and instead of "I wanna love you forever" he was singing "I wanna yell at you forever."

Ugh. Shudder.

I wiped my sweat and ran as fast as I could to Ri In's room. My heart was pounding, and I couldn't even see the stairs I was climbing. The image of Changmin confessing kept playing in my head. God, he was serious! But it was actually quite moving. And I sort of liked yelling at him, too. Except I couldn't possibly agree to go out with him. I just got out of a serious, ten-year relationship! I mean, technically, it was all in my head, but still! And there's Jaejoong. And how can I be Changmin's girlfriend? He's such a bra--- OUCH.

"Oops, sorry, Taeyeon!" Yuri, who I had bumped into, hastily helped me up. "Are you alright?"

I stood straight up and blew the tousled hair off my face. "Apart from having a friend that I indirectly killed and a boy who confessed to me with a constipated face, yes, I'm alright."

Yuri looked like she wanted to say something, but opted for a silent nod instead. "Where's Ri In?" I asked. "Is everything ready?"

"Something..." stuttered Yuri, "something...happened."

"What? What is it? Is it the make-up artist? Did she come late? Oh my, didn't I call her five in the morning and make her go? Or is it the bouquet? Are the flowers not fresh enough? Or is it the dress? The veil? The shoes? The panties? The---"

"No, no, everything is great. It's nothing serious, really. Calm down, calm down." "What is it, then?"

"Ri In disappeared."

21.

Even if Einstein came back from the underworld and gave me his brain, there are things I'd never understand. Like, physics. Or "The Bachelor". Or why Jennifer Lopez is still not banned from the movie screen.

Or Kwon Yuri.

Here she stood, off-handedly announcing the disappearance of the bride. I hoped she didn't think that Junsu could marry himself instead at the altar. Or that we can dress her teddy up in the wedding dress. California has just legalized gay marriage, but I'm pretty sure nowhere allows inter-species matrimony.

"Please say "Ri In" is your teddy bear's name, or else I would have to shoot you and then kill myself."

"Hey, why would I name my Peanut Butter after her? Geez. See, there's a theme. My cell phone is Granola, my computer is------"

"Yuri!" I fought the biggest urge to tear all my hair off and throw it at her. "What happened?"

"We were putting on the dress, but she said she needed some fresh air and went out...half an hour ago."

"Maybe she's somewhere in the house?"

"Already checked. And double-checked. Am triple-checking." "Aish! Okay, don't tell anyone yet. I'll go look for her."

Yuri waved her hand dismissively. "Nah, don't worry. Give her some time to freak out. She'll be fine."

I threw my hands up in despair. What could Ri In possibly be thinking? Everything sounded like a bad Korean drama, one where the girl has too many choices and picks the worst one and then runs away five minutes before she says "I do". But hey, Junsu is the best choice any girl could ever have! The plot of our current story was actually more similar to "Runaway Bride", you know, that movie with Julia Roberts, and that movie made you feel good. But this whole situation made me feel bad. VERY BAD. Getting married is indeed a scary commitment- hey, it takes a lot to not lust after hot guys on the street when you walk with your husband. Though I could fathom why Ri In got cold feet, I wouldn't let her leave like this.

She couldn't leave him like this.

"Yuri," I said hastily to her while dialing Jessica's number, "can you please stay in Ri In's room and not let anyone in? Don't tell anyone that she's disappeared."

"What if Junsu wants to see her?" she pressed.

"The groom is not supposed to see the bride before the wedding!"

"Her mom? Her aunt and uncle? Changmin? Some random people with a desperate need to see Ri In because otherwise they'll die with their eyes open?"

"Make something up. Say she doesn't want to see anyone. Or she has diarrhea. Or...oh hi Jess," I answered when Jessica had picked up the phone. Leaving Yuri still very skeptical about our plan, I sneaked in a corner and told Jessica about the situation.

"Did you check the roof?" she droned. If I didn't know that she was in constant need of sleep, I'd have mistaken her for a drug addict in her withdrawal period.

"Why would she be on the roof!" "I don't know. To kill herself?"

...Lovely. "Is there somewhere else she might be?" "The basement?"

After explaining to Jess that Ri In was definitely not in the house - not even in the flush toilet, I got her to promise that she and Sooyoung would check the places they usually frequented. Then I called Jaejoong and asked him to find some delay strategy and keep the guests in place if Ri In didn't come back in time. As soon as I snapped my phone shut, I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Yuri blundering to Changmin from behind the door.

"She...she can't see anyone right now." "Why?" Changmin frowned curiously. "Because...because she has this huge lump on her face..." "What?"

"Hey, Mr. Min!" I chirped, signaling for Yuri to flee the scene. "What are you up to?"

Changmin looked slightly taken aback when I approached. I tried to avoid his eyes, hoping he wouldn't bring up the confession earlier.

He touched his black bow as if fixing it, and shrugged. "Just wanna check up on Ri In."

I took a glimpse at my cell phone. It was indeed time for the groom and the groomsmen to be at the church, which meant the guests would be filling up the seats in an hour or so. I considered for a second telling Changmin the truth. What harm would it do? Maybe he would only panic and start yelling at me. And then tell Mrs. Jang. And then together they would strangle me to death and the last meaningful thing I did was drinking cranberry juice and peeing like I had bladder problems.

OR. I could keep silent. I like my head where it is right now. I also enjoy breathing -

breathing is so much fun!

"Oh, really?" I feigned an excited laugh. "Then leave! Hurry! Go, go! You guys should be there on time!"

"I will," he made a move towards the door, "after I say goodbye to my sister." "I'll tell her," I quickly stood between him and the door. "Just go."

He glanced me up and down as if weighing me with his eyes. "Something wrong?" "Your existence."

"You appear to be hiding something." "You appear to be bugging me."

"I'm glad."

"Go, please!" I pleaded. "I'll have dinner with you."

"Don't use dinners as baits!" he fumed, already shoving me out of his way. "You don't have to go out with me, because I will kill you after I find out what you're doing to Ri in behind this door."

Thankfully, Yuri had locked the room. Changmin kept shaking the door knob angrily, and tried to push the door open with his shoulders. From upstairs we could hear Mrs. Jang calling down at us, asking what was going on. I yelled, "Nothing! Just chasing a rat! I think it's on pills!"

"Nice," Changmin scoffed. "WHAT RAT?"

"Ri In's gone," I cowered, awaiting his fury. There was no use in hiding anymore. At this rate, Changmin would let the whole world know that something was wrong, if he kept charging at the door like that.

"What? Since when?" he blustered.

"When I came she's already gone! We're trying to look for her."

"Damn it!" he cursed and drove a fist into the wall. I was waiting for more saliva to come but he stood with his head hung low, pushing himself against the wall with his arm. Something was glistening at the corner of his eyes. Utmost silence. Suddenly I wanted to hug him. The wedding he gave up his love for was in danger, and the girl he loved for years was jeopardizing her own happiness.

I knew how that felt like.

"Taeyeon..." Changmin groaned, obviously in pain. Ah, the pain of love! Maybe he wanted some comforting hand. Come to think of it, hugging is a little too gross, but I can put a hand on his shoulder. Or something.

"Yes?"

"I think I broke my knuckles."

...

Boys! Men! Humans who don't have brains! Why can't they channel their raging hormones somewhere else other than the walls? Don't they have girls?

...Well, for Changmin, that's a different story. But still.

He had gone to the hospital to get an X-ray of his hand. At first he insisted on going on

the Ri In quest with me. A nice little sweet talk, and he caved. Hah, pride can go on for so long.

... Okay, not really, I sort of resorted to blackmail.

"Not liking that idea," he grunted as I offered my body, I mean, my evening as compensation for his being treated and looked after at the hospital. Wow, I wish Mother Theresa could see me now. She would be so proud.

"Please, I guarantee that there is no reluctance whatsoever in my going out on dinner with you, ok? Just think of it as my apology. I'm the wedding planner, I should have known better and checked on Ri In earlier."

"But..."

"Oh, hi, Tiffany! Look, Changmin just broke his hand!" I pointed at him and laughed when he snapped his head to see if Tiffany was really behind him. "Hah! Just messing with ya. I will tell her for real if you don't go. Then she'll call her army of personal doctors and carry you to the mental asylum, how does that sound?"

He cursed under his breath and gave me the ring box. "Hankyung can be the best man, in case I'm late."

I pushed it back. "Don't worry, you'll make it to the wedding. X-ray takes 5 minutes. It's not like they strip you naked and scan your whole body or anything."

He huffed and walked off, waving his uninjured arm as goodbye without looking back. "Who knows. I don't want to ruin Ri In's happiest day."

Jeez. He must think he's very cool.

...he is kind of cool. And why am I imagining him in the X-ray room, naked? GO AWAY, IMPURE THOUGHTS!

Then I told Hankyung that Changmin wasn't going with him and Junsu, because he smelled so bad that he didn't want to bother other people. As soon as Tiffany came, I talked her into taking Mrs. Jang to the church, so that both of them wouldn't notice Ri In's disappearance.

Chaos. Absolute chaos.

I wandered around the neighborhood with a picture of Ri In in my hands, asking people if they had seen her. So far:

A middle-school girl: "Yeah, I saw her. She was on TV last night, right? The "Murderer

Wanted" ad?"

A thug (I was desperate): "Oh ho ho, hot! How much?"

Some respectable-looking old man in dress shirt and black pants: "I don't know where she is, but I know God will protect her. Do you want to come to the mass this Sunday? Here's the address of the church..."

Ooh. I'm on a roll baby.

When I was about to give up, Jaejoong called. He said there was an emergency and I needed to be at the church this instant. What could be more life-threatening than a missing bride?

Hailing a cab, I arrived at the church when the guests were already in their seats. Everybody had that same curious, impatient look on their face. The women huddled together gossiping away, while the men tapped on their knees impatiently. Jaejoong was standing with Tiffany, Hankyung, and Kangin, all of whom carried a heavy expression. I scurried to their side, panting.

"What's wrong?"

"Your hair. It's like, crazy on the left, and disgusting on the right." "Jaejoong."

"Father Cho said we only have thirty minutes left," Jaejoong said urgently, darting his eyes back and forth between me and the guests. "There's another wedding right after us, and we will have to move out when our time is up."

"Good riddance. Can we persuade them to give us some more time?" "There's yet another wedding after that."

"Oh dear, we picked a good date!" I felt a panic attack kicking in. "Did you talk to

Father? Where's your awesome persuasion skill?" By which I mean his sexual appeal. "Doesn't work on men. Straight, religious men."

"Right." Bummer. "I'll go talk to him, you call Ri In. I don't know, maybe if we call too much the phone will get pissed off and turn itself on."

I made sure Jaejoong call Ri In, and then ran to look for Father Cho. I found him pacing and biting his thumb nail - ew - in his office.

"Can you please, please just give us fifteen minutes more?" I clapped my hands together, batting my eyes as sincerely as possible. "I'm sure we'll find the bride by then."

"But..."

"Please. You're generous, aren't you?" "But...."

"Please! You're also very kind, right?" "But..."

"This is what God wants you to do. He may not say it directly to you, but I can feel it...from up there."

"F...fine," he wavered. "But my child, I can't give you no more than fifteen minutes." "Thank you, thank you so much Father! I'd ask you to be my father to thank you but it'd

be kind of creepy so please just know that I'm eternally grateful!"

I hugged him and danced happily out of the room. No sooner had I sighed with relief and felt more hopeful did reality hit me again. I plopped down on a bench in the corridor, running my hands over my face tiredly. This used to be what I wanted: no wedding. Junsu would be free, and everything would return to the way I had dreamed it to be. But there were not only Junsu and me. Too many people involved, too many casualties. And didn't he want to be with her? The mere thought of him standing alone at the altar abandoned by his own bride made my heart plummet.

Is this how you felt back then, Park Yoochun? Is this why you got yourself adopted in

Junsu's stead?

I think your insanity is rubbing on me, insane Micky. "Hey, Taeyeon."

A familiar voice rang before me, as sweet as a musical note. I jumped and saw Junsu, hands behind his back, decked in his tux, his usual spiked up hair now smoothed down, his side-swept bangs hanging loosely but neatly above his dark eyebrows. The long and tight-fitted vest hugged his waist, accentuating his wide chest and his firm butt.

His butt.

Something was really wrong with me. Why did I keep thinking of male body parts? It's not even my period yet!

"Hi, Junsu," I smiled, trying to look relaxed and natural. This was the first time since that pig incident that we met. I wasn't sure if he remembered anything, and didn't want to ask either.

"How are you?" he asked, his voice rather strained. I squirmed under his gaze, and had to avert my eyes before I could reply.

"I'm good. How are you?" "I'm fine. And you?" "Good. Good."

Are we going to carry on the conversation like this forever? Maybe we should talk about the weather - oh, the sky is so blue, I wonder if it was blue yesterday, or the day before yesterday. Or better yet - "Hey, remember yesterday, there was a weird pig chasing you on the street?" Awesome way to break the ice.

"I was just looking for you," he said at last. "Is Ri In late?"

"Yeah..." I startled, almost blurting out Yuri's "lump on the face" excuse. "There's some

problem with the dress. Layer one wasn't very friendly with layer two so layer three got pissed and decided to hook itself on the sharp edge of the dresser."

"They must have gone through a lot of stress." "What can I say."

We chuckled slightly, our eyes caught in each other's gaze for a split second before we quickly turned our attention to the most fascinating part of our body, the toes.

"So," his "so" shot out in a short breath, as if he had difficulty breathing while uttering it, "Ri In told me you're going back to Busan right after the wedding."

"Yup," I pursed my lips together in a wide, but tight smile. Her gloomy expression that night had yet to fade in my mind.

"I guess I won't see you off, then," he said softly.

They were going on honeymoon in Hawaii right after the ceremony ended. Good chance for me to slowly erasing the memories of their wedding from my mind.

"That's great. If you and Ri In showed up at the airport all lovey dovey, they would charge me extra for my carry-on luggage. You know, jealous airline people. They're so jealous of the increased gas price that they have to charge us new luggage fees!"

Gah, what plane? What airline? I'll be on a train! What was I saying?

I ranted without stopping for breath, and without leaving Junsu any gap to jump in. I was afraid of what he might say. His words were like drugs, and I was undergoing detoxification. Sure you don't want to waggle a cake of heroine in front of a drug addict in rehab, right?

"For you," he pulled his hands from behind his back, and handed me a small gift bag, with light blue patterns on a white background.

I hesitated. "What is it?"

"A gift. Since we're not going to see each other in...a while," He meant "forever". "I

thought I should give you now."

I took the bag and curiously peered inside. It was a rectangular, thin box. He even gift- wrapped it.

"It was something I wanted to give you for your birthday ten years ago, but couldn't afford until now," he said without looking at me. "It's seven months early, so don't open it yet..."

Oops. "Sorry." I held the box in one hand and the gift-wrap paper in another. He was too late. I get overexcited whenever I receive gifts.

It was a platinum necklace with an emerald porcelain pendant in the shape of a four-leaf clover.

"Wow." I stared at it in awe. "Glad you like it."

"This..." I stuttered, "...this...this...I can't take it! It's...too...too..."

"It's not that expensive," smiled Junsu knowingly. "I just had to pay for the chain. I made the pendant."

"You made the pendant?" I gaped at him like Columbus seeing America for the first time.

...assuming that he did gape, that is. Maybe he went ballistic and pounced on the Indians? Junsu calmly nodded. "Yes."

"You made the pendant." He nodded again.

"You made the pendant!"

"Yes, I did. I also made the Earth and the sky and the seas." He laughed when I looked at him, dumbfounded. "I've been taking classes for years. Pottery is not rocket science, Taeyeon."

A sharp pain slit the inside of my chest. For years, huh? What do I know about him now? "What else do you know? Wizardry?"

"Close. Fencing."

I uttered a weak "Ah", and kept staring at the pendant. If Ri In knew about this gift, would she be angry at us? Would it be some sort of, I don't know, pre-cheating act, because we were not in fact having an affair, but were doing everything that would lead to it?

As if reading my mind, Junsu reassured. "It's just a gift from a friend to a friend. Don't think too much."

I shook my head. "I don't want it." Read: I want it badly. But. "You're getting married. You don't give other girls jewelry." I shoved the necklace back into his arms. "Take it back!"

"No." He took hold of my hands and pressed the necklace in my palms. "Take it." "I don't like it." I feigned aloofness. Do aloof people have a cracked voice?

The color on Junsu's face was turning redder. "Just take it. You can throw it away later, but take it."

"If you say so," I stuffed the necklace into the box - to make sure that the pendant wouldn't break - and threw it down. On the floor.

His eyes widened in shock. He stood transfixed, his fists clenched so tightly I could see the green veins pulsating under the fair skin. Minutes passed without the sound of us breathing.

Then he turned on his feet and walked away.

As soon as he disappeared behind the door leading to the main hall, I let myself fall. I had used up all my strength to tense up the muscles, so that he wouldn't see me shaking. Picking up the necklace, I closed my palm and held it close to my heart. The heat from

his strong grip still lingered.

I had to return this, no matter what.

When I shuffled myself back into the main hall, the guests were growing more restless. Whispers were echoing all around the church, and Father Cho turned greener and greener by the second. I stole a glance at Junsu, and felt sick. He didn't avoid my eyes, but his gaze was cold. He too had started to worry - he was the calmest among us - and checked the clock every five seconds or so.

The necklace was in my bag. I could feel its presence like a spirit hovering behind me.

As the clock hands drew nearer and nearer to the designated time, I had taken a few deep breaths to prepare myself. I had to tell him. Maybe he'd know where she was. Maybe they had a secret place - a tree-house, or underground house, you name it.

"Junsu..."

"WAIT! Taeyeon!"

I had barely started my sentence when Changmin stormed in and yelled out my name. He was holding his phone, and slapped it to my ear.

"Ouch! Who's this?"

Yoosuk's voice yelped from the other end. "Come! She's here! She's here!" "Calm down U-know. She who?"

"Ri In. Jang Ri In. The bride you're looking for! The daughter of the famous Jang family! The future bride of Kim Junsu! The rocker that performed at Dark Lord! The---"

"I got the idea. Thanks. I'll be there."

Snapping the phone shut, I resisted the urge to hug Changmin, and sprinted like a rocket out.

... "Hi."

"Hi." "Yeah, hi." "Hi."

"Hi."

"Great rap battle. Forget Epik High, I'll pay you two 100 bucks a night. Deal?"

I cocked an eyebrow. "Thanks for the offer. In return I'd like to invite you to our private, Yoosuk-unrelated conversation."

"Oy, Taetae, chill," Yoosuk/U-know grinned and retreated to the outer room, leaving me and Ri In in the backstage area of Dark Lord.

Ri In was hiding backstage at Dark Lord, absently strumming her guitar. I kissed Yoosuk/U-know profusely through the phone and made loud enough kissing noises to express my gratitude. Now my phone was wet with saliva, but I didn't mind.

I found her.

...and we were staring awkwardly at each other. Ri In was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, her no make-up face betraying the sagging, darkened eye bags.

"Sorry, Taeyeon. I made you worried," Ri In smiled nervously.

I sighed. "You know that you have to put on several layers of poison in powder form and

a dress that weighs more than me before you say "I do", right? If you hurry up we can still get you married in about one hundred years and fifty seconds."

She chuckled. I beckoned her to leave. "I can't," she said shakily.

"Why?"

"My wedding panty is gone!"

"Well, the wedding dress has many layers."

"I'm serious, Taeyeon," she pleaded, pacing around, her hands bunched into tight fists. "It's the only panty I wear inside out by mistake every single time! It's my lucky charm."

I gawked at her. Cool and collected Jang Ri In was flipping out right in front of me, and it was quite a scene to behold. Not because of the panties, of course. I didn't even want to think about her panties. Why would I think about panties? I'm not sick, perverted, or

have a fetish for underwear. Besides, the mental image of a bride without underwear was enough to last me a lifetime of gay nightmares.

Anyway.

If she was worried this much, that means she still cared. She was running away with only one foot. The wedding still had a chance. I kept mum while she ranted and ranted, each sentence more anxious than the last. I couldn't help a smirk at the whole scene - at us. The moment I gave up my scheme, she offered me what I had wanted with both willing hands.

"What do I do? Maybe something will go wrong. Maybe Father is sick. Or the chandelier will fall down . Or the music will be too loud. Or I'll mess up my vow. And I'm talking in rhymes!"

"Ri In!" I grabbed her shoulders. "What's wrong?" "Everything."

"Everything is fine. Jaejoong and I took care of it."

Ri In hung her head. "I shouldn't have rushed the wedding. I was selfish." "Junsu understands."

"It's karma. Now I'm scared."

"Of what? Sure you can't sleep with anyone else but him for the rest of your life, but he's hotter than most people, so it's worth it, right?"

"Taeyeon." She didn't appreciate the serious side of the statement. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"What if it won't work out for us?" "Doesn't hurt to try?"

"I'm not ready to be a wife."

"You'll learn," I patted the side of her shoulder. The thought of showing some stronger gesture of encouragement, like hugging her, or smiling, crossed my mind, and was quickly discarded

Ri In uttered a soft sound of protest, but didn't say a word. She dropped her gaze, looking defeated, as if she would never be able to explain her fears.

"Maybe I should tell him," she started moving. I dashed to her front and blocked the way. "Please, don't."

"Let me go, Taeyeon," she strode past me towards the door. I spun on my feet and caught her hand.

"You can't do this, Ri In! Can you imagine how hurt he would be? You love him, right? Do you remember how happy you were when you guys hired us?"

"That's why I'm scared!" she was raising her voice, her big eyes glowering at me, laden with anger and panic. "I didn't have doubts before. But look at us. What have we become?"

"Future husband and wife?"

She snorted a sharp, bitter laugh. "Taeyeon, can't you see? I lied to him! We never had a fight before. And I'm not blaming anyone for sending that text message..."

"I didn't send it!" I cried, trying to make it sounded earnest rather than defensive. Even though she didn't put it into words, the suspicion was clear in her eyes.

"It doesn't matter. He'd have known anyway. And he also lied to me."

"I told you already! He didn't deem it important enough to tell you. We were childhood friends. Sort of dated for a while, but we were kids!" I paused for a second, realizing that

it was the same excuse Junsu used on me. Which meant I wasn't being completely honest to Ri In, but my guts told me it'd be better than saying, "yeah, we had a pretty hardcore history - we were premature kids."

Ri In smiled faintly and withdrew her hand from mine. "I saw the way he looks at you." I sucked in a lungful of air. "And I saw the way he smiles at you in the wedding dress.

The pictures he took of you through the years. And you saw him propose to you. Isn't that enough?"

That's it. I'd used up my reserve of heroism. Sorry Ihnwan and co, I was going to share my food with you guys in the future, but I guess it won't happen now. I don't know how people on dramas do this. You know, the "Standing Forlornly on the Sidewalk Watching Your Love Walks Hand in Hand with Another Woman" act. How did they do it without feeling as though they were half way through Hell?

...Ah, who am I kidding? I was the third wheel, and giving Caesar what belongs to Caesar isn't the most heroic thing in the world.

But it still damn hurt.

My words seemed to have some effects, as Ri In stood quietly, fastening her eyes on the ground. I decided to land my final move.

"He chose you."

Ri In lifted her head and gazed at me for a while. Color returned to her pallid face, and the panic in her eyes had subsided. I took her hand, and we headed in silence back to her house.

There was a wedding waiting for us, and someone waiting for her.

...

We put on the dress for Ri In and along with her uncle drove the church. The makeup artist had to do everything lightning fast, right on the car. Thankfully Ri In was a natural beauty, so even with little makeup on she managed to look ethereal, beautiful like a fairy tale. Her hair was done yesterday and only needed some fixing up.

"Thank God," I exhaled happily when the last touch of make-up was applied on her face. "Everything's alright now."

"AAA!" Yuri shrieked.

"What "AA"?" I shrieked along. "Don't "AA" me! "AA" is no good! No "AA"! "BBBB"!"

"I forgot the ring at home!" Yuri winced, on the verge of tears. "Why would you have the ring?" I asked furiously.

"Tiffany forgot it at the house! I was going to bring it, but we were in such a hassle!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" I screamed. "It takes at least a few minutes for all the reading and vowing and I-do-ing stuff. The ring exchange is after. I'll go back to the house and look for it, you girls go ahead, okay? Where did you put it, Yuri?"

After Yuri told me the place and gave me the house keys, I burst out of the car, saw a cab right behind us and hailed it.

"To this address, right now!" I gave the driver the address and sat impatiently, looking from one side to another. The driver was quiet for the whole time. He drove and drove, but we were moving further and further away from Ri In's neighborhood into a very strange, unfamiliar area.

"What's going on?" I snapped. "You went the wrong way!"

"Nah," the driver laughed, his laugh hoarse and chilly. "This is the right way."

He pressed a button, and a glass screen sprung up to separate us. I slammed repeatedly on the screen and the windows, only to realize that we were in an alley with no one around

to help. Fear paralyzed me. I wanted to cry out loud, but I couldn't make myself heard. And before soon, streaks of smoke gushed out from the corners of the backseat.

I passed out.

...

"Taeyeon! Taeyeon!"

My eyelashes felt heavy, as if someone had tied a stone to each of the lashes. Somebody was shaking my shoulders, and calling my name.

"Taeyeon! Wake up, please wake up!"

I couldn't open my eyes properly, so I lifted my head a little to see who was bothering my sleep. Too bad, my head was just a big container of mush. It felt wobbly, and my neck

lost control of it. I fell right back, hitting my head on the ground. Ground?

"Taeyeon! You alright?"

The person was patting my cheek gently now, hoping to get my eyes open. This scent...I know this scent.

Junsu?

I forced my eyes open and saw Junsu kneeling down next to me, his face so pale there seemed to be no blood left. Our surroundings were quite dark; there was only enough light to make out the contours of the face. I still couldn't determine where we were - a very run-down version of Hell, or a very run-down Earthly room.

"Why..." I said with difficulty, not regaining my entire sense in the head yet "Why are you here, Junsu?" I noticed he was still in his tux. "What about the wedding? Did Ri IN make it in time?"

"Ah, how caring. You moved me." from somewhere in the room a voice mocked, and

then burst into hooting laughter. "Thanks to you, the wedding was ruined. Great job there, Kim Taeyeon."

The voice made me jump - figuratively, because I was in a condition that resembled death, and I don't suppose dead people jump. Not because it sounded creepy. Any voice spoken in the dark in a run-down house would sound creepy. It only scared me because I recognized who it belonged to.

"What do you want?" I spat spitefully as the hooting laughter struck again. Then all we could hear was the sound of that creep's walking - or rather, sashaying - toward the light.

No surprise. No surprise at all.

22.

She sat down on a chair, legs crossed, looking down at us with mock sympathy. I could tell from the raised corners of her lips that she was enjoying herself. She was still decked in her wedding outfit, a white strapless short dress that did not belong with the rusty pipes and peeled-paint walls of our surroundings. The only thing that matched the coldness of the room was her eyes. Their usual warmth and cheerfulness had yielded to a distant

gaze. She looked a complete stranger to us.

"This is exactly what I want," she smiled, twirling her curled locks. "You two crawling on the ground looking pathetic like that. Perfect."

Junsu and I shared a look. We were thinking about the same thing.

This is not the Kwon Yuri we know.

"Yuri, what is this all about?" Junsu inquired politely. Anger was suppressed in the veins

of his clenched fists.

Yuri uncrossed her legs and leaned forward with interest. "Oh? You really don't know?" She turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "Can't you look a bit more surprised? Don't be such a spoilsport."

I was indeed not surprised as I should be. The moment I saw her, all the pieces of the puzzle fell and fitted together perfectly. Yoochun's diary. The text message. The ring. Before I could feel guilty about jumping to conclusion, her tone of voice had confirmed it all.

"You gave me Yoochun's diary on purpose, didn't you?" I glared at her.

"Yoochun's diary?" Junsu asked loudly, to both of us. "How could you have Yoochun's diary?"

"She must have stolen it from you," I said plainly.

"Uh, correction: I cleverly obtained it," Yuri scoffed. "Who would have thought the loyal maid with keys to everything in the house would sneak out a diary, when there are jewelries and antiques and whatever, right? You didn't even lock the drawer, thickhead!"

Junsu stood up and stared down at Yuri in disgust and disbelief. I tried to scramble up myself, but got light-headed and had to lean back against the wall for support. Whatever it was they smoldered me with in the taxi, it hadn't gone away.

"You also sent that text message, telling Junsu about Ri In's rock gigs." I said. There was no need for questions anymore. It all added up.

"Wow, you surely aren't as stupid as you appeared to be," mocked Yuri. "Did the anesthesia fix your brain? When did you figure that out?"

"Just now."

"Oh, of course! There's no way you knew it was me. I have been so careful. I even pretended to be air-headed..."

"Very convincing."

She tossed me a dirty look. "...and nice and kind. Had Mrs. Jang - oh, excuse my occupational habit - The Royal Bitch bothered to check my identity, she would never have let me near the house. She thought no one would dare to mess with her in her own

house, didn't she? So full of herself! Or just too dumb. Like all of you. Or maybe I'm just too smart?"

She threw her head back in a hearty laugh. I cocked an eyebrow. Hers was the worst

villain speech I'd ever heard - well, ever since "Batman Forever".

"How did you know about Ri In?" Junsu asked, the chilliness in his voice startling me. It echoed the tone he used on me at the pool the day he fired me, and it still made my stomach churn.

"Her laundry. She always looks so proper, then what are those black leather outfits doing in her loads?"

"She always does her own laundry."

"Not all the time," Yuri shrugged. "She can't always take them to dry-clean during busy times - like the engagement preparations. Maybe she thought I wouldn't notice, but if I did, who would expect a maid to spill secret? Maids know every secrets of a house. If all of them talked, PEOPLE magazine could bank on the news and wouldn't have to publish bad pictures of celebrities wearing the same dress anymore. Well, gotta say she's pretty good. I followed her one night to one of the clubs. Fierce!"

I was about to ask more when she waved her hand dismissively. "Enough chit-chat. Siwon!" Yuri called out, and the door clicked open. The taxi driver that kidnapped me walked in, carrying a laptop and put it on another chair next to Yuri. What, is she going to cut our heads off and broadcast it live on the Internet? Is she trying to get 1 million hit on youtube or what?

"I feel bad that you missed the wedding, Taeyeon-ah, so I recorded this for you. " She cooed in an oversweetened voice; it made me sick, like eating too much cotton candy that is not sugar, but actually cotton.

As Siwon retreated back outside, a video clip started to play on the screen. The wedding.

It was a little shaky at first as the cameraman tried to keep up with Ri In, who was walking gracefully up the aisle. The scene was exquisite. Two flower girls treaded slowly before her, sprinkling rose petals on the crimson carpet. One hand holding the white and lavender bouquet, the other hand she held firmly on the arm of her uncle, whose expression was so solemn you would think he was holding back the tears. Her head was slightly inclined, and she didn't look up until she saw Junsu's hand reaching out and took it with a smile.

I was glad the room was enveloped in darkness. When I titled my head back, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, no one seemed to notice. Junsu and Yuri were concentrating on the screen.

The video continued to unfold, its focus now at the altar. As Father was reading the opening prayer, I realized Junsu was squirming. He was slightly frowning and clenching

his jaws - a habit from long ago, whenever he was nervous or tried to concentrate. Changmin seemed to notice as well. He kept staring furiously at Junsu's side as if Junsu would "feel" the...vibe...whatever...from his eyes. Ah, Changmin, I know you want to get his attention, but that will only work if you don't shower.

"Kim Junsu," Father looked at Junsu, "will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others,

remain faithful to her, so long as you both shall live?"

Junsu gazed at an expectant and smiling Ri In. Father Cho started sweating and did what he does best - turning pale. The silence grew longer and longer until Changmin couldn't stand it anymore and jabbed his elbow at Junsu's side. Junsu snapped out his reverie, dug his hand into a pocket as if wanting to take out something, but changed his mind.

"Kim Junsu," Father cleared his throat, "will you have this woman...." "I can't."

HUH?

Everybody gasped in unison. Ri In covered her mouth, her eyes widening in horror. Mrs. Jang glowered, though remained in her seat as a proper lady should. Father Cho wiped the beads on his forehead:

"I...I beg your pardon?" "I can't marry her."

Junsu's voice echoed in the absolute silence of the church. Ri In's lips moved vaguely, unable to form words between tremors. Junsu turned and walked away.

"You bastard!" Changmin grasped Junsu by the scruff of his neck. Junsu glared back at him. "Let. Me. Go."

"You..." Changmin raised his fist, but Junsu didn't flinch. His determination was etched in his frown, and his eyes bore something much heavier than just a simple change of heart. Changmin gritted his teeth, looking confused and astonished at once.

At last, he loosened his grip. Junsu made a run for the car, not glancing back. At the end of the aisle, Ri In stood transfixed, her arms dangling lifelessly. Her eyes were wet.

When Sooyoung put an arm around her shoulders, a heartbreaking smile played across Ri

In's lips. Her tears flowed.

The video ended. Yuri closed the laptop and rested her chin on her hand, looking smugly at Junsu, whose breathing had become labored.

"Man," Yuri tutted. "she cries better than Choi Jiwoo. Not a single drop of snot!" My eyes grew wide. "Junsu, what happened?"

He felt in his pocket- the same one he was searching for something earlier at the wedding

- and took out two things.

The necklace that he gave me, and a picture of me being tied up, unconscious.

I held up my hands. Indeed, there were red marks in the shape of a rope around my wrists. A surge of anger rose fast from my guts and clogged my throat. I could feel the muscles of my entire body convulse, and before I knew it, I had hauled Yuri up by the shoulders.

"What. Have. You. Done." I growled through my clenched teeth.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Siwon along with some other men stormed in. Junsu immediately shielded me. Siwon crooked his index finger, and five of his underlings surrounded Junsu, while the other three yanked me off Yuri. She held up her hand.

"What are you guys doing? We're only having a friendly chat." "But..." Siwon protested.

"Out."

The steel in her voice had instant effect. The gang scooted out.

"Beautiful company you have," I said. "That short little buddy who held my right arm has more hair on his chest than I ever have on my head."

"You still have the spirit to wisecrack, huh?" Yuri squinted at me. "What does he see in you? To be honest, I wasn't 100% sure with my plan. Who would abandon his pretty, smart, perfect bride for such a dumb girl? And yet, when I sent one of my friends to give him my two wedding gifts, he flipped. You should have seen his face. Beautiful. Like he just saw death."

"You blackmailed him." I pursed my lips in disgust. "What did she tell you, Junsu?" "Her "friend" told me," Junsu said tiredly, "if I don't reject Ri In at the altar, they'll kill

you. They gave me an address. I went there, got ambushed, and taken blindfolded here." So it was me.

He left his wedding because of me. I had started it all. The origin of all sins. If I had listened to Changmin and left...If I hadn't been here....Yuri would have no way to make him dump his bride.

The wedding wrecker was me.

"Why did you believe her?" My voice was rising as fast as my fury. "Why didn't you call the police? She wouldn't dare to kill to anyone!"

"Taeyeon..."

"Why did you leave her? You guys...you guys were going to get married. Just a little bit more. Just an "I do". You're...you're an idiot!"

My voice cracked. Junsu looked at me hard, hurt glazing his eyes. I kept shouting. My chest hurt - I was panting now. I needed to hear my voice, to push out al the air in my lungs. Otherwise, I would explode.

"Why did you have to care about me? I'm none of your business, you hear me? Did you think how Ri In would feel?"

"Enough."

"I'm not done yet! I don't care what secrets you're hiding from me anymore. All of your cryptic talk. I'm out of your life. You were going to have a family, and I would go back to mine. Why can't you let me be? Yuri might be a psycho-"

"Yah!" Yuri yelped.

"....but murder is too much for her!" "Don't underestimate me, bitch!" "You shut up!" We both yelled at her.

"HEY!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. "I'M THE MAIN VILLAIN HERE! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE I'M NOT HERE? I SHOULD BE SHOUTING AT YOU, NOT YOU TWO SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER! SEE, I'M SHOUTING AT YOU! RIGHT NOW! HOW VILLAINOUS IS THAT, HUH?"

"Well..."

"AND BECAUSE I'M STIL SHOUTING MY THROAT HURTS! I NEED SOME WATER! I NEED TO FIX MY MAKE-UP, TOO! I WILL BE BACK! YOU TWO COOL DOWN AND ACT LIKE REAL VICTIMS SHOULD! CRY, SHIVER, WHATEVER!"

She stormed off in a huff. Junsu and I shared a sigh. We avoided each other's eyes, and each occupied a separate corner of the room. Junsu sat on the ground, resting his arms on his bent knees, eyes gazing absently ahead. I stood and closed my eyes, still trying to

fend off the lingering effect of the anesthesia.

When I opened my eyes again, Junsu was standing beside me with his arms crossed. "You alright?"

I nodded, feeling a faint tinge of blush crawling on my cheeks. We stood for a while, listening to the silence intermittently interrupted by our breaths.

"Sorry," I broke the silence. "Forget the things I said. I was just lashing out."

He smiled. A cool stream cracked open and diffused in my heart. I had missed this smile. "No, you were right," he shook his head. "It's just -" he shuffled his feet, "I couldn't

think straight. I saw the picture, and..."

His voice trailed off. He looked down, clenching his jaws as if he had said too much. It didn't take a genius to fill in the blank. I felt as though my windpipe had been cut off, and my heart was beating at a speed that would scare NASCAR.

"Thank you," I said softly. "I'm glad you're here." "Me too."

"Hey," I nudged him playfully with my shoulder. "That's mean! You're glad that I'm kidnapped?"

"No," he smiled, the no-joking way. "I'm glad that I'm here."

I don't even want to start to think what that's supposed to mean.

...so he meant he was glad that he was here. Here meant this dark...room, with flaking walls and rusty weird metal objects. Did he have a fetish for run-down rooms? Because otherwise, the only thing that could possibly be interesting was me.

Ah.

See? Thinking does you no good. It only gives you headaches! And sometimes, heartaches.

I held out my hand, palm up. "Give it back to me."

Junsu looked surprised. "Wh - Oh."

He took out the necklace and put it in my hand.

"So this is what you wanted to give me ten years ago," I said.

He nodded. "When four-leaf clover still meant something to you."

Still does, I thought.

I stroked the pendant with my thumb, trying to remember if I had any other keepsake from him. None. When we were kids, gifts were a luxury. On the two birthdays that I spent with him and friends at the orphanage, he had given me wild flowers and grass bracelet and folded-leaf grasshopper, all of which had withered, gone. This necklace was the last and only present from him that would stay.

I put it around my neck. The closure hook was tricky and kept slipping off my fingers. Without a word, Junsu took the hook with his fingers. Afraid that my hands would touch

his, I withdrew them with a start.

"It's dark. You can't see it," was my weak protest.

I could have leaped away. I could have slapped his hands and made him stand a thousand meters from me. My brain was churning out a million reasons why I shouldn't let him do this, yet my body froze. His breath was hot on my neck. His scent wafted under my nose, mild and pleasant.

I decided to say something else, just to distract myself. "You smell nice."

...so I said the first thing that came to my mind. Yes, I am aware that I sound creepy, thank you very much.

Junsu finally got the hook right. He chuckled. "Why do you always say I smell nice when

I'm full of sweat?" "Really?"

"Last time on the train, I didn't dare move, because your head was on my shoulder. My back was against the seat for the whole time, of course I sweated a bit."

"Oh." I grinned sheepishly, having yet to forget about the amount of saliva I left on his shoulders. Ladies and gents, Ms. Kim Taeyeon, The Romantique.

"And if you haven't noticed, there's no air-conditioner in here." "Then your sweat smells nice."

"Thank you."

"You should think of selling it. A whole new category of fragrance." "I should. Will you be grossed out?"

"No way. I'll charge you for the idea, though."

He laughed. The sound rang in my ears like a song. I never think of myself as funny, but somehow, I could make Junsu laugh. It used to be embarrassing - I thought he laughed at me. Now I heard the joy in it, so I didn't mind anymore. People had laughed at me

before, and it wasn't the same. No one would hear me say "I'm talking to the tree" and with absolutely no mockery in their voice asked me what the conversation was about. No one would laugh with me, like Kim Junsu did.

"Didn't I say you should act more like victims?"

The door cracked open, and Yuri sashayed in, this time with company. She sat down on the chair again, with Siwon on her left and the rest of the gang behind her, looking all cool and collected as if they had jumped out from a very bad mob movie. Junsu stepped

forward to stand between me and them. I tapped his shoulder reassuringly, and stepped up from behind his back. He took my hand and squeezed it tight.

"You seem to be enjoying yourselves," she remarked snidely.

"It's great!" I retorted. "One creepy light bulb dangling overhead, dust, rusty metals, a walking-talking shrieking machine, and hungry-looking dudes that look like they're gonna eat me alive. Man, this is like Las Vegas! Never enjoyed myself so much before."

"Why did you do all this, Yuri?" Junsu asked calmly. "I know we're not a family of Santa

Clauses, but we didn't treat you badly."

"Didn't treat me badly?" she scoffed. "How would you know about being treated well or badly? You're rich. You never have to worry about -"

"Can we have your class struggle speech later please?" I interjected. "Cut the crap and tell us what this is all about."

Yuri stood up abruptly and with a move so swift we didn't have time to react, she had slapped me across the face. I managed to stay in my position, but my eyes almost burst from the hit.

"Watch your mouth. It won't be a slap next time."

I snickered (ouch, my jaw hurts!). "Will it be a kiss? I'm thrilled."

"Then what is it, Yuri?" Junsu cut in before Yuri could launch another ninja attack. "What is it that makes you want to hurt me and Ri In so much?"

Yuri ignored him and turned to me. "Did Choi Seunghyun tell you about the accident?"

I frowned. "How did you know about Choi -" She smiled and smoothed her dress. I took the hint. "You were that girl. The girl who pretended to be me and went to Mr. Choi before me."

"Did he tell you about the driver in the other car?"

I nodded like a robot. Her voice was stroking my back like an icy hand. For the first time since I woke up in this room, I felt fear. Who is this girl? What had she been doing that we weren't aware of?

"Remember his name?" Yuri prodded.

"Kwon Jiyong. What does he have to do with -" Kwon Jiyong.

Kwon Yuri. Kwon.

I gulped, staring wide-eyed at her. She smirked meaningfully.

"He was a kind man. My father would never kill even an ant - that caused a little trouble in the kitchen, you know, all rats and cockroaches and stuff, but he made sure it was always clean for us. He worked for an advertising company. He was so talented, so full of fresh ideas. Each minute of his life was a treasure to him, because he wanted to work as much as possible when his creative juice was still flowing, without missing out on his daughter's childhood."

Junsu looked at Yuri with mixed emotions, his face contorted. "It wasn't Mr. Jang's fault," I cried. "It was an accident."

"It was not!" She slammed the chair hard. "Didn't Choi Seunghyun tell you? Somebody messed with his car!"

"That's why it has nothing to do with the Jang family!"

Yuri let out a piercing long laugh, the kind that sent chills down your spine because it sounded too much like a painful cry. "Why don't you ask your handsome lover what he knows?"

"Junsu," I tugged his hand, "what does she mean? What do you know?" He let go of my hand and shook his head in horror.

Yuri said coldly. "If you don't tell her, I will."

"Taeyeon..." he started, his voice hoarse, his eyes lost in pain, "the person who drained the oil of Mr. Jang's car...was me."

23.

In the short eighteen year span of my life, I have had my fair share of pains, physical and emotional. They are like patterns of a kaleidoscope, no pain is ever the same as the last. My first taste of pain was paralyzing, like a monster swallowing me up alive. When the lady next door crouched down to hug me and whispered through her sobs that my parents would never come back, my senses shut down. I was too young to grasp the meaning of death, but old enough to know that there would be no more bedside stories in mom's sweet voice, or being lifted up in the air and whirled around in dad's strong arms. I cried for weeks. Crying isn't hard when you are a child. Without your parents, you are so

small, so helpless, so scared. I couldn't move - or live - for a long time.

Then came Micky's death, and Junsu's departure. I didn't cry as much - living in the orphanage trained me well. But the pain stayed. Had it not been for the belief that Junsu would come back, I would have been one of those maudlin teenagers with crazy hair - sort of like Changmin's when he's in his rock-mood - and torn clothes, owning a truckload of CDs with songs about death and heartbreaks. Looking back, I could see that the pain had never truly dissipated. It came back in full force, stronger, nastier, when Junsu was getting married to Ri In, and when I read Micky's diary. Déjà vu. Junsu was leaving one more time, and Micky died anew.

And I thought it couldn't get worse than that.

"You're lying," I shook my head frantically. "Yuri made you say that. She's blackmailing you again, right?"

"As if!" Yuri spat, "Kim Junsu, tell her how you caused the accident and killed your best friend. Tell her how your stupid, selfish, childish desire cost three lives."

"I don't believe it. He was a child. He couldn't do such a thing!"

"Why not?" Yuri angrily threw up her arms. "You still think he's your innocent childhood sweetheart?"

"You," I pointed my finger at her, yelling myself hoarse, "you're insane! You're just making this up. The accident wouldn't happen if Mr. Kwon had paid more attention! They found his phone open on the floor. He was talking on the phone while driving fast! You need somebody to blame for your father's death, don't you? You can't let it go, so you have to -"

"SHUT UP!" Yuri screeched furiously and pounced on me, ready to knock me out with another slap. "HOW DARE YOU-"

When her hand almost reached my face, instinctively I squeezed my eyes shut. Nothing happened. I opened my eyes. Junsu had caught her hand in the nick of time.

"Stay away from her."

Yuri huffed and yanked herself off Junsu's grip. He took a deep breath, and looked straight into my eyes.

"Yoochun and I used to hang out at a garage in town and help them with some errands for pocket money. I watched them. When Mr. Jang was inside packing Yoochun's stuff, I sneaked out and -" He broke off and set his jaw.

My knees buckled. A stinging pain throbbed at the back of my eyes. My mouth hung open, dry. I uttered a cry, but it was so weak even I couldn't hear it.

"I didn't know you would be on the car," Junsu said quietly. "I didn't know the car would stop when there was another car right behind it."

"That doesn't make you innocent!" shrilled Yuri.

Junsu smiled and dropped his gaze. "No, it doesn't. When I found out that Yoochun asked to be adopted so that I could stay, I panicked. I asked Ri In's aunt to change her mind, but she wouldn't hear of it. So I thought, if I could detain them here a little longer, maybe I could persuade them. Or we could run away. Anything. Anything would do. Anything but to let him go. Anything but to leave -" he paused, turning to me with longing, pleading eyes, "her."

"And you got away with it," Yuri was trembling now, her fists clenching by her sides. "The Jang family took you in and erased any record that could harm you. You weren't even tortured by remorse. You fucking lost your memory! How convenient!"

So that how it was. The reason why he said he couldn't forgive himself for what he had done to me. The reason why he kept pushing me away. Simple as that, the secret I had been begging him to tell. Such was the irony of secrets: you trade your life for them, only to let them stab you to death. I thought of Micky. Would he know the truth from up there? He was a good kid, so he must have gone to Heaven. Did they tell him? How would he feel? Angels don't gossip, do they?

I fell down on my knees, wrapping myself in my own embrace. The room wasn't cold, why did I keep shivering? Junsu and Yuri were still arguing, their voices slipping by my ears as if coming from thousands of miles away.

"I still can't believe she adopted you," scoffed Yuri. "The woman's got some twisted compassion."

Junsu closed his eyes. "It was all for Ri In. I was the only one that could calm her." "Was that why you left?" I spoke up abruptly. "You did all that to be with me, and then

you left without a word?" I did not mean to sound accusing, but my voice came out bitter, half-choked, full of unshed tears.

Junsu knelt down on one knee so that his eyes were level with mine. I looked away. "Taeyeon, look at me," he pleaded.

I couldn't. If I met his eyes, I would burst out crying like an idiot.

He put his fingers under my chin and forced me to face him. "I had to. I committed a crime, and I had to pay for it." He looked up at Yuri. "Would you be a little less angry, if you knew why umma adopted me?"

"Indulge me," she said sarcastically.

"I wasn't amnesiac when I met her. She was...just like you, devastated, vengeful. She adopted me because she wanted to constantly remind me what I had done: a widow and a fatherless child."

I brought a hand over my mouth to stifle my gasp. Yuri raised her eyebrows, obviously surprised, too. "That's...that's..."

"When I started living in her house," Junsu continued slowly. "I had nightmares every night. I kept replaying the image of Taeyeon and Yoochun in the hospital. And there was homesickness. I couldn't eat, or even talk, sometimes had memory lapse for days. I -" he ran a hand over his face, the frown on his forehead deepened, "- I became a danger rather than a protector to Ri In. So...umma took me to a hypnotist to wipe out the deadly memories."

An image of Junsu writhing in anguish, screaming incoherent words from the nightmares flashed in my mind. Almost involuntarily I reached for his hand, clasping it gently. His face was half hidden in the shadow, half exposed by the glimmer of light from the sole light bulb overhead. How did it look like - this beautiful face - when he was haunted by those nightmares?

Why couldn't I be with him when he was suffering?

"Thank you for the extremely entertaining story," Yuri had switched back to her villain mode, her cherry lips adorned with an unfailing smirk. "Don't you agree, Ri In-sshi?"

Junsu and I both snapped our heads up at the name. The door open and to our horror, being escorted in by the hairy fellow was none other than Jang Ri In. She was still wearing the wedding dress, whose sweep train had turned slightly gray from the dust it inadvertently took on from the dirty ground. Her shoulders were bare without the airy veil, and her hands were tied, void of the flower bouquet. Tears were streaming down, leaving streaks of black mascara on the impeccable rosy cheeks. If there were wings on her back, she could have been mistaken for a fallen angel.

Junsu stood up slowly, unable to articulate his shock. "Ri...Ri...In?"

She bit his lips as if to stop herself from screaming, and stared at him with eyes that could easily wring anyone's heart.

"Cat got your tongue, handsome?" sneered Yuri. "Ri In, would you like something to stab him with? You heard him - he killed your beloved appa. You should thank me for preventing you from marrying him."

Junsu glowered at Yuri. "Ri In has nothing to do with this! Your revenge was for me. Why do you have to drag her and Taeyeon into this?"

"Because you care about them," Yuri said simply. "Isn't this more fun, Kim Junsu? I could have framed you and had you locked in prison. But witnessing the ones you love being put in danger for your sake is so much more exciting, don't you think?"

Junsu took a step back, staggering.

"To be honest," Yuri stroked Ri In's cheek, "I didn't mean to drag her in. After all, she's been treating me well. I tried to tell that idiot," I knew she meant me, "about the secret, even gave her the diary as a hint..."

"...so that's how Ri In's dad and my father died ."

It didn't make sense back then, at the bakery. I was tuning her out, completely oblivious to what she was talking about.

"...hoping that she would get angry and destroy you. Too bad she's too dumb. Even if she's secretly smart, she's too obsessed with you to do anything."

She had a point. Not the "Taeyeon is dumb" part, of course. The bitch totally, totally underestimated me.

However, she didn't underestimate what I felt. I would never hurt Junsu, even in my wildest imagination.

"And, sweetie," she turned to face Ri In, "you deserve this anyway. If it hadn't been for your stupid play, your father wouldn't have had to rush back home like that. I bet he was speeding."

"Shut up!" Ri In shook her head vehemently. "I don't want to know any of this! Get me out of here! I don't want to see any of you!"

"She's right," Junsu walked up to Yuri, his hands clenching so tight his knuckles had turned white. "Let her and Taeyeon go. I know you're not a bad person, Yuri. You can do whatever you want with me - I'll suffer for your amusement. Jail, torture, exile, whatever. Just let them go."

Yuri made a face. "You're not in a position to bargain, sweetheart. I can do whatever I want with you, you, and you," she pointed at each of us, "and no one can stop me. Now," she clapped, and on cue, the gang surrounded us and tied Junsu and me up, "shall we play a game?"

...

There are enough reasons to suspect Yuri had watched too many detective dramas. The drugging-in-the-taxi sounded vaguely CSI-NY-ish. The kidnapping - well, the kidnapping is in every freaking drama, even Hana Yori Dango! And now, the empty bridge scene.

We were standing on one of the many bridges that hung across the Han River, except this bridge was extremely old and in bad shape. Huge chunks were missing from the foot of the supports at one end, signaling an imminent collapse. It was already dark, I could see the colorful lights from downtown buildings afar. Only Yuri, Siwon, and the hairy dude - he is seriously hairy, ok? - pulled us on the bridge, the rest of the gang stayed behind to keep watch.

But maybe Yuri didn't borrow this from drama. She looked the real thing - gladly to inform: the trio had guns. I sincerely hoped they were toy guns, except I didn't want to test that out. A theory was forming in my head. She was going to force us to jump and make it look like a group suicide. That's smart, because Korea does have one of the highest suicide rates, and since there's the Han River - the famous river in national history - people like to honor the country by jumping off Han-River bridges. But

seriously, who do group suicide nowadays? As if people thought suicide was so much fun they had to call their friends to join, like playing Pac man or smoking pot.

"Welcome to the special stage," Yuri curtsied - though she had lost the wedding outfit and changed into a simple tank top and jeans - and threw her arm up with a flourish. "Now..."

"Why do you have to go this far?" I interrupted, hoping to stall for some more time. Neighborhoods like this are notorious for gang violence, and dead bodies - suicide or not

- are often found washed up to the shore. Usually police don't even patrol here - it's a marked territory sort of thing. Maybe we would be lucky. Maybe a policeman would randomly walk past this area and realize something was wrong.

But then I remembered tonight was the final match of the K-League - national soccer championship.

We're doomed.

"Killing us...," I was convinced that she was going to, "killing us doesn't bring your father back!"

"But it will make me happy!" snapped Yuri. "Do you even know what I have gone through all these years? After my father died, my mom remarried right away. My stepfather was a jerk, so I ran away -"

"There are relatives, you know..." I blurted. "...and got involved with the SHINEE gang-" "Shiny? You guys shine shoes for a living?"

"-I was beaten up, humiliated, almost got raped -" "Fuck, Yuri!" Siwon whined, "I only saw your abs!"

"-But I worked my way up and became the right hand man-"

"Left hand," the hairy dude corrected, "right hand man is Jonghyun. Also, Yuri, left-hand

woman."

"Dude," Siwon clucked, "don't be sexist."

"SHUT THE FUC.K UP ALL OF YOU! I'M TALKING HERE! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M TELLING A TRAGIC TALE ABOUT MY TRAUMATIC CHILDHOOD?"

"Sorry," we mumbled.

She looked daggers at Junsu. "All of that was your fault. Now pay your due."

Yuri gestured for Junsu to step forward and turn to face Ri In and me. "Look at these two beauties - oops, correction, one beauty and one plain Jane." I swear, if we could escape, I would make her pay for this insult - maybe make her go on "A Shot At Love" or similar, "I know you like both, but you can only choose one. The one you pick will have the

honor of being pushed down the bridge by Yours Truly." Junsu shook his head firmly. "I can't do that."

"This is not a fucking market! No bargain! Either you choose, or both of them die."

Junsu tensed his arms in a furtive attempt to break open the rope around his wrists, his chest muscle rippling under his white shirt as he did so. He uttered a frustrated curse, while Yuri watched with amusement, the gun still level in her hand. I turned to look at Ri In, so quickly my neck almost snapped. Incidentally she did the same, and our eyes met. I bit my lips and tried to tell her, "It's alright, Junsu will find a way," by widening my eyes and blinking excessively. That may have worked if my eyes were LCD screens. She

coldly averted my gaze and addressed Junsu in low tones. "You don't have to choose. I'll jump."

They had blind-folded us on the way here, but in the van, we could hear Ri In's quiet sobs. They pierced our hearts deeper than screaming and bawling could ever do. When we got on the bridge, she seemed to have settled down a bit. I thought she was getting herself together.

I thought wrong.

"Ri In!" Junsu grimaced with concern. "What are you talking about?"

A fleeting smile plastered on her lips. "I was a bride left at the altar, how am I supposed to go back? The person I love lied to me, killed my father, and has somebody else on his mind. Oppa, was the ten years we shared all a lie? Some kind of guilt trip and redemption?"

"No! What we ha-what we had was real. When I first told you I loved you, I meant it." "What about now?"

"I...Ri In...." he faltered and stole a glance at me, one quick glance loaded with ten years of meaning. "So much has happened. Even if I answer you truthfully, will you believe me?"

"Coward," Yuri snickered.

"It doesn't matter," darkness clouded her face, even her voice. "I don't need your love. You killed my father."

"He didn't kill your father!" I said angrily to Ri In. "It was an accident. Sure, he was at fault, but -look, Ri In, your lover didn't kill your father. A child made a mistake, a huge mistake that cost lives," that stinging sensation throbbed against my eye socks once more; tears threatened to fall as I recalled Micky's diary. Although I was speaking to Ri In, it

was as if I was talking to myself, reasoning with myself. Shouldn't I be angry at Junsu? Shouldn't I hate Junsu? "And you want to die because of a man? That's one of the most stupid reasons for suicide. We're not jumping anywhere just because Ms. Psychotic is pointing a gun at us and threaten to shoot if we don't!"

...right. Always the smarty, Taeyeon.

Ri In gave me a look of serene hatred, then stared straight into Junsu's eyes. "I remember when you first told me you loved me. It was on that trip to Japan. Changmin got sick and had to stay at the hotel, while we went to a Buddhist temple, and tried to toss our prayers on the Wishing Tree. Your message dropped, and I caught it - "Please let me be with Ri

In for ever". I-"

"Please, cut it out!" Yuri snarled. "Is this a ploy to make me vomit to death? I'd shoot you right now to save time, except I don't want to. The cops can trace us down through the bullets," she tossed her head at Junsu, "Chop chop! Pick one! Ri In is too pretty, she'll get murdered by some jealous bit.ch out there; Taeyeon is too dumb, she will starve when gas price sky-rockets. Don't feel too bad, either way, you'll be doing natural selection a favor."

Junsu took no heed of Yuri and closed his eyes, breathing slowly and deeply as if meditating. I rubbed my wrists together - damn, the rope is itchy, I'm going to die with rash on my wrists! Beads of sweat started crawling down my neck, my heart pulsated in an unnatural rhythm. Who was he going to save, and he would he let die? If - just if - I lived, and Ri In died, Junsu would torture himself forever, and I wouldn't be able to have a peaceful mind either. If I died...

I never thought of death. There was always something going on in my life - whether it was Ihnwan pooping in his pants or the rare sight of a rainbow - that made me excited, made me wake up with a start and hunger for the day. I was too busy to imagine that one day, all those things would have to end. Now that I was facing it, I was frightened, scared stiff. I wanted to take care of the kids. I wanted to travel. I wanted to have a family, because while the orphanage was a nice home, there was something inside me that still yearned for the traditional mom-dad-child atmosphere. Would Jaejoong be sad? I didn't want to hurt him more than I already did. Would Sister Moon and Sister Lee blame themselves for letting me go?

Would Junsu miss me?

He wouldn't be able to choose. Yuri would go absolutely nuts and kill all of us. Then Junsu would die.

Maybe...death isn't that scary, as long as you don't think too much about it. I don't know how to swim, so if I jumped, I would die more quickly and easily. The only thing that bothered me was the stigma of suicide. When people come to my funeral, what would they say? "Ah, she committed suicide by jumping from an ugly bridge!" No way! I wanted to die...in a more significant, pretty and honorable way (like, on a bed of roses or being run over by a truck in an attempt to save someone).

But...as long as Junsu lives, does it matter if my dead body is all bloated and rotten and stinky?

Well, at least I went off the beaten path. No being run over by the subway. "Junsu," I mustered the little confidence left, "I'll jump."

Even as I said the words, I still didn't believe that I would really, really exterminate my existence. For some bizarre reason I had this strong belief that things would turn out alright. Maybe a dolphin was waiting for me down the river to carry me back to the shore

- that is, if the river is not too polluted. Or maybe as my body touched the water I would have super swimming powers.

You may call me a blind believer, but I like to think of myself as an extreme optimist. Junsu opened his eyes and held up his hands, motioning me to wait.

"If I pick the person to jump, how would I be sure you'd let the other go?" Junsu

regarded Yuri sternly. "For all I know, you might as well let one jump and shoot the other, just for the heck of it."

"No bar-"

"If you can't guarantee, I'll let you do whatever to all of us."

Yuri squinted menacingly and thrust the gun at Junsu's temple. He didn't flinch. She slowly pulled the trigger.

Ri In let out a blood-curdling scream. I struggled violently to escape the hairy dude's grasp, in vain.

"BAM!" Yuri let go of the trigger, but didn't pull it all the way. "Scared?"

"I stand my ground," Junsu shrugged coolly.

"Fine," barked Yuri sullenly. "I'll let the lucky bit.ch go."

Junsu nodded. "Taeyeon," my heart leapt to my throat when he called my name, his raspy voice so familiar, yet so strange. "I'm sorry."

He picked Ri In. And let me jump.

I slouched my shoulders, sighing inwardly, slightly relieved. At least he decided. I was going to jump anyway. The funny thing was, I was less fearful than before. Yuri thought of a convenient, brilliant method. Whoever he chose to die would be too heartbroken to live, hence she might as well jump.

"Oh?" Yuri cocked an eyebrow, surprised, and beckoned for Siwon to take Ri In down the bridge. Then she wagged her finger at Ri In. "If you call the police, I'll be forgiving and stop his suffering with a bullet in the head, you hear me?"

Ri In nodded. She gazed at Junsu for the longest time, and slightly leaning in, she beamed at him.

"I wish Yuri made you jump. I would have been down there to catch you."

We all appeared confused by her enigmatic goodbye, but perhaps it was something philosophical and poetic that we didn't get. We waited until the darkness swallowed her and Siwon whole at the end of the bridge. Yuri tapped her feet impatiently, waiting some more for Siwon's confirmation that Ri In was safe. The hush of the night embraced us. I observed Junsu. His face was calm and didn't give away much. I tried to take in his appearance as much as possible - the contour of his full, slightly pouty lips, his sharp nose, the long tails of his eyes. Hopefully, I would still have my memory when I go to Heaven.

Hey, I WILL go to Heaven, right? I mean, I'm not a bad person.

Although I did hope God forgot the deals I made with him. There were too many. Like the chicken in exchange for that Math exam in 10th grade. And some other things.

Yuri's phone rang at last. She picked up, mumbled something and turned on the speaker

so that Junsu could hear. Ri In informed us that she was safe. Siwon dropped her off in an unfamiliar neighborhood, so she would have to walk to find a cab home.

"Can we get to business now, prima donna?" Yuri asked Junsu. "I have another request."

"What? So now every time I want to shoot somebody in the face, I have to ask them first if they want any drinks or makeup? Let me tell you, I don't give a rat's ass what -"

"Let me push Taeyeon down." WHAT?

All our eyes bulged out. Not only did he let me die, he wanted to execute me himself? Something wasn't right.

"Wow, a whole new level of cruelty. Two thumbs up!" the hairy dude stuck up his thumb.

Yuri burst out laughing. "Oh boy, and I thought you cared for her. Kim Taeyeon, looks like you just got sold down the river - oopsie, excuse the clever pun."

I fidgeted uncomfortably. No matter what Yuri and her underling said, I still had a

nagging feeling that Junsu was up to something. My belief had little ground. I just simply refused to accept that he was cruel.

"Will you let me?" Junsu asked again.

"I don't know. I quite enjoy the pushing. Plus, who knows what you're up to?"

"I'll feel more guilty if I do it myself. Isn't that what you want? You have two guns and a hairy man - sorry, dude, you are - and my hands are tied. What's my chance?"

Yuri thought about it. "Fine. This is my paying back for that time you killed the rat for me. After this I don't owe you anything. Don't hold grudges and tattle to Hades or whoever runs Hell when you're down there. "

Yuri loosened the knot of the rope so that Junsu could use his hands to push me properly

- with palms and all. The hairy dude pushed me to the edge and retreated back to Yuri's side, holding me up at gunpoint.

Junsu stepped forward, facing me, his back to Yuri. He closed the distance between us. My breathing quickened. I would die right now of hyperventilating before I could drown.

"Taeyeon," he whispered low enough for only me to hear, "I have a plan." I KNEW IT! "Do you trust me?"

Scared that Yuri would get suspicious, I didn't dare nod, but blinked. I do.

"Hey, hurry up! We don't have all the time in the world!" Yuri yelped. "This is not a fucking kdrama!"

"One moment," Junsu smiled, not even looking at them. He gently bent down and pressed his lips hard against mine.

We kissed.

For God knows how long.

It was all soft and suffocating and dreamy and sweet. My vision blurred. My whole body burnt, engulfed in the kind of heat that made my knees tremble. I froze, at once yearned

to burn off this rope and throw my arms around his neck and feel his heart beating against mine. If I really had to cease living this very second, I would be too deep in bliss to

notice the change. Then I cried.

Junsu pulled away in a panic. "What's wrong? Did I bite your or something?" "No," I laughed slightly. "It's-it's just...I'm just-" Too happy. "Is this the plan?" "No. Just something I wanted to do."

"Yuck!" Yuri mimed throwing up. "That's enough. That's as far as my kindness goes. Push her down, now!"

"Ready?" Junsu asked me with a smile. I sucked in a lungful of air and nodded. "NOW!"

Junsu shouted, and at the speed of light pulled his arms over my head - his hands still loosely tied - to pull me in his embrace.

We jumped. Both of us.

Loud noise of gunshots chased us, but we were falling fast. I couldn't see anything -my cheek was pressed against his chest. It was like all the organs of my stomach were spilling out and upward, and my chest was bursting open for heart and blood and what have you to fly out.

"BREATHE!" Junsu screamed. I gulped the air.

Splash, we shot through the water surface. Junsu had quickly pulled his arms off my

body, and was using his free hands to untie the rope on my wrists. I puffed out my cheeks to hold my breath. My lungs wanted to burst. I started to feel dizzy. The pressure was

tearing my head apart. My vision was getting dimmer and dimmer.

Whoosh. It went black. I was gone.

...

"Taeyeon? Can you hear me? Taetae?"

My eyes fluttered open to the sound of Jaejoong's sweet, worried voice.

It took me a few minutes to realize the room wasn't spinning and my vision had not turned into that of a bat. Everything was blurry at first, but began to take on shapes and colors.

Except Jaejoong's hair.

"Jae," I spoke, and immediately regretted it. My throat hurt like hell, as if a cat had honed its claws with it. I managed with difficulty. "Jae, why...why is your hair...gr-gray?"

I lifted my arm to point at his head - and realized that I was attached to a steroid tube, ow!

Jaejoong heaved a deep sigh, and turned to-oh, there was another man in the room, a doctor. I thought he was a cloud.

They both shook their heads in that grave way they always do in the hospital.

"Tae, you..." Jaejoong choked as if holding back the tears. He stroked my hand tenderly. "You have been in a coma for twenty years. Even I the God of Beauty can't stand the test of time. I guess it's time to go back to the hair salon."

T-twenty years?

I had been lying here, on the hospital bed, for...for twenty years?

That means-that can only mean I had missed the grand finale of Grey's Anatomy? I was dying to know who Meredith would end up sleeping with for the rest of her life!

And and and I had become an old maid! How could I possibly get married? It's so competitive these days - every thirty-something and even forty-something wants to be Samsoon and have their own Samshik!

"Do you remember Ihnwan?" Jaejoong waved a hand at the doctor. "He became a doctor for you. He wanted to bring you back to life himself."

Aw, Ihnwan. I wish I had fed him more. Look, he was so short now! "Jaejoong," I had noticed his empty ring finger, "are you still..."

He caught my glance and looked at the finger himself. "Yeah." He smiled softly and put my hand over his heart. "I've been waiting for you."

...okay, enough comedy for the day. "How long? 2 hours?" He feigned a gasp. "What are you talking about?"

"Please. Your hair is sticking out under your wig!"

"Gee," he grumbled and pulled the grandpa wig off his head, revealing the perfectly groomed, black-like-charcoal hair. "You're no fun." He slipped the "doctor" twenty bucks and shooed him out of the room. "How are you feeling?"

I sat up slowly. Besides feeling like I was throwing up every five seconds, there was nothing serious.

"Stinky," I sniffed myself. "God, that river is disgustingly polluted."

Jaejoong pretended to smell me, and pulled me into a big, tight hug. "You smell fine to me. I can't get enough of this smell. Do you know how worried I was?"

That brought me back to reality. "How is Junsu?" I asked urgently. "Is he alright?" Jaejoong pantomimed an arrow piercing through his heart, then sighed. "A bullet in his

back." "What?"

"Just a flesh wound." "I gotta go find him."

"He is alright, Taeyeon. You must rest." Jaejoong insisted.

"I'm fine, Jae," I grinned and flapped my arms. "See? I can fly like Batman if you want me to."

Before he could pin me down on the bed and sit on my head, I yanked off the steroid, jumped off the bed - ouch, everything is wobbling! - and dashed out. I found the reception desk and got Junsu's room number. My heart thumped louder and louder as I drew nearer and nearer to the door. It took me a few seconds of hesitation to knock.

"Come in."

The sound of his familiar raspy voice was reassuring. I carefully opened the door, afraid that a loud sound would make him jump and fall off the bed. That wouldn't be nice.

"Hey." He greeted simply.

I was about to smile when I saw Ri In sitting on the visitor's chair. We exchanged an awkward glance.

"I'm leaving. Goodbye, Junsu." She stood up and walked out without giving us a second look.

Junsu was sitting up, the pillows cushioned him from the wall. He wore the usual patient pajamas, the shirt unbuttoned to reveal huge bandages draping across his chest. His face was pale. I felt something tighten in my stomach.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. Just a scratch." He smiled, but immediately frowned when he saw my bare feet. "Why are you already walking around like this? Go rest."

"I'm okay." He gave a doubtful look. I nodded like mad. "Really." "Have a seat," he gestured toward the chair.

I sat down, feeling a little odd. The heat from Ri In lingered. How long had she been sitting here?

"Thank you. For jumping with me." I said sincerely. I didn't want to bring up why he picked me.

Or why he kissed me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in danger. I had no choice." "So...what happened? Did a magical whale come and save us?"

He laughed, then winced from the pain of the injury. "Yeah, in the shape of a water police boat."

"Wow. How did they know?" "Changmin."

My jaw dropped. "Changmin?"

Junsu nodded. "When he grabbed my neck at the wedding, I slipped Yuri's blackmail

note into his inside pocket. He must have felt the touch, otherwise he'd have punched me senseless."

I chuckled.

"He told Ri In. That's why she wasn't thrown off-guard when they got her. She had switched her phone on, speed-dialed Changmin, and hid it...in...in..." he suddenly blushed profusely.

"Her panty." I fought the urge to crack up.

"Right. Changmin heard her argue with the kidnappers - they didn't sedate her," so that she could hear Junsu's confession - my blood boiled when I flashed on the scene. "...and called the police. They used the GPS to locate her."

"Did you know all this?"

"Not until she started talking about the Japan trip. We have never been to Japan. It was the code we designed when playing games years ago," Junsu explained. "The first sentences were just a context set-up. String the first two words of each sentence and you'll understand."

I pursed my lips, racking my brain to recall what Ri In said.

Changmin got sick and had to stay at the hotel... Your message dropped...

" "Changmin got your message" ? " He nodded.

"What about what she said to you before she left? A code, too?"

"Just a subtle way to tell me to jump. Even if the police came in time, it was dangerous to stay in the midst of gunfire."

"How..." I widened my eyes, "...how could you tell? She sounded so...Shakespearean. I

couldn't understand a word."

His smile waned a little. "It's..." he trailed off, averting his eyes. I looked down at my twirling thumbs.

It was because he got her. They had been together for so long that there was nothing

about either of them that would escape the other.

24.

"That's really cool," I said a little too cheerfully. "You guys can read each other's mind. Like Professor X! You know, X-men. So cool. Just not as creepy. Do you watch X-men? Wolverine is a hunk! There's gonna be a new movie just for him because he's hot and the other X-men are not..."

"Taeyeon," Junsu said amidst my rambling about X-men. "Huh?"

Junsu shifted uncomfortably on his bed. "Ri In wants to call off the wedding." I happily pounced on him and ripped his pajamas off.

...nah, just kidding. What do you think we are? Porn stars?

In actuality, I couldn't even move. My hands were clenched tightly into fists on my

knees, my shoulders hunching. Should I jump up and down prancing around like a newly released mental patient, or throw myself off the top of the hospital? Should I be happy that she was giving up? What about Junsu? I searched his face for signs of distress. Whatever that kiss on the bridge meant, whatever wavering he had before the wedding, Junsu was a man of determination. He never once considered the thought of deserting Ri In, or if he had, he sure hid it well. Was he hurt by her decision? What would his decision be?

As lame as it might sound, for a split second, I dreamed.

Of my chance. My second shot. But I quickly shook if off. It seemed too unrealistic. Too cruel.

"How do you feel about that?" I asked, and immediately wanted to bite my tongue off. Isn't it like asking someone who just has his arm sawed off, "how do you feel about your arm?"

He put a hand over the bandage on his chest. "I saw it coming."

"Maybe you should let her calm down a bit," I said. "Postponing the wedding for a couple of months and let things return to normal."

Junsu shook his head, a strained smile stretched on his unparted lips. Who was I kidding, really? It takes more than understanding to forgive. It takes a love beyond sanity for Ri In to look at Junsu and not be reminded of her father's death. Even now as I was facing

Junsu, the image of Micky kept flashing by, his diary confessions twisting my heart.

"I don't know how long this delay will last," Junsu said at last, "I'll take care of all the honeymoon reservations."

I waved a hand. "Don't worry, Jaejoong and I know what to do."

"Thanks," Junsu nodded gratefully. He stood up and got from under the bed another pair of slippers. Wordlessly he took my feet in his hands and slipped the slippers on them. I felt a jolt the moment his fingertips touched my skin and nearly jumped.

"Don't catch a cold," he said, holding on to my feet. My toes curled from the warmth of his hands.

I mumbled a goodbye, slid off the chair and made a beeline for the hallway. As soon as I

reached my room, I slammed the door shut and collapsed on the floor, panting.

If one is not destined for happiness, why let her have a glimpse of it, and forever take it away?

Frustrated, I let out a loud scream and waggled my head. "Are the doctors here aware that you're nuts?"

I snapped my head up and saw Changmin leaned on the window with his arms crossed. Jaejoong was sitting on the opposite side, flipping casually a GQ magazine. I had rushed into the room too quickly to notice that they were there, witnessing my entire emo episode.

"Don't know." I shot Changmin a look. "I do know however they have an inpatient on the run in this room. When did you get out, Changmin?"

He looked me up and down. "You look healthy."

"Gee, how did you know? My patient pajamas or the fact that I'm occupying a room in the hospital?"

"Whatever," he grunted and pointed at a plastic bag full of fruit and milk on the table. "Choke on those and die. Bye."

"Changmin," Jaejoong said not lifting his gaze from the magazine. "If you ever change your mind, let me know."

Changmin sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, looking ready to explode. I peered at Jaejoong. What happened between these two? Hopefully not something like, Changmin: "yo, man, you're way too gay to be straight", then Jaejoong:

"dude, you're way too rude to be human".

As if reading my mind, Jaejoong raised his head and shrugged. "I advised him to change his shampoo or put on some cologne. With the money he has there's hardly any reason to smell like a hobo."

Changmin glared at Jaejoong with that "up yours" look and walked out. I pranced after him.

"Hey, wait up." I simpered and rocked back and forth on my feet. "Thanks for everything."

"Huh?" Changmin gave a lazy snort.

"You know, the police, the food, the visit. I know you don't want to admit it but you're a sensitive, kind and nice guy inside, under that tough, rough, spiky, stinky little cover of yours. I know you just appear rude to everyone to disguise the softness of your soul, because you don't want to get hurt..."

Aw, was he going to cry because I moved him so much? And suddenly find a piano and play a ballad for me?

But he said nothing and made a move back toward the room. "Yah, what are you doing?" I yelped.

"Taking back the food. Then call the police to put you in jail." "Yah!"

He stopped. "Don't do that again." "Do what?"

"Call me nice."

I made a face but nodded. We chatted a bit about the kidnapping. Changmin revealed Yuri had managed somehow to escape the raid and was wanted by the police. They swept Changmin's house for bugs and found a couple cleverly hidden in the kitchen and in the toilets (what did Yuri want to listen to from the toilets?). The tapes that Tiffany used to threaten me were also Yuri's idea. Little wonder. No offence to Tiffany's intelligence -

she didn't seem that type of villain. Apparently Kangin would suffer from a severe pay cut for his failure to discover the breach in security.

"Will he be alright?" I asked. Knowing Kangin and his rigid sense of duty, he would probably...

"...almost stabbed himself in the stomach. He'll get over it...soon. Give him a few years." "Thank God," I exclaimed with relief, and paused for a moment. "How's Ri In?"

He shoved his hands into his pockets, staring down at his shuffling feet. I pushed at my cheeks with both hands, heaving a long sigh. The image of Ri In's frozen in shock and tears when discovering Junsu's secret was vivid in my mind. The coldness with which she disregarded me completely in Junsu's room still gave me chills.

"She'll be fine," Changmin reassured me - and maybe himself.

His phone suddenly vibrated with a low buzz. He took a glance at the caller ID and grimaced.

"YAH!" he roared at the mouthpiece. "Heechul you sicko! Stop calling me!"

Heechul's voice rasped from the other end. "I know you're at the hospital, don't lie! Give the phone to Sohee wait a minute uncle's not done with you yet Taeyeon, now!"

I clasped my hands together and prayed silently for Sohee's soul. "No!" Changmin shouted back. "She's still in the fucking hospital!"

"I don't care! This is very aww Sohee's so pretty, uncle like! This is urgent!" I sighed and took the phone from Changmin. "It's me, Heechul. What's up?"

"Oh hi Taeyeon! How are you? You alright? I heard you almost died! In the river, no less! Have you taken a shower? Okay Sohee sweetie take that off! Yeah. Take it all off! The wall looks better without it. How horrible, Taeyeon, I'm sorry!"

"Oh, I'm-"

"Oh it's okay don't explain I don't really care anyway. Are you going on tour with

Changmin's band or not?"

I looked at Changmin, who averted his eyes to the ceiling and coughed awkwardly. "I

haven't made up my mind yet."

"Then make it up soon. I have arrangements to make." "Okay, I'll -"

"I'll call you back in a few minutes. And Taeyeon, I know cell phones may give you cancer, but what doesn't give you cancer nowadays? Turn on your freaking phone

please!"

Then he hung up. I was positive I heard a shrill cry of a young girl.

Changmin took back his phone and scratched his head exasperatedly. He looked as though he wanted to speak. A few long minutes passed by before he eventually bid me goodbye. I thanked him again and walked back to my room, where Jaejoong was waiting.

"He left?" Jaejoong was amused.

"Yeah," I couldn't help a chuckle. "You scared him away."

"I didn't do a thing, doll face," he said nonchalantly. "There was something so poetic about the way he ignored me whatever I said that I felt the need to destroy it. I hate poetry."

"Says the man with the mushiest lines alive," I pouted. Jaejoong bowed with a flourish. I sat down on the bed, taking a moment to observe Jaejoong. It had only been a day, yet

he seemed to age twenty years, without the help of the gray wig. He was wearing a dark green hoodie over a black wife-beater, an outfit I was sure he threw on in a haste - he would never walk out of the house without looking like a model on runway. The dark eye bags sagged, giving his eyes a hollow, too-much-white glaze.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, pulling the hoodie over his head to cover his eyes, as if that would somehow erase the eye bags. "I made you worried...again."

"Silly rabbit," he knocked on my forehead. "It's not your fault."

I told him what happened, from Yuri erratic behaviors to the hair of the hairy dude, leaving out the kiss. Oh, come on, don't you start on me about honesty? Would you tell someone who is eating a rotten chicken that it's actually not chicken in its rotten form but only your fermented bread? I wouldn't.

As I got to the jumping part, Jaejoong's face tensed. He bolted up, and paced back and forth around the room. I watched him biting the nail of his thumb, sighing inwardly. Jaejoong had never been this angry before.

"Forgive me," Jaejoong stopped walking and plopped down on the bed with me, his hands holding my head. "I should never have let you be out of my sight."

"Should we play rock scissors paper to decide whose fault this was?" I smiled. "Yuri...Kwon Yuri..." Jaejoong mumbled in an irritated voice. "Her gorgeousness

completely fooled me."

"You should have known better than to judge by looks!"

"Nah. I just have extra sympathy for gorgeous people. Being too beautiful makes life tough, you know?"

I patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry, you have suffered."

"Without complaint," he nodded. "Anyway. School starts in a week, I have to go back to

Busan." He paused to study my face and continued slowly. "What are you going to do?"

I pondered my options. The fate of the wedding was being hung in the air, and after all

the revelation I doubted if I could stay around being the happy-go-lucky wedding planner anymore. Moreover, I too had to start college in two weeks back in Busan.

Or I could go on the tour.

The thought of facing Changmin everyday fazed me a little. Wouldn't it be quite awkward? But then again, playing with his band had been a blast. Eunhyuk, Shindong, and even Sungmin were great laughs, and although being around Changmin in his tattered clothes and piercing for all day would be like watching over and over again a heart wrenching UNICEF documentary about tribal African kids (who also happened to have tattered clothes and many, many, many pierced rings, especially in the mouth). Plus I would get to travel, to see other parts of the country, to experience the life of a hippie and a gypsy conveniently at once. It'd be like being John Lennon and Esmeralda of "The Hunch of Notre Dame" at the same time. Was Lennon a hippie? He sure looked like one.

But what about Junsu?

...and no, Junsu of course didn't look like a hippie. I meant...

...was I giving up on him?

I looked at the door in the direction of Junsu's room. He still hadn't decided on the wedding yet. Was it because he wanted to hold on to his feelings for Ri In?

With me gone, would that give them a chance to get back together?

I touched my lips, the sensation of his kiss raw. What did that kiss mean? Would he hold me once more, and say he would never leave?

"Taeyeon?" Jaejoong asked again. I purred in reply and borrowed his phone to call

Heechul. After a few rings, his voice trilled on the other end.

"You've luckily reached Kim Heechul, who at the moment is busy doing things more important than talking to you. If you're my assistant, press 911 because I'm going to kill you soon WHERE THE HECK ARE MY FILES KIBUM? If you're my boss or my

parents please press 1 for a more polite version of this message. If you're Sohee press 2 uncle will answer you right away! If you're the rest of humankind then just leave a message. Have a very Soheelicious day!"

There was no beep, but I went ahead and talked. "Hey, it's me, Taeyeon. I'm calling to ask -"

"Oh Taeyeon!" What? Is the answering machine so advanced these days? "Talk. I got a new phone, no voice mail yet. I didn't recognize the number so I just wanted to play a little..."

"Um...how long will the tour be?"

"From January to the end of Feb. We had to fit it into university break because Sungmin's mom threatened to put me in jail if Sungmin ditched classes to go on tour. Now I don't know why that would make me go to jail but she sounded like she was capable of

slashing my pretty face, so..."

"Perfect," I said happily. That meant I could still go on tour and stay educated. "I'm in." "Great!" Heechul whooped. "That means you're staying in Seoul to finish recording the

album right? You just win 100 Sohee points sweetheart. Talk to you soon!" Before I could explain, he had hung up. What a rainbow.

I wondered how Heechul would react if I told him I was going back to Busan. Whatever. The band did fine before I appeared. Maybe they could borrow Jung U-know and his pig- squeaking violin talent.

"I'll go back with you," I said to a surprised Jaejoong. "I'm done with Seoul."

No, I was not. But what was the use of staying? If, somehow, by magic, Junsu chose me, he would find me. My hanging around Ri In and him like this only put more pressure on both of them.

The corners of Jaejoong's mouth tweaked into a benign smirk. "No, you're not." "Be a doll and let me wallow in my sorrows, okay?" I joked.

He smiled and put an arm around my shoulders. I snuggled to him, feeling like a kid being pampered by her parents. Clichéd as it might sound, it did seem like yesterday when I first called him for help, and he threw his k-drama deal at me. Now we were here, I still single and husband-less, Jaejoong still not my boyfriend. Not much had changed.

And nothing was the same.

"Jaejoong?" I whispered. "Remember...when you kissed me?"

Feeling a small tremor from his body, I sneaked a look up at him. Jaejoong was blushing ever so faintly - if his skin were just a little bit darker, no one would have noticed.

"Of course. I was awesome."

"You were," I conceded, recalling how comfortable it felt. "But...I passed out." "Weirdo."

"Jae..." I took a deep breath, the words I was about to say ripping my heart apart even before they escaped my lips. "I passed out because I was scared. Scared that our friendship would change. I don't want that. I wouldn't trade it for the world."

"I know," Jaejoong said quietly.

"I can't tell you to stop what you have been feeling for me. Feelings are funny little things that we can't control - I've learned that lesson." I felt a million knots tied in my stomach as I shook off the thought of Junsu. "If I were any smarter, I would force myself to love you. Jae, you're the man I want to want. But I...you're...you're my best friend, my family. Please, Jae, don't wait for me. I'm asking you a selfish favor on my part. Don't let me hurt you anymore."

Jaejoong stayed still. I could hear occasional footsteps in the hallway, sometimes the sound of a wheelchair rolling by, and the slow, deep sound of his breaths. I waited until he could speak again.

"You've let go of a one-in-a-million chance, baby. Don't blame me if you end up dating

Edward Cullen and find out I can suck your blood better than him." I slapped his forearm. "Ew."

"Peter Parker?"

"Now you're talking."

"A little too webby, though." "I like my man webby." "Dirty, dirty girl."

We both laughed, but the laugh never reached Jaejoong's eyes, the sadness bare in his voice. I knew I was breaking his heart - or whatever organ that was responsible for love- and there is no nice way to break a heart. In the end, someone is bound for pain. This is

still better, I thought. At least he wouldn't be tortured by hope anymore. "Jae?" I said.

"Hmm?" a soft sound trapped in his throat.

I wanted to say thank you, yet the words were enormous they choked my heart. I could only draw them with a motion of my lips.

He nodded, and held me tight.

...

The doctors kept me overnight to do a thorough checkup, after which they discovered I

had cancer.

...I kid, I kid.

They did tell me I had a brain tumor, though. Not kidding.

...well, turned out an inept intern mixed up my scan with someone else's. Gave me a real scare, I tell you.

I checked out the next morning. As I was gathering my clothes, the nurse who had been

in charge of me stood in a corner, peering at me with intense scrutinizing eyes. I raised an eyebrow. Oh well, working in a hospital can be quite depressing - everyone comes in

with a bloody face, or a deformed face, or a bloody deformed face. I'd just be nice and let her eyes feast on my pretty, clean, perfectly formed face for a while.

Or my pretty, clean, perfectly formed butt.

I know I have a nice butt. That's a fact I gladly embrace to compensate for my modest height. Let her stare, let her stare. My butt - or rather, the view of it - can be like...public property, available for gawking.

Just no touching or vandalizing, please.

...okay, this was getting creepy. Not that I'm homophobic or anything, but if she was indeed a lesbian, I wouldn't want her to have false hopes.

"Um, excuse me?" She startled. "What?"

"You're staring."

"Just trying to figure out what's going on," she narrowed her eyes. "What's your relationship between you and Sex God number one who's always by your side and Sex God number two in room 211?"

Room 211 was Junsu's room. I frowned. "Why do you ask?"

"I saw you visit 211. Then yesterday when you were hugging SG No 1, SG 2 was watching from outside and then walked dejectedly away."

My heart jumped a loud thud. I swallowed the nervousness, trying to speak, but my voice was caught in my throat. The nurse, whose name tag read "Kim Hyoyeon", scooted close, shoving her face at mine - it's amazing, never before have I seen anyone as short as me - making me teetered backwards.

"I get it. From the way you look at SG 2, you're probably in love. But SG 1, seeing how he's so comfortable with you, must be your half-brother, and is in love with you. SG 2 and SG 1 are two leaders of two rival gangs and solved their feud with some shooting, and SG 2 got shot in the back. Now to protect SG 2 you are going out with SG 1, but that's incest, you know? Do you want me to run some tests and see if anyone of you has cancer?"

...was I supposed to say yes?

"Ah! Phone call! Fantastic! God, I love phone calls, don't you?"

I lunged for my phone - which I had recharged after fifty years - on the bed, vowing in my head that I would worship whoever that called and saved me from Hyoyeon the nurse.

It was Sister Moon. Gee, what a waste - I already worshiped her.

"Taeyeon!" she sounded breathless. "How are you? Are you alright? Jaejoong is really...He only let me know today! I'm going to the train station right now, tell me where you are..."

"Sister, I'm fine. I'm leaving the hospital. "

Sister Moon kept on fussing over my health, so I used the kidnapping story as a red herring. It shocked her enough to render her speechless.

"Sister, did you know about the reason Mrs. Jang adopted Junsu?" I asked, my voice quivering slightly. "Forgiveness doesn't come easily," Mrs. Jang once said. Did she mean

that for me, or for herself?

The angry note didn't escape Sister.

"I did not," Sister said. "I had my reservations, but from our time together, Jang Miyeon has always been a kind woman, though she might not show it." She paused to see if I would protest. I didn't. "Taeyeon, I'm really sorry about what happened. I believe, however, that Miyeon's hatred had subsided. Junsu grew up well, and if she was willing to trust him with her company, I'm sure she has considered him a part of the family."

Curiosity stirred inside me. "Sister, why are you so sure about Mrs. Jang? And how did you know her and Jang Nara? Don't tell me they are runaway nuns."

Sister heaved a long sigh, funny noises bubbling in her throat. "Um...hmm...I'll tell you, but you have to keep it secret. It can ruin their lives if people know..."

As Sister disclosed her past, my mouth went from the O shape to a very, very wide smile.

...

I lingered in Junsu's room for a short while, waiting. He had gone somewhere. Why did he visit my room? Did he leave because he saw me and Jaejoong?

Was he jealous?

A gleam of hope flickered in me, only to be extinguished by the thought of his not-yet- canceled wedding. As long as he remained Ri In's fiancé, his jealousy meant nothing to me. No, it shouldn't mean anything to anyone.

Scribbling a quick note telling him that I was going back to Busan, I went home with Jaejoong. He made me stay in the room and rest while he cleaned up the house and got on with packing. I complied, spending my time staring, stroking, snapping open and shut, tossing, ...etc. my cell phone. I wanted to call Ri In, but whenever I brought up her

number on the screen, my blood pressure went up a notch. After debating with myself for a good hour, I spat at my not-calling side, "Suck it up!" and dialed her number with shivering fingers.

"Hello?"

"Ri In? This is Taeyeon."

A pause. "Hi, Taeyeon," she said, her placid voice betraying no emotion. "Um...I have something I need to tell you. Can we meet sometime today?"

Another long pause. When she spoke again, she sounded strained, her voice muffled as if

she was covering the mouthpiece. "I can't. I have plans."

"It's not urgent. How about tomorrow, or any day this week?"

"Taeyeon..." she took a deep breath. "Please understand. I really can't...can't see you." Pains throbbed on my cheekbones. "You mean you don't want to see me."

Her silence was a loud yes. I leaned back against the wall.

"I didn't want to say this over the phone, but...thank you," I said sincerely. "For saving our lives."

"I did what I should."

I wanted to say more. I wanted to say how amazing she was to forget her anger for a moment, forget that Junsu's mistake was a part of her father's death, forget my mistake was a part of her wrecked wedding. If it had been someone else - me, maybe - we would have been left to death with Yuri's gang. But the cold shoulder she gave when she saw me at the hospital, and the spiritless tone she was using on me now, advised me against it.

"What are you going to do about your music?" I asked. "How will you tell your mom if you strike a record deal?"

"I don't know."

"You can't leave home like Changmin."

"No," she said a little too quickly. "Look, Taeyeon, I really don't -" "Talk to your mom," I said firmly. "Persuade her."

Something sounded like a snicker from her throat. "You know what she's like."

I smiled. "I do. I know that thirty years ago she was in a rock band with Moon Sori and Jang Nara. I also know that they were famous and wild - sex symbols of the underground rock world."

"You can't be serious," she tried to sound calm, but I could tell she was suppressing a gasp.

"Oh, I did laugh at first. There are pictures, Ri In," I talked like I already saw the photos

Sister Moon talked about. "Your mom was a groupie."

"Sh-she doesn't look the type."

I rolled my eyes. She surely didn't. Maybe when she was young she was hot. Well, her daughter was hot alright. The gene is there somewhere. Though the thought of Mrs.Jang in her stark white business suit and pearl earrings swinging a guitar back and forth, her hair all crazy like Mick Jagger and her face crumpling like Steven Tyler was enough to make me pee in my pants.

"If she was famous, we must have at least heard something about it," Ri In protested. "Well, they all used stage names, and there weren't crazy stalker fan clubs back in those

days. Plus they pretty much stay under the radar all these years. You know the deal with has-beens - no one pays attention anymore. Your aunt is way over in America, Moon Sori became a nun in a tiny country town, and your mom has enough money to shut the media up."

She thought about it. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I saw you perform, Ri In," the image of her in black leather suit and wide-rim hat, rocking the stage flashed in my mind. "I know what you can do. And you shouldn't have to lie to pursue your dream." Like I did.

"I didn't mean to hurt Junsu," said Ri In, her voice quivering, angry, defeated.

I only thought of her hiding the band and the gigs from her mom, but she took it differently and thought I was implying her hiding her secret from Junsu.

"I know you didn't," I said. "Taeyeon?"

"Yes?"

"Let's not see each other ever again." I did not answer.

"Bye, Taeyeon," she said the words slowly, the way people parted with the dead. "B-"

She had hung up. My goodbye hung pitifully in the air. No more see you later, Ri In?

No more.

...

As we dragged our luggage to the platform, I kept looking back, hoping Junsu would, in the exact fashion shown on TV, rush through the sea of people to find me, and stop me before I step on the train. Man, this is lame. I should have booked a plane ticket instead.

It would look more dramatic, you know? All the security and check-points you have to go through. Stalling more time for your man.

No plane, no man.

Kim Taeyeon's life is SAD.

I sighed repeatedly as the speaker echoed the pleasant high-pitched announcement that it was time to board our train. The week after I left the hospital, Junsu didn't even call me once to say goodbye. I didn't hear anything about the wedding, but no news is just as bad as bad news. My anxiety got the point that I would dream of Junsu and Ri In wedding, so vivid, so real, then wake up in the middle of the night and sob like mad.

Ladies and gents, Kim Sappy Sap Taeyeon. Was it really the end for me?

"Taeyeon! Wait! Taeyeon!"

My head snapped so sharply I almost broke my neck. Junsu? Was it Junsu? Junsu finally came and pulled me into a hug and kissed me and said all those chicken-skin things and told me he wanted me to be with him forever? Was it Jun-

"Changmin."

"What's with the long face?" Changmin barked. I was too thrilled that I didn't realize it was his voice, which was an octave different from Junsu's.

"Nothing. I'm so psyched to see you here," I singsonged.

"Hi," Jaejoong grinned at Changmin. Changmin stared back - which, of course, was his favorite pleasantry.

"Idiot," Changmin reached in his pocket and produced...

...MY TICKET?

"Not only did you tell me the wrong departure time, you forgot your ticket at home," he smirked. "I came to your house to help with the luggage, and saw the ticket in the landlord's hands."

Jaejoong massaged his forehead in relief. "Th-thanks," I stuttered.

Changmin pursed his lips in a smug it's-nothing smile. I beamed and opened my arms wide.

"Come here, let me give you a goodbye hug." He blushed. "No thanks."

"Come on, at least I was your fake girlfriend."

His face hardened, serious. "So...does that mean "no"?" Jaejoong frowned, puzzled. I knew what Changmin meant. "Visit me in Busan," I said. "I still owe you a dinner."

"Whatever," he turned away. He knew even if I wanted to go out with him, I couldn't. Busan-Seoul, long distant relationships won't make it.

I was still holding out my arms, beckoning Changmin. He reluctantly trudged forward. My heart accelerated a bit. Aww, it would be the first time I-

"TAEYEONNIE!!!" "OUCH!!!!"

Stars...so many stars...black hole...okay, WHERE AM I? THE UNIVERSE?

...with the ceiling of the train station? "Taeyeon, Taeyeon, you alright?"

Jaejoong's head loomed over mine, while Changmin and U-know - what the heck? When did he appear? - were hovering around my body. I was lying flat on the floor, with

Tiffany straight on top, her face buried in my chest. Sweet. Now I would not only become amnesiac from hitting my head, but also a lesbian.

"Fany-ah," U-know cooed in a very sickeningly sugary voice. "You shouldn't have jumped Taeyeon like that, darling." DARLING? Please, where are you God? Return me to Earth this instant!

"Haha, sorry, I'm just excited," Tiffany laughed and clapped her hands.

"Oh my God you're soooo cute! Stop messing with my heart!" U-know squealed and hugged Tiffany.

...and the world stopped making sense.

Jaejoong was astounded as well. He gaped, wagging his finger between Tiffany and U- know.

"You two...? Since when?"

"Since the wedding! We met there, it was love at first sight," U-know said happily. Changmin was trying hard to conceal his own happiness.

Jaejoong looked slightly displeased. I know he was trying to seduce Tiffany for revenge. Looks like Sex Gods fail sometimes.

"Tiffany, I thought you stalk, um, I mean, you like Changmin?" I smiled in confusion. "Oh," Tiffany cackled. "I did. But U-know is so much more interesting you know? He

fell in love with his half-sister! How tragic is that? It's like, totally more tragic than

"Winter Sonata" or "Autumn Tale". So romantiiiiiic!"

God bless you, Jessica Jung. You have gone through a lot.

"And Tiffany is just too lovely," U-know explained without being asked. "You see, her hair is exactly like mine. Same shape, same color. It's fate, I tell ya'all. Fate."

Changmin, Jaejoong and I shared a look.

"Anyway, Taeyeonnie," chirped Tiffany. "Now that I don't give a damn about Changmin oppa, I don't hate you anymore. You're U-know's friend, so you're my friend too! We came to see you off!"

I smiled. "Thanks, Tiffany. And thank you, U-know," I stepped forward, about to hug U- know, but Tiffany was clutching his arm snugly, not budging. I took the hint and extended my hand instead. "You've helped me a lot here. Come visit us, I'm sure the kids miss you."

U-know nodded and promised he would. He shook hands with me and Jaejoong. Changmin got a quick hug from me and a long hug from Jaejoong, who was grinning impishly when he heard Changmin's grunt. We were about to leave when Eunhyuk, Shindong, and Sungmin stormed into the station, shouting noisily for us. They made me promise to come back to Seoul for the tour, or else they would come to Busan and kidnap me.

The speaker squeaked once more, nagging us to board. I stepped on the train and waved back at the friends I'd made in the short months in Seoul. My other hand was holding tight to Jaejoong's arm, since otherwise I would jump off the train and run back to them in a blink of an eye.

I came to find a husband, and found a lot of friends.

I also found love - Jaejoong's love, which I didn't deserve, and should never do. There was nothing I could do to return his affection and amend my ignorance, but wait for the day I would be his best friend, and no longer the girl that hurt him.

Maybe it wasn't that bad of a trip, after all.

...

Another week passed without any news from Junsu. I brooded over the thought of the wedding. Did they call it off? Did Junsu see the note? Had he been thinking of me?

I thought about him every day, every minute, every second.

...Feel free to barf. I want to barf, too.

I couldn't believe I had turned into such a...such a...girl. I daydreamed of him before, during the ten years I was waiting for him, but it was just daydreams. I liked to imagine how he looked like as a grown-up, attaching various hairstyles and outfits to him as though dressing a doll. But now that I knew how he looked like, it got worse. I would reminisce his smile, how the lines around his mouth deepened, his full lips parted, baring the straight white teeth. I would hear his laugh, a hearty three-sound laugh that rings from the cavity of his chest, limpid, contagious. I missed his scent, the thick, but pleasant fragrance of sweat and soap, of his own unique skin. I would go to the open field where I saw him play soccer, where he held me tight and the world ceased to sneak a look at us. The scene kept replaying in front of my eyes, until my eyes got tired and swollen and red with tears.

I wish I had taken the four-leaf clover pendant. At least I would have something to hold close to my heart. I wanted to call him, but didn't have the courage to. If he wanted to see me, shouldn't he have called me by now? Didn't he see the note?

Today I went to the field again. I was sick of my useless crying, but if I didn't cry, I

would be imagining what we would be doing had we been together, or what he was doing now, or all the times he pushed me away and then pulled me back. I would be closing my eyes and feeling my heart leap at the memories of his touch, his kiss, and smiling like an idiot, and breaking into sobs again when I realized I was smiling. Imagination hurts so much more than tears, because you know, you just know, it's all in your head. Crying distracted me, although only for a while. If I cried, I wouldn't be able to think of him, and it made me miserable. It was a vicious cycle I couldn't get out of.

I had to end this. I couldn't suffer anymore. "Guys, where's all the food?"

Um, yeah, eating was my solution. It was a very good mental pain killer.

My shout was answered by its own echo. It was dead quiet. Dead...ugh, knock on wood, no weird thought! I ran from one room to another to find the kids. None. They had vanished! Summer was dying already, didn't they have to prepare for school?

"Noona?" Chanhee, a kid that looked awfully like Micky walked in while I was crawling on the floor trying to peek under the beds. "What are you stealing?"

Ever since I came back, every time I saw Chanhee, my stomach churned. I couldn't help it. He reminded me too much of Micky. He was also a punk, just like Micky.

"Where's everybody?" I asked, concerned.

He shrugged, holding out his hands, palms up. "Sinking down the depth of the sea?" "What?"

"There's this dude who came and took everybody on a yacht. I thought it was fishy so I

didn't go along."

"WHAT?" I screeched, panicking. "What if he's a pedophile? Where are Sisters?"

"Sister Moon has gone into town. Sister Lee was really happy when she saw the dude..." "Aish!" I held up my fists, trembling. "You, stay here, lock the door, don't let anyone in,

even if they say they're your parents!" "I'm an orphan, noona."

"I said "even if"!"

I raced to the beach. Summer was coming to an end, so there were not many tourists lying almost naked sunbathing anymore. I looked swiftly around, desperate for any means of transportation that could bring me out to the sea.

"Hey," I called out to a scrawny boy who was bending down to wipe a tourist jet ski. "Can I borrow the jet ski, please?"

The boy turned around, and dropped his rag in shock.

"Aaa!!! It's you!"

I did likewise. "Aaa! It's you!...um, who?"

"You stole my pig costume! I was fired and had to come to Busan and got this job!"

He wept, distraught. I flashed a lopsided smile. I did...forget...to return the pig costume that day. "I'm really sorry. I will return it to you, but...look, my kids are being kidnapped. Can I borrow this? I need to look for them."

"No!" Ryeowook - as I recalled his ex-boss called him- latched onto the jet ski. "I won't fall for your trick again!"

"Please, it's really urgent! Come on, where else can I go? My house is right over there," I

motioned vaguely toward the orphanage. "No!" He was adamant.

"I admit, the last time my riddle was too hard. How about you answer another riddle, and if you win I will never come near you again? Never sabotage your job? If I win, you'll let me borrow the jet ski. I'll make it easy this time. I swear, I've given kids at the orphanage this riddle, and all of them can answer it."

He looked at me skeptically, "O-okay. What's the riddle?" "What's my name?"

...

They couldn't be too far.

I rode the jet ski furiously towards the wide open sea, further and further away from the shore. The engine roared as I accelerated, water splashing in white whirls on my legs, sometimes high enough to wet my shorts and even my hips. I circled every yacht I saw like an eagle, only leaving after making sure there was no kid on board. Who would be so stupid and reckless to let kids on a yacht? They could fall down, and...I couldn't bear to think about it.

After an hour of rigorous searching, I still didn't see any kids, only enough naked bodies or almost naked bodies in swimsuits. I rode back to the shore, hoping to fetch some help. As soon as the long, golden batch of sand came into sight, I saw Ihnwan and Soomin and Minyoung and...thank God, all the kids! Jumping off the jet ski I quickly ran to them and pulled as many as I could into a huge group hug.

"Guys! Where were you? I was worried sick."

"Oh, hyung took us down the furthest side of Songjeong beach! It's not too crowded there and we played a little," Ihnwan answered cheerfully.

"Chanhee said you were on a yacht!"

Soomin guffawed. "Unnie, it's Chanhee! He's a big fat liar!"

I clenched my teeth. Kang Chanhee, even if you look like Brad Pitt, you're not going to have dessert tonight.

"Oppa! Oppa! Hyung! Hyung!"

The kids started jumping up and down as a figure approached from afar, walking alongside who I presumed to be Sister Lee, judging from the outfit. She didn't wear her habit, instead donned the simple white long-sleeved dress with a black overcoat - I know, she must have been roasted alive inside - her usual alternative, casual clothes. The kids ran toward the figure, whom I couldn't see clearly because of the sun. I yelled after them.

"Yah! Kiddos! How can you run to a stranger like that? He might be a...a..." I didn't want to scare them with the word "pedophile", "a...serial killer! I have to beat him up for recklessly taking you all out here. That is a horrible act of -"

My voice caught in my throat. The figure turned out to be a young man in a sleeveless white top that revealed his slender, but defined arms, and dark blue shorts that fitted comfortably around his firm butt.

Kim Junsu.

He squatted down to ruffle the kids' hair, patted their heads, and pinched their cheeks. He gave me no heed until he had made all of them squeal and laugh. Only then did he stand up and walk to me. My heart stopped, and my feet felt like they had grown roots in the sand.

He stopped when the space between us was close enough to reach out an arm and touch the other's shoulder. But that was still too far.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" I asked, my voice raspy and higher than usual. He didn't say anything, just gazed at me, unblinking.

Then he moved. And then...

...It was all a jumbled mess. I didn't know which was first, his hands cupping my face and pulling it closer, or his kiss. His lips crashed on mine softly, then more urgently, the

rhythm of a desperate thirst. I was paralyzed. I stood still, my hands loosely by my side like a lifeless doll, but every cell in my body was awaken, alive, burning, exploding. He moved one hand down to my back and pulled me in, not breaking off the kiss for even a fraction of a second. I found strength in my arms and wrapped them around his neck. My partly wet shirt clung to my skin and dampened his top, making the barrier between us completely insignificant. The heat from his body engulfed me, and before long I was dizzy and jittery, for it was too much and not enough at the same time.

When we pulled away, he held my face in his hands and rested his forehead on mine. I smiled, my arms rested on his waists. We startled and looked down sheepishly when the kids surrounded us, staring at us with wide eyes, while Sister Lee was swinging from side to side with a huge grin.

"Noona," Ihnwan blinked at me with his big round eyes. "Why is Junsu hyung eating your face?"

Soomin gave Ihnwan a look of contempt. "That's not it! Unnie is licking oppa's face!" "Sister Lee," I whispered to her hoarsely, "can you bring them somewhere else? This is

PG-13."

Junsu threw back his head in a laugh and tugged my hand. He pulled me from the crowd, climbed on the jet ski and beckoned me to take the backseat. I obeyed, pressing my cheek on his back, my arms firmly around his stomach. The engine kicked off, pushing us toward the horizon, the wind tossing my hair backward, sweeping coolly at our skin. We found a tiny island, the size of a school football field, far enough from the beach, away from prying eyes. We docked the jet ski, and sat on the sand, feet touching the water. I nestled my head on his shoulder. It felt good, just like last time when I fell asleep next to him on the train. His arm felt strong and soothing, his hand balmy, fingers lacing with mine.

"I missed you," he breathed softly in my ear. "A lot."

A thousand butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I lifted my head to look into his eyes. "Why didn't you call? I left you a note."

He bit his lower lip, gazing absently at the crystal blue sea. "I wanted to. But I needed some time to think."

"Think?" I asked, tucking my hair behind my ear. The naughty wind kept blowing it all over my face. "About...about the wedding?"

Junsu returned his gaze to me, his eyes wistful as if seeing me for the first and yet last time. "I'd been with her for a long time, Taeyeon. It's not easy to just leave like that."

I slipped my hand out of his and started doodling on the sand. A sharp needle pricked at

my heart when I thought of the years they spent together. I didn't know what schools Junsu went to. What kind of friends he had. What movies he liked. All those adolescent memories belonged to Ri In, and her alone.

Junsu dug his hand under the sand and let it fall slowly through the space between his fingers. "Last night, Ri In talked to me the first time after the kidnap."

"She did?" I asked, trying to sound cool.

"She said she didn't tell me about her music because she never felt she could open up to me fully. She said I rarely shared with her what I thought, how I felt, my childhood stories, that kind of stuff. Like I was guarding my heart, waiting for something."

My finger stopped in its track. A dolphin without tail joined the sun and some aliens on the sand.

"Then she asked me what I wanted to do about the wedding," Junsu put his hand lightly on mine, and drew the rest of the dolphin tail.

"What did you say?" I murmured.

"I said I didn't know - I honestly didn't. She cried and told me I already made the choice on the bridge."

I looked up from our hands, my head tilted. "But you picked her. You sent her away from the danger."

He shook his head. "You could never trust someone who would point a gun at you, Taeyeon. Yuri would not leave Ri In alone. She couldn't afford to have a witness."

My jaw dropped. "That's true."

"I picked you because..." the skin around his cheekbones reddened, "...because I didn't want you out of my sight. I wanted to protect you with my own hands."

A chill ran down my spine - the kind of happy chills that made your skin tickle. "Then...the wedding..." I trailed off.

"It's over," he said quietly.

"Oh." I gulped, my heart palpitating. "Really?"

"Yeah," Junsu locked his gaze with mine, his hand trailing from my neck to my cheek, fitting it perfectly in his palm.

"That's great. I mean, no, it's not great, because canceled weddings are never great. You know, you pay so much money and then the flower guy calls and cries about his dying flowers, and then the caterer has to clean up, and oh my god what am I saying? I mean, it's just, I'm sorry. I'm sorry the wedding is off. But if I say I'm sorry I'll be lying. Lying right through my crooked teeth, except I don't really have crooked teeth - they just need a little fixing, that's-"

"I love you."

"...all. And I don't mean I'm happy that you aren't getting married. I'm just-excuse me?"

"I love you."

He said softly, ever so softly that my heart broke, pieces crackling and dancing inside my ribcage. He uttered the words I thought would never form on his lips, soaking me in the warmth of his voice. I bit my lips trying to choke back the tears, because I'm no Choi Ji Woo and crying makes my face all red and twice as big, the same size of the moon.

Hah, nice try, Kim Taeyeon.

I had dreamed of these words for so long, too long, in fact, that when they escaped his lips, it took me a few seconds to absorb, to realize that they were meant for me and me alone. Surreal. I stroked his lips with my thumb, afraid that all of this was part of merely another dream. Something beautiful and vigorous was blooming inside my chest, caressing, lifting my whole body off the ground. I held his face with both hands, feeling his facial muscles move as he smiled, as he whispered love and longing and sweetness to my heart. He took me in his arm and squeezed me tight. I basked in his warmth, pressing my eyes against the nape of his neck in a futile attempt to cover up the tears. When I made a move to pull away, he refused to loosen his arms.

"Junsu," my face was flushing red, "I...you...you need to let me go." "No."

"You sure?" I arched an eyebrow. "Look, I got snot all over your shoulders."

He swallowed a laugh. I scrunched up my nose as he wiped the mess on my face with his hand.

"Stop crying. Is being with me that sad?" he pinched my cheek playfully.

A pang hit my chest. "No...it's just...it's been ten years. You have always been a part of me, but...this is you. Twenty-one year old Kim Junsu. I love the past you. I love the present you. I love you - all of you. But there's a gap. There will always be a gap, and I don't know how to fill it."

He brushed the unruly hair off my face. "You don't need to. We'll have plenty of time to make new memories."

"I'm scared," I hunched my shoulders, hugging my knees. "I'm not used to feeling so happy like this. It's like walking on ice, the surface threatening to break. What if...what if we start seeing each other...and you find something you don't like about me...and..."

He put a finger on my lips. "Hush. I like everything about you." "Like what?" I feigned innocence, trying hard not to smile.

"The way you laugh. You toss your head back, and your nose makes a cute little crinkle. The way you talk, the things you talk about. The way my insides warm and flip and tumble when I think of you. I'm scared too, Taeyeon. I've never been like this. When I saw you and Jaejoong hugging in the hospital..." his smile waned, a dangerous gleam flickered in his eyes, "...I wanted to beat the crap out of him. Why did he get to spend ten years with you, and I not?"

A grin spread on my lips. It feels good when your man is jealous.

Junsu dug a hand in his pocket and took out the four-leaf clover pendant. I held my hair up in one hand, the wind tickling the bare skin under my ears. With ease Junsu put the necklace on my neck, the emerald clover falling lightly below the hollow between my collar bones, twinkling against my black sleeveless top.

Junsu rested his chin on my shoulders, watching my fingers feeling the pendant, his arms draping around my waist. The waves rolled to the beach, bubbling at our feet. The setting sun was bursting with orange, lazily sinking into the sea. The sky was undulated with thick clouds, their ivy blue darkening into blended purple and red.

"Taeyeon," Junsu said, his chin moving comfortably against my shoulder, "let's visit

Micky when we get back."

I nodded. "We should get back now. We can't ride in the dark." "I know," he droned. "Just a little longer."

I complied and sat still, enjoying the rhythm of his chest heaving tenderly against my back. He tipped my head slightly to the side and gave me a light, airy kiss, his lips grazing mine. A tinge of regret tiptoed to my guts. Ri In certainly had claimed his lips long before I did. Junsu wasn't my first kiss either (it was brutally stolen by a goat, when we visited a farm in middle school. I don't even want to talk about it. The goat was vicious, pure vicious!).

But maybe...just maybe...

His will be the last lips I ever touch, and he will have his last kiss with me.

When the sunset was nearing its final glory, he held my hand and led me to the jet ski. Leaning against his firm and warm body, I couldn't care less that I may fall off and that I can't swim. We left the island, blissful smiles and the scent of each other lingering on our lips. It would have been nice to stay, to spend time with Junsu alone and make up for the time we had lost, but the thought of going back gave me thrills. There was a whole new future ahead, so much and so little time. We would have to figure out a lot of things, and the very complicated maze of relationship was ready to entrap us.

I could barely wait.

We were just beginning.

You must have wondered if we got that happily-ever-after going on. Truth is, I don't know. It's not that kind of story. You would be interested in how many stitches I would get from falling down the stage during the tour. You might be curious how Jaejoong was going to get over his heartbreak, if he would become a player and make a thousand little Jaejoongs all over the world (that would be nice, actually). You might want to know if Ri In ever talked to her mom, and realized her music dreams; or if Changmin would eventually hook up with, say, Jessica, because he can curse however much he likes and she can yawn in reply. You might even care about Tiffany and U-know (Yoosuk), about their possible children with the stylish vaguely French...-ish names of Louis and Vuitton.

Who knows? It's all still ahead. And I definitely don't have the fortune teller's crystal. I do, however, know how Junsu's butt feels like.

But that's a secret I won't tell ya. HA HA HA HA!

...

Fin