"To be loved or to be used, the difference lies in the intent, but both can be sealed with a kiss—one with warmth, the other with emptiness."
—
I never believed in fate, or love at first sight. To me it's very cliché as it sounds. I had always told myself that I wouldn't fall for someone who's.. straight. But it all changed when I met her. The first time she walked in that bar, I swore I have never seen someone as gorgeous as she is, her aura stands out the most– the way she sways her hips, the way her hair falls perfectly on her shoulders, her enticing smirks, damn it— everything about her. "You're staring at her again, didn't she told you to find somebody else to fuck with?""Shut up, Troy." I said to my cousin and slapped the back of his neck. "I'm just saying.. there's tons of women out there who's ready to throw themselves at you—""They're not her." "Damn, kailan ka pa naging loyal?" I could feel myself getting quiet after he asked me that question, kahit sarili ko ay hindi makapaniwala that someone would actually make me this crazy for them. She's the first woman who actually rejected me, humiliated me, and made me feel little with the words she's throwing at me.. but why do I find myself still wanting her?Giving up is never an option when it comes to her. I only want her and nobody else, kahit gumawa pa ang diyos ng maraming katulad niya, I'd still pick her every single time. And it just hurts that she would never realize that. To her, I'm just her student who happened to like her, but to me, she's someone I would want to marry. Call me delusional for liking a straight woman, as if I care about other people's opinion about me.That douchebag ex of hers doesn't deserve her at all. But why does she keep on coming back to him, when I am way better than a man could ever be? "Good evening Professor Taylor, thank you for accepting the invitation." She threw me a disgusting look but tried to hide it.I would be lying if I'd say that didn't hurt me. It was my mother's 50th birthday celebration and I asked my mom if they could invite her, which she agreed with no hesitations. She already met my parents a few months ago dahil magkasosyo ang magulang namin sa business. Fate isn't it?"Your parents invited me. How can I refuse?" I smiled and leaned closely. "My parents already love you, hindi ka na mahihirapan if you ever become my girlfriend." "I'm asking you to stop what you're doing, Ms. Almonte." She forced a smile and checked to see if anyone could hear us. "Aside from that it's disrespectful to say those things to your Professor—
I. am. clearly. straight." "Not for long." I smirked at kinuha ang kamay niya, she was trying to remove my grip on hers but I'm way stronger than her. I made sure that no one saw us at dinala siya sa greenhouse namin, it was dark so no one will know that we're here."What the hell?! Why did you drag me here?""I want to be alone with you.""I don't want to be in the same place as you, nor breathe the same air. You disgust me, Ms. Almonte. If it weren't for my parents being in business with your parents, then I wouldn't have to deal with you every single time." Biglang nawala ang mga ngiti ko sa labi after she said that. Wari ko ay nagulat din ito sa sinabi niya, all I could in her face is anger and disgust. "..Why?" "What?""Why can't you see that I can love you more than him? Why can't you see that all he did was hurt you?"She momentarily stopped and stared deeply into my eyes."Stop asking nonsense questions and leave me alone, Almonte. Seeing you acting like this makes you more pathetic."I could feel my tears starting to build up as I saw her turned around para umalis, with the little energy I had ay napigilan ko pa ito dahil hinawakan ko ang pulsuhan ng kamay niya. She gave me a sharp look but all I could think is how her lips would taste if it were mine.Walang pag-alinlangan ko siyang hinila papunta sa'kin and pushed her on the glass window, her eyes widened in shock and didn't moved hanggang sa nailapat ko na ang labi ko sa kanya.But what shocked me was the way she responded to my kisses.It was rough.Nothing that I have ever had before. She bit my lower lip which made me open my mouth as her tongue entered mine. What the fuck is happening?When I was about to kiss her deeply, we heard a voice outside and that made her push me with all her strength. "M-ms. Maddi.. I—"A
slap.Her eyes were shocked and full of anger, at namumula rin ang kamay na isinampal niya sa'kin. "Damn you, Almonte!" She pointed a finger at me as she whispered angrily. "I've had enough of you! What happened that night was just a fuck that should stay in the past. It meant nothing to me, do you hear me? Nothing!" She stepped back, breathing heavily, her face flushed with both anger and something else I couldn't quite place.I stood there, frozen, still feeling the sting of her slap on my cheek, but what hurt more was her words. My heart clenched, knowing she meant every bit of it. But I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't just let her walk away, not after everything."You're lying," I said, my voice trembling, barely louder than a whisper. "You wouldn't have kissed me back if it didn't mean anything. You felt it too, I know you did."She scoffed, rolling her eyes as if I was just some nuisance she couldn't get rid of. "You're delusional, you know? Whatever fantasy you have in your head, you need to snap out of it. Because I'm not like you, Almonte.""Fantasy?" I took a step closer, even though I knew I shouldn't. "I've been here for you through everything—through every heartbreak, every disappointment. I've been the one standing by your side, not him. I've always been here, but you're too blind to see it!""You were never supposed to be in the picture!" She snapped, her voice cracking slightly. She quickly regained her composure, though, straightening her back as she glared at me. "I don't want you. I never will."Those words were like knives to my chest, each one sharper than the last. But I refused to believe that this was it. That we would always be stuck in this endless push and pull of wanting and denying.She turned on her heel, about to leave again, and I knew I had to say something before she walked out for good.
"I love you." The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them. "I love you more than he ever will."She stopped, her back still to me, but I could see the slight tremble in her shoulders. For a moment, I thought maybe, just maybe, she would turn around and see me. Truly see me.But when she finally spoke, her voice was cold, as though she had built a wall between us that I could never break through. "Don't you dare say that to me again."Tangina.Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas masakit, she slapped me both with her harsh words and her hand. Why can't I experience something nice for myself? For fuckingsake, just for once.
Once. That's all I'm asking.