Chapter Twenty Nine
ANAIS
"Higher, Dada!" Cookie screamed. Nasa park kami ngayon at pinanonood kong maglaro ang mag-ama. Coco was pushing our son on the swing and both were laughing carelessly.
"Coco, masyado ng mataas yan! Tama na!" I started to get worried Cookie would fly off the swing when Coco pushed higher.
"No, I want to go higher!" Pilit ni Cookie.
"Cookie, I said no!" I firmly said. "Coco, tama na nga yan. Kanina pa kayo naglalaro. Pawis na pawis na kayo."
"Mymy, I still want to play." Our son whined.
"Magpahinga na muna kayo. Kumain ka muna and then you can play again." I said.
Coco stopped the swing and picked up Cookie.
"But Dada, I wanna play!" He frowned.
"We'll play later. Gutom na si Dada, I'm sure you're hungry too. We have to eat so we could have more energy to play." He explained.
"Well, okay." He said, still pouting. They walked over to the park bench where I sat. Umupo si Coco at kinandong si Cookie sa kanya. I took out the food I made for the two of them from the bag. I made two chicken sandwiches for Coco and peanut butter and jelly for Cookie. I also brought Cookie's favorite sippy cup filled with orange juice and a water bottle.
"Kumain na kayo." I said handing them their sandwiches. Coco helped Cookie unwrap his sandwich from the paper towel and the little monster took a big bite out of it.
"You said you weren't hungry." Coco playfully narrowed his eyes on his son. "Bakit ang takaw mo ngayon? You bite like a real monster!"
Cookie giggled, his mouth filled with sandwich. "I'm not hungry. I'm just feeding the worms in my tummy."
"Don't talk while eating. Baka mabilaukan ka." Sabi ko.
"Mymy, juice!" He requested.
I took out his sippy cup and handed it to him. He tilted his head back and drank from it. I watched as the two boys ate the food I prepared for them. Parehong pawisan ang dalawa sa paglalaro. I took out a towel from the bag and wiped the sweat from Cookie's forehead and hair. Pagkatapos ay pinunas ko iyon sa leeg at nilagay sa likod niya. Naglabas ulit ako ng panobagong towelette at pinunasan ko ang noo ni Coco. Pababa sa leeg niya. He stopped eating his sandwich and turned his head to me.
"Pawis na pawis ka na din. Baka matuluan mo pa ng pawis mo si Cookie."
"Thanks." He smiled. "Do you remember when we were little? Palagi tayong tumatakas noong bata tayo para lang makapaglaro dito sa playground."
I couldn't help but smile as I remember those days. "We used to always get in trouble for sneaking out."
"We were sneaky little kids." He chuckled. "You used to take your stuffed animals or your dolls with you and force me to play house. Natatandaan mo diyan sa ilalim ng slide tayo madalas magbahay-bahayan. You'd pretend to be the Mommy and I was the Daddy and your stuffed animals were our children."
I grinned. "Of course, I remember that. Tapos kunwari uuwi ka sa bahay galing sa work at pinaghahandaan kita at ang mga anak natin ng dinner."
"Para pa rin tayong naglalaro ng bahay-bahayan. Ngayon nga lang hindi na stuffed toys o mga maynika mo ang dala natin ngayon at totoong pagkain na ang kinakain ko." He laughed.
I let out a sad nostalgic smile. I had no idea those innocent games would turn into something real someday. We didn't know back then that we were going to have a baby together. Except Coco wasn't my husband. He was just the father of my son. My eyes lowered to Cookie who was busy with eating his sandwich.
"Now we have a real baby." I said.
"I'm not a baby. I'm a big boy." Cookie's face scrunched.
"You're my big baby boy. Now give Mommy a kiss." I puckered my lips.
"Mwah!" He gave me a peanut butter and jelly flavored kiss.
"Lasang peanut butter and jelly." I laughed.
"Syempre dapat si Dada meron din." Sabi ni Coco. Cookie stood and faced his Daddy, giving him a kiss on the lips.
"Now you kiss." He demanded.
I looked at Coco. He wiggled his brows up and down. Three na si Cookie. I didn't want him to grow up seeing us act like this was normal. Kaya nga hindi ko na pinapapasok si Coco sa bintana ng kwarto ko dahil ayaw kong makalakihan ni Cookie na nakikita ang Daddy niya na ganon kami. Well, to Coco and I those were our normal but we both knew it was wrong. Friends don't have sex with each other. Friends don't kiss each other.
"Pagbigyan mo na ang big boy natin." He urged.
I rolled my eyes but I still couldn't hide the smile on my lips. I leaned over to give him a kiss and Coco covered his son's eyes with his hand. It was just a quick smack.
"What did you do?" Tanong ni Cookie ng matanggal niya ang kamay ng Daddy niya.
"Mommy kissed me. Ang sarap. Lasang Cookie." He said, licking his lips.
"It taste like me?" He asked.
"Yeah, because you kissed Mommy too." Natatawang sabi ni Coco.
"Oh right." He let out a careless laugh.
Pagkatapos kumain ay pinabayaan ko ang mag-amang maglaro sa park. Cookie eventually got tired of playing and Coco had to carry him. Nakatulog din ito habang naglalakad kami pabalik ng bahay. He doesn't sneak into my room anymore. Hindi na din naman kasi natutulog sa kwarto ko si Cookie. He had his own room now with a car bed that Tito Phoenix bought for him. Kaya nga tuwing may pagkakataon, kahit man lang isang oras sa isang araw sinisiguro kong nagkikita ang mag-ama. Gusto kong maging malapit pa din siya kay Coco kahit hindi kami nakatira sa iisang bahay.
"Kawawa naman ang baby natin. Pagod na pagod." Sabi ni Coco habang buhat si Cookie.
"Pinagod mo kasi. Takbo ba naman kayo ng takbo." I brushed a few strands of my baby's golden hair away from his sleeping face.
"Kanina tinanong ako ni Cookie kung bakit hindi ako pwedeng matulog sa bahay niyo o ikaw sa bahay namin." Coco quietly said.
"What did you tell him?" I asked.
"I told him that we have our own houses and he asked me why we can't all just live together." He sighed. "He's growing up really fast and I know he's a smart boy He's going to grow more confused."
"Hindi ba napag-usapan na natin ito? Magiging honest tayo sa kanya. We'll be open about our relationship. Sasabihin natin kung ano talaga tayo."
"And that he was just an accidental baby?" He asked.
"He's not an accident, Coco. He wasn't planned but he is what was given to us." I kissed our son.
Huminto si Coco sa tapat ng gate ng bahay namin. "You're right. Siguro naguiguilty lang ako. Our son has to deal with the mistakes I made."
"We both made those mistakes at naging maganda naman ang kinalabasan. Ikaw na din ang nagsabi na matalino si Cookie. He'd understand. I just hope whatever the future holds for us, mapalaki natin siya ng maayos."
"Lahat ng ginagawa ko para sa anak natin. I live and breathe for our little Cookie. This little kiddo right here is more important than anything or anyone in this world for me. Wala akong hindi gagawin para sa anak natin makita ko lang siyang masaya. You gave me a sense of purpose, Anais, when you gave me my son."
I smiled. "I didn't give him to you. We made him."
"We did and we made a handsome combination." He said in a low laughter.
COCO
"Happy almost birthday, Dada!" Sumalubong si Cookie sa akin pagpasok ko sa loob ng bahay. He was wearing a birthday hat over his head when I saw him. I quickly picked him up and gave him a tight hug and showered him with kisses. Ah! What a way to end my day from work.
"How did you know it was Dada's almost birthday?" I asked, giving him another kiss.
"Mama Cassie made lotsa food for you and Tita Drey." He cheekily said.
"Oh yeah?"
"And Mymy baked a cake for you!" Kwento niya.
"Nandyan na ba ang Dada mo?" I heard Mama calling from the dining room.
"I'm right here, Ma." Sabi ko at pumunta ako sa dining room at nakita ang mga nakahaing pagkain sa mesa. Celebrating the last day before our birthday had become a tradition to our family. It's always just a simple celebration with homecooked food we all loved because it was made by our Mama.
"Great! Ikaw na lang ang hinihintay." Sabi ni Mama.
My eyes turned to Anais. She was busy chatting with Drey but she turned her head to my direction when Cookie called her. "Mymy, Dada's here!"
She smiled when our eyes met. Lumapit siya sa akin at huminto sa harap ko. "How was your day?"
"Okay naman. Medyo madaming trabaho." I loosened my tie.
She cocked her brow. "Bakit ngayon ka lang? Nauna pang umuwi si Tito Phoenix at si Kuya Miggy sa'yo."
"They're the boss. I'm just a trainee. Hindi ako pwedeng umangal. You know we don't get special treatment at work. It's quite the opposite actually, I'm given the toughest works." I sighed tiredly. Kuya Miggy had gone through what I'd been going through now. He started at the very bottom of the ladder. Kailangan daw namin maranasan ang lahat ng trabaho sa kumpanya para mas maintindihan ang pamamalakad nito.
"Look on the brighter side, sa'yo din mapupunta ang kumpanya. It's only fair because you have advantages the other employees don't have. I'm giving you the toughest assignments so you'd know how to deal with them when you start running the business." Sabi ni Kuya Miggy.
"I just want to be Cookie's daddy." I said, hugging my son tighter.
"Kumain na tayo. Kanina pa atat na atat yang anak mong kainin yung cake." Sabi ni Anais.
"Then let him have his cake." I told her.
"I want a cake! Please, Mommy!" He pouted his cute little lips.
"Mamaya. It's for dessert. Kailan pa nauna ang dessert sa dinner?"
"Sa birthday ni Dada at ni Tita Drey!" He answered.
"Pilosopo. Mana ka talaga sa Daddy mo." Anais rolled her eyes.
"Kumain muna tayo. Sasakit yung tummy mo kapag inuna mo yung dessert. Saka masarap naman ang luto ni Mama Cassie ah." Sabi ni Drey sa pamangkin.
We all sat on the dining table. Magkatabi kami ni Anais at nakakandong sa akin si Cookie. We held hands and said our grace before gobbling down the food. The table was all cleared out within less than an hour.
"This is the last day my twins are twenty." Dad sighed as he looked at me and Audrey. "I really don't know what to get you two. Ano bang gusto niyong regalo?"
"A Eurotrip!" Agad na sagot ni Drey.
"Hindi ba nalibot na natin ang Europe noong fifteen kayo?" He asked.
"Yeah, but this time I want to go alone." She answered.
"Alone? What do you mean alone? With your friends? Sina Therese ba ang kasama mo?" Tanong ni Dad.
"No, just me. Gusto kong magtravel mag-isa."
"You can't travel alone. Baka kung anong mangyari sa'yo. I heard there's a lot of pickpocketing gypsies in Paris and Rome and other parts of Europe."
"Dad, I did my research. I know what place to avoid. I'm already twenty-one. I want real freedom." She said.
"At least take Yaya Minerva with you. You're going to need a help." He insisted.
"Dad naman. Sabi mo anything I want." She pouted and batted her lashes.
"Birthday naman niya, pagbigyan mo na. Let her explore alone. Alam ko naman kaya niya nang mag-isa." Mama placed her hand over Dad's and Dad quickly softened to her touch, as if he was a melting butter. Mama could practically make Dad do anything she wanted.
Dad let out a heavy sigh. "Are you sure kaya mong mag-isa?"
"Super sure!" Her voice was filled with excitement.
"Fine. I'll book your plane ticket and your hotel accomodation tomorrow. Just don't do anything you know I won't like. Marami akong mata, Audrey." He warned.
"Ang bait bait talaga ng Daddy ko! I have the best Mom and Dad in the whole wide world!" She got up from her chair and went to Dad and Mama and gave them both a kiss and a hug.
"What about you, Coco? What do you want for you birthday?" Tanong ni Mama sa akin.
Anais' pussy. The last time I had her pussy we were in a cheap motel two years ago. I shrugged the thought away. My buddy on the south needed some lovin. "I don't know. Wala pa akong maisip."
"Well I want lots of toys!" Sabi ni Cookie.
"Cookie, si Dada ang may birthday. Matagal pa yung sa'yo." Anais explained.
"Ano'ng toy ba ang gusto ng Cookie namin? Halika nga dito kay Papa Nick." Dad gestured for Cookie to come to him. My son jumped off my lap and ran to Dad.
"Papa Nick, I want a new lego set and a Thomas and Friends train and Paw Patrol!" He said.
"Papa Nick and I will go to the mall on Saturday. We'll take you with us and you can have all the toys you want." Mama dotted at her grandson.
"Yay! I love you Papa Nick! I love you Mama Cassie!" He gave them both a sweet peck on the cheek.
"I want new toys too!" Ronnie excitedly said.
"Miggy put your phone down. This is family time." Saway ni Mama kay Kuya. If he wasn't in front of his laptop, he had his eyes and hands glued to his phone. My brother was a very busy man.
"Ma, I just need to answer this message. Importante itong kliyente-"
"Miggy anak, didn't I tell you that family always comes first? Wala akong pakialam kahit si Queen Elizabeth pa ang kausap mo. Makakapaghintay yan. If he can't wait then it's his loss." Dad said.
"I'll just send one last message."
"Hand me the phone." Inilahad ni Mama ang kamay niya kay Kuya. Kuya Miggy sighed before handing Mama his phone.
After we finished our dinner, nilabas na nila ang ginawang cake ni anais. A cake with two different flavor. The right half of it was chocolate and the other half was a strawberry short cake. Since there was already a cake, we decided to put candles on it and blow it.
"What did you wish for?" Tanong sa akin ni Anais habang kalong ko si Cookie. Nililinis na ang mesa. He sat, facing me and straddling my lap with his head resting on my shoulder.
"Para kay Cookie. I want nothing more than to see him happy." I kissed the side of his head. It was that and I had another wish I could never tell Anais. I grew up hearing the phrase 'Don't fix something if it's not broken'. Sometimes I'm tempted to find out what would happen if we decide to turn this frienship into something more. For Cookie. The risk and the cost of it was too much. I didn't want to lose her or what we have. Ang mahalaga nakakasama ko pa rin siya at ang anak namin.
"Mymy, I want to go to bed." He yawned.
"Do you want to sleep with Dada tonight?" She raked her fingers over his blonde hair.
He nodded his head.
"Iiwan ko na muna si Cookie sa'yo." Sabi ni Anais.
"It's not Friday yet. Paano ang Dad mo?"
"Ako na ang bahala sa kanya." She smiled.
I cupped her chin between my two fingers and kissed her. She answered back, moving her lips against mine.
"Dada, why do you kiss Mymy?" Our son asked when we drew away. He was looking up at us.
"Because Mymy's beautiful and it's Dada's birthday." I grinned.
"Mama Cassie's beautiful and Tita Drey and Tita Ronnie but you don't kiss them." He blinked.
"I do kiss them." I said.
"But not like how you kiss Mymy." He asked.
"Hindi ba inaantok ka na. Go to sleep." Sabi ni Anais bago siya hinalikan ang bata. Cookie buried his face into my chest and after just a few seconds his breathing had changed, telling me that he had fallen asleep.
We took him to my room and laid him down my bed. Yumuko si Anais para bigyan ng halik si Cookie sa pisngi. She brushed her fingers through his golden hair. "He looks so much like you now more than ever."
I wrapped my arms around her waist from her back and left a kiss on her shoulder. "Ayaw mo bang matulog kasama namin dito?"
"Baka gusto mong sumugod si Dad dito." She chuckled quietly. "Basta ikaw na ang bahala kay Cookie. May damit pa naman siya dito, di ba? Palitan mo na lang bago ka matulog saka punasan mo na din. Baka mangati kasi."
"Okay." I answered, dragging my lips up her neck.
"Coco naman. Baka magising si Cookie." She shrugged my lips away.
"Don't I get a birthday gift?" I asked against her skin.
"I already made you a birthday cake." She rolled her eyes.
"Can you be my birthday cake? I want to eat you out." I bit her earlobe.
"Mahiya ka naman, Nicholas. Sa harap ng anak mo..." She silently said.
"Edi tatalikod tayo." I chuckled.
"Gago ka talaga!" She pried my arm from her waist. "Uuwi na ako. Baka hanapin pa ako ni Dad."
"What the hell is going on?" I asked as I walked down the stairs while holding Cookie in my hand and him clutching a Paw Patrol stuffed animal in the other. We'd just finished watching his favorite cartoon and we had a bath. We came down to have our breakfast and saw a handful of police officers in our home.
"Dada, why are there police everywhere?" Cookie asked.
"I don't know, Cookie." I answered, my heart pounding against my chest.
I carried Cookie in my arm and looked for Mama and Dad. They were in the living room talking to a police with Audrey's group of friends.
"Ma, Dad, what's happening?" I asked.
"Your sister..." Mama said, sobbing.
"What happened to Drey?" Natatarantang tanong ko. I knew it was her and I didn't have a good feeling about this.
"Bigla na lang nawala si Audrey kagabi. Hanggang ngayon hindi namin siya ma-contact." Sabi ni Therese.
"Damn it!" I cussed.
"Dada, don't say bad words!" Cookie scolded.
"Sorry, baby." I kissed him and then averted my eyes to Mama. "The same thing happened to Anais before. Has anyone tried to track her phone?"
"We found it in the parking lot of the club we went to last night along with one of her heels." Sagot ni Scarlett.
"Was she drunk?" I asked.
"No, she wasn't. Kakarating lang namin sa club nun. She excused herself to go to the ladies' room and we waited for her but she didn't come back. When we checked, yung bag lang niya ang nakita namin." Therese said in a shaky voice.
"I want you to find my daughter and bring her back to me." I heard Dad telling one of the members of the search team. His voice was filled with so much anxiety and fear. "Halughugin niyo ang buong Pilipinas. I will give everything I have maibalik niyo lang ng maayos ang anak ko."
"We're doing the best we can, Mr. Cordova." Sagot ng kausap niya.
"It's not good enough. Kung ginagawa niyo ang lahat, sana na hanap niyo na ang anak ko." Dad's voice quivered with a mix of anger and tears.
"Nick..." Ma rubbed his arm, trying to calm him down.
I tried to go about my day and told myself they'd find Audrey soon. That twin of mine is a little bit crazy in the head. Maybe she was just pulling a prank on us. I calmly fed my son his breakfast but my mind was racing in fear.
"Dada, where's Tita Drey? Why are the police looking for her?" Asked Cookie.
"We don't know yet, baby. Kaya nga nandito ang mga police para tulungan kaming hanapin siya." I answered.
"Coco..." Pumasok si Anais sa dining room. She had a worried looking on her face. "What happened to Drey?"
"I... I don't know..." My eyes lowered as tears began to build up. Damn it! I hated crying. I knew deep down that something bad had happened to her. Alam ko dahil kambal kami. Nararamdaman ko. Kahit anong tanggi ko alam kong hindi magagawa ni Drey na umalis na lang ng basta basta.
She walked up to where I sat and wrapped her warm arms around me. I buried my face into her tummy and tears spilled from my eyes. She brushed her fingers through my hair, comforting me. "We can't Drey. Gusto kong maniwalang walang masamang nangyari sa kanya pero iba ang nararamdaman ko."
"It's going to be okay. Makikita din si Drey." She told me in a comforting hush.
"Dada, don't cry." Cookie climbed on my lap and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I turned my head to him and kissed my little boy.
Tito Axel was the first to send help when he found out that Audrey had been missing. He called his own rescue team. Tito Axel's father and the chief of PNP were long time friends and he used that connection to his advantage. In no time, our house was filled with police officers. Maids frantically served them with juice and sandwiches as they investigated. Dumating din sina Lolo James, Uncle Tristan at ang pamilya niya, si Tito Seth at si Tito Wayne.
"Cass, kung may kailangan pa kayo just let me know." Sabi ni Tito Axel habang kausap si Mama. "There has been bad blood between your son, husband and I but at times like this, alam niyong nandito lang kami ng pamilya ko para sa inyo. Hindi na din iba si Audrey sa akin. Gusto ko din mahanap na siya at maiuwing ligtas."
"Salamat, Axel." Mama said, her eyes red from crying.
Hours turned into days. Pangatlong araw nang nawawala si Audrey pero wala pa rin silang makuhang kahit anong lead kung nasaan si Audrey. That night I dreamt of her. She was in a dark place and she was crying...
"Coco..." I woke up when Anais shook me. Nasa living room kami. My head was on her lap and Cookie was sleeping on top of my chest. Hindi ako makatulog masyado mula nang mawala si Audrey. My anxiety wakes me up every night. I didn't think anyone in this house was getting any sleep. "Kanina ka pa umuungol."
"I dreamt of Drey again..." I quietly said as I rubbed Cookie's back. I swallowed back my tears. "Do you think... do you think she's still alive?"
"Ano ka ba? Huwag ka ngang mag-isip ng kung anu-ano. Of course, she's alive! Mahahanap din si Drey at magiging okay ang lahat. The best we can do right now is pray for her." Sabi ni Anais.
I could feel the sadness in every room of this house since Drey had gone missing. It was so heavy I could physically feel crushing my chest. Walang ginawa si Kuya Miggy kung hindi mag-update sa report ng mga pulis. I hadn't seen Ronnie out of her room for days now, she was the closest to Drey as they were both girls. Dad was falling apart and Mama was trying to pull everything together.
"Nick, you don't eat or sleep anymore..." I overheard Mama's voice in Dad's study. "Ni hindi ka na nga umalis diyan."
"I'm waiting for their call. Paano kapag tumawag ang mga kidnapper at walang makasagot?" Sabi ni Dad. "My baby needs me, Cass. Kailangan ako ni Audrey. I'll give everything I have, even my own life, just to make sure she's gets home safe."
"Makakauwi din si Audrey. I know she will. Nanggaling siya sa akin. I knew in my heart that she will find her way home." Mama gently said.
"Why is this happening to us?" There was a hint of resignation in his weary voice.
On the fifth day, we received a report from the police. An old couple found a woman in the middle of the field. Audrey daw ang pangalan nito. Agad namin pinuntahan ang ospital na pinagdalhan sa babaeng tinutukoy ng mga ito. The doctor said the woman passed out from exhaustion and was dehydrated from running. The couple who found her told us she was found naked. They'd also run a medical test on her, her inner thighs and crotch area were bruised and her vagina had deep wounds. All signs pointed to rape. They say she was repeatedly raped.
We were taken to her room and it was as if the world fell on me when I saw Audrey. Mama hugged her and cried when she saw my twin sister.
"No! Please, no. Ayoko na..." Drey who had just woken up tried to push Mama away.
"Audrey, it's me. Mama..." Mama cupped her face firmly in her hands as my twin struggled.
She calmed down and paused. Maya-maya ay yumakap siya at humagulgol. "Mama!"
"It's okay. Nandito na ako. Nandito na kami ng Daddy mo." She rubbed her back soothingly.
"Mga hayop sila. Mama, binaboy nila ako." She cried.
"Sinong sila?" Mama asked.
"I don't know." She sobbed, shaking her head.
Kuya Miggy collapsed on the couch near her bed. He buried his face into his palms and cried. Dad got out of the room and I followed him. He let out an angry scream and punched the wall. He punched the wall as hot, angry tears began to flow from his eyes and his knuckles were already bleeding.
I felt the same way too. I wanted to kill someone. Gusto kong pumatay. Gusto kong manakit pero hindi ko alam kung sino ang sasaktan ko. It hurt so much I just felt numb in the inside. There was a sense of derealization. I felt like I was just watching a dream and none of this was real. How I wish it wasn't real.
Hinawakan ko siya at pinigil. "Dad..."
"Why your sister? Why my sweet Audrey?" Nanghihinang tanong niya. We slowly slid down until we were sitting on the ground.
"Dad, ang mahalaga nandito na si Drey. She's still alive." Sabi ko.
"Kasalanan ko ito. Ito na ang kabayaran sa mga nagawa ko sa Mama mo." He began to cry. "Sana ako na lang ang pinarusahan, hindi ang kapatid mo... Why my little girl?"
I never bothered to ask what he meant. I tried to comfort him the best I could.
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