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Baris and Deniz had been friends since childhood. From the first day they entered elementary school, they were seated next to each other, a position they maintained without moving even once until the fifth grade. By the time the two boys went to high school, their physical proximity had lessened, yet they still remained good friends.
Baris was inherently bright. He studied diligently and consistently sat at the top of his class every semester. Deniz was also clever and good at learning, but his playful nature held him back, keeping his scores significantly behind those of Baris. Baris was a scion of studiousness who rarely stopped working. When he found free time, he stayed indoors to play video games and did not step outside for a moment. Unlike Baris, Deniz loved football and sports, and he sometimes visited the internet café with other friends.
When Baris was younger, a private incident made him aware of his true sexuality, and he gradually realized he was different from other boys. He accepted that he might be bisexual, while Deniz, in Baris's careful assessment, appeared absolutely straight.
In their eighth grade year, Baris had to sit at the last desk, the same desk Deniz already occupied. Baris was initially bored because he believed it would be difficult for the teacher to see him raise his hand to speak. However, sitting there soon brought him a quiet bliss. Deniz consistently made him laugh with his jokes and funny questions every day. Bit by bit, Baris stopped counting the silly questions Deniz asked him or the number of times they had laughed together. He also ceased counting the times he peeped at Deniz sleeping in class, the many times Deniz asked him about the lessons, and the hours he spent teaching him. Even though they were both situated at the edges of the classroom, two arms apart, they still communicated constantly.
It was not until one night, when Baris dreamed of Deniz, that he finally knew he had developed a crush on his best friend.
The following morning at school, Baris confessed his secret to the two girls he played with. Since that day, the girls had been making endless fun of him. Baris discovered Deniz's handsomeness was truly a crime, something he had never fully appreciated before. Deniz possessed an angular face topped with dark, curly hair. His lips seemed more beautiful than a girl's blood red lips. His dimpled cheeks, white teeth, and sparkling eyes always made the girls in the class fall in love with him.
His smile was what melted Baris's heart completely. It felt like the sun after a cleansing rain, shining directly into Baris's soul. He loved the smile, and he loved its owner, too. Baris typically did not enjoy flirting, but because of Deniz, he had to rack his brains to create some subtle hints for his crush. The timid Baris sent his covert messages through small, yellow notes. He wrote them in Turkish because he felt too shy and vulnerable to write in English. Deniz was admittedly bad at the foreign language, so sometimes he did not understand the letters Baris had sent, not even a single word. At such times, Baris could only feel deeply bored and complained silently to himself, "Deniz, you are so bad at Turkish. I don't understand why I have a crush on you, you scumbag!"
Baris kept his unrequited love secret until the day Deniz had to change his seat. Baris was not only sad about not being able to sit with Deniz anymore, but he was also unhappy that the place Deniz sat in was a gathering of three girls Baris actively disliked. Two of the three were already in a relationship, and the other claimed to be a lesbian. Nonetheless, all three flirted openly with Deniz, which made Baris feel profound disgust.
One cloudy Sunday, overwhelmed by loneliness and jealousy, Baris decided he could no longer wait and chose to confess his love to Deniz through a text message.
"Deniz!"
"What?"
"I have something to tell you."
"About what?"
"I like you very much."
"Are you crazy, Baris?"
"I'm telling the truth."
"Stop joking, kid!"
"I like you, honestly!"
"You're scaring me! Stop, or I'll block you!"
"I like you a lot. I like your face. I also like your smile, voice, and everything that belongs to you."
"Hey, Deniz?"
"It's okay if you don't accept me, but don't hate me, don't alienate or discriminate against me, okay?"
"Deniz?"
...
Baris kept texting in vain, but there was no reply. The rain was falling outside, pouring down as if the sky wanted to make his tears even sadder. He cried with the rains, one from the outside and the other in his heart.
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