Kabanata 17
TRIGGER WARNING: Might contain sensitive topics.
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Kabanata 17
I was confused and shocked too, mabilis akong tumayo sa bench habang karga si Chichay at nakita ko ring napatayo si Locket sa tabi ko, nakatingin pa rin sa babae na kunot na ang noo sa kanya.
I don't know why but the look on Locket's eyes are new, it was sad and longing...
"Veronica?" he called again and the lady frowned a bit, her lips suddenly lifted for a sly smile.
"Locket." The woman called and when I glanced back at Locket, I saw how he froze.
"Via..." he suddenly said, as if he realized something and the lady smiled and nodded.
She's beautiful, brave looking eyes, long hair and black eyes. Nakasuot siya ng floral dress at kaagad na sumulyap sa akin ng bahagya pero 'di ako pinagtuunan.
"Long time no see, ah?" the lady said, inayos niya ang dress niya, marahang naglalakad papunta sa aming dalawa.
"Yeah, long time." Locket said and cleared his throat, I saw him brushed his hair with his fingers, licking his lower lip and stared at the woman who smirked and nodded.
"You thought I was Veronica?" she smiled and I didn't know why but my heart ache, medyo naguguluhan pa rin kung sino ang babae.
"No, I was just-" Chichay suddenly barked, lahat kami ay nagulat. She souded angry and growling while looking at the girl he called Via and she was shocked.
"What a creep!" she screamed when Chichay growled.
"Shhh, it's okay...it's okay." I said, hugging Chichay more na mukhang galit na galit pa rin.
"What's-" tahol pa rin ng tahol si Chichay kaya mas niyakap ko ito at hinaplos ang likod.
"It's okay, baby. It's okay." I said and I felt how Chichay relaxed after a few touch, the lady frowned but stood straight, as if nothing happened. Si Locket ay mukhang wala sa sarili, bahagyang nakatingin kung saan at nakaigting ang panga.
"I'm so sorry about her," I told the girl who glanced at me from head to toe before smiling.
"Oh, it's okay, stray dog?" she asked, pointing Chichay and I was offended but I chose to remain calm.
"Ah, no. My pet." I said and the lady glanced again at the growling Chichay and smiled awkwardly.
"Oh, I see..." she smiled at mas hinaplos ko si Chichay hanggang sa tuluyang manahimik. "Anyway, Locket, anong ginagawa mo rito?" the lady asked.
Locket stared at her before glancing at me, mukhang pinapalapit niya ako kaya marahan akong lumapit sa kanya.
"We just ate, Via." He said and the lady nodded, glancing at me.
"Hmm, magkasama pala kayo." She said and nodded, as if amazed yet I can see the wicked look on her eyes. "That's new. Date?"
I smiled a bit, was about to nod but he spoke.
"No." Locket said, stopping me.
What? I thought...
"May binili lang dito sa Batangas," aniya habang nakatingin sa babae na tumango-tango at sumulyap sa akin at ngumiti.
"Hello, Miss, that's so rude of me na hindi nagpakilala. I'm Via Abad." She said.
"Nice meeting you, Via." I said. "Crest. Crest Veronica Sandejas."
I saw the lady stopped, napasulyap siya kay Locket na seryosong nakatingin lang sa kanya at tumango ang babae bago nagsalita.
"It's been years, ah? 'Yong kambal ko. Hindi ka pa rin-"
"Via." Locket called in a warning tone and the lady chuckled and nodded, flipping her hair.
"Oh, sorry." She said. "But really, huh? Hindi pa?" she beamed.
"Via," Locket called again and slowly touched my waist, nakita kong napasulyap doon si Via at ngumuso.
"Dapat lang, Locket. Dapat lang." The lady said and Locket's jaw clenched.
I was so confused at the moment, naguguluhan sa nangyayari. Lalo na nang buo nang humawak sa baywang ko si Locket.
"We have to go, nice meeting you again." Locket said in dismissal, malamig at kalkulado. Mas mukhang natuwa naman ang babae roon at nginitian ako bago balingan ang huli.
"Agad? Bakit 'di mo bisitahin 'yong pinuntahan niyo noon? Ayaw mo munang mamasyal-"
"I have some work to do, excuse, Via. Nice meeting you again." Locket said, he sounded stiff or something, he looks uncomfortable. Madilim ang mga mata at wala na ang kislap habang magkausap kami kanina habang nakatingin sa araw na lumubog na.
"Oh? How about your new Vero-"
"Excuse, mauuna na kami." Locket took my hand, nagitla ako roon, lalo na nang marahang hilahin niya ako paalis, inabot pa ang maliit kong bag sa bench at hindi man lang lumingon sa babae.
"Anyway, my Mom is going back from States!" the lady exclaimed while we're walking away. I saw how Locket stopped on his tracks but continued walking. "And she wanted to see his son-in-law!"
I was stunned, napasulyap ako kay Locket na walang pakialam sa narinig at mas hinila pa ako.
"Locket." I called but he looks frantic and annoyed, nakarating kami sa sasakyan niya ng hila-hila niya ako kaya kumunot na ang noo ko. "Locket-"
"We're going back," he said in dismissal, opened the car door for me at gulong-gulo pa rin ay pumasok na ako bago inilapag si Chichay sa hita ko.
I was bothered with the silence on our way home, I was confused, I am dying to ask him what just happened but when I saw how serious and cold he is while driving, I chose to be silent.
I played with Chichay while he's busy driving. Seryoso siya, tahimik at mahigpit ang hawak sa manibela. Locket was always cold but he was never tensed like this.
"Can we go to the drive-thru, Pingu?" I asked after a while and he remained driving kaya tumikhim ako. "Lorcan Keith." I called.
Umayos siya ng upo, I saw how he glanced at me. "Hmm?"
"Can we go to the drive-thru?" I asked and he nodded at me, "sorry." Aniya bago imaniobra ang sasakyan.
I ordered foods for us sa biyahe, nag-order din ako ng chicken for Chichay. The whole duration of our drive, he was just like that and it kept me thinking.
Who's Via? Who's...Veronica?
Locket was about to drop me off my unit when I told him I am staying with him.
"You should go home-"
"I am staying with you tonight." I insisted and he remained staring at me with his dark gray eyes.
"Crest-"
"Please?" I pleaded in a soft voice, thinking of ways so I could sleep on his unit. "I'm...I can't sleep that much alone, I had nightmares so I'm scared."
He stared at me, ngumuso naman ako at nakita ko ang paghugot niya ng hininga bago tumango at pinasibad paalis ang sasakyan.
Locket was silent but he's still caring for me, habang nasa elevator ay siya ang may dala sa bag ko at mahigpit na nakahawak sa kamay kong hindi hawak si Chichay na nasa bisig ko.
We got inside his unit and he immediately excused himself and vanished, ako nama'y naging abala sa paghihimay ng laman ng manok para sa baby Chichay ko na mukhang tuwang-tuwa nang makita at makapasok sa unit ni Papa Pingu niya.
"Are you happy, Chichay?" I asked softly at my new baby who only barked a little and continued eating like she was so hungry.
I smiled while staring at the dog, she's beautiful. Kahit naman bulag ang isang eye niya, she's amazing and I believe every imperfection is beautiful.
After eating, nilagay ko si Ping-ping sa headboard ng kama ni Locket bago ko dalhin si Chichay sa banyo para paliguan saglit. I was planning on buying her stuff and foods tomorrow after my work sa opisina ni Mommy tapos ako na lang ang magtatahi ng damit niya.
I chuckled when I saw Chichay barking a bit, probably a bit startled with me fixing her.
"Oh, it's okay, baby." I said softly. "Come here, para clean ikaw? Ayaw mo ba?"
She remained staring at me, as if memorizing my face kaya mas ngumiti ako at inilahad ang kamay.
"Tara, baby." I said and not a moment later, she's willingly letting me clean him.
I put her on the side of the bed after. Mukha naman siyang naninibago noong una at nanatiling nakatayo lang doon but then, maybe sa pagod ay unti-unti siyang humiga sa sahig at tahimik akong pinagmasdan na inaasikaso siya.
"Tomorrow, sa unit ko na tayo." I smiled. "Tapos I will buy you kikay things like that, okay? Don't worry about your outfits because Mama Pinga will do it personally, hmm?"
She barked as if understanding me, natawa naman ako at hinaplos-haplos ang chin niya bago siya iwan para ako naman ang maglinis ng katawan.
I wore Locket's shirt and boxers when I am done taking a shower. Si Chichay ay tulog sa gilid ng kama niya kaya kaagad kong hinanap si Locket at nakita siyang nasa terrace ng kwarto niya.
He's just standing there in darkness and silence, malayo ang tingin, sa isang kamay niya ay may kopita ng alak.
The scene earlier came back on my mind and it bothered me pero kaagad kong binuksan ang salamin para makapasok doon.
Hindi man lang gumalaw at nagulat si Locket, he seems so lost in his deep thoughts kaya unti-unti, naglakad ako palapit sa kanya at tahimik na niyakap ang baywang niya. I felt him froze but I felt his hand touched my hands on his stomach.
"Are you hungry?" he asked after a while and I shook my head while still burying my head on his back.
"No," I answered gently. "You, are you okay?"
Hindi siya kaagad sumagot, tinanggal niya ang kamay ko sa tiyan niya bago ako marahang hawakan paharap sa kanya. He took me in front of him and I felt my back touched the barricade, inangat ko ang mukha at naabutan siyang nakatitig sa akin gamit ang namumungay niyang mata.
"Are you drunk?" I asked and lifted my head to touched his cheek and he shook his head at me and lowered the glass before caging me in between his body.
"No..." he shook his head, he moved his head closer until our forehead touched, the smell of rum from his breath touched my nose.
"Ilan na ang nainom mo? Ayos ka lang?" I asked, worried and he nodded again, closing his eyes, our bodies still close.
"Hmm...I'm not...drunk." He said, mula sa noo ko ay bumaba ang ulo niya sa balikat ko. He buried his head there, and hugged my waist, sumulyap naman ako sa bote ng iniinom niya at nakalahati na nga.
"Hindi lasing ka diyan," I said when I felt him becoming so clingy, yakap-yakap ako, ang ulo'y nasa leeg ko at humahalik doon. "Ni hindi ka kumain, ah? Tapos uminom ka?"
"I'm not hungry." He muttered and towered me. I felt so small on his large frame, umayos siya ng tayo at nang magtagpo na naman ang mata namin ay nag-alala na ako sa kanya.
"Why? Ayos ka lang ba?" I asked, "kanina ka pang ganyan, ah-" he lowered his face and caught my lips.
I was shocked at first but I kissed him gently back after. I parted my lips and welcome him, only to taste the mix of mint and the bitter, intoxicating rum on his tongue. Our kisses deepened, I felt him touched my waist and gripped my butt.
"Hmm..." I hummed and pushed him pero patuloy pa rin sa halik niya kaya kinagat ko ang dila niya.
"Fuck!" he frowned and moved away from me. "What? Why?" he asked, confused, nakangiwi sa sakit kaya tinawanan ko na at pinisil ang pisngi.
"Dalang-dala, Pingu?" I asked, "you're drunk, you should rest and all."
"But-"
"Rest." I said, pushing him back to the room. "You have work tomorrow and I did too, ang mga guards na ang bahala sa 'kin, right? Kapag wala ka? Doon muna ako sa office ni Mom tapos mamimili ng gamit ni Chichay."
"Just a kiss-" hihirit pa pero inilingan ko na at tinuro ko ang kwarto.
"No, get in and rest." I said, raising my brow and he sighed, nodding. Napahawak siya sa batok at wala sa sariling pumasok sa loob ng kwarto at nakita ko pang bumagsak siya sa kama na parang lutang.
"Crazy," I whispered and fixed the bottle and his glass of rum.
When I got inside the room, nasa kama na rin si Chichay at yakap-yakap na ni Locket. It made my heart swell, napangiti ako at marahang kinuha si Chichay para ilagay pabalik sa higaan niyang ginawa ko sa gilid para 'di namin maipit at binalikan si Locket.
I rested my body beside his and stared at his face, wondering what happened in between him and that woman earlier. Kung bakit...gano'n siyang maka-react.
I lied down and touched his cheek and I saw how his one eye slightly opened to look at me.
"What?" I asked and smiled.
He moved closer to me, my heart swelled when he placed his hand on my waist and pulled me closer to his body.
"Clingy natin, ah?" I asked. "Ganyan ka ba kapag lasing?"
"I'm just tipsy," he whispered, hiding his face on my chest.
We remained silent for a while, hinahaplos ko ang buhok niya habang nakayakap siya sa akin. I know he's still awake, ramdam na ramdam ko ang tensyon niya kaya nagsalita na ako.
"Do you have a problem?" I asked, "ako, palagi kitang napaglalabasan ng problema. You can confide on me too, you know?"
"It's nothing." Aniya.
"Is that about the woman earlier?" I asked and when I felt him froze, I knew it is.
"Let's not talk about it." Aniya kaya napatango na lang ako at hinaplos ang kanyang buhok.
"Okay, sabi mo, eh." I whispered. "Basta ba, dito lang ako, ah?" I whispered and he sighed, hugging me tighter.
"D-don't leave me," he whispered and I bit my lower lip and nodded, kissing his head.
"I won't, dito lang ako." I muttered but I can feel something is off.
Akala ko no'ng una ay nananahimik lang siya pero mayamaya'y narining ko ang mahina niyang pagsinghot.
My forehead creased, kaagad ko siyang tinitigan at akmang sisilipin ang mukha pero mabilis niyang natago ang sarili. My mouth parted when I felt how he tensed up and spoke.
"I-I just want to be finally happy again, Crest." He muttered and my heart broke when I heard the weakness on his voice.
"Locket-"
"G-gusto kong maging masaya pero ang hirap-hirap." And when he said that, I felt it, as if his pain resembles mine.
Na gusto ko ring maging masaya pero...pero ang hirap-hirap.
"Locket," I called and moved his head on my arms. He didn't want me to see him so I let him hide his face on my neck, mahigpit ang yakap niya sa akin, ang kamay ay nasa baywang ko, tila takot na kung ano.
"I can't escape it." He whispered and I nodded, didn't know what is referring to but felt him deeply. "G-gusto ko nang umalis pero..." he shook his head harshly and I let him be weak on me like I am when I'm with him.
It was as if our hearts are connected and our griefs are shared, ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigay na pinagdaraanan niya kahit hindi ko alam ang pinanghuhugutan. He may be a bit drunk that's why he's vulnerable like this but I am glad he opened up.
"Sabi mo dati sa'kin...happiness is a choice kaya ibabalik ko lang sa'yo." I whispered when he calmed down, lumalim pa ang paghinga kaya lumayo ako ng bahagya at inabot ang kanyang pisngi.
I have never seen him like this that it broke me. His eyes are the darkest shades of gray that it almost turned black when he's looking at me right now.
"They said even the loneliest people deserves to be happy, good things may not come to you immediately but it will come along the way but nasa sa 'yo pa rin 'yan, Pingu." I touched his cheek, nangingilid na rin ang luha habang nakatitig sa kanya.
"Kahit may magandang nangyayari na sa 'yo, kapag nag-decide ka na ayaw mong maging masaya, hindi talaga. Nothing will make you happy unless you choose to be happy." I smiled after saying that, nahulog ang luha sa gilid ng mata niya kaya nakagat ko ang labi.
I dried the tears on his cheek, inabot niya rin ang pisngi ko at may pinunasan kaya napangiti ako.
"Kaya choose happiness, choose Crest-ganda." I winked.
He suddenly chuckled, I saw how his eyes lit up despite the tears. Natawa ako roon at pinisil ang kanyang pisngi bago hagkan ang noo niya.
"I may not know what you've been through pero dito lang ako, Locket. I will wait until you open up on me too..." I whispered.
He slowly pulled me, napayakap ako sa kanya sa ginawa niya kaya natawa na ako.
"What, is that a clingy penguin?" I whispered and he chuckled, hugging me more.
"Just maybe getting some warmth from my Mama Pinga?" he whispered and my heart pounded. Pinatay niya ang ilaw, tanging ang lamp na lang sa gilid ang may ilaw kaya mas kumalma ang pakiramdam.
I was thinking if I should say it out loud or what but I think I should. I can't hide this anymore.
I sighed and whispered, "I love you, Lorcan Keith."
I felt how stunned he is when he heard that and my heart ache.
"You don't have to reciprocate it," I said. "I just...want to tell you."
His hug tightened, "I'm getting there, Crest." He whispered.
Ramdam ko ang hapdi sa puso ko pero hindi ko mapipilit ang nararamdaman niya.
"Those words are powerful so I want to say it when I know I really meant it," he said. "Gustong-gusto kita, Crest Veronica. Always remember that I like you, intensely."
It was enough for me to here, knowing that he like me...intensely. That those words are important to him, na hindi lang basta sasabihin sa kahit kanino.
I want him to love him but feelings shouldn't be forced, it should always come along the way...naturally. I want him to love me truthfully.
I woke up not because of my nightmares but because of his, when I opened my eyes, he's gripping my hand tightly, kunot ang noo at malalim ang paghinga.
"Locket," I called.
"D-don't leave me..." his voice turned somber and my heart fell.
"Shh, I won't..." I said softly, touching his hair with my fingers. "I won't."
"Don't..." I can sense the fear on his voice, kunot ang noo niya.
"It's just a dream, hmm?" I muttered. "It's just a dream." I tried calming him down.
"D-don't leave...please." His grip tightened on my palm. "D-don't leave me...Ver."
A thought crossed my mind and I froze while staring at his face.
"V-Veronica..." he muttered and pushed my hand closer, I fell on his body but then, instead of feeling needed, I felt something else and it bothered me for a long time.
Ever since that day, I can notice Locket's silence.
I rarely go to the precinct now because of my work in Mom's company. Lorcan still is my personal bodyguard, may usapan na kami noong kapag wala akong masyadong gagawin at gano'n din siya ay pupunta ako sa presinto o kaya'y siya ang pupunta sa opisina para bantayan ako pero kapag pareho kaming abala ay may mga bodyguards akong kasama.
Tho, simula noon pa ay hindi ako komportable sa mga bodyguard because they're men kaya ayaw ko ng gano'n pero Dad compromised, kapag wala si Locket, he told me I couldn't see my bodyguards but they're around.
I couldn't risk my safety too, that event traumatized me to the core that I often commute or ride with my twin to work.
"So, kumusta ang designs?" Clyte smiled while staring at the new sketches I'm showing her.
"Sabi ni Tita Nat, they're still on review." I smiled at her. "Madali lang naman ang work kay Mom dahil mostly, tumutulong lang ako sa budget approval and Mommy's always there to check on me. Mababait din naman mga tao."
"Wow, ang galing naman talaga ng Crest-Crest ko." She pinched my cheek and I giggled, mabilis kong niyakap ang baywang niya at natatawang yumakap siya sa baywang ko.
"I love you, Clyte-Clyte ko. Thank you for always cheering me." I said and rested my head on her shoulder.
"I'm always your number one supporter, Crest." She chuckled, "you are so talented and very very bright, you deserved the world."
"Alam mo ba, sabi ni Mommy sa 'kin, if I want to try out a new business, they'll support me?" I said, lumayo para tignan siya.
Her brown eyes brightened and smiled. "Really?! Wow, would you try it? Do it, Crest! You can make a small boutique at first tapos kapag nag-boom, mag-expand ka ng branches!"
I smiled and nodded at her, ipinakita kong muli sa kanya ang sketchpad ko.
"Hmm but I wanna be like you!" I said. "I wanna earn my keep now, too. Gusto kong mag-work, hindi naman p'wedeng asahan ko lang sina Mommy at Dad, right? They're answering all my whims for all these years so I think, I should earn for myself now. I saved doon sa trabaho ko sa precinct dati, dito rin kina Mommy, I am earning the same wage with the employees and I am always happy on my pay days. I'm saving from my salary tapos 'yong sa bank account ko para makapag-start ng business ko."
While I was saying that, Clyte's just staring at me.
"Is...is that you, Crest Veronica?" she asked me seriously, and I was shocked when she hold both of my arms and shook me a bit. "Ilabas mo ang Crest-Crest ko!"
We both laughed, pinalo ko ang balikat niya at mas tumawa siya.
"Sorry, new me na." I flipped my hair and she chuckled, I can see the mix of amusement and pride on her eyes.
"Nagulat lang ako kasi wow?" she gasped in amazement. "Parang motto lang noon, YOLO, ah? Sabi mo pa nga double time pa sina Tito at Chiel."
I laughed when I remembered it.
"Wala lang, I just thought na masaya pa lang tatayo ka sa sarili mo." I smiled upon saying that, "that it's fun working and it's fulfilling to do the things you couldn't do before without waiting for someone's approval."
"Kasi you should always be doing everything for yourself, Crest." Clyte smiled and squeezed my hand. "Those friends you had before, they are no good influence to you. When they set you up and made fun of you? You didn't deserve that. Ang tunay na kaibigan, ang tunay na nagmamahal sa 'yo, hinding-hindi gagawin 'yon."
I slowly nodded when I remembered them, I remembered how their names made a fuss in social media just this week because of my public apology condition. Dad was there to fought for me against them, how much they asked to compromise pero kung hindi ako pumayag ay mas nagmatigas ang pamilya ko.
Muntik pang u-ma-ttitude ang Mommy ko noong nakausap ang lawyer ng kabilang panig, Atty. Melo Alejez, Samantha's Dad.
They were asking to just pay the damages monetarily without making a fuss pero hindi kami...mostly, sila pumayag.
Sam is crying, si Jellie ay tahimik lang habang kinakausap ni Atty. Adira, my topnotcher baby sister, tungkol sa mga conditions ko sa public apology nila.
My Dad was furious but he's calming himself down, mukhang iritado pa roon sa Atty. Alejez na kausap nila. I noticed the man staring at my Mom intensely while she's rolling her eyes tapos si Dad ay muntik pang baliktarin ang lamesa kung hindi lang napigilan ng natatawang si Chiel.
"Eyes here, Atty. Alejez." Malamig na sabi ni Dad kaya napasulyap pabalik 'yong Atty. Alejez kay Dad.
"What?" Atty. Alejez smirked, "I'm just admiring Miss Castuares here-"
"Mrs. Sandejas." Mom corrected him coldly. "It's Thallia Castuares-Sandejas, Attorney."
And the chaotic settlement ended there, Sam and Jellie spent a twenty-four hour detainment for setting me up, we didn't ask them to pay dahil hindi nababayaran ang kahihiyang naramdaman ko no'ng araw na 'yon and instead, they wrote a public apology in their social media accounts.
Samantha Alejez and Jellie Ramirez apologized and admitted setting me up for theft in the jewelry store na hindi rin nakaligtas sa kaso nila Dad.
That was my father's last case as a lawyer and I am so proud when he accepted a prosecutor's position after.
"You're actually right," I smiled and stared at Clyte-Clyte. "Kaya nga I'm super grateful of you for always being here with me...kahit no'ng mga panahong..." I stopped and I saw the soft expression on her eyes.
"Hindi kita iiwan, hmm?" she hummed and squeezed my hand. "I love you, Crest-Crest and I am always here rooting for you. Hindi mo man sinasabi sa akin lahat ng nararamdaman mo sa loob-loob mo, palagi mo sanang isipin na nandito lang ako always to listen to you, hmm?"
Nangilid ang luha ko at mabilis ko na naman siyang niyakap.
"Please don't leave me, hmm?" I hummed, closing my eyes, nahuhulog na ang luha and she sighed and hugged me more.
"I won't, Crest ko, ano ka ba? H'wag kang umiyak na, iyakin talaga ang BFF ko." She chuckled and softly pushed me to remove the tears escaping from the side of my eyes. "Dito lang ako palagi sa 'yo."
"Promise?" I asked gently, removing the tears on my cheek and lifted my pinky finger.
"I promise." She smiled and moved her finger and crossed it to my pinky finger, sealing our promise.
Clyte and I spent our time together that day, we ate foods in the garden, talking about how our days went through. We rarely see each other because of hectic schedules kaya we're making up for it, always.
"Kumusta naman na kayo ni Locket, hmm? 'Di ka masyadong nagkekwento, ah?" she noticed and I was startled at that, bigla kong naalala ang mga bumabagabag sa akin nitong nakaraan.
I tried removing it on my head, I tried dismissing the idea of it but I just couldn't. Lalo na no'ng napapansin kong mas madalas ang pananahimik ni Locket. The boys are loud but I can always see him spacing out.
"About him," I muttered and bit my lower lip. "I was just bothered-"
"Hoy, kambal, may dala kong pagkain. Tara, lamon!" bigla kong narinig ang boses ni Chiel kung saan kaya nilingon ko ang daan at nakitang kakapasok pa lang na niya, may dalang plastic.
His hair's messy, wala ng suot na coat at nakasabit lang sa balikat kasama no'ng necktie niyang magulo.
"Hoy, pangit!" I exclaimed and laughed, waving at him. He smirked, diretso siyang naglakad papunta sa akin pero kaagad na nawala ang ngiti nang mapatingin sa tabi ko.
"Oh, kasama mo si Clyte-Clyte. Nuod ba tayong movie? May bago akong nadekwat." I smiled at him but he didn't smile back, nanatili ang tingin niya sa nasa tabi ko at nagtaka na akong lalo nang tumikhim si Chiel at umayos ng tayo.
"Good afternoon," he greeted formally.
"G-good afternoon din, Chiel." I heard Clyte answered and he nodded, mabilis na nag-iwas at binalingan ako.
"Lagay ko na lang sa lamesa 'yong pagkain, kambal." He said seriously and lifted the plastic. "I'm gonna sleep first." Pagkatapos ay umalis na siya.
That's odd.
Kumunot ang noo ko, binalingan ko si Clyte na sinundan lang ng tingin ang kambal ko bago bumuntonghininga.
"May problema kayo?" I asked and she glanced at me, as if shock to see me staring at her.
"Wala...naman." She even managed a smile. "So, ano nga 'yon? 'Yong kay Locket?" aniya na parang walang nangyari.
"Umiiwas ka?" I asked and even if she's hiding it, I saw the pain on her eyes.
"Hindi. Hindi, ah." Iling niya.
"That's wrong..." I said softly. "Mali 'yong nararam-"
"I know, Crest." Aniya bago mas tumungo. "K-kaya nga ako umiiwas, kasi...kasi ayaw ko." Iling niya.
It's hard opening up your problems to the people you love, thinking na may problema sila pero nadadagdagan ko pa ng bigat sa akin kaya hindi ko na nasabi ang hirap na nararamdaman ko rin.
Locket and I rarely see each other this time, hindi na rin kami masyadong nag-uusap. I remembered this last few days, I told him pupunta ako sa presinto kasi free ko but he told me na he's busy and they might do some field work kaya hindi ako pumunta.
The next day, I asked him that again and he said they're out pero no'ng minessage ko si Earn ay sabi niya wala naman silang ginagawa at nasa presinto lang and so, no'ng natapos ang pag-aayos ko ng kwarto ni Chichay sa unit ko, hindi ako nagsabi when I went here, noong free time ko'y pumunta ako sa presinto at iniwan ng mga guards doon dahil nandoon naman si Locket.
"Ma'am, kape lang po muna kami diyan sa malapit. Text po kayo o tawag kapag alis na tayo." Ani ng head guard ko kaya ngumiti ako at pumasok na.
And of course, my babies are so thrilled to see me.
"Mama!" they all exclaimed when they saw me approaching.
"Hello, baby penguins ko!" I exclaimed and we all screamed and ran. Nagtawanan kami habang magkayakap.
"Ngayon ka lang ulit bumisita!" Earn whine, making me chuckle.
"Kasi busy daw kayo," I explained and I saw Adam blinked at me.
"Alam ba ni Pigsa na nandito ka, Mama?" ani Brent sa akin kaya umiling ako at ngumisi.
"Nope! Surprise visit lang, I asked Earn nga last night if dito lang kayo today and he said yes." I explained at sabay-sabay na tumingin ang dalawa kay Earn na nagulat pa sa kanila.
"W-what?" he asked, confused, parang dadambahin naman siya no'ng dalawa kaya nagtaka ako at inangat na lang ang hawak ko.
"Milk tea, anyone?"
Their smiles widened and nakita kong magsasalita na sana si Brent pero narinig namin ang komosyon ng ibang pulis.
"Lieutenant!" the greeted kaya sabay-sabay kaming napalingon at nakita ko si Lorcan na naglalakad papasok kasama ang isang may ka-edaran na babae.
Sa tingin ko ay halos ka-age niya ang Mom ko, she has pearls all over and her hair's tied up. Nakasuot pa ng pormal na damit, sa kanyang tabi ay nakita ko ang pamilyar na mukha no'ng babae no'ng nakaraan sa Batangas.
Via...
"Oh, shit, kaya pala!" I heard Earn hissed beside me, nagtatakang nilingon ko siya pero sabay-sabay na silang sumaludo kay Locket na napadaan.
"Salute!" they said and when I glanced at him, I saw his gray eyes widened upon seeing me.
"Locket..." I called gently.
"Oh, a new girl, huh? Hi, Miss." Nawala ang baling ko kay Locket nang magsalita ang babae roon.
"Hello po," I flashed a smile at her. "Good evening."
"Good evening, hija, you are?" she asked and I saw how Locket closed his eyes.
"Ah, Crest po." I said and the woman smiled.
"Oh, I see...ilang araw na kami nitong si Via rito para dumalaw kaso 'di kita nakikita. I'm Charlotte." She offered her hand kaya magalang na tinanggap ko iyon.
"Hello po, Ma'am Charlotte." I greeted.
"Ano ka pala rito, hija?" she asked, "are you a client? Friend nitong anak ko?" she glanced at Locket who looks awfully silent and bothered. Miski sina Adam ay tahimik lang din. Si Via ay nagmamasid lang din, tinaasan pa ako ng kilay.
"Ah, I'm Locket's-"
"Secretary." Ani Locket kaya natigalgal ako at gulat na napatingin sa kanya. "She's my secretary, Mama."
"Oh..." the lady muttered. "I see, maporma itong secretary mo, ah? Lorcan Keith?" the lady said while glancing at my outfit. "Anong tawag ka riyan sa outfit mo, hija? I saw it on magazines."
"A-ah, well..." I was panicking but I glanced at my clothes kung saan medyo litaw ang dibdib ko. "It's a Ruffle Cuff Sheer Mesh sleeve top po."
"Oh, I see...ayan na pala ang uso, ano?" she smiled. "I remember Ver, she would never..." natahimik siya bigla at ngumiti. "Mabuti at hindi mo natitipuhan itong sekretarya mo, ah? Ang ganda, mukhang model."
It was a compliment but I couldn't feel any happiness.
"Of course, Mom." Via chuckled. "Patay na patay kaya itong si Locket sa kakambal ko."
"Oh, that's good. Sayang at wala na siya pero masaya akong siya pa rin. Ang mahalaga'y mahal pa rin siya ng mga taong naiwan niya. Hindi talaga mapapalitan ang anak ko." The lady said and Locket's jaw clenched, mukhang gustong magsalita pero hindi magawa.
"Mama, sa loob na tayo-"
"Right, Lorcan Keith? Si Veronica pa rin ba ang nasa puso mo?" she smiled.
"S'yempre naman, my sister's irreplaceable." Via beamed and stared at Locket. "Right, Locket?" I saw the wicked smile on her lips and I stared at Locket who's looking at me.
May kung anong kumudlit sa puso ko nang makita ko ang pagtango ni Locket.
"Yes, of course." He said, nakatingin na sa akin. "It's always been her, it's always...Veronica."
Para akong sinampal sa katotohanan no'ng mga oras na 'yon, nanatili lang akong nakatitig kay Locket na hindi na ako matignan ngayon.
"Aww, you're so sweet." The lady smiled at Locket, "tara, anak. Doon muna tayo sa opisina mo nang makakain kayo, nagluto akong pansit ngayon. 'Di ba, paborito mo 'to? Madalas niyong kinakain ng anak ko?"
"O-opo." Locket nodded at her and the lady smiled and glanced at me, "ikaw, hija, sama ka na? Itong boyfriend ng anak ko'y mahilig dito pati itong tatlong makukulit. Naalala ko dati, sobrang close ni Ver itong tatlo, ituring niya parang mga anak nila ni Locket." She chuckled pero hindi ako makasabay sa tawa niya.
"A-ah, hindi na po..." I smiled at her, "I'm about to go home, bumisita lang po."
"Oh, I see..." she said and stared at my eyes and smiled. "Oh, your eyes are so sweet. It reminded me my daughter, Ver."
I felt like my heart dropped when I heard that, napasulyap ako kay Locket at nakitang hindi na siya mapakali roon.
"Mama, let's go." I heard him said and the lady nodded, still not taking her eyes off me and walked with him. Si Via ay ngumiti lang sa akin, hinawi ang buhok at sumunod, nang tumingin ako sa tatlo ay sabay-sabay silang lumapit sa akin.
"Madame-"
"Hmm?" I even smiled to hide the pain that's slowly creeping in.
"That's, it's not what you're thinking, Madame." Ani Earn na mukhang nagpa-panic, "it's not-"
"Wala naman akong iniisip, ah? Ano ba kayo?" I even chuckled, si Brent ay nanatili lang nakatitig sa akin kaya sumulyap ako sa orasan ko at ngumiti. "Una na pala ako, ah? Uwi ako ngayon, eh."
"Madame," Adam sighed. "Maybe we should let Lieutenant explain-"
"There's no need to explain, Adam." I said gently. "Ano bang mayro'n? Should I get mad?"
"Pero si Ver-"
"The girlfriend?" I asked and Earn sighed.
"She's gone, she died years ago-"
"Then we should give her the peace, guys." I said and handed them the milk tea. "Ayos lang ako, pauwi na rin talaga. Punta muna akong banyo."
"Hatid ka namin sa labas," ani Adam pero umiling lang ako at inayos ang bag.
"No, ayos lang. Tawag na kayo sa loob, oh? Ayos lang ako, nand'yan lang naman siguro sa labas ang guards ko. Ayos lang ako para fresh pauwi!" I even cheered and I didn't think they got it, kung hindi lang lumabas si Via para tawagin ang tatlo ay hindi pa pupunta ang tatlo.
They even hesitated but I walked towards the restroom and left them kaya nagsipuntahan na rin.
Mabigat ang dibdib ko habang nakatitig sa salamin. I may look strong and tough outside, sa loob ko'y nadudurog na ako.
I kept on thinking about it for a long time now but I never asked, afraid my thoughts are true, afraid of knowing it and him leaving me. Paano na ako? Kapag...nalaman niyang may naiisip na ako, baka ayaw na niya sa 'kin, but now...it's clearer than the crystal skies and it was a slap on my face.
A slap how stupid I am to fall in love without someone still caged on his past.
The door opened, inayos ko ang sarili ko nang makita si Carol na kaagad na tumabi sa akin at naghugas ng kamay kagaya ko.
"So, ngayon mo lang pala nakilala si Tita Charlotte?" she asked and I didn't answer, nagsabon ako ng kamay pero nagsalita pa rin siya. "That's Veronica's mother, Locket's ex-fiancée."
Fiancée? Wow...they almost got married.
"I see," I said calmly, pinatuyo ang kamay ko bago kunin ang lipstick sa bag ko.
"So you really didn't know? Veronica, died of an accident before, well, I really didn't know if it's an accident." Aniya kaya sinulyapan ko siya at nakita ko ang pagtaas ng sulok ng labi niya. "It was days before their wedding."
I never even tried researching, afraid of what I will find out kaya habang naririnig iyon ay mas sumikip ang dibdib ko.
"I think they're about to meet, a date, I guess? But something happened, hindi nakapunta si Locket. I think Ver's calling someone and guess what? Tragically, she was shot and died." She shrugged. "Well, I hate that bitch but that's unfortunate. Pinasara nga lang agad ni Lt. Col. Eugene ang kaso kaya..."
Bumigat lalo ang pakiramdam ko, tahimik kong ibinalik ang lipstick sa bag ko.
"You know what's funny? Noon, I really think he's good to you because you're his secretary or what kaso...come to think of it, Veronica ang pangalan tapos ikaw, Crest...Veronica. Hindi mo man lang ba naisip na baka-"
"I should go." I cut her off and fixed my hair.
"Agad?" she chuckled. "Poor you, Crest. A low life-"
"You know what a low life means?" I said and glanced at her coldly. "Low life is someone like you, Captain. A low life is a person who'd only think of nothing but despair to other people, kagaya mo. Are you that bored in life na puro kamiserablehan ng kapwa ang hiling mo?"
Her mouth parted. "What?! You wench, excuse me but compare to you-"
"Compare to you, mas tao ako, Captain." I smiled coldly at her. "At least ako, kahit sabihin mong naalala lang ni Locket kay Veronica, nagustuhan pa rin?"
I was so full inside the I ended up bursting out.
"Eh, ikaw?" I said seriously. "Ilang taon na pala kayong magsama, wala pa rin?"
"H-how dare you..." her eyes widen. "L-Locket likes me! He likes me-"
"Then he should've married you," I said nonchalantly.
"H-he will!" she exclaimed. "Tita Eliza would marry us off-"
"Then, congrats on your wedding, then?" I raised my brow, "invite mo ako, ah?"
"Y-you..." she pointed me but I turned my back on her and with a heavy heart, I walked out of the restroom, dire-diretso ako palabas.
I was in the verge of crying, in breaking down but I couldn't let them see me like this. Dire-diretso ako papalabas ng presinto, kuyom pa ang kamay pero kaagad na natigilan nang may makasalubong.
"Oh, you're here?" I felt like panicking seeing Eugene's monstrous black eyes and grin.
Pumilantik ang puso ko sa kaba, I was shaking inside, nang umiwas ako ay mabilis niya akong hinarangan.
"Nand'yan ba sina Mama?" he asked kaya napaatras ako at nagtatakang tumingin sa kanya. "Oh, you didn't know? I mean my Mom, Charlotte, is she her?"
I was startled but I nodded.
"Inside," I said and took my phone despite my shaking hands, messaging one of the head guard's number.
"Hmm...I see." He smirked, "pauwi ka na?" but I didn't answer him, I was frantic and nervous, sinubukan kong maglakad palayo pero mas humarang siya sa akin.
"Hmm...bakit? Makaiwas ka, parang wala naman tayong pinagsamahan noon?" he smirked and I felt like I'm in hell, seeing him.
"I'm going home." Malamig na sabi ko, naglakad pero mabilis niya akong nahawakan sa braso kaya napasinghap ako. "Ano ba?!" I exclaimed.
"What?" he even laughed and pushed me more, halos mapatili ako nang haltakin niya ako. "Makaasta ka ngayon parang 'di tayo nagkakilala dati, ah? Don't tell me you forgot it?"
My heart thumped harder, para akong nanigas sa sinabi niya, lalo na nang kahit hilahin ko ang braso ay mas humigpit ang hawak niya.
"You're even prettier and sexier now," his creepy stares on my body made me trembled, mas tumagal ang tingin niya sa dibdib ko kaya mas hinatak ko ang kamay ko.
"Let me the fuck go!"
"Chill!" he laughed, "ako na maghatid sa 'yo, Crest or...we can go to a nearby hotel? Mukhang mas masarap ka na ngayon."
"Fuck you!" I screamed and slapped his face, nang pumaling ang ulo niya ay tuluyan ko nang nahila ang kamay ko. "Mamatay ka na! Gago!"
Unti-unting pumaling ang ulo niya pabalik para tignan ako, he has that mocking expression on his face as he licked his lower lip and cocked his head.
"What? Why? Apektado ka pa rin?" he smirked, "you were-" sabay kaming nagulat nang may tumulak palayo kay Eugene mula sa akin.
"Don't touch her!" I heard the loud and angry voice somewhere when Eugene fell on the ground, nagulat ako nang may humatak sa akin palapit at kumalabog ang puso ko nang matantong nasa likuran na ako ni Locket.
"Oh...you're here." Eugene smirked, umayos ng tayo at pinagpagan ang uniporme niya.
"What are you doing here?" malamig na tanong ni Locket, mas itinatago ako sa kanyang likod.
"My mother is here," he shrugged and even glanced at me behind Locket. "So...kayo pala?" he even laughed at mas bumilis ang paghinga ko, lalo nan ang maramdaman ang galit ni Locket.
"Interesting," he smirked and nodded, inayos niya ang buhok at sumulyap sa aming dalawa. "Talagang ipagpapalit mo ba ang kapatid ko sa babaeng 'yan?"
Ramdam na ramdam ko ang tensyon ni Locket doon at mas mukhang na-amused lang si Eugene at tinitigan ako at malamig lang ang tingin ko sa kanya.
"You settled for a girl like that, Locket? Really? Veronica is like an angel and yet you're having a thing with that woman? Madumi 'yan-"
Nakita ko ang paggalaw ni Locket para sumugod pero mabilis kong hinuli ang braso niya at hinila pabalik sa akin.
"H-h'wag mo na patulan." I muttered and pulled him from his attempt.
"Oh, you're punching me now, huh? Matapang ka na?" he even laughed and shook his head. "Don't worry, 'di ko kayo guguluhin ni Crest, Lieutenant but just a heads-up, you find something worth it, 'yong kagaya ng kapatid ko."
Eugene left us after smirking and I slowly lowered my hand from Locket's arm, mabilis niya akong nilingon at ang galit sa mata niyang nawala at napuno ng kung anong emosyon.
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What happened?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong pero tumango lang ako, mabigat pa rin ang pakiramdam at sumulyap sa mga guards ko palapit na.
"Crest..." he called and I moved away from him. "Uuwi na 'ko," I said but he moved again.
"Crest," he called, "are you okay? 'Y-yong kanina sa loob, wala lang 'yon, I will explain-"
"It's okay, Lieutenant." I said and I saw how he stopped from his tracks.
"Crest..." he sighed, "baby, let me just-"
"I don't care, Lt." I smiled coldly at him, "I'm just your secretary, right?"
"N-no..." he sighed frustratedly and brushed his hair. "I was just-"
"No need to explain." I smiled firmly. "Thanks for doing that to Eugene pero h'wag mong ipahamak ang sarili mo para sa 'kin-"
"Crest..." he sighed. "Listen-"
"Ma'am." The guard cut him off kaya napasulyap ako roon. "Ayos lang po ba kayo? Aalis na po agad?"
"Ah, oo, Kuya." I said and softly moved away from him.
"Crest..." he called, "let's just talk, please-"
"Excuse me." I said and fixed my hair. "Goodnight, Lieutenant. Pasabi na rin kina Earn. Pasensya na sa pagpunta ng walang pasabi."
I turned my back on him and I heard his harsh sigh, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagsunod niya pero hindi ko na nilingon, hanggang sa makaalis na kami sa lugar ay nanatili siyang nakatanaw sa amin sa malayo.
I closed my eyes tightly and felt the tears falling down my cheek as I cried on my way home, silently.
I was staring at nothing, nakaupo at nakalubog sa bathtub pagkatapos ng marahas at galit na pagligo kanina and right now, I felt so numb.
"Tanga..." I sighed loudly. "Tanga-tanga mo talaga, Crest Veronica."
I don't want to self-pity and do something wrong again to myself kaya kinuha ko na lang ang phone ko para sana manuod na lang ng mga nakakatawang videos pero may nareceive akong email mula kay Tita Nat kaya natigilan na ako.
Greetings!
Hi, my dear Crest! I know it's late but I want to tell this to you out of excitement. I don't know if you would read this tonight or tomorrow but I just want to deliver the good news to you, Crest! Your portfolio was approved by the boards! They loved your designs! A hundred percent, I can't believe it. I'm so happy for you! We all voted your designs to be featured in our latest collection. My request for you is also approved, we will name the collection under you and if it boomed, you can start a name for yourself!
OMG, sorry for being so excited but I'm just so proud haha! The boards are requesting to meet you soon. We are so glad and honored to have you, Crest. Your Mom and Dad will be so proud I am sure.
Congratulations again, my Crest! You did a job well done!
Regards,
Natalie Sena Paige-Samaniego
CAGE, Fashion Designer, CEO
"R-really?" my voice shook while staring at the email. "O-oh my God..." I began sobbing and read the email again.
"Y-your designs are approved, Crest." I tapped my shoulder while sobbing. "O-oh my God, I'm so proud of you, self." I muttered and cried like a baby.
I wanted to call anyone to tell them the good news but they were all unattended. Clyte's at work, Chiel and Adira too tapos sina Mom ay umalis para sa kaso at mukhang lowbatt kaya hindi ko matawagan.
"Mama Lena?" I called them and I was glad when she answered me kahit gabi na.
"Oh? Hello, my baby Crest! How are you, anak?" she asked.
"Sorry for calling po, Mama." I smiled. "Nand'yan po ba si Papa Jer? Can I video call po?"
"Oh, sure..." she chuckled. "Hoy, Ejercito, paano ba mag-video rito?"
I laughed when I heard Papa Jer's laugh on the other line.
"Matanda ka na, Hon. Buti pa ako alam ko, bata pa 'ko, eh." Ani Papa Jer at napasinghap si Papa nang batukan siya ni Mama na nahagip pa sa camera na saktong nag-open.
"Oh, ang maganda kong apo!" Papa called and I chuckled and waved my hand cutely.
"Hello, Papa. Sorry po for the istorbo, is it okay po if tumawag ako? Sorry po, sleep na po ba kayo ni Mama?" I asked when I noticed they're on the bed.
"Hindi naman, anak." Papa smiled, sumandal pa sa may headboard at ang maganda kong Mama Lena ay dumungaw pa at ngumiti.
"Ang ganda naman ng apo ko," Mama smiled.
"S'yempre, gwapo ang Lolo, hon." Papa smirked at her and Mama frowned and shook her head.
"Sus, puti na nga buhok feelingero pa rin." Mama muttered and pinched him kaya napasinghap si Papa at natawa na ako. I bit my lower lip and adorably watched my grandparents with their love so timeless, pure and unstoppable.
"Mana lang po ako sa inyong dalawa, s'yempre. Magandang beauty queen na Mama Lena at super gwapong lawyer kong Papa Jer!" I winked and they chuckled and smiled at me.
"What is it, Princess? Are you okay, ganda?" Papa asked and I smiled and sighed.
"Sorry po ulit for bothering you both but I just wanted to at least tell you this po." I smiled at them. "But...I got an email from Tita Nat, she said my designs are approved and I might become a fashion designer!"
They gasped in shock and my smile widened when Papa Jer cursed.
"Shit, apo ko 'yan!" he exclaimed proudly and I laughed no'ng tumilapon pa ang phone at napasinghap si Papa at kinuha iyon. "Sorry, anak, nagulat lang ang Lolo."
"Okay lang po." I giggled and saw their wide smiles.
"Wow, I'm so proud of you, princess!" Mama Lena smiled. "Sayang talaga, kapag sana nagpa-pageant pa rin ako, kung beauty queen pa sana, it was you I'll definitely choose to design clothes for me."
"What? You're always be the beauty queen of my heart, hon." Papa glanced at her softly and Mama stared at him too and I definitely saw sparks kaya napatili ako.
"Paksheyt, kilig!" I muttered and they froze and stared at me kaya natakpan ko ang bibig. "O-opps?" I said in a small voice at natawa sila sa akin.
"Anyway," Papa laughed. "I can't wait to see your designs coming to life, princess. You are so great and an amazing woman, you know that, right?"
"R-really po?" my heart jumped, lalo na nang tumango si Mama.
"Of course, you always are, princess." Mama smiled. "Simula pa noon hanggang ngayon, Crest. You are so great and amazing, a very talented Sandejas, indeed. Beauty, brain and talent."
Nangilid ang luha ko at nakagat ko ang labi sa tuwa.
"S-salamat po, Mama, Papa. Love na love ko po kayo from the bottom of my heart." I smiled and they smiled back at me.
"We love you too, Crest." Mama said softly. "Kayo ng kambal mo ang una naming naging apo kaya alam na alam namin ang kapasidad niyong dalawa ni Chiel, bata pa lang kayo'y magagaling na kayo. And you are so tough, Crest, and very very beautiful."
"Mana kay Mama Lena niyo," Papa even winked. "We're proud of you, Crest, anak. We love you from the bottom of our hearts too, deeply."
It made me smile, my heart felt lighter while hearing that.
"Our family, your Mama Lena and I, we'll be always with you, princess. From the bumps on the road to your own victory." Papa smiled.
And so, even if I was a bit lonely for not reaching my family, nakausap ko naman ang grandparents ko and I celebrated my small victory...alone. Just drinking a glass of champagne while staring at the city lights with Chichay eating beside me.
"You heard that, Chichay? Ping-ping?" I told her and my penguin plush toy. "Mommy Crest might become a designer!" I said proudly and Chichay barked loudly, gumaan ang pakiramdam ko nang takbuhin ako ni Chichay at nagpakarga.
"You proud of Mommy?" I muttered and she barked again, as if proud of me and it made me teared up, knowing that my grandparents and Chichay...is proud of me.
I laughed nonchalantly, hindi alam kung maiiyak o ano sa mga nangyayari.
I'm going insane, I guess...but nobody knows.
I played with Chichay that night to celebrate but a news broke me.
"P-princess..." Dad called and he's crying, "P-princess, w-wala na si Dad..."
"P-po?"
"H-he's gone..." He cried loudly, telling me that Papa Jer is dead.
Malaking dagok iyon sa pamilya namin, I broke down inside my unit and Chiel came and fetched me, he almost carried me because I was shaking so hard while hugging him.
"A-ate...A-ate, si Papa Jer..." Adira's shaking and sobbing, mabilis ko silang niyakap na dalawa at napahagulgol sa sakit ng nalaman.
"K-kausap ko lang siya k-kanina..." I sobbed loudly. "K-kausap ko lang si Papa..."
Everyone's sad and mourning for the lost of one of the greatest man in our family, our head, our loving Lolo and it hurt me seeing my family weeping, even Dad who is a strong man is silently crying on his room.
Nagpatong-patong ang sakit sa puso ko, Locket and the boys came too para makiramay. Locket's looking at me from time to time, he's there and watched me, he even attempted to comfort and talk to me but I just...couldn't.
My heart felt like bursting in pain any time from now...I felt like losing myself. I felt like just...giving-up.
"C-Crest...can we talk?" Locket asked one time when I showed up to work and he'll guard me again this time.
"Later na lang, Lieutenant." I flashed a weak smile. "Medyo busy kasi."
"But-"
"Please? I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone right now." I muttered and he stared at me, as if defeated and nodded, brushing his hair.
"I'm sorry...alright." He said and followed me. "I have to go to a quick meeting tonight after your work but I wanted to at least talk to you, it's been days..."
"Okay," I said, just wanting to dismiss him.
"You know the code of my unit, right?" he asked, "you can go there, I'll cook for you. May kinakain ka ba sa unit mo? Nangangayayat ka. I attempted to go and visit you, nilutuan kita kaso hindi ka raw nagpapapasok ng bisita kaya-"
"I'm going, Lieutenant." I said and stared at him who looked like he'll lose himself too, trying to talk to me. "Sa unit mo na lang. I have guards with me too, you don't have to guard me around. Alam kong busy ka."
"I'm not busy, dito lang ako babantayan ka-"
"Excuse me." I said and turned my back on him again, tahimik na pumasok sa loob ng opisina ko.
I'm just tired of everything. I didn't know why but when Papa Jer left us, I felt like coming with him too. Ni hindi ako makalapit kay Dad dahil malungkot din siya, ang buong pamilya ko. I felt like when I talk to them, madadagdagan sila ng bigat kaya ako ito ngayon, hindi na kaya ang bigat na nararamdaman at nawalan na ng lakas.
I went to Locket's unit to get this done at once. He was nowhere in sight when I got there so I checked my phone saw his message.
From: Lt. Dmitrov
Crest, sorry. Medyo na-extend ang meeting, I'll be there soon, I promise. Bili na lang akong pagkain. I'm sorry.
I walked towards his room and sat beside his bed, pakiramdam ko ay lumulutang na lang ako sa kung anong pakiramdam. It was a mixture of pain and sadness.
I lied down on his bed, trying to watch some funny videos but even if it's too epic, I can find any humor from it. Unfortunately, my phone died too kaya suminghap ako at umayos ng upo, binuksan ang drawer ni Locket para sana sa charger pero sa halip na charger ay iba ang nakita ko.
My forehead creased when I saw a familiar gold locket.
I remembered seeing it before but right now, curiosity got me. My heart is hammering while opening it and my mouth parted upon seeing a face of a beautiful woman there.
Mas lumalim ang gatla sa noo ko nang matantong hawig na hawig ng babae si Via, just that...this lady looked softer in features and when I stared at her eyes, I suddenly remembered mine.
Veronica...
My hands are shaking, I even saw something was engraved in the other side of the locket and read it.
Lorcan's Veronica.
Is it really why he...
Mas bumigat ang pakiramdam ko, with my shaking hand, I lowered my body to check the drawers and I saw old frames in there, with him and her, together.
It was Locket's graduation from PNPA and Veronica is beside him, both of them had that bright smile on their faces. Nakaakbay sa kanya si Locket at masaya ang tingin sa camera.
I saw her name from the album kaya dali-dali ko iyong sinearch sa social media. My heart thumped when I saw the RIP comments on her last post and it was her selfie, the night before her death but what got my attention is the familiar dress she's wearing.
I...know that dress. Or maybe I was just wrong?
I was just wrong. I am.
I gasped and checked the drawers again. I saw CDs too, with names of different places. I saw that one with the label of My Veronica's Palawan getaway.
I didn't want to sound and looked like an obsessed woman but I found myself checking the CDs, opening the player and the TV.
Sadista nga siguro pero hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili.
The first part of the video is the view from a beach, the waves are crashing and the white sand can be seen.
"Ver..." I heard Locket's familiar voice and my breath deepened. "Veronica ko."
"Oh? Bakit, Lorcan ko?" I heard a soft voice and the video shifted and I saw her in her long beach dress and hat, staring at the man taking the video.
"Ngiti naman diyan," I heard Locket's laugh when the woman smiled sweetly, her eyes twinkled.
"Beautiful," I heard Locket said and chuckled, inabot ng babae ang kamay ng nagbi-video. She ran a bit and the man laughed too, focusing the camera to their intertwined fingers.
"She's sweet, right? Kaya mahal na mahal ko 'yan, eh." I heard Locket's voice on the camera and the woman looked back.
"Bolero ka, Lorcan Keith." The lady said.
"Oh? Why not? I am telling the truth, Ver. My fiancée's really beautiful. I can't wait to get married to you." Locket said and my tears fell, napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at sinapo iyon dahil naninikip na.
"Uh-huh? Halata nga, Lorcan." The lady chuckled and glanced at him again. "Come on, stop recording me. Puro na lang videos ko ginagawa mo, record the view! Not me!"
"Nah, I love you more." He said and the lady frowned.
"Jerk, cheesy mo." Veronica chuckled and turned her back at him but Locket pulled her back.
"Come on, honey." Locket called. "Say you love me too."
"Ayaw." The lady smirked and Locket sighed again when the lady ran while laughing.
"Ver...Honey!" he exclaimed loudly. "I love you, Veronica! Come on, hon, can't I get an I love you too?!"
The video ended but I was just staring at the black screen, tears started falling down my cheek after that.
Veronica...Honey.
"Tang ina, ang bobo ko." I laughed nonchalantly and tapped my aching chest. "T-that's why he's calling me..."
I sobbed, I hugged my knees and found myself crying, my shoulder shaking with the unbearable aching of my chest.
"H-hindi ako...h-hindi ako ang nakikita niya..." I whispered and sobbed more.
"Crest?" I heard a voice but then it stopped. "Shit. What are you..."
"Crest," I moved when after the silence, I felt him beside me. "H-hey..."
"H-hey, baby." He called and removed the palm from my face, I looked away but he was too quick to caught my chin. "It's not what you're thinking..."
I saw the pain on his eyes while saying that and no matter how much I don't want him to see me like this, I couldn't hide it anymore. I stared at him with tears on my eyes as I utter the words.
"I-I'm not her, Locket." I said silently and I saw how tears fell on his eyes.
"I-I know," he sighed and touched my shoulder. "I-I know, Crest, don't think like that. I know you're not her."
I felt like suffocating when I saw the pain on his eyes...thinking that pain isn't for me but for someone else.
"U-uuwi na ako." I said and even with my shaking legs, I stood from the bed and took my bag, barging out of the room.
"Crest!" he called, panicking, "C-Crest please, let's talk!"
Hinawi ko ang luha, mabilis na naglakad paalis pero nahawakan niya ang pulsuhan ko. I was stunned at that, I stared at him and pulled my hand but his grip tightened.
"C-Crest..."
"Let me go." Malamig kong sabi at hinila ang kamay ko pero mas humigpit lang lalo ang hawak.
"N-no..." he shook his head. "D-don't leave me, don't. I-it's not what you're thinking." He said and softly pulled me closer to him.
I saw the tears on his cheek while he's trying to explain, "h-hindi 'yon gano'n, Pinga." He sighed and licked his lower lip in frustration because I wasn't speaking and just staring at him.
"H-hey, baby, listen, okay?" he touched my cheek frustratedly. "It's not-"
"I-is that why you kept on calling me Veronica?" I asked painfully and I saw how he froze. "I-is that why you called me Hon, hmm?"
"No..." he sighed, his eyes watered more as he shook his head. "H-hindi sa gano'n-"
"K-kaya ba ang b-bilis na nagbago 'yong tungo mo s-sa'kin no'ng s-sinabi kong ako si Veronica?" I asked and he looks so lost while shaking his head.
"H-hindi sa gano'n..." he sighed. "H-hindi...hindi na."
"But you did, right? You're thinking I was h-her?" my voice broke.
He shook his head and reached for me for a hug pero tinulak ko siya.
"Answer me, Locket!" I exclaimed. "Kaya ka ba lumapit ng gano'n? K-kasi naaalala mo siya?!"
"N-no, Crest. H-hindi naman sa g-gano'n..." he explained and touched my hand pero tinampal ko iyon.
"Answer me!" I exclaimed, crying. "S-sagutin moa ko para alam ko!"
"H-hindi, hindi na ngayon..." iling niya.
"P-pero noon..." I muttered. "You're thinking I was her before, right?" I asked and I felt weaker when I saw the guilt on his eyes.
"B-baby..."
"Answer me!" I exclaimed loudly and he stared at me, his gray eyes are wet with tears.
Painfully and slowly, he nodded.
"I-I'm sorry..." he whispered and I expected it but it still hurts, mas nahulog lang ang luha ko pero hinawi ko iyon at mabilis na tumalikod sa kanya para umalis.
"I love you!" He said out loud, stopping me.
My heart thumped painfully but I chose to walk away and before I could even go out, napasinghap ako sa gulat nang basta na lang niya akong hilahin pabalik at niyakap ang tiyan ko mula sa likod.
"W-what are you doing...l-let me go."
"M-mahal kita." He whispered painfully.
"B-bitaw-"
"M-mahal kita, p-parang-awa mo n-na..." I shook my head but he buried his face more on my shoulder and cried. "N-no, please...I love you."
"A-ako 'to...si Crest, Locket." I said, shaking and sobbing. "H-hindi ako siya-"
"I-I know..." he sobbed audibly. "I-I love you, C-Crest...ikaw m-mahal ko...ikaw."
But I couldn't believe it more, the pain I've been feeling right now is overwhelming I felt like losing my breath.
I removed his arms on my stomach, "n-no, Pinga, p-please...h'wag naman ganito..." but I was successful, sa panghihina niya ay nahulog ang braso niya kaya hinarap ko siya.
The pain on his gray eyes resembled mine and I lifted my shaking hand and cupped his left cheek and softly removed the tears on it.
"L-look at me. I'm Crest, L-Locket." I said and bit my lower lip. "I-I'll never be her, I-I'll never replace her in your heart."
"H-hindi..." he shook his head miserably. "I-ikaw m-mahal ko..."
"H-hindi ako..." I whispered. "I'm not your honey, Lorcan. I-I'll never be y-your Veronica..."
And when I saw another bunch of tears falling from his cheek, mas nanghina na ako at mabilis na tumalikod.
I got out of his unit, composed but crying. Dire-diretso ang lakad ko patungo sa elevator and I saw him followed me but before he even reached me, the elevator closed with our eyes staring at each other tragically.
I broke down when the elevator closed, natakpan ko ang bibig at napahagulgol ng iyak, sinasapo ang dibdib at naghahabol ng hininga.
It's hard loving someone who's still caged on his past.
My tears fell more upon realizing that he's still chained like a locket, just not to me...but in someone else's neck.
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