Kabanata 18
Hi, sorry for the late update! I am really busy, thank you so much sa concern. Busy lang talaga ako haha! Medyo mabagal po talaga UDs dito sa CL kasi may ginagawa po ako these days. Na-miss niyo ba sila?
If keri, please don't proceed sa pagbasa kaagad ng last part/ending nitong chapter. H'wag kayo agad magbasa sa ending.
TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains SENSITIVE topics that could trigger the readers. Please be warned and don't proceed if you can't take it. Let's protect our mental health. Please put a "TRIGGER WARNING" too if you will post some sensitive contents sa spoilers, tweets or post po. Thank you!
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Kabanata 18
"Ma'am, hindi pa po ba tayo uuwi? Gabi na po." I shifted my gaze and saw my bodyguard asking.
"Maya na po, Kuya..." I said softly and he nodded at me and smiled, tahimik na umalis at nagtago muli kung saan.
I stared at the dark night and unbelievably, there's no stars above. Just dull black...dark and lonely.
I bit my lower lip and heaved a deep breath.
H'wag kang iiyak, Crest...h'wag.
I wanted so bad to weep but I know I shouldn't. I did my best to control my emotions, afraid the bodyguards would see me like this tapos magsabi pa sa Dad. Ayaw ko namang mag-alala siya at madagdagan ang iniisip pa.
Sumulyap ako sa phone at nakita ang pagkalat ng public apology nina Sam at Jellie. I saw some people not tolerating what they did by commenting how they wronged me but some are even attacking me even if it was me who's hurt and humiliated.
I sighed, napahawak ako sa dibdib at ramdam ko ang sikip doon. Sa magkahalong sakit sa iba't-ibang bagay, tila sinusubok ang lakas ko hanggang sa walang matira, hindi nga lang isa-isa pero sabay-sabay.
I scrolled my phone and saw even my closest friends before mocked me like I was never their friend. I saw how they talk ill behind me instead of talking to me privately and asking for my side.
Lyka: Nakakahiya, dinamay pa sina Jellie? Wala na kasing friends kaya naghahanap ng sympathy.
Mitch: Playing the victim card. Wala naman talagang budget 'yang si ano kasi hinigpitan ni Attorney kaya idadamay na sina Jellie. Wala naman daw ginawa sina Jel, napilit lang mag-sorry kasi abogado 'yong Tatay.
Matthew: Gusto ko pa naman sana, disappointing. Maganda nga, masyado nga lang papansin sa atensyon. I feel bad for Jellie and Sam, they are good people. They don't deserve this public humiliation.
Are they not aware of what happened?
I saw my cousins defending me in their posts, sharing the apology video with captions and it warmed my heart, they did their best na h'wag na rin makipagsagutan sa mga makitid ang utak dahil request ko. Ayaw ko namang madamay sila sa gulo ko.
I closed my eyes and sighed.
People. In the end, they will always believe in their own version of truth. No matter how much you talk them out of it, if they refused to understand and deliberately closed their minds for the truth then...no. It was as if I can do anything to it for a lot of them believes in mere hearsays.
I exited my social media and stared at the empty sky again, ginalaw ko ang paa ko kaya umandar ang swing kung saan ako nakaupo. The cold air touched my skin and the image of his begging gray eyes flashed on my mind.
Mabilis kong hinawi ang luha ko nang maramdaman ang paghulog nito sa pisngi ko.
It's okay, self...you're a strong woman, Crest, right? You can...do it. It's just a heartbreak.
I sniffed, mabilis kong sinulyapan ang phone ko at mabilis na hinanap ang numero ng kakambal ko at nanginginig man ang kamay ay dinikit ko iyon sa tainga ko.
After a few rings, he answered my call.
"Kambal?" he asked. "I'm on my way home from work."
"Chiel..." I sighed. "P-pasundo naman ako."
He stopped, as if listening intently and hesitantly, he asked. "Are you crying?"
I bit my lower lip and shook my head, humawak ako sa swing at kinalma ang sarili habang dinarama ang malamig na hangin.
"N-no..." I said but then, my freaking voice betrayed me.
"Uh-huh, hindi? Kilala kita, Crest Veronica." He pointed out kaya napatawa na ako pero naluluha pa rin.
"H-hindi nga..." I chuckled and brushed my hair. "Sunduin mo na lang ako."
He sighed, "alright, where are you? Are you with the guards now?"
"Hmm..." I hummed and sighed.
"Okay, I will ask them where you are. Stay there, I'll come to you." He said, I turned the call off and was ready to take it back to my bag when I saw the screen lit, kasabay nito ay ang paglitaw ng pangalan ni Locket sa contacts ko.
I sighed, ni hindi ko na binasa ang message niya at in-off na lang ang phone.
Veronica...
Suddenly, the image of him going to the cemetery flashed my mind and I remembered myself being cheerful and happy seeing him there. Thinking it was destiny who let us meet each other but it's just a bittersweet memory now.
It wasn't destiny...it's just fate playing with us.
I harshly removed the tears from my eyes and sighed.
Why is this happening to me? Pagod na ako pero pinipilit ko namang lumaban pa rin. I was merely surviving yet I am doing my best to be alright. I just want to live and be happy...
Crazy things kept on going in and out of my mind these months ever since we have lost Papa Jer. Nagkapatong-patong na ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. I find it hard to breathe, I couldn't sleep at night and yes, some unbelievable thought is surrounding me these days.
I wanted to die. I wanted so bad to end the pain inside my chest. Monsters kept on plunging on my sleep, my dark past kept on hunting me and I am just so tired.
I wanted to end my life and be peaceful but...paano naman ang mga magulang ko? Paano ang pamilya ko?
In my life, it wasn't just me...kasama ko sila. I can bear being miserable but thinking about my family, and what it'll be like if they saw my cold body, hindi ko alam kung kakayanin kong maisip ang sakit na mararamdaman nila.
Kaya kahit nahihirapan na ako at pagod na pagod na, kailangan kong lumaban. Kahit hindi na para sa akin, kahit para na lang sa mga mahal ko sa buhay.
Wala pang kalahating oras ay nakita ko na ang kambal kong pumaparada sa gilid ng daan malapit sa palaruan kung nasaan ako. I saw how he went out of the car, kunot ang noo niya nang sinalubong ng guard ko at kinausap.
Tumayo ako sa swing at nang magtagpo ang mata naming dalawa ay ngumiti ako. I was waiting for him to smile back but he looks serious and worried, mabilis niya akong nilapitan at kaagad akong ngumisi.
"Sorry sa istorbo, kambal!" I exclaimed and smiled.
"Stop faking it, Crest." He said seriously kaya unti-unti akong natigilan at napanguso.
"Hindi naman, ah?" I asked and he sighed, nagulat ako nang ilahad niya ang braso sa akin.
"It's okay, you can hug me." I was dumbfounded when I heard it from him, hindi pa ako nakagalaw no'ng una kaya inabot na niya ako at niyakap.
I sighed heavily when I felt my twin's warmth, mabilis kong niyakap siyang pabalik, ipinikit ang mata at mas kinalma ang sarili.
"You can always tell me everything, hmm?" he whispered and hugged me tighter.
"W-wala naman akong problema, hmm?" I hummed and he caressed my hair and whispered.
"I know you are strong, kambal, but I know you and I know something is not right with you. Let me remind you na kambal ang dumi natin sa pusod?" he teased. It made me chuckle, pinalo ko ang likod niya kaya natatawang lumayo siya sa akin at inakbayan ako.
"Tara, sa bahay na lang tayo mag-usap? Mom, Dad and Adira misses you so much. Timplahan kitang milk with marshmallow, usap tayo. Nakakahiya naman kung mag-iiyakan tayo sa harap ng guards dito, tough guy kaya ko." Nilagay pa niya ang kamao sa dibdib kaya napatawa ako at napailing.
"Oo na, sige na, Attorney." I smirked, placing my hand on his waist. "Uwi na tayo."
"That's my kambal." He offered me his other hand kaya nag-high five kami at sabay na naglakad papunta sa kotse.
We were not talking the whole ride but the rock music from the radio is on our background, natatawang sinasabayan namin ang kanta at nakabukas ang bintana ng kotse dahil alam niyang gusto kong palaging may sariwang hangin na nalalanghap and kahit na maliit na bagay lang, masaya na akong nakikitang narito ang kakambal ko.
When we got home, it was quiet. Malamang ay tulog na ang pamilya ko kaya dumiretso na ako sa kwarto para maligo at magpahinga.
Nang maupo naman ako sa kama ay napatitig ako sa pader at unti-unting nanghina.
I love you...
I smiled bitterly, slowly hugging my knees and felt the new bunch of tears falling down my cheek.
He loves me...what a joke.
I didn't know I love you would hurt this much.
I love you is supposed to be a happy word, it's just that...I never knew those words would hurt me this time. I never know those eight letters would hurt me upon hearing, knowing that it wasn't me he's seeing after all.
Na sa kabila ng lahat, sa pagkakakilala niya sa akin at ilang buwang pagkikita at magkasama, he didn't see me as Crest. He had seen me as his beloved's shadow.
Crest Veronica, no matter how much I did my best to let people see the real me, I always ended up behind. Nakatago sa anino ng ibang tao.
I wonder if people would ever see me as me? Na ako lang si Crest, hindi magaling sa kahit ano, hindi matalino pero nagsisikap para matanggap niyo? Nagsisikap para maging better na tao?
Hinawi ko ang luha ko at suminghap nang marinig ang pagpihit ng pintuan. I shifted my gaze and met my twin's blue eyes.
"Hey, milk?" he smiled, he's wearing now his shirt and black pajamas.
"Salamat, Chiel." I smiled when he walked beside me, nang maabot ko ang gatas na may marshmallows ay tumalon siya paupo sa tabi ko kaya natawa ako.
"Inom ka, sinarapan ko ng timpla 'yan para 'di ka na mag cri-cri." He smiled and my heart pounded in happiness hearing him. "Inom ka muna, dito lang ako sa tabi mo, kambal."
I was teary-eyed again but I remained calm, inangat ko ang hawak kong baso at sumimsim sa mainit na gatas. Naramdaman ko ang pagpatong ni Chiel ng braso niya sa may headboard ng princess bed ko at ngumiti ako at unti-unting sumandal doon.
"Kambal?" I called after a while and he glanced at me and played with my hair.
"Hmm?" he asked and smiled. "It's okay, don't hesitate. I will listen to you, always. Even if the world turned its back on you, nandito lang ako. Kambal ang puso natin, Crest Veronica."
"Grabeng cheesy naman 'yan, Alchiel Verón." Siniko ang tiyan niya kaya natawa siya at ginulo ang buhok ko.
"I can be cheesy with you and all because you're my twin and I am comfortable with you. Fetus pa lang tayo, nagsisipaan na tayo noon sa tiyan ni Mom so why not? I got you, Crest. You are always there when I am weak, no'ng akala kong babagsak ako noon sa bar, nandiyan ka para palakasin loob ko. Noong unang kaso ko sa korte, may pa-banner ka. You are always there on my weakest times so I wanted to be there for you too. You can share your pain like how we shared Mom's womb before."
Napainom ako ng gatas sa sinabi niya at suminghot, natawa naman siya at ginulo ang buhok ko.
"So tell me, Crest. You got me." He smiled sincerely and I sighed and began speaking.
"Si...Locket." I muttered and I saw how he froze on the spot, tumalim ang mata.
"What? Did the asshole hurt you?" malamig niyang sabi.
"A-are you..." I sighed. "A-are you aware he has an ex-fiancée before?"
Mas kumunot ang noo niya sa akin at napaisip, "I know he has an ex-girlfriend but...when I talked to him about his intention to you, he said he likes you deeply and he's sincere for his feelings. Sinabi niya sa amin ni Dad 'yan ng harap-harapan."
I was shock but I know it wasn't true kaya mas nalugmok lang ako.
"H-he's lying..." I said at mas lumalim ang gatla sa noo niya.
"What?" he asked me, confused. A can see a hint of anger on his eyes kaya umiwas ako, suminghap at umiling.
"W-wala, nevermind—"
"What the hell happened? Tang ina niya! Sinaktan ka ba niya, Crest?!" his voice raised and I sniffed and heaved a deep sigh.
Muling nahulog ang luha ko kaya marahas ko 'yong hinawi, takot na makitang muli ng kambal ko ang panghihina pero mabilis niyang nahuli ang mata ko.
"Crest..." he called. "Hey, it's okay. I will listen, okay?" aniya, kinukumbinse akong sabihin ang itinatago and when I saw how sincere his eyes looks, I gathered enough strength and told him.
"H-he approached me b-because I reminded him of his ex, k-kambal." I said with a broken voice. "H-he called me V-Veronica before and Honey because he reminded me of her. H-hindi ako nakikita niya, Chiel. H-hindi ako..."
My hand shook, I saw how Chiel immediately took the glass from my hand and pulled me for a hug, mas napahagulgol ako nang maramdaman ko ang init niya.
"H-hindi ako ang n-nakikita niya, Chiel. M-mahal na mahal ko si L-Locket p-pero paano naman 'yon, h-hindi ako...m-masakit ang heart ko, k-kambal." I whine like a kid.
Mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin at kumuyom ang kamay ko habang hawak ang shirt niya ng mahigpit.
"M-masakit, Chiel. 'D-di ko kaya, p-parang dinudurog 'y-yong puso ko." Sumbong ko at saglit kaming tumahimik habang sumisinghot ako nang marinig ko ang hikbi ng kambal ko.
I froze on the spot when I heard his sniff.
"K-kambal—" I tried pushing him to see his face pero mas hinigit niya ako.
"H-h'wag, u-umiiyak ako. K-kakahiya." He muttered and even if crying, biglang natawa ako at hinaplos ang likod niya.
"I-it's okay, pahiyain natin sarili natin sa isa't-isa." I muttered and we both chuckle a bit, naitulak ko na siya. Nang magkatingin kami at nakitang namumula ang mata namin ay sabay na natawa.
"Pangit mo." We both said in unison bago tinulak ang noo ng isa't-isa kaya natawa na naman at nagkatitigan saglit at napasinghot.
Nakita ko ang paglandas ng luha sa kanyang pisngi habang nakatingin sa akin at sa gulat ko ay humikbi na siya ng tuluyan at gumalaw ang balikat kaya napanganga ako.
"T-tang ina niyan, ah? A-anong karapatan niyang paiyakin si Crest Veronica ko, huh?!" he exclaimed and my heart pounded when he pulled me again for a hug. "A-anong karapatan niyang saktan ang kambal ko?! I-iniingatan ko 'yan t-tapos..."
"Chiel..." I bit my lower lip when he sobbed while he's on my shoulder.
"W-wala siyang karapatan s-saktan ang kambal ko..." he sounded whining and I have never seen him this vulnerable kaya mas nanghina ako. "M-mahal na mahal ko 'y-yan tapos sasaktan niyo."
My tears fell more.
"C-Chiel, I love you, kambal." I whispered and he nodded and sobbed more.
"I-I love you too, kambal. S-sorry, s-sorry kung w-wala ako kapag kailangan mo ako. S-sana mapatawad mo ako, kambal."
"You don't have to say sorry..." I sniffed and touched his nape and kissed his head. "S-salamat sa pakikinig, C-Chiel..."
He nodded and sighed, "s-sorry for being emotional, Crest. S-sorry..."
"It's okay..." I smiled and hummed. "It's okay."
Saglit kaming natahimik na nadalawa, nang maghiwalay ay kitang-kita ko ang pula ng ilong at tainga ni Chiel kaya natawa ako. Napasimangot naman siya at tinakpan ang mukha ng braso kaya naiiling na kinuha ko ang tissue sa side table bago hilahin paalis ang braso para ibigay sa kanya ang tissue.
His forehead creased, akmang iiwas pa pero nadikit ko na sa ilong niya ang tissue.
"Crest—"
"Singa, Alchiel." I said and he moved his head. "Isa, singa sabi."
He glared at me pero ngumuso lang ako kaya lumapit siya. Napatawa na ako nang suminga siya sa tissue na inilapit ko sa kanya at habang ginagawa iyon ay masama ang tingin sa akin.
Even if my eyes are swollen from unshed tears, I smirked. Inagaw niya ang nasingahan na tissue pagkatapos at itinapon sa basurahan sa gilid at kinuha ang tissue, napatili ako nang ilapit niya rin sa akin ang panibago at bumusangot.
"Ikaw din, singa." He commanded kaya natatawang ginawa ko ang utos niya at nagkunwaring may sipon pang natira.
"Ay, may natira pa, Chiel." I said before wiping the side of my nose at pinahid iyon sa shirt niya.
"Nak ng..." pinalo niya ang kamay ko kaya napahagalpak ako ng tawa.
We heard a knock, sabay kaming napalingon sa pintuan at nakita si Adira na nakasilip sa amin.
"Ate, Kuya..." she called and took a peek. "Hello po, I miss you two. P'wede sumali?"
Chiel and I ended up laughing, mabilis na tumayo si Chiel para lapitan si Adira sa pintuan. He softly pulled her in, kaagad na inakbayan nang makapasok at sabay silang naglakad palapit sa akin sa kama.
"Ate, I miss you..." Adira smiled softly when she went next to me, kaagad ko naman siyang nginitian at hinagkan sa pisngi.
"I miss you too, Adira-babe." I smiled at her, kaagad niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko bago nagtatakang napatitig sa mata ko at pabalik kay Chiel.
"Did you two cried—"
"No." We said in unison, mabilis na nag-iwas ng tingin but our younger sister is persistent. She shifted my face, pumikit man ako ay nahuli na niya bago bumaling kay Chiel na umiwas din ng tingin.
"Ah-huh! Nag-cry kayong dalawa riyan, huh?" her brow raised. "Sorry, Ate, Kuya but you can't fool Atty. Adira." She smirked kaya napanguso kami ni Chiel.
"So...anong ganap?" she asked. "Share niyo naman para cry din ako." She said and I don't know why but I ended up opening to her again about me and Locket na sa dulo ay nag-iiyakan na naman kaming tatlo.
"I-I don't curse, Ate, pero fuck you siya!" Adira sniffed loudly, tinanggal ang suot na glasses na napupuno na rin ng luha.
"I-I like him for you because he's good and handsome p-pero ngayon? Gusto kong lagyan ng kadena leeg niya tapos hilahin!" She exclaimed in conviction, namumula na sa galit niyang sobra kaya natatawa kami kahit na umiiyak.
Oh, our softy Adira is an angry Adira now.
"A-ang sakit sa puso, my God! Parang ako 'yong na-broken!" She exclaimed and touched her chest. "B-basta ba, A-ate, dito lang ako, ah? K-kami ni Kuya palaging nasa tabi mo. If ever you are f-feeling down, we will lift you up. I-if you're brokenhearted, we'll help each other fix it up."
My eyes are swollen while hearing her say that.
"T-thank you, Adira." I muttered.
"I may be younger but always remember po na I am willing to protect you two." She sighed and offered her arms. "Hug nga ako, Ate at Kuya ko!" she exclaimed before hugging our napes kaya mas napangiti ako at isinubsob ang mukha ko sa leeg ng kapatid ko.
Because the three of us are crazy and I am so overwhelmed of my siblings, kahit alas-dos na ng madaling-araw ay dinayo naming tatlo ang kwarto nina Mom and Dad. Nakaakbay sa aming dalawang magkapatid si Chiel na nasa gitna. It was Adira who knocked on the door at si Mom ay pupungas-pungas pang sumilip, inaayos ang robe.
"O-oh, kids?" her eyes widen when she saw the three of us. "Crest, anak, umuwi ka?" mukhang nagising siya nang makita ako kaya ngumiti ako at tumango.
"Wala po, My. Miss na miss ko lang po kayo." I said and she nodded, still confused, sinuklay niya ang buhok ng daliri at mayamaya'y nakarinig ako ng boses pa.
"Baby, what's the matter?" I heard Dad, mabilis na yumakap sa likod ni Mom at dinungaw kami at nakita kong natigilan siya nang makita kaming tatlo. "Kids? What? May problema ba? Are you three hurt?!" bigla siyang nagising doon at umayos ng tayo kaya natawa kaming tatlo at sabay-sabay na nailing.
"No po, Dad. We just missed the two of you." I said and Dad blinked, nagpalik-balik siya ng tingin sa akin at sa mga kapatid ko, napatitig pa sa mga mukha namin bago marahang tumango.
"O...kay?" he asked, confused but he smiled. "I missed my kids too, do you want us to sleep together here in our room?"
"P'wede po, Dad?" Adira asked with her wide eyes and Daddy smiled and nodded, he opened the door widely for the three of us and my heart hammered happily.
"Tara, ayusin natin, lagay tayo ng foam sa lapag so we could all sleep together like before." Mom smiled and my heart pounded in happiness when Mom let us in their room.
My Dad is staring at me when I caught his eyes and my heart melted when he smiled.
"Princess, I'm glad you're here. Hindi ka nagsabing dito ka matutulog ngayon? We could have waited for you and then—" Dad stopped when I ran to him for a hug.
"Woah...my princess is so sweet today, hmm?" he hummed and I smiled, I buried my face on his chest and Dad then hugged me tightly and kissed my hair. "I love you, anak ko. Always remember na mahal na mahal ka namin, hmm?"
I hummed and nodded, mas niyakap pa siya ng mahigpit.
"I love you too, Dad." I whispered and felt his warm embrace.
Hindi ako mahiwalay kay Dad, kinuha lang ako ni Mommy para makatulong ang Daddy kay Chiel sa pag-aayos ng mga kama at nanatili kaming nakaupo sa sofa. Mom was resting her back on it while I was hugging her waist.
She was touching my hair, si Adira ay nag-decide na tumulong sa pagko-cover at hinayaan lang nila akong nakatabi kay Mommy.
"Mommy, help po ako." I whispered and Mom glanced at me, a soft smile left her lips as she shook her head and kissed my hair.
"You cried," aniya kaya natigilan ako at gulat na napatitig sa kanya.
"Mom—"
"It's okay, the three of you did and I know na ikaw ang nauna." Aniya kaya umawang ang labi ko. "How did I know? Your eyes are more swollen than your siblings but it's okay."
Napasulyap ako kay Dad na katulong ni Chiel sa pagpasok ng kama at bumaling pabalik kay Mom.
"Can you please not tell Dad?" I asked worriedly but Mom chuckled and pinched my nose.
"Silly, baka nakakalimutan mong abogado ang Dad mo?" she smiled. "He noticed it right away, I'm sure."
"I-I'm shy...mukha ba talagang namamaga mata ko, My?" napanguso ako kaya hinaplos ni Mom ang buhok ko.
"It's okay, anak. Your Dad will understand." Bulong niya kaya napatango ako, medyo nahihiya pang nakita nila akong ganito ngayon.
Magkasingtangkad ang Dad at si Chiel, they even looked like siblings. S'yempre, si Dad ang Kuya at bunso si Chiel. Parehas na asul ang mga mata, istrikto pa pero malambing sa amin.
Adira Venice is the mixture of my Mom and Dad, kaso nga lang, hindi ang pagkaistrikto at suplada ang nakuha. She looks soft, feminine and genuine, maybe she got Mom and Dad's mabait na genes kaya ang lambing ng kanyang itsura.
While me? I looked a lot like my mother. Mukhang maldita at palaban, sabi nila. A lot of people keeps on telling me na mukha raw akong snob at suplada pero kapag nakakausap na ay mabait naman pala.
"Done!" Adira cheered when she's done fixing the bed and the pillows.
Mom held my hand and assisted me to sit on our bed na nasa lapag. Si Chiel ay tabi si Dad, after Dad is Mom tapos ako at si Adira.
"So..." Dad trailed off while we're all seated on the bed and listening to each other's steady breaths. "Madaling-araw na pala, hmm? What kept my kids awake at this time of the night?"
Natahimik kaming tatlo, I saw Adira pouted and hid her swollen eyes at si Chiel ay sinulyapan ako, napaiwas naman ako para tignan si Dad pero nakatingin pala siya sa akin kaya nahihiyang nagbaba ako ng tingin.
"The three of you cried?" he asked at sabay-sabay kaming napabuntonghininga. "Hmm, I see. It's okay, kids. It's okay to cry, you know you can always count on us. If you have problems, dito lang naman kami ng Mommy niyo. Right, Thallia?"
"Oo naman," Mom caught my eyes and smiled. "Ano pang nandito kami ng Dad niyo kung hindi namin kayo magagabayan, 'di ba?"
"Crest, it was you who first cried, right?" Dad asked kaya nanlaki ang mata ko at gulat na napatingin sa kanya but he smiled at me gently and nodded. "I know and it's okay, princess. Dad will understand, I assume...it was you who first cried and then Alchiel...tapos ang Adira natin?"
"W-what? I didn't cry!" Chiel even defended himself.
"Don't fool me, you probably cried after seeing your twin cried." Dad pointed out kaya natahimik si Chiel at napaubo.
Nagkatawanan kami, it was Mom who decided to break the silence.
"Yeah, our Alchiel here probably felt soft when Crest cried. Kahit naman bata pa 'yan, ganyan na." Ani Mom kaya mas natawa kami dahil namumula na si Chiel.
"I'm not—"
"Kuya Chiel, liar. Pagdating ko kaya sa kwarto nag-iiyakan na sila ni Ate!" ani Adira kaya mas bumusangot na si Chiel.
"I said no—"
"Come on, son. It's okay to get weak around us, it's okay to be vulnerable." Dad said kaya natahimik kami.
"Your father is right, mga anak." Ani Mom kaya napasulyap kami sa kanya at nakitang inaabot niya ang kamay ni Dad at pinisil. "It's okay to look tough outside but inside, when you're with us, it's okay to be fragile and soft. Your father and I love the three of you deeply, alam niyo namang hindi kami mabubuo ng Dad niyo kung wala kayo, right?"
We all nodded our heads and Mom smiled.
"Kaya it's okay, being fragile with us won't make you look weak. Kami lang 'to ng Dad niyo and it's okay to open up to us. Your father and I will listen, right, baby?" she squeezed Dad's hand and Dad nodded.
"Yes, we're always here, kami ng Mommy niyo to listen. Feel free to open up on us, hmm?" Dad muttered kaya sabay-sabay kaming napatango.
"H-honestly po..." I started kaya sabay-sabay silang napabaling sa akin. "I-I'm just...I..." sumulyap ako kay Adira at Chiel at nakita kong inaantay nila akong magsalita.
"I-I got an email po from Tita Nat," I chickened out last minute and said that instead kaya natigilan sina Mommy.
I saw Chiel lowered his head, si Adira ay napanguso at si Dad ay nanatiling nakatitig sa akin at inoobserbahan ako kaya sa halip na tumingin ay bumaling ako kay Mommy.
"I've received it po matagal na pero 'di ko pa po natatanggap at nasasabi sa inyo pero...that's the reason w-why I cried? Tapos naiyak din po 'yong dalawa..." I said.
"Hmm, what is it?" Mom asked me kaya ngumiti ako para ipakitang ayos lang ako at nagsalita.
"My designs po para sa new launch ng collection ni Tita Nat got approved." I said and I saw how their eyes widened.
"O-oh my...really?!" Mom exclaimed in excitement and I smiled and nodded, smiling at her and Dad.
"Opo..." I said and my heart thumped when Dad's eyes twinkled in visible happiness. "And she said na she will name it after me tapos if it boomed, I can start a business in the clothing line."
Sabay-sabay na naglingunan sa akin si Adira at Chiel, gulat na gulat. Si Dad ay napaawang ang labi at napatitig sa akin, kumikislap ang mata at tumalon ang puso ko.
He looks happy!
"I-I know it's a small thing but I hope it will make everyone happy—"
"What? It's a big thing, Ate!" Adira said kaya natigilan na ako.
"Wow! You didn't tell me!" Chiel said in shock at si Adira ay dali-daling kumapit sa akin.
"O-oh my God! I'm so proud of you!" Mom exclaimed in happiness and I was startled but my smile slowly escaped my lips, nang yakapin ako ni Mommy ay muling nangilid ang luha ko, Chiel immediately walked closer at si Adira ay yumakap na sa likod ko.
"Ang galing mo, Ate!" Adira exclaimed at si Chiel ay mabilis na lumapit at yumakap.
"Shit, kambal, I knew you can do it!" he exclaimed and feeling my family's warmth made my heart thumped. My Mom and siblings are busy hugging and telling me they're proud of me at kagat-kagat ko lang ang labi habang dinarama iyon pero sabay-sabay kaming natigilan nang makarinig ng hikbi.
We all stopped and caught my Dad sniffing. Sabay-sabay na nanlaki ang mata namin nang hinawi niya ang luha.
"Iñigo?" Mom called.
"D-dad?" I called and Dad sniffed, nang makasalubong namin ang mata niya ay napasinghap kami nang makitang namumula na iyon sa iyak.
"W-why are you crying..." Mom asked but Dad just knelt on the bed and came closer to us.
"I-I'm just happy..." he sniffed and stared at me. "I-I'm proud of my princess."
That's when my tears began falling, my lips quivered when he stared at me softly and spoke.
"I-I'm proud of you, Crest. I'm a-always proud of you, anak." He said and my tears automatically fell upon hearing that.
My Dad...my father is proud of me. He's proud of me!
"D-dad..." my voice broke and when they let me go, nanghihina man ay dali-dali akong lumapit kay Dad at yumakap. I heard his cries when I got to him, mas humigpit iyon at nakagat ko ang labi ko.
"I-I'm proud of you, Crest. Dad is so proud of you." He whispered and like a kid, I weep while hugging him.
"T-thank you, Dad." I sniffed. "S-sorry po k-kung nahuli po ako. S-sorry po kasi p-pasaway po ako at p-puro luho po. N-na hindi po ako magaling sa kahit ano, s-sorry po k-kasi po...kasi po ito lang po ako."
I heard his sobs, nanginginig ang katawan niya habang yakap ako at ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagmamahal sa yakap niya.
"D-don't say that, Crest." He said and softly pushed me, our eyes met and his blue eyes are bloodshot and swelling. "H-hindi totoong hindi ka magaling sa kahit ano, okay?" he tried telling me even if his voice is trembling.
Dinig ko ang iyak ni Adira at ni Mom pero ang atensyon ko ay na kay Dad lang na hawak-hawak na ang palad ko.
"Y-you are a great woman, Crest Veronica. Y-you're talented, hmm? M-magaling ka, anak ko. You are smart, you are talented, you are you." He said and my heart broke upon seeing the tears falling down his cheeks. "P-proud na proud kami sa'yo, p-proud na proud si Daddy sa'yo, o-okay?"
"T-talaga po? P-proud po kayo sa'kin?" mas nanginig ako ng tumango si Dad ng paulit-ulit at pinisil ang kamay ko.
"S-sorry kasi 'di ko naipakita k-kung gaano ako p-proud sa'yo, s-sorry if I pressured you, anak ko. S-sorry, princess. S-sorry, Crest. M-mahal na mahal ka ng Daddy. P-proud na proud ako sa'yo, anak." He said genuinely and the sounds of our sobs filled the room as Mom, Chiel and Adira joined us for a group hug.
It was a mix of pain and genuine happiness that night, anong oras na sila nakatulog dahil sa iyakan session namin but I remained wide awake, watching my family sleeping. Because we couldn't sleep at first, nag-aya si Mommy na uminom ng kaunting alak pero ang kaunti ay sobra na sa dalawang lalaki rito.
Mom is hugging the sleeping Adira na hindi sanay sa alak at tulog at namumula, umiiyak noong nalasing kasi 'di raw siya crush ng crush niya kaya pinatahan ni Mommy. I smiled when I noticed how my younger sister looked like an adorable baby on Mom's arms.
Sa tabi ni Mom ay si Dad at napailing ako nang makitang nakadantay ang isang paa ni Chiel sa hita ni Dad at si Daddy nama'y nakaangat ang kamay at ang braso ay nasa mukha ni Chiel, halos masakal na ang kambal ko, parehas pang bahagyang nakanganga at malalim ang hinga kaya natawa ako.
The things I'd do to have this wonderful family.
Mahal na mahal ko sila, Lord. Mahal na mahal.
My heart felt peaceful while seeing them this way I could actually think of sleeping peacefully but alam kong hanggang utak ko lang iyon because when I tried sleeping, I couldn't.
My mind kept on coming back to Locket and everything I've learn this day.
I stared at my fingers and sighed, I really thought it was hard competing with the living but I was wrong kasi mas masakit at mahirap pa lang makipagkompitensya sa patay na.
Because no matter what I do, ako man ang nandito...he keeps on coming back to her even if she's already gone and it's breaking me.
It breaks me thinking how happy I am making him smile before tapos sa huli'y hindi pala dahil sa akin kaya siya ngumingiti. He's smiling because I reminded him of her...his beloved. His true love.
Noong mga panahong minamahal ko siya, is he falling for me too? Probably not.
He's still chained to his past and unknowingly...he chained me to him too and it's hurting and breaking us.
I bit my lower lip and found myself sobbing quietly, silently thanking the liquor for taking over my family's consciousness and now...they can't see me crying.
I stayed at home the whole week, umalis ang mga magulang ko para sa kaso kaya naiwan ako rito. The boys are reaching out on me on social media, asking me if they could talk to me pero hindi ko mapagbigyan.
I chatted them as if nothing happened, saying I am busy and I will visit them soon which is nothing but lies. I asked my siblings to not tell my parents about me and Locket and ayaw man ni Chiel noong una ay napilit ko siya kaya wala na ring nagawa.
Locket is reaching out on me too, I even saw him staying on our gate and waiting pero hindi ako lumalabas. I informed the guards to tell him na umalis ako at sumama kina Mommy kaya kapag tapos ng lunch ay makikita ko siyang tatayo at dudungaw sa bintana ko para tignan kong may anino ko man lang kaya nagtatago ako.
And it wasn't easy...kasi mahal na mahal ko 'yong tao pero kasi nasasaktan ako.
In the end, it was me, no matter how strong I wanted to be who's crying on my room with my knees on my chest.
"Ihahatid na kita, kambal." Ani Chiel sa akin nang makita akong nakatulala pagkarating namin sa opisina ni Mommy.
"H-huh?" I glanced at him and saw him staring at me.
"Are you okay?" he asked and sighing, I nodded. "I don't believe you, it's been a week but you're still..."
"Paano kung nandito siya, kambal?" I asked in a small voice and glanced at the window again. "Alam mo namang nasa gate 'yon sa mansyon kapag wala siyang trabaho, 'di ba? I was informed he's checking my condo too. Pinasabi ko lang sa reception h'wag magpapasok ng bisita at magpaakyat sa unit ko."
He sighed, "what about a restraining order, Crest?" aniya kaya natigilan ako at gulat na napatitig sa kanya.
"What?"
"If he will still bug you, I suggest you do that. Pinagbigyan na kitang hindi sasabihin kina Dad but if he keeps on coming and wanting to see you, I can file one for you, para hindi makalapit ang gagong 'yan—"
"Don't." I said and his forehead creased.
"Why not?" he asked, "I trusted that man to treat you right, Crest! Yet you're hurting because of him! I didn't want seeing him around—"
"He's a police officer, Chiel." I explained, sighing. "Hindi magandang tignan sa record niya na may gano'n—"
"But he's harassing you—"
"Hindi," I sighed and closed my eyes, calming myself. "He never once forced me to talk and all, he never once went passed our securities and entered the mansion without permission. He's waiting peacefully, Chiel."
"Pero kahit na, Crest." Aniya. "I won't let what he did to you slipped like that, okay? I will file a case if hindi siya lalayo sa'yo."
"Gusto ko lang umiwas," I said. "Yes, he hurt me pero ayaw kong madumihan ang pangalan niya. It hurts, yes, pero we should just stay away from each other peacefully, Chiel. Ayaw ko ng gulo. May mali rin ako kasi nakipaglapit ako."
"He got closer to you because you reminded him of his ex," he pointed out at humapdi ang puso ko habang pinapakinggan 'yon. "And stop protecting him, Crest."
"I am not protecting him. Sinaktan niya ako pero mabuting tao si Locket, Alchiel. He didn't deserve that restraining order you're saying. We just need to get away from each other quietly, dapat malayo lang siya sa akin para umayos ako. I was hurt emotionally kasi mahal ko 'yong tao pero 'yon lang. H'wag na tayo umabot sa ganyan, they became my good friends, Chiel. Noong iniwan ako no'ng mga kaibigan ko...nandiyan sila." My voice almost broke.
Alchiel stared at me intently and when he saw my eyes, he sighed.
"Alright..." aniya. "Bakit kasi ang bait mo? Maldita 'yang mukha mo pero ang lambot ng puso mo, kambal."
I smiled, nang kurutin ni Chiel ang pisngi ko ay pinalo ko ang kamay niya at natawa.
"Because I wanted to treat people right, Chiel." I smiled. "You give kindness--kindness, you give the cruelty kindness too. The world is rude and cruel, dadagdag pa ba ako sa mga masasamang tao? Locket and the boys became my friends, the least thing I could do is leave them peacefully kasi masakit man, I treasured the friendship."
"You're right," Chiel shook his head. "Sige, I respect your decision. I'd do my best para hindi makalapit sa'yo si Dmitrov but remember this, okay? Kapag nagkamali iyon at nasaktan ka, I will do my fucking best to get him on jail, okay?"
I smiled and slowly nodded, moving closer to hug him.
"Okay, thank you, kambal." I said softly.
We stayed inside our car for a while to calm ourselves down, I made sure I looked okay when I asked Chiel na papasok na kami kaya mabilis siyang lumabas sa sasakyan. I saw him ordered the guards waiting for us outside while we talk bago niya buksan ang pintuan sa side ko at abutin ako.
He took my hand and assisted me para maglakad sa parking lot at makapasok, pagkalabas ko naman ay taas noo kong sinuot ang shades ko at kumapit sa kambal ko habang naglalakad papasok. I was really confident and relieved going inside the company peacefully but I was startled when I saw Locket appearing from somewhere.
He's wearing a simple shirt and jeans, mukhang walang pasok ngayon. I immediately noticed his disheveled hair and his worn out look.
"Crest..." he called when he got in front of me. My heart pounded, my eyes widened in shock but my sunglasses saved me.
"Crest—"
"What are you doing here?" matigas na tanong ni Chiel at nakita ko ang pagtulak niya kay Locket palayo sa akin bago ako itago sa kanyang likod.
"Attorney," I saw Locket stood straight again after being pushed. "I just wanted to talk to Crest—"
"For what? Huh? Para saktan na naman ang kambal ko?!" he exclaimed at mabilis na napasulyap sa akin si Locket. I saw on his face how restless he is, akmang lalapit na naman siya ay mabilis siyang tinulak ni Chiel kaya halos mabuwal na siya.
"Alchiel! Stop it!" I exclaimed and pulled his tensed, clenching fist.
"I won't! This asshole—"
"No! No, it's not like that!" ani Locket na akmang lalapit pero naharangan na ng guards para hindi ako malapitan. My heart ache upon seeing him get dragged by the guards on his arm, na kahit anong lakas niya ay may dalawang humihila sa kanya pabalik.
"Let me go!" mariing sabi niya at hinatak ang kamay but the guards are strong and persistent they won't let me go. "Crest..." he glanced at me while still pulling his hand. "L-let's talk, please? Parang-awa mo na, p-papaliwanag ako—"
I screamed in shock when my twin pulled his hand from me and punched Locket's cheek, umawang ang labi ko suminghap. Sa sobrang lakas ng impact ng suntok ay nabitawan ng guards si Locket kaya natumba sa lapag ang huli at humiwalay ang kambal ko sa akin para dambahin siya.
"Alchiel!" I exclaimed when I saw him punched Locket's cheek again na hindi naman lumaban at hinayaan ang kambal ko. "Alchiel—"
"Take her inside!" mariing sabi ni Chiel at napamura na ako sa isipan nang maramdaman ang kamay ng guards sa braso ko para pigilan ako sa paglapit.
"Ma'am, pasok na po tayo—"
"No!" I hissed, "Alchiel! Fucking stop that!" I called but he isn't listening to me at all, may sinasabi si Locket pero hindi ko na makuha dahil galit ang kambal ko.
"Fuck you! I'm doing this because I'm fucking protecting my sister!" galit na sigaw ni Chiel at hinawakan ang shirt ni Locket na may dugo na ang labi at hinatak. "What do you think I'm doing, huh?!"
"T-they knew about her," my forehead creased when I heard Locket's faint voice.
"What?!" Chiel hissed and I cursed loudly when he gripped his shirt more. "Gago ka—"
"T-they knew about her, please...please protect Crest. Please." He muttered and the grip on my bag tightened. "I-I'm begging you, Attorney, please...please protect her."
Natahimik si Alchiel at ako'y natulala rin.
"Chiel—" I called but my twin glanced at my guards and spoke.
"Pumasok ka!" he hissed at me but I shook my head and spoke, "what is happening—"
"Drag her inside!" he commanded at kahit anong pilit ko ay nahila na ako papasok ng mga guards para hindi sila makita and the last thing I saw is Locket's sad and teary eyes.
It got me thinking and I couldn't focus in my work pero wala naman akong magawa. Alchiel won't say anything and told me he asked Locket to stay away from me and that's it, he left after telling my guards to never leave my side.
I told him before I am uncomfortable of men kaya sa mga guards na palagi kong kasama, pulos sila babae at ang mga lalaki ay tahimik at nagmamasid lang sa malayo.
It's frustrating but I wanted to be okay so I focused on my work at noong free time ko ay inabala ko ang sarili sa pag-i-sketch habang nakatitig sa malaking glass wall at sa mga building ng siyudad.
Protect me from what? I sighed and closed my eyes, having a glimpse of the memories we had when I found out about his past.
Veronica...I can't take my mind off her, I remembered the dress she's wearing. I even have the slightest memory of her, kung hindi man ay baka nag-i-imagine lang ako ng bagay but I don't know.
Maybe I'm becoming paranoid.
I sighed upon staring at my sketches, bakit wala akong gana? Bakit hinang-hina ako ngayon?
I took it back on my desk and talked to Tita Nat about my design's feedbacks, may iilang sinabi sa akin si Tita na minor revisions and I accepted it because I know it's for my own good too and ang halos lahat ay walang problema at pasok kaagad.
My Tita is in the process of making my designs come to life, ang mga approved na ay sinimulan ng gawin at may natapos ng iilan para sa mas madaling panahon ay mailabas na namin.
I got off work early, diretso ang lakad ko papunta sa sasakyan nang mahuli ng tingin ko si Locket na lumapit sa akin.
"Crest..." My eyes widen when I saw his swollen lip and the bruise on his cheek, I saw how the guards immediately covered me. Ang mga lalaki'y hinatak si Locket paalis.
"Excuse, Sir—"
"N-no, let me just talk to her..." pilit akong dinudungaw ni Locket.
"Sir, sorry po pero—"
"No, please..." I heard the desperation on his voice. "I won't hurt her. Crest, please..." I saw how he tried pushing the men away pero mas hinarangan lang siya.
"Sorry, Sir! Hindi po talaga p'wede."
"C-Crest...please, please." My eyes swelled when our eyes met, I saw how tears kept on falling down his cheek as he pushed the men away. "U-usap naman tayo, p-parang-awa mo na, s-saglit lang—"
"Let him." I said and I saw how everyone stopped, mabilis nila akong nilingon kaya umayos ako ng tayo at tumikhim. "It's okay, you can just stay here and watch us. He's a police officer, he won't hurt me."
"Pero Ma'am," ani ng guard ko. "Ibinilin po ni Attorney na h'wag—"
"I'm a grown up, kaya ko ang sarili ko." I said and glanced at Locket's who can't take his eyes off me. "You won't hurt me, right, Lt. Dmitrov?"
I saw how pain filled his eyes but he nodded and lifted his hand in the air a bit and spoke.
"I won't." He said, as if surrendering. "You can check on me for any weapons."
I saw the guards hesitating for a while pero nang makita nila akong tahimik lang at hindi magbabago ang desisyon ay kinapkapan nila si Locket at nang masiguradong wala ay nagpaalam sila sa aking sa malapit lang kaya tumango ako.
The cold air touched my skin and my heart pounded when I noticed Locket's been staring at me for quite some time now kahit nakikipag-usap pa ako sa mga guards ko.
I did my best to not show him any emotions, my cold black eyes stared at his gray, sad one.
"You're saying something, Lieutenant?" I asked formally, slowly fixing my straight hair on my back while staring at him nonchalantly.
He heaved a deep breath and brushed his hair frustratedly with his fingers before staring at me.
"I-I'm sorry..." he started and I remained staring at him. "I-it's not my intention to hurt you, C-Crest. M-mahal kita, totoong mahal kita." He moved closer kaya mabilis akong umatras at umiling sa kanya.
"Don't touch me. My guards will panic if they see us this close, we can talk with distance." I said and moved a bit.
I saw how he closed his eyes and nodded, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry."
I slowly nodded, the moment he opened his eyes again and met mine, I was stunned. Nakita ko ang paghulog ng panibagong luha niya at mabilis niya iyong iniwas sa akin at marahas na pinunasan.
"I-I'm sorry..." he cleared his throat and tried his best to remove the tears kaya kinuha ko ang panyo ko at inabot sa kanya. "It's okay, s-sorry for crying, I'm just—"
"Take it." I said and took his hand to give him my handkerchief. "And it's okay to cry, I won't judge."
He nodded, hesitatingly, he dried his tears with my hanky before staring at me again and scanned my face.
"M-mahal kita, Crest." He said again and it could actually make my heart crazy pero nahahaluan lang ng sakit ang pakiramdam ko. "C-Crest, I love you."
"Am I supposed to believe that?" malamig kong tanong at nakita kong umiiling siya at akmang gusto akong lapitan pero hindi niya magawa kaya kinuyom na lang ang kamay at ibinaba.
"N-no..." he shook his head. "I-it's just that...I wanted to tell you it was t-true, a-alam ko namang hindi ka na maniniwala p-pero totoong mahal k-kita, Crest. I-I don't want to hurt you, g-gusto ko lang sanang m-mahalin ka ng buo, ng w-wala na akong sabit pero—"
"Sabi mo, ayaw mo akong saktan, right?" I asked and he nodded, his bloodshot eyes shattered me.
"A-ayaw...ayaw kong saktan ka. A-ayoko, Pinga, a-ayoko." Iling-iling niya at halos manghina na ako sa paambang mga luha ko pero mas nilakasan ko ang loob at bumuntonghininga.
"If you don't want to hurt me then leave." I said at kaagad kong nabakas ang kung ano sa mata niya.
"C-Crest..."
"Just merely seeing you hurts me, Locket." I said coldly and he remained looking at me, baffled. "I can't tell you it's okay because it wasn't. Just seeing you breaks me, alam mo namang pinapakita ko lang na malakas ako pero hindi naman. I may look okay now but seeing and remembering shatters me."
Tumungo siya at napasinghap ako nang abutin niya ang kamay ko at mahigpit na hinawakan.
"S-sorry, sorry..." he said, I can hear the painful sobs leaving his lips. "S-sorry, Crest."
"It's not okay, Locket. H-hindi ako okay." I said and closed my eyes tightly while hearing his sobs. "K-kasi mahal na mahal kita p-pero siya pala nakikita mo sa akin. H-hindi ako si Veronica, Locket. H-hindi ako siya..."
I stared at him and saw his shaking shoulders.
"I-I know..." he nodded and raised his head to stare at me. "I-ikaw ang mahal ko, Crest. I-ikaw...s-sana maniwala ka."
My tear fell, I saw how he lifted his other hand to dry my tears pero mabilis akong lumayo at umiling.
"I-I can't." I said and sighed, "k-kasi kahit anong isip ko, masakit. I-I will never be your Veronica, Locket."
"P-pero ikaw ang Crest ko." He said desperately and I shook my head and softly pulled my hand from his grip.
"Y-you are not my P-pingu, Locket." I said and I saw how he harshly shook his head.
"N-no...I-I'm yours, Crest. I'm yours--"
"No. B-because you weren't mine in the first place." I said and took a step back.
"C-Crest..." he reached for me pero mas umiling ako at nagsalita.
"P-please, sana hindi na tayo magkita." I said and turned my back on him and no matter how many times he called my name desperately, I never look back.
Ang mga araw na masasaya'y tila kay bilis kaysa sa puno ng sakit at mga luha. It's slower than those smiles we had when we're happy. How ironic and sad how pain will remain more in people's minds and hearts than the happy ones.
Locket couldn't get to me but I am seeing him at times, in my events, nasa malayo at nanunuod. I cut ties with him and the boys a long time ago yet their love and the pain remains, nagtatalo kung ano ang dapat maiwan sa akin.
Months passed by and I am doing my best to be okay, I am staying on my parent's mansion, CAGE, my Tita Nat's clothing line is doing good and my designs are selling really well. I remembered the first time we announced the launching, everyone is there, the press and my whole family and I felt happy seeing their proud smiles and cheers.
I remembered my very first achievement and it was my designs selling out for only twenty minutes in its release day. Instead of the plan na locally pa muna namin irerelease ay naiba, just a week after the release of my designs, international celebrities, clients and markets are asking for it kaya Tita Nat informed me that she's willing and happy to do a mass production for my collection and it's always sold out and in CAGE's bestsellers.
We spent our time in Sta. Monica if holidays, we did our best to be with Mama Lena as much as possible, making her happy so she could get her mind off Papa Jer kasi kahit sabihin niyang ayos lang siya, I am hearing her crying at times.
I can still remember how I heard her cry that one time when I visited her because everyone's busy and she's crying inside her room, I heard her saying and calling Papa Jer.
"H-hon, miss na miss na kita, i-isama mo na ako..." I heard her saying while crying, hugging Papa Jer's pillow and touching her paper plane necklace and it broke me.
Simula noon, instead of staying at my parent's, kapag wala sila sa bahay ay nandoon ako kay Mama Lena para samahan siya, kami ni Clyte madalas. We will sleep with her, watch movies with her, visit different and fun places pero mas madalas ako ang kasama niya kasi abala si Clyte sa trabaho at may problema rin.
"Wow, balita ko at sobrang benta raw ng mga designs mo, anak?" Mama Lena asked while we're on the bed and watching television, katatapos lang ng balitang showbiz at nakita ang design ko. It's just me and her, like usual.
"Opo, Mama." I smiled sweetly at her before drinking my warm milk. "Sabi po ni Tita Natalie I am so great po. Dad is so proud po, Ma. Alam mo ba, hindi po siya nagso-social media but his facebook account's filled with shared articles about my designs? 'Yong sparkling gold gown na ginawa ko? Sinuot po ng isang sikat na singer sa red carpet." I said proudly and Mama smiled and touched my hand.
"I knew it, princess. I knew you'll be a great designer someday. Bata pa lang kayo, your parents, Jer and I knew you, our kids are bound to do great things in the future." She said softly and squeezed my hand.
"Salamat po, Mama." I smiled softly and rested my head on her shoulder after lowering the glass of milk. "Salamat po kasi nandito po kayo sa amin, salamat po, Mama kasi po pinalaki niyo kaming maayos at may pagmamahal sa isa't-isa, thank you so much for being the best grandparents ever! Kayo po ni Papa Jer." I hugged her tightly.
She chuckled and touched my hair, kissing it a bit before hugging me.
"We are not the best parents, princess, no one is. Lahat ng mga magulang may pagkukulang, pati na rin ang mga anak pero para saan pang natututo tayo, 'di ba? It's hard being the best so we could only strive to be better, anak ko." She whispered. "I am so sorry if minsa'y nagkakagulo ang pamilya natin, anak. Sorry, pero gagawin natin ang lahat para maging matibay tayo, hmm?"
"Opo..." I whispered and closed my eyes tightly, feeling my Mama's warmth.
"No matter what challenges come, I wish for you and our family to become stronger. Kahit mawala na ako, hmm?"
"Don't say that, Ma." I said and stared at her. "You'll still be with us for years." I kissed her cheek and my beautiful grandma chuckled and pinched my cheek.
"Silly, I'm old, Crest. Hindi naman tayo nabubuhay ng mahaba and the least thing I could do for my remaining days is to be there with you and our family. Nararamdaman ko rin naman na inaantay na ako ng Papa Jer mo."
"Ma!" I hissed and glared at her pero tumawa lang siya sa akin.
"No kidding, Crest Veronica." She chuckled. "I've been dreaming about your Papa Jer for months now. Noong nawala siya, hindi masyado pero ngayon madalas na, anak. Miss na miss na ata ako, alam mo naman iyong Lolo mo at clingy, kahit sa panaginip manghaharot."
I didn't know if I'll laugh or cry kaya ngumuso na lang ako at ginulo ni Mama ang buhok ko at natawa.
"Don't be sad, anak. Your Papa Jer's happy before leaving us because he knows we are strong. And I am too, kapag nawala ako, please remember na masaya akong lilisan, hmm? I am happy because we successfully molded our kids, our grandkids to be good people. Masaya ako at proud na proud kami sa inyo." She smiled.
"Mama naman...don't be like that." I muttered, my chest aching with the thought of her leaving us too.
"Our lives are unpredictable, Crest." She touched my cheek. "One time you're talking to them and one time they're leaving you. Losing someone dear to you is a very sad and traumatizing thing for everyone, anak. Some people can move on for a day, month, years but some can't move on at all. Some are still stuck in losing someone dear to them and it took a toll on them and it's not an easy process pero kagaya ng sinasabi ko, it's okay to mourn but don't stay mourning for a long time. Mahirap man pero kailangan nating matutong tumayo sa pagkakadapa, matutong lumangoy kapag nalulunod na."
My eyes swelled while hearing her say that.
"M-ma, do you think someone c-could get stuck in the past, to an old love and years a-after, love someone else?" I asked softly and Mama nodded and smiled.
"Everyone is capable of loving, anak. Love is an unexplainable feeling, it just comes, in unexpected ways. Hindi nadidiktahan 'yan, kapag nagmahal ka, mahirap pigilan so yes, they can love again. Kahit sabihin mong ayaw mo na, may darating at masisira lahat ng mga sinabi mo sa sarili mo. A lot of people are still stuck and chained to their past, not just because of love but because of past, horrible experiences, traumas and I believe those people can and is capable of freeing themselves from the chain tying them if they wanted to."
"R-really po?" my voice broke, thinking of Locket...thinking of me and my horrible and traumatizing past.
"Oo, anak ko. Is this you?" she asked kaya natahimik na ako at tinitigan siya. "I'm not forcing you to tell me, it's okay, Crest pero always remember na mahal na mahal ka namin, okay? You are a strong woman and if it's really you, I strongly believe you can get pass this. You can free yourself from being tied because malakas ka. You are our Crest Veronica and you're one of the sweetest and strongest woman I know."
My tears fell upon hearing that and I moved my body closer to her, hugging her tightly and whispered. "I love you, Mama Lena. L-love na love po kita. H-h'wag niyo ako iwan, ah?"
"Oh, I love you too, our princess." She hugged me back. "You are our strong princess, you can do it. You will be freed from your chains soon, Crest. I know you will because you are so brave."
"Goodnight, Mama. I love you po. See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight too, Crest. Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat, see you tomorrow, anak." She whispered.
I slept with Mama Lena with a peaceful heart, I am sleeping on her arms like a baby and she let me. She even sang a soft lullaby and told me she loves me while combing my hair and I dozed off to sleep, excited for another morning with her but...it didn't come.
"M-ma..." my voice shook and touched her. "M-ma, umaga na po, gising na po."
Niyugyog ko siya ng marahan but she wasn't responding, my hand started shaking but I remained calm. She looks peaceful, nakapikit pero hindi gumagalaw at nagigising kahit anong pilit ko.
"M-ma!" mas lumakas na ang boses ko pero wala pa rin kaya nangilid ang luha ko.
It's not what I am think it is, right? Right?!
I moved my hand, my fingers going softly and gently to her neck and I felt like losing my consciousness when I felt no pulse at all.
"M-ma...no! No!" I exclaimed, my tears began falling again. "W-wake up, Mama. W-wake up..." I sobbed.
"N-no..." I cried violently and hugged her tightly. "D-don't leave me, M-mama...don't leave me! G-gising ka na, gising ka na..."
"Ma'am?! Bakit po?!" I heard the housemaid called and I stared at her and sobbed loudly.
"S-si Mama..." I said in a shaking voice. "S-si M-mama, si Mama, ayaw m-magising..." I cried.
Ambulance came to take my Mama Lena but I wasn't responding at all, nakatulala lang kapag kausap nila ako at wala akong lakas para magsalita that Dad had to leave me in our ancestral because I can't imagine seeing my Mama lying there, lifeless.
"D-dito ka muna, anak." Ani Dad na lumuhod sa harapan ko para hawakan ang pisngi ko. His eyes are bloodshot too and he's shaking while touching my cheek. "H-hahatid lang namin si Mom sa o-ospital, ah?"
"D-dad, si Mama..." tears started pooling down my cheek. "D-dad, k-kausap ko lang siya kagabi, t-tapos p-pagkagising ko. T-tulog lang naman si Mama, Dad, 'di ba? G-gigising siya mamaya?"
Dad stared at him and my heart ache when his shoulder moved and when he began crying and shaking his head, I broke down.
"H-hindi siya patay!" I exclaimed loudly and Dad pulled me closer for a hug. "G-gigising siya, Dad! G-gigising si Mama..."
"W-wala na si Mommy," he whispered painfully on my ear and hugged me tighter. "'D-di na siya g-gigising anak, w-wala na siya."
I can't feel anything but pain, namamanhid na ako, walang lakas habang iniisip ang mga nangyayari. Clyte stayed with me but Tita Zidney is hysterical and fainted kaya kailangan niyang umalis at nagpaiwan akong mag-isa.
Ayokong kumausap ng kahit sino, I can't even talk to my siblings. Pinaalis ko silang lahat dahil hindi ko pa kaya. Ayoko. Ayokong may nakakakita sa aking ganitong kamiserable.
I talked to Papa Jer before he died and now...pati si Mama Lena, pati si Mama'y iniwan na rin ako.
Chiel visited me and informed me Mama's memorial will start tomorrow pero hindi ko siya sinagot, I told him to leave while I stayed on her bed, hugging the pillow she last used and cried my heart out.
In Mama Lena's memorial, hindi ako makausap ng kahit sino. I saw how father broke down while saying his last words for Mama, I have never seen him this weak and seeing how he sobbed made my heart ache.
I saw Locket there and the boys, I don't know but maybe for security because of the threats for our family these days. Gusto nilang lumapit pero tahimik lang akong umiwas and it hurts seeing the sad and broken expression on Brent, Adam and Earn's eyes. I even saw Locket staring and checking out on me wherever I go, lalo na at nagulat ako nang makitang nandito si Eugene ng hindi inaasahan at inayos ang mga pulis sa paligid.
"Condolence, Crest." Eugene said when he caught me when I left to drink a glass of water.
My heart pounded, walang imik na inubos ko ang tubig at tinalikuran siya pero sa gulat ko ay biglang hinatak niya ang kamay ko.
"Ang bastos mo, ah? Halika nga." He pulled my hand and I gasped in shock.
"Let me go!" I hissed quietly and he pulled me more.
"What? I just told you my condolences, you are just so rude to me." He smiled evilly, "akala mo naman walang—"
"Let her go." Isang mariing boses at isang hila ay nagulat ako nang makita si Locket, mabilis na itinago ako sa kanyang likod at hinarap si Eugene na tumaas ang sulok ng labi.
"Oh, the Lieutenant is here. Playing a superhero again, huh?" he smirked. "You can't save her—"
"What are you doing here?" mariing sabi ni Locket at mas humigpit ang hawak sa akin na parang natatakot na makuha ng kung ano. "Prosecutor Sandejas never ask you to go here. Leave now. H'wag kang lalapit dito."
"They didn't know anyway," he said and chuckled. "Masama bang bumisita? I am just checking our police force here because I'm a Lt. Col."
"You know what? Akala ko basura ka lang noon." Mariing sabi ko kaya natigilan si Eugene. "But now? I realized you're not just a trash, ikaw 'yong nabubulok, Eugene. 'Yong umaalingasaw."
"Y-you..." he cursed and pointed me. "You're—"
"What are you doing here?" sabay-sabay kaming natigilan nang may nagsalita at nakita ko ang malamig na mata ni Dad habang nakatingin kay Eugene.
"Oh, Prosecutor." I saw him smirked and nodded, "nothing, I'm just visiting and saying my condolences but your daughter here is so demure and—"
"Leave." Mariing sabi ni Dad at kaagad akong nagtaka sa galit sa boses niya. "Thank you for checking the perimeter here but please, leave. I asked for Lt. Dmitrov here, not you. Kindly leave before I let my men drag you out of here."
"So rude..." Eugene glanced at me before staring at Locket and chuckled. "Okay, I'm leaving. You're still the same, old arrogant lawyer, Prosecutor. Can't prove a crime kahit anong yabang kaya 'di ko na kayo pinahirapan. I closed it."
Nakita ko ang pagdilim ng mata ni Dad, even Locket started tensing up and it made me curious and worried.
"Leave." Dad said hardly, nakita ko ang iilang mga tauhan nina Tito Zeijan na nakaantabay kaya tumango si Eugene at natawa.
"Oh, I will." He smiled and glanced at me. "Bye, Crest." He even winked kaya mas bumilis ang paghinga ko.
He left and I am panicking, mabilis na inabot ako at inalalayan ni Locket nang muntik na akong matumba at si Dad ay kaagad akong hinawakan.
"What's the matter, Crest? Did the asshole hurt you?" ani Dad sa akin pero umiling na lang ako at bumuntonghininga.
"I-I'm just tired." I whispered and smelled Locket's scent beside me. "I-I'll just rest."
The next days after Mama Lena's burial, I was not in my usual self. I'm always lonely and quiet, kapag nand'yan ang pamilya at mga pinsan ko'y ginagawa ko ang lahat para maging maayos pero mahirap kapag ako lang mag-isa sa kwarto.
I couldn't sleep again without my sleeping pills that I am afraid I'm depending on it again. I am unproductive, I am crying with no reason at all and it's really tiring and sad.
"Thank you for doing this, Crest." Tita Nat smiled at me. "I can definitely see you having your own clothing line, with that unique talent you have, I know you will be successful."
"Thank you po, Tita." I smiled.
"Welcome, it's a pleasure having you here. We will work and I will help you so you could start a business, okay? Thallia is so proud of you, you know? Kapag nandito siya puro usapan namin 'yong damit na gawa mo." She chuckled.
We hugged before I left her company's office, tahimik lang ako sa biyahe pauwi sa mansyon nang mapansing maraming unanswered calls ang phone ko na hindi ko napansin. I even saw messages and I decided to open Clyte's.
From: Clyte-Clyte ko
Crest? Where are you? You should really go here to the ancestral. This is really urgent. Your Dad is ballistic!
My forehead creased, puro gano'n ang messages nilang lahat sa akin kaya mabilis kong sinabi sa driver na sa ancestral kami.
My heart is pounding in panic when we got there, mabilis akong naglakad papasok. Iginaya ako ng mga maids sa meeting room namin sa ancestral at nang buksan ng maid ang pintuan ay nagulat ako nang makitang nandoon ang buong pamilya ko at sina Tito Zeij, Tito Thorn at Zion.
My eyes widen when I saw Locket on the side, napaayos ng tayo nang makita ako, pansin ko ang pagod sa mga mata. I saw the worry in it and it made me nervous.
"Crest!" Mom exclaimed when she saw me and stood, si Clyte ay napapikit pa at napatayo rin.
I saw Chiel making calls, si Adira ay nakatayo sa gilid at malalim ang iniisip, si Dad ay nakatayo at nakasandal sa lamesa, hawak ang kanyang phone at nakatingin sa akin. His necktie is ruined, magulo ang buhok at malalim ang hinga.
I noticed the darkness, pain and some unexplained emotions playing on his bloodshot eyes.
"D-dad..." I muttered, iniwan ko si Mom at lumapit. "W-what's..."
"W-why are doing this to me, huh, Crest Veronica?" mariing sabi niya kaya napakunot ang noo ko, lalo na nang may nahulog na luha sa mga mata niya.
"W-what's happening?"
"Really, huh?" mariing sabi niya kaya mas naguluhan ako, ang puso'y malakas ang kalabog.
"D-dad, ano bang—"
"See it for yourself then." Matigas niyang sabi, padarag niyang ibinaba ang phone sa lamesa at naguguluhang umikot ang tingin ko sa kanila at napansin ang pag-aalala nila kaya kinuha ko iyon.
I unlocked the phone with my shaking hand and my forehead creased when I saw a video, "w-what's this?"
"Watch it!" his voice roared kaya napatalon ako at nanginginig man ang kamay ay klinick ko iyon at parang nabuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig nang makita iyon.
The video was kinda blurry and unfocused at first pero after ng ilang segundo ay nakita kong nasa kama na iyon. The pain and trauma came back like it was happening when I saw myself on the bed, with my eyes closed, tanging ang taas ng dibdib ko ang kita pero alam kong hubad iyon.
"You like it, huh, Crest Veronica?" I heard the terrifying familiar voice on the other line and my hand shook harder.
"Go on, moan for me. Gusto mo 'to, 'di ba?" I heard the voice while it was focused on my face. I saw how my forehead creased, I groaned and tried saying something but I was so dizzy I couldn't utter a word.
"Akin ka, Crest." I heard the voice. "Tang ina ka, ang sarap mo."
The video ended and I lost the grip on my phone, nanginig ang kamay ko at napatulala, ang mga luha'y nahuhulog na sa luha.
"D-dad, I-I don't—"
"I didn't stop you from having boys around, Crest Veronica!" Dad exclaimed loudly and I saw how tears fell from his bloodshot eyes.
"D-dad, no!" I explained, my breath labored. "H-hindi po—"
"A-anong gagawin ko, huh?! Anong gagawin ko ngayong binabastos ka sa social media, Crest Veronica!" he screamed in frustration and I sobbed loudly. Narinig ko ang iyak nila Mom at mga pinsan ko kaya mas nanghina ako.
"D-Dad..." I shook my head.
"T-they're making fun of you! T-they're sexualizing you!" he exclaimed and touched his chest. "H-hindi ko kaya...tang ina, 'y-yong anak ko b-binabastos. T-tang ina..."
"I-Iñigo..." Mom moved closer to him but my father is shaking so hard in frustration.
"A-ate..." Adira hugged my waist at si Chiel ay nanatiling nakatayo sa tabi ko.
"Iñigo," Mom called him. "C-calm down, w-we are taking it down—"
"B-binabastos nila ang prinsesa ko, Thallia!" he exclaimed loudly. "P-putang ina nila, 'y-yong anak ko...'yong anak ko." He began shaking, napaupo siya sa lapag.
"D-dad..." I sobbed and tried going to him pero mas niyakap ako ni Adira.
"C-Crest Veronica! A-anong nangyayari..." Dad cried loudly. "W-why did you have—b-binabastos nila 'yong anak ko! 'Y-yong a-anak natin, T-Thallia."
"I-I didn't know that," I said in a faint voice at narinig ko ang iyak ni Dad doon habang pinapatahan ni Mommy.
"What happened, Crest?" It was Chiel who's still sane and calm despite his bloodshot eyes who asked me.
"H-hindi ko alam n-na m-may gano'n...'di ko 'yon g-gusto...hindi." I shook my head harshly.
"T-tell me, then. B-bakit may v-video, huh?" marahang tanong ni Chiel kahit na nangangatal na ang boses. "B-bakit g-gano'n? B-binabastos ka sa s-social media, C-Crest..."
"I-I'm..." my hand trembled same as my voice as I gathered enough strength to tell them the things bothering me ever since. "I-I did not w-want that."
"Bakit may gano'n? P-paanong nangyari..." I heard Chiel asked desperately and I saw Locket harshly removing his tears. Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Dad at nakitang nakatitig siya sa akin habang patuloy na nahuhulog ang luha.
"I-I was forced." My voice quivered. "I-I was raped, Dad. T-takot po ako, t-takot na takot po a-ako." I confessed and cried loudly.
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