𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲?
Four and I haven't really been on speaking terms since Tuesday morning when he stood me up. I knew I shouldn't have gotten so used to him being around, nothing in high school lasts and I unfortunately got involved in a relationship where I didn't even know where I stood.
Things were so confusing with Four, I got the feeling that he wants to be with me but he's also very distant every time. I like to think I'm someone who knows what she wants. And I want him but if he doesn't open up to me more, I don't think this will get us anywhere.
We had talked briefly throughout the remaining of the week and I hadn't seen him at school, maybe he was avoiding me but I knew it was his work that was holding him back. It was now Friday and Madi and I were on our way to the mall once school ended.
It seemed like we were always here.
"I'm sorry I pushed you to talk to him." She says, leaning her head into my shoulder as we walked inside a store.
"Don't be," I comfort. "I don't know what'll happen but if he chooses not to be with me I guess there isn't much I can do about that." I shrug. Madi looks at me and smiles.
"You know, I love your independence so much. You don't care about boys breaking your heart. That's a bad bitch energy."
"Four didn't break my heart," I laugh. "We're just not on speaking terms as of now." I could cope with us giving each other time to cool off. Walking away is a method of mine I use to clear my thoughts and it was something my counselor taught me to do instead of suppressing my feelings.
To be comfortable with yourself you have to learn to be around you. You have to know the tricks to your mind and what makes it keep you sane. I found Yoga was my therapy, just like shopping was Madi's. Her retail therapy.
"Well, I guess there's only one thing we can do now." Madi says and drags me by the arm inside an H&M. "We're going to a party and we need to find you cute clothes."
"What party are we going to now?" I question and watch as she puts a skin tight dress to me.
"A party where Four is at almost every Friday," Madi puts the dress back on the rack. "Zach's." She says nonchalantly. "To give him a taste of what he's giving up."
"Why am I going to make Four jealous? We haven't stopped talking yet."
"So we don't give him the chance to even think about it," She winks at me and drags me towards more racks of clothing. Much to Madi's persistent ways of getting me to buy a latex dress that left little to no imagination, I only ended up getting a basic white t-shirt and new jeans.
I didn't need new clothes to make Four jealous, especially a dress that makes me look cheap. Madi, on the other hand, enjoyed shopping and splurging on herself. After that, we went to grab lunch before going back to my house where we would get ready.
"The good thing about you is that no matter what you wear, you make everything look good," She says as she applies eyeliner. "And that is not fair."
I giggle as I put my hair up in a messy bun. I ended up switching my new jeans for some distressed high waisted denim shorts and my white shoes. I do apply eyebrow gel to my eyebrows and some light mascara before moisturizing my lips with my Vaseline chapstick.
"I'm going to be honest with you," I say as I join her on my hairdresser. "I'm pretty tired." Madi narrows her eyes at me and finishes applying her lipgloss.
"Nice try." She says making me groan and sit on the edge of my bed. "But you're going with me. Especially since Esmer is going and I don't want her calling me at like four in the morning, high and asking me to pick her up."
"Fine," I say and watch as she slips on her shoes. "But you're driving me back." I say and she rolls her eyes while snaking her arm around mine and we walk off.
—
The place looked the same as usual, graffiti along the walls although this time it had more that it stood out with the bright colors. The black lights and various LED lights made the graffiti glow. When we go inside, the usual smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke fills the room and I turn to Madi.
"I hope you know you're not drinking." I point out and Madi sighs.
"Yeah, I know." she groans and takes me towards the people that were dancing. "At least dance with me so I can have some sort of entertainment." She tells me and I join her. The florescent lights shine throughout the room and the strobe lights flash quickly that it made people appear to be moving in slow motion.
After a few minutes of dancing, I excuse my self to the bathroom. I've never been to the bathrooms in this place, and knowing where we are, I'm not expecting much privacy or cleanliness.
I barely get to the bathrooms to notice a long line making me groan. I mean, I didn't really have to go I only wanted to fix myself up a bit. As I turn however, I notice Zach in front of me with a red cup in his hand and a smirk on his lips that hugged a cigarette.
His presence sort of startled me, I usually always see him up on the lounge area upstairs. "So I hear your birthday's coming up." He speaks into my ear and I can smell his cologne and the cigarette. My birthday, that was definitely a subject I didn't enjoy talking about let alone celebrate it.
I nod. "Where'd you hear that from?" I ask although I already knew the answer.
"You do have a very chatty twin brother," he says. "I told him I'd gladly host your party here if you'd like, usually goes like this but much much fun."
"I don't celebrate my birthday," I retort. "But thanks for the offer." I had no idea why he was talking to me, we've never held a proper conversation before. I choose to end it there and begin to walk away.
"I'm sure Four would really like it if you came," he says and I stop in my tracks making me turn back around to face him. I got that sense that his comment had some type of sexual innuendo behind it.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask but he only looks behind me before smirking at me and walking away. I didn't have to turn to see that Four had joined.
"Jo." he says and I look at him.
"Did you tell anyone about what happened between us?" I ask and his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.
"What do you mean?" He asks and I look around. I really didn't want to put him on the spot if this was a misunderstanding and Zach didn't mean it in that way, but that's how it sounded to me.
I wanted to feel annoyance towards him, and I was but now as I stand before him, I felt weak at the knees. I didn't know how much I missed him this whole week, but seeing him standing in a black shirt, a navy bandana and his dangling necklace made me want to hug him.
The effect he had on me was unbelievable.
I look away. "Nothing." Maybe I'm just paranoid about any of my business being exploited without my consent.
"What are you doing here? I thought you only stayed in on Fridays." He says and stuffs his hands inside his front pockets. I could tell he felt the awkward tension between us and it honestly made me feel like absolute shit.
Maybe he's not doing this to me, but rather me to him. "Four, are we okay?" I ask and the furrow between his eyebrows soften. He takes a step towards me and hesitates but grabs ahold of my hand.
"We're fine," he assures. "But really, what are you doing here?" He asks me and I sigh. I didn't want to tell him that Madi dragged me in here to make him jealous, so I look away.
"Madi wanted to keep an eye out on Esmer." I say and Four looks upstairs for a brief second. I try following his gaze but he calls my name.
"Wait for me right here, okay? I'll be right back and then we can leave."
"Leave?" I question. "You don't want to stay?"
"I'm pretty tired, we can go back to my place if you want." He tells me and I nod before he walks away to where his friends were upstairs.
I look around, my eyes scanning the people's faces before my gaze focused on Madi who was dancing with a groups of girls and guys. At least she won't be alone, I was too much of a coward to let her know I left right in front of her face and with Four, so I was just going to text her.
After about a few minutes, Four comes back, his shirt looking disheveled but before I could speak, he grabs my hand in his and leads us out.
When I look back one last time, I notice Jaque upstairs with an angry face watching as we walk away.
—
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