5 AM
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The world outside was still shady and quiet. The air was cool and crisp, and the sky was still shrouded in the lingering darkness of night. The streets were empty, and the only sounds were the occasional chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze. The distant glow of streetlights gave a faint illumination to the surroundings, casting long shadows across the pavement. It was a peaceful time, perfect for quiet reflection or a brisk morning walk to start the day off right. But it was not true for those who had not slept since the previous night.
Braden couldn't sleep. It was 5 AM, and he was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His thoughts were full of his ex-boyfriend, Felix. They had broken up just a few weeks ago, but it felt like an eternity. Braden could not help but think about the good moments they had shared. He missed him badly, and things got worse when he decided to turn on the music. Braden just wanted to cheer himself up. However, he accidentally chose Felix's favorite playlist, and the first song was "5 AM" by Fells and SayWeCanFly. It had almost become their theme song because Felix loved its tunes, whereas Braden had been scared that this song could be a bad sign for their relationship. Ironically, what he had worried about became true: They had broken up, and he was the one to suffer.
"It's 5 AM, I'm laying with you on my own
Been trying to sleep but I can hear all of my broken bones
Anxiety is making breathing pretty difficult
Thought I could fix myself, I guess I'm terminal."
He remembered the day they first met. It was at the café near their workplace. He had spilled coffee on Felix's shirt and had apologized profusely. Felix smiled and told Braden that it was alright. Unsurprisingly, it became the beginning of an exquisite relationship. As a young couple, he and Felix were inseparable. They did everything together and shared an undeniable love.
But life was always an ill wind. As the days went by, the love between Braden and Felix began to wane, and they slowly started to have barriers. Braden could not understand why things had turned sour. They had fought over petty things and had slowly drifted apart. He wished he could turn back time and fix things between them.
Braden could not come to terms with the fact that his love for Felix was slipping away. He found himself wandering through life aimlessly, like a lost soul. Braden felt empty and desolated. It was as if he was merely taking up space in the world. He spent his days reliving the happy moments he had shared with Felix and his nights dreaming of a time when they could be reunited again.
One day, while scrolling through his phone, Braden discovered that Felix had moved on. He had found some new hobbies and was happy with his new life. Braden felt like he had been buried in a grave, unable to move on from her love for his ex. He couldn't let go. He continued sending messages to Felix's phone, pouring out his feelings and hoping he would get back to him. But nobody ever replied, and Braden realized he was only wasting his time.
Then, Braden conceded he was the hole, and Felix was the spade. His ex-boyfriend was the one who had dug him into a deep, dark place, and he was the one who had let him. He was the one who was wasting space, and Felix was the one who had gotten away. Much as Braden missed him, he also reconsidered what he had done and which of them led to their current status. Braden admitted not being a good lover and had hurt Felix so much that his ex could not stand it anymore and had to leave. Hence, he chose to fade into the background to be at peace. Despite that, when Braden had just forgotten the downs, the song "5 AM" reminded him of everything.
"I'm the ghost, you're the grave, I'm the hole, you're the spade
I'm the one wasting space; you're the one who got away
Sending my feelings to your phone, even though nobody's home
I'm the one wasting space, so I fade away."
After much contemplation, he finally decided to move on from his past relationship despite difficulties. He stopped messaging Felix and began paying attention to his life. Braden found joy in the little things he had previously overlooked. He realized that he could be content without Felix. However, the song turned the table. Its lyrics triggered a flood of memories, bringing back every moment they had shared.
Braden found himself lying there, lost in thought, while he revisited memories of his past relationship with Felix. As he let his mind wander, Braden realized he still loved Felix deeply. He knew, deep down, that he had to take action if he wanted to win Felix back. So, Braden decided to call Felix the next day and ask for a chance to make things right. He hoped that by expressing his most sincere feelings for Felix in his call, he would be able to rekindle their love and start afresh. Somehow, Braden thought the lyrics would perfectly capture his most sincere feelings and help him convey his message to Felix.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you, I didn't mean to do that
I just have too much shit on my mind
Now I can't even fucking think straight, losing all the week days
I've been feeling weak as hell inside."
He wanted his ex to know how he regretted hurting him. Braden also wanted Felix to understand how he overcame and appreciated the bitterness Felix left him with. He wanted to show that he had changed and become more mature, wishing that Felix would sympathize with him and give them another chance. He thought, "It is really cold when we are not hugging each other, Felix."
With hopefulness, Braden finally closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, letting the song play the final notes.
"Heart on my sleeve and I've been shivering these nights alone
Just spending every second wishing you were here to hold
Not gonna lie to you, it's kind of getting difficult
To be the only one awake at 5 AM alone
I'm backing up into your driveway, thinking about what I'll say
The sight of you has got me so uptight
Now I can't even fucking think straight, watching as my heart breaks
Praying as I look into your eyes
I know you hated me for everything that I couldn't do
Wish you'd have told me from the start, that I was nothing to you
Now I'm bleeding, yeah, I'm bleeding
And it feels good, yeah, it feels good."
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