12-Koi No Yokan
Taehyung awakens from a light nap to find Yoongi still curled into him with his hands placed gently on the nurse's chest. The elder's lashes are crusted over from crying, but they fan out over the swell of his cheeks as he slumbers. His lips are still swollen from their kisses and Taehyung finds himself reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from his eyes.
This is certainly a new development, but the nurse can't find it in himself to be surprised or even concerned. In a way, he had always felt that things would gravitate to this, he just didn't expect it to happen so seamlessly.
After the massage incident, he figured Yoongi wasn't emotionally ready to handle their ever-changing relationship— and maybe he still isn't— but coming to Taehyung for comfort was certainly a big step. He's not entirely sure why his patient was so upset, but he assumed it had something to do with the passing of Jimin's mother. No matter the issue, it meant that Yoongi trusted the nurse enough to be vulnerable and that was such a great progression on its own. He just hopes that this time, Yoongi doesn't run away, doesn't try to fight it, because Taehyung can't any longer.
That's why the kiss had happened in the first place— the nurse had grown restless watching Yoongi cry, seeing him in pain, and then the elder had found comfort in Taehyung's story about his mother's taste in music and those dark eyes had softened at the edges, his face had lost the usual hardness, and then there in his arms, was just Yoongi, looking up at Taehyung like no one else ever had.
Even Yoonji.
And so, running his fingers over the smooth skin of Yoongi's tear-stained cheeks, Taehyung had decided to go for it, and it's probably the single best decision he's ever made.
He smiles just thinking about it and lets out a breathy sigh.
With a soft groan, Yoongi wakes next to him, blinking a few time as his fingers flex and brush against the nurse's chest but he doesn't move his hands. Instead, he pushes just a little closer and peers over Taehyung's shoulder at the clock on the nightstand. "Fuck, we've only been asleep for thirty minutes."
Taehyung laughs at this. "I guess we tired each other out."
A dusting of pink colors Yoongi's cheeks at the statement and he rolls away to stretch his upper torso. "Shit, I'm tired but also... not tired." Taehyung wonders if they are going to talk about what happened, or if the moment is too fragile to address just yet. He doesn't want to scare Yoongi away, so he decides that a redirection of the night is in order, just to make sure things don't get too heavy.
"I understand what you mean. We did end up taking a nap," the nurse states with a grin. "We should, uh, go out and do something."
Incredulous, Yoongi cocks a brow as he fluffs his bedhead. "Right now? But it's so late."
This makes Taehyung snort as he watches his patient stretch out on the bed as much as he can. His legs are curled up where the nurse placed them and Yeontan has decided to lay on them. "Late? Oh, come on, this is nothing for you, right?"
"Are you referring to my sordid past?" Yoongi deadpans, eyeing the nurse from the corner of his eye.
"I'm referring to the fact that you don't have fun anymore and you should." Taehyung knows he's being a little bold, but they really need to change things up a little bit, or else Yoongi will get stuck in his head again and Taehyung will follow, and tomorrow they will be right back where they began, only this time with the memory of several simmering kisses burning in their minds.
Yoongi is still glaring at him, but there isn't any fire in his gaze. "With you?"
"Yes with me," Taehyung clarifies, rolling his eyes. "We had fun last time."
"Last time I nearly choked to death and then ended up getting thrown out of my chair and down a hill."
The nurse pouts, reaching out to pick Yeontan up and cuddle him. "You don't have to be negative about it."
"Ok then, what's the positive?" Yoongi is staring at him pointedly, but there's a cheeky little smirk threatening to play on his lips. Taehyung loves this. He loves joking around with his patient, acting like actual friends rather than stiff professional acquaintances.
Humming in consideration, the nurse begins to list off his thoughts. "We had a great dinner by Seokjin-hyung, we became friends, we talked about stuff and got closer, you tried the world's best candy, and you won our race." He smiles at the end and Yeontan even lets out a yip of satisfaction.
"I suppose I did," Yoongi declares proudly. "You still owe me takeout food for that."
"Oooh, you're right! So we definitely have to go out now!" With a flourish, Taehyung rises to his feet and sets Yeontan on the bed. The dog immediately waddles over to Yoongi and begins to lick the elder's face.
"Wait, right now?" Yoongi questions, not even flinching as Yeontan keeps giving him kisses. "You weren't joking about that?"
Cracking a smile, Taehyung stretches, feeling a strange sense of giddiness filling him. It seems he's more affected by the sudden shift in their relationship than he originally thought because now he can't get the idea of taking Yoongi on a second date out of his head. "Of course not, old man," he teases. "We both aren't tired and you deserve to get out more. I can show you the 'midnight city'."
Yoongi narrows his eyes. "The midnight what?"
"It's what I call the time of night after, well, midnight," the nurse explains, gesturing grandly. "Everything is just so different than it is at any other time of the day, but there's still so much to see. Like at the park for instance, it's peaceful but there's all these eclectic street vendors and people who work night shifts out and about. It's fun."
"That's what you said about the candy. Am I going to end up choking on something on this date too?"
"Only if you want to."
Right before his eyes, Yoongi's face grows impossibly red. Seconds later, Taehyung realizes how that sounded. He had honestly meant it as another joke alluding to trying more candy or some other food, but the words just fly out of his mouth, taking on a life of their own.
"Oh my god, I was talking about the candy, hyung, I swear! I would never say something like—"
Yoongi cuts him off with an exaggerated sigh, still lounging back on the bed. "You talk too much, you know that?"
"I really didn't mean it like that, I promise." Taehyung swears his face is burning hotter than the sun. His suggestion to go out was supposed to relieve some of their tension, not add to it. Now Yoongi would get flustered again and shut down and everything would be ruined—
"Tae."
The nurse swallows hard and comes out of his thoughts. "Yeah?"
Yoongi's gummy smile comes out to play. "Just shut up and take me out."
———————
In a way, Taehyung was right about this supposed 'midnight city'. It's almost as if Seoul itself had been dipped in something ethereal, a light mist shimmering over everything as they stroll through the very same park from their date. It's nearly empty, and Yoongi wants to tease the nurse for his false promises of fun, but then they arrive at the small corner where the vendors are usually set up and he has to eat his words.
It's... strange, but fun.
There's a group of teens busking, singing terribly off-key to older Big Bang songs while and old man sways to the melody as if he were at a wedding. The street food itself smells amazing and the fare is widely varied, much unlike it is during the daytime. The candy vendor from last time isn't present and Yoongi is grateful— he doesn't think he'll ever get over that little incident, however funny it turned out to be.
"What do you want?" Taehyung asks, positioning his patient at a table. "Kimbap? Noodles? Whatever that guy is selling?" He points to a man handing out foil packets of what look like balls of dough.
Yoongi hums, taking in the options. "You promised me something magical for being out here so late, so you decide, I guess."
The grin on Taehyung's face makes him instantly regret those words.
The nurse skips away in boyish glee and Yoongi finds himself grinning just as widely. He can't believe they're actually at this place, having forgone their earlier reservations about getting too close and just diving right in.
Yoongi certainly hadn't intended for it to happen this way, but now that he's here, watching Taehyung pay for their food, his caramel skin warm in the soft glow of the streetlights, he can't find it in himself to regret a single thing. Especially their kiss.
Oh, their kiss—
He could write fucking sonnets about that kiss.
"Wasabi Ramen," Taehyung blurts out as he comes back to the table, hiding his selections behind his back.
Yoongi scrunches up his nose at the thought and glares at the nurse. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Just teasing!" Taehyung presents their food and places it on the table. "I settled for the kimbap. Didn't want you to get mad over my food choices again, Hyungie."
"Hyungie?"
"You called me 'Tae' earlier. I think formalities have been thrown out by now."
A little stunned, Yoongi begins to eat his meal. "You have a point."
Did he really call the nurse 'Tae'? That's so... casual and intimate. Was he really feeling that safe with the younger man that he just let it slip? He ponders the development of their relationship as they eat and realizes just how much of asshole he's been throughout the entire thing. Suddenly, his face burns with shame, especially now that he can see just how genuine Taehyung has been with his feelings, even though he's just discovered that he's gay.
Clearing his throat, Yoongi begins to speak. "So, I wanted to apologize for a few things. I know that I've been nothing but difficult for you since you took this job and then I let you in, only to push you out when you tried to be there for me, and now.... this." He blushes profusely. "I... bet you're waiting for me to freak out on you again, huh?"
"Not going to lie... yes." The nurse laughs at his own confession, but he's not angry. "I've been kind of worrying about that."
"Well, I can't promise I won't— I still can't believe it. One moment you're you, with your hair in that stupid ponytail," Taehyung cackles at this, "and your fruit juice and all that lip balm, and then the next.... it's more than that. I have no fucking idea how it happened." Yoongi sighs after his rambling, staring down at the table with knots in his stomach. He doesn't want to seem rude, but he honestly can't wrap his mind around how he let himself open up to someone who isn't Jimin. "Anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for all the shit I've done and all the shit I'm going to do, I guess."
He expects Taehyung to laugh, but instead he looks up to find the nurse staring at him with soft eyes. "You really don't need to apologize, hyung. I understand."
And there's something about the way Taehyung says this that irks Yoongi. "Shit," he curses, eyeing the other. "You always do that, you know? Let me push you around and then try to comfort me by saying you understand. It's ok to get mad at me, you know."
"I know it's ok, but...." Taehyung trails off, poking at the leftover kimbap on the table. "I really do understand. I get it, this is weird and we're both still, dealing with some things, so...."
"Things?"
The nurse shifts awkwardly in his chair. "Well, if I'm being honest, I'm still not over my last relationship, and you've got your issues...."
Yoongi quirks a brow. He doesn't know whether to be offended or impressed that the other man is taking this seriously and has thought this through.
"You're still in love with Jimin-hyung," Taehyung clarifies with a hard swallow. "I can just tell, and I don't blame you. He's a really nice person."
"Yeah, I guess I am," Yoongi admits. Of course he's known this, but admitting it out loud to someone who isn't his best friend is jarring. They've talked about this before, but never in the present tense, and surprisingly, the nurse doesn't seem upset by this fact. Probably because he too, has someone he can't let go. What a pair they make together. "It's definitely a process, getting over him... So, you're still in love with your girlfriend, huh? Like it's more than just feeling guilt about moving on?"
"Yes.... I don't think I could ever forget her."
It's strange, but Yoongi doesn't feel jealous. Maybe because their relationship is so new and he's still processing things, or maybe he doesn't feel the need to be in competition with someone who isn't here.
"You don't have to forget her," he tells the nurse. "I mean, you can't only want her forever, but moving on doesn't mean that you forget someone or that you don't love them, it just means you accept reality."
Taehyung nods at this, his lips pulled into a slight frown. "You feel that way about Jimin-hyung, huh? You accept the fact that you won't be together but you still love him, but it's just different now."
"That's... what I'm working towards, yeah. What about you? What are you working towards?"
"I-I'm not really sure," the nurse answers honestly. "Like, obviously I've discovered some things about myself recently, but I'm not sure if that's really me or if it's because I miss her so much.... like maybe I'm trying to find her in everyone."
"So, what we did...." Yoongi trails off, deciding not to finish the question. He purses his lips and tries to squash down the urge to lash out. It's difficult though, because he had just assumed that their kiss was some sort of declaration from Taehyung that he was interested in Yoongi, but now....
Taehyung quickly tries to backtrack, waving his hands frantically. "I'm sorry, I said that wrong! I really do like you— So much, hyung. You just... you remind me of her a lot. You're quiet and determined, but soft and sweet. It's moments like this, when it's just the two of us that I get to see you for who you really are and it's so nice. It's nice to feel like this again."
When Yoongi doesn't speak, instead just staring at the table, Taehyung clears his throat.
"But you're not a replacement for her, if that's what you're thinking. It's been three years since I lost her and I've never once been interested in anyone— let alone a guy— but then you happened. That has to mean something, you know?"
It's not much, and it really doesn't quell the burn of insecurity within Yoongi, but the nurse is being honest, and that counts for something. "Do you want it to mean something?" he asks, looking up at Taehyung and trying his hardest not to look like a hopeful school girl waiting for her oppa to notice her.
"Do you, hyung? Because I do... I really do."
And it's the way Taehyung looks in this moment, his bleached hair falling haphazardly around his face, his skin glowing in the streetlights with eyes that are wide and imploring, focused solely on Yoongi like he's the entire world, like he's important— this is what breaks Yoongi.
"I think— I think I have a lot of shit to figure out but.... yes," he admits, his voice quiet, but he's certain the nurse can hear him perfectly. "I want it to mean something." It's hard to admit and he can already feel the future version of him regretting this admission, but the twinkle in Taehyung's eye is worth it.
The nurse smiles, cupping his chin in his hand and leans across the table. "Then where do we go from here?"
Yoongi laughs darkly because he loves this feeling but he hates this part— reality, practicality. "I hate to be this way, but is there anywhere to go? Jimin is coming back soon and you'll have to move on to a new patient. You have your whole life ahead of you, Taehyung, and this isn't a drama. I'm not going to walk ever again, not without risky intervention. Being with me means tying you down and I'm not willing to do that."
Taehyung frowns at this and sits back. He opens his mouth to speak but Yoongi beats him to it.
"I know what you're thinking. And what do you intend to do, Taehyung? Be with me but still be my nurse? Do I keep paying you? You wouldn't be able to get another job if you're always taking care of me. And if you let Jimin continue to care for me, then where does that leave you? What if you get assigned to a patient across the city; what if you get offered another live-in position? Would you really be ok with Jimin being so close with me, knowing I still have feelings for him? And what about you? It's hard enough just coming to terms with liking men, but you're willing to just embrace that and jump into a relationship with a disabled man while still grieving the loss of your girlfriend?" Yoongi finishes his barrage of questions and just stares at his nurse.
Remaining quiet, Taehyung considers his patient's words before placing his hands on the table. "So that's it? There's no future for us? This is all just some thing you let me do until you have to let me down?"
"Taehyung, please don't start—"
"Hyung, you came to me when you wanted comfort," the nurse states, furrowing his brows. "Does that not tell you something about us, about yourself? You don't let people in and yet here we are. We kissed and I haven't felt like that in such a long time and I know you haven't either. Are we just supposed to ignore that?"
Yoongi sighs and rubs his temples. Why do they always end up doing this? "You said it yourself, how do you know you really want me? If I remind you of her so much, how do you know that you want just me? You're just looking for a distraction, and sometimes we get attached to things that are familiar, you know? You just don't realize that's what you're doing."
Taehyung's face falls and Yoongi doesn't miss the way he swallows hard before parting his lips as if to refute. He quickly snaps his mouth shut and takes a deep breath. "You're not her. I know that. And I'm not trying to make you into her. I want you because I respect you, because you're strong and resilient and you're all the things I couldn't be when I was going through my own problems."
Yoongi feels a pang of guilt upon hearing the confession. He thinks of the email he received about the surgery that started this whole thing. How he's too much of a coward to tell his father just to fuck off. How he's too ashamed and embarrassed to tell his best friend and now Taehyung. "I'm not as perfect as you think I am."
"I never said you were," the nurse counters. "I just said that you are you, and to me, that's enough."
Scoffing, Yoongi rolls his eyes. "Why the fuck do you always sound like a male lead in a drama?"
"I'm just charming." Taehyung smiles and runs his hands through his hair as if posing for a closeup.
"No, you're a demon put on this earth to tempt me."
The nurse giggles and visibly relaxes. "You're always so funny, hyung. I like that."
And then Taehyung is staring at him from across the table, all googly eyes and shy, boxy grins, warm and bright and everything Yoongi doesn't deserve. Jimin's words echo in his head about giving the nurse a chance and not shutting himself off but it's so hard when reality is right there in front of them, mere days and a contract termination away.
Yoongi knows all the reasons he listed earlier are right. There's just no winning in this situation, but then Taehyung is looking at him like that with hope in his round eyes, reaching over to tangle their fingers together. How the fuck is he so calm? How can he just ignore what's coming?
"Hyung, if you think it won't work, why don't you let time decide that?"
Groaning, Yoongi resists the urge to bash his head onto the table. "I don't believe you. How can you honestly ask that after everything you've been through? Are you not afraid of losing someone else?"
At this, the glimmer in the nurse's eyes dulls a bit, but he's still smiling, so resilient. Yoongi has never known such an emotion despite his tough facade.
"Of course I'm terrified of that, but I've been living in fear for three years of my life, probably even before that when she first told me about the cancer, but I'm just... tired," Taehyung admits, squeezing his patient's hand. "Before this job, I had just me and Yeontan and a future filled with endless days of the same thing over and over. But you changed that. And it sounds stupid, but I'm not willing to go back."
Dumbfounded, Yoongi stares at this man whose bleeding heart is on his sleeve just waiting for Yoongi to reach out and tear it apart. He realizes now that that's the difference between them— Where Taehyung sees opportunity to move forward, Yoongi only sees the past circling down the drain like the contents of his stomach after a bad hit of drugs. His life may be different now, but he's still that same man who would rather punish himself before anyone else got to him first.
"I can't promise you anything," he finally says, feeling the words go sour in his mouth. He wishes they were different, wishes he could convince his mind that there was more than one way to live.
But for now, this would have to do.
Taehyung stares at their intertwined hands before looking up with warmth in his eyes. "Then I'll take what I can get."
The conversation stalls out then, and before long they are back in the park, passing by the same playground that had sparked Yoongi's confession about his childhood the last time they were here. The nurse pauses on the sidewalk and leans down to whisper in Yoongi's ear.
"Let's play here, hyung."
"This again? Remember when you suggested the race and I yelled at you because I can't walk?"
Taehyung laughs. "Remember when I convinced you anyway?" He's leaning over the chair to place his face right next to Yoongi's, grinning like an idiot. It's a testament to how trusting Yoongi has become, because he doesn't immediately say no to the ridiculous idea.
"Fuck you, little demon spawn," he murmurs instead.
And despite Yoongi's reluctance, Taehyung convinces him anyway, and the night finds Yoongi being pushed down the long metal slide more times than he can count. He's honestly surprised that he can fit, but since his legs are atrophied, it works quite nicely.
Taehyung is laughing like a thrilled child each time he sets Yoongi up on the slide only to push him down. Each time that his patient lands with a soft thud on the grass, Taehyung runs to the bottom to pick him up, still showcasing that boxy grin.
As the nurse carries him to the top once more, cradling him in his arms, Yoongi looks up to find Taehyung's face illuminated by the moonlight, all shadows and sharp contrast and it reminds him of the shadows on the walls of his bedroom late at night when he's all alone and steeping in self-loathing. He's come to hate those shadows, those ever-present angles, but Taehyung's face—
Taehyung's face, he could see for the rest of his life and never resent it.
—————
Ok, so they may be delirious with sleep deprivation, but Taehyung can't find it in himself to regret the late— or early— hour. It's just after three am— or is it four?— and after their fun at the park, Yoongi started complaining about being hungry again. So here they are, outside a convenience store shoving pastries in their mouths and washing them down with melon soda.
"This is so fucking good," Yoongi groans, licking the frosting off his fingers. "I would've never picked either of this shit to try."
"The cheese in the pastry balances out the sweetness of the melon in the soda," Taehyung explains with a satisfied smack of his lips. "Perfection."
Yoongi lets out a little burp but doesn't bother to excuse himself for it. "How do you figure this shit out anyway? Honestly, most of the shit you do is so weird."
"Hey," the nurse snaps, pouting. "I'm unique, not weird."
Yoongi snorts, almost inhaling up the last dregs of his soda. He points behind the nurse back towards the store. "Speaking of unique, they have a machine with fake tattoos. Thought you bought all of them in the whole city."
"There's not that much space on my body, hyung. I couldn't fit them all last time, but I definitely tried." Taehyung tosses a pastry wrapper in the trash and cocks an eyebrow. "Why? You going to challenge me again?"
"Fuck, no. I don't think I can take the sight of you covered in those hideous things again."
"It wasn't that bad!"
"You looked like you just got out of a prison filled with preschoolers," Yoongi deadpans, his eyes narrowed to near slits.
Taehyung feigns offense before squaring his shoulders. "Ok, look, some of them were juvenile, but some fake tattoos can look cool."
"That's bullshit."
"I'll prove it!"
They wind up back inside the store, staring at the machine's display of tattooed offerings. Yoongi thinks they are all ridiculous, but at least they're not as childish as some he's seen— these are clearly meant to emulate "gangster" tattoos and the artwork isn't half bad.
"This one is cool," Taehyung muses, pointing to a roaring tiger, stretched out and reaching out to claw something in front of him. "Or this one." The nurse taps the glass and Yoongi laughs at the design. It's a lone wolf in front of a silhouette of a forest, complete with a huge full moon.
"I'm getting cheesy werewolf vibes from that one," Yoongi admits, smiling and looking over to Taehyung with a shine in his eye. It's hard not to think of him as beautiful, especially in this moment.
"I like it," Taehyung exclaims proudly. "Reminds me of you— Well, you said your dad called you 'Songwol' and this has both trees and a moon, so...."
When Yoongi's jovial expression falters, the nurse is quick to curse himself for the comment.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
But instead of shutting down, Yoongi simply lets out a disbelieving chuckle and crosses his arms. "Do I also remind you of a pouty wolf?"
Relieved, Taehyung nods. "Actually, yes. So it's perfect."
"The only way I would put that on my body is if you put—" Yoongi leans over and points to a tattoo— "this on you."
The nurse squints as he peers inside the case. "It's a butterfly!" he protests.
"You're a free spirt, Taehyung-ah." Yoongi looks so smug, sitting there and smirking. "It's perfect. Unless you're... scared?"
"So that's how you want to do this," Taehyung fires back cheekily before getting a wicked idea of his own. "Alright, it's a deal, but I have a demand of my own. We get to pick where each other's tattoos go."
Yoongi blinks for a few seconds, then he grins. "Deal."
Taehyung hopes he doesn't regret this.
——————-
Of all the places Yoongi could've chosen for Taehyung's tattoo, he chose the strangest place.
"The nape of my neck?" he questions back at the apartment, sitting in Yoongi's room. Yeontan is ignoring him in favor of curling up in his patient's lap.
Yoongi is holding a wet cloth in his hand while the nurse preps the fake tattoo. They both can't seem to stop giggling. "Yeah, that way everyone can see how pretty it is when your hair is up in its little ponytail."
"I thought you hated the ponytail," Taehyung counters with a knowing smirk.
"I don't know, I may like it now." Yoongi grumbles this under his breath, and the nurse doesn't comment on it because suddenly, Yoongi is next to him, telling him to turn around on the bed so he can reach his neck.
And just like that, the tattoo is applied and Taehyung is now the proud owner of a vibrant blue butterfly. He grimaces at the thought of getting it off his skin eventually— He absolutely hates scrubbing the things off with baby oil.
"Alright, now it's my turn to put yours on," he declares eagerly, rubbing his hands together like a villain for effect.
Yoongi groans but resigns himself to his fate. "Anywhere but my face. Just like we agreed."
"Yeah, yeah."
"And not my ass!"
"But it's cute." Taehyung flushes immediately after the words leave his mouth— an unconscious response.
Yoongi merely blinks at him in disbelief before cackling. "How the fuck did you ever think you were straight?"
Delirious, Taehyung breaks out in hearty laughter and shrugs animatedly. "I have no clue. I guess no ass was good enough until it was your ass."
This earns even more giggling from his patient and soon Yoongi is doubled over in his chair, mouth wide in a gummy grin that has Taehyung's stomach practically flipping inside his body.
Once they catch their breath, the nurse holds up the wolf tattoo and leers. "I think I'm going to put it on your...... hip," he finishes, watching his patient carefully for a reaction. He's thought about this and it's a practical place— not embarrassingly visible but still considered "cool". That and Yoongi's hips are.... nice.
"My hip?" Yoongi lifts up his shirt and points at the exposed skin above his waistband. "Like here?"
Taehyung eyes the expanse of flesh, though he's seen it dozens of times by now. He likes that Yoongi is so toned, his pale skin nearly flawless. He looks so soft yet masculine in an enthralling way. The nurse has never known the two to coexist within someone but he's beginning to understand a lot of new things now.
"Lower," he drawls out, resisting the urge to bite his lip at the sight.
What is he doing? This is moving too fast, right? They had just agreed to see where things lead and Yoongi is still so hesitant, but—
With a coy glance, Yoongi pushes his pants down just a little. "Here?"
"Lower.... right over your pelvic bone."
Yoongi sucks in a deep breath at that. "I'll have to be nude."
"I-I know."
"Is... that ok with you?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Taehyung retorts with a chuckle. He feels strangely light and giddy, anticipating what could come next. He doesn't want to be too forward, but he's been watching Yoongi all night, thinking things he really has no right to...
Yoongi shrugs nonchalantly, but there's a waver in his voice that betrays him. "I'm ok with it. I mean, you've seen me naked before, so..."
And that's how Taehyung finds himself straddling his patient on the bed, Yoongi's pants and underwear pushed down to his thighs while Taehyung wipes off the intended area for the tattoo with the wet cloth. He tries to focus on the task at hand, but it's strangely difficult and he can only blame his newly-realized sexuality for it. That, and Yoongi is actually pretty in every sense of the word. It's hard not to compare him to Yoonji even when his brain is screaming incessantly at him to stop making the comparison.
Yoongi has the same milky skin, the soft, lean curves, and the petite thighs that Taehyung had absolutely adored. He still remembers his first time with Yoonji, fumbling and awkward as it was. He remembers being terrified that the condom would break or that his grandfather would drive all the way out into the pasture to find them defiling the back of his favorite truck.
None of those things happened of course, but what he remembers the most with such tangible detail is the way Yoonji had looked up at him from underneath soft lashes, the way her small body shuddered when he first ran his hand up her bare inner thigh, the feeling of all that skin underneath his fingertips.
But this moment is vastly different.
Taehyung has already touched Yoongi, kissed him, felt this man, but he wants so much more.
More than what he had with Yoonji— he curses as he thinks the blasphemous thought— because Yoongi is here and he's so different, so surprising, so human and fragile and Taehyung feels like he can get lost in the ocean of those dark eyes. Feels himself drowning in waves of sensation whenever that gaze lands on him, much like it does now.
"It's cold," Yoongi says, referring to the cloth that the nurse just used on him.
"I have to clean the area first," the nurse explains before peeling off the front cover of the fake tattoo and positioning it on Yoongi's skin. "That look good?"
Gazing down at Taehyung's hands, Yoongi bites his bottom lip and nods. Those eyes then flicker up again and Taehyung sees it— the want, the desire. The first time he saw such a thing in another person's eyes, it was clouded over with teenage apprehension, worries about the future, and the stress of schoolwork.
But this— This is something far more mature, something deep and passionate, asking for permission to consume.
And though Taehyung has thought of Yoongi as "pretty" and "beautiful", he has yet to think of him as a purely sexual being, though this moment has descended upon him like a relentless heavy rain.
Before, when he had given Yoongi a massage, things had turned erotic rather quickly, and still Taehyung had been acting upon the desire to make the other feel wanted, feel good. This time, he can feel his own arousal simmering heavy in his gut as he gazes upon his patient.
Yoongi is sprawled out before him, nude from the waist down, his shirt riding high on his toned stomach with his hands playing with hem. His head rests back against the pillows, black hair fanning out over the fabric and falling over his eyes. That gaze is so heavy-lidded and piercing, daring the nurse to let go.
And below all of that is the part of Yoongi that Taehyung has never viewed with vulgarity until this moment— his pink cock tucked beneath a thatch of black, curly hair.
Swallowing hard, Taehyung presses the tattoo into his patient's skin, then places the wet cloth over it like the instructions require. He waits the appropriate amount of time and then peels off the paper backing to reveal the wolf now impressed onto Yoongi's skin.
"It looks good," he tells his patient, running a finger over the design.
"Yeah?" Yoongi props himself up to look. "I could kind of feel your hands. The pressure."
"Really?" For some reason, the nurse's hands begin to shake with anxiety.
"Yeah, I feel a lot of things, now... with you."
Taehyung chest constricts; his heart begins to race. "Me too."
A heartbeat passes and the nurse decides to just go for it. After all, he can feel the tension in the air. They both want this again.
"Can I kiss it?"
Yoongi blinks once, twice, and then answers, "yes."
Leaning down, Taehyung presses his lips to the lone wolf, the symbol of Yoongi in his head, and closes his eyes. He breathes in and out, feels the texture beneath his lips for the second time since he met this man and he nearly jumps when Yoongi's hand winds into his hair.
"Harder," Yoongi requests, his voice soft and breathy. "So I can feel it."
Taehyung's heart thunders in his chest as he makes his kiss firmer, almost bruising, and Yoongi responds by gasping loudly, his hand tightening in the nurse's hair.
"Tae... Fuck, please, Tae."
When he looks up at his patient, Taehyung's lips drag over the skin, eliciting another breathy sigh from above. "Tell me how," he pleads. "Tell me how to make you feel me."
Yoongi's response comes in the form of tugging on the nurse's hair until Taehyung is forced to crawl up his patient's body. They are close now— face to face, chest to chest. Yoongi runs his fingers through Taehyung's hair and down the nape of his neck, feeling the butterfly tattoo there.
"Kiss me like you do," Yoongi requests, voice breathy and low. "Like the last time."
Amazing, Taehyung thinks, that this is the same man that curses and frowns, chainsmokes when stressed, and used to degrade himself on a nightly basis. The same man who Namjoon had found curled up on the floor in college, high out of his mind. The same man who acts defiant yet terrified before his verbally abusive father.
"How are you real?" Taehyung finds himself asking out loud, his voice filled with a strange wonder. "Where have you been?"
He really wants to know. Because he honestly thought that maybe Yoongi was somehow an impossible extension of Yoonji, but he's not. He's his own person, his own wonderfully complex being wrapped up in the face of someone Taehyung thought was the only one for him.
How terribly wrong he had been and he's never been more thankful for it.
Yoongi seems confused by the question but then he laughs with that gummy grin and answers, "right fucking here. It's not like I can go anywhere."
And that is the most Yoongi thing that Taehyung has ever heard.
He leans in to steal a kiss.
——————-
There was a time in Yoongi's life when he had wanted to be a musician. Not the kind his parents would've hoped for when they forced piano lessons on him at a young age.
No, Yoongi much preferred the flow of lyrics, the language play, and the deep introspection of melody. He once had a notebook that he filled with words, with his thoughts and feelings that he hoped might one day turn into songs.
As fate would have it, that never happened, but a lyrical brain isn't something so easily replaced and he often finds himself waxing poetic in his head over moments that take his breath away. A lot of those worn pages had contained literal sonnets about Jimin, about the sunsets of Daegu, about the small feeling of being in a city as big as Seoul.
But right now, he has no pen and paper, just his ceaseless thoughts flowing through his head as Taehyung's mouth descends upon him. The nurse kisses his neck, hot breath clinging to skin, sharp cologne filling his senses. There are hands moving under Yoongi's shirt, ghosting over his stomach, up further until a finger dares to brush over a nipple.
Yoongi recalls the way Taehyung had described the kind of sex he believed his patient deserved over dinner on their "date". He remembers the nurse flushing crimson, but speaking confidently, as if he knew what he was doing.
He certainly does.
Taehyung takes his time kissing his neck, running his lips over every inch of skin while his tongue comes out to taste, to lick the salt off the reddening flesh. He nibbles on Yoongi, moaning in that deep register every so often before hissing a breath through his teeth, as if it's difficult for him to reign his desire in.
Yoongi figures that it's probably maddening to go slow like this, but he doesn't know how to go to the next step without fear. He doesn't want Taehyung to pity him. He wants to give the nurse just as much pleasure as he's receiving, but there's no way he's capable of that in the state he's in. All Yoongi could do is lie there and take it, which he was willing to do with a stranger, but not Taehyung.
Taehyung is—
Leaving bruises on his supple skin, sucking his way down to Yoongi's collarbones while he pushes his patient's shirt up and over his head. He then resumes his passionate marking, pulling the skin near Yoongi's nipple with a gentle tug of his teeth before blowing on the abused area coolly.
Shivering, Yoongi bucks against the bed with his upper body, head falling back as his eyes flutter at the sensation. The thrashing doesn't stop when the nurse descends further, his strong hands gripping Yoongi's waist to lift his lower half up until his patient is arching off the bed and into Taehyung's eager mouth which bites and sucks and pulls the most obscene sounds out of Yoongi.
Yoongi has been fucked before, but he's never felt like this. He's had the most depraved things done to his body, but he's never felt like this, so aware, so sensitive.
He had wanted to be a musician, but now he is the instrument and Taehyung is playing him, making music from his body so effortlessly. He feels suspended in the air, with only the nurse's strong grip to save him from plummeting back down to earth.
There's a steady pressure growing in his groin, the first signs of a strong arousal stirring and Yoongi hopes he can cum like this. He wants to cum for Taehyung, to let the man know that his efforts aren't wasted on him even though they aren't traditionally making love.
Slowly, Taehyung lowers him back down to the bed and then their lips are meeting, mouths insistent against one another; their hands find each other's faces. The nurse kisses like he lives, free and wild and beautifully different. Yoongi has never experienced anything quite like the way Taehyung worships his mouth, tasting him deeply and thoroughly before pulling back to simply share the same air, feel each other's lips so close yet not close enough. Then they're at it again, stealing breath away only to give it back.
"What else do you want?" Taehyung questions, pulling back to gasp for air and nuzzle his head into Yoongi's shoulder while he pants.
Over the last four years, Yoongi has had time to imagine all the ways he could stimulate himself sexually, how different things would have to be for him to have sex in his condition, and one thing he understands now is that sufficient mental stimulation helps immensely. It's why he has Jimin help him out the way he does, and it's why he dares to speak his mind now.
"I want to feel your cock on my skin."
Taehyung looks up at this, hovering over Yoongi with both thick eyebrows shot up in surprise.
Laughing as he tries to regain some breath, Yoongi's hands find the waistband of Taehyung's jeans and he tugs on it playfully. "Take out your cock and put it on me."
The nurse hesitates for a moment, but then he's sitting up and popping the button of his pants. He does pause however, to pull his shirt over his head and rid Yoongi's lower half of the rest of his clothes. Taehyung doesn't remove his own pants though; he simply unzips them and pulls his cock out of his underwear, flushed and rigid.
Yoongi gapes at the sight, having been devoid of sexual contact for so long. He likes the way Taehyung is long rather than thick; it's a nice contrast to Yoongi's large girth, which the nurse seems to notice when he looks down.
"You're... hard." He sounds surprised.
"It still works, you know," Yoongi teases with an eye roll.
The nurse flushes crimson."Y-Yeah, but, it's... me."
Oh, so Taehyung thinks he's unattractive?
That must be fixed.
Yoongi settles back on the bed and touches himself though he can't feel it. "I'm going to cum because of you, Taehyung."
The bold words have their intended effect and the nurse blushes furiously while leaning forward again. Slowly, tentatively, he places his arousal on Yoongi's stomach and the elder jerks at the sensation of the warm, slick appendage sliding across his flesh. Taehyung is throbbing, leaking onto his skin, and the feeling is unparalleled.
Yoongi throws his head back and groans from deep within his chest. He wishes he could use his legs to kick out restlessly, to wrap them around the other's waist and curl his toes. But he can do none of those things, so he reacts in the best way he can, moaning obscenely while grasping at the bedsheets.
"Yoongi.... touch me."
Blinking through the sudden wave of arousal, Yoongi looks down at his stomach, at Taehyung's flushed cock just sitting there glistening with want against his pale skin. It's such a erotic and dirty sight, but oddly beautiful in an abstract way— a symbol that Yoongi is still desirable, that he's still allowed to be sexual though he may be disabled.
The nurse has himself fisted in his hand and he begins to drag his cock along Yoongi's stomach, slowly as to make sure his patient can feel every glide of the tip, the prominent veins in the shaft. His dark eyes glance up to lock with Yoongi's and then he's reaching over to gently grab a pale hand. "Yoongi, please touch me, tell me you want me," he pleads.
"Fuck, Tae, I want you. Of course I want—" his words fall short whenever his fingers come into contact with Taehyung's cock. It feels so good in his hand, so hot and heavy and it twitches when he begins to move, stroking from base to tip.
Immediately, Taehyung curses, nearly doubling over, but he manages to keep himself upright as Yoongi fondles him further, working up a consistent pace. Sweat breaks out along the nurse's strong brow and he opens his mouth to pant and moan the longer the sensation is drawn out for.
"F-Fuck, hyung..."
"I don't think I've ever heard you say that word before," Yoongi teases, though he's nearly as breathless, wrist working overtime to pleasure the other man. He can feel the pressure in his own pelvis now, knows he's fully erect and probably leaking, and he focuses on how fucking good it feels in his mind to be in this situation, to be sexy and to have someone looking at him like that.
To have someone like Taehyung looking at him like that.
"I try not to say it," the nurse gasps out. He has to fall onto his hands now, hovering over his patient and slowly thrusting his hips into Yoongi's hand.
"Mmm, why? I say 'fuck' all the time." Yoongi purposefully slows his hand to tease.
"Because— agh— I don't want my patients to think I'm— god, yes— too vulgar."
Yoongi has to cackle at that. "Tae, your patient is jerking you off right now."
"Fuck, I know." Taehyung is nearly trembling now. "I'm so... dirty."
Grinning, Yoongi continues to get his nurse off, using his long fingers to stroke and massage. "I like it when you're dirty," he drawls, looking right into the other man's eyes. "Can you cum for me, Taehyung-ah?"
"Want to... but you— I want you to cum to."
Yoongi falters for a moment. "I know what I said earlier, but I don't know if I really can—"
"You've cum before," Taehyung argues. "I saw it all over your underwear. Please. I just— I want to make you feel good."
Shame and guilt flush Yoongi's face and he nearly panics, feeling the same urge to run that he always does when confronted with his shortcomings. But that had gotten them nowhere in the past and he doesn't want that sort of rocky, half-assed relationship with Taehyung anymore.
"It will take a lot," he admits in a whisper.
The nurse looks up, still groaning from Yoongi's attention to his cock. "I— I don't care. Tell me what to do. Tell me what you need."
Yoongi hesitates, caught up in the desperation pouring from Taehyung, but then he's growing more bold. "I want.... to feel you like this and... I want to know what you would do to me if you could."
The fire in the nurse's eyes wavers for a heartbeat before he's crawling forward to kiss Yoongi passionately, all teeth and lips and spit and then he's leaning down to whisper in the elder's ear.
From this angle, it's more difficult to keep stroking Taehyung, but Yoongi won't give up. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, forgetting everything but Taehyung's voice in his ear and his cock in his hand.
"I want to make it good for you, hyung. I want you to feel me in you so deep, so fucking good that you won't be able to hold yourself back," the nurse whispers between grunts. "I want to hear my name coming from your mouth over and over again. I want you to scratch my back up and suck bruises into my skin. I want to never forget the taste of your lips on mine. But the thing I want to do the most, is to see you cum because of us, because there's nothing in the world like feeling my body on yours."
"Tae..."
He really doesn't know what does it— the way Taehyung's cock begins spurting hot white ropes of cum into his fist, clinging to his fingers before falling onto his stomach, or the way his deep, rich voice croons into his ear, every syllable dripping with a hint of Daegu satoori, so breathily whispered, so sincere.
The vision is so potent that he can see it in his mind's eye.
Yoongi can envision himself on his back, legs wrapped around Taehyung as the man thrusts into him, slow but deep, a consistent grind that has both of them hissing through their teeth from such stimulation. He sees his toes curling, feet flexing, head arching back. Can see the muscle in the nurse's back working as he moves, can see the sweat dripping off his brow. Can see the long column of Taehyung's throat, so thick and masculine, down to his chest, the planes of his smooth stomach, in contrast with Yoongi's petite and toned frame. He can almost hear their skin slapping together, the rustle of the sheets, the stuttered curses and whispered sentiments. Can almost feel the sensation of the slide deep within, the way he clenches around Taehyung, drawing him into his body with every push and pull.
He can almost feel the building climax in his groin, the twitching in his cock—
Then Yoongi is actually feeling his cock explode between them, pumping stream after stream of cum all over Taehyung's unbuttoned pants and Yoongi's stomach. He gasps loudly at the overwhelming sensation, his eyes widening in shock before they begin to roll back into his head as he sucks in air.
The nurse is quick to soothe him, asking if he's ok, if he needs anything, but Yoongi is so high up that he can't possibly come back down.
Not now, when he just made love for the first time in his twenty-five years of life.
——————
"Hello, this is— Well, it's hard to say. I'm looking for a Kim Taehyung? From Daegu. This is— shit. Look, never mind. Just—- don't call back please. I'm sorry."
Taehyung doesn't recognize the number or the man in the voicemail, but something nags at his mind, even in the dead of night with Yoongi sleeping peacefully next to him, that maybe he knows this man.
Maybe.... but it's late and it's probably nothing more than a scam call. So he turns off his phone and pulls Yoongi back into his arms, satisfied.
Nothing could possibly ruin this.
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