Kabanata 19
Sensitive topics will be mentioned. Kindly put trigger warnings if you are posting and please read at your risk.
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Kabanata 19
I felt like I was brought up above then got drop in the air without any warnings. My heart thundered, mabilis akong napatingin kay Sol na nakaigting ang panga at matalim ang malamig na mga mata.
My heart raced more. Not even a word got out of my lips despite the thousands of questions inside my head.
"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" the confirmation on Sol's words made me tremble.
What... the... fuck?
"Just visiting?" Mila shrugged, smiling ridiculously sweetly at Sol, her eyes' twinkling and I know for sure I don't want petty fights for boys but right now? Gusto kong dukutin ang mata niya.
"Magkakilala kayo?" Emma asked, her eyes now on Mila's.
"Ah, yes, cousin." It was Leah who answered and like she's enjoying the scene, sipped on her wine. "She's Fritz's mother."
"M-Mother?" I saw how terrified the look on Emma's face is and for the first time, it mirrored mine. "Paano..."
Ni hindi ako nililingon ni Sol, ang kanyang malamig na mata ay nakatuon lang kay Mila na ngiting-ngiti.
"Anong kailangan mo?" I have never heard tone that hard and angry from him before.
"I'm just visiting, is it wrong?" ngumisi si Mila, "I was just merely asking how's our daughter—"
"She isn't fucking yours." Sol's jaw clenched. "Walang sa 'yo, sa akin lang si Fritz."
"Hey!" mahinhing tumawa ang huli, "are you the only one here who made our little Fritzy? Oh, damn it, Sol. I could still remember—"
"Mila!" I hissed under my breath, the heat spreading on my cheeks, enraged.
"Oh, come on! I was just visiting! Why is everyone mad at me?!" sumimangot siya pero ang pang-uuyam pa rin ay nasa mga mata.
"Hindi ako nakikipaglokohan sa 'yo," Sol said in a stern and calculated voice. "Umalis ka rito. Wala kang karapatang tawaging anak si Fritzy!"
Sol's palm is in fist. He was almost trembling in anger and I was so tempted to take his hand to calm him down but I couldn't. I was still processing everything like Emma. She was gapping at us.
"Oh, sweety. Let me remind you I carried that stupid kid for months tapos sasabihin mong hindi—"
"Wala kang karapatang maging ina pagkatapos ng ginawa mo! Sinong ina ang iiwan ang bata na parang wala lang?! Sabihin mo, sino?! Hindi estupida ang anak ko kagaya mo!" Sol's voice thundered. Mila took a step back in fear but masked it with mockery after.
"Why not?" laban niya kay Sol. "I could definitely kill the kid but I showed mercy—"
"Anong sabi mo?" he asked hardly. I shivered with the coldness and anger laced in it.
"I said I have the chance to kill that stupid kid but didn't! It almost ended my fucking career, Solomon! But I showed mercy! Now, do your part and take care of that kid! You should thank me for having that kid! I gave birth and you take care of her! Tayong dalawa ang may gawa sa kanya kaya h'wag kang umastang wala kang parte!"
"May parte ako?" my breath hitched when he pulled Mila's arm. She yelped.
"A-Ano ba, nasasaktan ako!"
"Hindi ako nagsisising nand'yan si Fritz pero h'wag mong kakalimutan ang ginawa mo sa 'kin," his grip tightened on her arm.
"A-Ano ba... Leah!" she gasped and glanced at Leah who avoided her gaze, as if terrified.
Mas lalo akong naguluhan.
"Wala ako sa sarili pero alam ko ang ginawa mo. Nilasing mo 'ko, baka nakakalimutan mo." Mariin at galit na galit na sinabi ni Sol, nagbabaga ang tingin sa kanya. "H'wag mong kakalimutan kung paano mo pinagsamantalahan ang kalasingan na 'yon..."
My heart dropped. My eyes watered as I covered my mouth in shock.
Oh, good Lord...
"Y-You..." Mila trembled, her eyes watered, too. "You liked it, too!"
"Gusto ko? Sigurado kang gusto ko?!" he screamed in frustration, shaking her. "Sabihin mo, sigurado kang gusto ko?!"
Mila whined, her mockery fading entirely this time with his anger.
My eyes got stuck on her, my chest seething in anger.
This bitch!
"Sol..." I called gently. Marahan akong naglakad palapit sa kanya, kinakabahan man na madamay sa galit niya at ginawa pa rin.
I touched his arm, caressing it gently.
"Sol..." tawag kong muli at nakita ko kung kahit paano'y kumalma siya. "Let go of her, come on... she's not worth it..."
Mila's eyes are still wide, terrified but she was shock and angry when she heard me.
What? Huh, you expect me to leave Sol and Fritzy after knowing you are the bitch of a mother? No. Never. Not in your wildest dreams I'd let you take my Sol and Fritzy from me.
Hindi ko na pinansin ang mariing titig ni Mila.
"Hey, baby," mas hinaplos ko ang braso niya hanggang sa marahas na binitawan niya ang braso ni Mila.
"H'wag na h'wag kang lalapit sa anak ko. Walang karapatang maging ina ang kagaya mo. Mas naging ina pa ang iba kaysa sa 'yo," mariing turan ni Sol at sinulyapan ako.
His eyes softened a bit when he caught my sight.
"Sorry, Sib," bumuntonghininga siya at inabot ang daliri ko para pagsaklupin. "Tara na."
He gently pulled me to go. Laking pasalamat ko at abala ang mga tao sa sayawan sa may mismong stage kaya walang nakakapansin ng komosyon namin dito sa may labasan.
I could still feel Sol's rage the way he was gripping my hand, as if he was taking some energy and strength from me and I'd willingly give it to him.
"I see that you two took it to the next level! Nice one, Sibyl!" I froze when I heard Leah's taunting voice.
My heart thumped harshly. The confusion once again laced on Sol's face, glancing at me.
"Kilala mo sila?" I wished he didn't notice but he fucking did.
Mas dinaga ang puso ko sa kaba.
"T-They're my... they're my ex-friends." Maikling sinabi ko lang, "let's go..." ako na ang humila kay Sol.
"Oh, come on, Sib!" Mila's voice called, "how can you turn your back at us now? The bet's over! We can all see you won! How 'bout your prize?"
Muli kong hinila si Sol pero hindi ko nagawa dahil sa natigilan din siya. Nilingon ko siya at napaayos ng tayo nang makita ang mga tanong sa kanyang tingin sa akin.
"Anong sinasabi nila, Sibyl?" mahinahon niyang sabi.
My eyes watered, nervous and pained.
"N-No..." umiling ako at humigpit ang hawak sa kamay niya. "Let's talk about it later, 'kay? For now, let's just leave—"
"Stop acting so innocent now, Sibyl!" Mila called, "tell him!"
Nagmamakaawa ang mga mata ko nang sulyapan si Sol. I shook my head at him, trying hard not to show much emotion but failed otherwise.
"Don't listen to them, let's go," I tugged his hand to pull him but he didn't move. Tila nahulog ang puso ko nang sa halip ay hinila niya ang kamay mula sa akin at ipinikit ang mata niya.
"S-Sol..."
"Anong pustahan?" kalmado pero punong-puno ng diin niyang tanong at nang magmulat ng mata ay nabakas ko na ang bagsik doon.
I fisted my palm, my stomach churned.
"Wala..." umiling ako at kinuyom ang kamay. "They're just trying to ruin us—"
"Anong pustahan, Sibyl?" the way my name glided on his tongue is sharp. Hindi iyon sigaw pero ang diin ay sapat na para umugong ang damdamin.
My breath hitched when I realized how serious he is while staring at me, his jaw tightened.
"Sol..." umiling ako, ang malambing na mata ay tumitig sa kanya. I moved closer and tried taking his hand but he took a step back from me.
"H'wag..." umiling siya, mariin ang tono. He lifted his finger in the air to warm me to stop from walking. "Anong pustahan?"
My eyes watered. I bit my lower lip and heaved a deep sigh to explain myself when we both heard a familiar voice in the background.
"To hell with that," my voice laughed blankly, "I like western boys, girls. I won't settle for a mere probinsyano."
I got frozen on the ground, my eyes went immediately to the girls. Mila grinned and walked closer to us with Leah, the phone's on her hand with my voice.
No... No...
"I don't like poor boys!" I spat, "you know my taste, girls. If I'd be in a relationship again—which I think was impossible now because of that stunt James made—I won't settle for someone just like him. Hindi pa nakakapagtapos 'yong tao. S'yempre, kung magkaka-boyfriend akong muli doon na sa sigurado ako."
"D-Don't believe it, Sol," napunta ang tingin ko kay Sol na nakatitig sa akin, ang mga mata'y blangko. "Don't... please..."
"Let's bet for fun!"
"Stop it!" I gasped loudly and ran towards Mila to get her phone but she moved hastily. I tripped on my gown and fell on the ground.
"Make him fall for you and make him confess his love without falling, Sib! Mananalo ka kapag nagustuhan ka niyang 'di mo siya nagugustuhan and it is our win if you fell for him instead."
"Wouldn't it be unfair?" I said, "ako tapos kayong dalawa?"
"Stop it!" I screamed loudly, "Mila! Stop it!"
"Then we can give both our bets to you and you can give us one, para sa aming dalawa na. Beneficial to sa 'yo! Isa lang kapag natalo ka para sa aming dalawa na tapos dalawa galing sa amin sa 'yo kapag nanalo ka."
"What's the prize, then?" I chuckled in the record, amused.
I was horrified hearing the amused laugh from me. I am fucking amused. Terror filled my chest painfully, shaking my head.
"It's not..." umiling ako at nagpumilit tumayo, "S-Sol, hindi 'to kagaya ng iniisip m-mo..."
"Anything!" Mila answered, "oh, we can give you your bags of choice and you can give us, hmm? What? Maybe some of your jewelries from France? Ikaw bahala." She offered.
"I really won't fall for him," I insisted.
The pain filled the hollow of Sol's orbs. Mas naging madilim iyon at binasa ang labi niya.
"I asked Sibyl to look after you and our daughter, Sol," ani Mila. Natigilan ako at namilog ang mata sa kanya.
"Liar!" I screamed, "Sol... Sol, don't listen to her!"
"You've heard it yourself, Sol," ani Mila. "You think this woman posing now and wanting to be our daughter's mother is innocent? She's like the rest of us..."
Umiling ako, nagmamakaawang tumitig kay Sol. Umaasang paniwalaan niya ako pero hindi siya nagpakita ni isang emosyon para panatagin ako.
"I let her know about our daughter. She knew Fritzy's ours..."
"No!" I screamed, "no! I didn't! Sol, believe me! I-I only found out because you two are alike and I-I have nothing against it! You knew it!"
Bahagyang lumambot ang tingin ni Sol pero naglaho rin kaagad sa sunod na sinabi ni Mila.
"Who's even on their right mind to accept someone else's child?" ani Mila, "well, unless if she agreed to join our fun little game."
"Sinungaling ka!" sigaw ko, nangingilid ang luha sa galit sa puso. Tinulak ko ang kamay ko para makatayo at susugurin na sana si Mila pero may mabilis na humila sa braso ko. I sneered when I saw Leah.
"I feel so bad not recording everything. I wasn't even expecting this at all, you know? Leah and I are expecting Sibyl would walk away with us after our fun little experiment para malaman gaano kauto-uto ang mga taong walang pinag-aralan kagaya mo."
"Mila!" sigaw ko at tinulak si Leah pero sa panghihina'y 'di magawang tuluyang mapalaayo sa akin. "S-Sol, don't listen! Don't! Baby, please! D-Don't..."
Desperado kong inilingan si Sol, lalo na nang makita ko ang panunubig ng mata niya't mas pag-igting the panga.
"But now, she wanted to play safe! See?" she chuckled mockingly and pointed me. "Acting like she's no part in this to have your mercy. She agreed! Sa tingin mo, bakit siya biglang babait matapos niyang pahiyain sa Fritzy sa pagsasayaw?"
I desperately shook my head, begging for Sol to believe me but he wasn't showing much emotion.
"Shut up..." malamig na sinabi ni Sol.
"No, you listen to me, Sol." She smiled, "I was concern of you, of course. I wanted the best for you and our daughter. Tutal naman at sirang-sira na ako sa 'yo, let me just spill more about this new woman of yours. What? She'd like to mother Fritzy? Funny because she agreed to the bet, you've heard it, right? She asked about the prize?"
Sumulyap sa akin si Mila, "she just won a luxury bag! Congrats, Sibyl!"
"Sol! No!" nanghihinang napaiyak na ako, naninikip ang dibdib sa nakikitang ekspresyon sa kanya.
"She knew what she came here. Check on you and Fritz and play that silly heart of yours and see if you'll fall like an idiot." Tumawa si Mila nang makita ang paglandas ng luha sa pisngi ni Sol. "Oh, damn hell... you did?!"
I cried silently, walang lakas para matulak ng tuluyan si Leah. Sol didn't bother to dry his tear as his gaze went from me and Mila.
"Masaya ba?" mapang-uyam niyang sabi.
"Yes," Mila giggled. "It was fun seeing the young Sol from before turning into this... hot..." I was shaking in anger when she traced Sol's jaw down his chest with that malicious look. "—hot, hot man. Just funny knowing you fell from the trap. You really expect people like us would fall for you? You are poor, Sol. You have the face and this damn body to die for but you aren't worth much than boys our level."
"Mila! Stop it!" I screamed, my eyes seeking for Sol's. "Don't listen to her, don't—"
"Oh, enough of you playing the victim, Sibyl!" Mila exclaimed back at me, "you wanted this game, right?! You are excited getting that bag of yours and congrats! You got it! Stop with that pretending to get out of this and get Sol's mercy! You said it was fun, remember?"
Umiling ako, desperado. Wala. Wala akong sinabi... pero walang boses na namumutawi sa labi ko.
Mila gasped when I said nothing.
"Ganyan ka naman palagi, hindi ba?! Gusto mo ay na sa 'yo ang simpatya! Na ikaw ang nasa spotlight! You always wanted to be the star! Ayan na! Tell Sol how you had fun playing with him and our tiny stupid daughter!"
"Shut up!" Sol's voice roared. "Isang salita pa tungkol sa anak ko—"
"Ano? Ano?" tumawa si Mila, "sasaktan mo 'ko? Hahawakan mo ang braso ko ng mahigpit?"
The veins on Sol's neck got evident when his skin flushed in anger.
"We both know you couldn't do it!" she exclaimed, "because you're weak and a coward, Solomon! You are a poor... poor boy who fell to our trap. I lost a thousand dollars for the bag for Sibyl's prize but I had a good laugh. It's a win-win for her, too, right, Sib?"
Sinulyapan ako ni Mila pero ang matalim lang na tingin ang natanggap mula sa akin.
"Oh, still playing the victim," Mila cackled and glanced at Sol. "Anyway, Sib boasted you're a good fuck. I guess, masarap ka pa rin?"
Pumikit ng mariin si Sol, nakaigting ang panga at bahagyang umatras, umiiling. Muli akong nagpumilit na hilahin ang sarili mula kay Leah kahit nadadapa at natatapilok na sa gown para lapitan si Sol.
"You're leaving already?!" Mila asked him loudly, "oh, too bad. Send my regards to our little Fritzy! Tell her Mommy's gonna pay a visit soon. What does she like? Does that little pest want some toys? Buti hindi siya nanginginig kapag sumasayaw?"
Sol turned his back almost immediately after hearing it. He was seething in anger, his eyes blazing and blood shot but in all my strength left, I pushed Leah away and strode towards the bitch.
"Anong sabi mo?!" bago pa man maabot ng galit na si Sol si Mila ay inunahan ko na siya.
I wouldn't let his finger touch dirtbags like this and so, I pulled Mila and without hesitations, punched her on the cheek.
She screamed and fell on the ground, her lips bleeding. I heard a few whimpers and realized a few groups went out and witnessed but I did but I didn't care less.
"W-What the hell did you do?!" she whined at me.
Tinuro ko siya, nanginginig sa galit. "One word against Fritzy and I wouldn't hesitate but slam your face on the ground until you seek for plastic surgery."
"H-How dare you!" sigaw niya pero tumalikod na ako, handa nang umalis nang masalubong ang tingin ni Sol.
His jaw clenched and without a word, turned his back on me to walk away.
"Sol!" I called and lifted the skirt of my gown, running after him. "Sol! Please, c-can we talk?"
"Wala tayong dapat pag-usapan," malamig niyang sabi at mas bumilis ang lakad.
I was desperate. My eyes are stinging from the pain inside my chest and the pain from my legs from endless tripping.
"S-Sandali lang..." mabilis kong sabi, "about the bet, it's really nothing—"
"Nothing?!" I got rooted in place when he faced me with his sharp eyes. "Pagkatapos n'yo kaming pag-pustahan na parang laruan ng anak ko, wala lang 'yon?!"
"S-Sol..." my lips trembled, "l-let me explain... I..." I touched my chest. "Y-Yes, I admit to it I said yes b-but—"
"Kapag pinaglaruan kita nang 'di mo alam tapos nalaman mo pagkatapos, tatanggapin mo ba kung sasabihin ko sa 'yong wala lang 'yon?" malamig niyang tanong. Mas napaluha ako at umiling.
"N-No... sorry but I—"
"Sol! Sib! Nand'yan pala kayo, kanina pa kami nag-iikot!" we stopped on our tracks when we heard voices and saw Liza with Nash and Emma.
Tumalim kaagad ang tingin ko kay Emma at nag-iwas siya, nagbababa ng tingin at nahihiya.
I caught Nash's eyes and he gave me a sympathetic look.
"Anong nangyari?" ani Liza nang makita kaming dalawa. "Bakit kayo—"
"Liza..." Nash touched her shoulder. She gasped and nodded.
"Oh! Sorry, sorry... kanina pa namin kayo hinahanap kasi tumawag sina Mang Rey!" aniya, "tumatawag daw sa 'yo Sol kaso 'di ka sumasagot."
I was immediately alerted.
"Fritz?" halos magkapanabay na sinabi namin ni Sol.
Liza glanced back and forth from me and Sol before shaking her head and sighing.
"Hindi, hindi. Ayos lang si Fritzy pero nasa ospital si Nanay at—" but she could even say another word, Sol rushed away from us in haste.
My heart was clenching painfully as I linked my arms with Liza.
Everyone is nervous. Hawak-hawak ako ni Liza habang papunta kami sa sasakyan ni Nash. I was trembling and almost fell and that's why she assisted me.
Hilam ang luha sa mga mata ko at alam kong pansin iyon ni Liza pero hindi siya nagtatanong.
"How's Nanay?" bulong ko sa kanya.
"Ayos lang naman kaso tumaas ang BP," aniya at bahagya akong pinisil. "Nawalan ng malay kaya dinala sa ospital..."
I nodded, relieved.
"Si Fritz? 'Di ba, magkasama sila?"
"Oo pero may kasama naman, h'wag kang mag-alala. Ayos lang, magiging ayos lang..."
Nash opened the car door for us while talking to Emma.
"Sasama ako—"
"Not now, Emma." He said sharply. Emma gasped.
"Why not? Let me see Nanay—"
"Hindi! Go fix your mess with Leah and her friend then go home!" he scolded.
"I-I didn't know what their plan is!" she blurted desperately, "I just know they're this woman's ex-friends! Hindi ko naman alam na may balak silang gawin kaya pinayagan kong pumunta!"
"I don't need your petty explanations now! Go home or I'll tell Dad about this? You choose." Mariing sinabi nito. Emma cursed under her breath and pointed me angrily.
"Why are you even believing this woman when I'm your sister?!" she screamed, "you should be helping me! Not her! Or maybe you're on her side because of your shitty girlfriend?!"
I heard Liza sighed. I squeezed her palm.
"One word against my girlfriend and I'll be the first to throw you out of the country, Emma." Nash gritted his teeth and pointed another direction. "Uwi."
"No!"
"U-wi." He said in a calculated tone, fighting gazes with Emma and that's when she pushed her brother and walked away, cursing.
"I'm sorry 'bout that," bumuntonghininga si Nash at inilahad sa amin ang pintuan ng kanyang sasakyan. "Let's go, pumunta tayong ospital."
During our whole ride, I was not myself. Nag-uusap si Liza at Nash pero nanatili lang akong nakatulala sa madilim na gabi at mga puno sa labas ng sasakyan.
A lot has had happened and I couldn't find words to explain or even tell Liza about my worries.
My heart is aching. It was aching so bad that I wanted to see Sol and apologize, to explain what really happened. When we got to the hospital, we saw him talking to the doctor wearing now his dress shirt and slacks.
Magulo ang buhok niya at pagod ang mga matang nakatingin sa doktor. Mas lalo akong kinabahan at inisip ang lagay ni Nanay. Is she okay now?
"Sol! Doc..." hawak-hawak ako ni Liza nang lumapit kami sa doktor na kausap ni Sol na kaagad umiwas nang makita ako. His jaw tightened.
"Liza, hija," the lady doctor greeted her.
"Magandang gabi po, kumusta si Nanay?" aniya.
"She's fine," the doctor said, my breathing relaxed. "For now." Kaagad ding napawi ang ginhawang 'yon.
"Why, doc? Could we do anything about it?" I couldn't help but ask her.
"She collapsed due to the rise of her blood pressure and we managed to stabilized it for now but we're afraid—due to her old age and exhaustion—that the next attack might be fatal." Sumulyap siya sa chart niya, "she's currently in our watchlist to having a possibility of stroke."
Suminghap si Liza. Napatungo ako at nang magpaalam ang doktor ay naramdaman ko ang pag-alis ni Sol sa tabi ko. My heart dropped when he weakly walked towards the plastic seat and sprawled on it, fisting his hair as he lowered his head.
My chest squeezed painfully.
"Sol..." I took a step forward in attempt to walk towards him when Liza slowly tugged my arm.
"Friend..." I glanced at her and she shook her head at me, smiling a little. "Mas okay ata kung bibigyan mo ng space si Sol sa ngayon?"
My eyes went from her back to Sol controlling his breath while fisting his hair. Naramdaman ko ang pamamasa ng pisngi ko kaya dali-dali ko iyong pinunasan pero nahuli ni Liza.
"Sib..." she called and helped me dry my tears.
"I'll give you some space, ladies," ani Nash nang niyakap na ako ni Liza nang mahigpit. "Liza, dalhin mo muna si Sibyl sa may garden para may hangin. Sasamahan ko muna si Sol."
I stared at Nash and mouthed thank you, he nodded and placed his palm on his pocket before walking towards Sol and sat beside him.
Liza took me to the open space outside the hospital where the flowers are and as we sat on the stone bench, my hand trembled. Ipinikit ko ang mata isinara ang kamay para painitin ang palad.
"Sa 'yo muna 'to para 'di ka lamigin," ani Liza kaya nagmulat ako ng mata at nakitang inilalagay niya sa balikat ko ang coat ni Nash.
"Thank you..." I whispered and hugged myself in it, "and I'm s-sorry..."
"Kukuhaan muna kitang kape, mabilis lang," aniya bago mabilis na tumayo at nang bumalik ay may hawak-hawak nang cup ng mainit na kape.
I took it and brought it near my lips and nose, inhaling the scent of caffeine, waiting for it to calm my nerves but couldn't. Nanginginig kong tinikman iyon at humugot nang hininga.
"Gusto mo bang ikwento sa akin ang nangyari?" she carefully asked. I glanced at her and saw the genuine concern. I shook my head.
"I-I'm okay, it's my fault..." bulong ko. "Sorry if I... if I couldn't tell you for n-now... I wanted to fix this myself and not bother you."
"Hindi ka abala, Sib," bumuntonghininga siya at ginagap ang kamay ko para pisilin. "Kaibigan kita at importante ka sa akin kaya concern ako. Hindi ko alam ang nangyari, sigurado akong mayro'n dahil sa itsura n'yong dalawa ni Sol tapos 'yong biglang pagpunta sa amin ni Emma sa table."
I remained quiet, staring at nowhere.
"Pero kung ayaw mong sabihin, ayos lang. Naiintindihan ko. Basta, nandito lang ako para sa 'yo, ah?" my eyes glistened for another set of tears when I heard it.
Nilingon ko siya, nangingilid ang luha.
"T-Talaga?" halos bulong na iyon.
"O-Oo..." she nodded, I noticed the tremble on her lips. "Magkaibigan tayo at sabi nga, that's what friends are for?"
"L-Liza..." nakagat ko ang labi habang nakatitig sa kanya.
"G-Gusto mo umiyak?" bulong niya at nang tumango ako't inilahad niya ang braso ay tuluyan nang napahagulgol.
I didn't tell her a thing but my friend hugged me, reassured me and whispered everything will be fine and I am sure it won't but for a moment, I believed in it to soothe my broken and aching heart.
When Nash called us telling Nanay is up, we all got inside. I excused myself first when my phone started ringing endless.
Nagtungo ako sa banyo at nakita ang sunod-sunod na mensahe at calls ng pamilya. I even got a message from Rey, my manager who was casually messaging me the last months to come back and my fans. My forehead creased and opened the message from Adi instead.
From: Adira
Sibyl! How are you? What happened?
From: Adira
Don't open your social media, okay? Don't take their words to your heart! I believe you have a reason for doing that!
My chest pounded, with my shaking hands, I opened my social media and got bombarded with articles and videos of me pushing Leah and punching Mila.
Napasinghap ako at nanghina ang tuhod.
I opened the video and realized it was out of context. It was focused on me punching Mila and glaring at her on the ground while she looked so helpless.
The Only Sandejas Who Strayed.
Sibyl Sandejas, a bully?
Sibyl Sandejas' fandom dropped their support: Never Again
Sibyl Sandejas? Cancelled!
It has come to our attention that months ago, the ballerina star—actress Alyx Sandejas' daughter—lie lowed and went out of the spotlight after throwing a fit in their foundation. The said ballerina was currently involved in a cheating issue to an unnamed personality by his ex-celebrity-boyfriend James Smith who admitted into having relationship issues with her.
Miss Sandejas has admittedly scolded a bunch of aspiring little ballerinas by crashing their dreams by her words, saying they weren't good dancers—that ballet isn't for anyone, definitely not for and we quote: Stupid kids like them.
We have received multiple reports regarding Miss Sandejas' misbehavior not just to the kids and her co-dancers but to her current and former staff as well. Click the link below for her ex-stylist's confession!
Follow us for more!
Natulala ako, nanghihinang nagtungo sa cubicle ng banyo at nang makulong ang sarili ay dahan-dahang napadausdos ng upo, nanginginig ang kamay.
From: Adira
I love you, Sib! After my exams, I promise to go there and see you.
From: Zire
Don't believe their words, Ate Sib! We believed in you! Nakikipag-away na si Daddy sa mga bashers mo! Hinahanap na ni Kuya ang address nila!
From: Zire
And who even wrote that article?! Mema! Pangit gumawa!
From: Mommy
Don't worry about them, darling. Don't open your social medias, okay? I know you did it for a reason. Matagal nang 'di maganda pakiramdam ko sa mga "kaibigan" mong 'yan. Zion's currently tracking where the articles and video came from. Your Uncle and Kuya Chiel's taking action and collecting evidences for false accusations and slander against you. I love you. I know you are brave, darling.
My lips trembled. I couldn't even get my fingers to type a reply to her but I did my best.
To: Mommy
It's nothing, Mom. I did it to her because she deserved it and I'm not even sorry. Articles are bullshits, I won't even cry. I love you, too.
But soon as I sent it, I burst into tears, shaking.
Matagal ako bago lumabas. Sumilip ako sa kwarto kung nasaan sina Nanay, ang mga kaibigan at nakita roon si Sol na buhat-buhat si Fritz na kinakausap si Nanay na nakangiti.
"Ano ba kayo! Ayos lang ako, nahilo lang..." ngumiti siya, ang kulubot sa mukha ay mas nadepina.
"Dito ka raw muna sabi ng doktor, Nay. H'wag makulit." Sol scolded.
"Oh? Naku, h'wag na, ang mahal-mahal ng isang gabi rito, Solomon!" umiling siya, "may gamot pa, may babayaran ka pang graduation, hindi ba? H'wag na—" she attempted to stand but then all took her back, scolding her while she's laughing.
Napatungo ako at maliit na ngumiti. I quietly walked away and took my phone to message my Mama Lena who messaged me about the articles after calling for a ride.
"Hija, uuwi ka?" my eyes lifted and gasped when I saw the familiar tricycle driver who helped me before.
"Magandang gabi po, opo," tumango ako.
"Galing kang ball d'yan sa university?" aniya kaya tumango ako at walang tanong-tanong na inilahad niya sa akin ang traysikel.
"Hatid na kita, hija. Gabi na at naka-gown ka pa."
I thanked him before texting my Mama when I got inside.
To: My Beauty Queen Mama
I'm alright, Ma. Please, don't cut your trip short. We're fine, Mila just pissed me off and she did something horrible so I couldn't stop myself. No worries po but can I have a favor?
From: My Beauty Queen Mama
Good to know, thank, God! Your Papa and I are so worried of you and he's currently calling the airlines to ask for an early trip but are you sure are you okay?
To: My Beauty Queen Mama
Yes, Ma. Don't worry. I have a favor to ask if it's okay?
From: My Beauty Queen Mama
Yes, darling. What is it? Tell me, we'll make it happen.
I am sure Sol won't accept any help from me—or us and so, I told her on the message what happened to Sol's Nanay and if she could do something to disguise our help into foundation or anything and she assured me she would.
Nakauwi akong wala sa sarili at tulala. Sinalubong ako ni Mary na nagtatanong kung kumusta ako. I dismissed her and said I'm alright before locking myself in my room and the moment I saw my bed, I dropped and hugged my pillow to let out my tears.
Hindi ako nakatulog. I was even still wearing my Mama's gown the next morning. My mascara's a mess, my lipstick and hair are the same.
I changed into a comfortable flowy dress and sandals. Nagpabili ako ng mga prutas kay Mary kanina no'ng namalengke siya kaya naging abala ako sa pag-a-assemble nito sa basket para kay Nanay.
Liza called and asked if I am visiting and I said yes kaya papunta na sila ni Nash ngayon para sunduin ako. They asked about my sudden disappearance last night kaya nagsabi na lang akong sumama ang pakiramdam at hinayaan na rin nila.
When we got to the hospital, Nanay is still there but sleeping. Sumikip ang dibdib ko nang makita si Sol na nakaupo sa upuan sa may tabi ng higaan ni Nanay habang kalong-kalong si Fritzy.
He didn't even look at me.
"Ate Sib!" Fritzy called, she jumped from Sol's leg and I readied my smile but Sol gently took her back.
"Dito ka lang, Fritzy," malamig niyang sinabi.
"Kuya—"
"H'wag makulit! Sabing dito lang!" his voice is low but filled with warning.
"It's okay, Fritz," mahinang sinabi ko at ngumiti sa kanya. "Listen to your Kuya, it's okay..."
Fritz's lips protruded as she sat back on her father's lap again.
"Damot, Kuya! Hi lang naman ako sa Ate-Mama ko!" she whined in a small voice but Sol just sighed and rested his back on the chair, still not giving me a look.
"Ah! Nga pala! May dala kaming foods!" Liza cut the awkward silence and showed her own basket of fruits.
"Wow! Fruits!" Fritzy raised her hand happily to point the table, "lagay mo do'n, Ate! P'wede akong hingi po ng apple?"
"Go lang!" Liza winked, "si Ate Sib mo maraming apple na dala para sa 'yo!"
Fritzy looked at me hopefully, I nodded and smiled.
Nang magising si Nanay ay binati niya ako at nagpasalamat sa pagpunta ko roon. Sol was there the whole time but he never once looked at me. My friends noticed it, Fritzy did, too.
"Kuya—"
"Liza, pasuyo muna si Fritz. May pupuntahan lang ako," aniya bago naglakad paiwas sa akin. Liza gave me a look. I immediately stood and followed Sol outside.
"Sol..." tawag ko pagkalabas ng kwarto, "Sol! Wait!" I sprinted to run after him, I reached for his hand but he pulled his away from me.
"Anong kailangan mo?" malamig niyang tanong.
"D-Do you have time?" I asked hopefully, "saglit lang—"
"Wala nang dapat pag-usapan, Sandejas." Tumalikod siya pero muli akong humabol at inabot siya.
"Ano ba?!" singhal niya. Natulos ako. "Wala akong oras makipaglokohan sa 'yo! Marami akong pinoproblema kaya h'wag ka nang dumagdag, p'wede ba?"
I swallowed the lump on my throat.
"A minute..." I pleaded, "just hear me out—"
"Mr. Alejo?" the nurse called when she saw us, "dito po, Sir." Sabay lahad niya ng Nurse Station.
Sol left me in there. I followed him and listened to the Nurse's instruction about Nanay. Pumunta rin si Sol sa may accounting at walang-imik akong sumunod sa kanya, kagat-kagat ang labi ko.
"Sa bill, p'wede naman ang installment, 'no?" ani Sol sa admin habang nagta-type ang huli sa computer.
"Evelyn Alejo po ba, Sir?"
"Oo," tumango si Sol at nag-antay ng sagot nito.
"Ah, Sir, don't worry. Hindi na po kailangang magbayad. Your bill has been settled."
"Huh?" kumunot ang noo ni Sol, "paano? Impossible."
"Na-settle na po kagabi. Covered po si Ma'am Evelyn sa benefits sa isang anonymous foundation."
I pursed my lips. My breathing relaxed.
Thank you, Mama.
"Hindi ko matatanggap 'yan." My eyes dilated when I heard it. I glanced at Sol and saw the look on his face while looking at me.
"Sol..." marahang tawag ko.
"Sir?" ani ng admin.
"Pakiaayos ng total, magbabayad ako." Sol's jaw clenched, "pasabi sa foundation na salamat pero hindi ko kailangan ng limos nila."
My heart dropped, he was saying that while staring at me. My lips parted to try and say something but he turned his back from me and left, pissed.
It was like that the whole day. He won't even throw me a look at all. Si Fritzy ay nasa tabi niya't kumakaway sa akin, naiinis at halos umiyak na dahil hindi pinapalapit sa akin ni Sol.
No'ng maghapon na't pinagpahinga si Nanay ay nakaupo sa upuan sa labas ng kwarto, nag-aantay. My friends left to buy some drinks while I'm scrolling on my phone, trying to not get affected but being cancelled on social media is disheartening.
I admit to my rude behaviors and I accept their rage for me but seeing them attacking my family, my mother's acting career. They brought up that time where my Mommy met up with a producer in a hotel and took a photo of them. They said Mommy was cheating on Dad and they didn't mention Dad was also there in that meeting.
Now, I'm involving my family... nadamay ko na naman sila. Palagi na lang. Dahil sa akin. Na naman.
My past issues hunted me to the core. They started labelling me now as a bully, a slut, a cheater. They even referred to my dancing as mediocre. Na hindi pa raw ako nakakaangat, pabagsak na. There is no future ahead of me that I should stay and die in an unknown place and unnamed grave.
"Ate? Turon po para smile na ikaw?" nag-angat ako ng tingin at kaagad na umangat ang ngiti nang makita ang malambing na ngiti sa akin ni Fritz.
"Thank you, baby," malambing kong sabi at kinuha ang binibigay niya.
"Inis ako kay Kuya Sol, Ate ko," ngumuso siya at humalukipkip sa harapan ko. Her fluffy cheek reddened, her hair's in a cute pigtails. "Bakit bawal ako lapit sa Ate ko? Bakit bawal po akong lapit sa 'yo, Ate? Sick ka ba? Hawa ba ako po?"
"No..." I chuckled, adoringly touching Fritz's cheek. "It's nothing, you should just listen to Kuya Sol para 'di iinit ang ulo niya. Stress lang kasi si Kuya kaya gano'n, don't worry, we'll be okay—"
"Fritzy!" Sol called loudly.
"Ihh!" she stomped her feet and angrily shook her hair. "Ayaw!"
"Fritz..." marahang tawag ko kaya hinarap niya ako, "it's okay. Listen to your brother, thank you sa turon." I kissed her cheek.
"Aww..." she pouted, "hindi na ako p'wede po magkausap sa 'yo, Ate?"
"P'wede naman, sa sunod kapag okay na si Kuya." Ngumiti ako sa kanya, "how 'bout I'll go to your house later and give you some cookies? Marami akong bago."
"Talaga po?! Yehey!" she jumped and attacked me with her embrace. "Thank you, Ate-Mama! Bait na muna ako kay Kuya Sol, bye! Baka 'di ako payag kasi maglaro kasama si Pookie!"
She left and ran back to the room and I followed her, smiling sadly. Binuksan ko at kinain ang turon. Masarap naman kaya... kaya siguro ako naiyak.
Walang-gana akong umuwi kasabay sina Liza na hinatid pa ako. The large mansion made me lonely again, remembering how quick the ambiance changed.
I was just happy yesterday and now? I feel empty. Dull. Worthless.
Matutulog na sana ako nang maalala ang pangako ko kay Fritz. I took some container for her cookies and brownies for her. Maraming ulam na niluto si Mary kaya naglagay ako sa babasaging container para ihatid kina Sol.
He's exhausted for sure.
I walked to Sol's house, not minding the darkness of the province. I know for sure the way's safe so I wasn't so afraid.
Naabutan ko si Fritzy na nasa labas ng bahay nila, pinapakain at nilalaro ang nakataling si Pookie.
"Fritz..." I called and when she saw me, her eyes brightened.
"Ate Sib!" she jumped up and down and welcomed me.
"Careful, h'wag tatakbo! Madadapa ka!" I warned but she ran towards me anyway.
I chuckled. Niyakap niya ang paa ko kaya dumukwang ako at humalik sa kanyang noo.
"Here's the foods Ate promised," inabot ko sa kanya ang container.
"Yehey!" she was all smiles as she kissed my cheek. My heart felt warmer. "Thank you, Ate! Ano po hawak mong isa?"
"Ah..." inangat ko ang babasaging lagayan. "Maraming niluto si Ate Mary na ulam, ako lang naman sa bahay kaya dinalhan ko kayo ni Kuya Sol—"
"Fritzy, pumasok ka." we both froze, glancing at their door's way and noticed Solomon's tall silhouette.
"Ate..." Fritzy shot me a sad look. I gave her a reassuring smile.
"It's okay, pasok ka na." Marahang sinabi ko sa kanya. She was hesitating, I am sure she wanted to play and talk to me but she couldn't.
"Bad Kuya!" she hissed when she reached Sol and my eyes widened a bit when she tried bumping Sol with her shoulder pero baywang lang nito ang inabot bago nagdadabag na nilagpasan.
Nagsalubong ang tingin namin ni Sol. Umayos ako ng tayo nang lumapit siya.
"Umuwi ka na." Kumunot ang noo niya nang umiling ako.
"Do you have some time now to talk?" I inquired softly.
"Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa 'yong wala na tayong pag-uusapan, Sandejas?" his tone's hard and sharp.
"Sol..."
"Uulitin ko pa ba sa 'yo? O sadyang bingi ka lang?" napaatras ako nang naglakad siya palapit sa akin.
"I know. I just wanted to talk and clear things out. I am aware this all so sudden for you after what happened to Nanay but let me tell you my s-side..."
"Side? You want me to fucking hear your side?" pagak siyang natawa, mariin ang titig sa akin. "Sa lahat-lahat ng kasinungalingan mo sa tingin mo maniniwala pa ako sa 'yo?!"
"I understand but—"
"Umuwi ka na, wala akong oras sa 'yo. H'wag ka nang magpapakita sa amin ng anak ko."
"T-Then..." I swallowed hard, showing him the bowl. "Then take this, at least. Marami kasing niluto si Mary na ulam..."
"Hindi ko kailangan ng kahit ano galing sa 'yo. Umuwi ka na."
Tumalikod siya ngunit inabot kong ulit, "S-Sol, please, uuwi ako. Tanggapin mo lang itong ulam—"
"Sinabing hindi ko kailangan 'yan!" Marahas niyang hinatak ang kamay niya mula sa akin kaya napatili ako nang mahulog ang lagayan sa kamay ko't nabasag sa lapag.
I froze, seeing the foods scattered on the ground.
My heart squeezed. My eyes watered more.
My ulam...
Natigilan din siya at umiling, nakaigting ang panga.
"Tang ina, ang kulit mo kasi!" he scolded me.
I swallowed painfully. My lips trembled.
"Kuya?" Fritzy called, "may basag ba—"
"Pumasok ka sa loob, Fritzy!" he hissed.
"Ayaw! Bakit mo ba papagalitan ang Ate ko?!" she exclaimed.
"Pasok! Isang ulit pa at mapapalo talaga kita!" he exclaimed and Fritzy's eyes watered in anger but Sol didn't mind it. "Pasok!" ulit niya at tinuro ang pintuan.
When Fritzy walked away, Sol cursed under his breath again before reaching for the broom.
"Tang ina, dami na ngang trabaho may perwisyo pa!" He muttered under his breath. My eyes stung and walked closer to him.
"S-Sol, ako na, puntahan mo na si Fritzy." I reached for the broom, he moved his hand away and it got out of his grip and fell.
"Ang sabi ko umuwi ka! Hindi namin kailangan dito ang kagaya mo!"
"L-Let me help, please," I whispered and reached for the broom, "ako naman ang nakahulog. M-Magpahinga ka na, hmm?" tumitig ako sa madilim niyang mga mata at inabot ang kanyang pisngi pero ipinaling niya ang ulo palayo sa akin.
"H'wag." Mariing sabi niya, "h'wag na h'wag mo 'kong hahawakan."
"S-Sorry..." itinago ko ang kamay kong nanginginig, "I'm sorry, give me the broom. Ako na ang magwawalis ng kalat. You should rest with Fritzy. Kapag ayos ka na o may oras na kausapin ako sana mapagbigyan mo 'ko."
"Para saan? Para pagmumukhain mo na naman akong tanga?" pagak siyang natawa, walang-laman at malamig.
"Hindi, Sol, 'y-yong nararamdaman ko. 'Yong pinapakita ko sa 'yo totoo lahat 'yon!"
"Shut up! Do you think I'd still believe you? Putang ina, nagsisi pa ako sa sinabi ko sa 'yo noon pero totoo naman pala! Masahol ang ugali mo, Sandejas! Ano? Sasabihin mo sa 'king sila lang 'yon? Na sila ang nagplano at nakisali ka lang? Para saan? You think you are fucking different from them?"
Umiling ako. "H-Hindi pero u-umayaw ako, Sol. Hindi na a-ako tumuloy kasi... kasi alam kong mali."
"Do you think it made a difference, huh?" umigting ang panga niya. "Do you even think I'd believe you? Umayaw? Ikaw? Bullshit, Sandejas. Alam nating dalawa na hindi ka aayaw sa mga bagay na pakiramdam mo'y mananalo ka."
"No! I already cut off my friendship with them months ago! She was lying! I didn't know Fritz's your daughter at first! I swear, I swear to my life I didn't! They're my ex-friends! Kaya nagulat akong nandito sila!"
"Hindi ka nagulat, natakot kang malaman ko ang pustahan n'yong magkakaibigan." He pointed out, "tang ina ang tanga ko lang..." pagak siyang tumawa, "sino nga pa lang magkakagusto sa walang pinag-aralan kagaya ko, ano?"
"It's not true! S-Sol..." umiling ako at ginagap ang palad niya, hinahanap ang mata niya. Nadurog ako nang makita ang pamumula ng mga mata niya sa paambang luha.
"Putang ina, Sibyl, p-pinagkatiwalaan kita..." hinila niya ang kamay mula sa akin at hinawi ng marahas ang luha niya. "Sinama kita sa mga p-plano ko! Nagpaplano na ako ng kinabukasan n-natin kasi minahal kita ng totoo pero putang inang gaguhan... bag? Gagaguhin mo 'ko para sa putang inang bag?!"
Sobs left my lips.
"K-Kaya naman kitang bilhan ng bag, eh," nahulog ang mga luha sa mata niya kasabay ng pagkakadurog ng kanyang boses. "W-Wala akong pera pero k-kaya ko namang magtrabaho para pag-ipunan pero bakit..." he sobbed.
"M-Mahal kita, Sol, please..." I begged desperately, "I admit I'm a bitch and I know it was wrong to play with you like that. Y-You can be mad, I'll accept your anger b-but p-please... please, believe me... please..."
"Kakayanin ko pa siguro kung ako lang ginagago n'yo pero bakit dinamay n'yo ang anak ko?" his lips trembled, "a-ano bang ginawa sa inyo ng b-bata?"
"Hindi..." I almost dropped on my knees to beg for forgiveness. "M-Mahal ko k-kayo... mahal kita, mahal ko si Fritz! P-Please, please, Sol! Believe me..."
"Sasabihin ko na sana sa kanya ang tungkol sa amin. Handa na ako, handang-handa na akong sabihin... na h-hindi siya malulungkot kasi kahit wala ang Mama niya, 'yong Ate Sibyl niya gusto siya. Na k-kaya siyang tanggapin! Na gusto ng babaeng hinahangaan niya buong buhay niya na maging ina pero ano?" pagak siyang natawa. "Mabuti na lang 'di ko pa nasasabi sa anak ko kasi kung oo? Kung oo, dalawa na kaming miserable! Kung oo dalawa na kaming napaglaruan ng mga taong kagaya mo!"
"Sol..." I couldn't find words to say because I'm trembling in pain.
"Ano bang ginawa kong masama sa inyo, ah?" pumikit siya ng mariin. "G-Gusto ko lang namang magsumikap ng tahimik para mabuhay ang p-pamilya ko... tang ina, b-bakit ba 'ko nabuhay ng mahirap? Bakit ba ako nabuhay na maraming responsibilidad?! Nabuhay ba ako para lang paglaruan n'yo? Aliwan ng matapobreng kagaya n'yo kasi mahirap ako? Madaling maloko?"
Umiling ako, inaabot ang kamay niya pero hinila niya iyon sa akin.
"I was honored having you as my girlfriend, considering you to become Fritzy's mother because you're amazing, Sibyl. You are damn fucking amazing! You are fucking perfect." Umiling siya at lumandas ang palad sa panga. "Well, at least that's what I thought... mabuti na lang hindi. Mas maganda nang lumaki si Fritzy na hindi alam ang totoo kaysa maging ina ang kagaya mo."
I covered my mouth, trying to catch the oxygen leaving my lungs, suffocating.
"I can't believe I've admired you from afar for years," umiling siya. "Putang ina, nananaginip akong gising na makukuha kita kapag nagsumikap ako't mapatunayan sa pamilya mong may ibubuga ako pero..." umiling siya, "ibang-iba ka sa pamilya mo."
"S-Sorry... S-Sorry..."
"I really believed you've changed. Galit ako sa nangyari noong pangmamaliit mo sa 'kin sa Maynila at pagsigaw mo sa anak ko pero pinatawad kita! Inisip kong baka wala ka lang sa mood! Na baka may problema ka lang! Sising-sisi ako sa mga nasabi ko noong nandito ka na kasi hinusgahan kita ulit pero hindi pala dapat." His blood shot eyes bore on me, despising me. "Kasi wala kang pinagbago, Sibyl Sandejas. Masahol ang ugali mo. Matapobre ka."
Tuluyan na akong napaupo sa lapag nang mawalan ng lakas, umiiyak at bumubulong ng paumanhin sa kanya.
"Nakakahiya, putang ina..." natawa siya, "Sana pala pinagmasdan na lang kita sa malayo kung saan maganda ang tingin ko sa 'yo. In that way, maybe I was glad barely knowing you kaysa ngayong nakilala kita ng buo. Nakakahiya, nakakasisi na nakilala kita."
I clutched my chest tightly, pulling his shirt, "d-don't s-say that... please... I-I love you. I h-have never felt this way before. I stayed her because of you and F-Fritz. I love y-you, you're my s-solace, Sol. Please, d-don't leave me..."
"Solace?" he chuckled coldly and pulled his shirt away from my grip. "Bullshit, Sandejas. I might say the same to you before but now? You're that cage I'm wanting to get out from. Nakakasakal ka."
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