Kabanata 20
10 more!!! This is unedited.
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Kabanata 20
We heard a loud drop, sabay kaming napatingin sa pintuan ng bahay nila at napahawak ako sa dibdib nang makitang nasa lapag na sa Fritzy.
"Fritzy!" Sol exclaimed and ran towards her. I was shaking, terrified that I almost crawl to where they are, gasping.
"F-Fritz..." I called, hindi alam ang gagawin.
My eyes watered more and I panicked when she started shaking.
Oh, God! Seizures!
"S-Sol..." I called, gasping. "D-Do something!"
Fritzy jerked more, her eyes rolling back a bit while she's having seizure attack.
I was in panic but Sol remained calm—or at least, that's just what he's been showing me.
"Kumuha ka ng unan!" aniya kaya mabilis kong hinila ang unan sa upuan at inabot sa kanya sa nanginginig na kamay.
He slowly and gently rolled Fritzy on her side before putting the soft pillow underneath her neck and head, glancing at his wrist watch with his sharp eyes. His breathing is slow but heavy at ako naman ay mabilis na hinawi ang mga gamit na p'wedeng masagi ni Fritzy.
It took her more than a minute until she stopped jerking. Pigil-pigil ko ang paghinga habang pinagmamasdan si Fritz at nang magmulat ang mata niya at maliit na ngumiti ay bumagsak ako paupo sa lapag.
"H-Hi, Ate ko," she greeted in a small voice.
"Fritz..." I called, smiling at her. "You okay, darling?"
"O-Opo..." bulong niya, "nag-nginig lang po ako ng u-unti..." she even teased.
Napasulyap ako kay Sol. He was seated on the ground, too, his eyes on his daughter's. Alam kong maraming beses na niyang nakitang ganito siya pero bakas nab akas pa rin ang takot sa mata niya.
He looked so lost, muling sinuklay niya at buhok at binasa ang labi.
"Ayos ka na, Fritz?" he asked gently.
"O-Opo," she nodded and I helped her sit. Umalalay din si Sol sa kanya hanggang sa makatayo siya. "Ate, Kuya... h'wag na kayo a-away po."
"Fritz," mas bumigat ang pakiramdam ko.
"Ate, ah? Kuya? M-Masakit po kasi sa puso po... hurt po ako." She whimpered.
I nodded to reassure her, apologizing. "Sorry, Fritz. Sorry, hindi na kami ulit mag-aaway ni Kuya... 'di ba, Sol?" sabay sulyap ko kay Sol na kunot pa ang noo pero nang makita ang tingin ni Fritz ay tumango.
Fritz smiled, her eyes brighter before yawning.
"Kuya, antok ako..."
Tumango si Sol bago marahang binuhat sa bisig niya si Fritzy at naglakad papunta sa kwarto.
Fritzy and my eyes met halfway. She waved at me cutely.
"Good night, Ate," she smiled.
"Good night, Fritz," ngumiti ako at pinagmasdan silang pumasok sa kwarto.
I went out after, my knees still buckling. Nakita ko ang nagkalat na ulam sa lapag kaya inabot ko ang walis para linisin iyon at hindi na maperwisyo si Sol dahil sa akin.
I then heard soft whimpers and a small smile broke on my lips upon seeing Pookie sniffing on my feet and trying to eat the leftovers.
"Madumi na 'yan! H'wag mong kainin, Pookie," I told the piglet but of course, she won't understand me. If she did, I'd totally fly away from here because that's just crazy.
"Kulit..." bulong ko sabay buhat sa kanya at dala sa may mas malinis na parte. I saw some clean leftovers from the half-cracked container at 'yon ang kinuha ko para ipakain sa kanya.
I stroked the little piglet's head and watched it ate in its heart's content. Nilinis ko rin ang paa niya bago nilagay sa tulugan.
I went back inside the house and searched for Sol. Pumunta ako at sumilip sa kwarto para sana magpaalam pero hindi na nagawa sa nakita.
Fritz's sleeping on her bed while hugging her favorite teddy bear and on the ground, just beside her was Sol. He was gripping her palm and gently caressing it and when I saw Sol's shoulder moving, my heart broke.
He's crying and it's... it's because of me. Because of my selfishness and me hurting others excusing it as a validation for the past trauma I had.
I shouldn't have used this pain to inflict one to other people but I still did and now, nadamay ko na rin sila sa gulo ng buhay ko. Nasasaktan sila sa kagagawan ko.
I lowered my head, walang ingay akong lumabas ng bahay nila at nasalubong si Manang Letty na nagulat pa nang makita ako.
"Sibyl!"
"Magandang gabi po," bati ko.
"Magandang gabi rin, ayos ka lang?" malambot ang tingin.
"A-Ah, opo... wala lang 'to..." sabay kurap ko at hawi ng luhang nahuhulog na pala sa pisngi. "Saan po kayo, Manang?"
"Hinahanap ko lang si Sol," aniya, "may pinapakuha lang si Evelyn kasi sa ospital."
"Nasa loob po," turo ko sa bahay.
"Sige, sige, salamat. Uuwi ka na ba?"
"Opo,"
"Madilim na, anak!" suminghap siya, "walang nadaang traysikel, maglalakad ka?"
"Ayos lang po, kaya namang lakarin," I assured her, "kaya ko po..."
"Sigurado ka?" inabot niya ang braso ko. "Diyos ko, ang lamig-lamig pa ng hangin at naka-dress ka! Sandali at magtatawag akong traysikel—"
"Ayos lang, Manang," I smiled gently at her, "salamat po. Kaya ko naman atsaka kung may mag-aabang sa 'kin d'yan pakitaan ko ng sipa. Tinuruan naman ako ni Dad ng self-defense, tulog 'yan sila sa suntok ko."
She chuckled, my heart felt warmer.
"Hindi ko talaga akalaing may kakulitan kang taglay," hinaplos niya ang buhok ko bago tinapik ang balikat ko. "Oh, siya, sige. Mag-iingat ka, ah? Diretso ang uwi. Wala namang bastos dito pero mas magandang sigurado ka."
I left after saying my farewells to her. The skies are ridiculously starless tonight. Ni walang buwan at kagaya ng walang laman na langit ay unti-unti ring bumalik sa akin ang gano'n.
Silly how the skies tonight mirrored my heart, empty and pained.
Tanging ang street lights lang ang nadaanan. Tahimik at pulos puno lang ang nakikita. Maingay ang kuliglig sa gabi, kung noon ay maiirita ako pero ngayon ay sanay na sanay na.
Bahagi na ng buhay ko ang Sta. Monica, hindi makapaniwalang mapapamahal ako sa isang lugar na dati kong inayawan.
I felt a presence behind me. I stiffened.
My mind began playing weird and scary scenario that I took a deep breath before I looked back and saw no one.
"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself. Mas binilisan ko ang paglalakad nang hindi pa rin nawawala ang presensya at pakiramdam na may sumusunod.
I hastily looked back and saw nothing but the leaves moving.
Minumulto na ba ako? Oh my God! What about mga engkanto? Nuno?!
Really?! I'm having mental crisis here and I'm being hunted by an unknown creature!
Namilog ang mata ko sabay angat ng kamay. Pinagdikit ko ang daliri para bumuo ng krus at lumingon-lingon sa paligid.
"Sino ka?! Show yourself!" matapang kong sabi sabay talim ng tingin sa paligid.
The whistling of the wind is the only thing I'm hearing aside from the crickets. It was suspiciously quiet kaya tinagilid ko ang ulo ko sabay talikod, nakaangat pa rin ang daliri at pinaparahan ang paghinga.
It's nothing, Sib... it's just your wild imagination! You're not scared! You're not!
I heard a branch cracking. I froze. Ang nakaangat na daliri para sa krus ay muling hinarap ko sa may likuran.
"Who are you?! Show yourself!" I hissed, realizing I'm near a large tree right now. "Akala mo natatakot ako sa 'yo? Duwag ka pala, eh—"
I saw a silhouette on the ground beside the tree where the leaves are, as if someone was hiding beside it.
My heart hammered. My head throbbed as the blood rushed on my veins.
"Nye! Duwag ka pala, eh—" a branch cracked again, "—joke lang! A-Ayaw ko na! H'wag kang magpakita! Biruan l-lang naman, eh!" napaatras na ako.
The silhouette grew, as if it's walking at bago ko pa man makita ang entity ay malakas na akong tumili at parang nag-marathon sa kakatakbo pabalik sa mansion.
"Mary! Mary!" sigaw ko nang makita siyang papasara na ng pinto.
"Ma'am—"
"Isara mo! Isara mo! May humahabol sa 'king nuno!" sigaw ko sabay tulak ng pintuan at nanlalaki ang matang nakatingin siya sa akin habang nakasandal ang likod ko sa malaking pintuan.
"T-Talaga ba, Ma'am?" aniyang gulat na gulat.
"Y-Yeah..." I nodded.
"T-Talaga? Nakita mo, Ma'am?!"
"Hindi, anino lang p-pero—" we heard a soft knock at nang magkatinginan kami ni Mary ay sabay na napatili at kanya-kanyang takbo kung saan.
I was terrified, I swear the pain got washed away by adrenaline that my eyes are wide-open for almost a full minute.
Napasulyap ako sa terrace.
Will I go and check who that be? Or maybe what would the creature look like?
But in horror movies, 'yong mga sumisilip ang unang nakakakain kasi curious sila!
I took a step back.
Pero 'di ako duwag!
I heaved loudly, I remembered hindi nga pala ako palasigaw sa mga horror movie viewing namin with family so I think I'm brave enough to take a risk, right? I moved my head then slowly move, opening my terrace's glass door and took a step out.
I tiptoed as quietly as I could, took a quick peek to see if some scary creature was there but instead of seeing one, I saw a familiar built walking away from our house.
Sol...
Just seeing how his built faded in the dark when he walked away, all the fears vanished but replaced with something else... intense pain and love.
He followed me home to make sure I'm safe?
Napadausdos ako ng upo sa likod ng pintuang salamin at nang mag-upisang manubig ang mata ay walang tigil nang kumawala ang hikbi sa mga labi habang sapo-sapo ko ang dibdib.
How could someone be so genuine after the pain I've put him through? How could I... how could I hurt that someone?
I remembered the pain on Sol's eyes after knowing what we did, the way Fritz dropped on the floor and truth from Mila burned my eyes more.
Flashbacks attacked my head all at once, waking the tamed demons inside and this time—I know it will be hard silencing them anymore.
I cried until I couldn't shed a tear anymore. Nakatulog akong parehas ang suot sa kahapon at sa pagod kakaiyak.
For the first time again after the long time, nightmares pestered me but it's worst that the other. It was me and the people I've hurt struggling to get away from me, begging me to let them go from the cage I let them in. Kasi raw ipapahamak ko lang sila, kasi idadamay ko sila... kasi nakakasakal ako.
"S-Sorry..." I mouthed, crying. "S-Sorry, I'm sorry..."
"Darling? Darling, wake up!" I jolted from my bed. Napatili ako't nayakap ang sarili pero kaagad ding nag-relax nang makita ang nasa kama ko't nasa may lapag at nakaupo.
"M-Mama, Papa..." I called and cried loudly as I jumped and hugged them.
"Sorry, it took us a while," mahinang bulong niya nang yakapin ako. "Medyo nahirapan ang Papa mo maghanap ng mabilisang flight pauwi."
"I-It's okay..." nanginig ang boses ko lalo na nang maramdaman ang yakap ni Papa sa amin ni Mama.
"I knew it. I knew you're crying, I'm sorry, anak." Bulong ni Papa at humalik sa ulo ko.
My grandparents cradled me and when I calmed down, Mama dried my cheek, the soft and worried look's on her face.
"Are you okay now, princess?" she asked. I nodded, lying.
"It's okay not to pretend in front of us, anak." Nang may maamoy ako'y sumunod ang tingin ko at may lumukob na init sa dibdib nang makitang may hawak siyang umuusok na kape sa cup at tinapay.
"C-Coffee..." I called and raised my hand.
"We stopped in the café near the airport. Your Papa said you'd love having a coffee na paborito mo."
Inayos ni Mama ang tray sa harapan ko at nang maramdaman ang init ng kape at malanghap ang usok na 'yon ay lumuwang ang pakiramdam.
"Thank you, Ma, Pa. I love you." I smiled.
"Her, anak." Binuksan ni Papa Jer ang tinapay at inalapit sa bibig ko. Nahihiya namang ngumanga ako at kumagat sa sinusubo niya. "Sus, nahiya pa ang maganda kong apo,"
We ended up chuckling at that. Inabot ko ang tinapay para ako na ang kumain at si Mama naman ay may kinuha sa may dresser ng kwarto ko.
"Sorry po, did I cut your trip short?" I asked, "'di ba, next week pa ang uwi n'yo? Sayang naman ang Spain?"
"It's okay," ani Papa. "Your Mama and I has a lifetime to spend, we could travel all over the world anytime."
Lumambot ang tingin ko at mas nangiti. Nahuli ko pa ang pagpula ng mukha ni Papa bago pasimpleng sinipa si Papa at tumabi sa akin.
"Ang keso pa rin ng Lolo mo, ano?" ani Mama na unti-unting pinaraanan ng daliri ang buhok ko. "Noong bata pa kami corny na 'yan pero mas lalo ata ngayon."
"Gano'n kasi kapag mahal mo, Harriet ko," Papa smirked at her. "Kunwari pa 'to. Alam mo bang kinikilig 'yang maganda mong Lola! Aba't tignan mo at namumula!"
I shifted my head and caught my Mama glaring at him with her porcelain cheek blushing. I chuckled and sipped on my coffee.
I really thought I'm gonna get a love like theirs... but it seems like I couldn't anymore.
"Saan ka nanggaling, anak? Ang dumi ng paa mo," ani Papa kaya nagulat ako't bumaba ang tingin sa paa.
I realized how I made fool of myself last time after running like a freak away from the "creature" natapilok-tapilok pa ako kaya nadumihan.
"Uh, I forgot to wear my slippers lang po." I told Papa instead. Tumango siya, may kinuha at may humaplos na naman sa dibdib ko nang makitang may hawak na siyang wet tissue.
"Can I clean your feet, princess?" his blue eyes glanced at me gently, reminding me of my loving father.
I missed my Dad...
"S-Sure, Pa," hindi ko alam kung bakit nabasag ang boses ko kaya nagbaba ako ng tingin at kinagat ang labi.
I knew my grandparents noticed the sudden crack but they didn't comment and instead, continued what they're doing. Mama brushed my hair softly and sometimes, I could feel her kissing my hair, whispering how beautiful I was.
Papa was wiping my foot gently to remove the dirt with his wet tissues.
"Kailangan at palaging malinis ang Papa mo para manatiling healthy at walang sugat," ani Papa at minasahe pa ang paa ko pagkatapos. "Your feet is important in your career, I know how hard it is to be a ballerina and I salute you for that but don't forget to rest and take care, anak."
"Opo..." tumango ako.
He smiled at me, the wrinkles on the side of his eyes showed a glimpse of his age but like Mama, they're aging like fine wine. Papa's handsome and still strict looking, you could sense the authority he had but with his family, he's soft as a cute puppy. Always joking, always smiling.
Sinubuan ko si Mama ng tinapay ko na kaagad niyang tinanggap at gano'n din si Papa na nakiinom pa ng kape ko. I happily let them.
I rested on Mama's shoulder after she's done combing me and I noticed him and Mama exchanging glances.
"What is it? Just tell me," I cut the chase off. Sabay silang bumuntonghininga.
"That's... you need to go home, princess," ani Papa kaya kumunot na ang noo ko sa kanya.
"Why? Is there something wrong?" my heart hammered, "is my family okay?!"
"Yes, yes, of course..." pinisil ni Mama ang kamay ko. "Don't worry, they just needed you for the investigation, anak. Nagwawala na ang Daddy mo ro'n, muntik na niyang sugudin 'yong gumawa ng article sa 'yo at sa Mommy mo. Mabuti at kasama ang mga Tito mo at nabuhat nilang sama-sama pabalik sa sasakyan."
I didn't know why but instead of getting worried, I chuckled. My grandparents smirked, too. They don't look sorry at all, they seemed... proud?
"R-Really?"
"Yep," Papa wiggled his brows. "I'm not against it, good work to my special child."
Mas lumakas ang hagikhikan naming tatlo.
"Pero s'yempre, mas magkakaroon ng issue sa 'yo at sa Mommy mo pag nangyari iyon. We have to do some damage control."
"Is it really bad, Pa?" I worriedly ask, remembering the slander my family received in social media.
"For your career? Maybe?" umiling si Papa, "hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit ganito na sa panahon ngayon. I know it's your line of work, you're a dancer. You're Mom's a celebrity at ang pamilya natin hindi naman madalas sa mata ng publiko. Nagtatrabaho lang naman, bakit nila kailangang pakialaman ang personal na buhay at gumawa ng kahit anong ikakasira no'n?"
Same thought... nagbaba ako ng tingin.
"Too much freedom of expression and speech. Some people had lost their sense of boundaries in between public and private life," ani Mama. "Mabuti nga lang ay hindi pa uso ang social media no'ng panahon ko. Hindi ko ata kaya kapag nakakatanggap ako ng gano'n..."
"Ha! Kung noon, uso na 'yan? Tapos pinagsalitaan ka ng masama at gumawa ng kwentong walang basehan sa 'yo? Hindi ako matatakot humimas ng rehas, Harriet ko. Basta ba, bisitahin mo 'ko, ah?"
Mama kicked him. Papa and I both chuckled.
"Baliw!" Mama hissed, "we still have to control our emotions. Alam kong nakakagalit pero self-control is a big thing, it can do so much. But still, I don't get it why people spending too much time for hate? Wala ba silang pinagkakaabalahan sa buhay?"
"Baka kumikita kakapanira ng tao. Sus, kung ganyan lang edi sana nang-bash ako ng marami noon baka p'wede na tayong magtayo ng pagawaan ng pera," ani Papa. "Anak, stay off social media for now for your peace and mental health. I know just saying don't mind what other people is thinking is impossible kasi maiisip mo pa rin 'yan kahit anong pigil mo."
Tumango ako at bumuntonghininga.
"And... try to relax." Mama said, "you are not the opinion of someone who doesn't know you. Wala silang karapatang husgahan ka na hindi ka nila kilala ng buo. Wala silang karapatan nag awing aliwan ang sitwasyon ng iba, ang problema ng iba."
Mama squeezed my palm tightly, "haters will always hate. They already have prejudice of you whether you defend yourself or not. Ang mga taong ganyan, ginagawang libangan ang paninira at pananakit ng iba. Paano kung sa kanila ginawa 'yon? Will a sorry fix it? No. The pain of betrayal will stay here in your heart. After everything, after they lost their attention, they would leave as if nothing happened and the victim? Maiiwan siyang nakakulong sa panghuhusga nila."
"So, I wanted you to try and relax," ngumiti si Mama. "Uuwi tayo para makita mo ang mga pinsan mo at sleep over kayo sa ancestral! We will prepare foods! Yummy ones! Miss na miss ka na ng pamilya mo at si Adira? Umiiyak 'yon kagabi at hindi niya raw kaya ang paninira sa 'yo. She was threatening everyone to file a case... what an adorable baby."
Nangiti ako at tumango.
"T-Thank you, Ma, Pa..." niyakap ko sila ng mahigpit.
They asked me to pack important things. I hate to leave with Sol still mad at me but I have to leave before my father punched someone's face.
And I missed my parents. Halos isang taon ko silang 'di nakita pwera sa mga video calls.
I texted Liza about me leaving and she wished me good luck. Aantayin niya daw akong bumaling.
I texted Sol, too, and I didn't expect much but it still hurt not receiving anything from him back.
I left with Mama and Papa when lunch came. Sinundo kami ng private jet at ilang oras ang nakalipas ay nakita na ang pamilyar na airport ng airlines ay nangilid ang luha.
I'm home...
Nakakapit ako sa magkabilang braso ni Mama at Papa habang pababa sa eroplano at hindi pa kami nakakapasok sa arrival area ay narinig ko na ang sigaw.
"Pretty ghourl!" that loud voice and my heart jumped when Dad sprinted towards me to cage me with his warm hug.
"Dad..." tawag ko nang ibalot niya ako ng mahigpit niyang yakap, unti-unting humawak sa kanyang likod para yumakap pabalik.
"Are you okay, princess? I missed you, anak," bulong niya at humalik sa buhok ko. I closed my eyes and savored his warmth, nodding my head.
"O-Of course, I'm never not okay, Dad." I answered back. "I missed you."
He squeezed me. I think that hug was for an entire year already at kung hindi lang may tumawag ay 'di siya bibitaw.
"Ate!" Zire's voice filled my ear. Narinig ko rin ang boses ni Mom, Kuya at Adi na papalapit pero 'di ko sila makita dahil nasa dibdib ako ni Dad.
"It's gonna be alright, pretty ghourl," humawak si Daddy sa balikat ko nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. "I'll hunt down every person who did that, okay? Yari sila sa bagsik ko."
I chuckled at his remark. His lip twitched. He looked as usual, handsome but worn out. May malaking eyebags siya at magulo pa ang buhok.
"Hala, tinawanan lang ako! Pagkatapos mong 'di umuwi ng halos isang taon? Tampong-tampo na 'ko, ah?" ngumuso siyang nag-iinarte pero nang panliitan ko ng mata ay ngumisi lang at humalik sa noo ko. "Go, yakapin mo na ang perfect family natin." He winked then slowly let me go.
Nang pumunta siya para batiin sina Mama at Papa ay kaagad akong inatake ng yakap ng apat, halos madurog na nga ako sa higpit no'n at paulit-ulit nilang tanong kung kumusta ako pero kahit kailan ay hindi magsasawang mapakinggan iyon.
Every people in this entire universe might hate and turned its back at me but I know this family wouldn't. Never.
Yakap-yakap ako ni Adi no'ng pauwi na kami. Zire was emotional but no one beats Adira being a cry baby at kahit sabihin ko sa kanyang ayos lang naman ako ay ayon, hindi niya raw kaya ang sinasabi sa akin ng ibang tao. Alam daw niyang hindi 'yon totoo kasi kilala niya ako.
"That's the disadvantage of too much freedom of speech and access to social media," my Mom said while we're in the ancestral house and having a meeting for damage control. "Mas malakas pang manghusga ang taong hindi ka kilala. They think other people's life is their cup of tea."
"Instead of improving and focusing on themselves, they are choosing to drag people down. They're dragging others with them," umiling si Tita Zidney at saglit na kinausap si Tito Thorn sa kanyang tabi.
"We already have lists of those people who spread false claims, posted malicious photos and edited ones," Tito Iñigo said.
"Uh..." nahihiyang tinaas ko ang kamay kaya sumulyap sila sa akin.
"Yes, princess?" Dad asked.
"I don't think it's necessary to sue everyone. It's a waste of time—"
"Defending you against those bastards is never a waste of time, Sibyl," my Dad answered me seriously. "Every action has consequences. Slandering someone's name might be nothing for them but it is everything to you at ayokong naaagrabyo kayo kung kaya ko naman kayong protektahan."
"Zeij's right," Tito Iñigo agreed.
"Talaga ba, Kuya Raf?" biglang nawala ang seryoso niya't biglang naging buhay na buhay kaya nagkatawanan sila.
"Ewan ko sa 'yo," ngumuso si Tito, pasimpleng tinulak si Dad na nagkunwari pang nahulog kay Tito Dash na namura na siya nang tumama sila sa lamesa.
"Ano ba!"
"Na-fall ako, Dash-beybe!" he hissed then smirked, "pero h'wag ka, rinig mo 'yong sabi ni Kuya Raf? Tama raw ako! Huh! Umuwi ka na!" sabay siko niya at nang magsikuhan na ang dalawa roon ay napairap si Mom sa hangin.
Tita Reah called Tito Dash's attention kaya tinulak nito si Dad na si Tito Thorn naman ang inabala.
"We should start into suing the famous labels, Iñigo," Tita Thallia, his wife, said. "We must let them know who it was they're fighting with and somehow, I somehow agree with Sibyl's point. Here..." may tinuro siya sa papel na inayos nina Kuya kanina.
"Sue the big companies who manipulated and spread misinformation and made nonsense stories and send those people who made fun, participated and taunted Sibyl and Zeij's family with a formal notice—more like a warning indicating about the possible libel cases they would face." Tita explained.
"Will we still file a case?" ani Tita Zid.
"Nope. We will spend a hefty in suing and instead of spending much in those narrow-minded people, donate na lang natin sa foundation na mas deserved ang pera. I know for sure the notice we would send will definitely become a lesson to them. Less work, more help for our beneficiaries."
Natahimik kami sa kanya. Tita then blinked and eyed us shyly until Dad started clapping his hand, accompanied by everyone.
"W-Why?" gulong-gulong sabi ni Tita.
"Mawawalan pa ata ako ng trabaho sa 'yo, baby," proud na proud na sabi ni Tito Iñigo at nang sumimangot na si Tita ay napangiti ako.
Maybe that's what happens if you got married to your former secretary who, until now is still joining you to court for trials.
They had asked me about Mila and Leah. I told them what happened, that I did that because Mila insulted Fritzy. That I punched her to at least—somehow, defend Fritzy from her dirty mouth.
"Well, she deserved it," tumango si Mommy at mas tumalim ang mata. "I'd make sure that story will come into light.
My manager, Rey was there. He was proposing a possible solution and one of it except of showing my face in public is auditioning to the recital I've been eyeing and practicing for now.
"Sibyl should step down the spotlight for now, Madame," ani Rey kay Mommy. "Some of her sponsors illegally stepped down the contract, our legal team would make sure they would pay for the damages and as of a few... they wanted to let Sibyl clear her name."
It was enough for me. Nanatili akong tahimik habang nagpapalitan ng diskusyon ang pamilya sa gagawing aksyon. Masaya akong nandito sa kabila ng dahilan dahil nakita kong muli ang aking pamilya pero ang puso ko ay naiwan sa Sta. Monica.
After all these, I'd come back to Sol and talk to him. Clear things out, apologize...
"Adi, I have a concern," nang sumagi muli iyon sa utak ay nilingon ko ang pinsan na nilingon ako.
"Yes?" malambing niyang tanong. "Anything, Sib. Tell me, I'll do my best to help you."
My heart softened. Niyakap ko si Adi at sumubsob sa kanyang balikat, "I missed you, Adi. Wala ka pa ring suklay?"
"I missed you, too, meanie." She mumbled and hugged me back. "I'm glad you are here, you'd like to go out and talk?"
"Hmm..." we excused ourselves. Lumabas kami sa opisina at nagtungo sa garden at doon, sinabi ko sa kanya ang concern ko.
Sumisinghap lang siya habang kinekwento ko ang gustong itanong at hindi makapaniwalang umiling siya sa akin.
"Oh, God, I can't believe this! Mila did that?!" namilog ang mata niya, ang galit ay nakita ko sa kanyang mga mata.
I nodded, "Sol was drunk if I'm remembering it right and... and if I'll based it from Sol's words—he didn't like it. He looked enraged. Is it the same with women or..." kinagat ko ang labi.
"Absence of consent is rape and sexual assault, Sibyl," kumunot ang noo niya, mas nag-alab ang mata. "And it was sad because we have no direct law protecting men from it but assault has no gender. Pantay-pantay tayo. Nararanasan ng mga lalaki ang nararanasan ng babae."
"Oh, God," muling nanubig ang mata ko at ginagap ang kamay ng pinsan. "C-Can we do something? I wanna help him or do something. Hindi ko... hindi ko kayang ganito lang."
"Can we ask Kuya Chiel or Dei?" aniya kaya tumango ako.
She called them. Nag-uusap pa ang dalawa nang lumapit sa akin, sabay na ngumiti nang makita ako.
"Sib..."
"Hello, Kuyas," marahang bati ko at niyakap silang dalawa. "I missed you all."
"Nasayahan ka sa Sta. Monica, ah?" Kuya Chiel messed with my hair. Inakbayan ako ni Kuya Dei bago nagtanong.
"What is it, Sib? May tatanong daw kayo ni Adi?" sabay sulyap niya kay Adi.
I sighed loudly, pinaupo ko sila kasama namin sa may garden at mahinang kwinento ang sinabi kay Adi at kagaya niya'y gano'n din ang reaksyon ng dalawa.
"I'm sorry for the word but Adi..." sumulyap si Kuya Chiel sa kapatid, "cover your ears—"
"I'm a woman now, come on!" ngumuso ang isa sabay irap. "I don't curse but I could tolerate hearing it."
"Big girl ka na nga..." ngumuso si Kuya pero nagseryoso ulit. "I'm not sorry for the word now but Mila is bullshit."
We all nodded in agreement.
"Can we do something, Kuya?"
"That's..." bumuntonghininga siya, "as of now we still don't have a law directly protecting a man in cases like that and it was bullshit. Do they expect men not to experience those?"
Nagbaba ako ng tingin at ipinikit ang mata.
"We would need Solomon's statement regarding this matter but that's if and only if he would permit us. May mga pasibol nang agency na gustong magsulong ng panibagong batas para sa kalalakihan pero habang hindi pa napapasa bilang batas ay wala pa tayong legal na laban."
"Then, we couldn't..."
"I promise to help in any way I could, Sib," tumango si Kuya. "As of now, all I could promise you is to check her background. P'wede akong makakuha mula ro'n para ilabas ang baho niya. I could promise you, with your brother's help to put these shameless women in court, stand trial and get jailed."
"T-Thank you..." my eyes watered, "thank you, Kuya."
"It must be tough," Kuya Dei murmured, sighing. Sumulyap ako sa kanya at nakita ang galit sa mga mata niya. "This fucked society thinks men are strong. That it's weak to need and ask for help."
"Kaya kaunti lang ang mga lumalabas na biktima," ani Adi at umiling. "Kasi kapag nagsabi sila, tatawanan lang. What's happening in this society?"
My eyes widened and got stuck to a little kid. I realized Queen Scira—Kuya Dei's youngest sister is lurking in here with a piece of marshmallow on her hand.
Oh, I missed teasing this kid!
I smiled at Queen. Inaasahan kong ngingiti siya pabalik sa akin pero pinanliitan lang ako ng mata ng bata, suspicious at my smile. I chuckled.
"Hi, Queen," binati ko na at sabay-sabay na napatingin sa kanya ang mga pinsan ko.
"Queen, what are you doing here?" napatayo si Kuya Dei pero umiling-iling na si Queen at nanliliit pa rin ang mata sa akin.
"Dette!" she suddenly called after eating the marshmallow, "Dette! Shi... shi Ate Sungit!" tili niya bago nagtatakbo nang hinabol ni Kuya Dei.
Napatingin sa akin si Adi at Kuya Chiel. I smiled awkwardly, gulping.
Uh-oh...
I spent a few days in our house and in ancestral with my family and cousins. Inaaliw nila ako, alam ko 'yon. They wanted to distract me from the issues and they said, they wanted to make me happy and not worry. That they wanted good things for me so it won't affect me mentally.
I appreciate it. I am not vocal with my feelings to my cousins of how thankful I am with their love for me but I am showing it to them by appreciating, eating the foods they prepared, laughing at the movies, joining the fun and telling my stories when I was asked na magkaliskis ng fish sa province but late at night, I'm crying.
Madalang kong nakakausap si Liza dahil sa pinapaiwas ako nina Mommy sa social media pero kumukuha pa rin ng tsamba para makausap ang kaibigan kahit papaano.
I've been texting Sol, telling him about my day and asking how he was and Fritzy but I was always left on seen—the last few texts wasn't even read.
We did some damage control. I showed up once in a press conference with my manager telling my side of the story and the reason why I punched Mila. Some apologized for the mean things they said but most of them didn't even give a fuck and made their own story.
Mila's in the rocks now with me. Binabalitaan ako madalas nina Kuya tungkol sa mga nahahalungkat nilang baho nito na p'wedeng magamit para legal siyang makasuhan.
I even received flowers from the "couple" Teresa and James, saying they're glad I'm back.
I rolled my eyes.
Polluted na ang Earth! Daming plastic!
Nagpaalam ako kay Daddy, sinabing sandali lang. He was suspicious and giving me a funny look with his twitching eyebrows but when he saw how eager I am, he let me go.
I wanted to go back to Sta. Monica for Sol's upcoming graduation. I even bought a gift for him from my savings, a watch which I think would suit his veiny wrist. I could imagine how my Sol would look handsome in it.
I brought the shoes, clothes and ballerina stuff I had for Fritz and I was looking forward to seeing my Sol and Fritzy again but got only crashed by a message from Liza the same day I'm on my way for Sol's graduation.
From: Liza
Sibyl, wala na si Nanay.
I cried.
Nagulat ang Mama at Papa sa biglang paghagulgol ko at nang lumapit sila para aluin ako at nalaman ang nangyari ay natulala rin at hindi nakapagsalita sa gulat.
I was heartbroken. The same day Solomon finished his studies is the same day the woman he's been studying for died.
We went to the funeral. Nanginginig pa ang paa ko habang naglalakad papasok sa funeral house kung nasaan nakalagak ang labi ni Nanay.
Sabi ni Liza ay nagpumilit daw umalis si Nanay sa ospital para hindi lumaki ang bill. Pinagbawalan pero nagtrabaho kaagad at magbabayad pa ng graduation fee ni Sol pero nawalan ng malay, tumama ang ulo ang bato at...
I covered my mouth when I saw Sol with his cold eyes sitting in the plastic chair in front. Yakap-yakap niya si Fritzy na may bakas pa ng luha habang natutulog sa kanyang balikat.
Mama and Papa walked closer to him, their faces gentle. Tinawag ni Papa si Sol na napatayo nang makita sila at napasulyap sa akin.
Kumalabog ang dibdib ko nang makita ang malamig niyang mata sa akin.
"Sol..." I whispered. Nag-iwas siya at hinarap ang Mama at Papa.
I sniffed. My hand trembled as I walked closer but Liza appeared and met me halfway.
"S-Sib..."
"L-Liza..." I hugged her, burying my face on her shoulder, shaking and crying.
"B-Buti nakarating ka..." bulong niya at hinarap ako, "b-biglaan din kaya hindi namin inaasahan."
"B-Bakit..." umiling ako, "a-ang lakas-lakas pa ni Nanay. N-Ni hindi ko pa nga siya nakakausap ng maayos. Babalik pa ako... n-nakabalik na ako..."
"Sorry..." mas nanubig ang mata ni Liza, "s-sorry, Sib."
Niyakap niya ako. I hugged her back and sniffed, calming myself down from my loud sobs.
"S-Si Sol?" marahang tanong ko pagkalayo at tinanguan si Nash na nasa kanyang likuran.
"Ayon... hindi uma-attend sa graduation," umiling siya. "Buti nandito ka, baka p'wede mong makausap at hindi nagsasalita. Gumagalaw lang pero ayaw kaming k-kausapin..."
We went in front to pay our respects.
"Condolence, Sol," marahang sinabi ko nang tumabi kina Mama at Papa.
His black eyes glanced at me, enough to take my breath away from missing him.
"Salamat sa pag-punta, Ma'am, Sir..." tumango siya kina Mama sabay sulyap sa akin, "...señorita."
Señorita... muling piniraso ang puso ko pero hindi iyon ang importante ngayon. Ang importante ay si Sol... si Fritzy.
We walked closer to Nanay's coffin and my heart cracked again for the nth time upon seeing her soft face. I trembled, memories of Nanay smiling at me, calling me anak, the way she's cooking us merienda kapag nasa bahay nila ako...
"S-Sorry, Nay," bulong ko at mabilis na hinawi ang luha. "S-Sorry p-po..."
Nang sumapit ang gabi ay umuwi sina Mama para makapagpahinga pero nagpaiwan ako para tumulong. Sol isn't talk much, nakaupo lang siya o 'di kaya'y nandoon at nakasilip kay Nanay. Ni pagkain ay 'di niya ginagalaw.
It's his graduation today... this day should be the happiest but...
"Ate ko, h-h'wag na ikaw iyak, ah?" my eyes landed to Fritz and smiled while she's drying my tears, "sabi ni Nanay po na h'wag daw po iiyak kasi po sad siya kapag iyak..."
"Really?" tinulungan ko siyang magpunas ng luha ko bago siya inabot at niyakap.
"O-Opo, Ate-Mama ko," bulong niya, ang boses ay nanginginig na rin. "N-Nagsasabi nga ako po kay Kuya Sol, h-hindi siya iyak pero h-hindi siya nagsasalita, Ate. Sad po ang K-Kuya ko. Ayaw ko po siyang umiyak."
"It's normal, darling," mahinang sabi ko sabay hawak sa pisngi ni Fritz. "It's normal to feel sad because of Nanay but let's not stay sad for a long time. Kuya Sol is hurt, could you be his strength?"
"Opo..." tumango siya, ang bilugang mata ay nagtutubig.
"Your Kuya Sol loves you so... so much. Love mo lang palagi si Kuya Sol, ah? You two should be each other's strength. Sabi nila, ang strength daw napapasa sa pamamagitan ng hug..."
"Talaga po, Ate-Mama?"
"Opo..." marahang inilapit ko siya sa akin at niyakap ng mahigpit sabay halik sa kanyang noo. "I'll be giving you my strength, now, could you pass it to Kuya Sol? Para brave tayong lahat?"
"Opo!" she smiled widely, "ayaw po ni Nanay na sad kaya dapat happy ang Kuya ko po! Pasa ko po sa kanya ang hug, Ate!"
She ran towards him, hugged his leg. Sol lowered his gaze, seeing his daughter and when Fritzy smiled, his eyes softened.
May humaplos sa puso ko nang binuhat ni Sol ang anak at ngumisi si Fritz sabay bulong at yakap ng mahigpit sa Papa niya at nang nakita kong nanginig ang balikat ni Sol ay nag-iwas na ako ng tingin, hinahawi ang luha.
The days went by. Walang mintis akong pumunta at tumulong sa kanila. Ni isang beses ay hindi ako kinausap ni Sol pero naiintindihan ko iyon.
Mourning is a long process... I respect it. May iba pa siyang problema kaysa sa akin. Ayaw ko nang dumagdag.
I spent an all-nighter to accommodate the visitors for Nanay's funeral. Halos doon na ako buong araw kaya minsa'y 'di maiiwasang makatulog sa upuan.
The usual nightmare occurred, making me jolt. Napaupo ako sa upuan, gulat nang may mahulog sa hita at kaagad iyong inabot.
May kumot ako...
Muli kong inalala ang posisyon ko sab ago makatulog at natantong nakaupo ako pero ngayon ay nakahiga na sa mahabang upuan, may unan at kumot.
Something squeezed inside my chest. My eyes lurked around and found Sol in the far side of the long bench from the other side. Nakapikit siya't nakasandal ang likod, ang ulo'y bahagyang nahuhulog.
It's late at night. Sina Liza at Nash ay naroon pa sa may entrance habang kausap ang ilang mga kaibigan ni Nanay. Fritzy's sleeping with her head on Sol's lap, hugging Pookie.
Tumayo ako palapit sa buhay ko. Inayos ko ang kumot sa hita ni Fritzy, hinaplos ang kanyang buhok bago tumitig kay Pookie at napangiti.
I glanced at Sol. He's worn out and exhausted.
Humaba ng bahagya ang buhok, may papatubong balbas sa kanyang baba at panga. His muscled arms are crossed on his chest while he's balancing himself not to fall.
"My baby..." bulong ko, ang kumot ay unti-unti kong pinatong sa kanyang balikat. I carefully brushed his hair out of his forehead and stared at his beautiful face.
"I hope you won't exhaust yourself too much, Sol," bulong ko at tahimik na inabot ang kanyang pisngi. "You did nothing wrong. Nanay is proud of you, Fritzy is... I am, too. Kahit si Pookie ay proud na proud para sa 'yo..."
"I-I know you won't hear me now but I wanted to say again. I'd never get tired saying how sorry I am for everything. I was wrong, I did a mistake I could never take back. I joined them out of pettiness, out of my scarred ego. Umayaw ako pero ginawa ko pa rin, may kasalanan ako. I'm sorry..." suminghap ako't nanubig na naman ang mata.
"I-I may have joined them but none of w-what I showed you was a lie, baby. You're annoying for your nonstop teasing and making fun of me but when I told you I'm in love with you, I really d-do. When I told you I accept Fritzy, I meant it. L-Like you... I built a future in my head with the two of y-you..." suminghot ako at sumulyap kay Fritz, "s-sige, kasama na si Pookie kasi baka magtampo at makapatapak pa ako ng freaking piglet poo."
I chuckled with my own joke, drying my tears.
"You are an a-amazing father, Sol. I hope you won't think otherwise because of their words kasi ako ang witness kung gaano ka karesponsable, kung gaano mo kamahal si Fritz. Kung gaano ka kabuting apo kay Nanay, ama kay Fritz at b-boyfriend sa akin. You kept on calling me your angel but it's the other way around. I-Ikaw... ikaw ang anghel ko, Sol."
Sumulyap ako kay Fritzy na nakangiti sa pagtulog niya at hinalikan ang kanyang noo.
"Be a good girl, Fritz. I'm always glad and honored being your Ate-Mama. Y-You are a great dancer, baby. You will be a-an amazing ballerina. I hoped to see you in stage real soon, mahal na mahal kita. Make your Kuya-Papa happy, h-hmm? Makinig palagi sa sasabihin niya..."
Malungkot akong ngumiti nang makita ang pasarap sa buhay na baboy. Nakasuot pa ng dress at boots.
"At ikaw, Pookie," umiling ako. "H'wag kang matakaw, ah? Naku at papagalitan talaga kita kapag kumain ka na naman ng madumi. Alagaan mo si Sol at Fritzy, ah? Babalikan kita, naku!" ngumisi ako at pinindot ang ilong ng baboy bago unti-unting sumulyap kay Sol.
"I love you, Sol," bulong ko at pinisil ang daliri para lakasan ang loob.
"You saved me from hell. You are my escape, my f-freedom, my solace. I witnessed your dreams of your future with us and I hope, after every challenges, you'd fight again. You'd stand up a-again. I hope you'd continue your future with Fritz—kahit w-wala na ako..." napahikbi na ako. "S-Sorry, I love you..." I pressed a kiss on his forehead before standing.
I went to Nanay and said my goodbyes before looking at Sol and Fritzy. Malungkot akong napangiti, alam na ang gagawin.
Ang pagmamahal... hindi namimilit. Ang pagmamahal ay nagpapalaya.
This love I have would always end up hurting the people I love and so, I'll give it freedom from me...
"I h-hope, I hope someday God would give me a chance to dance with you two again." Inilapit ko ang palad sa labi bago inangat sa ere kung nasaan ang Fritzy at Sol ko.
Sa sumunod na araw ay sikreto akong um-attend sa libing ni Nanay, nagkukubli at umiiyak.
The same day, I flew to the audition in New York with my family to save the last thing making my heart beat, dancing.
All eyes on me and I was in front of the spotlight again. I lifted my hand gracefully in the air while swaying left and right to the Swan Lake for my audition.
I let the song move me, I closed my eyes and twirled. I tiptoed and swayed, I let the judges watch me in awe until I've reached the Black Swan's part.
I turned as I jumped up in the air. The male ballerina—a danseur caught and lifted me.
This is my chance to redeem myself, to start anew and continue my life.
I turned and landed with my toe and life flashed before my eyes when I landed incorrectly and heard a snap.
"Sibyl!" I fell with my knee in one way and my foot in the other and when I heard the screams, I knew... I knew the only life remaining inside me faded before my eyes.
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