Kabanata 22
Kabanata 22
"Ayaw ko Zion! Bad!" hindi ko na kailangang tignan sino ang nagsalita. Umayos ako ng upo sa sofa at nakita kaagad ang pagsimangot ni Twinkle habang papalabas sa kusina.
She is smart for her age, medyo nabubulol pa rin pero dahil ata sa ingay sa bahay at madadaldal ang mga kasama niya-pwera sa akin s'yempre ay mas gumanda at luminaw ang vocabulary.
"What is it this time, baby?" tanong ko, ibinababa ang magazine na fresh from the printer pa para sa latest feature ko.
"Bad siya, Ate!" ngumuso siya, "agaw lumpia ko... bad..."
Napatawa na ako. She has this fascination with lumpia, same with my brother. Well, ako rin naman occasionally, you really can't deny how delicious it is so... it's normal.
"Come here," tinapik ko ang hita ko kaya nagtatatakbo siya sa akin.
She's in her pigtails, wearing her usual Hello Kitty terno shorts and top.
She crawled towards me kaya para 'di mahirapan ang kapatid ay binuhat ko na siya paupo sa hita ko at hinalikan sa pisngi. She giggled. I saw how her pretty eyes danced when I did that. The prettiest shade I'd ever seen.
"Ate ko," hearing those words is still amusing. I really love how well-spoken this little girl is, reminds me of the young Zirena.
"Yes, Twinkle?" bulong ko at kinuha ang tissue para punasan ang gilid ng labi niyang may crumbs pa galing sa lumpia.
"Love mo kow po?" she asked.
"Opo..." I nodded, "super duper love, do you love Ate, too?"
"Yesh!" she chirped, "many many love! Twinkle like Mommy and Ate Sib! Very pwetty and shungit!"
Napatawa na ako ng malakas bago siya pinugpog ng halik sa pisngi, mas niyayakap ang kanyang baywang habang nakaupo siya sa hita ko.
It's always making me smile whenever she tells me I am her idol. Sabi nga niya'y paglaki niya ay gusto niyang maging kagaya ko paglaki niya. gusto niya raw maging "mowdel" her words and mag-picture-picture daw.
I wasn't that good with kids, too-evidence will always be the frenemies, Queen and Dette-but luckily, I'm bonded so well with Twinkle. Madalas kasi siyang sumasama sa akin sa kapag nasa ibang bansa, minsan nga ay iniiwan na lang sa akin ay ayos lang sa kanya. She isn't the cry baby type. She's cute but behave when needed, she's extra focus about things and observant.
She might've sense I don't like loud kids kaya kapag magkasama kami ay super behave niya. She knows when to talk and whine, that's when I'm in good mood. Kapag alam niyang iritado ako dadalhan niya ako ng pagkain at ngingitian. All my anxieties and exhaustion would fade everytime.
"Hello, mga gorgeous kong sisters!" my eyes shifted to Zire when I heard her voice.
"Zire..."
"Ate Ganda!" Twinkle sang and bounced, running towards her sister for a hug. Zire carried her, chuckling and went closer to me for a kiss.
"Hi, Ate Sib," she smiled prettily, sitting beside me with Twinkle on her lap.
"Hello, Zire. How's work?" I inquired.
"Great! We went to a shelter last time and we're in the talks of participating in our annual medical mission," sagot niya. "We're coming with Kuya Dei and some physicians, dentist din."
I smiled, proud of my sister. I can't believe she matured this fast, parang dati lang baby ko lang ito, oh?
"You know I'm proud of you, right?" I asked. Her eyes twinkled, nodding.
"Yes, Ate. I know, thank you! I hope alam mo rin na proud na proud kami sa 'yo." Her blue eyes twinkled and my heart felt warmer when she hugged me. I felt Twinkle's tiny arms around my nape, too, making me chuckle.
"Mwuah! Love, Ate ko pwetty and ganda!" she mumbled in her small, tiny voice, kissing us both on the cheeks.
Pinaupo namin si Twinkle sa pagitan naming dalawa at pinagtripan naman ng Ate niya ang buhok nito para sa ayusin ang ponytail habang tinitignan ng maliit ang magazine. She was making this tiny, small squeals and voices whenever she's seeing me in the pages.
"Wow, super pwetty..." she would mumble on her breath while pointing my face. Nagkatinginan kami ni Zire at napangiti.
The things we'd do to protect our little angel.
"Itabi n'yo, itabi n'yo! Papasok na ang pinakagwapo sa balat ng lupa!" I know how possible it is but Twinkle and I grunted in unison hearing Kuya Zy's voice.
"Kuya Gwapo!" Zire called happily.
Another day, another episode ng pang-aasar ni Zion Schauffer.
"Oh! Hala, bakit nakairap na ang Twinkle Twinkle litol star namin? Suplada 'yan?" he was too quick to tease our sister pouting at him.
"Agaw mo lumpia ko! Bad ikaw!" she exclaimed then crossed her tiny arms on her chest.
"Bakit mo kasi inagaw?" tinaasan ko ng kilay si Kuya na natatawang lumapit sa amin, dala-dala ang tray na may malaking bowl.
"Isa lang, damot naman," he smirked lazily, "pero s'yempre, kapag kumuha si Kuya Gwapo ng isa papalitan natin ng isang bowl! Yay!"
We saw how Twinkle's eyes glisten upon seeing the bowl filled with lumpia. She was too quick to bounce and take it but her brother moved it away hastily.
"Opps!"
"Pangit ikaw, Zion!" she whined angrily. Napailing na lang ako at sumandal sa sofa, hindi na bago sa paningin ang bangayan ng dalawa.
"Grabe ka naman, litol star! Tignan mo, mga ate mo maganda. Si Mommy maganda, si Daddy Pogi. S'yempre si Kuya Zy din." He smirked, "sabihin mo muna gwapo si Kuya para bigyan kita ng lumpia?"
Twinkled pouted. She remained glaring at him, trying to act so tough and angry but when she smelled the foods, she swallowed and stomped her feet.
"Gwapo na ikaw, Zion!" halos mautal-utal niyang turan.
"Zion lang?" he shot his brow up.
"Zion! Kuya! Lumpia!" she answered back then sighed when Kuya tilted his head, "...po."
"Ayon, good girl," ngumiti si Kuya sabay abot sa huli ng bowl ng lumpia. Twinkle giggled, kissed his cheek after saying her thanks and went back to us with her foods, hopping and singing a song with unrecognizable lyrics.
Okay, ganyan lang sila magbati.
Naglakad din pasunod si Kuya, nakangiti habang pinagmamasdan ang maliit. Zire helped Twinkle back on the couch until Kuya approached with the tray and remaining bowl on his palm.
He's naked on top, wearing only his khaki shorts, barefoot. His hair is in a man bun, the tattoos inked on his chest and back can be seen.
"Hindi ka ba magkakapulmonya niyan, Kuya?" tinuro ko siya. "Sinabihan na kayo ni Mommy na h'wag palaging maghuhubad, ah? Pati si Daddy. Malamig pa naman." My eyes roamed around, mentioning about our aircon.
"Nah, malakas ang resistensya ko, pretty ghourl," he smirked and went closer to kiss my forehead and Zire's, lumapit pa siya kay Twinkle at ngumanga.
"Pakagat naman ng lumpia, litol star," he teased and Twinkle's innocent eyes who's already been trained on her lumpia stared at him with a grimace but didn't say otherwise.
She lifted a piece of lumpia bago walang habas na sinuksok iyon sa bunganga ng Kuya.
Kuya choked.
"T-Twinkle!" umubo siya at napahawak sa lalamunan.
Zire and Twinkle laughed loudly. I shook my head and glanced at the T.V. instead to wait for the premiere of my telenovela which is almost half an hour from now.
"Ngayon 'yong premiere ng palabas mo!" ani Kuya na inilalapag ang malaking bowl ng nachos sa table, "malapit na raw sina Mom at Dad, manunuod din."
Napangiti ako at 'di na umimik. Sumulyap ako sa phone at nakita ang message ng mga pinsan, pati ng mga Tito't-Tita, even my grandparents which is currently on our ancestral to let me know they're waiting for my show.
They'd insisted we watched it all together pero nahihiya ako. It's my debut in showbiz! In acting! Tho, hindi naman ako lead role at kontrabida lang pero s'yempre, nakakahiyang makita ng pamilya ko ang acting ko kahit sinabi naman ni Mommy na magaling ang acting ko.
Coming from a veteran actress saying how great I am in acting but of course, nakakahiya pa rin. Malay mo, sinasabi lang ni Mommy na magaling kasi anak niya ako.
"Alam n'yo 'di pa nagsisimula 'yong palabas ubos na 'yang nachos," sinabi ko pagkakuha ng piraso. Zire and Kuya's been eyeing each other everytime one would take a piece, competition ata ang gusto.
"May pizza naman daw pag-uwi ang ating perfect parents," ani Kuya na muling dumampot sabay talim ng tingin kay Zire na dumukot ng tatlong piraso.
"Zirena..."
"What? I'm just eating," the latter pretended to be innocent.
Sumulyap ako kay Twinkle na walang pakialam sa kanina. Ang mahalaga'y may lumpia siya. She might've sense me staring because she looked at me, offered me a piece for a bite kaya kumagat ako at pinisil ang pisngi niya.
Cute...
My phone beeped again. It was my Manager Rey, saying the show's not yet starting but is already trending kaya napangiti ako. I'm not really into social media nowadays. Maybe, occasionally pero hindi kagaya noon na babad na babad ako.
Social media was never good for someone's mental health. May mga tao kasing entitled na feeling mga superior para mga tsaa nilang panis naman.
They think it's fun making fun of someone's struggles. They think it's fun twisting stories and making assumptions with no valid reasons and evidence at pagkatapos no'n? Kapag may napatunayan ang biktima, aalis silang tila walang nangyari. Kakalimutan nila lahat-lahat ng sakit na binigay nila sa tao samantalang ang huli ay makukulong do'n.
Being in a spotlight has pros and cons. Pros is that you could share your talent, entertain, inspire pero sa kabila no'n, dahil sa 'yo nakatapat ang ilaw ay iniisip nilang may karapatan silang husgahan ka. Na karapatan nilang malaman ang lahat ng tungkol sa 'yo.
Celebrities and public figures shared their talent to us to earn and entertain. It's work. We can call them out and teach them if they did something wrong in need of correction and lessons but if it's based on mere rumors, hearsays and assumptions then stop.
One must not act superior to someone because they have a "tea" they don't have basis and evidences. It's not tea. It's bullshit.
Hypocrites can go fuck themselves and I'd laugh happily. Ayaw na ayaw nilang huhusgahan sila ng personal pero sa iba ginagawa nila.
Social media doesn't stand on itself. Social? Not everytime, it's also a platform where people spread negativity and bullshits.
We're lucky enough because it opened a lot of things, too. Good things for the general public to learn. We became open-minded and was able to share our takes at things and teach, spreading awareness but we couldn't deny it has darker hells hiding deep down, swallowing people's heads as a whole.
I was one of its victims. I seek for validation, thinking I wasn't good enough because they said so.
Natauhan ako nang kumalampag ang lamesa. I blinked and gasped when Zire and Kuya swiftly took a piece of nachos and swallowed it whole, leaving a single piece on the bowl.
My forehead creased. They've been glaring at each other, akala mo'y mga dragon and they might have a silent talk inside their minds, sabay silang gumalaw para mag-unahan sa natitira.
"Ha!" Kuya Zion grinned when he got it instead of Zire.
"Kuya..." she whined and stomped her feet.
"Sorry, ganda," ngumisi siya, "nauna si Kuya-"
We heard a sniff. Gulat akong napatingin kay Zire na nagkukunwaring papaiyak na. She was blinking her eyes, trying her best to let a tear out but miserably failing.
Oh, I love you, my baby Zire but there is always one-sumulyap ako kay Kuya-or two who got Dad's trying hard acting skills.
"Naiiyak na 'ko, 'di ka ba naaawa sa 'kin?" she blinked her blue eyes cutely, trying to get Kuya's pity who got his mouth parted while holding the piece of nachos on his finger.
"Zire-"
"Ako naman ang baby princess mo noon, ah? Anong klaseng Kuya 'yong 'di bibigyan ang younger sister?" she said in a pleasing voice and Kuya bit his lower lip, looking guilty now.
"Sige na nga..." Kuya surrendered.
Oh... he must still have a soft spot.
Zire grinned and sat straight up, waiting for Kuya to give the piece when all of the sudden, Kuya licked the Nachos and extended it to Zire.
Oh, joke... he isn't.
"Oh, may laway ko na," sabay abot niya kay Zire na tumili na.
"Eww!" Twinkle hissed and while my brother his laughing his ass out, winning the argument with his disgusting method, inabot ko ang unan, sumimangot sa kanya sabay hagis sa mukha pasapol sa mukha niya.
"Kadiri, Zion Schauffer!" irita kong Singhal pero tumatawa lang siya tumayo nang mahulog sa lapag at itinaas ang kamay niya habang ngumunguya.
"I am the champion, my friend..." he even sang to piss Zire more.
Ako na lang ang napagod sa rambulan nila. Nakaupo si Twinkle sa hita ko habang naghahabulan ang dalawa, nagkatinginan kami, sinubuan niya ako ng lumpia at sabay na nagkibit-balikat.
"Crazy..."
"Cwazy..." we both commented.
"Saan na ang Twinkle Twinkle litol star namin?" that familiar voice and with no hesitations, Twinkle gave me the bowl and ran towards the door.
"Daddy Gwapo!" she chirped, "Mommy Ganda!"
"Hi, darling," Mom's voice filled my ear at maya-maya'y nakita ko na silang papasok sa bahay.
Dad was carrying Mommy's red bag while carrying Twinkle. Si Mommy ay malambing na ngumiti nang makita ako.
"Hi, princess," Mom's gorgeous, if I would have to describe her in one word.
You can't definitely tell her age just by merely looking unless you knew it. Mestiza at matangkad, she has curves to die for. She's not really into exercise kaya it's still a wonder how she could maintain her figure.
I want to be like her when I reached that age. Still gorgeous!
Alagang-alaga ang sarili at si Daddy din. He basically became Mommy's bodyguard, kapag kasi 'di siya pumapasok ay naroon sa taping ni Mommy para manuod at ipagkalat na misis niya si Alyx Sandejas.
"Hello, My!" tumayo ako para batiin sila at halikan sa pisngi bago nag-aya sa sofa pero 'yon na lang ang pagkakatulos nang may marinig akong tunog ng sumabog na confetti.
My mouth turned into a big O upon seeing my large family-aunties, uncles, cousins and grandparents going inside with a cake on Adi's palm.
"Congratulations, Sibyl!" they all greeted me happily, making my heart melt and my eyes watered.
How lucky I am to have this precious family... I'm forever grateful still being able to see them like this, to talk to them like this. To laugh, have fun and appreciate them. There's more to it in life after the tragedy.
I was glad to be saved.
Napunta ang tingin ko kay Daddy na naroon na sa gitna at tinuturo ang T.V. nang lumabas na ako.
"Pretty ghourl ko 'yan!" he said proudly, "ang galing, oh! Manang-mana sa misis ko! Panis kayo!"
I smiled, seeing the proud glint on their eyes made me want to strive more and be better, so they would be happy again.
The telenovela got the highest ratings in our timeslot. I was glad and amazed, I heard I was trending on social media for the strong comeback and my debut in showbiz. The next days, I received gifts from numerous supporters and I thanked them personally using my account my social media handler is managing.
My eyes went to that familiar flower arrangement again. The usual monthly delivery and bit my lower lip.
No, Sib. Don't go in there! Sol was mad at you, marami rin namang tao ang p'wedeng tumawag ng angel, hindi ba?
"Sigurado ka ba d'yan, Sibyl?" ani Rey kaya natauhan ako, "you know we can lie low, halfway to the telenovela then we could start accepting or auditioning for movies."
"Hindi ba p'wedeng isabay na lang?" kumunot ang noo ko at sumimsim ng kape, "I'm getting bored now."
"How 'bout photography? I heard you have another offer for an exhibit?"
"Yes, but I still can't find an inspiration or a possible theme." Bumuntonghininga ako, "I think I'm having a creative block if that's what you can it. I need to spend some time into something. I just can't stay at home and go to fan signings, gusto ko ng bago."
I was too quick getting bored to things these past few days. Kinukulit ko si Rey na tatanggap na ng movie offers o kaya'y auditions pero h'wag daw madaliin. It's the same advice I got from Mom, a reason why I'm bored as heck.
"May invitation ka sa academy, Sib," he carefully said, watching my reaction. I shot my brow up. "But it's okay if you won't go." Pahabol niya.
"Let's go," I said, napanganga siya.
"Huh? Bakit?" gulat niyang turan.
"Why not?" I shrugged, "I'm a ballerina, I was injured but still, I'm a dancer. Why can't we attend?"
Nagitla siya at napakamot sa kilay niya, "akala ko kasi ayaw mo nang uma-attend sa ganito kaya 'di ko sinasabing may invitation."
He's right, tho. I distanced myself in watching actual ballet. Kahit naman kasi i-deny ko sa sarili ko'y alam kong sa loob-loob ay gustong-gusto kong bumalik doon.
Ballet got my heart first, it's my first love. It isn't that easy to turn your back into something you loved the most and so, to ease the pain, I would rather spend my time in anything else to not remind myself of losing that dream.
From: Dad kong super pogi
Hi, pretty ghourl ko! How's your day, anak? Saan ka?
To: Daddy kong super pogi
I'm in the car with Rey and Sandra, Dad. Going somewhere lang. I'm doing great!
From: Dad kong super pogi
Good to hear! Can't wait for you to go home and hear how's your day. I love you, perfect and super maganda kong princess! Always remember that we got your back, okay? I love you, princess!
I smiled.
Daddy talaga...
Kasama ang stylist at manager ay nagtungo kami sa recital para sa ballet ngayon araw na imbitado ako.
I was quite nervous seeing my co-ballerinas in stage while I was seated and watching but excited at the same time.
I'm still hoping of returning in dancing, not just making my hopes up. The higher it is, the greater the disappointment. It's hard torturing myself.
Tuwid na tuwid ang buhok ko. I am wearing a mini black dress and heels as I made my way inside the studio. Pagdating ko pa lang ay nakita ko na kaagad ang media kaya suot-suot ko ang shades habang naglalakad sa pagitan nilang lahat.
I also have my mini bag, it was a gift from my Ate Crest. Wala man akong mailagay masyado bukod sa lipstick at maliit na spray alcohol ay ginamit pa rin dahil babagay sa mini dress na suot.
I placed the bag in my fingers, smiling at the reporters calling my attention.
"Ang ganda mo, Miss Sibyl!" tawag nila at para hindi naman isnabera ay itinaas ko ang daliri para maliit na kaway sabay tanggal ng shades at tango sa kanila.
"Excuse..." hinawi sila nina Rey at ng security para makadaan ako at doon lang nakahinga ng maayos pagkapasok.
I'm used to the crowd ever since but I still feel suffocated whenever they're like that.
Nag-uumpisa na recital pagkapasok ko. We went to the backstage and watched aspiring ballerinas in awe upon seeing me.
"Hi, Miss!" teenagers went closer to me. Hinarang sila ni Rey kaya tinapik ko ang huli at inilingan. He looked at me like I'm a piece of alien pero walang sinabi at lumayo, dahilan para siksikin ako ng mga dalaga.
"Hello, ladies. You'll perform?"
"Yes, Miss!" sagot nila, "hala! Nakakakaba naman po at nandito ka! Fan po kami!"
"Opo, Miss Sibyl! Sobrang galing mo po kahit noon kapag napapanuod ka namin sa videos! Kaso matagal-tagal na po ata kayong tumigil?"
"Kids-" I stopped Rey.
"Well, I was injured," sumulyap ako sa paa at sabay-sabay silang napatingin doon. "I have stopped dancing and decided to take other career paths. I'm just here to watch you, ladies. Do your best, 'kay?" kumindat ako.
"We will po! Lalo na at nanunuod ang idol namin!" their adorable words made me smile.
Wow, I still have ballerina fans, hmm? I thought they all left.
"Kailan po kayo ulit babalik, Miss? Excited po kami no'ng nakapasok sa foundation kasi akala namin nando'n ka pero wala po kaya nakakagulat na nandito ka!"
"Actually..." my throat dried up with the question. I felt my chest aching. Umawang ang labi ni Rey pero 'di ginawa nang inilingan ko siya. "Actually, I'm still not certain when will I be back or if ever I would. Injuries like this one is a ballerina's greatest nightmare. So, my advice to young ballerinas like all of you was to be careful. Take care of your legs, your foot, have proper rest and be careful in landing."
"Thank you po, Miss Sib! We will hope and pray you'll fully recover and be back in dancing! Isa po sa dream naming makasama kayo sa stage!"
It warmed my heart. Seeing the hope and genuine appreciation they have for me is heartwarming. I suddenly thought of Fritzy and remembered her face.
I missed her... and her Dad.
"Let's hope, I would love to be in the stage with amazing ballerinas," kumindat ako at saglit na dumukwang para ayusin ang ribbon sa shoes ng isa sa kanila.
"Miss, p'wede pong pa-autograph?" one kid asked. Rey gave me a look but I didn't mind him and nodded at the kids na nagkukumahog paalis para maghanap ng papel.
"Ikaw ba 'yan, Sibyl, o namamaligno lang kami?" nanlalaki pa ang mata ni Rey nang tanungin iyon. I rolled my eyes at him and lifted my finger to remove a strand of my hair near my cheek.
"What's wrong again, Rey? Madaming beses mo na 'kong binibigyan ng ganyang tingin."
"Hindi... hindi lang ako makapaniwala," umiling siya sabay sulyap sa stylist na hindi pa napapalitan simula no'ng dumating siya. "Kasi dati..."
"What?" I crossed my arms and gave him a look.
"Kasi dati iritado ka sa ganyan," he pointed out. "Ayaw mong may haharang at kakausap sa 'yo ng ganyan katagal. You will say it's a waste of time at itong si Sandra, unang hire natin pero ngayon nandito pa rin!"
Sandra gave me a look.
"What? She's great," I commented. Namilog ang mata niya sa akin.
"Talaga, Miss?"
"Yep," I nodded. "I don't want nosy stylists kaya palagi tayong nagpapalit noon. Those girls before are snooping secretly before and sell stories to those annoying paparazzis while she's doing great. Not too nosy and see?" tinuro ko ang itsura, "I feel beautiful."
"S-Salamat, Miss!" namula si Sandra at nagpigil ng ngiti, "mas gagalingan ko pa po! Maganda ka na pero mas magiging diyosa ka pa, promise!"
I smirked inwardly at her.
"Nagugulat pa rin ako," bumuga ng hangin si Rey, "kasi panigurado kapag makulit papagalitan mo na noon."
"Past is past, Rey," I shrugged. "What good will it do to them if I scold them out of nowhere? Those are kids, they are still learning. If I was mean to them, what good will it do? Nothing, baka kabahan at mawala ang attention nila later sa performance. You know a simple kindness and small smile can be a big thing to someone."
"Oh, Mama..." napahawak si Rey sa dibdib sa gulat.
"Lessons have to be learned the hard way, I have experienced it first hand."
"Sandra..." madrama siyang napahawak sa noo, "Sandra, tubig! Tumataas ang BP ko!"
Napatawa na lang ako nang magmadali ang huli dahil kay Rey.
I shook my head. I guess I'm really that devilish before, huh?
Bumalik ang mga bata para magpapirma. I gladly gave them one, even posing in photos with them.
Nang magpaalam sila'y nagtungo na kami sa mga upuan na naka-reserve hanggang sa magsimula ang event.
People recognized me. They didn't attempt mugging me because of the solemnity of the event but I know they would later.
I even saw James looking flabbergasted seeing me. He even waved at pormal lang akong tumango, ni hindi ginantihan ang ngiti niya. Don't wanna waste a slight twitch of facial muscle to an asshole like that.
I cheered and smiled when I saw the teenagers performing. They are great considering their age at kung anong tuwa ko sa mga bata ay ang pagsama ng timpla ko nang lumabas na si Teresa.
Mayabang kaagad ang tingin niya sa akin pagkalabas. Wala akong pinakitang reaksyon.
She was smirking while doing her stunt, flawlessly moving her body with the hymn. I have no say when it comes to her dancing skills because she's a good one pero kapag ugali? As a whole? Sumayaw na lang siya.
Maayos naman ang performance niya, ang kaso, nang makita ang boyfriend niyang kanina pa nakatingin sa pwesto ko ay bumusangot at mas naging agresibo. She almost messed with the routine because of it, making me shot my brow up.
I have missed dancing so much. Hindi naman ako hipokrito para sabihing wala akong naramdaman sa panunuod sa kanila dahil ang totoo ay naiinggit ako.
Gusto ko ulit sumayaw. Gustong-gusto ko kaso... mukhang para 'di na sa akin ang pagkakataong iyon.
I may not be in stage, may not be in the spotlight and behind the curtains closing, dancing is a part of me.
We went back to the backstage after talking to the foundation sponsors and reporters around. I ignored Teresa who's been glaring and trying to steal their attention but failing miserably.
"CR lang," paalam ko kay Rey at sa stylist bago nagtungo sa banyo para mag-ayos pero mukhang may halong drama ang magbabanyo ko nang pumasok si Teresa, nagpapanggap pang nagulat nang makita ako.
"You're here!" she blurted. "Long time no see!"
I glanced at her in the mirror, nodding.
"Long time no see," sagot ko, nagulat pa nang lapitan niya ako para magbeso at yakapin.
"I missed you, Sib!"
Oh, really?
Tinapik ko ang likod niya bago tumango, "I see, how's dancing?"
"Great!" naghugas siya ng kamay at sinulyapan ako, "greater unlike when you're here. Tho, medyo nakaka-miss 'yong pilit mo 'kong sinasapawan kahit mas magaling naman ako sa 'yo."
Napatawa ako. She gave me a look, as if she wasn't expecting my reaction.
"What? You expect me to whine?" tumaas ang kilay ko, "sorry, Teresa, but I'm not up to competing with you-not that desperate. And good for you to feel better without me here, then. I'm sure I made your stay before a living hell?"
Her mouth parted and glared. I pursed my lips and dried my hands before turning my back, was about to go out when he shouted.
"Ang yabang mo! 'Di ka naman na makakasayaw ulit!" now, that's a low blow. Nilingon ko siya.
"And?"
She gave me a taunting look, "why don't you just admit I'm greater than you? Look at me! I'm the principal dancer now! I'm known internationally! I'm great! Greater than you! Kahit noon pa! My Mom is even greater than your trying hard mother!"
Humikab ako, "ayan na ba 'yong argument mo? Wala na bang iba? Nakakasawa pakinggan. No offense pero super repetitive?"
"W-What..." suminghap siya, "you can't even dance anymore! Ang yabang mo porket model ka? Porket photographer ka? Walang-wala naman 'yan kung 'di ka na nakakasayaw!"
"Oh, my darling, Teresa..." hinawi ko ang buhok ko, "h'wag mo namang ipahalata. Baka mamaya niyan isipin ko nang fan na fan kita."
"Ano?!"
"You knew everything that's going on in my life," nagkibit-balikat ako, "sorry to say but I don't do social media anymore kaya 'di ko nakikita ang pinagyayabang mo achievement-ay, mayro'n ba?"
Her mouth parted angrily, looking for words.
"H-Hindi ka naman na makakasayaw! Loser! Why don't you just-"
"Do you have a pen, perhaps? Maybe an autograph would shut that annoying mouth? Medyo sumasakit na kasi ang ears ko. Sobrang tinis? No offense, ah?" ngumuso ako, "I'm so sorry, Teresa, but I'm not in the mood to argue. Pirmahan ko na lang ang souvenir mo sa akin d'yan para hindi ka na umiyak."
"How dare you!" she hissed.
"Wala?" nagkibit-balikat ako, "oh, too bad. See you again na lang, maybe bring a magazine with my face in the cover next time? Oh, you should wait for the newest edition, I am the cover girl again. Mag pre-order ka na lang kasi mabilis ma-sold out."
"A-Akala mo magaling ka?! 'Di ka pa rin makakasayaw! I could, still! Feeling mo sobrang galing mo porket sumikat ka ulit! You are a loser, Sibyl! Trying hard! Wanna be! Pangit ng acting mo! Pangit ng damit mo at ng bag na 'yan! Anong laman niyan? Kasikatan mo?! Wala?"
Hinarap ko na siya. It fed her pride, I guess, seeing my face.
Huh! I don't care if she'll give me names but no one would insult this bag my Ate Crest gave! This costs thousand dollars and I like it!
"Well, why don't we see what's inside this bag?" inangat ko ang bag na maliit sabay bukas ng maliit na pocket, "so, as we can see, the small pocket contains the only remaining patience I have for you! Wow!" I said in sarcasm.
Bumusangot siya.
"And guess what's in this bigger pocket right here?" binuksan ko ang medyo malaking zipper sabay pasok ng daliri ko para kunwari'y kuha ng laman.
"Oh!" namilog ang mata ko. Teresa gave me a curious look and gently, I removed my finger from the bag and showed her my middle finger.
"Bitch!" she screamed. Kumindat lang ako sabay paikot ng bag sa daliri, kumekembot pang lumabas.
Akala ko'y makakalaya na ako pero pagkalabas at nakita si James na nakasandal at mukhang nag-aantay ay napairap na ako sa hangin.
"Sibyl!" he called and followed me when I walked past him. "How are you?"
"Good, James," sagot ko at lakad. Sumabay siya sa akin at muling nagtanong kaya nairita na ako. "What do you need?" I stopped and faced him.
"U-Uh..." namula siya. "Do you have time for dinner?" he asked.
"What?" I shot him a ridiculous look, "don't you have a girlfriend?"
Tumikhim siya, "Teresa just blackmailed me to cheat with her, Sib! I swear, all this time, it's still you I'm into!"
Slowly, I smiled. His face softened, waiting for my response.
"Oh, James," I clutched my chest. Mas lumaki ang ngiti niya. "Share mo lang?"
"Sib-"
"Manuod ka pa ng ibang movies, hmm? Sobrang gasgas ng linya mo, nakakakilabot." I showed him my goosebumps, "and dinner? Maybe try to ask my secretary for a slot at baka mapagbigyan ka. Tho, I doubt. I don't spare time with irrelevant people, sorry, dear."
Tumalikod ako at nilagpasan siya pero muling sumigaw.
"Ano?! Sinong dine-date mo? 'Yong lalaking kahalikan mo noon?! Eh, balita ko mahirap naman 'yon! You are better with me! I'm sure he's poor and I have a good family! I'm better than that boy of yours!"
I was chilling but hearing that, my blood boiled. Hinarap ko at naglakad ako pabalik kay James na tumaas pa ang noo para ipagyabang.
"I'm a celebrity! You are, too! Maganda ang chemistry natin! I'm way better than that bastard-" I slapped him across the cheek.
"You? Better?" I tilted my head, "I don't need comparison who's better because there's nothing good about you, James. I don't need to compare my man to you. Walang-wala ka sa kalingkingan niya."
"Bitch..."
"Oh no, James. I'm a devil." I smiled coldly, "isang beses ko pang marinig ang kahit anong masamang sasabihin mo sa kanya, hindi mo gugustuhing makita paano ako magalit."
Now, I'm pissed of going here.
Halatang-halata nina Rey ang mood ko kaya dinaanan nila ang café para sa kape ko at pagkauwi at narinig ang pamilyang nag-uusap ay nakinig.
"Sorry, Dad. I have some matters to attend to. Wala ba sina Mama at Papa?"
"May world tour ulit, alam mo na," Dad chuckled. "Sige, ayos lang naman siguro 'yon. Papadala na lang natin ang share. Ika-cancel ko na lang ang booking sa hotel."
"Hi," bati ko.
The two of them glanced at me, my Dad's smile widened upon seeing me.
"Hi, pretty ghourl! Grabeng ganda naman ng anak ko, oh!" he greeted, "I heard you went to the recital? How was it? You great, princess?"
Not really, I'm annoyed with Teresa and that asshole James!
"Yup, great, Daddy Gwapo," lumapit ako bago humalik sa pisngi ni Kuya at yumakap kay Daddy na sinalubong kaagad ako ng bisig niya.
"Great to hear that, you doing well, anak? Kumusta?" ngumiti siya at kinuha ang bag ko sa akin sabay abot ng platito ng chips para bigyan ako. "How are you feeling? It's your first time watching ballet in actual again, right? Sana sinabihan mo 'ko para samahan ka ni Daddy Zeij."
My heart melted, hearing it.
"Don't worry, Dy. I actually enjoyed watching the kids. Don't mind me."
"Really?" malambing niyang tanong at ngumiti sa akin. "How's your day, anak? Tell us, Kuya and I will listen."
I'm not a good speaker but I told the two most important men of my life how's my day-except of course kay James at Teresa. I told them where I went and what did I do and it was heartwarming seeing them listening intently.
I'm important to them. Mahal na mahal ako ng pamilya ko.
I would never forget how affected my Dad is after my incident. He was paranoid. They never left me alone inside my hospital room after that. He might be masking it with a smile everytime but when I'm asleep, I know he was crying to my Mom, saying na hindi niya raw kakayanin kapag may nangyaring masama sa amin.
I felt bad. I know how it affected him. He was the family's sunshine but he lost his light when he witnessed what I almost did. I could never forget the agony when Dad cried while showing Mommy my letter for him.
And right now, I'm still making it up to him. He might not tell me, I know I scarred his heart. He's extra protective now to us, he's extra careful and conscious. Araw-araw ay hindi niya kami nakakaligtaan tanungin kung kumusta ang araw. He will always assure us he will always be hear to listen if there is something that worries us.
"Daddy will always have my perfect kids' back, okay?" he would reassure everytime, "hindi namin kayo papabayaan ni Mommy n'yo. Mahal na mahal namin kayo. Kayo ang buhay namin."
And I wanna do better, attending my remaining therapies for myself and for my family.
I couldn't bear breaking my father's heart again. Natatakot akong baka tuluyan nang mawala ang liwanag sa kanya. Mahal na mahal ko sila.
"Ano nga pala 'yong usapan n'yo? 'Yong kay Kuya?"
"Oh, nag-imbita lang ang business partner ng farm. Alam mo na, usual auction for a cause."
"What's the cause?" I asked.
"Tulong sa mga farmers sa ibang lugar," aniya, "gusto sana nilang um-attend tayo at sinasabihan ko nga itong Kuya mo kaso may gagawin daw. 'Di naman makapunta sina Mom at Dad at may late honeymoon."
Nagkatawanan kami roon.
"When? Where?"
"Bukas ng gabi sana sa Cebu," ani Dad. Tumango ako. "Magpapadala na lang tayo ng donation."
Buong gabi akong walang magawa dahil tapos na ang shooting ng half ng telenovela namin, sa sunod pa ang next half. Walang scheduled shoot for this week at walang inspirasyon sa photography kaya bored na bored ago.
Then, a snap made me jump out of the bed at three A.M.
I'm going to Cebu!
Kaya madaling-araw ay gising na gising ako para mag-pack ng necessities. I'm planning to stroll around Cebu after and enjoy this week! Baka magka-inspirasyon at busy na ako sa sunod na linggo!
Gulantang sina Dad nang kinabukasan ng hapon pagkagising dahil 'di ako natulog buong gabi ay in-announce kong dadalo ako.
Sabay-sabay silang napatingin sa akin, si Twinkle ay nahulog pa ang kinakain.
"We cancelled the hotel booking, princess," gulantang na sabi ni Dad.
"No worries, I'm a big girl." I smiled and fixed my shades, "I could find one for myself."
"Seryoso ka, anak?" Mommy asked, "papasama mo ba sina Rey? Let me call him para may kasama ka."
"No, no..." I shook my head. "I wanna spend a me time, parents. Busy na kasi ako next week and you know? Baka magka-inspiration sa photography, I'm currently having a creative block."
"Pero may mga tao roon, paano kapag pinagkaguluhan ka?" Dad asked.
"I'll be very careful," I reassured, "please? Please, Dad? Me time? I'll be a good girl, I swear! Just one week!"
"Tatawag ka?" Dad asked. I nodded.
Nagkatinginan sila ni Mommy at nang tumango ang huli ay napabuntonghininga na siya.
"Alright, let me call Dash-beybe to reserve you a seat," ani Dad. "Behave, alright? Call me always para 'di ako mag-aalala."
"Come on, Zeij, malaki na si Sib." Ngumiti si Mommy.
"Nope, Misis. Malaki na pero pretty ghourl ko pa rin 'to, ano? Little princess ko pa rin ang anak ko," ngumiti sa akin si Dad, "careful, alright? Call me so I would know where are you."
I refused to let them book a hotel for me. I'll be Miss Independent for this week!
Si Tito ang piloto ng nasakyan kong eroplano habang si Darshana naman ay kumindat pa habang nag-aabot ng foods.
"Call me if you need anything, Sib,"
"Thanks, Darsh," ngumiti ako.
Habang nasa airport kanina ay nag-search na ako ng mga hotel malapit sa airport. I even asked my Tito and Darsh about the nearest hotel at tinuro nila sa akin ang direksyon. Nagtawag pa si Tito Dash ng taxi para sa akin habang balot na balot ang mukha ko.
"Be careful, anak. Zeijan-beybe would kill me kapag may nangyari sa 'yo," ani Tito. "Same hour, on Sunday, okay?"
"Yes, Tito. Thank you!" I kissed his cheek and Daru's, hugging them for goodbye.
"Ingat, anak," ani Tito sabay lusot ng ulo niya sa driver at kausap na ihatid ako sa hotel na malapit. He even took a photo for the plate number and check the driver's identity before letting me go.
Nang ibaba ako ng driver sa hotel ay hila-hila ko ang maletang pumasok sa five-star hotel. There are crowds around but I knew they aren't the kind to disturb public figures having a me time. For sure, sanay na sanay na sila sa artista kaya 'di ako natakot na tanggalin ang cap at shades.
I pulled my large violet maleta. The heels from my knee-length boots made a sound as I walked towards the hotel's front desk.
I'm wearing a long-sleeved dress with a white belt on my waist. Diretso ang kulay tsokolate kong buhok, nag-ingay pa ang bangle bracelets ko nang kumaway nang may tumawag sa aking fan ata pero hindi naman ako nilapitan.
"Hi," I greeted the stunned receptionist, "I'd like to book a room."
"Miss..." suminghap siya, "Miss Sibyl po, hindi ba?"
"Hi, yes," tumango ako sabay lahad ng kamay sa kanya. "Nice meeting you-I glanced at her name plate-Lorraine. I love your hair."
"Talaga po?!" namilog ang mata niya sabay hawak sa buhok, "thank you, Miss! Ang ganda n'yo rin po lalo sa personal!"
Marami nang nagsabi niyan. Camera didn't give justice to this ethereal beauty.
"Thank you-"
"Sibyl?!" I jumped in shock, shifting my face, jaw dropping upon seeing who it was.
"L-Liza?!" singhap ko.
Tumili kaming pareho. Walang pakialam na binitawan ko ang hawak na maleta at tumatalong tumakbo palapit sa kanya.
"Friend!" tili niya nang maglapit at magyakap. We were screaming like teenagers, embracing each other tightly, squeezing.
Nangilid ang luha ko nang maramdaman ang pamilyar niyang init.
"Oh, God! I missed you!" I whispered and hugged her tighter.
"Na-miss din kita!" suminghap siya at nang marinig kong humikbi siya ay tuluyan nang nahulog ang luha ko. "A-Ayan, pinaiyak mo ako, Sib!" sabay hampas niya sa akin. Masakit.
"Sakit, ah!" iyak ko sabay hampas din sa kanya, "k-kumusta?!"
Lumayo ako sa kanya para pagmasdan siya, nangingiti. "Mas lalo kang gumanda, friend!" I noticed.
"Bolera, ako pa raw ang maganda! Ikaw nga diyosa!" she gasped and pointed me, "teka, mamaya na tayo mag-iyakan! Masyado na tayong nadadala ng damdamin! Bakit ka nga pala nandito?"
"Oh, gosh. Oo nga pala! Wait," humiwalay ako saglit kay Liza para balikan ang front desk.
Dumukwang ako para kunin ang maleta nang may humawak kasabay ko sa handle para tulungan ako sa pag-angat. The warm, large and calloused palm touched mine and helped.
"Thank you, Sir-" my voice faded upon seeing that familiar black eyes staring. My throat dried up.
"Oh, Sol! Nandito ka na!" Liza exclaimed but my eyes are trained on his black orbs staring at me, too.
Mas gumwapo siya. Tang ina.
Impit na tumili si Liza at doon na ako napatalon at nahila ang kamay ko paalis sa handle ng maleta. It almost fell again kaya inabot ko pero inabot din ni Sol kaya muli kaming naghawak at nagkatitigan.
Nagwala ang pesteng puso ko.
"Teka, harang na maleta, excuse me!" biglang may humila ng maleta paalis kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin para balingan si Liza na kinuha paalis.
"Namiss ko kayo! Group hug!" I was about to ask her why she did at but I was shocked when she hugged us both to the side. Napaabante kaming sabay at nagdikit sa biglang yakap ni Liza sa gilid.
My palms went on his hardened chest as my cheek collided with his. Muntik na akong mawalan ng balanse sa gulat pero ang palad ni Sol ay napunta kaagad sa baywang ko.
"Liza, dahan-dahan. Nasasaktan." His manly voice made me shiver.
"Ay sorry! Na-miss ko lang kayo! Mas mahigpit na group hug!" hagikhik niya bago muli kaming niyakap, mas mahigpit pa kaya mas nagdikit kami ni Sol at mas nagwala ang pesteng puso ko. I smelled his manly scent, making me bite my lip.
Kung 'di pa tumikhim ang receptionist ay 'di pa umalis ang humahagikhik na si Liza, "-you're welcome." Mabilis niyang sinabi kay Sol kaya nagtaka ako.
Namilog ang mata niya, "ay, hala! Nagyakap! Opps! Sorry!"
Lumunok ako at unti-unting lumayo sa pagkakadikit kay Sol. His large palm smoothened on my back. Nanginginig pa ata ang labing nagsalita, "S-Sol..."
"Miss Sandejas..." he greeted back formally. My heart dropped.
Binawi ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at sumulyap sa receptionist.
Miss Sandejas... wow... of course, Sib. What would you expect? Him with his arms wide-open for you?
Akala ko 'yon lang ang makakasira sa saya ko pero mas nasira pa nang sabihin ng receptionist na wala na silang available room para sa akin. Napuno raw bigla sa online booking kaya ngayon...
"What?" I gasped.
Sol was looking at me as I scrolled on my phone but I didn't give him a glance. I was busy checking for any available hotels around.
"Sa kwarto ko sana kaso..." suminghap si Liza, "kaso nando'n mga officemates ko at puno. Gusto mo samahan kita? Hanap na lang tayo ibang hotel?"
"No, it's okay," umiling ako kay Liza na tumutulong kakahanap ng hotel sa online. "Don't worry 'bout me. Hassle pa."
"Ano ba 'yan kasi... wala na ba talaga, Miss?" ani Liza sa receptionist.
"Ma'am, sorry. Sakto po kasing pag-check ko, na-book sa online ang natira."
And now, I'm doomed. Doomed for not having a room at this time of the night and doomed because my knees are wobbling at Sol's enticing stares.
Nakasandal siya sa may reception, nakahalukipkip at pinapanuod kami ni Liza. I did my best not to look for him but of course, I am checking him out secretly.
Same as before, matangkad, moreno at gwapo. Nga lang, pansin na pansin ko ang mas lalong pag-ganda ng kanyang katawan. Mas lumapad ang balikat at mas naging maganda ang hubog ng braso.
Parang p'wede akong balibagin ng isang kamay.
What the fuck, Sib?
He's hot on his shirts before but I am not ready seeing him in a casual white dress shirt with the first three buttons open, slacks and shiny black shoes.
Maayos at malinis ang pagkakaparte ng kanyang buhok, ang kalahating parte ay bahagyang nahuhulog sa noo.
Our gazes met. Napaayos siya ng tayo at biglang umiwas, napapahawak sa batok.
Ngumuso ako at umiling.
Calm down, Sib! Your problem's the hotel room!
I prayed for the Gods to let me rest tonight since I'm really tired na and it seemed like my prayers are heard.
A familiar man went to the reception.
"Sib?"
"Henry!" I called happily, in shock. Nagyakap kami at beso saglit.
"How are you? Mas gumanda ka! What's the matter?" he asked and I told him my problem.
Henry is a co-model, I've been with him to three consecutive photoshoots. We had our work-related dinners at ang alam ko'y madalas siyang naglalagi sa Cebu kaya nagtanong ako kung saan p'wedeng mag-stay.
"How 'bout you stay in my room?" aniya.
Kumunot ang noo ko. Sol shifted on his position, nakita ko ang pagkurot ni Liza sa kanya.
"No, no, I mean, I have a place nearby. I was merely staying in this hotel for tonight at aalis din siguro mamayang madaling-araw sa pupuntahang event. How 'bout you take it instead? Aagahan ko na lang punta."
"O-Oh..." umiling ako, "no, it will be trouble. I'm okay, hahanap na lang akong bago-"
"I insist, Sib," he took my hand for a squeeze. "Take it. It could save you trouble in finding a new one."
"Henry..." my heart softened, "what could I give you in return, then?"
"A dinner, perhaps?" he asked. "Sorry, I've been dying to ask to dine with you kaso mukhang busy ka-"
"She'll take my room." Napatalon ako nang may malakas na naglapag ng key card sa may desk at bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay binuhat na ng nakasimangot na Solomon ang maleta ko paalis, walang pasabi.
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