Kabanata 21
Long chapter ahead! Please read with caution. Sensitive topics will be discussed.
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Kabanata 21
My whole life is at the soles of my feet, in highest tiptoes—how ironic it is to end up getting stomp, crashing all the thing I've worked hard for years?
I couldn't comprehend in words and grasp for reasons why it is that the only thing that's keeping me alive and sane was also taken away from me?
If it's the fate's way for me to face my bad deeds and get a taste of my karma... parang... parang sobra naman ata? Parang 'di ko kakayanin? Parang...
Mas sumikip ang dibdib ko at kinuyom ang kamay.
"Darling..." Mom whispered beside me.
No, no, no... I must be overreacting, right? I just landed incorrectly. It's just like tripping, right? After some rest, I'll be back to dancing!
"Good afternoon," kaagad na hinanap ng mata ko ang pinagmulan ng boses at nakita ang lalaking may asul na mga mata't suot ang isang lab coat.
"Roux..." tumayo si Dad para batiin ang doktor na pumasok.
"Zeij," the doctor greeted back. They did a quick man hug bago lumingon sa akin ang Daddy, ang mga mata'y malamlam.
"Is this your daughter?" the tall man asked. I noticed how he and Dad looked a bit alike. I saw tattoos peeking from his neck.
"Yes," tumango si Dad at lumapit sila sa akin. "Thank you for seeing us. I know you're busy."
"It's nothing, really," umiling ang lalaki at tinapik ang likod ni Dad. "It's been so long since we last saw each other. Isa pa, it's nice finally seeing my nieces and nephews."
It stunned me hearing him speaking in Tagalog but got over it quickly.
"This is my wife, Alyx," Dad introduced. Mom smiled a bit and shook his hand. "And these are my children, Zion, Zire and Sibyl. Mga anak, this is your Uncle Roux," Dad introduced us to him.
We greeted him back. I can't find a genuine smile but managed to give him a force one which I hope he'd appreciated. Tumango siya sa akin at ngumiti pabalik.
"I just got the x-rays. You fell from a stunt, Sibyl? Ballerina, correct?" he inquired.
Nervously, I nodded, hopeful for good news from him.
"Can you elaborate what happened?"
"I-I..." I find it painful to remember everything, "My co-ballerina was lifting me up for a move and I was supposed to jump down in tiptoes when I landed incorrectly. I heard a s-snap and... I fell..."
Kumuyom ang kamay ko at humugot ng hininga. Pinisil ni Mommy ang kamay ko at hinalikan ang buhok ko bago bumulong para kalmahin ako.
"Based on what your x-ray results showed, what happened to you was a common dance injury. You have a torn Anterior Cruciate Ligament or what we referred as an ACL injury." My hand shook upon hearing it. I felt my mom gripping it harder.
Of course, I knew it, I've heard it before. I knew how dancers lost their motivation to dance because of it. I know how it killed dreams and hearing it from an orthopedic surgeon confirmed my assumptions.
This is the end for me...
"She will be okay, right?" Mom asked, "what should we do, Doc?"
"Of course, she will be okay. However, this would take extra measures since Sibyl is a professional dancer—a ballerina at that. After her surgery, she would have to undergo physical therapies—"
"Surgery?" mahinang tanong ko, gulat at nanginginig ang boses. "I'll need a surgery?"
"Yes, Sibyl," he nodded. My throat dried up. I shook my head at him.
"N-No, Doc, I couldn't have surgery..." umiling ako. "That would affect my dancing. I'm a ballerina and... there are alternatives, right? Therapies without surgeries?"
"That's..." nang makita ko ang lungkot sa mata niya ay hindi ko na kinailangan ang kanyang sagot. "—impossible for your case, Sibyl. The torn on your ligament will require surgery."
Nablangko na ang utak ko matapos iyon. Patuloy na nag-usap ang parents ko at ang doktor pero ang utak ko ay mas gumulo. Naghahalo ang boses nila at ang boses ng mga demonyo sa utak.
This is my end...
"She could still dance, right?" Dad asked eagerly, "she's auditioning for a principal role for ballet. She'll be alright after months, yes?"
"For a normal person, yes, but for athletes and dancers, that ligament was used extensively for their strength and movements. It won't be easy but I knew dancers who came back after physical therapy. I know dancers back on the show after years." He explained.
It caught my attention. I felt my stomach churned I wanted to vomit.
"Y-Years?" my voice trembled, hearing it. "Tell me that's just your estimate, Uncle."
Napatitig sa akin ang doktor at nang bahagya niyang iniling ang ulo ay tuluyan nang bumagsak ang mga luha ko.
"No... No..." I shook my head, naramdaman ang pamamasa sa pisngi. "I can't stop dancing for years!" I screamed and cried.
"Sibyl—"
"N-No, no, My! T-Tell me he's lying!" umiling ako kay Mommy nang hawakan niya ang balikat ko. "I-I can't stop for years! I can't! T-This is my life!" nanginginig na nilingon ko ang doktor. "A-And how sure you I'll be b-back? You said... you said you k-knew some! But not everyone!"
Malakas na at histerikal ang sigaw ko pero kalmado pa rin ang doktor habang pinagmamasdan ako.
"I believe in you, Sibyl. You are Zeijan's daughter and I know you're strong. You can do this—"
"S-So I'm right..." mas nanginig ang boses ko sa realisasyon, "t-there's a possibility I won't r-recover..."
Dad was alerted after hearing me, "hindi, anak." Umiling siya, "gagaling ka—"
"N-No," mas umiling ako, nangatal. "I-I don't believe you. T-Tell me, doc, is there a possibility I won't—"
Dad shook his head to stop me, his eyes bloodshot. "No, Sibyl! Gagaling ka! Tell her, Roux—"
"Yes, Sibyl. There is a possibility you won't dance again." He said straightforwardly. My heart fell.
"Rouge!" Dad exclaimed harshly and pushed to grip him. "What the fuck!"
"Zeij..." the doctor called calmly, didn't care at all even if my father's gripping his shirt tightly and enraged. "We should tell her. I don't want to give false hopes—" Dad punched him.
I screamed and covered my mouth. Kuya ran and pulled Dad but he won't let go.
"Fuck you, Rouge! How dare you say that! My daughter will fucking recover, you understand me?! My daughter will dance again! Tell her!" histerikal na sigaw ni Dad. Impit akong napaiyak habang pinagmamasdan siya.
Dad...
"Zeijan!" sumigaw si Mommy bago mabilis na puntahan ang huli.
Zirena cried, she ran closer and hugged me.
"Zeij..." umiling ang doktor at tinanggal ang dugo sa gilid ng kanyang labi. "It would be more painful for her to let her believe that. I know people who recovered and let's hope, I believed it, too, that she would dance again."
"No! Fuck you!" my Dad's breath turned heavier. "Gagaling ang anak ko! Gagaling siya kaya wala kang karapatang sabihing 'yan sa anak ko! P-Pangarap niya 'yan! Putang ina, h-hindi p'wede... hindi p-p'wedeng..."
"S-Stop..." umiiling kong bulong.
"I'm sorry, Zeij."
"Tang ina, bawiin mo!" Dad screamed and gripped him again even if Mom was stopping him. He overpowered her and pounced on the doctor by slamming him on the floor.
"Stop..." muli kong bulong at nang marinig ang masasakit na iyak ng kapatid ay mabilis ko siyang niyakap para itago sa nangyayari.
"Fuck!" Kuya Zy cursed and vanished inside to go out and call someone.
"Zeijan! Let go of him!" my Mom hissed and pulled him but he won't bulge, still gripping the surgeon's shirt.
"You can't fucking dictate what would happen to my daughter! You understand me?!" Dad exclaimed, shaking. I could feel his rage, frustrations and tension while hissing. "My daughter would dance again!"
"Stop!" I screamed. "I-I said stop!"
"Zeijan!" the door opened. I saw my uncles running inside and helped pulling my father away from the doctor when they had the chance.
Dad fell on the floor, shaking.
Lumapit si Papa Jer sa doktor at may sinabi. Tumango ang huli, ni walang bakas ng galit sa mukha bago tumingin.
"I'm sorry, Zeij," mahinahon niyang sabi habang nasa lapag si Dad bago kami nilingon. "I will be back later, Alyx... Sibyl..." when he glanced at me and saw the pity in it, I avoided his gaze and lowered my head to cradle my younger sister sniffing and hugging me.
"Anong ginagawa mo, Zeijan?!" singhal ni Tito Iñigo sa kanya pero kaagad na nawala ang kunot ng noo nang marinig ang boses niya.
"K-Kuya..." my father's voice trembled, "K-Kuya, 'y-yong p-pretty ghourl ko..."
He cried. Oh, damn me. Mas nanginig ang balikat ko at napaiyak.
"K-Kuya Raf... K-Kuya... s-sinungaling siya, 'yong a-anak ko..." his voice broke me.
"Shit..." bulong ni Tito at napaiwas na ako ng tingin nang lumuhod siya—sila para abutin at pantayan si Daddy sa lapag.
"I-It's gonna be okay, Ate..." Zire whispered, sobbing as she hugged me.
My mother came, caged us on her arms and whispered positive things in my ear but I can't process any word. I know... I know this is the end for me.
Days and a few months had passed. They did everything they could for me.
Top specialists in the field. Expensive and world class hospitals abroad—that's where my life revolved.
I was in a wheelchair. My accident has become the talk of the town after trying our best to hush them to lessen my stress but rumors have wings. Some might've taken pity on me but, most of them celebrated for my downfall. I've cut my communication with the media and focused on my recovery but no matter how I try...
I keep on fucking failing!
My family had to go back and forth here and back to the Philippines and I hated it. I hated it that I'm disrupting their activities because of this bullshit of an injury!
Lumalaban naman ako! Umaasa na makasayaw muli pero sa bawat araw na lumilipas ay namamatay ang mga katiting na pag-asang iyon.
I changed my number not to entertain any messages from any other people in my field and it was disheartening knowing I'd have to cut myself again after giving people a piece of me...
I feel bad but I have to cut my communication with Liza at the same time. She was worried of me, she kept on calling and texting about me. Ang tanging naging sagot ko lang sa kanya'y ayos lang ako at nagpapagaling. I let her know I might've to cut our communication while I'm recovering but I know we can't be friends again after this.
I'm not a hypocrite to get in a person's life again after leaving them. Liza doesn't deserve a friend like me. She didn't deserve someone who's afraid of opening themselves... I don't deserve her either. She was kind while I was this...
The last thing I've heard from her when I cut my communication with her was that My Sol and Fritzy left. Solomon got an offer from a well-known company abroad and I heard he landed a high position and well-paid opportunity.
I'm proud of him... I knew it. I knew he'll do well because he's a great person. He's smart, innovative. A loving and responsible father to Fritzy.
It's disheartening knowing someone like him but in the end, it's just it. Knowing him.
Sa lahat ng mga pangit na ala-ala ko, isa ang mga nangyari at nakilala ko sa Sta. Monica sa mga magagandang parte nito.
Those people I've loved will remain inside my heart. Even if it's just merely beating now—not living—big parts of it will be for them, giving me a light spark.
I scrolled on my phone.
Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata ko nang makita ang isang video na nag-ani ng milyong-milyong views. It was Teresa—who now was the principal dancer—replacing me.
TeresaLovers: Go, Teresa! We love you! We're proud of you!
GoTeresa: See how great she is?! Dapat matagal ka ng naging principal dancer!
You're wayyyy better than the previous one!
GoTeresa: 'Di ko sinasabing 'yong feeling magaling na Sibyl pero parang ganon na nga!
TeresaLovers: HAHAHA! Nadali mo!
"Ma'am, good afternoon! It's time for your therapy," a feminine voice filled my ear.
GoTeresa: Sira tuloy career lol yabang kasi akala mo magaling trying hard naman
"I won't go," walang-gana kong sagot at muling nag-scroll
TeresaLovers: HAHAHA 'di na 'yan trying hard next time kasi lumpo na ata!
Mas nahulog ang luha sa pisngi ko.
GoTeresa: Sibyl pilay????
TeresaLovers: HAHAHA deserved!
"Ma'am? We should—"
"I said I don't want to go!" I screamed and looked at her angrily.
She gasped, taking a step back in shock at my sudden outburst.
She was scared but she attempted to talk to me about it when a man appeared behind her.
"My sister's gonna take a rest for today, Nurse. Thank you," Kuya Zy said. I averted his gaze and stared at my phone, reading a mixture of praises and disappointment on the comment section.
I heard the door close and his footsteps coming closer to me. Hinawi ko ang mga luha at galit na nag-scroll nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko pagkatapos dumukwang sa gilid ng wheelchair.
"Give me your phone, princess," marahang sinabi niya.
"What for? Nabasa ko na rin naman," I grasped the phone tightly. "Why are you even here? You should be in Manila."
He sighed, marahang hinaplos niya ang kamay ko bago inabot ang pisngi ko. Iritado akong umiwas nang makita ang lambing sa mata niya, sumisinghot.
Damn you, Sibyl! You shouldn't show them you're crying and weak! Lumalaban sila para sa 'yo pero ikaw itong sumusuko!
"I don't want you to be alone," aniya, "kaya nga salitan kami, hindi ba? We wanted to keep you company until you're better—"
"I'm not weak, Kuya. I can be alone," muli kong iniwas ang mukha para tumitig sa labas ng bintana at pinagmasdan ang moist galing sa ulan sa labas.
"Sibyl—"
"You don't have to babysit me!" I snapped, "I don't need you! I want to be alone! You should..." nagulat ako nang bahagyang tumayo si Kuya para yakapin ako, dahilan para matanggal ang maskarang pinagtataguan ko. "Y-You should go and do something p-productive! N-Not hang out around u-useless people like me!"
"Sshh, princess..." mas niyakap niya ako, "you're not useless, Sib. You are brave and our family are proud of you for that. Hang in there, okay? We always have your back. We're always here for you. No matter what..."
My lips pursed. I trembled.
How could they be proud of me? How? When I'm like this?
"I-I can't dance a-anymore, Kuya..." I whispered painfully.
"Don't say that, princess," he kissed my head. "I believe you would, alright? Don't mind what other people are saying, what's important is that you believe in yourself and we do. We believe you could dance again. We'll wait for it."
"R-Really? How sure are you?" my voice trembled.
"Yes..." he whispered, "believe me, pretty ghourl. Alam mo bang magaling akong mag-predict? Nasa tiyan pa nga lang ako ni Mommy na-predict ko na ang nag-uumapaw kong kagwapuhan."
I slapped his back, laughing weakly with his attempt to lighten the mood.
"There, you finally laughed," he kissed my head. "We're here for you, Sibyl. I'll fight everyone for you, hmm? I would never ever let them hurt you again."
I melted on his arms and the sobs I'm suppressing escaped, crying, weakening at him until I fell asleep.
But demons couldn't be silenced once they festered again. Bumalik ako sa kulungan ko noon pero ngayo'y mas madilim. Mas nakakatakot. Mas nakakasakal. Nightmares plunged in my sleep. Patuloy ang therapy pero sa bawat pagsubok ko'y paulit-ulit na namamatay ang pangarap ko.
"Slowly, Miss Sibyl, slowly..." the physical therapist reminded.
May mga bakal na hawakan sa magkabilang gilid ko. Si Mommy at Daddy ay nanunuod at nakaabang sa akin habang naroon sa tabi si Doc Roux na nasa harapan ko lang.
"You can do it, anak," Mommy smiled gently as I grip the metal handle.
"Go, pretty ghourl!" Dad cheered, lifting his hand for a fighting sign.
I glanced at my parents. They've been doing their best to be with me for every moment, every session, every step of the way. They have responsibilities to attend and companies to run but they wanted to stay for me.
I don't want to disappoint them, knowing they still have hope for me even if I lost mine.
"Careful, princess," paalala ni Daddy nang unti-unti akong tumayo gamit ang buong lakas at nanginginig na paa.
The therapist assisted me in walking. I almost tripped at first but she helped me.
"Do not force your legs so much, Sibyl," the doctor reminded. "Humawak ka ng maigi sa handle, d'yan mo kunin ang lakas."
With determination, I did what he asked me to. Nakapaglakad ako patungo sa pwesto nila Mom at Dad sa dulo ng metal bar sa tulong ng therapist at mga metal handle.
I glanced happily at my parents who gave me a proud smile. Pumalakpak si Daddy, malaki ang ngisi, akala mo'y nanalo sa lotto.
"Very good," Mommy winked.
"Told ya," Dad smirked happily, "you can do it, my princess! See?"
I nodded a little. Sumulyap ako kay Doc na binigyan ako ng thumbs-up at naglakad pa ako tulong ang PT pabalik-balik. It wasn't as if it was me walking independently but it was a good feeling to feel the soles of my feet again on the ground after months in the damn wheelchair.
"That's enough for now," after half an hour doing that, the doctor stopped us.
Nawala ang tuwa ko at gulat siyang tinignan, "I want to try more..."
"We still have tomorrow and the next days, Sib," tumango siya sa PT kaya nahulog ang balikat ko nang ihatid akong muli sa wheelchair.
"Why? I'm not tired, Doc," I told him, "I could still practice for another hour! A-And the more I practice, the faster I'll be back to dancing, right?"
Lumambot ang tingin niya bago ngumiti sa akin.
"You shouldn't strain yourself," umiling siya. "Take your time, don't force it."
I helplessly looked at my parents, wanting them to at least convince Uncle to let me but when I caught a glimpse of their eyes, I knew they are agreeing to the doctor.
Paulit-ulit na nangyayari iyon. Sa bawat araw na lumilipas na hindi ako nakakabalik sa isang bagay na karugtong na ng buhay ko ay nawawalan na ako ng lakas ng loob.
My family are there to motivate me, to support me and give me hope but the truth is despite it, the hopelessness I'm feeling always wins.
My family gave me everything. The support, the love—everything and I feel bad not giving them enough. I want to be more! I want to walk freely again! I wanted to bare my soul in dancing again but how ironic...
I kept on telling Fritzy before not to lose hope. Na kapag nadadapa ay tatayo at susubok ulit. Bakit ngayon? Bakit ngayong lugmok ako'y hindi na ako makatayo? Bakit... bakit ang hirap-hirap? Bakit hindi ko kaya? Bakit hindi ko magawa?!
Maybe, maybe dancing isn't for me.
"Are you okay? Let's try again, princess?" Dad asked gently, holding my hand.
Dad... ang hirap. Dad, ayaw ko na.
Ang ngiti ni Daddy nang nakitang wala akong gana ay nawala. He looked concern and I felt bad kaya dali-dali akong naglahad ng kamay sa kanya para ipakitang ayos lang.
"Alright," I nodded, smiling.
"Good girl," inalalayan ako ni Dad. "Gaan na ng prinsesa ko, ah? Kumakain ka bang maayos?"
"Opo, don't worry," I assured him.
Don't worry about me, Dad. Please, don't.
I let him assist me again in walking but I know deep inside, it kills me. It kills me not being able to show them their efforts will be worth it. That one day I'll be able to dance again but I couldn't! My legs won't! I can't!
Sukong-suko na ako. Lahat ng mga kapwa ko ballerina ay nakausad na. Teresa was getting known internationally, my co-ballerinas are having their own recitals while me... I'm stuck here. In this four-walled room with nothing but self-pity.
I kept on lying and lying to myself it's gonna be okay, that I should continue practicing but the disappointment ate me up until I lost it.
I was exhausted. Gustong-gusto kong sabihin sa parents kong ayaw ko na, na h'wag na naming pilitin dahil wala nang pag-asa ang katulad ko pero ayaw kong sirain ang determinasyon nila kagaya ng pagkakawala ng akin.
"Sinabi nang kaya ko!" singhal ko, nagpupumilit na tumayo at maglakad.
"Sibyl—"
I raised my finger, stopping my brother from speaking further. He sighed, nodding.
We were inside my hospital room. I kept on insisting I could walk to my bed with their help but they kept on insisting to help me! Paano naman ako tatayo kung palaging may umaalalay! Kaya ko naman! Kakayanin ko!
First step... I did it.
Nilingon ko si Kuya na nakaangat ang kamay kung sakaling mahulog ako. I smiled at him.
"See?" I mumbled.
"Great," ngumiti siya pero bakas pa rin ang pag-aalala sa mata. "Now, it's okay. Ang sabi ni Uncle, sa ilang araw p'wede ka nang maglakad ng walang alalay. H'wag muna ngayon at—" the door opened and Adira appeared with an iced coffee in her hand.
"Sib!" she blurted, I smiled.
"Hey, Adi! Look, I'm walking!" I let her know happily, taking another step successfully,
"Wow!" napatalon-talon siya sabay lapit kay Kuya na natawa sa reaksyon niya't ginulo pa ang buhok.
"Kakarating mo lang, Adi?"
"Opo!" she nodded and lifted her hand, "bumili ako ng coffee ni Sib at sakto pa lang reward kasi nakakalakad na siya!"
My heart swelled. The two of them watched me as I took another step successfully.
My smile widened, "see?!" but the same time, my knees buckled and lost my balance. My body got slammed on the side of the bed.
"Sibyl!" sabay nilang tawag sa akin bago tumakbo para dumukwang palapit sa akin. Natulala ako habang nakatitig sa tuhod ko.
"You okay?!" marahang binuhat ako ni Kuya mula sa lapag papunta sa higaan ko. Adira cupped my cheek and gasped loudly when she saw my eyes.
"W-Why are you crying..." she whispered, her eyes teary. "K-Kuya Zy! Kuya, si Sib, umiiyak! Baka masakit 'yong paa niya!"
"Masakit?" Kuya panicked, lifting my feet slowly to the bed. "Tatawag akong doktor—"
"No!" I exclaimed. Nilingon niya ako.
"Sibyl, we have to get you checked—"
"No..." umiling ako at bumaba ang tingin sa mga paa ko, "I-I'm sorry... I j-just... w-what if I'm one of t-those people who couldn't dance, a-anymore?"
"Sib..."
I cried loudly, sobbing. Adira hugged me, too, and like me, she started crying.
"W-Why are you crying?" bulong ko at hinawi ang luha ni Adi, gano'n din siya sa akin habang sabay kaming umiiyak.
"K-Kasi umiiyak ka..." humikbi siya at hinawi rin ang luha ko, "s-sumasakit heart ko..."
It made me cry louder. Our hearts might be connected in a way because a small part of the pain inside my chest got relieved when she cried with me. Tila kinuha niya ang parte ng sakit na iyon, lalo na nang yakapin niya ako nang mahigpit at sumubsob sa balikat ko.
Kuya Zy looked at the bot of us back and forth, napakamot siya ng kilay at umawang ang labi.
"Ano ba kayo..." mahina niyang sabi at maya-maya'y nabakas ko na ang pamumula ng mata niya. "Wala na! Naiiyak na rin ako!"
His tear fell and before he could dry it off, lumayo sa akin si Adi, hinila si Kuya pasali sa yakap habang umiiyak.
"W-Wala na, sali ka na para iyak tayong lahat!" sabay hatak niya kay Kuya kaya nagmukha kaming baliw doong tatlo kakahikbi.
Those moments got me through the pain. But every passing day, my sanity's getting robbed away from me.
"Ma'am, good afternoon. A flower bouquet was sent again." Ang mga mata ko'y napunta sa nurse at nangiti nang makitang may mga pumpon ng bulaklak siyang dala.
I've been receiving it for quite some time now and it unknowingly lifted my mood everytime.
Kinuha ko ang maliit na card at binasa ang nakasulat.
From: Your Fan
Get well soon.
Simple pero masaya akong kahit papaano'y may mga fans pa rin akong naiwan. Niyakap ko ang bulaklak at idinikit sa noo ko.
Maraming family event akong 'di napuntahan. I missed Zire's graduation and failed celebrating with them because I got to clearance to leave when my legs are still a mess when he got into a company for journalism. To not make me sad, every member of my whole and large family travelled all the way here to celebrate with me.
I appreciate it. If I could wish for a family again, I definitely would choose them all again.
I asked my parents and my brother to tell Zire that I'm doing great here and will be back soon. That she need not to worry about me because I'm better. I could even walk now without much help from them.
I don't need her to worry for me when she began starting her dream—to become a journalist.
"Don't worry, sinabi ko kay ganda na okay ka—which is okay naman talaga," ngumiti si Daddy at hinalikan ang noo ko. "You're doing great, princess. Don't force yourself too much. You could walk now, sooner or later mapapanganga na naman sila at babalik na ang pinakamagaling na ballerina ni Daddy Zeijan!"
Pero napapagod na akong umasang makakasayaw pa. Pagod na pagod na ipakita sa kanilang nagsusumikap ako dahil ayaw ko silang masaktan para sa akin pero... hindi ko na ata talaga kaya.
I was being left behind and as long as I'm this way, I can't help but feel worthless.
I was somehow proud of myself from managing my mood swings. I was happy and responsive when my family is here but when I'm alone, all the fears are coming back. The demons sheltered themselves inside my brain and whispering me I got no future ahead of me.
"She's a famous ballerina, right?" I overheard people in the hospital talking. May it be a patient or an employee. They gossip about me.
"Was..." the other one corrected, "she won't be a ballerina, anymore. Look at her sitting on a wheelchair for months now. There's no way she could dance again!"
If I'm the usual me, I'd definitely fight them off and slammed their faces with my sharp words but I don't want to worry my parents and let them fly all the way here to check on me because I started a petty fight.
Isa pa, tama naman sila. Nakakalakad ako pero hindi pa kaya noong normal na ginagawa ko kagaya noon. My knees are weak. The doctor said it's normal and I could undergo more therapies to help with my endurance—water therapy, whatever, name it!
But none of it matter.
I made myself believe I could walk pass a tightrope with my eyes closed with the hopes of recovering but I reached the edge. And instead of reaching the ground, I felt on the endless pit of shame and hopelessness.
I began therapies to help me and start by basic dancing to see what my knees are capable off but damn it to hell, I fell a hundred times no matter how hard I try standing and trying again.
Someone filmed that shameful attempt and posted it on social media until they labelled me names again.
Sibyl: The Trying Hard
Then, comments appeared like they're birds flocking for a piece of biscuit, not caring if they shattered every piece of it.
JK_Trinidad: may nakakita nitong nakaraan sa airport! Pabalik-balik daw mga sandejas sa ibang bansa para bisitahin yan sayang pamasahe hahaha
JaneSy: Boo!!!! Karma yan kasi sama ng ugali mo! Deserved!
KyleGrim_89: Downfall ng barkada niya hahaha diba kaibigan nito yong Mila at Leah??? Mga laos damay-damay sila! Nakulong yung Mila, nakasuhan yung Leah tapos lumpo tong isa??? Hahaha karma is a bitch!
SibylProtectionSquad: LOOK AT THIS HYPOCRITES. Talaga bang masayang mangutya ng tao?
SibylProtectionSquad: Sana hindi mangyari sa inyo ang mga bagay na ginagawa n'yong katuwaan.
KyleGrim_89: HAHAHA @SibylProtectionSquad kaninong acc to? Kay Sibyl din? Wag kami! Self support si laos! Hwag ka nang bumalik! Mamatay ka nlng!
TeresaLovers: Teresa is the queen! <3
JK_Trinidad: ito lang naibang landas sa pamilya nya haha! Di kaya anak to ni alyx don sa producer???? Lol
JK_Trinidad: Nag-eeffort pa pamilya niya sa kanya kakapunta kahit di naman siya totoong anak ata lol! Mahiya ka naman teh! Pabigat ka na sa pamilya mo! Di na nga sumama nanay mo sa fan meeting akala mo vip lol wala namang fans! Kung napilay ako tas di na makasayaw wag na pilitin! Kung ako yan pakamatay na lang ako :D
JaneSy: @Sibyl_Timothea uy pakamatay ka na daw hahaha jk
SibylProtectionSquad: KULANG BA KAYO SA NUTRISYON? BALIK KAYO SA TIYAN NG MAMA NYO @JaneSy @ JK_Trinidad @ KyleGrim_89
SibylProtectionSquad: GAGO BA KAYO
KyleGrim_89: @SibylProtectionSquad tangina mo
SibylProtectionSquad: @KyleGrim_89 tangina mo rin :)))))))
SibylProtectionSquad: Sorry for the last tweets! Nawalan ng pasensya si Admin S. Don't worry, pagsasabihan namin! Stop spreading hate and let's hope for Sibyl's comeback! We, Sibyl Protection Squad always have your back, angel!
Kindly report this troll accounts: @JaneSy @ JK_Trinidad @ KyleGrim_89
-Admin L <3
Burden... I'm being a burden...
The door opened. Mabilis kong niyakap ang phone at ipinikit ang mata para magpanggap na natutulog nang marinig ang yapak ng mga paa papalapit.
"Are you sure she didn't read those?" my father's voice is what I've heard.
"Gabi lang pinost, Dad. Ngayon-ngayon lang," Kuya Zy's voice answered, "kung 'di sinabi ni Zire 'di ko rin makikita. Don't worry, we're taking it down as of the moment."
"I wanna meet the owner of this hospital," Mom's sharp voice is what I heard next.
"Misis," bumuntonghininga si Dad, "ako na ang bahala, magpahinga ka muna at baka nahihilo ka pa—"
"I don't fucking care if I'm dizzy, Zeijan Ruais. I. Want. To. Meet. The. Owner." She demanded coldly, enraged. "I can't let this one slip! This is our daughter we're talking about! Wala akong pakialam kung ako ang punteryahin nila pero hindi ang anak ko. No one dare to fucking touch my daughter and get away with it!"
"Alright," Dad sighed again, "calm down now, hmm? Sasamahan kitang kumausap, kapag nakasuntok ako h'wag mo akong pipigilan."
"I won't, Mister. I'd gladly let you punch whoever it is who spread that video." Malamig na sinabi ni Mom. "Zion, anak..."
"Yes, Mom?"
"Call Alchiel and consult what could we do about this matter. Make sure to fire whoever it is. H'wag kang papayag na makahanap pa ng trabaho ang gagong 'yon. Check the background, make sure to take out any dirt—may it be small and ruin him, you understand me?"
"Yes, Mom," Kuya answered. "Good thing she's already resting. Let's make sure she won't know any of this."
"And please, kapag napadaan ka sa market, buy me some green mangoes," ani Mom.
"Oh? Are you..." Dad trailed off.
"No, Zeijan Ruais. I just want some mangoes. Kapag mangga buntis kaagad?" Mom spat, Dad cleared his throat and said something to her in a low voice. I heard her smacking him.
I pretended to sleep while hiding my phone when they came closer to check on me.
"My darling..." bumuntonghininga si Mommy at hinalikan ang noo ko, "I love you, anak. We promise to protect you. Mommy will protect you from everything."
When they left, that's when my emotions slipped. I sobbed my heart out, trying my best not to cry loudly and let them know I've heard everything.
The slept with a heavy heart and woke up with a heavy one. I pretended not to know a thing or two but each time one issue would vanish, another one would appear until I've lost even my will to live...
They're right.
Kung sila ako, magpakamatay na lang daw ako...
"Those are bullshits, Zeijan! Ano bang ginawa ng anak natin sa kanila para gawin 'to?!" I pretended not to know but I know how they're stressing themselves because of me.
Umiling si Dad, bakas ang pagod sa mga mata. They tried to keep it lie low so it won't reach me but I know everything. Halos wala na silang tulog kakaayos ng gusto ko, bawat umaga ay nasa therapy ko para i-motivate ako para muling makasayaw pero alam kong napapagod na rin sila sa akin.
All their wasted time and energy for nothing. I'm nothing now.
All I could be proud of was dancing and it was gone.
Will ending my life take this pain to an end? Babalik ba sa normal ang pamilya ko? If I died, it doesn't matter anymore because I'm already dead inside. If I'm gone, the issues would die down. If I'm gone, matatahimik na ang pamilya ko at hindi na sila madadamay sa akin.
Matagal ko 'tong pinag-isipan. I was scared and terrified but if it's the only way to save my family from any more of my burden... if it's the only way to take the pain away then...
Madilim na madilim ang gabi. I've already scheduled my email for my love ones once I'm dead. Right now, my Daddy probably received his.
I walked, feeling numb towards the VIP suite's terrace. Sa pagbukas ko ng salaming pintuan ay sinalubong ako ng malamig na hangin at tilamsik ng mga butil ng ulan.
It was cold...
Lord, I can't do this anymore...
I took a step forward towards the terrace's metal handle.
Please... if there's anyone... please, save me... I just want to be free from this pain.
Tumayo ako paakyat sa barricade at tumitig sa maliwanag na siyudad. Buhay na buhay ang mga ilaw. Kung sana ay ako rin.
Ayokong mamatay. Ayoko. I have a lot of plans in the future but what can I do now? I have nothing. I am nothing.
Dancing... my family... Sol... Fritz... I'm sorry.
Naramdaman ko ang pamamasa ng pisngi habang nakatitig sa ibaba. If I jump, I'd definitely die.
I heaved a deep sigh. Hinawi ko ang luha sa pisngi at inangat ang paa para makatalon nang may narinig akong marahas na pagbukas ng kung ano at ang marahas at mabilis na hatak pabalik sa akin.
I screamed loudly in shock and fell on the terrace's floor with the person who pulled me back.
"What the hell are you doing, Sibyl?!" my eyes found his blue eyes and my sobs left my mouth when I saw my father.
"D-Daddy..."
"W-What are you doing!" he scolded before cupping my cheek.
"I-I'm s-sorry, Dad... sorry..."
"B-Bakit ka..." his voice trembled, shaking while kneeling in front of me. "B-Bakit ka..."
"S-Sorry..."
"N-No... no... no, princess... no." tuluyan na akong napahikbi nang makita ko ang pagbagsak ng luha niya nang mapatitig sa akin. "No, y-you don't..."
"I-I c-can't do this anymore..." I cried loudly when he caged me on his arms, hugging me so tight.
"No... no... I love you, princess..." he cried, "I-I love you..."
"Zeijan—" Mom's voice faded upon seeing us. Tumakbo siya sa amin at mabilis na lumuhod sa harapan ko habang yakap-yakap ako ni Daddy, nanginginig at umiiyak.
"W-What happened, a-anak?" marahang tanong ni Mommy habang hinahanap ang tingin ko.
"M-My..." my voice broke, "M-Mommy, p-pagod na po ako... 'di ko na kaya, M-My..."
She broke down and cried, hugging the both of us tightly.
"W-We're here..." she whispered. "A-Anak, nandito kami ni D-Daddy mo... h-hindi mo kailangang mag-isa kasi nandito kami."
I didn't know how long it is we cried altogether. My parents are hugging me so tight, whispering how much they love me and at the very moment, I regretted attempting to do it.
Binuhat ako ni Dad pabalik sa kama ko. Namumula pa ang mata niya at hinang-hina habang inilalagay niya ang kumot sa hita ko. Mom gave me a glass of water while my Dad is walking with no direction.
"Zeijan, mamaya na 'yan," mahinang sinabi ni Mommy nang walang salitang nagwalis si Dad.
Muling nagtubig ang mata ko. He's doing it to distract himself from fear. I knew it.
"Mister..." Mom gently called, "come here, baby."
Lumapit si Mom pero umiwas si Dad sa kanya at walang imik na sinarado ang salaming pintuan patungo sa terrace na binuksan ko.
"Baby..." Mom called when Dad placed his forehead on the closed door and sobs left my lips again as I covered my mouth when Dad fell on the floor and cried.
"M-Misis..." he called and cried loudly. Mom sniffed and knelt on the ground, hugging my father tightly. "M-Misis 'yong pretty ghourl k-ko..."
Kinagat ko ang labi at mas napahagulgol ko.
"'Yong a-anak ko, Alyx, 'y-yong anak ko... m-muntik na... p-paano kung..." hinahapong sinabi niya kay Mommy nang sapuin nito ang kanyang pisngi.
"C-Calm down, our princess is d-doing okay..."
"P-Paano kapag nahuli ako?" he asked, terrified. "'D-Di ko k-kakayanin, Misis. Mamamatay ako, Alyx! Mamamatay ako kapag n-nawala ang a-anak natin... 'di ko k-kaya..."
Tumayo na ako. I walked towards my parents and the moment I joined them hugging, my father broke down entirely.
My father then knelt in front of me, grasping my palm and kissing it while staring at my eyes with his bloodshot one.
"S-Sorry, Mom, Dad... sorry..." I sobbed, "h-hirap na hirap na po ako. 'D-Di ko na k-kaya. Ayaw kong m-maging pabigat sa i-inyo..."
"You aren't a burden, princess. Y-You will n-never be. T-Tell me, anak, t-tell me what I could do," he said desperately. "What could I do to e-ease your pain? T-Tell me, Daddy Z-Zeij will do everything! Everything, okay?"
I sniffed more. He looked for answer desperately.
"T-Tell me," he said desperately, "I-I will do everything... I would t-trade my legs with yours! J-Just tell me, anak... i-ibibigay ko lahat—ipipilit natin. Y-You wanna dance again? You will! I promise you, D-Dad will do anything... I'll protect you with my l-life, anak."
"Dad..." muli ko siyang niyakap, mahigpit, humihingi ng paumanhin.
"Gagawin ko..." he sobbed, "g-gagawin ko l-lahat, h-h'wag mo lang kami iwan, anak ko..."
"S-Sorry..."
"'Di ko k-kakayanin, anak. 'Di k-ko kaya! H'wag m-mo kami i-iwan... mamatay ako, a-anak ko... m-mahal na mahal k-kita..." nanginig ang boses. Ipinikit ko ang mata at mas napahikbi.
"Gagawin ko... gagawin ko l-lahat..." he whispered desperately, "h'wag mo lang kaming iwan."
Mommy hugged the both of us, her silent cries filled my ears.
"N-No one's gonna hurt you again..." he whispered, "D-Daddy will protect you with my life..."
That night, we haven't slept at all. Nasa tabi ko buong gabi ang Mommy at Daddy at kakwentuhan. They are trying to lift the mood but I couldn't deny the pain and fear I've put them through.
Turns out, luckily, my Dad and Mom are inside the hospital when I sent an email to him. My goodbye message, a suicide note and the moment Dad saw that, he came running and saved me just in time.
Lord, is this your show of mercy? Is this your way of telling me not to give up?
The three of us went to the chapel and prayed and when we came back to my room, may mga pagkain na roon. I even have two cups of my favorite iced coffee!
"We bought you two cups now, hoping it would lift your mood and—Zeijan!" Mom hissed.
Gulat kong sinulyapan si Daddy na sumisipsip na sa straw ng isa. Muntik na niyang mabuga sa gulat. Napangiti ako.
"Hoy, Zeijan Ruais! Sa anak mo 'yan," sita ni Mommy.
"Shit! Sorry, nadala lang ng damdamin—"
"It's okay, Dad. I have another one here!" tinuro ko ang isa, "it's yours..."
"Really?" Nagulat siya. My father knew I'm not fond of giving away my precious iced coffee.
"Yes!" ngumiti ako humalik sa pisngi niya bago siya niyakap sa tagiliran habang nakaupo siya sa tabi ko. "Sorry, Dad, Mom. I love you." Sabay sulyap ko kay Mommy.
Dad softened. Napapikit ako nang humalik si Dad sa buhok ko at inakbayan ako.
"It's okay, my princess, but would you promise Daddy if ever you feel like you needed help, you'd tell us?"
Nagmulat ako at pinakawalan niya ako saglit para makatingin ako sa kanya.
"I know everything, Dad, My. Sorry for hiding it." Bumuntonghininga ako nang makita ko ang pagkakatigil nilang dalawa. "The posts on social media, the issues they made up against Mom. I was just pretending not to para 'di kayo mag-alala sa a-akin."
"Sibyl..." Mom's eyes softened. She took my palm. "We don't mind taking matters into our hands. Ako, noon pa man ay tanggap at alam na kung gaano karumi ang pagiging sikat at pag-aartista. Ever since I started show business, alam kong kasama na sa buhay ang ganito—ang siraan. They can taint my name a countless times and I won't care, alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ako gano'n. Alam ng pamilya natin, alam ng Daddy mo..."
"Oo nga," Dad glanced my way, "kung 'di lang ako pinipigilan magwala ni Misis matagal na 'kong nanapak, Sibyl. Sasabihin pa nilang may lalaki ang asawa ko, eh, patay na patay nga sa 'kin 'to?"
Mom smacked him. I stifled a chuckle.
"Mahal kita pero ang kapal ng mukha mo," she rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head before looking at me. "Don't mind your father too much, darling. He's just trying to make you smile."
"That, alright," Dad nodded, "pero totoo naman din! 'Di ko maintindihan bakit sila nagpapaniwala sa mga walang kwentang tsismis! Tignan mo nga ang kagandahan ng mga anak natin?" Dad tipped my chin. "Saan ka makakakita ng ganyan ka-perfect na anak?"
"Dad..."
"Zeij..." Mom and I called in unison.
"What?" Dad snapped, "it's true! Maganda ang genes ng Mommy n'yo pero kapag sinamahan ng genes ko perfect na—" Mom covered his mouth but it doesn't stop him from murmuring something.
He got over it after but my father, being the usual sunshine he is, hid the fact that he was entertaining me to make me smile and somehow forget the pain.
"What if I really couldn't dance anymore?" mahinang tanong ko, pinagmamasdan ang paa ko. My Mom was massaging my foot while my Dad's feeding me delicious foods while I sip on my iced coffee.
"How certain are you you couldn't anymore?" Dad asked. Nilingon ko siya, umiiling.
"See? Don't give up just yet, yes, you have injury but if you have dreams—no one could hinder it, even that. Naniniwala kami ng Mommy mo, nina Kuya Gwapo mo at ni Zire-ganda na makakalagpas ka d'yan."
"No, Dad, what if wala na talaga? What if after hard therapies and despite all those expensive procedures wala na talaga? Saan na ako pupulutin? S-Saan na ako..."
"Dito ka pa rin sa amin ni Mommy mo," aniya, "Whatever happens, we will not love you less, Sibyl Timothea. No'ng pinagkaloob ka sa amin ni Mommy mo, nangako kami sa isa't-isa na aalagaan namin kayo at poprotektahan. Ano ngayon kung ayaw na sa 'yo ng mga tangang basher na 'yon? And so? Wala tayong paki kasi irrelevant sila..."
Mom and I chuckled when he rolled his eyes and annoyingly sipped on the iced coffee he had.
"Kilala kita, kilala ka namin. Talikuran o iwan ka man ng lahat, asahan mong nakaabang kami para konyatan silang lahat, anak." He proclaimed, mas natawa ako sa kanya. "'Di nila alam ga'no ko kalakas konyatan sila. Isang konyat tulog agad!"
"Pero s'yempre papalayasin natin sila pagkatapos konyatan, ano ba sila, special para pagtuunan ng pansin?" umiling si Daddy. "Wala silang karapatang husgahan ka o sabihing alam nila ang kaya mo kahit 'di ka naman kilala. Paki ko sa kanila, ako ang nagpalaki sa mga anak ko kaya mas kilala ko sila! Alam ko ang abilidad nila! Hindi ako papayag na inalaagaan at prinotektahan ko sila tapos sasaktan lang nila?"
He was saying it lightly but it struck my chest, hearing how great a father Zeijan Sandejas is.
"Ballet lang ba ang talent ng Sibyl ko? Hindi! She's good in photography! She's beautiful and she's also a model like her mother! I am sure she could ace acting, too!" he exclaimed, "they could ruin you and your mother all they like but I would never ever turn my back in this family. Patayin muna nila 'ko bago nila saktan ang pamilya ko."
Mom dried something off her cheek. Natigilan si Dad at umayos ng upo.
"Misis..."
"I-I love you, Mister," Mom sniffed and stood. May humaplos sa puso ko nang yakapin niya si Daddy at halikan. "I love you..."
Dad was stunned. I even caught him blushing with my mother's sudden love confession. Mommy isn't really showy, like me. She preferred it more when they're private, lambingan nilang dalawa ay ang aasarin ni Dad si Mom at ang huli ay kunwari maiinis sabay pabarang sagot pero magtatawanan din.
Kaya ngayon... mas lumambot ang puso ko.
"Shit... mas gumwapo ata ako sa I love you ng Misis ko! Na-record mo ba, anak?!" nilingon ako ni Dad. Pinitik ni Mom ang noo niya bago siya muling halikan at ako naman ang niyakap niya.
"I love you, darling," Mom whispered before sitting on the other side of me and for the first time again, I felt like I'm a child.
"Basta, pretty ghourl ko, kahit anong mangyari nandito lang si Daddy at Mommy." Pinisil ni Dad ang kamay ko, "through good and bad times, we are family. Sa saya man o pagkakalugmok, nandito kami para sa 'yo. H'wag mo sanang isipin na mag-isa ka lang kasi nandito kami. At hindi ka walang kwenta, kayo nina Kuya mo at Zire, kayo ang buong buhay namin ng Misis ko."
I hugged them both. The sun's already escaping from the white curtains and when the hospital door opened and we saw Kuya and Zire, my smile widened.
"Ate ko!" ang dalaga ay malaki ang ngiti habang naglalakad palapit.
"Nagyayakapan sila! Nakakahiya naman baka p'wedeng pa-join?" Kuya Zy smirked.
"Come on! Let's show our Sibyl how much we love her," ani Mommy at mas naging mainit ang pakiramdam ng puso ko nang ipitin nila ako ng mahipit na yakap, puno ng pagmamahal.
We only stopped when we heard Dad crying. Sabay-sabay kaming napahiwalay at napatigin sa kanya na sumisinghot at umiiyak na.
"Mister?" Mom asked, "bakit ka umiiyak..."
"W-Wala lang, Misis ko," suminghot siya sabay palibot ng tingin sa aming lahat. "'Di lang ako makapaniwala na sobrang perfect ng family natin."
And that, ladies and gentleman is Zeijan Ruais in a nutshell.
Thank you, Lord. I love this family so much. Thank you for saving me.
Naging mahirap pero sa tulong ng pamilya'y kahit papaano'y nakaahon ako sa pagkakalugmok. Hindi man buong-buo dahil hindi iyon gano'n kadali pero naramdaman kong kahit paano'y nakakausad ako.
I undergone therapies not just for my legs but also for my mental and emotional health. Tito Thorn had assessed me and concluded I am showing signs of depression caused by my accident and any other stressors.
I let go of dancing, I realized that's what's making me so stressed. Kapag sumusubok kasi ako'y 'di makaya ng tuhod ko kaya naiiyak na lang. Uncle Roux said it would take time for me to dance again and that's only if my knees would allow me so, I let it go. Even if it's painful.
If dancing is meant for me, it will come back along the way.
Inilaan ko sa ibang bagay ang oras sa halip na magmukmok sa kalungkutan. I cut off from social media, during the past months, I'm literally a ghost to everyone.
Pabalik-balik ako sa Pinas at ibang bansa dahil nakatanggap ang manager ko ng maraming brand offers para mag-model ako sa kanila nang ma-feature ako ni Auntie Mauve sa isang sikat na international magazine para sa cosmetics.
The magazines sold more than a few hundred thousand copies. The cosmetics I featured sold out! I also took advantage of my not so professional photography skills and guess what? I just secured a spot for a high-profiled international exhibit only for my photos! Only for me!
Ang inaantay ko na lang ay acting! If I'm not dancing anymore, then, I should take advantage of my hidden talents at acting na lang ang natitira sa bucket list ko!
"Wow... you've taken all these in Sta. Monica?" tumango ako kay Mama na niyakap pa ako sa tuwa habang pinagmamasdan ang pictures.
The gallery's theme exhibit is dancing and art.
My photos are featured has three sections—The Beauty of Pain—photos I've taken years ago while I'm still dancing. The position, the silhouette of a ballet dancer, the painful aftermath of wearing the pointe shoes.
The second section is about tragedies of dancing, it was photos of me while recovering. Tho, my face isn't seen since I might ruin the aesthetic and the last section was named "Solace" meaning calm and freedom.
The photos featured not just the beauty of Sta. Monica in the background but also featuring photos of me and Fritzy dancing. Hindi kita ang mukha namin doon.
There are two dancing shoes on the floor, one larger for me and smaller for Fritzy's use. May picture pa kaming nakatalikod habang background ang palayan, pati ako na bagsak ang buhok at suot ang kulay puting dress at nakataas ang kamay.
There are workers, unseen animal and kambing poo. May picture pa nga silang tinatawanan dahil ang cute daw. It was Pookie with our self-made replica pointe shoes for her. Ginawa namin ni Fritzy 'yan!
"I'm proud of you, darling!" mas lumawak ang ngiti ko nang makita ang mga pinsan. Si Daddy at Mommy ay mahigpit akong niyakap habang inaabot naman ni Kuya ang bulaklak sa akin.
"Thank you, My, Dy." I kissed their cheeks before hugging my brother. "Thanks sa flowers, Kuya!"
"See those people outside? They've read Zire's article about your experience and dancing! They're wishing you luck and recovery!" Adira was jumping up and down happily, "may gifts din sa labas! Congratulations, Sib! I'm so proud of you!" she hugged me.
I smiled, hugging my cousin back tightly.
Tragedies aren't always the end of it, sometimes, it's a brand-new start.
A start of discovering something new, a start of new beginning. It's not solely tragedy that ended people, but facing a life with failure while you're still alive, missing the best thing life has to offer.
"Saan ang mga kapatid mo, Zy?" ani Mommy kaya napahiwalay ako kay Adi.
"They're—"
"Zion! Bad ikaw!" my eyes widened when I saw Zire with our youngest sister, Twinkle. She was stomping her feet while holding a piece of lumpia in her hand.
"Princess," Dad chuckled, "saan mo na naman nakuha 'yan?" sabay turo niya sa kamay nito.
"Ate..." sulyap niya kay Zire, "iwan kami po ni Zion sa car—"
"Twila Klein..." Mom called, "what did I tell you about addressing your brother?"
"Kuya..." she pouted, "Zion! Kuya!"
Narinig ko ang halakhak ni Kuya na kunwari pang inaabot ang lumpia ng maliit kaya inirapan na naman siya ng huli sabay labas ng dila niya, "pangit!"
"Twinkle..." I called, she froze and showed me a puppy look but I tilted my head seriously.
Napangisi na ako nang malungkot niyang kinain ang lumpia, "sorry po... Zion... Kuya."
"Okay lang, kiss mo na lang si Kuya." He said and when Twinkle kissed his cheek and let him bite a part of her lumpia, bati na sila.
My family congratulated me. Tuwang-tuwa si Zire habang tinitignan ang mga pictures na nakuhaan ko, she even said she got her talent in photography too from me. Nakipag-usap ako sa mga guest hanggang sa mapadpad sa picture ng perya sa Sta. Monica.
It was a blurred photo of a man, hindi halata ang mukha dahil nagulo, pero gumanda dahil sa pagtama ng ilaw ng carousel na nadaanan namin sa tabi niya.
Sol...
Of course, I won't dare displaying Sol's photos in here. I swore my parents to secrecy regarding my love life escapades in the province but if Dad ever finds out? I swear he'll be ballistic. Baka halughugin niya pa si Sol kung nasaan man para lang matakot ng baril niya.
Hanggang ngayon wala pa rin siyang kaalam-alam na ex-jowa ko 'yong bantay ko.
Sol, I missed you.
I heard he's doing great. I kept tabs of him and do a bit of research from time-to-time kahit wala naman akong mas detailed na nakikita.
Kumusta na kaya siya? Sina Fritz? Sina Liza?
"Ma'am, a gift," napatingin ako sa usher sa gallery nang iabot niya sa akin ang bulaklak.
Kinuha ko iyon pero kaagad na kumunot ang noo nang makita ang pamilyar na arrangement, pati na rin ang Santan na unusual sa mga ganito. Pareho 'to ng narereceive kong bulaklak sa ospital! 'Yong sa fan!
"Who gave this?" my heart jumped.
The fan is here! I have to say thank you! Those flowers with that weird bouquet with mixtures of Roses and Santan arrangement gave me something to look forward for every month!
"Oh, I'm sorry but I'm afraid he already left..."
"He?" kumunot ang noo ko at naghanap ng card sa bulaklak.
"Yes, Ma'am. A handsome one, he said he's a fan. He asked me to gave this to you after he left. He's tall and..." but my attention was on the flowers and took the letter in between the stems of roses.
From: Sibyl Protection Squad
You did great! Proud of you, angel.
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