Kabanata 19
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Kabanata 19
"Philie..."
"A-ayos lang ako," I gave them a small smile, reassuring them I'm really fine but instead, they gave me a sad look. "Grabe naman ang tingin na 'yan..." tawa ko pa pero nagtunog walang emosyon lang 'yon.
"How can you say you're fine while crying?" I noticed Cairis and her eyes with unshed tears, unti-unti siyang naupo katapat ko, ginagaya akong nasa lapag.
"Because I am..." I trailed off and smiled, "bakit ka gumagaya sa akin, madumi dito sa lapag—"
"Edi sama-sama tayo sa dumi," Phoebe said and my heart felt lighter when she sat on the ground too, not minding her scrubs getting stained from the dirt.
"Girls..." I pouted and when they smiled gently, I began sobbing again.
"A-ang sakit-sakit..." I cried loudly and tapped my chest, "a-ang sakit-sakit..."
I felt their warm embrace while I was sobbing so hard and didn't say anything, they just let me vent out everything.
All my frustrations, every pain I have slowly piling up on my chest, giving me the feeling of numbness—I let it out by crying.
Malalim na ata ang gabi nang matapos ako sa pag-iyak, it was Castiel who's here, trying to say jokes at natatawa ako kahit papaano, nililibang ang sarili.
"Sorry for being late," bumaling ako sa pinto at nangiti nang makita si Chance. "My son's acting up, gusto niya raw ako ang papatulog sa kanya."
"Nag-abala ka pang pumunta," I called. "It's okay, Chance. It's not like it's a big deal."
"It is a big deal, Philie." Busangot niya bago tinapik ang hita ni Castiel para makaupo siya sa tabi nito, "and your husband called, asking to check on you."
Lahat kami ay natahimik at si Cairis pa ang nagsalita.
"He did? Really?"
"Oo, bakit ano bang nangyari?" Chance asked, confused. Napapahawak pa sa batok niya. "I was with my girlfriend earlier when he called, he said if it's possible to check on you here in the hospital and then it's obvious you cried so it's a big deal." Turo niya sa mata ko kaya napalunok ako.
"Wala..." iling ko pero hindi siya naniwala at sa sobrang kakulitan ay pinagkwento ko na si Phoebe na G na G kung mag-kwento, with facial expression pa at hand movement. Nag-uunahan pa sila ni Tiel magsalita kaya nag-iirapan sa huli at natatawa na lang ako.
"What are you gonna do after this, Philie?" Tiel asked kaya bumaling ako sa kanya at nagkibit-balikat.
"Stay the same, of course." Ngiti ko, "I won't leave my husband just for this, Tiel. Hindi naman bagay ang asawa kong basta ko na lang bibitawan dahil sa ganito."
"I really admire your bravery, Philie." Tiel said, "if it's anyone else, they probably would not try to fight again and just let it go—"
"Sana all, 'di ba?" I heard the menace on Phoebe's voice, dahilan kaya napabaling sa kanya. "Sana all kagaya ni Philie na matapang tapos 'di agad-agad susuko—"
"What? Coming from you, Phoebe?" Tiel's jaw clenched, "ikaw nga 'tong—"
"Ay, shit. Away ba 'yan? Away?" Chance cut the two off at narinig ko ang mahinang tawa ni Cairis sabay iling.
"These two...hindi na lang maghalikan." She retorted.
"No way!" they both hissed, earning laughters from everyone.
Akala ko'y malilibang na sila sa away no'ng mag-ex pero sa huli'y sa akin na naman ang atensyon kaya nagpasimple pa akong umiinom ng juice pero hinuhuli talaga nila ako.
"Uuwi ka ngayon?" Cai asked, "if not, you can stay on my unit. Wala naman si Migo ro'n para makitulog, nando'n nakikitulog sa girlfriend niya kaya wala akong kasama."
"Thank you, Cai, but I'm okay." I said, "uuwi ako sa asawa ko."
They all sighed audibly kaya muli akong nagsalita.
"It's my fault tho," I pointed myself. "Binigla ko siya, we know he has amnesia yet—like what the doctor told us, we shouldn't rush him or do things that might trigger his memories and that's what I did."
"Oh, it's mine." Napatakip si Phoebe sa bibig niya, "ako 'yong nagsabing magpakasal kayo ulit para kay Stacy, I-I'm sorry..."
"It's not your fault, Phoebe." I squeezed her hand, "I wanted it too so it's my fault entirely. Alam kong para 'yon kay Stacy and the moment she left to rest, we should've stopped it but we didn't. we continued it to my own accord and...I triggered something for my husband to act like that."
"I understand your point, Philie." Cai sighed afterwards, "si Angelo, tumawag 'yon kanina, gusto raw akong tanungin kung ano kayong dalawa noon and it must've been hard for him and I'm not saying this because he's my cousin, ah? I'm saying this because I want everything to back to normal. You and him, happily married. Maybe...maybe give him time to remember everything? Maybe give him time to heal? Naisip kong baka nga naguguluhan pa rin siya kaya niya nagawa 'yon."
"I agree..." Chance caught my gaze, "it's not your fault, Philie. It's not his fault too he has amnesia. Kasalanan lang talaga 'to ng pesteng tadhana. You would still fight for my kinda-asshole-of-a-cousin, right?"
"Oo..." I noted and gave them a small smile.
Kaya ko pa naman...kakayanin ko pa.
I have the bestest friends ever and I am lucky with it, inihatid nila ako sa bahay pagkatapos no'n. It was late at night yet they were kind enough to take me home kaya sobrang pasalamat ko sa kanila.
When I got inside the house, it was feeling empty. Bukas pa ang ilaw pero wala ang asawa ko sa kusina kaya tahimik akong umakyat sa kwarto. I even looked for him in his room and saw him sleeping on his bed.
Marahan akong naglakad palapit sa kanya at napabuntonghininga nang makitang suot niya pa rin ang damit doon. It looks like he just fell on the bed when he got home, it was cold so he's in a fetus position and something tugged inside my chest while looking at him.
I took the blanket and covered his body with it and sat beside him, gently brushed his hair with my fingers, a faint smile on my lips.
"I understand, Gelo. I am so sorry for forcing you." Bulong ko at unti-unti, tumungo ako para hagkan ang kanyang noo at nagtagal iyon doon.
A tear fell, kaagad ko iyong natanto kaya lumayo ako at hinawi iyon bago tumayo at umalis.
When I got into my room, I cleaned myself and when I was about to go to bed, a thing caught my attention.
Naguguluhang naupo ako roon at ang luha'y tila bumalik nang makita ang mini bouquet na naroon.
Baby's breath.
Attached is a small sticky note and with my trembling hands, I took it and saw his note.
I'm sorry.
Ipinikit ko ang mata at niyakap ang bouquet na ibinigay niya at may luha pa sa mga mata ay nakatulugan ko ang sakit na nadadama.
The next morning, hindi ko na naabutan ang asawa ko pero may pagkaing nakahain sa lamesa namin.
"It's his first time cooking for me," bulong ko sa hangin at naupo sa stool, nakangiting kinakain ang agahang inihanda ng asawa ko.
When I got to the hospital, si Stacy kaagad ang binisita ko. She was happy upon seeing me, she even hugged me with a wide smile on her face.
"Mama Philie! Galing po dito si Papa Dean!" she said happily, making me smile.
"Really?"
"Opo, Mama! Bigay niya po akong flowers, oh!" she showed me a mini bouquet like what I got last night, just that it's sunflowers.
"Oh, that's too pretty. Love na love talaga ni Papa Dean ang Stacy namin." I grinned, pinching her cheek.
"Opo! And love na love rin po ni Papa si Mama Philie!" she said happily.
"You think so, Stacy?"
"Opo. Why naman po hindi?" she smiled cutely at me, "Papa Dean said he also gave you flowers last night po after po the wedding niyo with me as the flower girl! And Papa said he loves me that's why he gave me flowers and he gave you one too kaya love ka rin niya!"
"Hmm," I nodded with a small smile. "Papa Dean really loves Mama Philie too. I'm happy."
"Kikita ko po Papa Dean looking at you and kikita ko po ang love sa eyes niya, Mama." She said, "tatanong ko po siya kanina if happy siya na flower girl ako tapos sabi niya po oo. Happy din siya kasi ikaw 'yong wife."
Natulala ako sa kanya at natauhan lang nang maramdaman ang maliit niyang kamay sa pisngi ko, "Mama ko, bakit po ikaw nag-cry?"
"H-huh?" I almost jumped, mabilis kong tinulungan siya sa pag-alis ng mga luha ko. "I'm so sorry, baby."
"Okay po. Bakit po ikaw nag-cry?" she asked me a soft voice.
"Nothing, I'm just happy seeing my baby Stacy well. Kumain ka na?" lambing ko, hinahaplos na ang pisngi niya.
"Opo, Mama. Na-feed po ako ni Papa Dean." She gave me a genuine smile.
I spent my time with Stacy, pumasok din si Dr. Jon pagkaraan para kumustahin kami, may dala pang basket ng prutas.
"Doc Jonathan!" Stacy greeted.
"Hello, Stacy." He smiled, "Musta na? Hinahanap ka na ng mga kasama mo sa playroom, miss na raw nila 'yong paglalaro ng dolls kasama ka.
"Bawal po ba ako mag-play po, Mama?" she glanced my way, "bebehave lang po ako, promise. Hindi po ako takbo."
"Oh, baby, you can't." Marahang sabi ko, "you were quite sensitive right now, baby, so you have to stay here for a while. Don't worry, I'll ask your playmates to come visit you from time to time. Mama Philie would stay here with you, kalaro mo ako, okay lang ba?"
"Opo..." she smiled brightly at me. "Pati po Papa Dean?"
"And Papa Dean." Ngiti ko sa kanya.
Jonathan and I played with her to lessen her sadness for not playing with her playmates. Nasabi sa akin ni Jon na ayos naman ang mga bata sa playroom at may ibang doktor na nakikipaglaro sa kanina roon kaya kampante ako.
Of course, because Stacy doesn't have parents anymore, the foundation would pay for her chemo. Nasabi sa amin ng doktor niya na risky ngayon dahil bata pa siya at pangatlong beses nang nagka-relapse ang Leukemia niya kaya baka hindi makaya ng katawan ng bata.
However, the benefit would outweigh the risks. If we didn't push through this, she wouldn't make this but if we did, she had the possibility to survive and that's all we've been hoping now.
Sa ilang taon ko sa Pedia ward, isa si Stacy sa itinuturing kong anak dahil siya ang pinakamalapit sa amin ng asawa ko. She was the sweetest and we will do everything just so the smile on her face would remain.
"Tapos 'yon, hinabol si Oggy ng mga cockroach." Dr. Jon told the kid and she's giggling, enjoying the stories he just made up.
"Tapos nahulog siya sa hagdan, hinabol niya 'yong mga ipis pero nakalusot na sa maliit na bahay nila kaya humabol siya kaso nauntog kaya boogsh!" may sound effects pa si Doc kaya sabay kaming natawa ni Stacy sa kanya.
The door suddenly opened, tumatawa pa ako habang nakatingin doon pero kaagad na napaayos ng upo nang makita ang asawa kong papasok.
"Angelo?"
"Papa Dean!" Stacy cheered.
His jaw clenched when he saw who's inside. Ang malamig niyang mata'y nahuli ang akin pero kaagad siyang umiwas at tahimik na lumapit sa amin.
Napatayo ako, I saw Dr. Jon stood too and greeted him but he didn't answer him and glanced at Stacy and despite the annoyed expression on his face, he smiled at the kids.
"Have you eaten lunch, Stacy?" he asked her gently. "Nagpaluto ako ng pagkain mo, hindi ka p'wede ng matatamis, kailangan 'yong veggies and fruits."
"Is it bitter po, Papa?" she pouted. "Ayaw ni Stacy ng veggies..."
"For sure, masarap namang veggies ang pinaluto ni Papa Dean, right, Gelo?" baling ko sa asawa na natigilan at saglit na napasulyap pero tumango rin.
"Of course, Papa Dean always wanted the best for Stacy." He smiled, the small dimple got exposed.
"Yehey!" she chirped and hugged him. "Papa, kanina pa po nandito si Mama Philie 'tsaka si Doc! Kikwento po nila sa akin 'yong si Oggy and the cockroaches, ang lakas po ng tawa ni Mama."
Namilog ang mata ko, natawa pa ng bahagya roon. "Hindi kaya—"
"Oh, you are laughing the loudest, Philie." Dr. Jon chuckled kaya nailing na ako at nahiya, lalo nan ang mapansin na ang titig ng seryosong mata ni Angelo sa akin.
"Doc Jon? Dra. Philie?" napabaling kami sa pintuan nang may kumatok at nakita ang nurse sa pedia ward na nakadungaw. "Hello po, may mga parents po sa ward. Hanap po kayo, may concern po ata."
"Alright, we're coming." Jon smiled.
"Sige, una na muna kami." I said and smiled at her. "Stacy, balik ako mamaya. Gelo," baling ko sa asawa. "Una na muna kami."
He didn't answer but the brief nod he made before touching Stacy's hair is enough kaya umalis na rin kami.
When we got to the ward, nakausap namin ang mga magulang na nagtatanong sa kondisyon ng mga bata. They were also delighted to know na magbubukas kami ng mini-library at nursery dito sa ospital kaya planong-plano kami ni Jon tungkol doon na miski sa lunch ay nadala na namin iyon.
"Oh, kinuhaan kitang Caesar salad, gusto mo 'to, 'di ba?" Dr. Jon teased, making me chuckle.
"You know me well now, huh?" I raised my brow playfully, hinawi ko ang buhok bago naupo sa kanyang tapat para kumain ng lunch.
"Naman, ilang taon na ba tayong magkatrabaho? You're a very efficient and great colleague, Philie. No wonder the hospital wanted you from the very start."
"Such a flattering statement, Doc." I touched my chest. "I'm pleased."
We both laughed, inalis ko ang pagkain ko sa tray at gano'n din siya at habang kumakain ay 'di kami magkamayaw kakaisip ng plano namin sa mini library.
"How about the books? May supplier kaya tayong p'wedeng makuhaan?"
"Oh, don't worry about it." I smiled at him, "you know Cairis Samaniego? My husband's cousin? She's a writer and she know publishing houses or suppliers where we can get children's books and learning materials."
"That's great! Buti na lang at madiskarte ang Reyna ng Dinibdibang Lupa ng San Isidro?" he stood and ruffled my hair, making me laugh.
"Hoy!" tinapik ko ang kamay niya, "paano mo nalaman 'yan?"
"I overheard Nurse Phoebe teasing you," he smirked kaya nailing na lang ako habang natatawa.
"Ikaw talaga, nga pala, how about our mini nursery? May improvement ba ang paghahanap ng designer?"
"Oh, I actually made contact with a known architect." He smiled, "bago pa tayo magpa-approve, advance kasi 'ko mag-isip na maa-approved kaya nagpagawa na ako ng draft."
"Really?! OMG, patingin naman?"
"Sure!" he stood and sat beside me, showing me his tablet. "The Architect's name is Scira Valderama, she's great, yeah?"
"Yes!" tango kong namamangha at nag-zoom sa sketch, napapangiti na dahil maganda na kahit 'di pa tapos, ngayon pa kayang ayos na?
"I heard she's also designing their hospital kaya pagkarinig ko, I contacted her immediately. Swerte nga kasi nakakuha ako ng slot kasi punuan daw sa kanya."
"Galing naman, Doc!" siniko ko na, natatawa. "I approved!"
"Naks naman, kaya s'werte kong kasama kita, eh. Bolera!" siko niya rin pabalik kaya natawa ako pero nawala lang iyon kaagad, naiwan sa ere ang tawa ko nang makita ang pamilyar na likod ng asawa ko habang naglalakad palayo, mukhang galing sa cafeteria kanina, nakapamulsa pa at diretso ang tingin.
"Oh, si Dr. Samaniego pala." Ani Jon, "sabay ba dapat kayo magla-lunch?"
"Ah...no." Iling ko at maliit na ngumiti. "Kain na tayo, Doc, para maasikaso na ang mga bata."
Buong araw ay 'di ko nakita ang asawa ko, hindi na siya ulit bumisita kay Stacy kaya hinahanap siya ng bata. Sinabi ko na lang na may patient si Angelo kaya ayos na siya.
I even checked him on his clinic at ang sabi lang ng kanyang secretary ay buong araw daw nasa delivery room si Angelo kaya naintindihan ko naman.
I spent my whole time with the kids, checking on them and playing. Malalim na ang gabi no'ng natapos ako at nasabi sa akin ng tao sa department ni Gelo na kanina pang seven umalis ang asawa ko kaya paniguradong nasa bahay na siya.
I went home, startled upon seeing empty bottles of liquor on our living room. Ibinaba ko ang bag ko, tinanong ang helper naming nandito isang beses sa isang linggo para maglinis dahil wala kami madalas ng asawa ko.
"Naku, Ma'am, naabutan ko rin po kaninang umiinom si Doc." Aniya sa akin, "nakadalawang bote po ata siya o tatlo tapos umakyat na lang sa kwarto, 'di na po bumaba ulit."
I got worried, ipinasuyo ko sa kanya ang basyo ng alak at tinakbo ang kwarto ng asawa ko at nagtaka nang 'di ko siya makita sa kama.
I looked around and my eyes widened upon seeing him sitting on the ground, in the corner of his room with his knees on his face.
"G-Gelo?" I called, mabilis na ibinaba ang bag sa kama at tinakbo na ang asawa ko.
Dumukwang ako sa harapan niya at kaagad na naamoy ang alak na humahalo sa pabango niya, mabilis na inangat ang ulo niya at may kung anong natusok sa dibdib ko nang makita ko ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin.
Unlike before, I saw emotions on his black orbs. The unshed tears' obvious now that I am looking at it.
"What happened?" marahang sabi ko at inabot ang pisngi niya, "why did you get drunk? Are you okay? Sa pasyente ba?"
"W-why are you not mad at me?" he asked, staring at me.
"H-huh?" naguluhan pa ako noong una pero naintindihan ko rin pagkaraan ang ibig niyang sabihin kaya mas umayos ako ng upo sa lapag at mas hinaplos ang pisngi niya. "Why would I get mad? It's my fault, I forced you—"
"I'm an asshole, Philomena." He pointed out, "I fucking left you there like a coward..."
Nangilid ang luha ko sa narinig pero tinatagan ko ang sarili, "you were triggered, aren't you? You left because you're confused, correct?"
"I-I'm sorry..." he lowered his head.
"You don't have to apologize—"
"I-I wanted so bad to remember you, Philomena." Hearing that, it made me teared up. Hindi ko na napigilan ang luhang mahulog sa pisngi.
"G-Gelo..."
"I-I want t-to..." he began sobbing, making my heart ache. "I-inaaalala ko naman, eh. P-pinipilit ko naman..."
"A-Angelo, please..." I shook my head, "you don't have to force yourself—"
"I'm fucking jealous, Philomena!" his voice roared, "s-selos na selos na akong nakikita kang may kasamang iba!"
Umawang ang labi ko, hindi kaagad nakasagot, nabitawan po siya.
"'D-di ko alam pero tang ina, nasasaktan ako!" he exclaimed, "a-ang bigat-bigat ng pakiramdam ko p-pero w-wala...wala naman akong karapatan kasi wala akong maalala! Tang ina, wala akong maalala!"
"H-hey..." my voice broke, "I-I'm your wife, Gelo. Y-you don't have to be jealous of anything, okay? You don't have to..."
"B-but I want to!" he shook his head and pulled his hair frustratedly, "I want to fucking remember! I tried s-searching for you in my goddamn broken memories!"
Gently, I cupped both of his cheeks and stared at him.
"D-did you found it?"
He remained staring at me, his eyes bloodshot and lonely, frustrated and he shook his head, "no..."
I bit my lower lip and cried, nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin, ang mga mata'y hilam din ng mga luha.
"I-I want to remember you..." he uttered, "I-I wanted to know why my chest's aching when I'm seeing you...g-gusto kong malaman bakit..."
"Shh..." I shook my head, hinahawi ng daliri ang mga luha sa pisngi niya. "We'll find your memories together, okay?"
"P-paano ka?" his voice broke, "p-paano ka naman?"
"A-ayos lang ako..." bulong ko, "Philomena kaya 'to, m-malakas ako, Gelo."
"M-mapapagod ka lang sa akin." He lowered his head and shook it, "i-iwan mo na lang ako, masasaktan lang kita..."
"Never...hey, listen." Muli kong iniangat ang kanyang ulo para hulihin ang tingin niya. "I promised you I'll stay, right? No matter what it takes? D-dito lang ako?"
"R-really?" he looked like a lost boy upon saying that, "'di mo ako iiwan?"
"No..." I shook my head and sniffed, "si P-Philie ay kay Angelo lang, 'd-di ba?"
He began sobbing louder this time, kitang-kita ko ang pag-galaw ng balikat niya kaya niyakap ko na at isinubsob niya ang mukha sa balikat ko, hinihigpitan ang yakap sa baywang ko.
"T-thank you..." he whispered. "T-thank you, thank you..."
Nakakagaan ng pakiramdam sa kabila ng hapdi ang nangyaring iyon, halos kalahating oras ata kaming gano'n at inalalayan ko lang siya paupo sa kanyang kama makaraan ng ilang sandali.
I gave him a glass of water which he gladly drank, naupo rin ako sa kanyang tabi pagkatapos at kinuha ang panyo para punasan ang kanyang tuyong luha and staring at his face, I can see how vulnerable he is now.
Noong mag-boyfriend pa kami'y may hindi rin naman kami pagkakaintindihan pero hindi pa kami umaabot sa ganitong iiyak siya...ngayon lang kaya nasasaktan talaga ako.
"H'wag na iyak, hmm?" ngiti ko habang pinupunasan ang pisngi niya.
"How can you still smile after that?" he said in a low voice.
"Hmm? Ako?" tanong ko bago nagkibit-balikat. "Someone told me he'll be sad if I lose my smile so I wanted to still smile kahit masakit...para sa kanya."
His forehead creased, "who's the someone?"
"Ah, 'yong mahal na mahal ko..." bumaba ang panyo ko sa panga niya bago siya titigan. "'Yong asawa ko..."
I felt something wanting to come out on my chest when I felt his hand touching my wrist lifted in the air to clean his dried tears.
"Who's...your husband?" he asked and moved his head closer.
"Gelo..." I trailed off and glanced at his lips. "You're my husband, Gelo. Ikaw lang."
Naiwan sa ere ang sunod kong sasabihin nang wala pang ilang sandal ay nahuli niya ang mga labi ko para hagkan. I was frozen and stunned at first, napansin ko rin ang pagkakatigil niya sa halik noong una pero nang gumanti ako'y kaagad siyang lumaban pabalik.
After months of our marriage, it was the first time we kissed again this deep and passionate. It was the first time again I get to taste the love my husband has for me, even if he didn't say it.
I found myself naked, ni hindi ko na napansing natanggal na niya ang mga damit ko dahil sa lalim ng halikang namagitan sa amin. I was beneath him so staring at his black eyes admiring my body's a dream come true.
"You're beautiful..." he uttered before glancing at my blushing face, "you're beautiful, Philomena."
"I love you," I said and embraced his nape, pulling him closer towards me to exchanged another round of heated and deep kisses.
It was like we were running after something for us to move to hastily. I found myself moaning loudly while he's pumping inside me, ang hita ko'y iniangkla niya sa baywang para mas mapalapit ako.
"Fuck, Philie..." he cursed under his breath, thrusting more inside me while sucking my twin peaks and my eyes were just tightly closed, gripping the sheets of his bed.
I can feel the pleasure and warmth I am experiencing before he had his accident and now, it's coming back to me kaya masayang-masaya ako.
"Gelo, gosh..." habol hininga kong sabi nang mas humigpit ang hawak niya sa balakang ko.
"Embrace my neck, Philomena." Aniya kaya nahihilo pa ata akong nagmulat ng mata at tinitigan siya.
"H-huh?"
"We'll destroy the bed if I'd still take you here. You don't like buying another bed, right?" aniya kaya namilog ang mata ko, dali-daling yumakap sa kanyang batok, naiisip ang kamang nag-iingay kanina pa.
It was as if he's carrying something lightly when he carried me. Walang hirap siyang nakaalis sa kama habang hawak akong nakayakap lang sa kanya para tumayo.
I felt my back touched the cold wall when he pinned me on it and my eyes were just wide when he started kissing my neck again, thrusting his hips and taking me.
"F-faster, Gelo..." I whispered and gasped, gripping his hair, almost pulling it in pleasure.
"Alright, wife." He whispered and tilted his head, "look at me."
With my drunk eyes, I glanced at him and he moved his face closer to mine. "Kiss me."
Napatawa ako nang ngumuso pa siya ng pasimple kaya inilapit ko na ang labi para hagkan siya. I can feel him going in and out of me in pure bliss, we were exchanging deep kisses while being touchy to each other that I was gasping when I felt myself cumming.
"G-Gelo...shit, I think I'm..."
"Cum for me then," he bit my lower lip. "Cum for me, Philie."
I convulsed in ecstacy moments later but it still wasn't the end, mas bumilis lang ang asawa ko habang ibinabaon ang ulo sa balikat ko.
"Fuck..." he cursed and I felt satisfied when he gasped and after that, I can fill him shooting his load inside me, even biting my shoulders, licking it sensually while thrusting slowly.
Bagsak kaming dalawa sa kama pagkatapos, nanlalaki pa ata ang mata ko habang tinatakpan ng asawa ko ang katawan ko ng kumot.
"Gelo?" I called and he glanced my way, his soulful black orbs staring.
"Hmm?"
"Will you stay?" I asked lowly and he licked his lower lip sensually before nodding.
"Yes, let me take a quick shower first." He said and glanced at himself. "I smelled like liquor."
"Well...yeah." Ngisi ko at nakita ko ang pagtaas ng sulok ng labi niya bago lumapit at kumalabog ang puso ko nang hagkan niya ang noo ko.
"Wait..." I said and he glanced my way, confused. I smiled at him, inabot ko ang bag ko sa paahan at may kinuha sa loob.
I saw his eyes followed it and I bit my lip, slowly taking it out and showed him.
Nakita ko ang gulat sa kanyang mata, hinanap niya kaagad ang tingin ko kaya unti-unti kong iniangat ang kamay ko sa ere, dahilan para bahagyang mahulog ang kwintas—ang pendant ay ang kanyang singsing.
"Is that...the ring?" he asked and I nodded, smiling.
"I am not forcing you to wear this, I know you still need to think this through but can you..." medyo nanghina ang boses ko at sumulyap sa kanyang leeg. "In case you like, would you like to wear this?"
He stared at me, startled. Kinabahan naman ako kaya tumikhim ako.
"I will understand if you don't want—"
"Put it on," he said and my eyes widened when he said that.
"Are you...sure?" halos magwala ang puso ko sa narinig, lalo na nang tumango siya.
I was shocked and bewildered, my hand's even trembling as I locked the necklace on his neck and he let me.
"Gelo..." I gasped and hugged his nape after, naramdaman ko naman ang kanyang pagyakap sa akin pabalik. His breath fanned my cheek and I closed my eyes tightly, feeling his warmth.
"I love you, Gelo." I whispered like it was my religion. "Mahal na mahal kita, Angelo ko."
"I..." he sighed and buried his face more, "I'm so sorry, Philie. I wanted to tell you those words when I'm sure..."
"It's okay," bulong ko at mas ipinikit ang mata. "I wanted to give you that ring back as a sign of my promise...that I'll always stay no matter what and wait for you to remember me. I love you, Gelo."
He heaved a deep sigh, unti-unti'y lumayo siya sa akin at sinapo ang pisngi ko, pinakatitigan ang mata ko.
"I can feel it and I'm hoping that soon, I'll be able to name this feeling inside my chest, Philie." He said. "I hope time will come and I'll finally tell you those words back."
I smiled and nodded, inalalayan ako ng asawa ko pahigang muli kaya kumalabog ang puso ko. Muling nakahanap ng pahinga at ginhawa.
"You stay here and sleep first, I'll sleep here." Bulong niya at unti-unting ibinaba ang labi sa akin para pumatak ng halik. "You're delicious by the way."
"Dean Angelo!" I hissed and he just smirked, pinched my nose and fixed the blanket on my body before standing. In his birth suit, he walked towards the bathroom kaya napapasinghap na ako.
"Ang yabang, porket mas maputi pa ang pwet sa kinabukasan ko!" Sigaw ko at narinig ko ang tawa niya pero mayabang na nag-thumbs-up lang at pumasok sa banyo.
Gusto ko sana siyang antayin pero nakatulugan ko rin iyon, nagising na lang ako kinabukasan na nakahiga sa braso niya habang siya naman ang tulog na tulog at nakalingkis sa akin.
Napangiti ako.
My husband's slowly coming back to me.
It was well, yeah, that's what I hoped because fate has ways to shake even the strongest foundation. Just when you're thinking it's be a cue to a fresh start, it isn't...simula pala ng bagyo.
"You can see Stacy's getting weaker and weaker with the therapy." Her doctor told us truthfully and I sighed, nananakit lalo ang dibdib.
"What can we do to make her feel better?" I asked.
"What she needed now is support and love, Dra. Samaniego." He said, "I know you're aware what would chemo do to the patient's body and it's doing it's job now. As of now, I really couldn't promise you anything but we'll do our best."
I closed my eyes and sighed, bumabaling sa asawa kong nakatitig na sa kwarto ni Stacy.
"Hey, we shouldn't look at her this way." Kalmadong sabi ni Angelo habang tinutungan akong magpunas ng luha.
"S-sorry..." I sobbed, "s-sorry, si S-Stacy kasi..."
"She'll be okay, hmm?" hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. "She'll make it, like what she always did before."
"S-she would, right?" my voice trembled, "I can't bear thinking that way, Gelo. 'D-di ko k-kakayanin kapag nawala si Stacy."
"Hindi, hindi siya mawawala." Iling niya, bakas ko ang conviction sa boses. "I promised her we'll adopt her once she's well."
It was hard on us both but we have to remain strong for Stacy. Like always, chemotherapy took a toll on her. Wala na siyang buhok noon pa kaya hindi na iyon nagbago pero pumayat siya. Stacy is a healthy looking baby girl and now, she's thin and I was so hurt because I can see her pale and almost lifeless.
"Mama, bakit po ikaw nag-cry po ulit?" halos bulong na iyon nang itanong niya.
"No..." iling ko, "hindi ako umiiyak, Stacy." Lambing ko.
"Nag-cry po ikaw, eh." She said, even lifting her small hands and it looked so weak she couldn't even raise it kaya tinulungan ko na siyang ilagay iyon sa pisngi ko.
"Stacy..."
"Mama, okay naman po ako 'no? S-sakit po ulo ko palagi..."
I sniffed, kung 'di lang siguro ako hinawakan ni Angelo ay hahagulgol na ako roon sa harap niya.
"Well, baby, it's normal. Gano'n talaga kapag nagki-chemo, 'di ba?" marahang sabi niya sa bata kaya unti-unti kong kinuha ang kamay ni Stacy sa pisngi ko para hawakan.
"Opo, Papa." She nodded. "P-pero po hihilo po ako palagi...may blood po sa nose ko po. Ayaw ko rin po mag-eat kasi pangit po ang lasa, bitter po."
"Don't worry, you'll be better, okay?" Angelo smiled at her, "I promised, Mama Philie and I promised we'll go to amusement parks when you get better."
"Kaya lalakasan mo lang ang loob mo, ha, Stacy ko?" mahinang sabi ko kahit nanginginig na ang boses. "We will just stay here with you, dito lang kami ni Papa mo sa tabi mo, hmm?"
"Yehey!" she said with such enthusiasm, "Mama Philie and Papa Dean, sana po happy lang po kayo, ah? H'wag po kayo aaway kasi po sasakit po ang heart ni Stacy."
"Oh, we won't." Ngiti ko.
"'Tsaka po, Mama and Papa, want ko po sabihin sa inyo na super thank you po kasi love na love ninyo po ako. Wala po akong magulang pero po kayo po ang naging Mama and Papa ko ng ilang years po. Happy po ako kasi 'di po ako alone k-kasi po mayro'n akong Mama Philie at Papa Dean."
Nakita ko ang paghulog ng luha sa pisngi ni Angelo, miski ako'y gano'n din kaya dali-dali akong nag-iwas at nagpunas.
"Why are you saying that, baby?" I asked, "we're grateful because we have our little Stacy here, kaya gustong-gusto namin ni Papa Dean na nandoon sa playroom kasi nando'n ka palagi, naglalaro ng dolls mo."
"Kasi po ririnig ko po sabi ni doctor ko baka 'di raw po kaya ng body ko..."
"Stacy..." Gelo trailed off.
"Okay lang po, P-papa." She smiled faintly. "Matagal na rin po akong nag-live po rito. Thank you po kasi po love niyo po akong dalawa. Love na love rin po kayo ni Stacy from the bottom of my heart po, sana po always po kayong happy ni Mama Philie. Sana po magka-baby po kayo para may sister na po ako."
It made me chuckle, nakita ko ang pagtaas ng sulok ng labi ni Gelo sa narinig pero inabot niya ang bata at hinaplos ang pisngi.
"Maybe your sister's still fighting for her spot—" sinapak ko na si Angelo kaya tumawa siya at ngumisi pagkatapos, "well, you'll definitely still see her, right, Philomena?"
"O-oo naman..." nag-init ang pisngi ko at pasimpleng umirap sa bastos na Samaniego. "You'll be well soon enough, Stacy, and you'll see your sister." Ngiwi ko kay Angelo na nangingisi na naman.
"Promise po, Mama?" she smiled and showed me her pinky.
"Promise..." I smiled.
"Papa, promise po?" she grinned at him and Angelo, despite his lonely eyes, smiled and took her finger.
"I promise, young miss."
For a month, Stacy's therapy continued. Pahina siya nang pahina pero sinisigurado namin ni Angelo na naroon kami palagi sa kanyang tabi.
One day, after telling Stacy I have to go home early, she smiled at me.
"Mama, Anniversary niyo po ni Papa Dean?" she smiled faintly, her eyes small and in the verge of closing her eyes.
"Opo, baby. Anniversary namin na mag-boyfriend kami dati." I smiled at her, "uuwi si Mama para magluto ng surprise kay Papa kaya h'wag ka maingay, ah? Secret lang?"
"Opo..." she smiled, "gusto ko po 'yan, Mama. 'Di ko po sasabihin kay Papa kapag nag-visit siya. Quiet lang ako, shh..."
I laughed, hinalikan ko ang kanyang pisngi at pinisil.
"Hayaan mo, baby, magluluto rin ako ng healthy tapos dadalhan kita rito bukas para makakain ka."
"Salamat po, Mama."
"You're welcome, I have to go na. Tita Phoebe will check on you here from time to time. Secret lang natin ang surprise kay Papa, ah?"
"Opo..." she offered her tiny hand kaya masaya ko siyang niyakap.
"I love you my little Stacy, rest well." Bulong ko bago tumayo at kumaway sa kanya. "I'll see you tomorrow, darling."
She just waved at me, the sweetest smile I've ever seen from her rose.
"Thank you po, Mama." She said while waving.
Alam ko ang schedule ng asawa ko dahil halos parehas kami kaya alam kong uuwi siya mamayang alas-nwebe ng gabi. Hindi naman ako nakapagpaalam sa kanya dahil may operation siya kaya nagsabi na lang ako sa secretary niya.
I was informed that's his last schedule kaya pagkauwing-pagkauwi ko ay naghanda na ako.
It's our fourth anniversary being in a relationship, nitong nakaraan nama'y naging maayos ang pagsasama naming dalawa. Hindi namin in-open ang sa ala-ala niya at sumubok magsimula ng panibago and it was good...great, perhaps.
I can notice him remembering some of our memories together, there's this one time he told me he saw me wearing a strawberry dress kaya tuwang-tuwa ako. I even got my cute bangs back kaya Philie na Philie ni Angelo talaga ang datingan.
To: Babe
Hi, Gelo ko! Are you coming home now? I'll wait for you, sabay na tayo sa dinner.
From: Babe
Alright, I'll be there soon. I saw you sneaking in groceries yesterday, I wonder what will you cook with it haha! Surprise me, please. Take care.
I cooked foods for my surprise romantic dinner for two. I prepared roasted beef, salad and wine. Naghanda rin ako ng healthy na pagkain para kay Stacy bukas at nang masindihan ko na ang kandila at maisabog ang mga rosas simula pintuan ng bahay ay agad-agad akong nagbihis.
I wore the strawberry dress he mentioned, the one I used before in our convention. It gave me nostalgic feels that I was chuckling as I look at myself in the mirror.
"Feeling bagets ka, Philie." I told myself, remembering my five-year ago self.
I finished the candlelit dinner, naupo ako sa upuan ko saktong alas-nwebe, inaantay ang asawa ko sa pagdating para sa surprise ko pero kinse minutos na ang nakalipas ay wala pa siya.
Hindi ko prinoblema iyon noong una kaya saglit ko munang pinatay ang kandila sa takot na maupos at nag-message.
To: Babe
Babe, are you coming home? Can you give me a heads up if you're near?
I received no replies, kalahating minuto na ang lumipas ay wala pa rin kaya nanuod na ako ng videos sa internet. An hour had passed and it alarmed me, mabilis akong nagtipa ng message.
To: Babe
Hi, Gelo, where are you? are you almost here?
To: Babe
Babe?
But two hours had passed and it's eleven and he's still not here.
I called him but he was unattended, I was getting nervous that I called Castiel and Chance and they told me he wasn't with them.
To: Babe
I'll just wait here, Gelo.
I sighed, nahihilo na ako sa gutom kaya binuksan ko na ang wine para sumimsim doon at libangin ang sarili ko pero 'di ko rin mapagkakailang kinakabahan ako.
I called again and again but he wasn't answering at all. Para hindi mag-isip na may masamang nangyari sa kanya ay ikinalma ko ang sarili at tumayo ako para initin ang pagkain at hindi bahaw pagkauwi niya.
I was walking back and forth, nervous while sipping on my wine, waiting for him to come back home but midnight struck and he didn't come at all.
I called him again and again and gasped upon seeing it answered by him.
"Hello, Gelo?"
"Philomena..." he called and I gasped in relief, closing my eyes.
"Oh my God, I was so worried of you, Angelo! Where are you? Are you okay? Are you coming home now? Saan ka?"
"Hindi ako makakauwi." I noticed the despair on his voice, confusing me.
"Huh—"
"Dean, come here." When I heard that voice, I froze. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa narinig.
"Angelo, is that Samantha?" mariing tanong ko at narinig ko ang buntonghininga niya.
"I'll explain—" natigil siya, "Dean! C-come here, please..." bigla kong narinig ang boses nito ulit kaya dumiin na ang hawak ko sa wine glass, napuputol na ang pisi.
"You choose, her or your wife?" malamig kong tanong, halos manginig na sa galit.
"Philie—"
"I fucking waited for you, Dean Angelo! Answer me, that woman or me?!" malakas ko ng sigaw at narinig ko ang pagbuntonghininga niya.
"Can we talk about this later?" he asked, "sasamahan ko lang si Sam."
My heart felt like it was squeezed, hearing him.
"You're choosing her?" itago ko man ay kumawala ang pait doon.
"It's not that..." he sighed, "it's not that, mag-usap tayo bukas..."
Sumikip ang dibdib ko, pakiramdam ko'y nahihirapan ng huminga kaya ipinikit ko ng mariin ang mata para pigilan ang iyak.
"W-why don't you just choose me, Gelo?" bulong ko, ang pilit iwinawalang frustration ay hindi na naitago. "W-why...why...even just for this time...choose me? W-why don't you come home? U-uwi ka na sa akin, G-Gelo..."
Wala siyang naging sagot, ilang segundo pa siyang natahimik at para akong nabasag sa sunod niyang sinabi.
"I'm sorry but she needs me." he said and dropped the call.
Namanhid ata ako bigla sa narinig mula sa kanya, natulala ako sa phone at wala pa atang ilang segundo ay muli iyong umilaw at kumunot ang noo ko nang makita ang pangalan ni Phoebe.
I immediately answered it, trying not to sound like I'm about to cry.
"Hello, Phoebe?" I called but I was stunned when I heard her sobbing.
"P-Philie..." she sobbed.
"What?" kaagad akong kinabahan, "why? Are you okay? Bakit ka umiiyak?"
"I-it was code blue..." hearing that color horrified me, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko habang nakikinig. "I-I just left the room five minutes ago and she's just fine...I-I thought she is..."
Napahikbi na ako, ang mga luha'y nahuhulog na sa pisngi, humihigpit lalo ang hawak sa wine glass, nanginginig.
"W-we rushed there..." she was trembling, "w-we rushed there and she was having cardiac arrest. W-we tried reviving her, P-Philie...we tried so h-hard. I'm sorry..."
"D-don't..." I shook my head, "d-don't say that..."
"S-sorry, Philie. S-Stacy's gone." She almost whispered those words, completely breaking me this time.
Nabitawan ko ang phone ko, kasabay ng paghulog nito'y nabitawan ko rin ang wine glass. My knees trembled, bumagsak ako ng upo sa lapag habang patuloy ang mga luha sa pagpatak, walang tigil at punong-puno ng sakit ang dibdib.
I'm done...I'm fucking done.
Ayoko na...wala na.
I felt something scratched my hand and when I glanced at it, nakita ko ang pagkakahagip nito sa nabasag na baso, dahilan para magkasugat iyon at umagos ang dugo.
"P-pagod na ako...pagod na pagod na ako." I chuckled blankly when I saw my reflection on the broken glass and those empty laughters turned to soft cries and sobs and I began shaking, catching my breath...couldn't even bear to take those empty and broken vows anymore, couldn't even look at the fake smiles my reflection has on that shattered glass.
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