Kabanata 26
Kabanata 26
A loud gasp left my lips when a glass slipped from my grip, making it fell and broke on the floor—shattered beyond repair.
I sighed loudly, immediately crouched to get the big, shattered pieces on the floor and caught a glimpse of the smaller ones. Pinong-pino iyon at tila hindi na makita.
How funny my feelings are same as this broken glass? I am deeply hurt, I was scarred beyond repair. Ang iilang basag ay maaari pang makikita pero ang iba'y sa sobrang pino ay halos impossible nang mabakas ng iba.
You wouldn't know the pain of these shattered tiny pieces unless you stepped on it.
Nagulat ako at napahawak sa pisngi nang maramdaman ang basa roon, natanto na lang na umiiyak na pala ako kaya umiling ako at binilisan ang pagkuha sa malalaking mga parte at winalis ang hindi ko na makita.
Why am I so emotional?
I caressed my stomach and sat on the bed before drinking my glass of milk. I am so sensitive.
Ang utak ko'y muling napunta kay Angelo kaya mas sumikip ang dibdib ko at ipinikit lalo ang mata.
Am I too much? Am I too rude?
But she still calls him by their endearment. Maybe, maybe they're really together? Pero bakit siya nandito sa akin? pinalaya ko na siya, he should be with her. They could even get married. Tutal naman ay maayos na ang divorce.
But...my eyes landed on my stomach.
I don't know what to do. I didn't know if I should prioritize my mental health and rest or think about giving my baby a whole family he deserved.
Nakatulog ako na mabigat ang loob, pagkagising ay halos mapaupo na sa banyo kakasuka sa sobrang sama ng pakiramdam. I am dizzy and exhausted, hindi ko na alam pa ang gagawin ngayon at nanghihina ako ng ganito.
I just want to be at ease, to not be too emotional and be just but I find it hard. Damn, hormones.
Inayos ko muna ang suot kong white coat at hand bag bago lumabas sa kwarto para sana pumasok na sa ospital pero natigilan kung sino ang mabungaran sa labas ng pintuan.
I was shocked and bewildered, looking at Angelo resting his back on the wall in front of my door.
Hindi ako kaagad nakagalaw kaya mabilis siyang napatayo mula sa pagkakaupo at dinaluhan ako, ang kanyang ngiti ay kaagad kong nakita.
"Good morning!" he greeted brightly, as if nothing happened last night in between us.
He's wearing his casual working clothes too. A simple and plain navy blue dress shirt and trousers.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in a strained voice.
"You're going to work, right?" he asked when I began walking, kaagad niya akong sinabayan. "I thought I could go to the hospital with you."
"How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone?" nilingon ko na siya, iritado.
Pain washed on his jet black orbs but he quickly replaced it with a smile.
"I won't," he said. "And I won't bother you. Sasabayan lang kitang pumasok."
Hindi na ako umimik, tahimik akong pumasok sa elevator nang magbukas iyon at nakasunod siya sa akin. Tumabi pa.
I can feel his gaze on my side pero nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa repleksyon ko sa salamin, hindi inaasahan ang pagtingin niya rin doon kaya nagkakitaan kami.
My heart pounded painfully, remembering the time we spent happily before. Wasn't really expecting we'll turn like this.
Nag-iwas na lang ako ng tingin at mabilis na lumabas pagkarating sa ground floor. He followed me, mabilis ang lakad ko pero nakakaya niya pa rin akong sabayan sa laki ng hakbang niya.
"I'll be having ultrasounds today," kwento niya. "I actually missed hearing babies' heartbeats."
Mas humigpit ang hawak ko sa bag at nangingilid na naman ang luha sa pilit na pinapasaya niyang boses habang nagkikwento.
"And...I have a schedule for labor today. Tumawag 'yong asawa ng unang pasyente ko na dinala na sa ospital kaninang madalang araw 'yong buntis. He said they're having a baby boy."
Tumingin ako sa paligid at naghanap ng masasakyan patungong ospital.
"Mabigat ba 'yang bag mo?" he asked, "let me carry—"
"Won't you shut up?" I asked blankly when he tried taking my things away.
He was stunned, napalunok siya saglit pero umiling din.
"Sorry," he heaved a sigh before chuckling lowly. "Am I too loud?"
Hindi ako umimik, kumunot lang ang noo at muling bumaling sa kalsada.
"I'll try to stop myself from speaking too much," he uttered. "I don't know, I really find myself being a talker with you when I'm really not. My Mom told me before, she thought I was mute because I don't really speak. Nalaman niyang gano'n lang talaga ako no'ng medyo lumaki."
I gulped, remembering his stories before.
"I just don't talk that much. What would I say, right?" he chuckled lowly. "But anyway, have you eaten breakfast? Ako na bahala sa lunch mo—"
"Manong," I called and lifted my hand to call a tricycle and stopped it.
"Isa na lang 'to, hija." Ani ni manong kaya tumango ako at lumapit.
"Oh, 'yong kasama mo?" he asked and pointed him kaya saglit akong bumaling kay Angelo na nakatingin sa akin.
"Ah, hindi ko po kasama." Sagot ko bago tahimik na tumalikod mula sa kanya at sumakay sa tricyle.
When I got inside, the tricycle moved so I took a glance on the side mirror and saw Angelo watching the vehicle driving away from him.
I sighed, nasapo ko ang dibdib at napapikit.
Why is it hurting so much?
When I got into the hospital, some of my colleagues greeted me. Wala ngayon ang mga dating senior ko dahil may convention abroad kaya hindi ko sila nakita at nakumusta.
Hindi bale, kapag dumating ay makakakwentuhan ko silang muli. Nakaka-miss talaga ang buhay sa San Isidro.
I was grateful of the warm welcome of my colleagues, ang iba rito'y kilala ko na pero mas marami ang bago. Mga Nurse lang madalas ang mga dati pa nandito.
I suddenly thought of my friends...Cairis and Phoebe. How are they now? Are they mad at me for leaving that way? Without even telling him?
Pumunta muna ako sa Nurse Station paraa kunin ang mga chart ng pasyente para pag-aralan nang marinig ko ang impit nilang asaran.
"Oh, bagong doktor sa OB?" I overheard them giggling.
"Oo, sis! Nakakaloka! First day daw ngayon! Nakakainggit siguro ang mga Nurse sa OB department! Sana all!"
My forehead creased, inangat ko ang tingin at kaagad na nakita si Angelo na kararating lang. He looked like a lost kid while walking towards us, even brushing his disheveled hair with his fingers.
Akala ko'y tutungo siyang OB department pero talagang dumiretso pa sa harapan ko at ipinatong ang braso niya roon.
"You okay? Did you reach here safe?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong.
"Yeah?" kumunot ang noo ko, "bakit? Ikaw?"
"I was lost," he sighed and my eyes widened a bit. "Inikot ni Kuya 'yong tricycle tapos no'ng bumaba 'yong kasama ko akala ko 'yon na."
Napailing ako at bumaling sa dispenser.
"Water?"
"No, I'm okay." He moistened his lower lip and fixed his collar. "I walked from there to here. It's fucking exhausting."
"Baka gusto mong maupo?" I offered kindly and pointed the chair inside the Nurse's Station.
"O-opo nga, Doc! Upo ka muna!" one of the nurses happily offered it at nang nilingon ko siya ay nagliliwanag na ang mata. Napanguso na ako roon at binalingan si Angelo na nakatitig sa akin, medyo naakaawang pa ang labi at naghahabol ng hininga.
"Anyway, you're late." I pointed out and checked my wrist watch. "H'wag ka na pala umupo, hinahanap ka na ng pasyente sa delivery room."
"Really?" his mouth parted.
"Doc, baka gusto mong itanong ko sa DR? Para kapag hindi, magpahinga ka muna—"
"Bilis, hinahanap ka na." Giit ko pa at nakita ko ang pagkalito sa mukha ni Angelo habang nakatingin sa akin pabalik sa Nurse pero muling napatitig sa mukha ko.
My forehead is creased and he tilted his head and smirked, nagitla ako nang inangat niya ang kamay at kinalabit ang ilong ko bago umayos ng tayo.
"Alright, if my Philie says I'm urgently needed, I'm needed." He said with an amused tone, even brushing my bangs a bit and left with his wide smile, almost hopping away from us.
My brows shot up when he vanished, naiisip muli ang ginawa at napamura sa isipan nang matanto iyon.
Damn, mood swings!
Sa buong araw na iyon ay wala ako sa sarili. Dahil unang araw ay nag-adjust pa ako, nag-ikot sa pedia ward para makita ang mga bata at makipaglaro sa kanila.
I suddenly remembered Stacy. How I missed my baby.
I had fun playing with the kids so seemed so fond of me, luckily. Masaya sila sa bagong patayong mini library at day care center sa ospital kaya masaya rin ako at natututo sila kahit nandito sila naglalagi.
Smiles from these lovely, innocent kids is such an overwhelming feeling. I can't wait to have my own baby too.
"You want Kiwi, my baby?" I uttered when my stomach began making this weird sound—meaning, I am hungry. Again.
"May mabibilhan kaya?" bulong-bulong ko sa sarili habang papasok ng opisina. I was planning to rest for a while and go out to eat when I saw a small paper bag in it.
Naglakad ako roon at unti-unting inabot at nang binuksan ko'y sumalubong sa akin ang mabangong amoy ng ulam.
I took the Tupperware out and saw it was rice with a home-made food inside. Pininyahang manok.
My stomach made a sound more kaya nagtubig ang bagang ko, lalo na nang makita ang isang plastic at sinalubong ako ng halos kalahating kilong kiwi.
"Oh, I'm so hungry..." I said and bit my lower lip, halos takbuhin na ang swivel ko para lantakan iyon.
Nakatatlong kutsara ako kaagad. Kumuha pa ako ng isa at malaki ata ang bibig na ngumanga pero saktong bumukas ang pintuan at halos mabuga ko ang pagkain nang makitang nakasilip na sa maliit na siwang doon si Angelo.
"Holy..." mabilis kong ibinaba ang kutsara at natikom ang bibig.
"Hello po..." maliit na boses niyang bati at mas pinasok na ang buong ulo. "P'wedeng makisabay?"
"May cafeteria diyan, Doc." I said and frowned.
"Wala akong friends." He said like a kid before sliding himself inside and flashed a smile, "may dala rin akong foods."
"Edi sa opisina ka kumain?" my brows shot up, "busy ako, Samaniego—"
"I have chocolate bars," biglang suhol niya umawang na ang labi ko. "But okay, I guess, I'm going—"
"U-umupo ka!" I exclaimed and pointed the empty chair in front of me. "S-sino ba nagsabing ayaw ko?"
I caught the hidden smile on his face pero nawala iyon nang simangutan ko. He walked slowly towards my direction, even glancing at my foods.
"Sarap?" he asked, "niluto ko 'yan."
Hindi ko siya inimik, kaagad kong inagaw ang hawak niyang maliit na plastic sabay silip.
"Saan chocolate ko?" I asked abruptly when I saw it was his Tupperware.
"Here," he said kaya nag-angat ako ng tingin, saktong nasa tabi ko lang pala ang mukha niya kaya suminghap na ako nang tumama ang labi niya sa pisngi ko.
"H-hoy!" I gasped and pushed his face away, "chansing ka, ah?"
He looked at me like an innocent child, he smiled a little and shrugged.
"It's just an accident but here's your chocolate," he said and took something from his pocket and showed me a chocolate bar.
Nawala sa isip ko bigla ang ginawa niyang kalapastanganan, mabilis akong umayos ng upo at nilahad ang kamay ko para kunin ang pagkain pero medyo inilayo niya sa akin.
"What?!" I growled angrily and he laughed, amused.
"Limit to two bars per day." He said kaya natahimik ako.
"A-ano?" I gasped, "why?"
"Too much sweets is bad for..." he glanced at me and sighed, "for you, babe."
"Oh..." I uttered, sighing. Remembering how I discipled myself when it comes to foods these past few days pero pakitaan lang ako ng pagkain na gusto ay halos lantakan na ang lahat.
"Three?" I negotiated.
"Two," he answered.
"Three?" I asked with a small smile and he closed his eyes, as if trying to remove my expression off his mind.
"Two." He said in finality and opened it again. "You choose, two or none?"
I felt sad for it, napalunok pa ako pero muli niya akong pinakitaan ng isa pa kaya suminghap na ako at tumango.
"Okay, two." I said sadly and he chuckled, even touched my hair before putting a bar on my palm.
"Good girl, I'll discipline your sweets." He said and I become fully distracted when I got the chocolate.
My attitude became worst when the next days came. There are times I'm calm whenever Angelo's been following me around but there are times I was fully annoyed at him. I think I loathe him some times.
I couldn't even distinguish myself.
Parang mas namana ng anak ko ang pagka-attitude at mood swings ng Tatay niya, ah?
"Pa-check up na kaya ako ulit?" bulong-bulong ko habang papalabas ng opisina at papunta ng Nurse Station.
I was having a good mood today but when I saw Angelo, I was immediately annoyed. I heard the lady's laugh at hindi ko alam na mas may bubusangot pa sa mukha ko nang makitang dikit na dikit ang babae sa kanya habang may pinapakita sa chart.
Oh, I know that woman. She's an OB-gyne too.
Angelo's poker-faced, as usual. Ang mga kamay niya'y nasa kanyang likuran habang dinudungaw ang ipinapikita ng kasamang doktor. Ayos na sana iyon pero kita ko ang pagdikit ng babae ng dyoga niya sa braso nito.
What? What the heck? What the hell?
Nakita kong may sinabi ang babae sa kanya at natigilan si Angelo pero tumaas ang sulok ng labi at medyo natawa, nailing pa kaya kumuyom ang kamay ko.
Aba't...so, gusto mo? Sige! Maghalikan na rin kayo riyan!
I stomped my feet, I made sure my heels would make a scandalous sound at hindi na ako nagtaka nang nalingon ako ng dalawa.
Angelo's eyes brightened when he saw me.
"Good morning, Dra." He greeted pero 'di ko siya sinagot, nagpapanggap na 'di narinig at tumitig na lang sa chart ko. Nagkukunwaring may binabasa.
Nilagpasan ko sila, I walked towards the station to check some other charts from the nurses.
Kitang-kita ko ang pagtambay ni gago roon sa may lamesa kung nasaan ako dumudungaw.
"Kumain ka na?" he asked pero 'di ako umimik, inabala ang mata sa binabasa.
I can see the Nurses looking our way, ang katabi ko'y sumusulyap pa kay Angelo na kumakausap ata ng hangin sa harapan.
"Don't worry about your lunch, ako na ang bahala." Aniya pero 'di ko pa rin siya hinarap, tumayo pa ako. "Initin ko na lang 'yong pagkain mo—"
"Nurse, can you check this patient, please?" I cut him off by asking the Nurse who looked baffled. Napatayo rin ito at alangang inabot ang hawak ko.
"Dra.?" she called.
"Pasuyo ako, pa-check. Baka may allergy siya sa gamot o ano. Ask her guardian." I told her and when she left, binalingan ko si Angelo.
"Yes? May kailangan ka?" I asked him coldly.
He stared at me, I think I saw pain mirrored his black eyes but he replaced it with a smile.
"Busy ka?" he asked.
"Obviously?" I pointed my charts and he nodded, moistening his lower lip. Looking lost.
"Sorry, I was just telling you about your lunch—"
"Thanks for the offer but I don't want foods from you," sabat ko. "So, please, stop bothering me."
Natigilan siya. Huli ko na natanto ang nasabi ko kaya nag-iwas na lang ako ng tingin at mabilis na umupo, muling binabalingan ang binabasa.
Walang salita siyang umalis. Wala rin naman akong narinig na kahit ano mula sa naiwang Nurses kaya nanahimik na lang din ako.
When lunch came, I was exhausted and stressed. Sinigaw-sigawan ako ng Nanay ng isang pasyente dahil umiiyak daw ang anak niya sa injection which is quite usual. She said it was my fault so I remained calm and apologized but she was still screaming at me.
I calmly left the room and went to the nurse station to breathe some fresh air but Angelo's face is what I first saw.
"Hi, Dra.!" he greeted, "here's your lunch—"
"How many times do I have to tell you to stop bothering me?" my voice is cold and hard. Nakita ko ang gulat niya roon.
"Are you okay?" tanong niya. Nangunot lang ang noo ko roon at hindi umimik. "Sorry for bothering you, here's your lunch. I know you're hungry."
"I'm full." Mariing at mahinang sagot ko para 'di marinig ng mga kasama namin.
"No, you weren't." He said, "come on, take it."
"Alright!" halos tumaas na ang boses ko, kinuha ko ang hawak niya at inilapag sa lamesa ko. "There, happy? Now, leave."
Gulat na gulat siya sa ginawa ko kaya napapikit ako ng mariin at humugot ng hininga.
"Sorry for bothering you," mahinang sabi niya bago tumango at napahawak sa batok, binibigyan pa ako ng ngiti. "I'll see you later. Eat well." He uttered before turning his back and left.
Pinagmasdan ko siyang palayo at napabuntonghininga. Inabot ko ang paper bag bago naglakad patungo sa mga Nurses at inabot iyon sa kanila.
"Here, guys." Tawag ko na may ngiti. "Pinabibigay ni Doc."
"Wow, talaga po, Dra.?" they asked in amazement and I nodded and smiled a little.
I left afterwards, naabala akong muli sa mga pasyente ko at nag-asikaso sa pagtulong sa pagbabakuna at halos alas-dos na akong natapos kaya gutom na gutom ako.
I went out of the clinic intended for the vaccination when I caught Angelo. Naglalakad siya 'di kalayuan papunta kung saan pero marahan ang lakad niya. He looks uneasy, I even caught him touched his head.
Nahulog ang chart niyang hawak, he crouched to take it but he stopped for a while. Medyo napasandal pa siya sa pader at lalapit na sana ako para tumulong pero tumayo rin siya. Kinuha ang chart niya at naglakad ng maayos.
He'll be okay, right?
I went to my office instead to look for something to eat or buy something but I saw a small yet familiar paper bag on my table.
Nagtaka ako, nilapitan iyon at nakita ang maliit na note.
I heard you gave the Nurses your lunch. It's okay. Buti na lang may lunch din akong para sa akin, sa 'yo na lang. I heated this up, don't worry. Eat well, babe. I love you :)
I froze. Binuksan ko ang Tupperware at nakitang kanin iyon na may kasamang mixed vegetables. May scrambled eggs din na may kamatis.
May smiley face at puso rin na naka-drawing sa kanin gamit ang ketchup.
My heart swelled. I realized how rude I was earlier kaya habang kumakain ay naiiyak ako.
Ang sama-sama kong tao. Hindi na ako ang dating si Philomena, masama na akong tao!
I removed my tears, kinuha ko ang phone ko para manuod ng nakakatawang videos o cute pets pero nang maligaw ako sa pinapakaing puppy na cute ay mas humikbi na ako.
"G-gusto ko rin puppy..." I uttered and cried loudly.
Almost the whole day, I didn't even see him. He used to hang around here during his free time kaya noong mga alas-singko na at ipinasuyo sa akin na maghatid ng files kay Angelo ay kinuha ko na.
I walked towards the OB department. Kaagad akong lumapit sa mga Nurses na nag-uusap, mukhang hindi mapakali.
"Hello, good afternoon." I greeted formally.
"Good afternoon po, Dra. Suarez, yes po?"
"Uh," I looked around. "Can I ask where Dr. Samaniego is? May ibibigay sana akong file?"
I was expecting them to answer pero nagtinginan sila.
"Why?" I asked in confusion.
"Uh, Dra. Suarez." She answered and sighed, "iyon nga po, Dra., si Doc po kanina nahimatay."
"What?!" I almost screamed that, nabitawan ko ang hawak ko at mas nag-panic. "W-where is he?"
"Nasa ER po, Dra." Hindi ko na siya pinatapos, kaagad akong tumalikod. Halos takbuhin ko na ang ER at nang makarating ay kaagad na nagtanong at nang ituro nila ay mabilis akong lumapit.
I removed the curtains. My chest tightened when I saw him sleeping peacefully on the bed.
"Oh, Dra. Philie." My gaze landed behind me and saw the doctor.
"Doc," I called. "H-how is he?" I asked. "Ayos naman siya, hindi ba? Gutom ba siya kaya siya nahimatay?" tuloy-tuloy kong sabi, naiisip na ibinigay niya sa akin ang pagkain na para sana sa kanya.
I saw the shock written on his face when saw my reaction kaya bumuntonghininga ako para kumalma.
"S-sorry," I cleared my throat. "I-I was just..."
"It's okay, Dra." He smiled and nodded, naglakad siya palapit kay Angelo kaya gano'n din ako. I sat beside him on the bed and touched his hand.
"Sorry for being nosy but what happened?"
"Magkakilala ba kayo ng personal ni Doc?" aniya kaya natigilan na ako. "Oh, sorry, I'm not being nosy. I was just curious. Ikaw kasi lagi ang bukambibig ni Doc kapag nagkakausap kami tapos ngayon nagpa-panic ka."
"Just..." I cleared my throat and sighed, "kakilala ko lang po s-sa ospital ko sa Maynila dati."
"Oh..." he nodded and smiled, "so, I assumed you knew he has amnesia?"
I immediately nodded and listened attentively.
"Kinausap ako ni Doc tungkol diyan. I'm a neurologist so I assumed that's why he was asking me. Hindi ko pa alam kung bakit noong una pero naintindihan ko rin, tinatanong niya ako kung may pag-asa ba raw maalala kaagad 'yong nakalimutan niya."
My heart swelled upon hearing that kaya napahawak ako ng mahigpit sa kanya.
"I was not a licensed hypnotist so I couldn't help in that aspect. I told him to let it happen alone, not even force it pero makulit ata. He was telling me his head's been aching lately, I assumed it was because he's forcing himself. Tapos kanina, I heard he just got out of DR when he fainted."
I find it hard to breathe, muling napasulyap ako kay Angelo at bakas doon ang pagod sa mukha niya.
"He's stressed," muling sabi niya. "And also, due to exhaustion. Alam mo namang maliit na probinsya lang ang San Isidro pero daming nanganganak."
Maybe it was his way to make me laugh, nang sulyapan ko siya ay may ngiti na rin sa labi niya.
"I don't know what relationship you two have but I am hoping kung sakaling may problema kayo'y maayos niyo agad o magkaintindihan kayo. He's trying hard, Dra. Suarez. And I can see you're hurting too. I am no professional when it comes to feelings like that but I can see you two are still in love with each other."
Namilog ang mata ko, mabilis na napailing.
"N-no," I said in a low voice.
"Hmm, okay." He smirked and glanced at Angelo's way. "He'll wake up maybe after an hour or two. Doon muna ako sa ward ko, Dra., you can stay here if you like."
When he left and closed the curtain, my eyes landed back to Angelo. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kanyang kamay. Muli ko iyong hinaplos bago unti-unting inilapit sa labi ko para magpatak ng halik.
"Bakit mo kasi binigay sa akin 'yong lunch mo?" bulong ko sa kanya at ibinaba ang kamay. Pagkatapos ay inabot ko ang buhok niya para saglit na suklayan ng daliri ko.
"You shouldn't be forcing yourself." I may look crazy talking to someone sleeping but I didn't care. "I should've checked when I saw you like that earlier. I'm sorry."
I stayed there for maybe half an hour. Ayaw ko na sanang umalis para antayin ang pag-gising niya pero pinatawag ako sa ward kaya dumalo ako at nag-asikaso ng pasyente.
After an hour and it's my time to go home, nagtungo ako kaagad sa ER para i-check kung gising na si Angelo pero ang Nurse na naglilinis na lang ng higaan ang naabutan ko.
"Dra., good afternoon!" she greeted and I smiled and nodded.
"Good afternoon too. Si Angelo?" I asked.
"Ah, si Doc Samaniego po? Nagising po kanina, siguro mga twenty minutes ago. Iche-check ko nga po sana pero sabi niya ayos na siya tapos umalis. Hindi ko po alam kung saan."
I nodded and thanked her. Nagtungo ako sa pedia ward para magtanong pero hindi raw nagpunta roon si Gelo. I also went to my station and even to neurology and other parts of the hospital but I couldn't see him which made me really nervous.
Nag-ikot-ikot ako. Nakaabot pa nga ako sa fourth floor kakahanap sa kanya sa mga department pero wala at no'ng naisip kong umuwi na lang at baka naroon siya pero nadaanan ko ang medyo nakaawang na pintuan ng rooftop.
My forehead creased. I could ignore it and go home but my feet have a mind of its own. Binuksan ko ang rooftop at pumasok, ang dalawang maliliit na ilaw lang ang nagbibigay liwanag kaya medyo nakakatakot.
I was about to leave when I heard faint sobs.
Napahawak ako ng mahigpit sa bag ko.
Is that...a ghost?
I shivered, was about to run away from the place when I saw a silhouette from underneath one of the lights. It was enough to make me scream and ran away from the place but the familiar built stopped me.
I walked towards him and my heart squeezed tightly when I saw who was it.
Angelo is sitting on the ground with his head down and pressed on his palm. His shoulders are shaking because of his cries and it was agonizing to hear.
Naglakad ako mas malapit sa kanya, inangat ang kamay para hawakan ang kanyang buhok pero hindi ko iyon itinuloy. Sa halip ay tahimik akong naupo sa lapag katabi niya, walang pakialam kung marumihan din ang damit.
I felt him stilled from his face, nang medyo sumilip siya at makita ako ay bumalatay ang gulat sa mga mata niya kaya ngumiti ako.
"You okay?" I asked in a soft voice, even offering him my hanky and he removed his palms on his face and faced me.
One by one, I saw the tears falling from his both bloodshot eyes. Nagkatitigan kami at naiwan sa ere ang kamay kong may hawak na panyo nang basta na lang siyang tumayo bago lumuhod sa harapan ko.
"A-Angelo!" tawag ko sa sobrang gulat, lalo na nang sapuin niya ang kamay kong nakalahad sa ere at inilapit sa mukha niya.
"N-naalala ko n-na..." his voice broke and he began sobbing more. "I-I remembered e-everything."
Ayaw ko man ay unti-unting nahulog ang luha ko.
"I-I'm sorry," he whispered. "I-I'm so sorry, babe. P-please, I'm sorry. H'wag ka na m-magalit, sorry..."
Hindi ako nakasagot, mas nanginig ang kanyang balikat at napapikit na ako nang mas lumapit siya at yumakap sa sa akin. His strong arms became my strength when I felt my body weakening.
"G-gagawin ko lahat," puno ng panibugho niyang bulong. "I-I did my best, babe. I-I remembered you now. S-sorry it to me so damn long to remember our every memory."
My eyes glinted in tears when he gently cupped my cheek. His eyes filled with sorrow and regrets.
"S-sorry kung matagal ako. U-uuwi naman ako." Mahinang sabi niya at hinaplos muli ang pisngi ko. "K-kung kailan naman kasi n-naalala ko lahat wala ka n-na sa 'kin."
My loud sobs filled the place and he was just cuddling me, touching my arms because I am shaking so much.
"P-please, don't leave me?" he begged those words on my ear while he's hugging me. "A-ang gago ko lang kasi, k-kung sana inalagaan kita. K-kahit wala akong maalala noon. I-if only I didn't listen to other people. If only I believed you. I-if only you're still m-mine."
"P-paano si S-Sam?" I was even surprised to finally say that name.
He was stunned, kita ko kung paano siya natigilan pero mayamaya'y lumayo na sa akin at muling hinanap ang mata ko.
"W-what about her, hmm?" malambing niyang tanong at mas hinaplos ang pisngi ko ng hinlalaki niya. "T-tell me, okay? Tell me everything you want to say. Ask me anything. S-sasagutin ko, pangako."
I bit my lower lip and dried the tears on my cheeks and looked at him.
"W-why did she called you?"
"Called?" his brows furrowed. "When?"
"N-no'ng nakaraan," mahinang sagot ko at pinagmasdan ang isang kamay niyang hinuhuli na ang mga daliri ko para haplusin. "'Y-yong may nangyari sa atin, she called and t-texted you."
"Is that why..." hinanap niya ang tingin ko pero nag-iwas lang ako at pinagmasdan ang kamay namin.
"I blocked her number a lot of times, Philie." What he said made me look at him again and saw the truth on his eyes. "Ever since S-Stacy, I didn't have a connection with her." his voice broke when he said our baby's name.
"Then why..."
"She's doing everything to get my number again. When I blocked her, she used a new number. When I changed my number, she found it again and all I could do now is ignore her."
"S-she's calling you h-honey..." malungkot kong sabi. "I-if you two are still together, why are you still here with me? B-bakit ka...pa sumusunod sa akin? We're divorced, hindi ka ba napapagod sa palagi kitang i-inaaway? Kung siya na lang? 'Di ba siya ang m-mahal mo?"
"Who told you it was her I love?" he asked me back, startling me. "And we're divorced. If I'm still in love with her, I'd probably come back running but I am here—chasing you. No matter how many times you wanted me to give up, to leave you alone. Ayoko. Bakit?"
He lifted my hand and gave it a small kiss, "kasi m-mahal kita, Philomena. Ikaw lang ang nag-iisa sa puso ko. S-sa 'yo lang ako palagi uuwi. Why would I give up the only woman I loved this much? You are strong to even try and mend our broken marriage and now, ako naman. K-kung pagod ka na, ako naman ang lalaban para sa 'yo—para sa atin."
I bit my inner check and composed myself to refrain from crying too much.
"I swear to you...I swear to my life, Philomena. I-I never fooled around anyone else." He said in a whisper. "I-I wanted to start everything, a fresh one. G-gusto kong suyuin ka, ayokong ikulong ka sa kasal na sakit lang ang idinulot sa 'yo. You don't deserve that kind of p-pain, babe. You deserved the best."
"W-when I needed you the most, you weren't there." Mas naiyak ako, "k-kailangan kita, Angelo! N-noong nawala si Stacy, nasaan ka, huh?!" I smacked his chest after pulling my hand away from his grip and he gasped and closed his eyes but still let me.
"I-I was alone! I-it was our anniversary! Our baby S-Stacy died pero w-wala ka! Nandoon ka sa baba emo!" puno ng galit at panibugho ko sigaw, sinampal ko pa siya pero hinayaan niya lang ako at mas tumungo lang.
"I-I was hurt! I was so hurt! M-mag-isa lang ako no'n! W-wala akong makapitan k-kasi...kasi 'yong asawa ko..." I sobbed and shook my head.
He didn't say anything, he just let me hurt him. I couldn't contain my anger and agony as I burst out every pain it caused me.
"K-kaya kong tiisin ang lahat, Angelo! Kaya ko...kaya kong ipaglaban ang kasal na 'yon kahit maubos ako p-pero si Stacy..." I cried hysterically. "S-Si Stacy, no'ng nawala si Stacy k-kailangan kita...kailangan ko 'yong asawa ko. K-kailangan ko si Gelo k-ko pero wala..."
He listened to me and did not say anything. I was being physical but he didn't fight and let me punched his chest in such distress.
"W-wala ka...wala 'yong tahanan ko no'ng kailangan ko ng pamilya. W-wala 'yong asawa ko." Bulong ko at habang humahagulgol ay mahigpit niya lang ako niyakap at hinaplos ang likod ko.
Napagod din ako pagkaraan sa pag-iyak at pagpalo sa kanya. My hand fell and my body weakened more but he assisted me while I was fragile.
It took us a few minutes to finally calm me down and he moved away. His jet black eyes glistening underneath the setting sun behind him.
"Are you okay now?" he asked in a gentle voice, "can you listen? Or no? I can give you time. Gusto mo, umuwi muna tayo tapos makapagpahinga ka?"
I shook my head, "j-just tell everything now. So, we could...we could end this once and for all."
I think I saw the pain shattered the gentleness on his eyes. Muling nahulog ang luha niya pero tumango siya at napalunok.
"Alright," he said in a low voice. "After listening and you really can't bear to be with me, I understand."
He sighed and brushed his hair, umayos siya ng upo sa harapan ko at muling humawak sa kamay ko.
"Sam called that night while I'm on my way home to you." Aniya habang nakatitig sa kamay ko. "She said she wanted to apologize for lying to me to ruin us and that's it. I wasn't even planning to show my face and go to her place but she said she has something important to say and it will only take a minute or two.
"Me being an idiot went there, curious of what she's going to say. Akala ko'y mayro'n nga pero hindi niya ako pinapaalis, sumubok akong umalis, Philie. Nasa pintuan na ako papalabas no'ng bigla siyang sumigaw and when I looked back, she was threatening me with a knife."
"W-what?"
"I convinced her to stop it and we could talk about her problems but she refused. Gusto niyang magkabalikan kami."
"Then, you should've come back to her—"
"I have you, Philomena." His voice turned dark, "I have a wife. I have you! Bakit ako makikipagbalikan sa kanya?"
"You couldn't even recognize me, right? It's her you thought you have a relationship with. Hindi lang ba madali—"
"I promised you we'll work it out, right?" he cut me off. "I may be a fucking asshole to you at first but I intend to keep my promise and try to learn about you more! To remember us! To fix our marriage!"
"Really?" I asked bitterly, "what about when I called you? You said she needed you! You even turned the call off!"
"She was killing herself, Philie." He explained in such desperation. "It was too late for me to answer my phone because she took it from me. She asked me to stay with her or she'll kill herself. She saw your name on my phone and asked me to say no to you and I wasn't the one to turn it off. It was her."
Natigilan ako, unti-unting bumalik sa ala-ala ko ang nangyari noong araw na 'yon at naalala ang duguan niyang damit.
"Then why..." sumulyap ako sa may braso niya. "You were bleeding before."
"I was worried of you so I know I have to do something. I tried taking the knife from her so I could leave or call her parents at least and we fought. She stabbed my arm and..."
Lumunok siya at napatungo, "I called the ambulance after because she realized what she did. She was crying and saying sorry to me. I contacted her parents, found out about Stacy and I was too late. I was fucking late I wasn't even there for you. I didn't even get to say goodbye to our daughter."
Natahimik kaming dalawa, ang pansin ko ay nanatili sa kamay kong hawak at hinahaplos niya.
"I'm sorry," he said after a while. "For being an asshole to you, for disrespecting you like that when I couldn't even remember everything. Maybe I got to save this marriage if I just fixed my idiotic attitude. Guess I'm still the toxic person I am before—maybe it got worse."
Sinulyapan ko siya, nahuli ko ang sakit at panlulumo sa mata niya habang pinagmamasdan ang kamay naming magkahawak, tila nanghihinayang.
"Kung hinawakan ko sana nang mahigpit ang kamay mo, hindi ko sana mabibitawan." Halos bulong na iyon. "I kept on begging you to take me back when in fact, I should give you the will to decide."
He touched my palm, muli niyang inangat ang kamay ko at dinala sa kanyang labi bago hinanap ang mga mata ko.
"Mahal kita," he said in much sincerity I honestly felt. "I don't want to give you up. I wanted to fight for you but if seeing me hurts you, if you don't want me to pursue you more then..."
His voice broke, nangilid ang luha kong muli habang nakatitig sa kanya at nabakas ang kung anong reaksyon sa mga mata niya. I think it was a mixture of pain and acceptance.
"If for now, you wanted to be alone and have your peace, I'll accept it. Sino ba namang matutuwa sa nangyari sa kasal natin?" he smiled sadly and squeezed my hand. "I just realized I'm such a pain in the ass for you, you shouldn't even have to be that stressed but you are—because of me.
"A-are you giving up now?" hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili nang lumabas ang pait doon. "You'll stop? You're leaving me alone?"
"No," he shook his head. "I won't just give up on you, Philie. Itong pagmamahal ko sa 'yo kasing tigas ng yelo kahit iuntog mo pa sa ulo ko."
I closed my eyes, couldn't help but smile at his remark before opening it again.
"I'm just giving you some space so you would miss me." He smirked playfully, "Hopefully?"
"Ewan ko sa 'yo, Samaniego." Natawa ako at nailing sa kanya.
"What I mean is—he tucked my hair behind my ear—I am willing to give you some space. I think me being this persistent is stressing you. I don't want to risk. Hindi naman ibig sabihin no'n ay susuko na ako. My love for you isn't that shallow, Philomena. I'll give you space but I'll still be pursuing you on the sidelines."
"You are persistent, huh?"
"I'm not Mr. Persistent for nothing, Elsa." He chuckled lowly. "I could even offer you to hurt me. Slap me or pull my hair, you could even push me down the stairs—"
"Gago ka ba?" bumusangot na ako. "Kakaalala mo pa nga lang gusto mo ulit mabagok?!"
He laughed, sa kabila ng luha ay nabakas ko ang aliw niya.
"Kidding aside but I'll do everything just so I could woo you again. Start from scratch, kahit magsaka pa ako buong buhay ko makuha ka lang muli gagawin ko. I won't even try to embarrass myself but I became a viral funny meme on social media." He sighed, "but it's okay, kung kapalit din ang ngiti mo okay na. They can laugh all they want but at least Hari ako ng Dinibdibang Lupa ng San Isidro at bagay tayo."
I bit my inner cheek and reached for his face too and dry his tears too.
"What about Sam?" maliit kong tanong, "what happened to her?"
"She was in the hospital. She was ill, Philie. Her family asked professionals for help. Why can she still call me? That, I don't know." He sighed and stood, offering me his hand.
"What..." he gritted his teeth when he realized where I was sitting. "Why are you sitting on the floor, Philomena? It's fucking cold there!"
"It's okay, hindi naman." I said and took his hand, "and I am wearing pants."
He groaned, "ang tigas ng ulo." Reklamo pa niya. "Walang chocolate bar ngayong gabi." Aniya at parang wala lang na pinagpagan paalis ang dumi sa pants ko. Sa may pwetan pa, exactly.
"What?!" I exclaimed, "why—" my eyes widened when he spanked me from behind. Kaagad kong naramdaman ang kung anong weird sa pakiramdam.
"That's how you punish a naughty girl," he moved his face back on me and grinned, his seducing jet black eyes staring. "You sat on the floor and—"
"G-gelo?" I called and he stopped from speaking.
"Hmm?" he hummed, nawala ang atensyon sa pants ko at muling pumunas ng tuyong luha sa pisngi ko. He even fixed my bangs at dahil sa sobrang magkalapit kami ay napapalunok ako.
Amoy na amoy ko ang pamilyar at panlalaking pabango niya. Even if he cried, he still looked so damn hot and...fuckable.
"Well..." I trailed off and licked my lower lip, staring at his delicious and lickable neck and saw a golden chain in it.
"Hmm, I'm sorry I made my babe cry again," he hummed again and looked for my eyes. "You okay? Gutom ka na ba? Anong gusto mong kainin—"
"Kainin mo 'ko." I answered nervously and his jaw dropped.
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen3h.Co