Chapter 40
Code's POV
My eyes grew wide with Grey's sudden request—no, order. I felt like a brick was suddenly thrown right onto my face before I immediately pulled away and stood up straight in front of him.
Did I hear it right? He wants to... call it off? The agreement? The... FUBU situation?
My lips parted, and I cleared my throat before brushing my hair with my fingers, trying to search for the right thing to respond.
"Aren't you gonna say something?" My head snapped at Grey's direction, who was still sitting down on the sofa, his legs spread apart as his back rested on the cushion.
I pursed my lips, "Uhh...— sure! No problem, totally fine." I gave him the something he wanted me to say.
His lips parted before nodding, "That's it? You won't... ask me why?" he asked, raising both his brows up.
I nibbled on my lower lip before shrugging, "Do you have a reason why?" I asked him back.
His lips parted for the second time, his eyes grew wide a bit before he cleared his throat, "Uhm... It's just... I don't think... well—..." Our eyes locked with each other. And just by a mere eye contact, my heartbeat went fast.
He looked away, he swallowed a lump in his throat before looking back at me, now a more serious and determined expression was printed on his face. "I just don't want to do it with you anymore," he blurted out.
My lips parted. If my heart could shatter, it would've been broken into pieces.
Don't want to do it with me? So that means... he would want to do it someone else?
I wanted to ask him why. I want to ask him further. Was it because of my performance? Was I a bad fuck? Did he not enjoy the nights we spent together?
Alin dun? Alin dun ang hindi niya nagustuhan para baguhin ko? Para maayos ko!
I forced a small smile on my lips, "Okay, I understand." I nodded slightly.
I took a deep breath, pushed my hand inside my pockets, and taking a step backwards, "So... I'll get going. Thanks for the... first aid." I awkwardly smile before facing my back at him and walking towards the door.
The moment I stepped out, I let out a deep and loud sigh.
I just got dumped, wow. By my fuck buddy. At the age of 31. WOW!
I wasn't in the mood the whole day at work. I couldn't focus during meetings and couldn't process anything. Writing a simple email was tough for me today, so I asked my secretary to do it for me.
I couldn't get myself to force a smile when I picked up Chiara at school. And the first thing I did when we arrived home was to call Lukas and tell him I'll be showing up at his house after dinner.
After eating, I told Chiara I'll be going to Lukas's place for a small adult talk. Thankfully, Chiara didn't want to come and just decided to play with her toys.
I grabbed a bottle of an imported whiskey from my liquor shelf before driving off to Lukas's house.
I grabbed the bottle of liquor on the passenger seat before stepping out of the car. The moment my feet landed on the ground, I immediately marched inside his house. I was even surprised when one of his helpers welcomed me, and I had to force a smile.
"Nasa may pool po si sir Lukas, hinihintay na kayo." ani nito, tumango ako, nagpasalamat bago pumunta sa likuran ng bahay ni Lukas.
"What's up my bro? Kamusta ka?" Malawak pa ang ngiti sa labi niya nang ilapag ko sa harap nito ang bote ng alak.
Napabuntong-hininga ako bago naupo sa bangko na nasa harapan niya, "Wala na kami." seryoso kong turan habang nakasandal sa bangko.
Kumunot ang noo nito, "Sino? —"
"Si Grey, sino pa ba?" Inis kong putol sa kaniya bago dinampot ang bote ng alak at binuksan ito.
Napabangon ito mula sa pakakasandal sa bangko, "Anong wala na kayo? Wala naman talagang kayo, eh." Pabalang nitong sagot.
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin, "Hayop talaga," bulong ko bago nagsalin ng alak sa baso.
Napatawa ito nang pagak, "Oh, bakit? Wala naman talaga, diba? May kayo ba?" Pag-uulit pa niya na ikina-singhal ako bago muling sumandal sa bangko at agad nilaklak ang alak sa baso.
"Sa FUBU kasi, gago! Wala na! Ayaw na niyang makipag-sex sa'kin! Bakit ko ba kasi sinabi sa'yo, eh. Nausog tuloy, shit talaga!" Mura ko bago kumawala ang isang singhal sa labi ko.
Ilang mallaim na hininga ang kumawala sa labi ko habang naglilibot ng tingin sa paligid, sinusubukang pakalmahin ang sarili ko.
"Ano bang kulang sa'kin? Ano bang mali sa'kin? Anong kailangan kong gawin para... para hindi siya makipag-break sa'kin bilang FUBU?!" Nagbaling ako ng tingin kay Lukas na namimilog ang mata na nakatingin sa akin.
Nakita kong nanginig ang mga labi niya bago ilang segundo ang makalipas ay humagalpak ito ng tawa, "Corny mo, gago!" Binato ako nito ng corn bits.
Napapikit ako nang mariin bago napamasahe sa noo, "Pare!!" Nagpapadyak ako sa sahig, "Can't you see na nasasaktan ako?! I feel like I'm going through a break-up!" When I shot my eyes open, Lukas is dying from laughter, clutching his stomach with both his hands as he throw his head back.
"Anong break?! Gago! FUBU lang yun! Sinearch ko kaya yun! No strings attached dapat! Don't tell me na-fall ka kay Grey—"
"Oo naman!! Gago, oo naman!" Putol ko agad sa kaniya. Natigilan ito sa pagtawa, namilog ang mata bago nag-ayos ng upo.
Napahilamos ako sa mukha, "Lukas naman, you know how much I still love him. And even though I know a FUBU relationship should be... casual and no strings attached, pumayag pa rin ako sa gusto niya. Siya na yun, eh! Magiging choosy pa ba ako?!" singhal ko rito bago muling napasandal sa sofa at ipinatong ang kamay ko sa aking noo.
Narinig kong sumipol si Lukas bago dinampot ang baso sa harap niya at nagsalin ng alak, "Baka kasi hindi ka masarap kaya umayaw na si Grey." Seryoso niyang turan habang nagsasalin ng alak.
Napabuntong-hininga ako habang nakatingala sa kalangitan, "Tangina, pare, kung gusto mo, tikman mo ako ngayon din para magka-alaman tayo—"
"Yuck! Tangina! Hindi na!" Halos idura nito ang alak na sinimsim niya bago nagpahid ng labi na siyang ikinahagikhik ko.
"Mangilabot ka naman sa mga sinasabi mo! 'Di tayo talo, Code! Alam mo namang... parehas tayong ano..." sumenyas ito, nilingon ko siya gamit lang ang mata ko bago napahagikhik habang nakatingala pa rin.
"Alam ko, gago. Ang akin lang... imposible naman na dahil lang hindi siya nasarapn kaya siya umayaw. Wala bang ibang explanation? Walang ibang dahilan?" Tanong ko at nagkibit-balikat si Lukas.
"What did I tell you last time? Grey might be closeted, kaya ganun," he replied, which made me shut my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Tangina, ang sakit talaga," bulong ko bago muling nagmulat ng mga mata.
Narinig kong humagikhik si Lukas bago muling nagsalin ng alak sa baso, "Baka ginagantihan ka ni Grey dahil sa ginawa mo sa kaniya dati? Ginawa ka lang niyang parausan tapos ngayon na hindi ka na kailangan, goodbye ka na." ani nito na bahagya kong ikingisi nang mapait.
"Baka nga, baka ito na ang ganti niya sa akin." ani ko bago muling sumimsim ng alak.
Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang binunot ko sa kailaliman ng baga ko. Mabigat pa rin ang pakiramdam sa dibdib ko, may kung anong mabigat sa ulo at may nagbabadyang luha na mabubuo sa mga mata ko.
"Paano ko ba sasabihin kay Grey na mahal ko pa rin siya?" Nilingon ko si Lukas, kunot-noo ako nitong tiningnan habang namimilog ang mga mata.
"Edi... sabihin mo. Diretsohin mo lang, ganun." sagot niya na ikinabuntong-hininga ko, "Edi baka pinatay ako nun nang wala sa oras?" Biro ko bago sumimsim ng alak.
Bumuntong-hininga si Lukas at bahagyang inilapit ang katawan paunahan, "Kaysa mamatay ka nang hindi nalalaman ni Grey na mahal mo pa rin siya, diba? Habang-buhay mong pagsisisihan kapag hindi mo sinabi kay Grey na hanggang ngayon, mahal mo pa rin siya at hindi mo naman talaga siya ginamit noon." Seryoso niyang turan. Bahagyang akong natigilan, ilang segundo akong nakatulala sa kaniya. Pakurap-kurap at iniintindi ang sinabi niya.
Pero tumawa ito nang pagak bago nagkibit-balikat, "Pero ikaw bahala, buhay mo naman 'yan. Nag ad-advice lang ako. Baka multohin mo pa ako kapag pinatay ka ni Grey, eh."
Grey's POV
A loud sigh escaped my lips after my patient left the clinic. I threw my head back, leaning against my chair as I gave myself a slight spin.
It's just 4 PM, I still have 6 hours before my shift ends. And it scares me how a lot of things can happen within those two hours.
I took a 15-minute break, staring at the ceiling of my clinic while I hummed a song I just remembered a while ago. When my 15 minutes ended, I stood up from my chair, grabbed my clipboard, and headed out of my clinic to do rounds on my patients.
I spent around 1 and a half hours checking my patients. And for the rest of my shift, I worked on my patients' papers, histories, and records before I headed home.
I had dinner within an hour, washed the dishes, took a shower, and tucked myself in bed by 8:00 PM.
Damn... now what? My shift starts tomorrow at 6 AM, and it's too early to sleep.
"Uh, fuck," I rubbed my hands through my face.
Now this is another episode of me regretting that I cut things off with Code.
Akala ko naman na kapag nasabi ko na sa kaniya ang gusto kong sabihin at tinigil na ang pakikipagkita sa kaniya ay mawawala na ang kung anong nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. Akala ko ay makakalimot na ulit ako at makakalaya sa kung anu-anong iniisip ko.
Pero bakit parang mas lumalala ang mga pangyayari? Bakit parang mas madalas ko siyang iniisip? Bakit parang... nangungulila ako?
I couldn't get myself to sleep. I already took a sleeping pill, but it doesn't help.
I decided to pop open a can of beer while smoking on my balcony. The cold air of August brushed against my face, playing with my hair, drying up my lips.
But I like it. I like the cold air. I like cold and silent nights. But definitely not the ones that feel lonely, just like this one.
If I didn't cut things with Code, it would be so easy to message him and meet up at his place. It'll be so easy to tire myself out and fall asleep the second we stop having sex.
But it's for the best... right?
For the next few days, my situation got worse. I tried to gaslight myself every time that everything would be better and go back to how it used to be.
I was fine working here at the hospital for four years! I was fine by myself for the last few years. I was coping, I was handling it like a pro. But when Code came back? I felt like my world was shaken. For some unknown reason, something in me that I built for years was demolished, and little by little, it all went down.
"Hey, Cairo, you have a minute?" I was relieved that I finally got to see Cairo at the hospital.
His brows furrowed a bit before he placed down the folder he was reading something, "Uhm... yeah, sure, sure, what's the problem?" he asked, fixing his glasses.
I bit my lower lip, I glanced at the nurses inside the station before I grabbed Cairo by his hand and dragged him towards the hallway.
"Sandali nga, Grey, okay ka lang ba? Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo? Nag-aalala ako sa'yo, eh." Natataranta nitong tanong.
Bumunot ako ng isang malalim na hininga bago pinaglaruan ang mga daliri ko, "I... finally said it. To Code... about... me wanting to stop our FUBU situation." I hesitantly said.
Cairo's lips parted, he looked around first before stepping closer to me, "And? How did it go? How do you feel now?" he asked, a small smile printed on his lips.
I pursed my lips and glanced to the side to see if someone was around, "It was... fine," I looked back at him and gave him a faint smile.
"He... agreed din naman and... ayun, wala na." Dagdag ko at agad siyang tumango.
"Pero bakit parang malungkot ka? Akala ko ba... you're doing this kasi nahihirapan ka na sa sitwasyon niyo?" tanong niya. At doon ay parang naramdaman ko na rumagasa ang damdamin at emosyon ko.
Nanikip ang dibdib ko, lumalim ang paghinga ko at bahagyang namasa ang mga mata ko. Ang mga nararamdaman ko nang mga nakaraang araw na tinatago-tago ko ay parang mga hayop na kumawala sa kulungan.
Agad akong napaluha, "Nahihirapan ako lalo, eh." Napahikbi ako nang bahagya. Namilog ang mata ni Cairo bago ako hinawakan sa kamay at agad dinala sa may fire exit.
"Oh, oh, bakit ka umiiyak?" Natataranta niyang turan habang tahimik akong umiiyak sa harap niya.
Napahikbi ako bago agad pinunasan ang luha sa pisnge ko gamit ang manggas ng lab gown ko, "Kasi... mas... nahihirapan ako ngayon. Mas... lagi ko siyang iniisip. Mas... lagi siyang pumapasok sa isip ko. Nahihirapan ako. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam." Nag-unahan na umagos ang mga luha sa pisnge ko.
Narinig kong kumawala ang isang buntong-hininga sa labi ni Cairo bago ako hinimas-himas sa balikat, "Paano na ngayon? Anong gusto mong gawin?" tanong niya.
Agad akong napa-iling bago pinunasan ang luha sa pisnge ko, "H-Hindi ko na alam, wala ng pumapasok sa utak ko." Para akong bata na nagsusumbong.
Bumagsak ang magkabilang balikat ni Cairo at ilang segundo akong pinagmasdan, "Pero anong sinasabi ng puso mo?" tanong niya at doon ay bahagya akong natigilan.
"Kung walang... maisip ang utak mo, I'm sure may nararamdaman yung puso mo." Malumanay niyang turan.
Nilunok ko ang laway sa bibig ko bago inayos ang salamin ko, "Ayaw kong... pakinggan yung sinasabi ng puso ko." Mahina kong turan.
Lumambot ang ekspresyon sa mukha ni Cairo, "Bakit?" Maikli niyang tanong.
Binasa ko ang baba ng labi ko, "Mali, eh. Mali yung sinasabi niya." sagot ko at agad nagparte ang labi ni Cairo.
"Paano naging mali, eh puso mo 'yan?" tanong niya at agad akong umiling, "Basta, mali, mali ang sinasabi niya. Maling-mali ang gusto niyang mangyari." ani ko at utay-utay tumango si Cairo bago patuloy na hinimas ang likod ko.
Parehas kaming napatingin sa cellphone ko na biglang tumunog. Agad kong pinahid ang natitirang luha sa mata at pisnge ko bago kinuha ang cellphone sa bulsa ng coat ko.
"Hello? Mom?" I answered the call, sinilip pa ni Cairo ang mukha ko at bahagyang nangwestyon ang ekspresyon niya.
[Hello? Grey, pupunta ang ninong mo sa bahay mamayang gabi. Are you free to have dinner with us?] she asked, and my lips immediately parted. I glanced back at Cairo, who seemed to be invested in the sudden call.
"Uhm... what time?" I asked before looking at my watch.
I heard Mom cheered on the other line, [It's on 7:30 PM, anak. Makakapunta ka ba?] tanong niya at napabuntong hininga ako.
"Yes, I can be there," I replied, and I heard her clap at the other line, [Great! See you later, anak! Bye!] she happily said.
A small smile crept on my lips, "Bye, Mom," I replied before ending the call.
"Anong sabi ni Tita?" tanong ni Cairo na bahagya kong ikiangiti, "We're having dinner sa bahay mamaya, pinapapunta ako." sagot ko at bahagyang ngumuso si Cairo.
"Ay, iimbitahan pa man din sana kita sa bahay, may binili akong lambanog galing Quezon, masarap sana inumin mamaya." Nanghihinayang niyang turan na ikinatawa ko.
"Next time, pagbibigyan ko lang si Mommy." sagot ko at ngumisi ito, "Oo naman, okay ka na ba?" tanong niya at bumuntong-hininga ako.
"Kailangan, may dalawang oras pa akong shift." sagot ko na ikinatawa ni Cairo.
Bumalik na kami sa nurse's station. Bumalik na rin ako sa ward para bisitahin ang mga pasyente ko dahil doon naman talaga dapat ako pupunta kanina kung hindi ko lang nadaanan si Cairo.
May pasyente rin na dumating sa ER na isang bata na nasagasan ng tricycle sa may school nila. Bago pa man mag alas sais ng hapon ay na-asikaso ko na ang bata at naipa-admit na rin. Binisita at kinamusta ko pa ito bago tuluyang umalis ng ospital at umuwi ng condo para magbihis.
I didn't really wanna attend that dinner. First of all, I just remembered what I found out weeks ago. Second, my godfathers will be there. Surely, they won't stop asking me about taking over our business. And probably ask me about getting married and having kids!
I'm still thinking of not going while I take a shower. Even after changing into the navy blue, long sleeves with a half-zip by the collar, I'm still having second thoughts.
But it's Mom's request, she will be sad if I don't show up and bail them off just like last time.
I took countless deep breaths before I left my unit. I was anxious the whole time I was driving, and when I arrived at our house, I'm afraid I might lose my cool and burst out of emotions.
Mom immediately welcomed me when I entered the house. She introduced me to the wives of my god-fathers, and I'm surprised one of our investors is here.
Akala ko ba mga ninong ko lang?
When we went to the dining room, I was surprised to see an unfamiliar face. She's wearing a white, off-shoulder dress, a gold necklace, and her hair tied into a bun.
Who's this woman?
"Andito na pala ang inaanak ko," bati ni ninong bago tumayo mula sa bangko niya. Agad akong nagmano dito pagkatapos ay niyakap ako nito na ikinagulat ko pa nang bahagya.
"Come, sit down, may ipapakila ang Dad mo sa'yo." Malaki ang ngisi sa labi niya. Agad naman napakunot ang noo ko bago tiningnan si Dad na bahagyang namilog ang mga mata.
I immediately felt my blood boil. What is he up to now? I'm still upset about what I found weeks ago. I can't handle another surprise tonight. Heck, I'm not yet even done crying about Code. Hindi ko kakayanin kung may isa pang problema na dadagdag ngayong gabi.
They started serving us food. They made me sit across the unfamiliar woman, who I must say is way younger than me. We haven't even started eating when they have already started talking about business. And as much as possible, I try to select only a few things to hear since I'm not interested in the conversation.
When we started eating, I decided to just focus on my food and give no care about their conversation. I didn't even budge to lift my head, not even once.
I just... really don't care.
"Grey,"
My eyes travelled in the direction of the voice that had just called me. Then I lifted my head, picked up the table napkin beside my plate, and wiped the side of my lips.
"Yes?" I lifted both my brows, munching on the remaining food in my mouth.
The investor, whom I suppose is Mr. Villegas, smiled at me before wrapping his right arm around the woman beside him.
"This is my daughter, Xaitlin Helena Villegas, she just got into med school at UST," he introduced me to his daughter.
I forced a smile, widening my eyes a bit to make it seem that I looked delighted to see his daughter.
"Hi, I'm Rafael Grey," I shortly introduced myself.
The woman, who seems kind, smiled and held her hands out, "Nice meeting you, Doctor Grey," she said, I got shy a bit with the sudden title before my name, I shyly smiled before reaching out for her hand, "Nice meeting you," I said, maintaining the smile on my face.
I sat comfortably in my chair as I withdrew my hand. I picked up my utensils when Mr. Villegas spoke, "She's the daughter I was talking about the other week. Isn't she pretty, Grey?" he asked,
I forced another smile, "Yes, Sir, she's pretty." I replied, and Mr. Villegas chuckled.
"Did you hear that, Richard? I told you, they will look good together," he proudly said, which immediately made my brows furrow.
Hold up, sinabi ko lang na maganda yung anak niya. Hindi ko sinabi na papatulan ko.
I chose not to speak up and just continued eating. I tried to ignore him, but he just kept on talking and talking.
"I think they will really get along since they're both in the medical field," he added, which just made me sigh.
I don't care if I look disrespectful and uninterested right now. That's exactly how I feel anyway.
"I think Xaitlin is open for a wedding naman. If... Richard is thinking about... a possible... marriage between the Chua and Villegas, hindi naman siguro magiging problema ang pag-aaral ng anak ko kung ikakasal sila ni Grey."
My head jolted up. My eyes widened, brows furrowed before looking at my father, who seemed... relaxed about the conversation.
Dad! Speak up! Say something!
"Grey is your only inheritor, Richard. This is a good opportunity for you to secure that your bloodline will continue—"
"I... don't think Xaitlin and I would be a perfect match." If Dad won't speak up, I will. I will fight for my freedom and my life.
I saw the expression on Mr. Villegas's face drop. His lips twitched, and he was about to say something, but I cut him off.
"Xaitlin and I have a very huge age gap— how old are you? 22?" I faced Xaitlin.
Her lips parted, and I saw how shocked she was when I suddenly faced her. "U-Uhm, 23, I just turned 23 last month," she replied, and I nodded.
"See, almost 10 years apart, I'm too old for her." I forced a smile.
Mr. Villegas chuckled, smiled in a way I didn't like before opening his mouth again.
"It's better if the man is older than the woman, right? Besides, it won't be a problem. Kahit bata pa ang anak ko, I'm sure she can fulfill her duties as your wife." he said, a cocky smile printed on his lips.
My brows furrowed. What does he mean by that, anyway?
I shook my head, "Trust me, Sir, we won't work out." I said before looking at Dad.
Akala ko ba hindi mo 'ko ipipilit sa ganito? What the fuck is this?! A fucking trap?!
Mr. Villegas laughed, looking at his daughter, who seemed... embarrassed in her seat.
Heck, if that was my father, and he sell me out like that? I might even yell at him and walk out.
"We'll see about that? What if you two head out after dinner and have a small talk while we have some adult talks?" he talked to me like I am a fucking stupid teenager.
I sighed, looked down at my food, and gripped my spoon tightly. I didn't want to argue anymore. I'm not really the type of guy who exchanges shouts and participates in an argument. And besides, I'm too tired for this. I'm too tired to talk to this old man.
We had desserts after dinner. They kept asking and asking me about taking over the company, getting married, and having kids the whole night. It was getting on my nerves. But I had to act professional and nice since I know I'll embarrase and disappoint my parents if I act all cocky and arrogant.
Mr. Villegas pushed me and his daughter to the pool area at the back of the house, which I had no will to fight again since I'm tired and just want this done. He said they just needed to talk about something inside and didn't need us there.
I sat on one of the chairs by the side of the pool and pulled out my phone.
After a few minutes, I realized I was actually with someone, and she had been silent since we got here.
Ugh, fuck, this is why I hate socializing. I actually have to start a conversation.
"Xaitlin?" I called out for her. I lifted my head and looked around to find her.
She's on the other side of the pool, crouching down to play with the water.
I sighed, I stood up, put my phone inside my pocket, and walked towards her.
"Why don't you sit? Sasakit ang binti mo diyan." I spoke, she looked up, smiled, and shook her head.
"I'm fine here, I know you don't want me near you," she softly said.
My lips parted. Now this is what I get for speaking up for myself? Getting accused of hating someone?
I sighed, placed both my hands on my waist before looking at her, "Look, I don't hate you, it's just—"
"You don't find me attractive?" she asked innocently.
I pursed my lips, looked away, and took another deep breath.
It's not that I don't find her attractive. She's pretty, she's prim and proper, she smells nice too, she dresses well and speaks softly, there's no way boys don't go crazy over her.
But... that's not my case.
"Look, Xaitlin, about the whole... conversation a while ago, it's not because I do not find you attractive," I said, trying to explain myself.
She lifted her head again, smiled before standing up, fixing the hem of her dress as it got a bit crumpled.
She tilts her head to the side, "Then... why don't you like the idea of us dating?" she asked.
I bit my lower lip, faced my side, and puffed out a small amount of air.
"Look... Xaitlin, you're young and you just got into med school. Med school is tough; you won't have time to socialize, have fun, sleep, or even eat. Do you actually see yourself dating and... getting married at the age of 23? To someone like me? I'm 32, pinagbaliktad na yung edad natin." Sinubukan kong maging kalmado sa pagsasalita.
She stared at me with her doe-shaped eyes, pouted a bit before shrugging, "But I like you," she blurted out.
My lips parted, naitikom ko ang mukha ko bago napahilamos sa mukha.
Gosh, really? A 23-year-old telling me this?
"Look, Xaitlin, let's make this conversation short. I am not...— it's not that I'm not attracted to you, that's why I don't wanna date you, it's because..." I paused. I can't bring myself to say it to her because I'm afraid she might... freak out or react in a way I'm expecting, which is to be disgusted.
She raised her left brow, "Because...?"
"I'm gay," I confessed.
I saw how her eyes grew wide, how her lips parted, and how she took a step back.
There it is. There's the reaction I expected.
And that's not it, "I'm gay, I like men, and I've been liking them since college. I also... fucked... quite a lot of men already. And the best part is... I do the receiving every time." If I'm gonna come out to her, probably tell her everything. I will turn her off, but that's the point, I don't want her to hope that someday I will find her attractive.
"And ever since, I never, not even once, got attracted to a woman, a girl, a lady, even the finest and prettiest woman I've ever seen, hindi talaga. Bakla ako." Dagdag ko pa.
Her lips parted wider, almost her jaw dropping, and her hand travelled to her mouth to cover it.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, "But please, don't tell anyone. Don't tell your father, your parents, especially my parents, hindi ako out sa kanila." I begged, taking a step forward towards her.
She gasped, her eyes grew wider, which made me panic a bit.
"OMG!" she squealed, "Don't worry! Your secret is safe with me!" she exclaimed, a wide smile printed on her face.
"Look, oh! I attended the Pride event at UP Diliman last June. I'm not a part of the community, ha, pero I'm an ally!" She excitedly showed me her phone, swiping the pictures and selfies she took during the pride event she's talking about.
A smile grew on my face. She kept on talking and talking about the event, how she supports the LGBT community, and how she's so okay that I'm gay. But not okay in a way that she will still pursue me even if I'm gay. She said she doesn't want to make me uncomfortable.
Just when our conversation was getting good, her father called her. I got a bit disappointed when they left, but she gave me her Instagram account so we can chat sometime.
"So... how's the conversation with Xaitlin? She seems like a pretty nice girl." Mom asked when we stepped back inside the house.
I chuckled, shook my head before fixing my glasses, "She is, but I don't see her that way. She's really way younger than me. Hindi ko masisikmuraan na makipagrelasyon sa ganun kabata." sagot ko na bahagyang ikinatawa ni Mom.
"Bakit? Ano ba kasing type mo sa babae?" tanong niya na bahagya kong ikinatawa.
Wala. Kasi lalaki ang gusto ko.
"I don't know, Mom. I haven't really thought about it. I was too busy in med school to date. And my job demands a lot of time, so I don't have time for things like this." I replied, and Mom hummed.
"Hey, why don't you spend the night here?" she asked, and I immediately shook my head. "Can't, I have work tomorrow," I replied right away.
Mom pouts, nods, and picks up my bag for me. "Ingat sa pagmamaneho, message me when you get home," she said, and I nodded.
Our heads snapped in the direction of the stairs where we heard footsteps. The smile on my face faded the moment I saw Dad walking down, his eyes glued to us.
"How's your... conversation with Mr. Villegas's daughter?" he asked in a flat voice. His face doesn't even show any emotions or interest.
I scoffed.
So now... he's interested in setting me up for a marriage? What a fucking liar.
I felt my blood boil, "I didn't know you were gonna set me up with someone," I said, a hint of annoyance in my voice.
His brows furrowed. "What do you mean? I didn't plan this to happen," he denied, which made me chuckle bitterly.
"Liar," I heard Mom gasped beside me, "I know you planned all this! Kasi natatakot ka na baka hindi ako mag-asawa at sa akin na matapos ang lahi mo! May pasabi-sabi ka pa na hindi mo 'ko pipilitin mag-asawa! Sinungaling ka naman pala!" I shouted, vein popping on the side of my neck, and a little tension on my forehead.
"Grey! Bakit mo sinisigawan ang Dad mo?!" Mahigpit akong hinwakan ni Mom sa braso.
I scoffed, eyes darted at Dad, who was slowly walking down the stairs, a confused yet mad expression printed on his face, "What are you talking about—"
"Oh, come on! I heard everything! I know everything! Narinig ko ang usapan niyo nila ninong noong minsan! You just had me because you needed an heir! Nag-anak ka lang dahil kailangan mo ng tagapagmana at magtutuloy ng lahi mo! That's why you planned this, right? Balak mo 'kong ipakasal kay Xaitlin! Tapos ano? Hihingan mo 'ko ng apo?! Pipilitin mo 'kong magka-anak gaya ng ginawa sa'yo ni Lolo!" By this time, tears have already streamed down my face. I started taking deep breaths, catching air as my throat felt like it's starting to close.
I gritted my teeth, "I heard what you said that night. I heard how you told my ninongs how you badly hated me. How badly you didn't want a kid, but a responsibility was just thrown at you. You never liked me as your son. You never loved me, not even once." My voice cracked. It was even shaking the whole time I was speaking— no, shouting.
I aggressively took my arm from Mom's grip, "Alam mo ba kung... gaano ako kalungkot at nasasaktan noon? Sa tuwing uuwi ako ng bahay, wala ka. At sa tuwing uuwi ka ng bahay, hindi mo 'ko pinapansin. Ni minsan, hindi tayo nagkaroon ng oras na tayong dalawa lang. Ni minsan, hindi ko naramdaman na mahal mo 'ko. I was living my whole thinking I was a disappointment to you!" A hot tear streamed down my cheeks.
Dad's expression dropped, even his shoulder. He stood in front of me, around 2 meters away, while I cried and broke down in front of him.
I sniffled, "You must feel disappointed on me, right? I must've been... useless to you." I scoffed, "Hindi ako susunod sa yapak mo. Hindi ako magta-take over sa kumpanya. Tapos ngayon... wala ka pang apo sa akin. Siguro ang baba-baba ng tingin mo sa akin? Kasi wala akong silbing anak. Yung kaisa-isang dahilan kung bakit mo 'ko binuhay, ang maipagpatuloy ang lahi mo, hindi ko pa magawa. Wala akong kwentang anak, diba?" I flashed a pained smile at him.
I wanted him to speak, I wanted him to say something. But I guess... he just doesn't care.
I bravely took a step forward towards him, tears pouring down my cheeks, my chest moving up and down as I took heavy breaths, "You could've just told me. You could've just told me that you never wanted a son. In that way, maybe I didn't live my whole life thinking there's something wrong with me and I am not worth even a small amount of your love." I aggressively pointed at his chest, pushing his body backwards a bit.
I looked him dead in his eyes. He looks a bit guilty. But his whole expression shows no care. He's still on his usual, emotionless and poker face expression that I've learn to accept my whole life.
"You even said you wished I wasn't born?" I raised a brow,
I smirked, "Don't worry, I wished about the same thing, hundred times." I said before, facing my back to them.
Mom chased me to the door, crying and begging me to stay. But I'm too hurt and emotional right now to stay. I might make everything worse. I might release all my frustration and emotions that had been pent up for years.
Even though it hurts hearing my Mom cry out and call my name at the door, I still got in my car. I slammed the door shut and threw my bag on the passenger seat.
I immediately drove off, stepping onto the gas as tears flooded down my cheeks.
When I exited the gates of the subdivision, I parked my car at the side, cupped my face with both my hands, and let out all the sobs I've been wanting to cry out.
Tears won't just stop, emotions just kept on coming and coming that my eyes already feel like they're swelling. My throat also feels a bit sore from shouting a while ago.
I hit the steering wheel, my car honked for few times as I threw a tantrum inside.
Fuck this! Fuck this bloodline! Fuck this company! Fuck those responsibilities! Fuck my life!
My eyes darted to my phone, which I threw on the passenger seat. Without thinking straight, I immediately picked it up. I scroll through my messages, and once I found it, I immediately sent him a message.
To: Nicodemus Ace
Meet me at your place, please. I need you.
—----------
a/n: umiyak ako rito mga... 40%, tulo sipon, eh.
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen3h.Co