Chapter Four
SASKIA
Gusto kong maranasan naman nila Nanay at ng mga kapatid ko kahit ang buhay mayaman. Bata pa lang ako nagbebenta na ng sarili niya si Nanay para lang mabuhay kami. Alam kong maraming tiniis para sa amin para sa amin. Wala naman sigurong babae ang gustong ipagbenta ang sarili niya. Kahit ako, kung papipiliin ako, hindi din ito ang gusto kong buhay sa amin pero ito ang binigay sa amin. Wala naman alam na ibang trabahong alam si Nanay dahil ito na ang nakagisnan niyang trabaho mula pa sa ina niya.
Akala nila madaling maging puta. Bubuka ka lang daw, may pera ka na. Hindi kasi nila nakikita ang paghihirap ni Nanay. Hindi nila alam na minsan umuuwi si Nanay na may pasa sa mukha dahil sinaktan siya ng kustomer niyang lasing. Hindi nila naririnig si Nanay kapag umiiyak itong mag-isa sa gabi. Hindi nila alam na kahit may sakit siya pinipilit niya ang katawan niya na magtrabaho para lang may makain kami. Nakalimutan na nilang tao din siya. Hindi lang siya isang puta, tao siya. Na katulad nila may pakiramdam din siya. Kung tratuhin nila kami para kaming may mga nakakahawang sakit.
Bata pa lang ako, alam ko na na hindi kami tanggap ng mga tao dahil puta ang nanay ko. Pakapalan na lang ng balat. Bakit? Wala naman sila noong wala kaming makain. May naitulong ba sila noong nagkasakit si Yuka noong bata siya at wala kaming pambili ng gamot? Nandoon ba sila noong hindi namin malabas si Cosme sa ospital noong kapapanganak niya pa lang dahil wala kaming pera? Wala! Kaya kiber ko sa mga sinasabi at iniisip nila? Kaya kong taas-noong humarap sa mga chismosang iyon dahil kilala ko ang nanay ko. Kilala ko kung sino talaga siya sa likod ng trabaho niya. Hindi ko kahit kailan ikahihiya na anak ako ng Nanay ko.
"Mammy, tignan mo! Bagay sa'yo 'to, isukat mo!" Inabot ko sa kanya ang bestidang nadampot ko. Nasa mall kami ngayon kasama ang mga kapatid ko at namimili kami ng mga damit. Sa pang mayamang mall ha, hindi sa Tutuban o sa 168! Minsan lang kami makapasok sa sa mga ganito, lahat ng damit namin sa tiangge lang binili kaya sabik na sabik ang mga kapatid ko. Si Yuka halos maloka na sa pagpili ng mga damit. Nalunod na yata ang gaga sa fitting room.
"Sigurado ka ba bagay sa akin yan? Masyado naman balot! Hindi naman ako madre! Gusto kita yung legs ko saka cleavage ko!" Sabi ni Nanay habang nakatingin sa pulang bestida.
"Ano ka ba, My? Ito na uso ngayon! Para naman mukha kang class at fashionate!" Sabi ko.
"Eh di naman ako titser no, ba't kailangan ko magmukhang magkaklase? Saka ano ba yung fashionate?" Kunot noong tanong ni Nanay
"Yung sunod sa uso." Sagot ko.
"Baka fashionable, Ate." Napakamot ng ulo si Cosme. "Saka My, yung class, hindi ibig sabihin nun magkaklase ka. Ibig sabihin nun mukha kang mayaman."
"Yun! Mukhang sosyal!" Sabi ko at kinabig ko si Cosme sa akin. "Ang galing talaga ng kapatid ko. Hindi sayang ang pinababaon ko sa'yo."
"ATEEE!!!" Tumatakbong lumapit sa akin si Yuka. "Di ako makapili ng damit! Pwede bang lahat na?"
"Yuka, pumili ka lang ng gusto mo." Sabi ni Nanay.
"Eh lahat ito gusto ko." Inangat niya ang isang punong basket na damit na hawak niya. "Ate, oh! Sabi mo kahit anong gusto namin."
"Oo, sige. Kunin mo na lahat yan. Mayaman tayo ngayon." Sabi ko.
"Saskia." Tinitigan ako ni Nanay.
"Pagbigyan mo na, My. Minsan ko lang mapamili mga kapatid ko saka marami naman akong itinabing pera." Sabi ko.
Binayaran ko na ang mga napamili ni Nanay at pagkatapos namin magshopping syempre gutom na ang mga bagets.
"Saan niyo gusto kumain?" Tanong ko sa kanya. "Sa Mcdo? Di ba paborito mo yung chicken at spaghetti nila dun, Cosme?"
"Ayoko dun, Ate! Gusto kong magkape dun sa sinasabi ko sa'yo..." Sabi ni Yuka.
"Ah yung sabi mong mamahalin na kape? Sa Starstruck?"
"Starbucks, ate! Para naman magamit ko na yung iPhone na binili mo sa akin. Magselfie tayo kasama yung frap tapos ipopost ko sa facebook mamaya." Excited na sabi ni Yuka. Nabili ko na ang pinaka-aasam asam niyang iPhone mula sa kapitbahay namin na snatcher. Nadekwat niya daw ang cellphone sa isang estudyante sa U-belt. Maayos pa ang cellphone saka mukhang bago pa.
"O sige, kung dun ang gusto mo." Sabi ko.
"Ikaw, Yuka, puro kapritsuhan ang mga gusto mo." Nakasimangot na sabi ni Nanay.
"Nay, okay lang. Minsan lang maranasan ng mga bata yan, hangga't may ilalabas ako, edi go!"
"Ang bait-bait talaga ng ate ko." Yumakap sa akin si Yuka. "Kaya mahal na mahal ko 'to eh."
Pumunta kami sa sinasabing kapehan ni Yuka at ang matapang na amoy ang unang sumalubong sa akin. Nalukot ang mukha ko sa amoy. Hindi naman siya eksaktong mabaho pero hindi lang siguro ako sanay.
Kumuha ng mesa sina Cosme at Nanay at kami naman ni Yuka ay pumili para umorder.
"Welcome to Starbucks. May I take your order, ma'am?" Nakangiting sabi ng babaeng nasa likod ng cashier.
"Ah... akin yung ano na lang, yung..." Tumingin ako sa menu. "May mango shake ba kayo?"
"Ah wala po. Sorry." Sabi ng babae. "But we do have Strawberry Frappuccino. Baka gusto niyo pong i-try."
"Sige, yun na lang ako." Sabi ko.
"Ano pong gusto niyo? Tall, grande, or venti?"
"Yung tig-bebente lang. Akala ko puro mahal din may mura din pala." Sabi ko.
"Ate naman, nakakahiya ka, hindi bente! Venti!" Bulong sa akin ni Yuka. "Size yun."
"Aba! Malay ko ba sa mga venti-venti na yan1 Di na lang kasi small, medium, large! Ang dami pang kaartehan. Yung pinakamaliit na lang yung akin, Miss."
"Alright, ma'am. One tall Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino." Nakangiting sabi ng babae sa counter halatang nagpipigil ng tawa. Umorder si Yuka ng sa kanya at inorder niya na din si Nanay at si Cosme.
"Can I get a tall green tea skinny latte? Skim milk, no foam, and can I please have it extra hot? Thanks!" Sabi ng babaeng nasa counter sa tabi ng amin. Naagaw niya ang pansin ko dahil bukod sa matangkad ang babae ay ang ganda pa nito. Mahaba at alon-alon ang buhok niya. Maliit at maamo ang mukha at sosyal talaga ang datingan. Pag beauty queen ang byuti ni ate.
"Hey, beautiful." Sabi ng isang pamilyar na boses ng lalaki. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko narinig iyon pero pamilyar talaga. May umakbay sa kanya at nag-angat ako ng tingin sa matangkad na lalaki.
Napasinghap ako sa gulat ng makita siya. Ang lalaking nakasiping ko. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. Hindi ko pwedeng makalimutan ang lalaking unang kumuha sa akin. Nakaukit na sa isip ko ang mukha niya. Kung minsan nga, napapaginipan ko siya. Saka hindi naman araw-araw makakakita ka ng lalaking may mala-gintong buhok dito sa Pilipinas.
"Migs." Ngumiti ang babae. Isang mabilis na dampi sa labi ang ibinigay niya sa babae. "Do you want anything?"
"No, I'm fine." Nakangiting sagot niya. Kahit gusto kong ihiwalay ang titig sa kanya ay hindi ko magawa. Para akong nahipnotizmo. Hindi ako makapaniwala na nasa harap ko ulit siya. Ang lalaking nakauna sa akin. Ang lalaking naging laman ng mga panaginip ko noong mga nakaraang gabi. Sariwa pa rin sa isip ko at sa... sa ano ko (alam niyo na yun) ang nangyari sa amin.
At ngayon, nandito siya sa harap ko. May nakakulong sa bisig niya na ibang babae. Biglang nag-angat ng tingin si Migs at nagtama ang mga mata namin. Kumabog ang dibdib ko. Parang yung pagbaba sa rollercoaster na pakiramdam, yun yung naramdaman ko ng magkatinginan kami. Rumehistro ang pagkagulat sa mukha niya ng makita ako. Namilog ang mga mata niya at umawang ng slight ang bibig niya.
"Ate, okay na." Sabi ni Yuka.
"Ha? Ah, sige..." Ako ang unang kumalas sa titigan challenge namin.
Parang gulaman ang mga paa ko nang ihakbang ko iyon. Para akong nanghihina. Pinilit ko ang sarili kong maglakad, iniwan ko na si Yuka para maghintay ng order at bumalik na sa mesa nina Nanay at Cosme.
"O, bakit parang namumutla ka?" Tanong ni Nanay sa akin. "Ano? Ngayon na unti-unting pumapasok sa utak mo ang mga nagastos mo ngayon?"
"Hindi, Mammy. Wala 'to. Napagod lang siguro ako."
MIGS
"Migs." Hazel touched my shoulder. "Migs, is everything okay?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah." I blinked, willing myself out of the reverie I was in. The woman was gone now but my mind still couldn't take it in. Did I just see what I thought I saw? Was it really her? Could my mind be playing a trick on me? Or was it my conscience?
"Bigla ka na lang natulala." She chuckled quietly.
"I'm sorry, love. I'm just tired. It's been quite a long day." I massaged my temples, faking a headache.
"My poor baby." Hazel wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed a kiss on my jaw. "You should've just waited for me in the car. Sandali lang naman ito. I'm just grabbing myself something to drink."
"It's alright." I said, trying to mask my anxiety from seeing that girl again. What was her name again?
"How was the meeting?" She asked.
"It went good."
I was in the middle of a board meeting in the function room of this mall when Hazel stopped by. My father was a very intelligent shopping mall magnate. He was a self-made billionaire. Everything we had now was a fruit of his hard work. He had built shopping malls not only in the Philippines but in other parts of Asia. For the past few months, he had been talking about his plan to retire and I knew, as the eldest son, that I'd have to take the responsibility of running this family business. He had been familiarizing me with the business since I got out of college. He was prepping me to be the next CEO.
Hazel sighed as we walked to my car. "Is something bothering you, Migs?"
"Huh? Nothing. Bakit?"
"Wala." She shrugged. "Para kasing kanina ka pa wala sa sarili mo. Are you sure you're okay?"
"As I said earlier, I'm just tired. I'm sorry, love."
She smiled and wrapped her arms around me. "It's okay. You don't have to apologize. Ikaw naman kasi, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Overworked ka na. Learn to loosen up a bit."
"Hazel..." I sighed and rested my forehead againsts hers. "I love you."
"I love you too, Migs." She kissed me on the lips.
"It's you who I want to be my wife and the mother of my children. Just you..." I tightly shut my eyes. "You're all I ever want and need."
"Oh Migs." I could hear the smile on her voice. "We only have to wait six more months until our wedding. It won't be long before that happens. There's nothing more I want than to be your wife and a mother to your children."
We went into my car and I drove Hazel to their house. Hazel belonged to a family of old rich, their wealth dating back to the spanish-era. The Belarminos own the biggest power distributing company in the Philippines which boasted a coverage rate of nearly seventy-five percent nationwide.
Hazel was born with a silver spoon in her mouth but she was unlike all the other heiresses I'd met. She was different from them. Very. She was uncomplicated, undemanding, and simple. She hold herself with the upmost grace, class, and poise. She had the regal air about her that you could feel simply by standing next to her.
She was the perfect woman for me. My sweet Hazel.
"Hijo, it's so nice to see you again." Her mother, the great Imelda Belarmino, greeted me with a hug. "Come in. We were about to have dinner, tamang-tama ang dating mo."
We followed Imelda to the dining room and joined her and her husband, Guillermo Belarmino, for a nice dinner. They were nice people, Hazel's parents. When we told that we were already engaged a month ago, they were so ecstatic.
"Six months?" Gil's brow shot up. "Why do you have to wait six months to marry? Bakit patatagalin niyo pa ng ganon? Back in our days, kapag nag-alok ng kasal ang lalaki kailangan sa susunod na buwan kasal na."
"Dad naman, it's not that simple." Said Hazel.
"Ano ang hindi simple? All you need to do is decide where you want to get married, what clothes you will where, and the guests you want to invite. What's so complicated about that?"
"We want everything to be perfect." Said Hazel, sliding her hand next to mine. "Don't we, Love?"
I smiled and took her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips to kiss. "Of course, I only want to give the very best of everything to your daughter. We want everything little detail perfect on our wedding day."
"Gil, hindi mo dapat pinakikialaman ang desisyon nila. They're not kids anymore. They know what their doing saka iba na ang panahon ngayon. Hindi na katulad ng dati." Hazel's mom defended.
"I see no reason to rush, Papa. We're going to get there soon, aren't we, Love?" She batted her lashes on me.
"We will." I smiled and kissed the side of her head. Suddenly my conscience weighed heavily on me. I tried to shake it off my mind but I couldn't. I cheated on her! I slept with another woman and I cheated on my fiance! I wanted to say it out loud. I swallowed, holding the words in.
"Your father is just too excited." Imelda smiled at us.
"We're excited too, Mom. But like they say, perfection isn't rushed." Hazel said.
"Of course, dear." Her mother agreed. "We're excited to finally have you in our family Miguel. Ngayon pa nga lang engaged na kayo ng unica hija namin, anak na din ang turing namin sa'yo."
"Thank you, tita." I forced a smile.
"I only ask one thing, Miguel. Do not hurt my daughter." Gil looked at me with a serious expression on his face.
I had everything planned out. The wedding. Our honeymoon. How many kids we would have in the future. Our family. Everything was perfectly laid out in my mind. But one night. One single careless mistake and everything could blow up at my face. I had fucked everything up!
I downed another shot of whiskey. I let out a breath against the burn in my throat. Damn it! Ang tanga ko! How could I let my penis decide for me? I was going to get married to the woman of my dream. We were going to build a family together...
"Miggy..." I flinched when I felt a touch on my shoulder.
I turned and saw Mama. She was wearing a white cotton robe, from the looks of it, she had just woken up. After having dinner with the Belarmino's I went to my pad but my conscience just wouldn't shut up. It was gnawing at me like an annoying little bug that buzzes around your head. I went to my parents' house in the middle of the night and decided I'd spend the night here. I helped myself in Dad's bar room.
"Ma!" I blinked.
"I didn't mean to bother you. Nakita ko kasing may ilaw sa bar room, akala ko nakalimutan ni Nick patayin. Papatayin ko lang sana." She explained.
"It's okay, Ma." I sighed.
"May problema ba, Miggy?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
I shook my head. "Nothing."
"Sa akin ka pa nagsinungaling. Anak kita, higit sa kanino man ako ang nakakakilala sa'yo." She gave me a gentle smile. It instantly soothed me to the bone.
"You know, Ma, I've always been careful all my life. I always strive for the best. I always need to have everything in control. I don't ever want to make any wrong decision. I was given second life, Ma, and I can't waste it."
"Miggy..." Mama's face dropped. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"
"I just... I don't know, Ma. Naisip ko lang, what if I fuck up? Would you still love me?"
"Oo naman." She instantly answered. She caressed my cheek with the back of her hand. "You're my son. No matter what you do, I'll always love you."
"Ma..." I found myself wrapping my arms around my mother. I couldn't tell her about what I did to Hazel but her gentle presence calmed the anxiety in me. "Thanks, Ma. You're the best."
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